Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Subtle references

Of certain things.

for one i love to talk about my lover.

if you mention male shoes- i could just be like Oh yah the lover has those in Red, and blue or blah blah blah.

But in recent times, i have observed that people ( girls) dont make mention of their significant others.

i find it amusing- Because i am an Uber private person - but i cant seem to shut up about how awesome he is probably because he is only that way towards me but that isnt the point tho.

The point is why cant anyone else shurrup about how amazing their SO is?

i know i get that you have some whore female friends and ish

and if you over talk they will try to enter set and all- But asides that, why act like you are single.

Or are you ashamed?

2nd- The cost of living in Nigeria- too high.

I just did a mini rant about how people want other people i.e me to come

and live Heineken Magnum life style on Zobo income.

#sidebar so exactly what is the point of putting beer in a champagne bottle?
Not like any one is gonna buy a big bottle of beer and share with their friends

and except what you are celebrating is the successful sale of your left kidney in Malasyia
I dont see why you wanna be popping that.
no disrespect to the boys that do that.

Like why the hell are you selling an Ankara dress for 18k.

6 yards of ankara is maybe 2k5.
all the embellishments you wanna use- another 3k.

plus tailoring costs maybe 4k.
so why are you marking up 100%?

ok i know its not a 100% markup but whatever.

Its annoying.. and i obviously do not buy. and i have made this clear repeatedly to people

yest i still get invitations to come and buy.

Urgh Nigerians and the inexplicable need to live above our means.
I cant quite understand it.

Im actually quite upset-

i got invited to face a disciplinary committee. when even annoyed me the most- was that

they invited my mother.

explain to me why i do something wrong- AND YOU ARE CALLING MY MOTHER!!!

i mean- i am the only one in my family who uses the gym.

Hopefully we both arent too busy on that day and we forget.

or God would allow something as ridiculous as no parking space- delay us.

I am so irritated.

Im just thankful i told her, when i did.

story for enter gear two.

Monday, November 28, 2011


Its a sad thing,

even sadder when people begin to blame themselves for what they had no control over.

One of the major things ive learnt - and it hasnt been easy -is that

YOU cant control everything.

There are people who you give your all over and over and over too- and they still give you shit.

once you realize that it has nothing to do with you- its liberating.

But some people feel like they must not let anyone down,

some ( like myself) feel the need to be perfect.

and these pressures get us no where.

expect setting ourselves up for failure.

I mean previously i had stated that i had learned to not dwell on gratitude from people

This is one of those things- you can clean the shit of a dog and the dog will still come and shit there tomorrow.

it takes the grace of God to help you continue cleaning that repeatedly-

however once you learn that - when you are tired you can stop cleaning that shit, and nothing would happen.

Then you are on the path to liberation.

I still believe the world revolves around me- BUT i know that if i dont do things a certain way,

the world would keep revolving. and i have no control over that.

Sometimes, its best to let go and let God.

Now while i have never been suicidal, i can understand why some people will be.

Life gets frustrating, you hate your job, you hate men that constantly hit and run, you hate that you are stuck in traffic for insane hours everyday.

But it gets better- if You hold on.

There is a God and a turning point.

I have bad days- i have lapses and bouts of depression, and people go about thier business, the world doesnt stop.

it is up to me to reach out and say- OMG im drowing, i cant deal.

or i just fucking cant.

and there help is.

No one is all knowing, or self sufficient. But the sooner you realize that there is help if you reach out. the better for you.

"There’s nothing cowardly about suicide, and there’s nothing courageous about it, either."

Les floyd.

You can read the rest of this post here

and here is his own personal suicide story

Lets try to be there for each other.

after all, no man is an island.

and not every one is as strong as you.

Sunday, November 27, 2011


i heart drake. people refer to him as hiphop for her- but its good music-

and if its good music talking about making money, or being sucessful

or even drunk dialing an ex- that many people asides me. obviously can relate to.

Im all for it.

here is a review i saw and loved

and he writes a good blog too.


Happy place

I am at a happy place right now.

And it has nothing to do with payday.

It's satisfaction. That can only be derived from self accomplishment.

From something as little as making someone smile.

Or proving someone wrong.

Or letting everything just be in their own lane and you in yours, and waving when being wove (is that a word? Wove?) to.

Basically for someone like me who makes it her sole aim to be the rock for most of my friends - who never show appreciation.

Being in. Happy place is learning that people either friend or foe are generally forgetful and not necessarily ungrateful. I mean some are, but not all.

So I having learned this, I kinda never minded if a friend I was there for somehow managed to never be there for me. Or show appreciation.

However at my friends cook out/pop up restaurant thingy yesterday he was so thankful, and grateful and what not, I was actually surprised.

And I was happy, e en though I had learned that people are generally ungrateful.

His gratitude reminded me that doing good, can make me hAppy.

It's just odd.

That something so small can make me so happy.

It just goes to show how much God must appreciate our thanks.

