Wednesday, July 19, 2017

T & E

Me: I do not know maybe I will go out on friday
E:    Well its election saturday
Me: Even better let me go and find whose house I will spend it at
E:    You know there is NO movement right? so you need to be sure you want to spend the whole day with whoever it is you wake up next to.
Me: Yeah, I'll probably just go home.
T:    Yeah you are probably not going home.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

testimonyyyy tahmmmm.

I do not worry a lot.

Things work out a lot for me, and those that don't, I chalk them up to things that shouldn't and I when I look back I'm thankful that they didn't.

But I worry sometimes about money when I make poor choices because I run a really tight ship with my finances.

Like if I deviate or wrongly forecast, I literally have to live on N5k for a week type tight ship.

Anyway, my friends and I have been trying to go to Ghana for AGES. and these heifers are the most unreliable sme sme filled girls. So to say we haven't been able to sort it out is an understatement.

Sha on saturday I was at Yoga, and turns out a bunch of people are going to * insert African country* and I'm interested.

Then when I'm told how much it costs I'm like yeah sign me UP.

So I pay for the accommodation on the spot.

And I'm like cool, I still have money for my mechanic who came to take my car that morning.

Sha, mechanic came and it was double what I budgeted, meaning I was going to be left with maybe N800 in my checking account.

But no biggie, I had money on my E-tag and fuel in my car for the week so I'm cool.

Sunday comes and these heifers are now " Serious" about Ghana.

New dates and what not, and more expensive ticket prices.


I also check the second trip because I mean I'm already intensely emotionally and financially invested.

Rookie mistake, I do not book a ticket on hold.

So Monday morning I get to work, I check online and I book a slightly cheaper ticket that the booking expires in 3 days but I do not really care because I mean I do not have the money and I'm doing the mental maths of  the fastest way of moving money around and maybe paying or not.

And because I'm silly and ungrateful and my memory is sooo short about how all the times God has come through for me, I start telling Eneni how, OMG I'm going to have to cancel one of the trips, most likely Ghana because no money etc etc etc.

Then I get a credit alert.
From my Old employers.
Co-operative Scheme.

Which is the exact amount of money for my ticket. That I had booked 30 minutes ago.

Because I have home training and I don't have power for onigbese and I'm well behaved I look at the details of the person that paid me. Like huh?

Okay so I'm confused, I'm calling who sent me the money like- EXCUSE ME, off course no one picks up.

I panic and tell Eneni that I just got some money but it has to be a mistake, she said send an email.

I send an email like " Hey guys I got some money, whats it about?"

Turns out on Friday they had a meeting and decided to pay Dividend and since I was a member up till May of this year I was eligible for payment and that was that.

Color me amused.

By the time the decision was made to pay me, I did not even know about the trip.

When I decided to go on the trip, I did not have the money but I paid for the accommodation anyway.

I booked the ticket and I had no idea where I planned to get the money from.

In literally 30 minutes of the booking being made, I got the exact amount.

You guys, I did not even pray or anything. It did not even occur to me to pray or tell God, I have other things I'm praying for so I'm like wo, this one I can handle let me not disturb God, I'm already asking him for that other thing- PS: He also sorted that one out as well.

All I did was try to start worrying about what had already been taken care off, before I even knew I was going to have that need.

Is God not amazing?

Doesn't he really see the end from the beginning and deserve our full and ultimate trust?

Am I not crazy for worrying when EVERY SINGLE TIME, he has come through so spectacularly that I am ashamed of how silly I was and I have Nigerian politician levels of shame AKA non existent.

Hint: Yes. Yes and Yes I am obviously crazy.

Like I want to put up the conversation I was having with my friend about how I'm going to have to drop a trip and stop buying things etc etc etc.

Shaaaa once I confirmed the money was actually mine.

I called the airline, confirmed the office location, and closing time.

Left my office at 4pm and went to pay for my ticket.

And that is that.

Vacation for the second half of the year sorted.

I still can't believe it.

Honestly if you want good things to happen to you, maybe you should hitch your self to my star because even me I can't explain it.

And this is why I really really really think my life's work has something to do with travel and travel finance, and why I keep at writing my Travel blog because I truly think they are linked but I'm still trying to work it out.
Plus there are only so many throwback posts I can give the gram before my bad belle followers block me.

Because, this is such a massive thing for me, I got home and told my mum.

She was like- God really likes you sha.

I told her- You think???

So that's the second travel testimony this year and we are just in July.

Dear God,

You know how we spoke about Asia being 2018 travel. Come through for your daughter.
Since you clearly have the hands and you are in the business of showing off in my life.

So I'm thinking the Thailand Yacht week* to ring in 2018 because you guysss I finalllly turn 30!

Then two weeks in May doing the big 4 Asian countries,

And if you have been reading this blog you already know how excited I have been about turning 30.

I really think I will enter my final form of fabulousness

Although people who know me say I am well on the way.

So that is the testimony.

God provided before the need physically manifested in my life.

 Also I'm thinking of trying out this fly without checking in luggage life.

So if anyone has tips come through for your girl abeg.

* I think it is cancelled now sha.

Ps: If anyone has been to Asia with a Nigerian passport tell me how you hacked it.
Pss: What Asian cities should I see?
Psss: Every trip is probably 2 weeks/10 working days.

List 26: List the things you would change in your life right now if you could


- My commute to work

-The fact that Eneni doesn't want to have a birthday party

-  The fact that I over sleep the next morning when I shower in the night ( and this is absolutely ridiculous)

- The fact that I'm not the Virgina black's ambassador for the West African market. please someone should talk to Drake for me.

Friday, July 14, 2017


LOL relax.

The Wale X Usher Song

Its like any growth, you can't be ready for it
Because its growth , It's gonna be new
you are going to have a new life
you are going to be a new person.

Baby I've been making plans 

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

List 25. List the things that make you feel powerful

This is so random because only last week someone said to me, you like to feel like super woman.

LOL - I need to get back into the gym.

I think I feel the most powerful when I win/get what I want.

It's awful but true.

also when I am able to get my body to do what needs to be done sometimes at the gym, or on the Yoga mat.

Finally when I react just exactly how I decided to response irrespective of how I feel like responding.
I feel so good when that happens.

