Sunday, December 30, 2012

the Question that would keep me up tonight.

Today Mr Lover wanted to go to the beach, I hated his shorts so I asked him to wear another pair

He said the button popped, so while he was taking a shower, I was attempting to sew on the button.

He walked in midway- My head was bent over  concentrating ( because I was struggling to use weave needle to sew a button- STRUGGLE)

I looked up and our eyes met in he mirror.

He smiled and asked me " What am I going to do when you leave?"

I giggled and replied " Nothing"

Looked down and continued my sewing.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

2012 and 2013

This year was a good year.

One of the best really.

I found myself. Did a lot of travelling. Got into a deeper level of understanding of what a relationship entails. Entered into a new level of a relationship.

Lost some weight. Gained some more weight.

Applied for my masters. Got in. Got my Visa. And all that jazz.

Got some very delicious presents this year.

Stopped being so judgemental.

Carried out two solo audits.

Audit led my 1st audit.

Made no new friends.

Lost a couple of friends.

Learnt to mind my business ( this was particularly hard for me- but the peace of mind that comes with it knows no bounds)

Learnt to keep secrets.

Became ACA.

Became closer to my sister.

Cemented the relationship with the lovers family( his brothers are amazingly selfless)

Got promoted at work.

Finally Quit my job.

2012 was a very very very good year.

I must say my life is super enviable. And all of this is to the glory of God.

All thanks to God in heaven for bringing me through.

What does 2013 hold for me.

Simple- Piano lessons, weight loss and a 1st class degree.

Because I struggle with expressing myself when writing( sometimes), the need to learn the piano is overwhelming.

Hence I want to learn to play the piano.

Weight loss- that's a given. All year round.


As for the degree- I implore you to join your jands with mine and ask God to gimmie the discpline to just settle down and get that shit over with.

And I have to admit. Bsc, Msc, ACA would raise my bride price quite nicely. And all under 25 too.


:)

In 2013, I wish you all happiness. Both deserved and undeserved.

Peace of mind that gives you assurance that a God sits upon the throne.

And the grace and discipline to actually carry out all out new resolutions.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Musings

Its amusing how woma was talking about prostitution today.

Every one has that one friend that does "runs". Or if they aren't your friend, you know someone that sleeps with a married man for money. Or whatever it is that they do.

I have never really judged until recently.

Recently I lost all forms of respect for someone who I used to rate very highly.

I am totally disgusted and appalled by this person's behavior.


And I judge this person with every fibre of my being.


Strange thing is I haven't said a word to this someone.

We are all diffferent and I guess I was never really the persons friend, because if I was, I doubt they would gladly get into that.


People seek validation in all the wrong places.

And I think the people who seek it in random sex are at the bottom of the food chain of respect for me.

Because let's face it. No matter how much you want to pretend.

Random sex burns you out. So save your self the stress.


That being said- Mr Lover is the best boy in the world. :)


Or he is coming very very close to the mark.

We are able to spend weekends without arguing/ fighting these days. And I find it easier to make sacrifices for his happiness.


My uncle keeps saying he worries I am not head over heels in love with my lover.

I tell him I would be doing myself a dis-service by being head over heels in love with anyone asides myself really.


Why am I so upset at this someone anyway? It isn't my concern. But somehow it has offended me.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Prostitution

I've never given prostitution much thought. I'm usually on the fence on that issue. Let's face it, its not like my morals are any better than the average sex worker. And if you think about it, there a lot worse things people out there do for money anyways. So yeah, prostitutes, whatever...
That was the way I thought about it. Please pay attention to the use of past tense in that statement. Because I've changed my stance on this issue. I'm now 100% behind prostitutes and what they stand for, (sit on, bend over, and swallow, if you've got that kind of cash).... Let's face it, its not really that bad a gig. Yes, there are biblical and religious stigmas to the issue, but fuck it, when was the last time you were good? I mean really good. I mean you'd have no qualms casting the 1st to 5th stone. I thought so.....
As you all know, I'm a corporate slave to the financial sector. A prostitute of sorts, because I get paid to wear uncomfortable clothing, speak dirty words to strangers (please, thank you and I'm sorry always leave a bad taste in my mouth) and spend my hours doing jobs which take a little bit of my soul every time. And now that I have come to accept what I am, I have decided like my more traditional sorority sisters to drop all pretenses, and embrace it.
A prostitute sees something she likes and wants, possibly needs. And all she has to do is fuck someone to get it. Yes, it the amount of 'someones' can be a bit overstated, but still that's the bottom line. I want this, if I fuck so and so...(And so....) I can get it. Why the fuck not? Free enterprise I say!
Now back to me. I want something. I want something badly. I want a new job. New employment. And I am willing to fuck for it. Yes, you read that correctly. I will fuck you for a new job. I am not ashamed to say it, and even less so to do it. I don't even care anymore, such is the extent of my discontent. Man, woman, sheep..... I'll fuck you if you can get me a new job. I'll do a man, while a sheep is watching if that's what you want (you sick sick fuck). I'll violate a sheep, while eating veal and wearing a woolen sweater. The extents to which I'm willing to go to are endless, all for the chance to stroll into the office on a monday morning, wipe my ass with a resignation letter, and staple it to the picture of my boss's family she keeps on her desk.
So please, consider this write-up as my CV Unplugged, The Lost Tapes. I want a new job and I'm willing to do you, your spouse and the family pet, just to get it. If you're interested, call toll free on
080-U-HER-ME-N-IT. I guarantee a good time, lots of fun, and a well oriented, self starter with good interpersonal skills, the ability to work under pressure and sufficiently proficient with Microsoft office.
I am Womilee, and I will fuck you.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Searching

I do not know what this is called but I want one so badly.

Eva Longria has one in her house in desperate housewives. Its a picture on a canvass- But there are three of them in three different base colors.

I really can not explain it. I need to find the name so I can order one for myself.

Also In "Dream girls" the movie, that scene where beyonce was singing "Listen" to Jamie foxx at home. She had a set on the wall behind her as well.


Who will put me out of my misery?

*UPDATE*

I trawled the interwebs instead of working and found what I was looking for.

It is called pop art by Andy Warhol, done using silk screens and different colors.

Let me show you a few.

Marilyn Collage 


Dom P - My absolute favorite


Imagine this but three of them in different print & color! 
 The most amazing one 


So that is it folks- Google IS  your friend.
You just need to look hard enough

And just to show you how much of a genius he is- peep this quote

What's great about this country is that America started the tradition where the richest consumers buy essentially the same things as the poorest. You can be watching TV and see Coca-Cola, and you can know that the President drinks Coke, Liz Taylor drinks Coke, and just think, you can drink Coke too. A Coke is a Coke and no amount of money can get you a better Coke than the one the bum on the corner is drinking. All the Cokes are the same and all the Cokes are good. Liz Taylor knows it, the President knows it, the bum knows it, and you know it." - Andy Warhol


*FURTHER UPDATE*

I found the listen scene on youtube and was able to get a clear shot of what I wanted.

see it


And I want one exactly like that.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Changes

Today I admit what I have been fighting to admit for a long time.

I realised this when I signed my lease agreement for 26 weeks and held off popping it into the mail at Nipost today to my landlord ( to be) in Scotland.


Yes, I eventually got around meeting one of my new year resolutions to sort out my further education plans AND I did.

I am going away for a year to do a masters degree program!

Oh MY GOD!

Until this morning, I didn't really understand the implication of this. I would be leaving home for a whole year.

Needless to say, I am not so pleased with this arrangement. In fact- Be careful what you wish for.

So being the proactive soul that I am, I have decided to mitigate this feeling of fish out of water, I decided to create links with the Nigerian online community. AKA facebook and Twitter.

So I got back on twitter. and realised not much had changed. Actually I take that back- NOTHING has changed.

Same madness and randomness.

So my migration plan to the Iphone makes little or no sense as I need my BBM to keep in touch with my loved ones here.

If there is anything like homesickness in advance- It is what I am feeling.

I am Lowkey excited though. but at the same time- the fear of the unknown is killing me.

Anyway I now have to find time to see all my friends and tell them but only after I have found a suitable answer to the only question they all ask " What will happen to your lover"

I am wondering about this myself.

Anyways now that is done. Let me see IF I still know how to work this twitter thing.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Funniest broadcast I have received in ages!

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:-

01. Feed him
02. Sleep with him
03. Leave him in peace
04. Don't check his phone (Msgs)
05. Don't bother him about his movements/where are you?
06. Honor him

What's so hard about that.... ?


HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY

It's really not difficult To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be:

01. A friend
02. A companion
03. A lover
04. A brother
05. A father
06. A master
07. A chef
08. An electrician
09. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynaecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organiser
22. A good father to the kids
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Take her shopping
46. Be honest
47. Be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

50. Give her lots of attention,
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

53. Never to forget: 
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


I found this so amusing because men expect most of this stuff sans electrican and mechanic and pest exterminator.

Anyways weekend was too live. Couldn't go to work today.

Instead dragged my sister to get a mani and pedi with me.

I have really missed her these past weeks. And now its my brother that generally gets on my nerves. - all disrespectful and shit. Grinds my gears to no end.


Anyways the nail saloon was really nice, polite staff and I got to bond with my sister, which we never ever ever get to do.

My Lover is possibly the best boyfriend in the world.

Somehow he manages to outdo himself everytime.

And this is not me complaining. He is so protective of me sometimes- it is endearing.

At the club on friday when I told him I did not drive, he came by to get me.


And I did not even ask him sef. #superboyfriendstance


I have decided to start using the 3 step clinque thingy. It had better work.

Generally I have been here and there.

By the way, my nails look so amazing.

I need to get my ass back into the gym. I haven't been there in a month and a week, and yoga in 2 months sef.

I am becoming a fattie bom bom yo! :(


How was your weekend? Any of you prepping for Dec yet? Hair nails and all that jazz?

Or home travel?
Ps: I learnt that being nice means that it is supposed to be an inconvenience to you. Ie waste your time/ cost you something.

Armed. With that knowledge, it is a lot better for me having that at the back of my mind no?

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Sadness

Around 8 pm in Victoria Island, one of my mothers drivers was going home, when men of the night attempted to snatch his car- He fought them off and got stabbed.

Luckily for him he was wearing his mopol outfit, and police passing by stopped drove him to the police station and then the general hospital.

Yesterday afternoon, my aunt who is a tailor in Ebute metta handed me the CV of her land lady. the CV owner has a BSc in economice- But I can not seem to find a job/ opening anywhere.

And I am so sad. :(

This is not what I wanted to write about- I was going to tell you about my beautiful friend, who encourages me to be a better significant other.

But I am still so sad about the situation of the country.

It seems like everything is just falling apart,

and people are here screaming Good Nation, Great people.

good nation my fucking ass.

If my mother did  not get to general hospital on time, they would not have treated her driver- Because of #5,000.

Madness.

There is too much madness in this country.- Even worse, after cleaning and stitching the wound, he started coughing up blood- Turns out the doctor should have drained the blood that spilled internally before cleaning up.


Nigeria is a ticking time bomb.

And I hope none of my loved ones are here when the bomb goes off.

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Weddings

My friend got married today, I was so excited!

And she was super ecstatic too!

Because I am such a former and I am uber shy, I am sure I will cringe when at my wedding the kiss the bride moment comes up- OR i would have had enough alcohol to lean into it thoroughly.

That being said, I do not think I like PDA very very much.

What is strange about this is that- I have no idea why I do not like it. I am uncomfortable when people around me attempt to get super loved up with a significant other.

I am that girl who would rather run to make out in a dark parking lot at the club than actually in the club.

This is so odd because two years ago- I was a public kisser.

I think I am becoming a more private person. I do not know IF I like this.

Today I had a false flash of happiness- And it felt so damn good. I was not even mad when I discovered it was not true.

I was kind of amused.

I will have to get back on twitter soon- Except I think I have forgotten how to tweet and the proper internet etiquette. - But when I get to that bridge I will cross it.

At the insistence of my aunt who said wearing flats would take away from my outfit today- I wore heels.

I do not think I have had a more through calf work out ever. ever. not even when I was in igbobi and I had to lift sandbags 50-100 times a day.

Anyways- It was not exactly fun- extremely uncomfortable AND my ankles killed me for hours afterwards.

I do not know how I would have survived If I was not 6ft tall.


struggling with 6 inch heels and all that *shudders*



Anyways I am sure some people derive some joy from the pain.

My friend who is a heel connoisseur has corns on her toes- and her feet are ugly as fuck- She claims she has been squeezing them into impossible shoes.

I do not even have a toe fetish but if I was male- I would def need to see your feet before committing to anything.

I am currently re-reading "act like a lady and think Like a man" Like I earlier stated, I do not really have man problems- This isn't me bragging or anything. Its me being honest. I can spot bull shitters a mile away and I tend to attract men, in copious amounts.

at lunch on sunday with my Friends- One said, her new game plan was to get all the people on her case to take her out to eat religiously. I said I envy you, If I was single, that would probably be what I would be up too as well, so I'm cool with that. Other friend said, shebi you need to find the men to be toasting you before you can be going out to eat.

And I replied= If I was single I would have men who would be willing to take me out to eat.

Its really simple- Men like me.

But that isn't the point I am trying to make. The point I am trying to make is that the book is not really a play book if men like you.

It is witty commentary, Personally I do not think a christain who says they are a christain but proposes pre martial sex is one who should be giving relationship advise sha- But you know orishirishi America. It is a good read, If you are bored, However, If you have man trouble- I think you should steer clear from this book.

Like a million and one miles away.

It does you no favors.

I have started running/ Jogging again. This time it was as a result of the fact that I was bored- And If I jog at maybe 9- all the wretched men in my estate wont leave me alone- So I go at night Like 11:20 ish.

My friend Debo thinks I'm mad- he says better Toasted than mugged.

I am so thankful for my friends, They are all so sweet & appreciative of things I do not even consider to be major things that I do for them,

I always get Thank you babe/  I love you babe messages- until recently this did not warm my heart, but with the new changes looming in the horizon, I'm trying my best to savour this.

I have been getting a lot of love lately.

From the strangest of places.

You know when you want something- get it and then you are not sure it is what you wanted?

I can not wait to lock my hair! Dread locks for the win!

This post is so everywhere! urgh! urgh! urgh!

Can you miss someone in advance? Like is that logically possible?

Does anyone have any tips asides "just be yourself" when attempting to make new friends?

Because to be honest- friend making is the worst thing ever.

I just watched Mr& Mrs- Can someone say Low budget? Or maybe the Nigerian films that are always so eager to spend a whole scene eating ice cream at mr biggs has colored my views- That film might have as well been someone in film schools assignment.

The story line well- It is predictable-  Except In real life when you leave the men usually upgrade to a newer model. who can do everything better faster and harder than you.

How did I just realise that Sugar. Honey. Iced. Tea dream kept singing about is actually SHIT?


I love Old music- I feel like my soul- Musically- is stuck in the wrong generations all this Gbon gbon gbon music is not really speaking to me.

And does nothing for me. And music always does something to me.

This post is so jumbled up- I would not even bother to proof read it- I think I had a bit too much palm wine today.

How is it that I can hold Vodka, whiskey, brandy etc etc but palm wine gets me tipsy?

Does that not defy all logic?




Friday, November 30, 2012

Life and closed chapters

When I was in my 2nd year- I met the wrongest boy for me at that time.

And it cost me my university degree.

Best part, he was not even mine to begin with.


Since then I have had no negative experiences with men.


Well except that other Yoruba boy.

Note the 1st boy was Yoruba too.

These two have provided the blanket with which I shroud Yoruba boys with uselessness and  they are both the sole reason i pepper yoruba boys with insults every chance I get.


Why is this important,  it is important because, looking back, it sort of makes me a better person.


I know now to steer clear of Yoruba boys and how easily it is for me to get derailed.
this is something I paid and I feel I am still paying dearly for,

But at the same time, I am thankful I did not have this experience when I was 35.

18 seems to be the perfect age to wreck your life, you are you g enough to pretend to learn and old enough to actually listen.
And you have some common sense to actually put your life back on track you know?

The one thing I truly truly truly truly regret is allowing one of the Yoruba boys into my sugar gates,

Following the discussion with my home girls last Sunday, I have been contemplating going for deliverance.

I know- I just can not deal with the what if he drained some of my knowledge thoughts I keep having.

Maybe I am thinking too much?


Or  maybe this is a rather serious issue.


I feel like a good night out, it is my friends birthday next week *squeal* I can not wait!

I hope we hit the clubs and boogie down. I feel like I am getting old,  who says the word boogie?


Friday is my second Favourite F-word

The first is Fancy.

I do not think the 3rd needs to be said. It's french.

I feel like my family is putting me under undue pressure to get married

I feel know I am not Physcologically ready to get married.

