Monday, November 13, 2017

Reckless

Went to my friend's brother's wedding on Saturday evening.

No biggie, I'm settling into my seat but then my friend starts to introduce me to everyone else on the table.

First she introduces me to the man to my right- it's her boyfriends friend. I say hey.

Then she introduces me to a girl. who I know, so when she says this is Chioma, I say oh we know each other.

but Chioma tried it. She wanted to be a Lagos girl, so she squinted and said "I don't know you"

And I tell her " Your friend used to fuck my ex husband".

And all of a sudden she knew me.
She spent all night trying to explain away her non involvement in the situation.

Me: I don't care, I'm not judging you. Or her. It is what it is.


Lagos people if we know each other- Stop pretending.
I've stopped.
I'm saying hey. you better say hey back.

Also she is such a Lagos girl she cracked,
if the roles were reversed I'd pretend even harder about not knowing me.

Monday, November 6, 2017

25 and Party

You know the best part of birthday's?

It's a low hanging fruit regarding reconciliation for all the people I have stopped talking to.

and when I say low hanging I mean that's probably the easiest way to get back in my good graces.

So as you can imagine I had a few stragglers from my past.

Some stupid. some more stupid. but come they did.

And I'm not mad at that.

I had a party for my birthday on Saturday.

I used to host so much when I lived at home before Eros.

And even when I got married and moved in, I hosted everything.

Surprise parties at Oriental presidential suites for Eros, to surprise  house parties for his brother. To planned birthday parties for his friend that lived with us at the time, to whatsapp groups for surprise showers to surprise birthday parties. Sha sha I was the plug for party-ing.

I love party planning. but in the last year I hadn't planned any parties.
And I told myself that I was going to spend the year going back and doing the things I enjoyed and so I decided to have a party.

And it was more expensive than I anticipated and my last guests left at 2am but my heart is full.

And I'm glad I decided to have the party.

turns out lots of people thought I was 25 because I told them I was 25, it's going to be a funny time when I turn 30 next year.

My skin is clear because I am celibate.
Well maybe not because that exactly but since I left men alone, I haven't had any pimples and my body has been working really well so I know for a fact that it must be the man fast I went on that is doing the lords good work.

Dinner with T tonight for restaurant week.
I'm just glad I have men who aren't trying to fuck me but are happy to feed me.
Small mercies.



List 38: list the ways you can love yourself more

Start playing the piano
Take up squash properly ( the sport) or any sport really
Wake up earlier
Say no to people more
Not take myself too seriously
Quit alcohol for real
Find something valuable to build.
Enjoy life to the fullest.

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Me and T conversations

Me: I was so tired, I considered turning off my phone and pretending to be asleep
T: wow how are you even think that- at this point you are better off sucking it up
Me: I did. Meh
T: ah last week this boy was all up on your IG and this week see how you are talking
Me: One minute you are cock of the walk next minute you are the feather duster
T: Indeed.


Monday, October 30, 2017

The weekend and first date and the birthday count down.

My birthday is in T-3 days
You all know how exciting birthdays generally are, but I am amped up.
Decided to just ask everyone to donate money to  #TheBriconFoundation instead of stressing with presents that I will use small and then dash out or something.

I've never really been big on visiting oprhanages and doing the photo ops- even though I think they are a great idea, never really been my style. So I'm really excited that I get to work with breast cancer survivors.

what- I'm a boob girl through and true.

Party talk aside.

I went on a date this weekend.
because I don't go on a lot of these things I'm generally torn with what is appropriate and what is just down right stupid.

ps: Date told me I smiled alot but came across as cold, and when I asked him what I could do to be warmer he said nothing.
I will not be speaking to him again, because abeg no power.
Also I spent maybe 15 of the date texting my home girls about how much I missed the boy I liked but I do not speak to anymore.

It was a good date though. Music. Abuja nights. Wine and no one trying to grope me.

This weekend was BUSY.

Friday I went to Ijebu for my friends grandma's burial.
Saturday saw me on the first flight out of Lagos to Abuja for my friend M's wedding.
ps: I really like Abuja sha.

The wedding was really really good except I got there at the tail end, but got to spend time with the bride. She looked radiantly gorgeously stunning.