Like I love it so much.

When I'm like girl you already decided you weren't going to flip, and I do not flip.

Perfect and Powerful.

Monday, July 10, 2017



non stop to as I am wont to do.

I know I know yet another spanish song.
In my real life, I'm going to marry a spanish billionaire because
in the words of JayZ, whats better than one billionaire? Two.

Y se formó la gozadera, Miami me lo confirmo
Y el arroz con habichuela, Puerto Rico me lo regaló

My spanish is getting better btw.


or just concluded reading this book.
Everything I needed to read/here in a flooded in weekend.

As you all know I am on a path to find my emotional range and I'm doing a lot of reading re: self awareness and this is such a good book.
Really important quote " You do not have to explain your love, You do not have to justify your love, You just need to practice your love.

Started a bout of self love my appreciating my body with sun salutations yesterday morning, fixing my hair and going to see the works of someone who said my features were very striking and he wanted to paint me. Old me would  have been like *side eye*, current me is like - wa wa wa thoughts. LOL.

Anyway its a really really solid book. 


-Kind to my body. I've had three surgeries and my body has housed my soul through recuperation and I'm done trying to get it into something else. My body is gonna be the body it is.

- Forgiving to the people who offended me. This is difficult because I used to be petty AF. But over the weekend, I took a step to forgive someone and I was really pleased. Still upset but glad.

-Late to work because rain came and washed away all the roads in Lagos.

- Truthful to myself and others by no longer telling lies that I do not need to tell. but especially to myself


For my favorite earrings. This loss of jewelry is so stressful for me because I never used to lose shit now I can't find anything.

Forward to this weekend, I have a yoga class and a wedding and I'm thinking maybe drinks and dinner.

Back at the delicious weekend I had. Asides being flooded in, I finally sorted out something that I have been stressing myself over. So pleased. I also took my new rings for a spin. Super pleased.

For people to do my get away with. Still silence.


-What someone who I met said to me, "I'm worried. You have so much depth", meant.
for whatever it is worth I'm sure it was a compliment.

- If this statement is true " Just because you are not winning, doesn't mean you are loosing"


That statement is true because its the window with which I plan to look at my supposed 6 month celibacy plan that turned into a short lived 3 week run.

Short lived is even being ambitious. but IDC IDC.


My life to the fullest.

Friday, July 7, 2017

Cougar du jour

Spent today in bed, I had exposed myself to the elements on Thursday and I just took today out rest and recoup.

My mum came in and said when she saw my car on a Friday night, then she knew I was really sick.

Imagine that?

Last night I was at bogobiri with T as is now our Thursday tradition ( till he runs away to America), and I met yet another 25 year old.

T shakes him and says, I prefer the one from last week.

I am about to die of laughter.

Why do you get to have a pissing contest with my baby boy's ? I ask.

Because It is always a pissing contest he replies.

I met an artist on Wednesday who has an exhibition I want to go and see after church on Sunday,

If anyone is interested please let me know so we can make plans to go together. My contact me page/link thingy has my email.

I'm finding my foray into art very very very interesting, It's almost like I stepped in and now EVERY door is opening to me.

I love that it is a really different laid back vibe from what I am used to in my actual job.

Also someone said they cant decipher what I do for a living from my Instagram account. Strange I swore IG had a different purpose but I guess I'm playing myself.

If anyone cares I'm in PR. LOL

That's what everyone thinks I do anyway so. :)

My former co-worker is getting married tomorrow and I honestly do not want to go.

Like I so don't want to go ehn, but I am going to go because it has already been decided by me and I think it would mean a lot to the bride if I show up.

Today is Eros's birthday.

And no I did not send him any present or message or olive branch because what is dead may never die but rise again stronger and oh look its 9 days to season 7 even though I don't watch GOT.

Still waiting on the final book sha.

I need to be really really really careful what I think/wish It always seems to come to pass.

I'm ready to become a super model and travel the world for free and run on beaches half naked and walk in fashion shows and write columns in magazines about my life in my spare time.

Dear Universe, my skin is clear enough for this now, over to you.

Speaking of travelling the world, I had planned to do more Nigeria travel but why does no one want to follow me?

I'm about to get myself a chunk of expat boyfriends to face this my travel dreams with because You nigerians aint shit ahn ahn.

Travel plans include IITA, Kaduna and Abraka.

You know just incase anyone is interested they are pretty much friday to sunday plan trips, pocket friendly and I'm celibate so I won't jump you. ( you can relax)

The only thing I ask, pay your way and take fire photos of me okay?

M thinks my life is very interesting.

Asides my self imposed sex drought, I am inclined to agree.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017


I think my boss is inappropriate.

Which isn't unusual. This is Nigeria.

But inappropriate in that he is giving me marital advice and we are not close like that.

Today in a group of people he said if I married you I would be flogging you in the house.

Interestingly enough I wasn't livid.

Just slightly amused because I'm never going to marry you what is the point.

And it dawned on me that I really really really might not get the range back.

Took a trip to clear my mind and now I'm even more lost with a shorter fuse than I can survive with.

But it means I'm not giving myself a headache over hypothetical situations that are never ever ever going to come to pass.

My favorite past time used to include doing that, building situational castles in the sky, but I learnt quickly that what you think is what you get so, I switched those thoughts up positive real quick.

And now life is good.

Sunday by the pool at Intercontinental with T,

T "So the boy from thursday"
Me: OMG he is 24444!
T: and?
Me: I don't know if sugar mummy is something I want to dabble in
T: He is going to be really smooth, if that he him at 24, his game is only going to get stronger
Me: Yeah definitely. but not for me
T: Gabrielle Union swears differently

*swats him*

My old friends have started throwing shade about T and I, which is really interesting because they couldn't be farther from what it is.

Same way my friend in Miami thought Yorubae was my boyfriend.

Interesting thing I've noticed is that everyone has started asking me if I am dating?
It's weird because I'm not.

Inappropriate boss was telling me today how he wishes he was 35 and could do life over again. Said he got jilted at 26 and carried it with him forever so he went on a sleeping around spree and then just couldn't stop and got married but still wishes he stopped to get to know people.

And it occurred to me that is why I was becoming celibate.