Makes mental note to say thank you more often. To any and every body

Thursday, November 24, 2011


While im fully resident in Nigeria,

And we dont celebrate thanksgiving. there is the need to be thankful.

I remember this time last year i was in Ny for thanks giving and it was beautiful.

My aunt just underwent heart surgery sucessfully, she was able to get someone to look after her kids while in the hospital.

There was so much to be thankful for.

And this year we have a lot more to be thankful for,

for good health, wealth, successes promotions, inductions, Birthdays, lovers quarrels, everything its impossible to count.

But i am thankful, most for myself
This last year i have grown, my Yoruba has become better, my people skills increased, wisdom nko? e don pack come my domot.

this 2011 make i no even talk lie, na me God vex dash this 2011.

If you see as God use me take shine this year ehn?

You sef - wen you carry eye torch lite as God don use me shine wella this year e go hungry you make you come serve this My God.

None the less this year has been amazing- and all Glory is returned to God.

Baba God i say Thank you. i am Thankful.


What are you thankful for?

Two- day

yes there are two posts i saw and liked and will give you the links.


now that is out of the way. here. enjoy

i really liked it. i wish people wouldnt be so thirsty to be in a relationship and end up eating only plantain forever.

This is just a mess. The poster designer is EVIL.

oh btw NOC is outta town for the next three weeks. :(

But for some reason he hit me up today on our office messenger to " look for my trouble"

Randomly - i have dreamt about some other Negro 3 times in the last 2 weeks.

I am freaking out. its scary because i havent spoken to said Negro is 2 years.

so i didnt go to the gym today and now im running a temperature.

Must be withdrawal symptoms from the yummy DRAL* man at the gym.

btw i see Dents- i am excited.

Excited about Gbubemi's cook out next tomorrow.

AND Doyins birthday pool party on the 7Th.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


This appeals to me simply because I am trying to lose weight.
And everything is supposed to be grilled- not deep fried.
Or so they say.

So you can imagine how elated i was when i found, no heard. No discovered that my friend would be grilling at his cook out.

I definitely know how real it is.

Ideally that mini rant/muse should have come after this but- whatevz

My friend ( NO famzing here) Chef fregz, is having a cook out.

AT the centrally located GETz arena. ( its enroute palms shopping mall and basically shares a back door with 4 points. Although if you don’t know it, i advise you to use GPS. Or better still ask the Okada Men around)

Starts at 11am till late (aka when your friends you came with have to roll you home because you have over stuffed your face with delicious delicacies from the maestro himself)

And here is the menu

*insert insanely loud drum roll here*

Grilled Turkey flesh glazed with a spicy BBQ Glaze, Red Pepper Relish, Russian-Style Dressing, Lettuce Pickles, Sauteed Cabbage nested between freshly toasted brioche buns
Come with fries and dipping sauce

A Juicy T Bone Steak grilled and lightly Briased in a Yellow-Chilli Gravy served with Herb Rustic Potatoes, Cabbage and Green Beans

Butter milk Marinated Jumbo Prawns, crusted with spicy herb-breadcrumbs. Served with a Relish, Vegetable Pilaf. Or Fries


A Luxurious French Toast. Brioche Bread soaked in a Homemade custard, toasted on both sides in butter, served with whipped cream, chocolate Sprinkles and Chocolate sauce.

Each meal except the Dessert comes with a free drink

Gbubemi Fregene: Ur the VERY first person to see this

You see that last line there? It’s an excerpt of our conversation, at 1.23am.
Yup that is me subtly name dropping. Or whatever it is.

So if you want a burger, or dessert ( I KNOW I’m having one because I have been so good to the gym this week) or a steak( YUP, I’m def having one too) , or a delish prawn meal.
You should be there.

OH what’s that? You that don’t want to eat?
Good. How about you buy a meal for that girl you have been trying to set P with for ages a loved one.

OH yeah, he didn’t forget, there would be take away available.

So I see no reason why you won’t be there.

Thirsty girls- there are free drinks with every meal. You should come too.

(Asides the desert obviously- he is being kind to your waist line- be thankful)

So I Know it’s real because i shall be having steak and desert on Saturday afternoon with my gorge kinky braids AND in an Ankara dress. Probably trying to cure a hangover or nursing one.

And if all these reasons aren’t good enough for you to come, you should ask someone who is coming to buy you take away.
(But you should come, they might just eat up your order and lie that it finished- I definitely would).

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Emancipate yourself from mental slavery

I heart Bob Marley.

I lock my hair BUT i do not smoke weed.

I actually cant.

Early morning workouts for the win.

Can i just categorically state that if you can sing- dont fucking come to karaoke.

those Project fame fall outs dealt with us last night.

Last Night was my friends surprise party.

That her Boyfriend and Her Best friend planned her.

Mental slavery is real.

Anyways it was an amazing night. good food alcohol and friends.