M- you make a beautiful bride and I wish you and Y- all the happiness in the whole wide world.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

List 37: List what you would spend a million dollars on, just for you.

1- Bitcoin
2-treasury bills
2.b- Fund a Nigerian start up that deals with waste management on beaches.
3- the two pent houses  here
4- Round trip to Asia for a month
5- Yacht week for italy -ALONE.
6- Trip to ice-land with my momma.
7- Paris for the weekend
8- Maybe a one bedroom apartment at eko atlantic. I mean we all know that water is going to still carry it away last last


Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Why does it feel like

Everyone is trying me today?

One girl who entered my dm's last year thinking I was fucking the boy who was talking to her who is my friend Dm'ed me today about a book.

Like bitch?
Do I look like Santa?

Then I have noticed another one's wife LOL-ing my tweets indiscriminately.
This crazy

Then the icing on the cake is my whatsapp group from my vacation- Yeah that one/

Someone posted a group photo and cropped me out.

Bumped into him at Yoga on Saturday and you can be sure I asked him what that was about.

He said, " It was nothing personal"
me:...
Him: " No it just looked better with you cropped out- the aesthetic."

And I thought to myself that this fucking wanker who opposed every single group photo suggestion
talking about- He only wears shorts and he doesn't mind not being in the photos- thought the aesthetic of a photo would be better on Instagram- which by the way lets you zoom in so you can post all the wide angle lens photos you want- with me cropped out.

Mind you said photo was taken on my iphone.

Anyway I'm good with it. I mean its your Instagram and whoever we want to post on our page is our perogative.

Fastforward to this afternoon- He says oh he is writing about the trip and wants to  crave our indulgence to use our photos-

you can be sure I replied- Crop me out please.

So someone else in the group is like I think the group damages my reputation and they are not good enough to be seen with me- I neither confirm nor deny because you know it's not a thing

But I message the someone on the side and tell him what happens.
and he is like wow.
but continues talking about how I'm too good for them in the group.
Me: Leaves group *deletes group*

Now this is the real trying- WHY. THE. FUCK. ARE. PEOPLE. ASKING.ME.WHY.I.LEFT.THE.GROUP?



Look- I'm not even angry just carry your teasing and be going. Thanks.

Like I'm at a point where nothing is going to stress me out.

Asides this ovulation that has my boobs acting up.
but I'm ready for it.
READY.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Birthday Wishlist

Everyone has been asking me what I want for my birthday.

well for the first time in a long time I'm having a party at home.

I love hosting- seemed like a good idea.

Without much ado let me tell you people what I really want.


A new car battery and a spare tyre.

I use a 12v 75amp battery and I think a size 15 rim tyre.


I don't want none of that N25k floral arrangement thingy.


But I think I want ballons sha. helium preferably.


A N20k voucher for my nail guy would be very welcome


N100k voucher for my fashion designer girl would be also very welcome.


Okay maybe N50k.


All expense paid vacation to Asia? or Italy in summer?

The actual physical copy of the new boyzIImen "under the streetlight" cd.

And three months of Yoga at my Studio. I think it's 40k.

There we have it.




Thursday, October 19, 2017

Sugarcane Baby.

I had been deliberating inviting my sugar baby to my birthday party.

And like clock work he messaged me,

so I call him and we go and have lunch- he isn't too impressed.

But he showed up in the shortest shorts and ashiest hands.

And I'm like you are so irresponsible.

It was such a good time, I think I am beginning to understand older men with younger girlfriends.

The cruise is sweet die.

Anyway I did invite him and asked him to invite someone else so he won't be alone and he responded, well I guess this means our relationship now has to move to the next level.

I'm like stuttering and he says- wait, you are one of those people that the word relationships fluster?

Me; lol, No. we are friends.

And he says if I'm come, you have to introduce and invite  me as your sugar baby none of that friend shit.

Me: well your ass is uninvited.

Everyone says I'm a smart ass.
I hung out with Faux T last night and we were talking about how he feel's used by the women in his life for just sex. I'm like I'm sorry what else are you good for? and I start laughing

I'm meeting more men who are ready to settle down tired of playing around and just want to find one person. I want to feel sorry for them but at the same time, I'm like buahahahahahahaha.

It's good to always listen to advice that people give you.
I went ahead and was reckless and now I think that maybe I might have ruined what may have been a very wonderful wonderful wonderful friendship.