IssaRaunchySexRabbitLifestyle was becoming a tad too comfortable for me and not like it's a bad life (seeing as I enjoy(ed),- hopefully, it thoroughly), It always ends with people who aren't me getting hurt and that is not who I am ( okay maybe it is but I'm trying to be better).

And also because I was reading my journal and I remembered that someone told me that I break everything I come in contact with ( Fake news by the way, I'm a total healer).

I'm swearing off casual sex till I find the range to actually enter into a committed lets see what we are doing anyway type thing.

I also harbor this really strange fear where I'm not going to be able to pick someone because- who keeps bringing more I've had too many type thing.

And It's really strange because - How can I be afraid that I won't be able to chose someone, when I know a problem most people have is literally the opposite?

But you know what?

Problems are problems.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017


While I am totally thankful that I can afford to live the life I am living currently,

I absolutely hate the fact that I have choices to make and they are stressing me out.

1- To get a new passport OR to pay for 40 yoga classes at 40k. for 3 months which is honestly  A STEAL. ( i.e 1k a class in LEKKI, hello Unicorn?!)
I also need a new passport because

2- To invest some money or pay for my ikoyi club membership.

3- Find people to come to kajuru with my girls and I. Stress. esp as I do not know if I would be out of town for work.

Weirdly number 1 is the most stressful one for me because its such little money but because I run such a tight ship with my money I'm just like urgh. urgh. urgh.

List 24: List your quirks

Ah this.

I have like a really really really evil laugh. Think Cruella de-vil meets Ursula (Both Disney villains)

Like my real laugh not my I-think-you-are-cute-so-I'm-coy-and-giggling-laugh.

I snort when it's really really funny.

I complete people's sentences. ( However this is something I think I am trying to stop).

I'm likeable? Really likeable and very persuasive.

Monday, July 3, 2017

Banana fall on you

Last night something interesting happened.

A few things actually.

1- Someone stole our bottle of Hennessy at the club.

Lagos is too much for me.

2- I ran into someone who I hadn't seen in maybe 5 years and when he asked me if I was single, had a boyfriend seeing anyone, I casually said " Yeah I'm separated from my husband".

And he just said, lets have lunch some time, I let you get away before, I won't make that mistake again.


Ps: If you read this blog you know about the boy who wanted to take me to Paris for the weekend but I was in a "relationship". Yeah It's him, he moved back to Lagos last year.

3- I am actually really skinny now.  I saw a photo of myself on my friends snap chat and I'm like WHAT?

I'm so tiny. I need to eat like a goat abeg.

Friday, June 30, 2017

So. Cougar alert and other stories

Cougar alert.

Why did I go out with T last night and meet this 24 year old who wants to give me his heart?


I mean like he said to me while holding my hand clasped in both of his, " I like you, I like you a lot and I think I want to give my heart to you, but I want to be logical about it"

Me: Thank you ( I guess)

Me: I am also 32 so yeah

Him: I've always liked older women

Me: No you just like me. not older women.

Him: You are right, I like you.

Now this wont have been a problem at allllllllll except you know how I said he is 24, turns out he went to school ( like shared a room- went to school) with Eros's younger, younger younger brother.

So I mention that oh I happen to know his room mate and he says oh " That's strange, how come he never introduced me to you, I usually meet most of his friends"

" well, I won't say we were exactly friends"

" Were you people having sex"

" Oh God no, but the nature of our relationship doesn't matter now"

"Doesn't matter how?"

"Like it is irrelevant".

"Okay, I'm going to let it rest and we would come back to it".

We would?


So I mean this is getting major awkward because- wth?

And because really I'm the worst person to get tangled with right now, and because who the hell gets involved with someone 8 years younger- Actually the Macrons and WadeUnion begs to differ.

It just seems so interesting.

Also there is another very very very very interesting angle to this shit I can't blog about but trust me.

Someone would end up crying and it won't be me.

"Disclaimer received loud and clear"

My creative said, " I hate and envy how easy it is for you to get boys to like you".

me "It's my winning personality shining through".

Other stories.

I know someone who I used to be in a fitness group with. Won't say we are friends, we are cordial enough as you can be in a fitness group with over 30 women.
Group dissolves.

Last year, I move back home. raw as hell. and I start hearing from people that this "someone" has been asking everyone, why she is seeing me in traffic. since she knows I live in VI.

Not one person

Not two people.

And then those ones came to ask me if I was okay, which I was for the most part.

But it was the most intrusive thing ever because if you want to know so badly, why do you not ask me? why are you going around asking people who aren't me?

But okay no problem.

I told myself I would make sure this shit didn't make me hard, or bitter or spiteful towards anyone, So it didn't matter what I heard, or what XYZ said, I just told myself I won't be a bitch I would be gracious to everyone consistently irrespective of how I felt.

So I ignored this.

Today "Someone" messages me talking about I look so good
me: I KNOW. :)

Her: Please you seem to have the secret to this weight loss thing down. I just saw the photo you posted on IG. Tell me what you did.


So I'm thinking I'm not the only person you must know who has lost weight, people loose weight all the time. And you can come to me for information about this, but you "heard" *I* moved back home and you thought to ask *everyone* else but me who had the information about it.

But I said- I'm trying to remain soft but this whole thing is really pissing me off.

Sunday night I'm out, I run into one of Ero's friends who wants to talk to me.

Me: Okay, I'm listening

Then he goes off on a tangent about how he can not believe I let things get to this point and he is disappointed in me.

Me: You are disappointed in me?


So I just said okay nice chatting with you and entered my car.

I mean I could have read him and told him what he really wanted to hear but to what end?

I love Amebo as much as the next person but I guess this has really taught me to just be sensitive to the fact that the gist is actually someone else's reality and it wont hurt to measure your words before you open your mouth.

Ps: I have left said someone on read. for now. I'm probably going to answer her sha.
Because I'm a softie at heart.

Pss: I did take my 24 year old's number before he started declaring his serious like for me, but but I think it is best if I do not even use it, although I did say I will invite him to my next get away.

And my next get away finna be LITTY.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

List 23: List all the things that make you laugh

- Funny books

- Being Savage in traffic

- Having conversations over meals with my friends

-Random compliments

-The moment when people realize my actual greatness ( there is always that moment)

- Me being calm when everyone is going crazy.