But everyone keeps saying- you are not young.

You the thing I did not want to share?

I am still not going to share- But everything is falling into place.

The lines are falling into pleasant place.

I am changing and becoming the person I want to be.

I am happy.

Are you happy? Friday is a good day.

Fridays are the best days!

:) :) :)

Monday, November 26, 2012

Employment, Envy and Cyber Monday

I always say unplanned Waka is always ace.

My home girl Nemsky gaggles came to visit me with Ogo my other home girl.

While Ogo left Inem stayed and I had a couple of other guests over.

fast forward to 10pm, I convinced her to stay, we played WHOT in which I trashed the shit out of her.

-sidebar: I am the undisputed Queen of WHOT.

So I also convinced her to join me and attend this church I wanted to check out the 2nd time.

I am still unconvinced about whether I want to leave my own church & join another one.

Inem is sold sha- she loves it.

on the ride back home, Inem and I sang lots of christain songs and we agreed ministration via songs are always ace.

We got home, she taught me how to use photoshop, pic stitch, etc etc and I convinced her to see the stage play.

she claimed she was going to use her last cash to see it. We Loved it!

- side bar: I am an acclaimed clapper at the cinema.

I am that horrible person who keeps giving commentary and silly side comments  during the movie.

In my defence, the comments are funny.

Anyway what I love about stage plays, audience interaction.

And no one really knows who said what.

So seeing with with Inem and Tola was perfect. They are not as afflicted as  I am, but they it is always nice.

I also saw a LOT of people there. I saw Sabirah and the partner. Yilu and Dami. and loads and loads and loads of people who I had no idea were into arts.

It was a good afternoon.

Afterwhich we went to ocean's basket and we sat there and had lunch and basic girl stuff.

We spoke about sex-

Side bar- Sex has been featuring rather frequently in most conversations I find myself having.
you know, with boys girls etc. I am thankful for the awareness and the risks etc etc that I learn during these conversations.

and some other mundane things.

I am thankful for female friends, who are a breathe of fresh air.

I am also on the prowl for clearer skin and hence I am jumping on the clinique wagon.

they have a 123 step thingy. Usually because I have overtly sensitive and easily irritable and severely acne prone skin, I am skeptical about change of soap/ change of cream/ change of beauty products.

But I spoke to my aunt who lives in londres and said she has been using it for 20 years.

I do knew few people who have been married for 20 years sef. so when she told me that I decided to you know- order a bulk from the overseas.

I miss my sister. I am envious of how her life is panning put- I am happy for her, but low, high key envious.

I want to be in America too and go shopping.

Speaking of America - Today is cyber monday. I mean if you are too tired from all the black friday shopping- use your hands and internet and go shopping online!

America comes up the easiest way to drain you.

Anyway this has only strengthened my resolve to not shop this month.

New birthday present.

Again- Another bottle of Chanel Perfume.

The universe hears me sometimes!





Thursday, November 22, 2012

One, but not the same

The problem with women, is that they listen to other women about what men want- Womilee

Profound, although men have been known to tell lies- or just not know what they want.

My friend Aisha called me a ratchet because I took out my ghana braids for Tola's birthday on friday.

She said - its not even your birthday and you want to do hair.

I think I have shut down work for the year.

I had a dream that two different people gave me N500,000 for getting inducted.

:)

Wanna claim the dream die.

I'm currently trying to take one week off, or maybe 8 days. I am dying to go to dubai!

I really really really really want to go. I have saved the money- Although when I was saving it, I had no idea that is what I was saving it for- LOL

But I am dyinggggg to go.

Now to find who will go with me- the problem with planning it never just ever works out. you know.

and I'd hate to go alone.

or maybe not.

I am rambling.

Am I the only one who doesn't wash her hair so her nail polish doesnt chip?

I mean I will wash plates, wash underwear the now was hair again.

I might as well not even bother doing the nails.

but they are so gorge tho!

Its Date night tonight with Mr Lover! I am excited! well I am always excited.

It is food and my favorite boy after all no?


My friend Omobola oni private jet is arounddd! * squeal* I will def be skipping work tomorrow to hang with her. OR we might just go to lekki and use the nail thingys. for the spa.

Still havn't found the place or what to do to them.

Now I have no idea what to do with my hair. I dont know if I should lock it, or put in a weave or just carry it . Although I hate to carry my natural hair. I think I will stop by the fancy saloon on saturday afternoon after the nail spa on friday. have someone wash and blow dry it

Or maybe I should just get a wig and plait my hair didi, all back. Infact, that is what I will do.

*makes mental note to buy a wig*

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Dental Woes

A month ago I discovered my teeth were a lot more sensitive than they usually were.

So I went to a quack dentist. Who attempted an S and P with the ultrasonic machine. Turns out the girl who was supposed to carry out the job was not a dentist. But someone who he had trained.

Nigeria we hail thee.

After getting my cool cash back.

I called my friend at LUTH for a referral.

She recommended one in park view.

So I called them, and it turns to consult cost 10grand

And the S and P cost another 17grand.

Needless to say- I found myself at LUTH.


So I came here registered and dealt with all the red tape.

Luckily for me I ran into my friend who took my case note to a consultant and he saw me.

Took me about 2 hrs to see him. I kuku didn't mind. I don't even want to think about if I had no one to help me jump the queue.

Fastforward to time for the procedure.

The students that were on duty, the consultant didn't like them.

So my friend went to get another student to do it for me.

Luckily for me she found one.

And I needed to pay for the tools I need.


The hospital didn't take cards.


The struggle to find a working ATM begun.

Eventually I found one after walking for ages.


Came back. Paid for my kit. And sat down.

But the dental sit was a bit too low.

Can we move this up a bit? I innocently asked the dentist.


Oh the chair is electric there is no light. We re just going to have to manage.

I didn't mind managing.

Afterall. It was way cheaper than 27grand.


Two minutes later the dentist excuses herself and she returns with a torch light.

Incase you were wondering like I was.


The torch light was for me to hold while the dentist cleaned my teeth.

Yes. I held. Hand held the torch for my teeth to be cleaned.


Anyway, we got past that and one of my remaining fillings had started chipping. ( Which explains the undue sensitivity I had been experiencing)

So I had to have an Xray done.

I came here to the Xray place- but there was no light. So I left and said I'd come back during the week.

So today is tuesday. I left my office, got here and only entered the parking lot( which costs 200N) after I confirmed from my dentist that there was light.


So I literally run to the Xray room. And I greet the nurses there and say I want to take an Xray.


They look at me like I have interrupted their very important discussion and said, the current is not high enough to work the machine.


When will the current be back? I asked hopefully that there was a time table for these things.


We can't say. Just go outside and wait. If it comes up, I will call you.


20minutes later after waiting.

PHCN takes light.


So here I am. Irritated. Teeth sensitive as fuck in a stuffy waiting room at the Lagos University Teaching Hospital. A Federal Institution.

And there is no light.


NIGERIA WE HAIL THEE.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Life changing and other cool stories

And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed- (Genesis 2:25 KJV)

So today instead of preparing my SRM, I was here trawling the interwebs, and who do I see?

This life changing blouse. I know I said I did not want anything for my birthday AND I know it has passed

and I know I have promised myself no more asos-ing till next month

-Side bar: Some of my goodies arrived today!

But this blouse is calling all my names, gbo gbo Yoruba o, ati Isoko pelu nick names sef.

I do not know what I am going to do. Worst part. The top is on sale, so I know it is going to go out of stock soon..

Infact there is no more 10, but that is cool a 12 works just as well.


Life changing blouse in all its Peplum glory.


So my dear readers, brothers, sisters if the good Lord lays it down in your heart to gift me this delicious blouse here is the link. Life changing blouse, go on click on it.

Plus the price is reasonable as fuck.

It's just that I have told myself- NO more.

But then again, are rules not meant to be broken?

I do not know. this blouse speaks to my soul.

Someone do something!

Monday, November 12, 2012

What is happiness?

To the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind.
Ecclesiastes 2:25-26




I have been happy of late. content. free of worry.

Just you know living life. and stopping to smell the flowers ( figuratively)

I have been feeling so blessed, and so deserving of these blessings!

Two weeks ago, I wanted to see a Shrink, because I thought I needed some objectivity in some issues.

Mid life crises at twenty something? Interesting.

So I asked my friend Oyin Pumping, IF she knew any one.- she always has all these people on speed dial.

and she said- why not see a church counsellor?

and I said- I do not think I want to see some one who will offer to pray with me.

and she said " I have learnt this year that there is nothing God can not do"

Interesting abi? I decided to read a bible passage, and pray. some days. I did, some days I didn't.