Offcourse if I was a sensible person I might still back track and be like - kiss and make up
but because I just realised I am truly a badly behaved sweet girl.
I think I'm sitting this one out.


Can't believe I'm even delibrating this shit.

My friend sent me a message about how she is serious about me " not becoming a Yoruba boy"

As if. That is even possible.


Monday, October 16, 2017

Friday, October 13, 2017

List 35:List all the obstacles that stand in the way of facing your dreams

1. Lagos
2. Nigerian Passport
3. Eating Rice
4. And indomie
5. My inability to find a job that fulfils me
6.The craziness of Nigeria, I really want to teach and do something back end for the kids.


In case you can't tell, my dream is to become a super model living in asia and teaching children English in my spare time.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Him: You know everyone said you are trouble?


Me: Everyone can't be wrong. And yet, here you are.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Discovery

Recent discovery about myself.

I don't talk out issues.

If you upset me I either rationalize it for you OR stop speaking to you.

And because of how open I am, and how immersed I am in the lives of the people who can upset me,

me stopping is a bit of a shock.

But at this point I can't really be bothered sha.

I'm just like cool.

In as much as I really want to be the person who talks things over.

I'm not too keen on wasting words on people.

And because I can be badly behaved, I know that people know that they are being badly behaved.

I had one of my home girls point this out to me and I'm like

You are right.

Call me Edward Scissors hands.

Actually don't.


Monday, October 9, 2017

Update

I had an interesting weekend.

It started off on friday with me visiting my tailor's studio in Magodo.

Yes I know it is at the end of the world but beautiful clothes must be made, worn and slayed in.

Plus I am really against that aso-ebi culture of having a dress being the exact same one someone else has on at an event.

Yeah call me a DIVA I'm leaning into that anyways.

So fast forward into the day I stop at my uncle's house for a pick up that turns into a crying fest for me ( not unusual), and then a conversation about education in Nigeria- Nigerians outside Nigeria ALWAYS seem to know the solutions to all the problems we have. I guess when you don't have to deal with the daily Naija problems you can see clearly enough to solve the bigger ones. meh

He also supports donald trump. But I'm not surprised, he has never really been a kind person. And I would know, his wife is my aunt.

Came to work and got a message from my lawyer that totally demoralized me.
Called Itunu to go and clarify and turns out my lawyer might be right.
Also I was warned not to tell lies.

I do not lie as often as I used to, infact as much as I can I have consciously decided to stop telling lies. It's not as difficult as people imagine.

Anyway
I meet up with Debo at twenty five and drink star and sprite. Also the moon was really pretty.

Checked my emails and I got a message from the boy I liked and is now meh- more on this later.
I reply the email.
I'm slightly irritated but I reply it as cordially as I can.

I get home and my mother is sulking, my sister is in the house and it is also her wedding anniversary.
She tells me how she has dreamt that I will get married soon.

Fewer things rub me the wrong way than my sister and this God told me about your marriage talk.
Now I know she means well but to be honest- I wish she would really just leave me alone because it is really irritating and grinds my gears especially since I am not the type to tell people how God will do their own when they congratulate me on anything. It reeks of faux modesty. Take your thank you and go please.

Saturday my lawyer sends me another message that just has me dissolving into a pool of tears, My mother sees me and suggests I start working for God.
LOL.
She prays with me and then tells me to make sure I show up at the wedding today, also to look Ghen Ghen.

her "best friend" step son is getting married.

She even had professional make up artist come to the house and get her dolled up. ME: okay o.

She looked super cute too.

I call Eneni and cry some more she tells me to take sometime to wallow then shower and go about my day.

I get a message from the boy who I used to really like.
And that puts me over the edge.
Like in that moment I know that this ship has sailed and is never coming back again.
I do not reply it.
I have never felt so insulted in my whole entire life.
And maybe at that moment I was not too pleased with how my life was looking.
and most likely  his treatment is collateral damage.


I go to the wedding looking like a Spice. my mother's best friend is so excited she starts telling everyone I'm her niece. She also mentions to me that she was the one that introduced the bride and the  groom. She said it maybe 500 times and I was reminded why I never picked her calls all the times she called me.