- Me going crazy when everyone is being calm.

Honestly, everything just cracks me up. I'm one of those "Everything is a joke to you" people.

Friday, June 23, 2017



If this 6 month celibacy challenge is going to be the death of me.
Probably not
But knowing how these things work, Its going to be raining dick.
Always excited to try out how much self restraint plus my body really needs me celibate now


non stop to this and thinking should I try 3months instead? LOL JK

You should feel it, meet and greet it
I would be a genius if I didn't think with my penis


-About the madness this weekend is about to be.
A Madness.

- About the boy I met at my boy's house last night who looked at me and said, " You are interesting, but not interesting like I want to figure you out, because I think I might lose my mind, but interesting in like I want to draw from you.

I hear all sorts but you guys I was like 


No for real.
What is in this lagos water? I did not give him my number sha. No power.

-About how the reason I stopped snapchatting is going to be the same reason I stop using Instastories.

I mistakenly, And I say mistakenly- because I keep forgetting that because of my marital status a lot of things I do would be subject to all sorts of interpretation, but for real I'm just badly behaved, it's not personal. So I mistakenly  put up a photo while hanging out with my friend last night at his and he had a T shirt that said " Bad gang" and tagged it " With the boy".

Jamb Question galore.

-About how people who know me didn't even realize I never put up a photo of Eros. Ever
Speaking of Eros

-About how this would be the first time in a little under 10 years that I would not give him anything on his birthday.

Actually I'm a fucking liar, because I did consider sending him a cuban cigar.


C'est la vie.


For my favorite earrings

My mother was right, all those years of taking of jewelery and just dropping them everywhere, kitchen, bed, floor, bathroom sill was going to burn me when I got older.


How I almost died from embarrassment when I was looking for my Pandora.


For my body to heal it's self


-If Yoga on the beach on Sunday morning is doing the most.
-If " Enjoyment Enthusiast" is the wrong answer when people ask me what I do.

And if any of you were wondering, I am still reading Camino Island.

Monday, June 19, 2017

List 22: List all the favorite places you have been

At the top of this list is actually Beirut Lebanon.

Lebanon was perfect for all the reasons a vacation should be.

Sex ( I went with Eros), Food (Lebanese hospitality), Love ( I was there for was a wedding), Ocean swimming (even though I can't swim), Roof top parties( with the best live band) and watching the sun rise and set on the deck of a boat half naked.

I left a HUGE chunk of my heart in Lebanon and I'm hopeful I can go back (sometime this year) to get it or leave some more.

Art galleries and artist studios are another favorite of mine.
I like how clean and spare the spaces are. In a common case of juxtaposition I love how messy artist studios are. The spaces reek (metaphorically)  of grit, broken dreams and work but literally of paint and acetone and sometimes weed.

I like to think it reminds me of my life and what I portray.
Messy room, messy mind but well thought properly fitted out fits and coherent critical commentary.

Yes that is why art galleries & Artist Studios are my favorite places.

I haven't been, but I know that Riad's in Morrocco would easily feature on this list.




NON STOP BY THE WAY. ( as always)

I know you wanna see me
Nakey Nakey Naked.

When I'm with you all I get is Wild thoughts.
I hope you know I'm for the takin'?

Here for Rihanna giving us a summer anthem filled with thirst trap lyrics and Instagram captions for days.

And how did she morph into this sex siren?
I'm short of words, and I'm never short of words.


And It seems prettty good so far.

but this (which I found wayy more interesting)

James Comey writes so well. I would work for the FBI if it means I get to write that well.

For my favorite earrings. 
and because I'm not a child, I'm not messaging anyone to look for them.
When they are ready they would surface.


about my friends pretty perfect proposal (If I do say so myself) yesterday and the subsequent art gallery visit we made.

about my current manicure, got it done at a random saloon in Lagos Island and it works. It more than works. matches what I have on my leg finger ( Toes- if you do not have twitter)

ps: I love love love the Lagos art space, reminds me of all the good things I have planned out for my living space. White walls and spot lights.


-about forming a book club. I mean I always send out e-books
-of quitting alcohol. I have become quite light headed and  I get absolutely filthy when that liquor gets into me.

Plus I'm supposed to be healing and Lagos traffic stresses me too much.


Plans for the long weekend.


Hoping they don't see the moon or they see it on the wrong day and we get three days public holiday again this year.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017


One of the most interesting things I learnt about going on vacation to a city where you do not speak the language is how much you are forced to rely on energies/Vibes/Vibrations/Intuition ( whatever you want to call it) to decipher situations, sentiments and relationships.

Which makes me wonder before languages, how did we communicate.

I personally have really high energy levels, I am incredibly private but I love to help out people.
It's weird. You would come hang with me and the vibes would be so perfect. ( No horn tutting)

I am yet to find someone who matches my energy with the same intensity. It's awful I know, I also do not care because it is true. In many relationships I am in, I am consistently giving, this isn't a problem for me because plot twist- The more you give, the more you have. ( life principles  I guess)

Lately I have been struggling to give/do things that normally would not be an issue. Ah well.

Now Since I started leaning in and listening to the energies around me, I'm finding my range getting shorter. (I was supposed to find stillness) but now I do not really care what people say and or do.

I'm leaning more into how I feel around you.

And if the vibe does not edify myself. I'm out.

Because here is what I have learnt to be true: The energy you bring can never lie.
So you may be smiling at me and wanting to stab me guts out and because of what you are saying to me, your intent may be concealed but not any more.

This realization has me listening more.
I think it's something I want to do more off in the second half of the year.
Listen more.
Because I'm also learning that I can not learn when I'm talking.

Ps: I am looking serious for a solid solid solid Yoga situation space in Lagos, preferably in Ikoyi or VI.
And I mean Solid, I have attended a few classes and they fall so short they practically do not exist when compared to the one class I took at Viscaya in Miami.
I bought a freaking Yoga mat.
I might as well start doing self practice.

And I looking to going back to playing the Piano.
I happen to have enough time now, so why not?


I know I know
They are easy to put together.