I continued and I noticed I felt better. I was not so angry any more.

I did not feel the need to be a better person for anyone.

I felt like- I am how God wanted me to be.

I felt free. relieved. at ease, and dare I say happy.

Now I am not a usually "Sad"/ unhappy person, but in these last weeks, I am learning that who I am is not a function of what I own. ( which is why I did not really want presents, I kind of have a lot of stuff)

I mean people may say - you can never have enough clothes.

But how much do you really need any ways?
Anyway I was reading this amazing article and I knew I had to write what I had been up to these past weeks.

You know another thing about being happy. You can share it. It doesn't diminish.

And that is what is so beautiful about it. It is mutually exclusive from every one else's happiness.

I do not know if I am making any sense BUT, I like how I feel.
and since I started feeling this way, only good things have been happening to me.

Is the universe in sync with me? or is it the universe making me happy?

I do not know, but I quite like it.

For coloured girls who have considered suicide when the heap of birthday gifts weren't enough

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life. Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?- (Luke 12:25&26 NIV)
So what have I been up to?

Nothing & everything.

It was my birthday two Friday's ago and I learnt a very valuable life lesson.

No everyone is meant to be a bigger person/ nicer person.

For my birthday, I told my self I would make the concious effort to be a nicer person, put people first, consider others, etc etc etc.

So I went to my University to get my certificate, and the lady there asked me to please wait to let her dispel the crowd in her office.

Because it was my birthday and I was trying to be the bigger person- I said yes, Mistake of life.

I spent three hours waiting there. finally left and spent another 3 in traffic back.

Pissed does not even describe me.

On my way home I was already late, my driver then said one of my aunt's wanted to courier something to Warri. I should have said no but in the spirit of being a bigger/better/ more patient person I erroneously said yes.
More time wasting.

Till today two weeks later, I regret those decisions, I know they say regret is futile, but I am so mad at myself for not being true to me. In essence those decisions made by birthday shit.

1. I didn't see the lover
2. I my small chops came cold because I was not there to pick it up.
3. My guests were kept waiting.

However, I fell sick the next day, so no I did not see skyfall, I did not pass GO and I did not collect $200.

Sunday was a little better, I went to church and yada yada yada.

The next week turned out better.

It was my Induction on Wednesday- and one of the few things I live for- Making my mother proud -was what that day was about.

I was in a skirt suit, I was in heeled shoes, I was on my best behaviour. It just felt surreal. My mother could not believe it.

She was cheesing so hard. I wish I even won a prize. lol jk.

Any way after the event, she had a mini come chop for me- which really consisted of her own friends and well wishers, and her church members, while my guests sat outside in the back.

we moved in after her own guests left, and it was just bants on bants on bants.


Friday was major for me because I finally got myself sorted out. * fingers crossed*

ALSO the lover gifted me vouchers for the nail saloon *qm lounge* while I am excited, I am also skeptical about a business that the only thing on the site is a flier.

Low key suspicious.

Anyway I will have to find some time to take myself there.

Saturday morning had me and the lover rush to silver bird to watch Skyfall.

Action sequence of life yo!

Very Un bond like. and I now find myself searching the web for Ian flemming books.

I remember not wanting anything for my birthday this year, and still getting many things.

Nothing makes one feel as loved as unwanted presents.

It makes me so super thankful for having all these people around me- and the knowledge that for the next 2 years I probably would not have to buy perfume again.

LOL.

Not like I have ever bought myself perfume. - well maybe that one time when I was pining for the chanel perfume

but that asides.

I had a good week.

I have quit worrying. it makes life so much easier.

wayy easier.

I have also taken to spending money on myself anyhow.

I copped this blouse on spur of the moment last night when I went to see my friend Tinky.

Debo also was so kind to buy me two tubes of lipstick.

However I want more lipstick! LOL.

Also someone asked Debo over the weekend at my house" How does it feel to be Ore's Debo"

LOL, I was so shocked. what the hell is that?

People say the darnest things!

I am at a happy place- even though I still haven't had this cold stone ice-cream. will rectify that today!


Asides that- what has been going on?

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Random

1. I clap for my self literally when I prepare an AFS and the account balances at 1st attempt.

2. I do a litttle dance when my cash flow is perfect at 1st attempt.

3. I do not quite like preparing AFS's anymore.

4. I lowkey wish Nigeria let biafra go.

5. I think dating ( the getting to know someone phase) is so hard and awkward. If I ever get into the market, I would create a checklist, and put it up here with an apply within if you meet 80% of the requirements. No jokes.

6. I still want there to be a Biafra republic.

7. I want to go into the government. My mother thinks its suicide for my career. Plus I am really aggressive, government is for slow thinkers.- she says.

9. This year has been an amazing year for me. A bit too amazing

10. I'm quite content with my life. Sometimes I feel like I'm on auto pilot

11. I have started relating with God again. I love it.

I will be back with a real post of what I have been up to.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Skyfall, Birthday and some Carrie fever!

First Skyfall tomorrow!

Yay! While I'm not really game on Daniel Craig being the new bond, I have to admit the 50 years of Bond drama on Mnet all month has whet my appetite for the new movie. It premiers tomorrow I think, which is purrfect because

Second

Its My BIRTHDAYYYYYY! * Runs around in circles squealing*

I actually did not have Birthday fever until this morning when I got my 1st present.

HELLO FLOODDD GATES!

I just threw in the Carrie fever, because you know- a Sex and the City Box set would be nice.

I am so excited about my present because it is not even my birthday yet!

I have some random runs to get up to tomorrow- and my client has been on his best behavior all day long including yesterday. While I don't really like ass kissing, I must commend my client, Negro has mastered the art so well, I almost forgave him, Then I remembered.

And gave him small ela this morning- you know, just to keep him in line.

I can not wait to close from work today, And take tomorrow off and just rest you know?

Anyways I was trawling the webs instead of working- which is totally irresponsible because I have sooo much work to do, and I saw this
Why Nigerian girls find it difficult to get married

So I thought I should read it, you know since I am not married and I am languishing in the 9th circle of hades that is singledom. * insert eye roll here*

I was so irritated.

I always get irritated when I see shit like that- Like men really still think like this?

You know while I was on holiday, my family friend has a really good job and said he can not wait to marry a woman who is totally as successful as him. Why? I asked- I mean his mother is Igbo so I wrongly assumed he would be one of those men who want to just spoil women.

He was like " Hell no, If she has such a good job, Double Income household baby, 2 holidays a year, where we don't plan, we would put up a map throw a dart, pack our bags and hit the road or private jet- I don't care"

Men like that who see the big picture are those that make me happy to be female.

While I am not saying that women don't have bad xters or that women aren't frivolous. What is wrong in a woman making some decent money for herself and spoiling herself?

So when she pretends to love the pauper lifestyle during the courtship and she gets married and reverts to her " money to blow" lifestyle what happens then??

To men like the writer- all I have to say to you is this

Go hard, or Go home***.
 You can not be crying about rich women and be a pauper- Nobody wants your dirty stinking broke ass.

There is nothing worse than dating a man who gives you undue drama and is now poor to add to the equation. ( FYI: All men come with a healthy drama dose, do not be deceived)  The least you can do for yourself as a woman is to have some common sense to get a man who can look after you some economic power, and have something going on for you.

Okay rant over.

But really tho, I do not see the big fuss in getting hitched- asides the wedding which is absolutely delish and I totally enjoy.

And why do people always assume you want to wash/mark/celebrate/do something for your birthday?

For some of us, its a day of unmerited gift collection hopefully in Cash.

or Bags, because you know the right bag makes the world go round and round and round.






***= I hope it is large enough to push your unambitious ass to make something out of your broke self





Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Bigger person

Some kind of evil can not be overcome by good. Sometimes you need to overcome such evil with a greater kind of evil- Chronicles of Riddick. 

So today, I walked into my client site, one hour late- which was no ones fault but mine.

But my client saw me and tried to come and start talking smack,

OOOOOHHHHH I gave him the ela of HIS LIFE.

The ela should have been tagged Ela of life. So hot, hotter than Amala,

and let me tell you, it felt so damn good.

All that talk of being the bigger person and client first went right out the window.
You should have seen his face. He could not believe it was this same me that had been so nice and helpful these last weeks that was being so mean to him.