Maybe she has a nephew waiting for me somewhere and she really believes her match making game is on 100. either way I'm not interested.
The wedding is fun. I run into her 22 year old son who is definitely extra excited to see me and wants us to sit down and gist but is unfortunately leaving town tomorrow. would I be at the party at his parent's house?

I know I'm veering dangerously into cougar territory but he is a really sweet kid. I remember him from sunday school.

I say maybe, depends on how I'm feeling. we chat for a bit and I leave.

I call the boy to drop off what he had asked me to buy him and he text's me that he will call me shortly.
He does not call me shortly. So I send him a message about where would be good to meet him and drop it off.

Sunday morning

He sends me a message about how he fell asleep.

I call him and I am frosty AF. he can't understand it. I'm uninterested in explaining it.
And I actually still can't understand it.
He is apologetic and insists its a slight jab. He is sorry. He misses me. I've been back for a week and I haven't even tried to see him. But I am posting photo's on instagram ( that one made me LOL). but not thaw. just laugh. I'm clearly having a better life since after Rwanda and I have dumped him. ( I neither confirm nor deny)

And it is at that point I realize that this chapter is really over. hashtag bittersweet


we make plans to meet up later in the day we both have commitments.
I have that party which my mum insists I attend and he has some work meetings and some stuff.
I say I will call you once I'm done.

I call T and ask if he wants to pop in for the party, he says sure around six ish. T has been in lagos too long he has finally understood that whatever you arrive at an event is the time you are supposed to be at the event, you can only be late for Visa appointment or International flights.

The party was basically a boozy brunch. Drank so much champagne ate Amala and something continental sat next to my mum's best friends 22 year old son and just had conversation.

Half way through something I was telling him he cuts me short and asks me, " what are you passionate about"

Me: Enjoyment.

Him: I respect the honest and simplicity of the answer.

What I do not tell him is that the cookie was crumbling in a way I did not anticipate and I might not be able to enjoy for much longer.

Me: Smile

Him: So how does that feed into your career?

Me: My dream job will be to be paid to travel and curate experiences and write about these in Magazines like GQ. Vogue.

Him: You are a model?

Me: LOL noooooo

HIm: so what are the magazines about

Me: I was saying it would be ideal to be a travel correspondent.
Him: Oh I zoned out.
Me: That's okay.

He leaves to do some home work I settle in to drinking and talking to lots of people and just generally having a good time.
Eventually everyone leaves except me so I settle in to finish reading "Fools die by Mario Puzo" and wait for T and his little brother.

He returns to say good bye properly, we do a bit more catching up, we drink champagne  ( and I actually tell him you have to tilt the glass to avoid the bubbles) he laughs at the discovery and he has to leave, flight to catch.


T eventually shows up, we eat and go see the parents of the groom. and get a tongue lashing about how lazy our generation is.
The boys are laughing I'm not. I tell them we got handed a failed state and I'm not going to sit down while the people that scattered it complain that we like enjoyment too much.

The Grooms father was distraught at the amount of champagne that was drunk at the wedding.
These boys only drink Champagne and Hennessy he lamented.

Me: wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Him: don't get me started the girls are equally as bad. they are singing all the Single ladies and they are all filing out I wanted to flog all of them.

Me: ah ahhhhhh.

Him: no o I hear all the things my sons tell me and he says the girls are too wicked.
Me: Everybody is wicked it is Nigeria that is making all of us wicked.

He talks a bit about how there is no moral fabric and how we worship money and how all the money he had he spent on educating his children and while they are doing good they really arent where he thought they will be.

Me in my mind: welcome to the expectations are cut short center called Nigeria.


We round off with an invitation for me to come and spend the weekend which I smile and say I will try to find sometime to pop in and then I head home.

I call the boy, he calls me back and we arrange a rendezvous in VI. I hand him his parcel and he says wow, all this attitude.

Me; LOL.

I get home to a very specific apologetic text that I don't reply. I hope he understands that this was collateral damage, because till now I don't even know why I'm this upset.
That ship has really sailed.
plus I need all the strength I have for the next 12 months so.





If there is anything this weekend showed me / told me/ taught me is that they don't serve champagne at pity parties so there is no point hosting them in my head and attending them in my life.


Here to a Monday full of restructuring of my life and just generally hoping all things fall into pleasant places. 