Non stop to this song

Non freaking stop

Before we hit the road 
lets put our phones on silent
Nobody's tryna bring sand to the beach

Say what you will about Diplo and cultural appropriation and misappropriation but he is putting Naija music ( I know not African NAIJA) on the freaking world map.


A strong worded statement to defend Diplo's sexual prowess. 
I dunno who died and made Katy Perry Sasha Grey.


Third installment in the crazy rich Asians series 
and this book is ACE.
Killed it. I love reading about all the luxury I didn't even know


-My Pandora bracelet ( Yes I found it and it was not on anyone's bedstand- Thank you very much)
-So much pride at the fact that GSW won.
#DubsNation #ChefCurry #SweepGang
- Red nail polish and I know it is the wrong choice.


-about everything, which is really weird because what is exciting me?
-My body is making me so pleased. I have no idea why but I quite like what I look like when I wake up and I see myself naked.
- Also my mum's birthday is coming up. Prettttty Excited about that too
So pleased.


For cheap tickets for my Christmas vacation.
I know- Yen yen yen
I still need a vacation.

Monday, June 12, 2017

List 21: List the things that you want to make

Beautiful babies with Wes (aka Diplo).
ps: I have had celebrity crushes before but none of this level. It's equal parts annoying and amusing.

- Mix tape with Diplo
-Coffee table book with travel photos
- a Book ( that has actual words and not just photos)
- nail polish line

And because I am a Nigerian and ultimately a mummy's girl

- my mother happy/proud.

Wednesday, June 7, 2017


Crying at my office desk in joy about how perfect this woman's life is because of her precious/ positive attitude

If you have the time, watch this and see how amazing resilience is.


out cuban cigars and my co-workers can not believe I bought them.

I think my new co-workers think I do not like them much.


This is a rather interesting book


non stop to this.

I mean non stop

Súbeme la radio que esta es mi canción 
Siente el bajo que va subiendo 
Tráeme el alcohol que quita el dolor 
Hoy vamos a juntar la luna y el sol

And wondering if the rumors of Enrique being gay are still true because. *Insert cackle*


-Words that rhyme with Rain-drop for my instagram #WhileIWasAwayWednesday photos I'm about to bless my followers with.

- Translation of despacito in english  and sending out , hey what you doing after work texts.


If Justin beiber is old enough to be singing these lyrics, 
Because I know a few things he is old enough for.

why the hell haven't I started applying for jobs outside Nigeria?
preferably in spaces that have Spanish speaking men?

If I am as bad a person as everyone says I am ( probably yes but still wondering)

If everyone is also right about how I am not working in the right space. My friend T said He feel's


-out emails of one of my favorite books it's called " The lovers Dictionary" by David Levithan. 

Love and light and positive vibes to all my readers.


myself like I lost my keys, no really, my body is making me really happy. 
Not like it hasn't made me happy but I'm talking peak levels.
It's healing nicely and even my little jiggle belly is making me excited.


All my vacation photos are naked. and thus can not go on the gram. :(
LOL. JK. Instagram gon get all these shots.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Vacation tales

I am updating my travel journey on my travel blog soooooo if you are interested in what I look like
( which must mean you are a really poor stalker if you haven't hacked it by now)- You may want to look into that.

I mean I do not have photos yet but we are getting there.

So Part 1 of cuba is up on The travel blog

So go on, you know you wanna click on it and see how much fun I had in Cuba.

Pss: I really should have done a series on the men I met/spoke to in Havana.

Psss: Cuban men are soooo affectionate. I did not even realize how much I liked affection. LOL.

Like they would hold your hands to cross the tiniest gutter. Well they kept holding my hands and you guys know I do not wash my hands. ( I really should disgusting habit).

Pssss: Please stop sending me hints. I am AWFUL at deciphering this shit. AWFUL. Like half the time if I'm not coming on to you I have no idea you are angling for me.

Like you have a better chance of getting me in your bed if you open your mouth and tell me : "I am trying to get you in my bed", instead of a thousand and one baseless conversations that center around nothing.

I know. I know. But life is too short for empty chatter.

Monday, June 5, 2017

List 20: Things that make your spirit free

Boat rides


Completed Audited financial statements

Properly done gel manicures

Stage performances.


Runs that leave me winded.

Time lapse videos of planes taking off and landing

Lying in bed, half naked, reading  and drinking.

Witty conversations that never end.

Sunday, May 28, 2017


to touch base and let you all know that I am alive and fine just on vacation and enjoying the life of my head.

Also that I hate that maybe people are taking my graciousness for granted because I'm two seconds from reverting to a canine of female persuasion and relating with them in the manner suitable

Hope you are all well?

Tuesday, May 16, 2017


 NON STOP to this song.
Now I personally believe Mr Steal your girl/neighbors know my name
is all talk and no action
But this song.
This song is trying to make me lose my home training and just be badly behaved

we both know it's been too long
show me just how you feel 
before the song goes off.

about my vacation in T-X days
Because can not allow awon aiye to pull down the plane from the sky.

Spanish. But really only these words/ phrases
pero no hablo español
Mas Fuerte
Mas Rapido
Ay Si
Cuba Libre por favor
Magarita por favor

Virtual cookies and a real life cuban cigar for whoever can be bothered to pop the words into google translate and tell me what they mean.

Mentioning casually in passing
That I am going to Cuba on vacation along with Miami.

I know.
I've earned it please.

About the time when my finances will be a realistic reflection of the lifestyle my vacation photos are going to portray abeg.
Because Slightly broke, but still stunting on these hoes, but broke and on a budget and still flexing but sort of broke.


with the madness my body is doing right now.
No Jokes. spent almost 20 mins in the bathroom checking myself out.
My body is Body goals right about now.
My girl saw me in the bathroom and was like " Nah I'm jealous"
Can not wait to put it in a bikini and give them drake lyrics as captions.


-getting a professional photographer travel buddy?
- taking out these faux single strip lashes I installed that make me look like a baby dragon and won't let me wear sunglasses. They are THAT long. (but everyone at work seems to like them so)
- getting a brazilian before I leave
- if I have over packed for this trip?
-if I should go to Disney world, but memorial day weekend.
- if taking sand to the beach is a good idea. (It isn't)

Get to know me tag

I actually enjoy doing these things.