I Love to sing, i sing everywhere.

its unfortunate i sound like shit. but still i sing.

On friday My mother and i were watching the Miss Nigeria show.

and she turned and looked and me and said " why havent you gone for this thing sef"


My mother would kill me if i even attempt to think about it. or so i thought. now here she is encouraging me to do and do Miss nigeria.

I just said oh ive never thought about it.

Then she said " think about it, besides you are far more beautiful than any of these girls"

*cheese* i know people say Monkey no fine but him mama like am.

But i really am beautiful.

I know because all my friends abuse me everytime i put a new picture saying

you can feel cute with your self.. and the likes.

anyways so after karaoked , I dragged my friend to follow me to the lovers place.

I've never been an advocate of my friends being friends with the lover.
I mean my friends are great But i'd rather not have them hover around my lover tenz.
By the way he doesnt even like all those extra things of friendships. of friends and blah blah blah.

but she was rolling with me, so we went together to see him.

She also hates him btw- i cant be bothered.

But midway through the visit- she pulled me into the kitchen and said yall are too cute.

and im like please dont tell anyone- I would hate for anyone else to think we arent Bonny and clyde.

The lover is such a boss and im such a babe.

But it was a good visit none the less. and i love good visits with the lover.

Oh by the way i have a bathroom now- although i hate the color.

I really like it.
Which means i would have as few people over as possible.
before badbelle people come and spoil it for me.



i swear its my fucking sports bra.

i started working out and they just started increasing.

they have always been perky but the increase was alarming.

AND NOW- everyone thinks i did my boobs.

I mean i know my body is at its best shape yet.

#shamelessplug www.xoxoclubbadass.blogspot.com

But like play like play one person will soon start spreading rumours that i did my boobs.

which is actually why im yacking about my weight loss and all the effort im putting in.

because i know bad belle people are gonna be on that she is taking pills tip.

I know this because when i put on weight they were on that " she is having unprotected sex and is o'ding on postinor II tip"

and there i was just eating myself away into the rumours.

Moving on- YAY to morning work outs.

For one i get the best compliments- someone asked me why i come to the gym, he actually said " But you are so beautiful, what are you doing here"

In my mind, im like err- Do people come to the gym to become beautiful?"

i just said " oh thank you"

Thats how yesterday when i was pulling out of the venue the parking guy said" ah Miss world"

I asked him, is it me you are calling Miss world? he said yes now- you no sabi as you fine reach.

had to tip him N100. the washing is just too much.

Gats put my body in Victoria secret Model shape for My home girl Doyins Birthday.

WOOOOOP! Gonna shut the pool dowwwwwn.

I actually tied on my sarong today.

Gats look sexxxay.

oh and speaking of emancipating myself from mental slavery.

I do not have a crush on Noc

urgh a part of me gansta died a litte having to admit that.

But now that ive admitted it. i probably wont be able to stand him again.

I swear Im like oil and water on this crush issue.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Why men do not approach you

its !am i wonder why im up and crawling the internet. anyhhos, i found this


and i agree.

if you dont.

i. dont. give. a.shit.

good. i like how clear that was.

personally im not a fan of women walking up to men to talk to them.

however getting them to subtly notice you.


and if you arent interesting or you have a loosing personality.

you'd better get your reverse cow girl game on.

The weekend

Updated my bbm status from Reni- day to " Stay at home and cook up a storm saturday"

5:30am Gym alarm went off

5:45am 3 alarm snoozes later, I woke up and got dressed.

6:05 Headed to the gym.

6:08 arrived at the gym.

7:50 called the lover

8:05 left the gym

8:20 My girl Riri shows up.

8:40 i decide to quit yoga class and make Zobo.

8:55 Aunty Joy comes over
9:40 Lover returns my call- i blow him off.
9:41 i run out of sugar- end of zobo making.

10:45 Watching Yoruba movie on afmag Yoruba.

12:00 She decides to make oil rice, while i decide to make ram pepper soup.

12:30 Jasmine Invites me for Lolly's birthday bbq. I say Ok.

12:45 Woma calls, he is bored, though he may have a date later tonight he is coming.

2:00 Woma shows up. I offer him Ice cream.and cake.

3:00 he sips the Zobo, he loves it, he instigates vodka in the mix, its ACE.

3:45 Work on my bathroom is concluded- still i cant use it for 2 days.

4:00 Super woman arrives.

5:00 i offer Woma peppersoup while i shower and get ready.

6:05 I am ready and we hit the road.

6:50 we drop off Aunty Joy and head to lolly's party.

7:30 We arrive at lolly's party strictly in a show face capacity

I spot Buchi and Ope making out in a dark corner. i say heeeey.
we walk in, and i see Deji. he hugs me. i hug him back.

woma makes a snide comment about the hug lasting too long.

I have the absolute "softest" spot for Deji. Love him to littlr bits.

Segun see's woma, they are excited and allow me wander.