Thursday, October 5, 2017

The boys II men love album

In 2009 only the best boy band in the whole wide world,

came together and put together a cover of all the best love songs and titled it love.



In a twist of separation
You excelled at being free
Can't you find a little room inside for me?


I saw them live in Vegas two years ago, caught a rose and all that jazzz,  but this album is like soul food to my lover girl persona.

I can't wait to fly them in for my mum's 60th birthday party to sing her mama.

:)

I will write about Kenya X Kigali soon I've just been taking it all in. 
It was amazing
tbh any time away from Lagos is amazing.



The views in Kigali shaaaaa.
Unrivaled.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

List 34: List the things that make you excited

Excited.

Balloons.

I have a bunch of balloons I "took" from IMAX and put them up in my room and every morning I look up at them I am so happy and excited it is ridiculous.

Helping people.
I'm really excited when I can provide solutions for people.
And its in everything.
I'm happiest providing solutions.


Eating out
Food. and not having to do dishes.
Win-Win.

Travelling
I own a travel blog- nuff said

Writing

Reading

SHOPPINGGGGGGGGG and receiving delivery items.

Monday, September 25, 2017

This part of my life is called - happyness

AKA


getting ready for my vacation this week.
I've written about the struggle on my travel blog.
That tickles me everytime I write it.

Travel blogger. Ha.

Looking for a saloon where I can get mustard nails done.

Looking for someone to send me GBP to my barclays card. ( I know)

Also super super excited about my vacation.

Need to go loan a camera from my friend and put my new shiny photography skills to use. :)

Still trying to put together a playlist so.

Yeah

Yeah

I'm good. Life is good.


Thursday, September 21, 2017

Currently

Listening non stop to

You tell me fuck you with the lights on
And I always answer my phone

I love this remix so much, it's proof that the LOML Diplo hears my hearts desires and is interested in fulfilling them

Ty dolla sign's verse.
*fans self*

Word on the twitter streets is that: Wiz kid is bringing him to lagos in December.
Hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
And you already know I'm putting my December calendar together.


Reading



and stopping to cry at intervals because overwhelmed.
I am literally cancelling plans to read this book because WHATTTT?
I feel like I can relate so strongly with HRC and just reading this and affirming my feeling
I know what it's like to be a certain way and people judge you because 
you might not be as expressive or unable to convey how you feel because of
preconceived notions about you.

She talks a lot about failing and the lessons of humility that come with it and I can reallllly relate with that. Really really.
Whatever the case I am intensely proud of HRC. and what happened was " She is a woman" and now now now you people have trump. hahahahahaha. 




Feeling

Happy. 
Content
but for some reason consistently tired and sleepy.

Attempting

To pack for my next vacation.
Visa's sorted so I'm mentally trying to combine out fits
To compile a playlist for my next vacation and I'm having the time of my life just rediscovering the songs I like to travel to. 


Contemplating

Not checking in luggage for this trip.
Color of nail polish I should use
If I should go to Dubai for my birthday or London?
Or if I should stay in Lagos and have a house party.





Monday, September 18, 2017

List 33: List the ways that you are a leader

I think it's just one.

I organize.

Literally I show up and somehow I'm running things making sure that everyone is fine and everything is going as planned.

It is actually ridiculous. It happens at parties. Cleaning up, Volunteer work.

Everything

I just get there and sort of take charge.

It would be the best thing if I can find a way to monetize it to be honest.

But alas.

Throw back and a bit of hand running through my hair.


Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?
Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way you do?


Throw back.
This song takes me back back back to better times heart wise.

Itunu had her '00KaraokethemedParty over the weekend.

I lost my voice but I had such an amazing amazing amazing time.

Gosh

I think I'm still recovering.

You know how when you know you shouldn't make poor choices but you do anyway because  fuck it?

Yeah I think that's where I am at.

I had a really really really good weekend and I think I am going to spend the rest of the month trying to decide on what it is I want from life.

I'm in a really good place because everyone keeps telling me " You are so happy", You are so free, you are living your best life and I'm like you guys my best life would me being a swimsuit model but here we are, navigating Lekki traffic daily.

Ps: I got put on a project and I'm so pleased with the out come
I kept wondering why my body hurt all over- Turns out I ran 5km on saturday morning then went to the market THEN partied till morning.