Ps: Re last post I spoke to my creative and we agreed I might be in a phase that is making my energy weird and he hopes I get out soon.
(me too)

1. Are you named after anyone?
No. But my mum wanted a boy and got a girl so I got named "Oreoluwa" which means Gift of God?, But please don't call me gift ever. Thanks

2. When was the last time you cried?
Hmnnn. I try to schedule in crying time weekly but I do not think I have cried in a while.
I enjoy a really good cry so.

3.Do you have kids?
Funny story
I was a prayer meeting and got into a coughing fit that left phlegm in my throat, so I ran to the bathroom to spit it out and then a lady there looked at me so kindly and said- Pele, morning sickness abi?
Me: God I hope not. Just a cough and cold please.

4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?

Welllllll. I'm a good person deep down inside so if the other person walks around with a shovel, we would be really good friends.

5. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
You think?
I'm pretty fluent in sarcasm and I'm witty too.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?
Nails. grooming basically.
Nothing more uncivilized than dirty nails and arm pit hair ( Yes men that includes you).
Lets invest in mani's and pedi's please.

LOL, I ran into someone and when I met him up sometime later, he said
" I just want you to know that I appreciate the fact that your nails and toes are always so perfectly done"

7. What is your eye color?
Brown/ Black

8. Scary movie or happy endings?
Happy abeg. Real life is scary enough, give me all the faux happiness Hollywood is selling.

9. Do you have any special talents?

Honestly. I have lots but I think at the top would be that people like me/ I have the ability to draw people to me/ infiltrate their lives.
Also I'm sweet as fuck.

10. Do you have any pets?

LOL. I'm still trying to like people, you now want to add animals.
Issa no please. No pets not now, not ever.

11. What do you want to be when you grow up?
An american citizen. These visa applications are stressful AF.
And maybe maybe maybe an OAP? I really want a radio show but I sound like shakira swallowed a frog. and I laugh like cruella de-ville and ursla wrapped in one.

12. Who was your first best friend?
I'm just gonna say Jesus.

13. How tall are you?

6ft tall.
But I've had shorter men tell me, everyone is the same height lying down.
Ps: It's not true.

14. How many countries have you visited?

Ayeeee: US. UK. Spain. Italy. France. Greece. South Africa. Ghana. Togo. The Gambia. Benin Republic. Lebanon. UAE. Ethiopia. Turkey.

Pss: I'm adding a new country to this list in T-X days. I am DYING OF EXCITEMENT.
Psss: You want to find my instagram for this for real.

15. What was your favorite/worst subject in High School?
Fave: Tie between Further maths and accounting. Further maths was challenging. Accounting was super easy.

Worst: Yoruba. because Lazy.

16. What is your favorite perfume?

I would say Chance Chanel.
But I currently really like Armani Si. So much I am using a dupe.

17.What would you name your children?

Moscato. Rossato. Rissato. and all the other variations.
LOL. I haven't given this any thought at all because I do not know that children are in the works for me tbh ( I only make plans for things that are on the horizon)
But if I decide to have children I would have the father of the children name them, I am really indecisive.

18. What sports do you play/have you played?

I currently box as training.
Another funny story.
At training this weekend, I met the Ex president of the Nigerian Sports Association, we got talking and he seemed so mad I had no plans to go pro.
He then went ahead to tell me how with my body frame there are other sports I would excel at. I'm like cool cool.
He went ahead to berate my coach for training me if I have no plans to go pro.
Ps: I am the LAZIEST. lazy. person my coach probably trains. so.

19. What phone do you currently use?
The Iphone 6.
But I want the Iphone 7 plus because the camera on that phone ISSA MADNESS.

Funfact: I've never bought myself an apple product ever but I own, an iPod, an iPhone and an iPad.
what? People like giving me things.

20. Tell us one of your bad habits!

All my habits are good.

Maybe I pick my nose?
but currently my nails are so short I need a shovel to pick my nose so.

I also need to be more forgiving?

I also do not make beds. or cook. (Except it's jollof rice for Diplo).

I really enjoy doing these things.
Ps: I have lashes installed for the first time and OMG, can someone say uncomfortable?

Monday, May 15, 2017

List 19: People who you want to most be like

People who own American/Swiss/German Passports

People who have found their lives purpose

People who can keep to time

People who make chocolate cake from lemons life dealt them and leave observers confused.

People whose purpose include being half naked on a beach/spa half the year.

People who have picked the right struggle and are reaping.

People who create

People who use their gifts/Talents and not bury them

People who pick up the phone and say " You have 5 minutes, please make this quick" ( I think that is me but okay)

People who do not tell lies

People who do not shy away from difficult conversations with their shiny new creatives.

People who can wink

People who can lift an eyebrow and smirk at the same time

People who are committed to whatever they decide to do.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

So Gracious.

Keeping in theme with Banky and Susu

I got married to a wilding and now my life is wild thing.

Someone slid into my Dm's talking about how he feels my life is pretty eventful and I was like nah, its pretty tame. 
I lied.
It's wild.

Yesterdayyyyy I had the most interesting meeting.

So Eros's girlfriend ( she says ex but you know how these things are) reached out to me to have a meeting*.

And it was interesting to see how even after we are not together I am some how still saddled with the task of making his life easier. Like you are not even honest with your new girl and she has to come to me?  

Because when we were done chatting, she said you know this is the most clarity I've gotten of the situation, he just wasn't telling me anything and I didn't know what to believe.

Me: Insert upside down emoticon.

Ps: She is the most delightful person and under different circumstances we might have been actual friends? 

Pss: On the upside, check me out guys. So gracious about the whole thing. I'm even surprised myself.

No really not to toot my own horn but she said " I was scared to order a drink because I felt you might throw my drink in my face".

Me: Oh?

Y'all think I'm wild like that?


* I had no idea who she was when I accepted to meet with her.

Psss: Life comes at you soooo fast. If someone asked me to write out what my life would look like when I was 18 10 years from now, I would never have envisioned that it would include pacifying my ex husbands ex girlfriend at a restaurant in Lagos at 2pm on a sunny Tuesday over water and lime ( Because air and water diet).