I see a bunch of old faces.

I spot NOC.

Noc and i- Hug and air kiss. i ask to be excused.

I see badwale- we do a little dance, he calls me orobo

Jade pulls me and accosts me for being late, i tell her im sorry. I had a long day.

I spot sessy- she is sitting next to NOC to i ask " is this our husband?"

he heard. she replied" no i only just met him now"

he promises to query me. i smile and ask for my goat.

sessy asks for my watch. we giggle.

its good to see her. its been aeons.

Jade pulls me, i come face to face with my Ex.

For the 1st time in forever, his sight doesnt make me feel like vomiting.

He turns away.

I pull him in, and hug him.

"I miss you" he said.

"Im sure" I replied.

he smiled.

For the 1st time since we broke up- I dont think i was drunk through out that relationship.

He re-introduces me to his friends, and that ones oyibo girlfriend.

he whispers something to her

then the thought returns- I must have been drunk the entire relationship.

The thought doesnt leave my head anymore. i excuse my self.

I turn around- and i catch Sola's eye.

I smile. apparently he is Noc's friend and bringer.

We make small talk. he refers to Noc as my Oga.

i reply " he is someone i work with"

He then tells Noc and request that i should be queried on Monday.

"urm actually he cant query me, he owes me a favour" i blurt out.

Your Oga cant owe you a favour he said. i smiled.

we moved on to mindless chatter. i excuse myself

Noc was looking too fucking yummy in his all while ensemble.

I see Jade- Ask her for take away small chops, im leaving in 2 mins i tell her.


I have to take woma home.

then will you come back?

Nope home is in lekki.

she calls us Kissing cousins.

I hug and airkiss her.

I have little mindless chatter with Segun about this aunt's birthday.

8:10 Woma pulls me- we leave

8:45 We get to lekki to get ice cream and cake.

9:05 we finally find the place. he likes the ice-cream and refers to himself as a cake connoisseur. i giggle. its freaking cake.

9:30 He orders two more slices. and packs the rest as take away.

9:45 i arrive at home. i tell him i would see him neZt week. i giggle. he reprimands me. i still giggle.

10:05 i repark my car. take of my bra- get ready for bed.

10:34 the lover shows up.

10:35 the lover leaves.

10:45 I watch beyonces new video. i tweet my opinion about it.

i watch a couple other videos.

12:05 i complete this blogpost.

Its my Ridiculously Insanely hot Iyawo Reni's birthday.

I love her to bits and wish her the very best in the coming year.

- It does seem like Noc seems to be popping up a lot on my radar. urgh.
i hate that i like it.

Friday, November 18, 2011

About me

Growing up, I always believed i would not be able to teach.

because logically, i shouldnt be able too.

Im impatient, and intelligent.

two wrong xteristics for teachers to possess.

But yah i volunteered to teach admist my crazy work schedule and catering to the lover and doing yoga and working out at the gym.

Today was my 1st day and i liked it.

But what i saw also broke my heart.

The accounting (book-keeping according to waec)teacher is also, the Geography, Computer and Sports Master.

He seemed so relived when i told him i would be taking accounting.

He also said- We wouldnt be able to teach them according to the scheme of work because time is running out and they have no accounting back ground.

what do you mean by no accounting background i asked.

he said well most of the topics are sSS1 AND SS2 topics and they did not do accounting in SS1 and SS2.

me- so what am i supposed to teach them.

him- We should just focus on past questions that usually come out.

and my heart broke.

I there any future for poor people in NIgeria?

Education wise- because it seems like except you are able to send your child to corona or BIS or somewhere equally expensive, the child is doomed from the onset.

I know in life not all fingers are equal and life is not fair.

BUT this is so unfair. and Sad.

My mother grew up poor( as i always say) and she said she had no choice BUT to pay attention in school because education was her only way out of poverty.

its scary now because im realizing the future of Nigeria is not exactly bright.

and obviously belongs to only those who are lucky their parents are rich enough to send them to good schools.

Its a sad sad sad state.

If you are unemployed, or you have large amounts of free time- I teach at the Maroko high school Osborne road. if you are interested in volunteering please contact @tobystic or @sabirah0 or @iamHRS1 on twitter.

Thursday, November 17, 2011


I just saw the victoria secret fashion show pictures on Linda Ikeji.

Pass me those pills.


def resuming threadmill worship tomorrow.

i want a body of a super model.

which is funny because the Lover hates stick thin girls.

i am at a cross roads.

ok fuck that- their bodies are nice and shit, but thats all there is.

I want kelly rowland and Melanie fiona's body.

toned, volumptous and tall. Just like me.

i am a vain rat.

and i quite like it.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

A time to stop

Im gonna stay away from blogging till i can get past these particular feelings.

About a certain situation that really doesnt concern me.

Also intend to steer clear of said party so one day im my lapse of diplomacy i wont be forced to blurt out how stupid the whole setting is.