I also didn't do my nails last week so I'm literally riding these ones out to the death.

My next vacation no one is checking in luggage and I'm just like hayyy, Can I do this?

We investigate.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Know thy self and other short stories

After an argument about my love language,

I took a quiz and turns out

The person I was arguing with was right.


Would you look at that.

Turns out my two top love languages are 1. Receiving gifts and 2. Physical Touch.


If you asked me a yesterday I would have said QT and Acts of Service.

Ah well, we live and we learn.

Still slightly shocked that the person was right.

I swear I only started giving things away as gifts because, it's hard to keep your whole life from  three bedrooms into one.

But alas.


Monday, September 11, 2017

What T told me- when I told him Lagos boys don't really want situtationships.

You know what you need to do?

You need to leave this baby boy life alone,

get you one boy focus on him and catch all the feelings.

There is too much bullshit out there.


32: List the ways you get energized

1- Sleep.
If I shower and sleep and put the AC on, the quality of my sleep is sooo good.
It's almost like magic.

So explain to me why I do not shower everynight?


2- Helping people solve their problems

This one is really weird because I'm super inconvinenced yet somehow I manage to make it work.

3-Working out
Strange supposed to be tired but somehow will find strength to do alllll the other crazy things I kinda wanna do.

4- Reading a book
Reading is one of my first loves and is my true true truest pleasure.
Every vacation I read the alchemist.
Every year it gets better- maktub.

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Booty Call, Ready and Out

From the bottom,
I spent the long weekend out.
Literally.

Thursday was my girl's birthday and we went to bottles to celebrate with her.
Before that we caught up at Ikoyi club, and ended up having guinea fowl with the daddies in squash section.
Which, let me tell you- Sugar baby life will fit me DIE.
After which we ended up at 57.
Got a message from my Sugar Baby and popped in to say hey to him with my home girl.

When I called him to tell him I would be coming with my friend, he said
"Why are you bringing a body guard?"
Me: LOL

Good times.

Friday thankfully work free was spent in bed. Recuperating. Recovering. Resting and getting ready.

My girl Uloh got into town, and went to see an art opening with her.
After which we went to get table top dancing at Velvett.
Ps: Velvett is my SPOT. I love it.
And ran into everyone in Lagos.

My boy Deji brought me sallah meat that I shared with the bouncers at the door and now we are in a committed relationship. (Velvett & I- not the bouncer).

Also DJ Crowd Kontroller at Velvett is THE VERY ONE. I love him.

Left the club on Friday and spent the night at my girls house.
Contemplated stabbing her gateman because he was acting a damn fool.

Saturday
Spent the day in bed.
Then gave myself a dilke scrub rub down and general pampering
my girls came over to wardrobe co-ordinate and have lunch. we ate eba and vegetable with cow leg and cake with iced tea infused with cuban rum and some water.
Then I went back to bed

Woke up at 9 and started getting ready for my friends wedding.
Fun Fun Fun.
From the wedding went to Velvett and then to 57 after which i drove home dead tired but you know ready for the beach the next day

Sunday
Church harvest at my mothers church that went on FOREVER. aka beach cancelled.
went to support my girl Steph at a thing she was doing in VI.
Good times.
Then went to a Sallah Party ( first one all holiday).
And the rice was so sweet. Jesus.
I took some meat away and I still had some meat this morning.

Fast forward to 9pm ended up at Slay doing karaoke.
fastforward further to 12 and Itunu is messaging me about drinks at Churascos.
I say no.

I get home and crawl into bed.
Ps: I did not drink a drop of alcohol ALL WEEKEND.
Not a single drop.
Ate like a pig tho, so ojoro cancel.

Monday
I stop by at my friend's - for lack of a better word- house and he has some work to catch up on.
we are talking. just catching up and he speaks about an article he wrote and he was shy to share it,
so I say oh the one we talked about and he said
"Oh we spoke about that? I thought I was just your booty call"
Me *pulls up article and reads it out loud*

When we are done catching up, I leave to sugarcane to have lunch with my home girl and her friend from work.

Cool stuff.

Fastforward to after lunch, a brief stop at my sugar baby's house and then back to ICF to have desert with Uloh before we head out to the airport to drop her off.

I tell them about the conversation. and she said " You said you are looking for king and you did not re-assure him when he said that, This is not the attitude of someone looking for a king".