Like- I told him I am working round the clock to give you your account and I am going on leave on monday. if you do not give me whatever it is I need before close of business tomorrow just forget your account till I return from leave.  and some other things I wont say here, because I mean, who knows if one of my readers decides to employ me tomorrow.

Bottom line is this.  I have now transferred the aggression AND if he had a blog, I am positive he would be writing about how much of a bitch his auditor is.

Mission accomplished.


Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Shitty Clients

I hate my clients.

The way some People hate mother in laws. I hate all my clients. before I meet them. When I meet them. When I have to relate with them. I hate them

Why do I hate my clients- Every client rubs me the wrong way.

My clients are off the impression that they know it all.

My current client- does not know shit. I have had to carry out so much accounting function that I now have access to their accounting software.

And off course as an occupational hazard, you ultimately know a client that doesn't know shit. It is hard to have someone tell you you do not know shit. especially when it is true.

I found this out 1st hand while training at my current firm.

Bottom line is this.

Clients are the bane of my existence.
Quod me nutrit me destruit

Basically- In a nut shell that is the nature of my relationship with my clients.

They destroy me and at the same time I am able to actually do my work.

The nature of my job is destructive for my person. Its really simple.

I have to quit. soon- When? I do not know. but soon before, I find myself having to slap some sense into one of my clients.

And I know how strange that might sound, but I can not understand the rubbish most of them get up to.

Explain to me how you have a trial balance and you cant produce a schedule that agrees to that trial balance forget that you posted those entries and moved it into the trial balance your self.

My tolerance for bullshit is too low, I never should have been an auditor.

Random sidebar: Since my clients found out I had a driver- They have been tip toeing around me.

Like what does having a driver have to do with anything? Nigerians are too petty abeg.

Again my clients disgust me. but to be fair only this particular one. probably because they are super clueless.

Hopefully I don't get them next year.



Musings

I am not sure if I like preparing AFS's.

Like I can do them- which I am thankful for- but I'm lowkey beginning to detest them. lowkey.

Like repetitive dot com.

Thanks to spell check my spelling is actually getting worse.

I can not believe my birthday is here. Again- Already. LOL.

Time literally flew by this year. I am so looking forward to the induction. My friend is being inducted as well, so I have someone to sit with and crack silly jokes with.

Also I get two tickets to invite whoever I want. Since Mother dearest sits on the council. She would be there any way. Me on the other hand- I do not have two people to invite.

I wonder about the nature of people I have as friends, Or my nature in fact. How can I say I do not have two people to invite.

Actually I feel like I do not know two people who are friends but are important enough for me to include them in my induction. - excluding the lover off course.

Does this make me a bad person?

Maybe I hold people to such a high standard I subconsciously treat them like they wont ever meet up.

Or maybe- I do not want to get off my moral High horse.

Or maybe I have too many friends are are patron saints of loose lips and I don't to feed them fodder for thier disciples?

Or maybe I am so influenced by Nigerian movies that I am unable to share my successes with others but close family?

Or maybe I really am just a bitch- who stopped giving a shit ages ago.

I have decided to invite My mother and My sister.

When in doubt- Family. as shitty as they come- they never disappoint when it comes to important things.

Like taking Tuesday off to drive to Amuwo and just faff.- Listen to boring lectures and clap when I get called on stage.

Again- I am a horrible person. Sometimes I forget this. But on days like this- when I have to pick my brain and come up with things like this. I realise either I am terribly terrible OR terribly honest.

Because lets face it- I can not possibly be the only one who has these train of thoughts sometimes.

I have been so tired of late- I find it impossible to wash my face before going to bed.

or to change my clothes. or to even drive to work.

Two days in a row, a driver has had to bring me to work. I feel so drained. physically.

I am so super tired.

Must be the strain from all the flexing in port harcourt.

But good news- My mother said my skin is clearing.- She always says that about my skin.

Not like I have excellent skin, ours is just a case of land of blind.

My sister, Mother & I all have terrible skin. oily and acne prone. But amongst all three- I have been able to manage mine and keep it at the barest minimum thanks to mostly unsolicited advice from random strangers and internet forums.

I'm babbling- bottom line is this- in the land of blind one eyed man is king. that is the only explanation  plus I'm dark skinned. Dark skin wears acne and scars a lot better than light skin.

Now if only I can find an oil free moisturiser and a good powder for a dark skinned lady with a strong yellow under tone.

This birthday would be perfect.- Not like it isn't already.

I have achieved all I have set out to do a year early. Now I have to set new goals to fulfil myself.

Clearly a good amount of my self worth is hinged to my personal successes.- Only because I have no idea what else to hinge them on?- Faith?, Relationships?, Friends?, Personal belongings?- Probably because those things all have determining factors beyond my control, BUT achieving my goals- all on me. And I have made it a point of contact to deliver consistently- not for anyone really. more for myself. I live for meeting dead lines. and glasses of moscato with the lover at 3am in the mornings.

Does this make me strange? Possibly. We can't all be the same now can we?

*makes mental note to order 6 bottles of moscato*


Monday, October 29, 2012

Triumph

And thanks be to God, who always causes us to triumph- 2nd Corinthians 2:14

My birthday is around the corner.

I feel like I have so much work to do- I actually always feel that way. While I am happy to be doing the work.

I look forward to January.

I am low key excited about it.

Next week is my induction into the institute, and my mother's friends have started calling her to congratulate her. I tell you- Nothing gives me greater joy that making my mother happy. Like I live for that. totally.

My birthday is around the corner. Literally- Its 4 days away.

Everything I want- or usually want- I have been given already. New bag and new chanel perfume.

I am getting supper predictable.

I miss the Lover. I have not seen him all holiday. We both had different engagements in the south south and missed each other on sunday at the airport. * insert sobs here*

Since I am dead at work, and he is busy as well, we are yet to see each other. I think I'll just wait till friday to see him. Need to take out my hair TONIGHT!

Long weaves are the enemy. LOL

My sister and I are now low key besties. Till she does something to massively piss me off.

I am still sitting still in the whole madness of this life.

and watching it go by. and liking it totally.

I started walking/running again today. My whole body hurts.

I love it.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Mental Illness

I keep telling people that mental illnesses are real. But no one believes me.

I have this cousin, who I know, I am 1000% ( yes that is a thousand) sure that she suffers from middle child syndrome.

I have friends who exhibit serious bipolar characteristics- Up and down like  yoyos.

and most popular of all- Depression.

I know depression is real because I have experienced it before- Sometime earlier this year, or maybe it was just a lack of holiday.

I do not know, But this I know- a lot of people are imploding seriously because they have no one to speak to, no shrinks and they are not eager to make friends.

I now think maybe I should have studied pyscology  or something helpful.

What brought this one? I read this blogpost and I saw the comments- at least 12 people that commented said and I quote" That is my life".

I know 12 out of 6vbn people is really small. but its still scary.

I think this church business of the holy spirit being your best friend is for the birds.

Sometimes- You want to banter with your friends- Physically. go shopping or whatever it is that you do, with someone you can see?

Why did this really get to me?

Because I have been there before.

And no one should have to be there.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

On Provision

Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly father feedth them. Are you not much better than they?(Matthew 6:26 KJV)

In deed I am.

Today the office increased expense claims.

Say what you want, but God looks after his own.

Today I am going to fit my dress- I am super excited!

It is Port harcourt O'clock. Plus I did not even have to lie to get off work- The government declared public holidays  for Thursday and Friday!!!

If this not the work of God, Please I do not know what it is. Infact- I am super estatic!

Please people be happy.

Date night with mr Lover Lover. Every night is date night with mr Lover.

My nails keep breaking- which is rare because my nails never break. ever.

well 1st time for everything, will cut them and get them fixed, I was gunning for a shellac but....

Liver is failing me.

What has been going on?




Monday, October 22, 2012

Happy


And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back and with a loud voice glorified God, and fell down on his face at his feet giving him thanks... ( Luke 17:15-16)

I am so happy and thankful!

Wheeeeeeee!

And this has nothing to do with my pending birthday for which I am yet to figure out what I plan to do with myself.

My mother plans to organize a party for me- for the induction.

we looked through the clothes I own sef- and found nothing decent to wear.

I am so excited for her- She almost can not believe it,

This year was so full of good tidings for me. It is amusing and to think I started my 1st audit job this year in tears.

Now- I am doing Senior work. I have staff. I am meeting deadlines.

I am growing in paid employment.

I am sha happy.

:)

Are you guys happy?

Please be happy.

I have sooo much to speak about. But I have no time.

Hopefully soon I will have some time to talk about all the delicious goodness of my life.