But as I said, life comes at you fassssst. :)

Monday, May 8, 2017


If we are in an altercation and you call me a prostitute I'm just gonna not be mad at you because you are blind and you have something else on your mind.


Because if I was a prostitute my life would be so far removed from you. I will use my ashawo money to insulate myself from mad people who go around calling people prostitutes.

So yeah once you call me a prostititue I know you do not know me, and you do not rate me as well because if you rated me you would know I won't be ashawo-ing in my little Hyundai.

Matharoo sisters will be learning from me.

True story.

So If you watched the insta story and you are wondering why I'm so chill.

It's that I'm day dreaming of what I will use my ashawo money to do.


Sunday, May 7, 2017

List 18: List the things that motivate you


When it comes to work ethic: I'd say my mum motivates me so much, everytime I speak to people that know her or have met her or have had cause to interact with her and the find out I am her daughter and we are in the same career space it's just always good things.

First shock, your mum let you come out? she is really strict you know?
Me: LOL only to her employers.
But yeah career wise my momma is my motivation. Now if only she would let me work with her

When it comes to following my dreams: Paulo Cohelo. (self explanatory) but I will explain. I read the alchemist and it changed my life.
It's so frighteningly simple it makes no sense yet makes all the sense.

And when it comes to looking like a damn spice: Agbani Darego ( LOVE HER BODY). she is stunning and her body could really be mine if only I took out time to steady my hands and face this gym life.

Friendships: I think I don't do friendships as well as I would like to because I chase after people and immerse myself in their lives and then I get mad when they refuse to do shit like sit shiva with me when shit happens, but they have never had to be on the other side. So it may be a huge adjustment for them.
For friendships it's Job's three friends in the bible who came to see him and when they saw him they sat with him in silence for 7 days and only spoke when he (job) spoke.
I want to listen more and try to stop fixing. Just basically listen more and just shut the fuck up.

On life issues: I'm torn between Yoruba adages and the bible. I do not really identify as Yoruba but I live for the adages. One of my favorite is " When your yam is done, cover it with your hand so that awon aiye will not come and take it" it however is hugely conflicted by " the Lord will prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies".

But I'm leaning towards the table and enemies.

Friday, May 5, 2017

Random update

I should be updating about my calabar trip but yah all I've done is tweet and download spanish trap music.

Yes Spanish trap music.


One of my holiday cities they speak only spanish so I need to even know the sort of music they listen to.

And let me tell you. Spanish Trap music is sexy AF and littyyyy.

I'm worried I'm not getting enough sleep along with the fact that *never mind what the fact is*.

I still can not find my pandora bracelet.

And I may just be starting to freak out.

I met someone who thought I was Lagos royalty??

I'm like what?

When I told him I was angling towards Swirling he said well you can look into English royalty, I can see you being a right fit.

Me: You people rate me so highly.

I cut my nails and they started chipping.

Short nails are not really for me tbh.

Today I dressed very down to work; and I tweeted how if I do not get queried I would take the job very seriously.

Tonight is going to be a movieeeee and I'm sort of equal parts excited and nervous. This is one of the first nights that I have actively made plans since I moved back home.

So again.

Equal parts nervous and excited.

Song for the weekend: I'm the one.
Because here for Quavo's adlibs/ Skrr.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

I am currently


Non stop to "My love"- Wale, Major Lazer, Wizkid & Dua Lipa.

And I can be your last,
leave your past with your first.
As I said NON STOP.

As a self proclaimed Diplo fan girl, once I saw that there was a major lazer track on the album I knew I had to get on it. I love the album (It's called Shine, if you are living under a rock) and my favorites include: My love. Running back. Columbia Heights. Fine girl  and MY PYT. 


The mothers.

Best book really, I actually did 45 minutes on the treadmill and didn't die because I was reading this book. It's such a good book. It's about a girl who the pastor's son get's pregnant and then she has an abortion and leaves the city in the usual manner of life, the boy marries her best friend and that one has issues getting pregnant and finds out her two fave people are having an affair and wahala.

It's a well written book and shows how gossip erodes life.


No alcohol as I am currently on an intense air & water diet in a bid to get my body right for my vacation. Along with the alcohol ban :

Here for that photoshop looking skin ; getting my tummy on flat flat and pussy on agua.
Other non scale victories and health benefits are welcome.
I'm just doing this to look absolutely stunning naked and to slay my vacation photos.


-For my pandora bracelet.
Eros gave me. and every time I went on vacation after that I bought a charm for it at the airport, so saying its sentimental is not even scratching the surface.
Last time I saw it was 2 weeks ago so early days yet but slightly panicking because I swear I left it on a bed stand in someone's house and when I asked the person turns out he does not have a bed stand.

When I told my friend this story, she said and I quote " Maybe it is time to return santa's  hoe' HO'S.

- Forward to my vacation in a few days. ( dying of excitement but can not tell you guys the exact date because awon aiye).

-Back at the delicious weekend I had, I had a huge adulting moment where I couldn't afford to go see ASA, because I had so many other things to do with money coupled with the fact that I had just returned from my weekend of debauchery in Calabar and that cost a pretty penny as well as some other obligations that did not crystalize on time and a spontaneous purchase of a John Madu piece.

The piece sparked a lot of joy in my heart and calabar was so so beautiful (although I would not be doing anything wedding related asides attending as I do not have the emotional range for weddings).


Why the hell my nails are breaking so badly?
If I am actually as flirtatious as people say I am?
Why my data keeps finishing so quickly?
Whether I should port to Globacom?
If Goddess locs would suit me?
Where I can find a bottle of Gallo's White Grenache before friday?
If this white meat diet I'm about to proceed one is going to piss everyone off as much as I think it will?
Why awon aiye followed me from Snapchat to insta stories?
If I going to be stupid proud when my body morphs into it's final form? ( not really Probably yes)
Why no one understands when I say "I do not have the range"?
How long till T cracks.

Speaking of T. He actually moved back home. equal parts proud and nervous for him.
We had dinner on sunday and it was an actual vibe. 
I am thankful for the men in my life who always always always go out of their way to make sure I'm happy comfortable and give me all the most delicious compliments.