My other friend chips in,
" You know, maybe you aren't ready"

And I realize that I'm never going to be one of those people whose social media is stuffed with photos and captions of king followed by really cheesy shit.

You know.

I mean, I was with Eros forever and I didn't have any of those, perhaps, I really don't have the range.

And you know what?

That's okay.

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Currently

Listening non stop to 



Baby, 
I want your simple and your crazy
I'm not the type to tame it
Just when you think you are at your worst
I'm giving you my best.




This album is so sweeeet ehn. I love it.
Like its on constant repeat.

Reading
I've haven't be reading much.
because my life has been busy.
But I have made time to read alllllll the old messages I really should delete.
But yeah, I haven't be reading much.

Planning

-For my vacation at the end of the month. I can not wait
-my holiday wardrobe
-how I'm going to vanish from work for a family event at 1 ish
- How I need a driver, that someone else will pay for
- how I need to loose weight
-Outfits for the weekend


Loving

My nails
The turn out for my mother's husband's 60th birthday
MY HAIR.
I cut my hair (again) and dyed it the most beautiful shade of purple/Pink.

My gosh you guys it is beautiful. ( My hair)
My life currently.


I know this is such a shit update but you people will have to manage.
Also I love weddings.
I thought I'd hate them because of the separation from Eros,
But I actually really really like them.
I actually a calendar full for the month of October and I am dying from excitement already.

Also why are my family members trying to constantly hook me up.
From my mothers friends ( Iyama).
To my cousin who called me to tell me that her co-worker saw my photo
and wants my number.
(double Iyama).

I'm a really peculiar person so I'm very wary about being hooked up.
So I just tell them what I have discovered is the biggest cop out.
Let me pray about it.

Thats even a bigger cop out than my husband said no.

Sha sha sha.

My nails look cute. My hair is popping
My skin looks amazing

And My sugar baby called me this morning for a collaborative jam session over the phone.

Listen, it may not look/sound like it but I'm counting my blessings and right now
life is good.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

31: List the words that define your personality

Happy
Optimistic
Positive
Influential
Intelligent
Careful
Spontaneous
Lover girl
Love enthusiast
Lady of Leisure
Bubbly
Vindictive
Vain??
Considerate
Resourceful
Duty bound
Kind (ish)
Organized
Helpful

So basically I'm the introvert/extrovert (really the word is ambivert), who hates people in her bed and cant stand wet showers but LOVES having a good time partying at velvett.

You are contradictory he said.
Maybe.


Friday, August 25, 2017

What are you running from?

You are guarded

You keep running

What are these walls?

Why won't you open up to me?

Me: huh?

I swear I'm like a lover girl but everyone keeps saying things that prove that I am not.

2 weeks ago my friend said to me that she would never introduce me to any of her friends because

I am a cassanova.

Me: BITCH WHET?

I was hurt. and now I have to find someone else to introduce me to the boy.

So I ask my home girl M, who was in town from Miami and she is like yah, you have walls.

Me: Word?

Even in friendships and its obvious because you are so open so when you have a wall its glaring think national red line uncrossable.

ME: hayyy.

I also ask E, who is my baby girl and trusted adviser in matters of the heart because who better to show you the way?

Sha she said yes, why are you running so much?

what are you running from?

Me: Everything.

Her: It be's like that sometimes.


Monday, August 21, 2017

list 30: The qualities you admire most in others

Patience
I'm not a very patient person and it translates to even when I am dealing with myself I want things now now now.


Forgiveness
I'm not the most forgiving person - apparently.

The ability to not speak back ( sometimes)
I always have to say something.
Always.
Have to have the last word.

Really it goes from you are so cute to you need to cut that attitude out or I will come and fuck it out of you. smack you.

Modesty
I admire modest people, I love to sing my praises by myself constantly.

I do not think there are any virtues in playing small, but that is just me.

Ps: I had such an amazing amazing amazing weekend ehn.
Pss: Do yall not drink the cocktails at weddings?

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Completion

I completed my photography class.

I am so proud of myself.

I keep looking at the photos like. Gosh.

Thank you so much Canon.

And Leke.

Thank you!




29: List your childhood and current dream job

As a child I really thought I was going to be a beauty queen a la Agbani.