Thank you Jesus!

* falls on face*

Friday, October 19, 2012

Question


Now unto him that is able to do exceedingly abdundantly above all that we ask or think... ( Eph 3:20)



What do you ask for from someone who consistently exceeds your expectations?

Again today, The Lover asked what I wanted for my birthday.

Because we both do not know when my ideal present would be available.

I said- I do not know, what do you want to give me?

Him: Everything.

*end of conversation*

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Birthday wish list and all that Jazz

Before you were formed I knew you.

For the plans I have for you are good and not of evil to bring you to an expected end.


This morning, Mr Lover asked me what I wanted again for my birthday.

I said holiday.

He said December.

I said give me cash.

He said, I already ordered your present, I don't know if it will arrive before then.

Me- whatever you do. Make me excited.

Him: You are always excited.

Again this year- I have no idea what I want for my birthday.

Contentment or just plain confused.


I have been happy most of the year.

And I'm even happier still about my news - that I'm not ready to share yet.


So for my birthday- what do I want this year?

Cases of moscato. I think. I really do not know.

Birthday wish list and all that Jazz

Before you were formed I knew you.

For the plans I have for you are good and not of evil to bring you to an expected end.


This morning, Mr Lover asked me what I wanted again for my birthday.

I said holiday.

He said December.

I said give me cash.

He said, I already ordered your present, I don't know if it will arrive before then.

Me- whatever you do. Make me excited.

Him: You are always excited.

Again this year- I have no idea what I want for my birthday.

Contentment or just plain confused.


I have been happy most of the year.

And I'm even happier still about my news - that I'm not ready to share yet.


So for my birthday- what do I want this year?

Cases of moscato. I think. I really do not know.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Bullet proof

And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground....(Malachi 3:11)

So this morning, I woke up and I didn't have fuel.

I just hopped in my sister's car and came to work.

Now I have the hugest crush on Tu-face, this is not gist.

I can totally understand his huge flock of baby mama's- Hell even I, want a piece.

Tubaba is Yummy as * insert yummy metaphor here*

I do not fight the crush I have on him. the way I fight the crush I have on Meek.

I embrace it. Enough of that.

I was in traffic idly clicking at the seek button on the steering wheel when the most amazing thing happened

Ihe neme came on! I had no idea it was on the cd.

Yeah yeah- Im a groupie of the person not his track listings.

LOL.

So I am incredibly happy.

audit work is rounding up.

Im going to port harcourt.

LOL last night the lover sent me a picture- Turns out the wedding we attended, the photograper included us in the photo-book photo album

and he captioned it- "We are official baby!"

My lover can be cute sometimes.

My birthday is coming, at Yoga last night with tola ( whose blog change looks delish btw)

We were like OMG it has been a year since her surprise birthday party.

This year literally flew by!

Gosh.

Another year- Too many things to be thankful for.

We also spoke about something- That when you split with someone- Its normal to not want any of your friends to speak to your ex.

And she was trying to be a bigger person. and I was like- Bitch please, let us see road.

Personally speaking ( hypothetically offcourse) If I split with the lover. I do not even except any of my friends speaking to him.

I'm talking breeze treatment. ( Not like anyone speaks to him now)

But I'd expect 1000% ( yes a thousand ) loyalty on that front.

Obviously I am not a bigger person type of person. This is not something I am ashamed off, as a matter of fact, It is something I am beginning to embrace- The art of putting myself first.

I put family 1st all the time. best believe when it comes to friends- I am so exerting my self and it is something I am unapologetic about.

Anyways asides that- Something is making me incredibly happy.

And no- I'm still not ready to share.

* does a salsa spin*

Is it just me or there is something delicious about waking up next to a loved one.

And yes it is living in sin and all that- But it is so abso- fucking-lutely delicious. It makes me want to elope and never have to wake up alone ever again.

I just read the last two paragraphs. I AM a drama queen.

Who else is super happy when they make new play lists?

No one? Just me then. My  friends wedding is next week.

Still cant make up my mind about the dress. Well I have 2 dresses, but I want to make a third one.

What- I'm a work in progress. I struggle with obsession to buy/ make clothes, when the ones I have are sufficient.

But on the upside- My friends always come and cart them away. and what is left my sister colonizes.

Yes this is me rationalizing my behaviour.

I think- maybe I am becoming super impressionable.

I'm watching the Tv series- necessary roughness

-STOP how do I put movies on my Ipad?

Someone should tell me. I'm desperate.

anyway so I'm beginning to think I should see a shrink.

Except I have no problems. But I am itching to be hypnotized.

Anyways I'm sure it will pass.

I need a Holiday! dear Universe- Hear me.

I have been unduly excited of late. Not complaining just observing.


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Monday, October 15, 2012

Dear Etisalat...

You have failed.


I won't be angry.

Even though your customer care is shit.

And its my fucking money.

And your wretched sims don't work with the new iOS.

And your wretched sims do not work with other branded blackberries.


And the so called trainees are so fucking smug is not letting you know this.

Dear Etisalat. Fuck you. Fuck you to hell and and back.

I swear I can not wait to never ever have to come here.

And while I am at this Dear park and shop- let me tell you

Soon and very soon. I'm going to buy a set of knives and slash the tires of the next fool that blocks me- Okay?

Yes now that we are clear.

I still hate your fucking guts.

Once I find a way to get internet without ever have to use you lot. Best believe I would be gone forever.


LOL. So I just paid for the new microsim to be able to download the new iOs and voila. It isn't coming up. Turns out the supposed 3.75g network isn't even up to 3 to do the download.

I'm seriously contemplating moving to america just for faster internet and better customer care!

Urgh!

Friday, October 12, 2012

At home

When people say they do not feel at home in a certain place.

I often wondered what they mean by this.

Today I had a somehow day at work.

So I went by the lovers place after. But I was just so unsettled and restless and felt so unwelcome there that I left and came to my own house.

So I sat in traffic, finally got home and found now self knocking for almost 20 minutes at the door.

Finally my sister comes to open the door but has her boyfriend in the room we share so I can't even access the room. Nor arrange my wardrobe nor change my clothes. Or really do anything.

Today. I do not feel at home. Anywhere.

I totally understand when people say, they are not at home.

I long for a place that is my own.

Mine.

Is this selfish?

Days like this. I am extremely irritated.

I want to come home and see no one. Just listen to my music and be great.

Days like this- I am reminded about how un- at home I am. Even in my own home.

And Days like this make me sad.

On the upside. I finally found a solution to my dress issue for the wedding next two weeks.

So excited!

Newest Blog Obsession

When I find a blog I like- I read all the posts.

From the latest till the oldest- Forget about the work I'm paid to do, This is the shit I live for!

Personal blogs even better!

I even contact the writers for passwords of protected posts.

AND THEY NEVER SAY NO?

why? What is a stranger on the internet going to do with your post- asides plagiarize it?

I really really really hate those short story/ poet-y/ creative writer blogs.

They are borderline ninja status. and Irritate the hell out of the amebo inside my very soul. even more than laborious reading

HOWEVER, I have found one I like.

I have no idea IF it is a personal blog because the stories seem realistic at the same time so damn off, or it just gives off this ninja vibe.

Nothing personal- Yet I feel like I can know the person through the posts.

And the writer doesn't even know he/she does that- See? serious Ninja undertows.

Doesn't change the fact I like it though.

So here is my newest blog obession- How people write so properly sometimes baffles me

They must have so much free time at work - a part of me thinks.

Not really- another part replies. They are probably just patient enough to proof read whatever they throw up on the web.

so here- Newest obsession Blog  go on. click it. you know you are dying to find out what/who has my knickers in a twist like this.

The last time I went on a drive with my friend Debo- was two years ago.

Debo's car was bad so he rolled up in his sister's Rav4 and turned on the radio as I got in.

Tracy was playing.

We listened to fast car on repeat as we drove through lagos, from my house in Ikoyi. to our primary school in apapa, to his grand mothers house in Illupeju, through lagos Island where were went to seek out this pepper soup that has spaghetti in it back to my house.

And that was one of the best times I spent with Debo- Forget the fact that I always spend " best" times with him
LOL.

So when I found my new obsession liked tracy- I knew the time had come to share.

Ps: I am LOWKEY excited about this party tomorrrowwwwwwwww! Like I can not wait!

*squeal* I need to make more friends that have parties- and get myself invited!


Din Din with Mr L.

Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.... (Proverbs 15:17
So last night I went to dinner with Mr Lover Lover. LOL

Well not exactly dinner, we were watching Tv and his friends just showed up and we had to leave the room and come out to hang with them * insert eye roll here*

I love them, But I like Tv with the Lover too.

Anyways by the time this set was gone- another set had come.

While the 1st set were around, they kept talking about this place in Vi that served really good food and it was ridiculously cheap and yada yada yada.

So being the awoof lover turned foodie that I am- I said " Lover dearest take me"

Me looked and me and said " never, you'd hate it"

thinking to myself that I had found the perfect spot for breakfast with the girlies ( when I do find the girlies)

I insisted and all that jazz.

So we said tomorrow, we would go to the " place"

but then I remembered I had plans for tonight, ( washing my hair, doing my nails and trying out an oil cleanse)
 which I did not disclose-

#sidebar I used to love doing stuff like that- Hair washing and nail coloring- Now life has just come and taken away all my damn time. Hate it.

So half way through coloumbiana he said - Oya lets go, because I wont hear word.

So we headed there. And as we walked in he told me there are a few white guys around.

And i'm wondering to myself- What has that got to do with anything?

White men seem to be everywhere these days.- so I shrugged it off. Mistake of life.

as we approached the restaurant- there was a warning that said " Chewing gum is not allowed"

ERRR???

Anyways wetin concern me? I kuku wasn't chewing any gum.

As we entered, I felt like I had been transported into an ashawos R us convention.

#sidebar In Lagos where there are white men- ashawos flock to the place like flies following shit.


half the girls were naked. the serving girls were dressed like hooters wanna be waitresses.

AND THE WHITE MEN!

My lord- I just made a mental note that nothing would ever take me there again.

the Lover saw the look on my face- and sent me a look that said " I told you so"

so I just said- Shut up abeg. " But I didn't say anything" he protested.

"But you were thinking it so shush."

"I told you so"

so the server girl came and took our orders-
he had wings, fries and a cheese burger.

I had a chicken escalope and mashed potatoes.

our food took about 20 minutes to come which we filled with mindless chatter and I kept attempting to wipe off the data on his phone, and he kept trying to kiss my hand and sing to me.

it was cute- In a weird way it reminded me of when I met him and were used to just kick back and chill.

half way through our meal- this girl walked in and this white man just jumped on her and refused to let her see road- and I was like really?

What do white men see in prostitutes anyways?

The Lover replied-
Everything- For one, these are the girls who have their time. the are free to hang out at 2 in the afternoon and 1am in the morning and what have you. they are their answers to jungle fever with little or no resistance.

Plus the men dont even know these are prostitutes, I mean they cant really grade them, as far as they are concerned, these are the hottest babes.

It made some sense- But still was very disgusting to watch.

The lover asked me twice what I wanted for my birthday this year and I replied

"Better is little with the fear of God, than great treasure and trouble therewith"

I want to go on holiday.

Simple, I know I have had 3 this year- will it be bad to do another two?

afterall I dont recall coming to this life to suffer.

He replied " We'll see, can you get time off work?"

me: What work? hell YEAAAHHHHHH!

Anyways I couldnt finish my food so i took some home for his brother while he took his burger home as well.

Last night was decent solid fun. the kind of banter that makes me thing separate rooms in marriage is madness.

Also I know with every fibre of my being that it isn't.

Saturday is here and SURPRISEEEEEE I still have no idea what to wear. Maybe a sleeveless blazer. I bought two on my prior holiday and I'm yet to wear the black one.

Although I do not want to be over dressed- I dont think its such a bad thing- You know?

So party this weekend- While I attempt to drag the lover to this new church on sunday- Sam adeyemi is going to be there and I totally adore him and his ministry.

Asides that, No solid plans for the weekend.

just kick back and chill. and dear friday- You really took your sweet time showing up this week.

It wasnt really funny.
 

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Queens College Yaba

If you did not already know.

Now you know.

I am a QCOG.

Queens college taught me some of life's best lessons.

It also gave me some of my best friends.

I honestly do not know how I would have turned out if I went anywhere else.

So to every QCOG out there. To my friends turned sisters that I found in QC. I'd like for us to say a word of prayer today. For our "princi's " Sojirin and Euler Ajayi. Our SBHM Juba for the House watchers " obi, ogunbekun Njoku and the likes"

For the teachers who touched our lives while we were there.

And for the friends we made in those 6/5/4 /3/2/1/ half years we spent there.


Those years were solid and dare I say some of the best of my life.
Happy 85th Birthday. Queens College.

Pass on the torch!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Splurging

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this word AND IT IS CERTAIN we can carry nothing out.... (1 Timothy 6:6-7)Emphasis all mine
So I have a party this weekend, Why am I so eager to go and get a new outfit?

because I am not content. I have a shit load of clothes to wear, and I will wear one of the many numerous ones I have. I do not want to buy anything again except it is an absolute neccesity.

I always have this weird power tussle in my mind on spoiling myself and just being plain incontended with what I have.

I mean I draw the line at a certain number of things- which are borderline madness such as buying hair at 100 grand a head- There are children in my village whose mothers will bless you forever if you use that money to pay their fees.

so no while I won't do things that ridiculous, I find myself wanting to spoil myself a little. sometimes more than needed( I admit)

Today my sister saw me naked and said " stop sucking belle" I replied- I am pushing it out.

she squealed " it is a lieeeeeeee, your stomach is vanishing sha" she then got up touched it. asked me to suck belle, proded and just generally exclaimed about how I am so skinny now, my body is lithe enough for italian ball room dancing and I should take up the classes.

Me: No Im only trying to lose some belly fat for the party this weekend and the wedding at month end.

her: you sha look very good- please keep it up.

My face could not contain my smile!

I Love when people compliment my body- surely that must be unhealthy as well.

Dont know and I do not care- I need something to stop me from shopping the way I do.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Books from Bookie.

My friend just sent me the most delicious book ever.

Dear 50 shades of grey fans. Imma let yall finish BUT no one does BSDM erotica like black lace.

Anyway.

I just popped over to let you know

1- My current  client is trying to poach me- AS IF.

2- I am a happy bunny- Neww books!

3- I went to the gym this morning- Also a fit bunny!

I will be back with a more decent post on how my weekend went.

By the way I met this 40 something year old hair dresser.

Probably the most agreeable Nigerian male I have ever met.

I am one of the worst peoples' hair to make- My current hair dresser Yinka must be tired of me.

But Baba?

Too sweet. Perfect disposition.

I'm soo accustomed to the abrasive nature of Nigerian men, that this was a pleasant surprise.

However the saloon is in Festac.

I was so horribly drawn to his person. * sigh*


I say horribly  because I am never drawn to anyone. attracted yes. drawn Never.

Plus he started making hair in 1986 when he was wrapping up his stay at yaba tech.

In 1986, I was not even born.

I do not know what kind of person this makes me.

Yesterday was absolutely delish. The lover, his brother, his brothers girl and I all went to visit his mother.

It was such an amazing time. After which we came home and drank wine from the bottle because we were both too comfortable in our postion.

Does that happen to anyone? You find the perfect postion with your lover and refuse to move?

No one? Well just me then.

so we sat there, drinking wine and watching el-classico.

I am team C-Ronaldo just incase anyone is interested.

Its days like yesterday that make me so skeptical about going to school.

I have been thinking about it a lot lately.

Also my birthday is coming.

While I'm not particularly excited- I can not believe it. I am going to be twenty- something!!!

I'm getting so old and I have no millions to show for it yet.

I'm also thinking of going away for my birthday.

Calabar, cotonu, Ghana, togo?

However alone.

Does this make me strange?

I also attended a new church yesterday- However, my spirit did not quite gel with that of the pastor and I have no idea why. Will go by again to see if it was just a fluke or for real. Although I am listening to his tapes and he comes across as hella obnoxious. We'll see.

Anyways I'm still reeling from the excitement from yesterday AND the book from today!

Thank you Bookkie for the book!

You rock, hurry back home so I can pay you back with copious amounts of palm wine and Nkwobi!




Saturday, October 6, 2012

Interview

My Uncle runs a logistics company.

While at my house tonight, he decided to gist us about his attempt to hire new drivers at start up.

So him and his manager "Jerry" were at the panel.

1st, he asked the staff to write application.

His received responses varied from

"Ah Oga leave that one abeg, no be by writing person dey drive bus. 10 years don nack I dey drive"

"Oga I can write only 1,2,3"

While some could actually write.

He decided to hire those who could write.

Noting his managers unease with the hiring process, he asked him " Jerry wetin?"