Ok that aside. i saw this peice while trawling the interwebs as always


i didnt bother with the comments. the post made enough sense.

anyways that being said.

I am in love with my Ipad. i know i know.

i take back all the vile things i said about it before

i intend to go to the gym 3 times a week, its already wednesday and i havent gone. ONCE.

im appalled. this is so unlike me.

anyhoos. cant wait for lunch break so i can go home and crash.

ohhh the TFC topper salad is the way, the truth and the life!

Love eeeeet.

its so yummy esp when paired with mai mai ( thats how steph pronouces moi moi) she is a mini village rat.

im also trying to find a school for my GMat classes.

the one i found today- 129k for the cheapest class.

I swear i dont know how people that have kids to look after do this. its a bit too much.

the salary is too little and the responsibilities are too high.

Im too young to be bitching about salary just yet.

i swear im just gonna have 2 kids and home school them. and own a farm so we can grow our food.

OMG This NOC* keeps speaking to me in yoruba. like cracking jokes and stuff in Yoruba.

fear AND mostly shame wont allow me tell him i dont speak, and i barely understand yoruba.

One time this dude in my office, made a stupid snide remark about my inability to speak yoruba.

He actually said if he was working with me- he would speak only yoruba to me and give me a hard time.

What is most irritating about the whole thing is HE DOESNT FUCKING KNOW ME.

i hate co workers that think its cool to crack stupid jokes about something as trival as speaking yoruba.

But most times, i just tell them i speak Isoko, and they shut up.

but some insist on knowing why i dont speak Yoruba especially since i live in Lagos.

Then i point out that i dont live with my father or any of my yoruba speaking relatives.

and this particular retard actually said" why didnt i say that since, anyways its still not a good enough reason"

then this same retard asked me for my pin and insisted i add him, then went ahead to try to make conversation with me on bbm.

you know how you delete someone mid convo, so as they are chatting with you, the next thing they see is " this person is no longer a contact?"

thats what he got.

stupid retard.

anyways its instances like that, that make me not ever want to have relations with yoruba people. too fucking small minded.

on the other hand, when NOC cracks a joke in yoruba- the need to learn the language is so overwhelming.

i swear im like oil and water on this issue. one day i cant stand it. next day i want it so bad.

anyhoos that aside, how is everyone doing.

Ive been so tired of late. i didnt bother coming to work yesterday.

actually i went to the hospital.

i wont share how disappointed i was by everything there.

i also need to point out that the Nigerian HMO system is a huge scam.

I dont see why we cant just sign for the bill for whatever treatment we receive.

Instead we pay a certain amount every month, AND get to the hospital and they tell you

oh its only when you are sick that the HMO covers you.

so if you arent sick and say maybe you want to do a pap smear, you have to pay for that.



If this does not constitute a failed state.

Then i have no idea what does.

NOC= Nershy's office crush.

anyways i still cant wait for lunch break so i can go home and sleep.

after ive had a topper salad.

Monday, November 14, 2011


Finally I can blog the iPad

I have soooooo much to talk about.

1st I finally found the bracelet the lover gave me- but it cut.

2nd I found it after I cleaned my room.

3rd I'm so fucking excited about my new neighbors

4th Best of luck to Asake tomorrow.

Fuck this shit. Lemming use my laptop to blog.

Just for the record, this device is very hard to use .

Oh I intend to go to the gym 3 times week and swim once a week.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

new look AGAIN!!

i am feeling the black and white theme going on.

No greys up in this bitch.

ok thats a lie, between black and white, lie a thousand shades of grey.

However, the blue reminds me of blue biro.

ps: people who stay in the grey areas in moral issues, have the hottest part of hell awaiting them.

Theme looks too fresh and clean.

Unlike my life right now. its a mess.

and by life i mean room.

I need minions. and plenty of them. and soon.

My client just told me Audit work is not for beauty queens.

While i am not a beauty queen, i agree. this shit drains you.

hence my need for minions.

Back to pressure of execl sheets. im supposed to pull out today!

the truth

i believe Nigerians are settlers.

After trawling the internet instead of working... whatever sue me.

I found another piece that proves my point.

Nigeria’s current predicament is the result of the constant promotion and elevation of mediocrity. Every time a corrupt, non-performing public official is given a free pass because he is ‘our son’, every time a contract is awarded to the least capable bidder because of patronage, every time ‘federal character’, ‘zoning’, or ‘rotation’ is used to smuggle in clueless individuals, this nation sinks a little deeper.

The bar for what is regarded as ‘good’ or ‘excellent’ in our society has been lowered to an alarming extent. It is everywhere: in our music, our movies, our sports, mediocrity is accepted and promoted. The same things we tolerate in our politics, are the same things we tolerate in our aspects of our national life.