Wishing all of us a delicious weekend.
Yes I know it's Wednesday but yasss. to the weekend anyway.

List 17: List the difficult moments in your past that have shaped you for the better

I do not want to talk about this because I do not know the better (well I am still waiting for the better shaping)  in the most difficult moments I have experienced.

Monday, April 24, 2017


You drive I'm assuming?

Your assumptions are correct, do you need me to pick you up?

No, but thank you.

You are welcome.


Apparently, when asked if you drive, asking the asker if he needs to be picked up is not the appropriate response.

But I'm nothing if not a fast learner so.

Pss: Apparently I may be badly behaved

Sassy:  You have started acting like a Yoruba boy, what do you mean on a need to know basis?

me: exactly what that means. *shrug*

List 16: List your essentials

My essentials ( For travelling/riding around lagos/Just generally being) include

All my apple products: Ipod, Ipad and Iphone

My power bank

My bluetooth speakers

My passport and Yellow card

My black journal

My purple prayer journal

Mayyyybbeeeee my back up to my back up to my back up rabbit.

Wine glasses

My tokens

My coloring book

My car

Atm cards

And before anyone starts crying about how bible is not there goggle "You Version"
You are welcome.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Grown,Sexy and Adulting

I feel like I have grown so much in the last few months.

It is almost like never mind what it is like. but It is something I am so so so pleased about.

My girl passed her exams. And I'm just like girl I already told you I made a list and everything on that list is getting ticked off.

We ended up at latarvena with pitchers of Sangria and Pizza and Pasta and Asa.

Yes Asa, THE ASA.

It was such a precious evening. Why do people say things like you can't make friends in old age.

Yes your old friends know you. Love you and take your excesses. because lets face it its not after 15 years of my tardiness you want to start crying.

Anyway thankful for new friends that fall in line ( Yes my shiny creative that includes you).

Sexy. Jesus. I think

I'm not sure but I think my pheromones are working over time.

Either that or someone has put a " Fuck me"  sign board on my back and I can't seem to shake it.

It is literally raining men in my life.

For example, there is a trainer in my office from out of town who leaves today, so generally making conversation, I'm like oh why do you people never stay over the weekend to experience the city.

Him: so you would take me out.

Me: Yeah the office has a corporate card so shouldn't be a problem.

Him: I know girls like you

Me: Huh?

Him: I know myself and I can see a bit of myself in you.

Me: Oh. *mutters* Thats what he said. But I really said - is that so?

Him: Sounds awkward but we would be bad together is what I mean.

Me: Urm. okay I'm just going to get back to my desk because yeah.

My friend said I'm an expert placement strategist but that isn't true.
 I think men just like me and I smile.

And Adulting- Can someone just come and give me $10,000 just because I'm cute?

And I have developed a freaking expensive habit of buying art?

Yall know I like to buy things generally not news. But art is expensive AF.

Like I haven't even considered the garri I'm going to be drinking.

Plus it is actually the worst time because I'm going on holiday next monthhhh.

But now hayyyyy.

Pretty please?

Someone give me the $10k?

Wednesday, April 19, 2017


I love this song.

and now I love the video even more.

Basically stop texting when you go out AH. LOL

Never going to not not hit that
Your loving is drugs to me
And everytime you hit my phone
saying you need company


Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Enjoyment as a murder weapon: An advanced study of how Ore spent her Easter weekend

Posit: Can enjoyment kill you?

Data Analysis and Findings
One is broken so badly you know mercury has to be in retrograde.

Also broke over the weekend.

Full and overflowing with love and happiness

Camera Roll
Instagram is going to get these Swipe posts like they are going out of fashion

So what did I get up to?
Actually the question should be what didn't I get up to.

Good Friday saw me at a burial, my aunt lost her mum and trusssssst Yoruba people to do the most and try to kill me with enjoyment. We finished from there and we moved to her house because her husband is from Delta and had to do an appreciation reception thing. ( so if you caught snippets of this on my insta stories that's what it was)

On Saturday morning I woke up unusually early and went to the stadium for a boxing session. I legit almost died. I have to do 10 incline runs and if anyone knows me in real life you'd know I'm not the one, especially on the Saturday after not working out for over 40 days.

Picked up the tickets for Gidifest courtesy AfricaMagic, I genuinely love Instagram give-aways.

Because Mercury is in retrograde, I sent my car to my mechanic to fix my lights and came back with the worst jerking I have experienced and my oil light on. Urm.

Anyway I went to another mechanic who sorted it out so I got a cab back home and slept. Eventually car came back and I got ready to hit the streets.

Got in at say past 9 ish but the love of my life ( Diplo) was headlining the show so I waited in the rain through to 3am when he came on.
 And he was amazingggggggggggg. Walshy fire came as well.

Ps: Walshy if you read this- you need to make sure your tonight mix is straight fire.

This is the part where I actually post photos but abeg.

Just take my word for it. Ain't no party like a Lagos party.

Side bar: Diplo is so fucking hot. I was so so close to actually licking his face in the elevator, but I settled for a video for my insta stories.

But I still tweeted at him offering him breakfast.

Sunday I woke up with the most delicious bout of menstrual cramps- Yes my diet has been shit but e no reach that side.

Sha woke up and faced all my events that sunday which included my friends baby dedication which was really precious,  then went to help my friend Ms beefab at her stall, went to dinner with my friends to celebrate the Man-U win and ended up at some random games night thingy.

Ps: I am so competitive. Gosh. not a bad thing , just saying.

Monday I go to the beach with my friend,s have such an amazing time and I head back home to shower get dressed and attend the after party for Gidifest.

Two things happened- Made a Vanilla Oreo Swirl with Diplo and the second thing does not concern anyone that was not there.


I wake up at 8am and I'm late to work, but what is new?

 Issa No, enjoyment can infact not kill you because why the hell am I still at work?                    

Ore 100- 0 Enjoyment

If you think I'm playing ask Diplo.

Soundcloud playlist for how this weekend really went.

Ps: Major Lazer has some FIRE mixes of Nigerian songs. My lord. Fire. I. Can.Not. Wait.

T & E

Me: I do not know maybe I will go out on friday E:    Well its election saturday Me: Even better let me go and find whose house I will spe...