Jerry responded " Oga no be by writing"

Jerry was upset because some of his people* could not write and
Were not being hired.

So my uncle decided to have Jerry ask a few questions when the next applicant came in.

After asking all his questions, he then asked Jerry " Do you have anything you want to ask?"

Jerry then said yes. And took the floor.

Jerry " Name three major pot holes between shagamu and algbasegin"

Applicant : "When you pass shagamu small, then if you move right where the police stand used to be..."

Jerry Interupts " I said Major pot holes"


At this point, everyone erupts in laughter. We can not believe it.

After the applicant leaves, Jerry justifies his actions thus" See Oga, If the driver knows the pot holes are, he can start slowing down before he even sees it. If not the clutch is at risk, the passengers are at risk..."

My uncle says shut up. Ask all the questions you want. I will just be here watching.

Bottom line is this" the drivers who could write were shit. Those who knew the answers to Jerry's stupid questions- excellent drivers"

I do not know if there is a moral to this story.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Anger Management and other cool stories

But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth ( Colosians 3:8 KJV)

Let me tell you what. I have a terrible anger problem.

I did not know this until this morning- Ok that is a lie, I knew it, I just assumed it was impatience.

I hate people that do not have any sense at all.

They irritate me and make me very angry.

Like those people who see everyone on the queue at the toll gate and drive to the front of the queue and shunt it.

What upsets me further are the people who actually let them in.

In retrospect, I should have bought a gun before I even learnt how to drive.

I do not keep malice- That is a lie, I forget people simply existed. I am so skilled at it. If it was someone else with this skill, I would recommend theraphy.

I do not indulge in blasphemy of any kind- or at least I make a conscious effort not too.

Filthy communication- The queen of sexting here. * bows head in shame*

Double innuendos are my forte- I wonder if these count as filthy communication? Who am I kidding, they probably do.

Second my staff has been taken away from me. Second solo audit.

I am not too amused by all this.

I am coming to terms with the lover having a 9-5.

Less bonding time for us, BUT we are making it work and for that I am grateful.

Planning anything is stressful. I'm currently helping her friend plans something and planning a family vacay to Ghana.

You know what is so stressful about all this?

Dealing with people- getting them to pay. even after talking and talking and talking.

Its almost ridiculous. If I had my way, in my next life- I would be a computer enthusiast.

so that my interactions with human beings at the work place would be oh so limited.

The ideal job entails not ever having to work with anyone. Something along the lines of working from home.

Dear Internet, I believe in you, you can do this, make this happen.

I FINALLY finally. fucking finally completed my application for the induction process of  my professional body. Oh lord, I can not wait, to attend the women accountant meeting with my mother in November.


Im sure she cant wait either.

Tomorrow, I have to sort out some running around in the morning.

Then I have a spa date with super star Lover, and lunch afterwards.

I think I want to take anger management classes.

You know what? I am a bloody hypocrite.

I keep harping people about referring to me by my Yoruba name.

Today I spoke to the ex- MD of my current client trying to clear up some issues on the TB and we were on the phone for a while.

When I was about to get off, he said " so will you come and have drinks with me tonight? what is your name?"

And I replied, without blinking and or giving it a second thought, " My Yoruba Name"

and this didn't even occur to me till I got off the phone.

Like this is a clean slate, someone who I do not know from jack, I can make a change right here.

Still, But  Yet- I gave him my Yoruba name.

A rose by any other name is still a rose.  would still smell as sweet.





Thursday, October 4, 2012

The rubbish that is this country Nigeria.

I don't know why people keep saying Nigeria will be great.

I'm currently at the filling station. Trying to buy fuel.

And I assure you- this country is not headed for greatness.

Infact. If you can get out. Now will be a good time.

Tell me why this agbalagba* knows his tank is the right side of his car BUT he is on the opposite queue?

Like. I. Can. Not. Fucking. Deal. With Nigerians.


Then this wretched soul of a fool in front of me. Took jerrycan to go and buy fuel. And wasn't in the car when the queue finally moved.

Like I feel the overwhelming urge to walk up to him and spit in his face for being so ridiculously stupid.

I am so seriously irritated. I can not believe this country actually has oil.

I mean this totally defies all logic.

This anger is also as a result of the fact that I wwent to some government office that was supposed to close at 5.

I got there at 4:35pm and turns out all the staff had left- why?

To go and sit in the staff bus.

The staff bus doesn't leave till 5:30.

Like you would rather sit in the bus for an hour than actually do
what you are paid to do?

This foolish person beside me wearing suit that looks like what carpenter made- actually had the guts to try to shunt the queue when it finally moved.

Offcourse I told him off. From the bus drivers Yes.

But fromyou who is educated- because I am sure you are coming from work. I won't take such retarded behaviour.

Best believe I gave him an earful of all. And some extra.

Its because of idiots like him that I'm advising people to jump ship.

Its people like the wretched soul in the red mitsubishi that I hate driving in Lagos.

People these are the people whose evil can not be over come with good. But a greater kind of evil.

Probably 20 strokes of cane.

Nonsense.



Agbalagba* - Old person in Yoruba. Usually used to describe someone who is engaging in a shameless act.
This word is perfect, because most Yoruba older men are lacking in shame.

Addictions & Nicotine Patches


For if any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally...( James 1:5a KJV)

I am addicted to online shopping.

HELP!

I have a party on saturday and I have spent the whole morning scouring the internet looking for what site to devour me- in a bid to find the perfect out fit.

and hair style and what have you.

I wonder why people hire stylists when the internet is readily available.

For my people perish for lack of knowledge.

Anyway this is a cry for help.

I closely contemplating cutting up my card- as I spend too much from it

I am practically a debit card ninja- swiping away and typing away my card number at ever given opportunity I get.

Its horrible.

If it is so horrible- tell me why I wont stop?

I rationalize the buying by telling myself- i work so hard- I should spoil myself.

Which I should- BUT at the same time I am a strong disciple of delayed gratification.

I am addicted to Online shopping FROM ASOS!!!!

And plastic payment.

This whole cashless movement is pretty much gonna wreck me very soon.




Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Other things

This weekend was good.

It was long and filled with me doing abso fucking lutely nothing.

and I loved it.

In my new obsession- List making of pro's and cons.

Top five reasons why I want to lose weight.

5- New clothes. Drop sizes buy new clothes-  because slimfitting clothes is soooo last year.

4- So everyone at the gym fawns over me and reminds me how I am so beautiful, I shouldn't be there - because I am an attention whore.

3- For comments like this " OH my God, are you losing weight"- still an attention whore

2- To enable me respond to above comments like this " I'd Better be!, with all the hours I'm spending in the damn gym!"- even though I'm probably the most IN-consistent person that goes there.

1- So that when I parallel park perfectly (which I do perfectly 10 times out of 10) and I open the door and the space is too tiny, I can squeeze myself out of the car-  as opposed to climbing out through the passenger seat totally gracelessly. Not Like it has ever happened to me, I just see people doing shit like that.




Top 5 reasons why I hate driving.

5- People see you trafficating* and speed up, or worse flash their headlamps almost as if telling you not to think about it. and I'm thinking Nigga please, I do not even trust your brakes enough to risk this.

4- Merging Lanes- If you have ever been in traffic from third mainland bridge and entering kingsway road.
five  lanes into two lanes you are bound to encounter idiots.

3- Horns- Nigerians are constantly in a competiton they are unaware off. Who can toot thier horn the loudest. Both figuratively and literally. Like Nigga the light is red, can you stop leaning on the damn horn.

2- Okada Men- These are the vermin of roads. On the food chain of vehicles, they rank lower than pedestrians. And it doesn't help that they drive like they have 9 lives. until you hit one of them, and all the relatives swarm you like flies following shit.

1- Traffic- In Lagos, Traffic is the bane of my existence. Everywhere I go, Traffic abounds. I. Can. Not. fucking. DEAL!

Oh I got promoted on friday- Only in my firm would they post promotion list, at 6:30pm on a friday, when COB is 5pm.  Just screams sketchy. Anyway, I did not get the double promotion I wanted. So I was pretty disappointed.

I told my mother and she replied " he makes everything beautiful in his own time"- Super Woman stance yo!

I did not exactly feel better, just not as bitter as I should have been. I was bitter because I had pretty much finished spending double promotion salary next month in my head  deserved it.

Anyways- What has been up with you people?

I hate being so indecisive. What would I do to my hair?


Currently

Listening  to Bare foot on the grass listening to our favorite song If that is not real love. I have no idea what it is. Rea...