Nigeria is a nation of rationalisers, ‘toleraters’ and ‘managers’.- Joachim MacEbong.

you can read the rest of the post here


or better still hos whole blog here


pss. this doesnt mean i this wordpress is a good blog interface.




and 4 other things.

not having a bathroom sucks.

what sucks even more, is forgetting you dont have one.

and even more than forgetting is the fact you have to wake up extra early since you are sharing.

too annoying.
BUT im thankful there is a roof over my head.

i really should stop complaining about petty things, makes me seem ungrateful.

and i am grateful.

Anyways on my way out, i saw an article that caught my eye on sunday's paper so i grabbed it

and decided i would read it in traffic.

this bit totally defines my stand on it.

"I have no capacity or justification to hate anybody because he is gay or she is lesbian. After all, am I a better human being simply because I’m not gay? Is sexuality the only standard by which men and women shall be judged? If I’m not gay but do not love my neighbour, does that make me a better human being? Is homosexuality the only thing God hates? Does God love lying, deceit, cheating, stealing, backbiting, treachery, pride, etc etc?"- Simon Kolawole.

you can read the whole article here

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

OMG.. I'm just gonna blog this

now we all know the lover is a little diva.

this isnt news.

we were supposed 2 do "couple stuff" ala see a movie, or have dinner.

or something totally unhealthy for my waist line.

but i was running late because i went to see my aunt.

so he called me, and i said oh im coming straight from here

and he says, oh please go home and buy some things for me.

na so nigga start to list, one item, 2nd item, 3rd item.

but the one item that pushed me to tweet how spoilt he was,

was when he said "oh please and toothpaste"

but lets forget that his office is next to tej.

and there are people that sell this stuff around his office.

or that there is a major supermarket down his road.

lets pay no mind to this.

he then further went on to say " oh he wants foreign toothpaste"

and preferably something herbal.

and im like- isnt your mouth nigerian?

so since i am one of those people that travel and over buy shit like toothpaste and sure from super drug and boots and alll that. i just went home to get the "foreign toothpaste"

na so i enter house say make i just sharply visit white house.

na so i open the door.

children of the most high. there was nothing in my bathroom.

like it had been stripped naked.

there were no tiles on the wall. only concrete.

and i was like oooommmmmgheeeeeee. im just gonna blog about this.

so i know i live with my mother, who owns the house, but how would you just strip my bathroom naked.

without notice. what if i came home to nack and we needed to shower?

na under tank get us be that- abi no be so.

i was so mad.

my mum had her bathroom remodeled and she loved it so much she wanted to do mine.

on the condition that we split the cost, and im like - tainz my old one still werks fine.

because i am an alaroro.

so im sure she felt the best way was too to it without my approval.

i am also very burnt because if i protest, she would ask me to take this as incentive to move into my own husbands house.

anyways thats how in my hungry and immensly upset state, i decided to continue the journey to the lovers' to go and do "couples stuff"*

he called me and said i should meet him at 1g4.

and i did.

he said he had a business meeting, only to get here, and i saw a couple of his business partners,

seated, playing fifa 12.

the lover whispered only 2games.

fast forward to 2 hours and one chinese order from marocaine, im still here

watching them play fifa 12.

im not even mad anymore.

im just hungry.

ps- couples stuff is not a reference to cotius.

Godiva, Sallah meat at 4am

The lover is the reason i am fat today.

and its the truth. from day one when i met him. that was his aim.

To fatten me up so nobody would look at me again.


anyways that is besides the point.

I went over to his last night, and somehow ended up sleeping over.

*side bar- i swear that shit is getting outta hand, i say to my self, lemmie sleep for 30mins


and you know the irritating part, Nigga would probably be up watching TV.

I dont know what that says about the typa sleeper that i am.

But that is not why we are here.

So lastnight, since We are now both trying to lose weight,

WE decided we would have ONE sharwama for dinner.

*another sidebar.
I dunno about you but sharing sharwama is HARD!!!
Its difficulty can be compared to * insert insanely hard metaphor here*

such as-

Its difficulty can be compared to shooting a HD video with a Black berry curve 2 that doesnt have flash.

-exactly its fucking impossible.

But you know what they say, you cant lose weight, if you stay eating the same way you gained weight.

so I bought the said sharwama and forgot it in my car. And remembered when i got to his.

so While we were watching Alpha- he fell asleep.

Being the over skilled monkey that i am. - I sharply ate half.

And stop judging me.

i think the smell woke him up, so i lied it had finished. and he proceeded to open the Godiva.

* i swear last side bar.

the first sheet you see when you open that box, is the Nutrition fact sheet. in black and white, as if its practically jumping at you.

i would spare you the deets, but basically a serving is 200 calories.
now thats the good part.

this is the great part- a serving consists of about 3 pieces.



but that didnt stop us tho.

which is really sad, because we are probably gonna be a fat couple till we both tie our teeth or something equally as melo dramatic.

and 4 to 5 other things.
1. Nershy's crush hasnt called me with the Sallah meat he promised to bring to work for me.
2. I am accepting donations to my Buy me moscato fund- BTW i dont appreciate TOLA saying i made her an alcoholic. making it sound like i put a gun to her head- but to be fair, i am pretty persuasive when it comes to alcohol. ask the Lover. before he could stand Rose wine, but now- Nigga is hooked.
3. so i went to Lagos Market and found the lace. AT *insert drumroll here* 7k. yes so said lady intended to make 13k on a piece. My mother was livid. I dont blame her. i cant stand people jobbing me. especially family.
4. Today is Oneki's birthday. I love her muchos, growing up she practically raised us. She sued to let me go to parties and shit.
5. at 4am this morning, the lover and I ate all the sallah meat i forgot at his over the weekend. along with some more Godiva.( i took only one piece) but he gobbled everything up.- Afterall he that is down need fear no fall. Me on the other hand. I still have hope.
6. I know i said 4 or 5. BUT i need to know what is wrong with Men giving women money? you see the problem with women is that we are our own enemies. Fine you dont want your boyfriend giving you money, park in your lane, but instead you are abusing the girl that is demanding what she wants, and getting it, calling her hungry and what not- WHEN IN REALITY YOU SEF YOU WANT THE SAME THING. talking about, OH i dont wanna ask, but if you give me i will take.

Matt 7:7 Ask and it shall be given unto you.
Even God knows the importance of asking, but instead be there simmering in bitterness. na you know.

anyways im #teamtakemoneyfromyoman #teamnevergodutch and most importantly.


So how was your sallah break? was it Ace?
Did you whore for meat?
Or did you come to work like lil ol me?

ps: i just realised how dirty " did you whore for meat sounded".

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Sallah and Random things.

I dont know where to start from.

And i dont want to bore you people with insanely long posts.

but yah Eid mubarak. to all my moslem readers.

I finally got around going to visit my Lovers mother, Hadnt seen her since April. gosh.

Anyways we watched xfactor USA and yabbed everybody we felt like yabbing.

and it was good bonding time.

I miss that, before the lover moved out, we used to chill a lot together. :(

psss: the longer i stay looking at these dresses on ASOS.com, the more i rationalize aristo in my head. lol jk. but ASOS delivers to Nigeria now. the devil is a liar. i will remain strong!!!!

I knew him moving was a bad idea.

2nd. Shout out to my friend who finally got what she wanted. I am glad.

3rd. Swift is a shit network.

4. I came home yday night only to find my mother buying lace. thats how i got roped in. and now im buying lace, that im not even wearing. smh

5. My other car came back from the mechanics place today. LAWWWWWDY!
the lover is def in my good books for this.

6. Although he broke my bottle of moscato and im a lirru Mad at him. but still...

7. i recommend the bare foot brand of moscato for my wine drinkers. it has become my new kryptonite along side moi moi.

8. I just spent almost 40 mins downloading this song- hold me MJ , free willy sound track.

9. im itching to go karaoking. even tho i doubt my voice box has recovered from the last attempt we had. it was still fun.

10. the ipad. is probably the shittiest gadget ever. I so totally do not need it. urgh. Android ftw.

but dont take my word on that, im the most technically inept person i know. smh

11. This ghana weaving that was my highest last week. don dey rough. urgh.

12. i ran into someone that grew up in the same estate as i did. i told him i wanted to move back, he thought i was insane. :(

13. My lover is usually a big baby. but when he is sick. nah men, i cant deal, NIgga just becomes a diva. refusing to eat and throwing tantrums and shit. Half the time its amusing. but today, it was irritating. mildly. but still annoying, in that" Does this boy think im his mother typa way"

14. SOOOOOOOO Oc* and i had a mini convo via text today. it was funny cuz my girl said he was attempting to set P, via sallah meat. anyways he offered to bring the meat to work for me on wednesday.

15. FRSC stopped me today to ask for fire extinguisher and C- caution. I swear im going to kill my driver- nigga will be requesting new seat covers and floor mats, meanwhile there is no C-Caution in the car. too annoying. and then FRSC said they would write me a ticket. and im like hiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan. ticket Kwa? maka gini? mschewww. in my mind obv. i just smiled as asked if they would need to take the car as well.

they sha released me.

16. I miss my baby brother. he is my go to guy for everything electronic mayne.

17. im entering lagos market with Oneki tomorrow. *fingers crossed*

or i would just steal your own. jejely.

ps: oc = office crush of Nershy. who happens to have a mega crush on me. but i try not to fan the flames- although i have her blessings. but he fineeee, like a ticket on the dash.

pss: song im totally feeling MJ's "hold me" free willy sound track.

Im feeling extra vulnerable right now, somebody hold me


Thursday, November 3, 2011

Stereo Hearts.

There is a pain that is caused by a perpetual search for intimacy. Although we are not lonely, we feel alone. When we are not alone and we see a happy couple, we long for what they have but still want to be alone because it’s easier. Even though it’s easier, we are still miserable. It is an interesting cycle. Yes. There are those of us who are happy being single, then there are those of us who are unhappy being single but do not want to be in relationships. - Khaya.

I totally have a crush on him. On twitter off kess, he also didnt go to Uni and is an Ad exec in SA ( think Don draper a la madmen )

I would have put up his blog links, but there is no fun in sharing.

ps im still basking in the post birthday euphoria. to everyone that came AND Oyinkan. Thank you!

#np Stereo Hearts. * Insert the bbm love emoticon here*

pss: for some reason im itching to see the lover tomorrow night, im actually getting excited about it.

Urgh i hate that he excites me. ok a part of me likes it. still Iyama.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Happy Birthday to Me

I was going to do this all day.

BUt before i start.

Thank you everybody, the presents, your presence the messages, phone calls. everything.

It was just too much.

I have the most amazing friends yall.

And to every one who came tonight despite the traffic. Thank you. It means a lot to me especially as Sbaby was mocking me that no one was coming.

Thank all of you.

Extra spesh Shout out to Rozay*! I love you baby.

No for real, i Love him very very plenty.

Ive been sending him raunchy bbm messages all evening, thats the kinda shit love does to you.

So i didnt intend to do anything or even have anyone over sef- as always.

Then day before yesterday, i Ran into( ok not ran into) went to see My aunt, who convinced me she had everything on lockdown.

and she did.

cooler of rice, small chops, drinks. all i had to do was pick up.

and that i did.
Shout out to oneki.

As if i knew i would eat as if there was no tomorrow( totally bad move) i started my Birthday with prayer with my mother - In which she shamelessly plugged the need for me to get married, i mean i know its prayer and all, but not with me, about me and on my birthday-still Love my momma.

Then at 5:30 i dragged my ass to the gym. yes you people are seeing right. at 5:30am.

I went to the gym.

Although i dont feel slimmer i beliee God rewards hard work.

Went to work late- Because of my mum, - who gave me the most Amazing birthday pressie.

Then my Phone and bbm and Lord my Facebook.

Truly Truly and Truly, i felt Loved.

Only downside to this, i earned like 30 new contacts- although i intend to delete them all in 2 weeks.

Back to feeling loved. since i am obscenely emotional( i cry) when people shower me with affection. I promised myself that no matter what happens to day i wont cry.

But When Ivana and Olivia ( My little cousins in yankee) called me today my bladder behind my eyes gave way and i started weeping. only a little.

I could feel the love. - i think this is inexplicable but i know what im saying.

anyways fast forward to after lunch, My girles< Itunes, Sab and Yeriye> came to my office to visit me. :)

and we were just there gisting in the visiting room, when a delivery guy walked in with a cake. FOR ME!!!!

Iwas too blown away. i was like :O then *insert weeping smiley* but good tears.

i had them take it away because the useless front desk guy there that always gives me grief was showing a bit too much interest in the said cake.

5:25 at oshodi and there is traffic, luckily for me Mr Esan My Mopol driver is the one taking me around this week. We one-wayed a number of ilupeju roads, especially coker link road to oshodi. it was a mess, But When Mr E is driving i feel kinda safe( i also love the lawlessness of Nigerians)

When someone that was controlling traffic at the junction where we were taking one way tried to stop us, he abused the person and said this yeye boys scout. and He knew he was wrong.

as i said, i love the lawlessness of Lagos driving.

anyways so i find my way to Ebutemetta to pick up the food. Oneki has a mini cooler waiting to have me taste the rice. Tastes Fucking delish.

we get home. and My friends are already waiting for me.

It was an amazing Night, Alcohol, good company, Presents, back and forth good natured banter, party Jollof rice, Small chops and Debo.

The night couldnt possibly get better, then Officer Ricky showed up.

and it was a Wrap!

Then my mum came in 1 hour later and said, " ah i dont see any champagne on the table, where is it, You mean you didnt give them any?" Oya go up and get some.

Na so popping of champagne enter the matter.

it was Such an awesome Night. and i am thankful, for the presents, the calls, messages, new addtions on bbm, pin messages, OMG the tweets!!!- that i would soon finish replying ni oruko Jesu, face book wall posts and messages- Which i have NO intentions of even replying, everything was just too much. if any thing topped game night and karaoke put together- it was this.

My Birthday was Amazing. and from the bottom of my heart i Thank everybody that made it that. God bless you< Richly.

Extra Shout out to my cousin for my bottles of Moscato. :)

I dont want yesterday to even end. but it has. and i am truly thankful for Gods blessings in my life.

Ps: So happy birthday to Ori and Bomo. I love you both.

Pss: All variations of the names of Rick ross the rapper ie Officer Ricky, Rozay etc is in reference to the Lover.

Emails at 1am

This week the love of my life Uloh was in town. Sooo we went out eating drinking running and just generally doing nuisancey shit around tow...