Google her.

Anyway now I am masquerading as a chartered accountant while really I'm an enjoyment enthusiast.

My current dream jobs, would be to curate affordable travel plans and itineraries  for Nigerians.

Which means I get paid to travel for free and write about my experiences and tell people* why they should visit these cities.

Second job would be to be a columnist a la Carrie Bradshaw minus the shoes but for travel.

 and maybe a bit of the sex?

we will see sha, trying to make this a reality.


*Nigerians

Friday, August 11, 2017

Articles I liked this week

Because I'm all about love and what's better than a love story between two power houses?

Love Story


Because I met Diplo in Lagos, while he was on his Africa tour,
and was most likely one of the people eating steak at COVA while he Dj-ed
Also waited in the rain for his headline performance at Gidifest


Diplo


Because everyone says, you won't compromise.
This Quora question answers this perfectly.

Difficult

Relationship Pro tip:  If someone has too much baggage, we’ll end up carrying a lot of it.


And finally because, aren't we all trying to hack this thing called life?
in the healthiest possible way?

Life hack

Excerpt: "but merely pointing out that
 it is not necessary to accept the choices handed down to you by life as you know it.
There is more to it than that— no one HAS to do something he doesn’t want to do
 for the rest of his life.
But then again, if that’s what you wind up doing,
by all means convince yourself that you HAD to do it.
You’ll have lots of company."

This week picked up greatly, you know, if anyone is interested in knowing.
My Travel blog *covers face* has two comments,
And I'm starting a photography class next week- No more shooting on auto!

Told you it picked up.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Hate

I think
Actually I know

That there is one thing I hate more than being lied to,
and it's people taking my things without my permission.

It is disrespectful AF.

And I do not do it, because I know how much it irks me.

Same way I ask people before I pick out of their plates because I know how much some people hate it.

I don't care about it but I respect people enough.

So I moved back home and my sister assumed it was perfect to just pick up where she left off stealing my things.

Latest one includes a set of 3 gold bracelets valued at 500GBP.
Now I had been managing my bracelets so that next time I'm in London,
I will go back with my receipt and sell them jejely and collect my money
because Ticket to Barbados is 500GBP

Imagine my confusion when I couldn't find them.
They are kept in one place and I didn't move them.

Anyway I went to visit my sister
and guess what I found?

My beloved bracelets in the tray where she keeps her keys.

And offcourse one was broken.

Bye bye Ticket to Barbados.

But check this, she doesn't understand why I am upset.
Apparently I am " Over reacting"

And everytime she says that word I just want to slap her across the face with a folding metal chair.


Over reacting to something I have told you repeatedly that I hate?

Right.

Just thinking about this is stressing me out.
Fast forward to this morning,
she messages me about how much she loves me and she wants me to know

And I tell her,

Stop taking my things.
If you "Love" and respect me as you claim and you really want me to know
leave my things alone.

Off course she starts talking about how it is only material and it's not enough for me to react like that.

Me: LOL.

When you are ready to love me, you know what to do.
till then I'm not interested in this conversation.

I hope she goes back to my mother and they both cry over this.

because I know that shit isn't ending.

And now I'm ready for war fare.

Rubbish.

*eyeroll*

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

List 28: List the wildest things you want to try

- Sky Diving
I have an insane fear of heights plus I'm Nigerian so I'm very aware of the fact that 1000 people may have jumped and when its my turn the parachute won't deploy because my village people are working over time.

-Spontaneous Trips
Like a what are you doing, pack a bag lets go type trip
I'm an excel plan the trip typa girl.
There are budgets and there are correspondences and there are plans
that are flexible, but plans none the less

- Playboy Cover
I reallllllly wanna do a playboy cover I mean I'm only going to have this body now so I might as well. you know?

- Write a book
This I've always wanted to do and maybe I can get it done this year. Maybe.


Post Script
Wildest Person I want to try: The boy I liked.

Friday, August 4, 2017

Bad things and Bad people

Sometimes you need a reminder that you know circumstances are just that - Circumstances.

They aren't defining points, neither are they labels. 

They are simply circumstances.

Last night I was out with T as is our usual tradition, my sugar baby text me.

And I went out to talk with him for  a bit, in a bid to disuade him I mentioned that I was currently separated from Eros.


He said

It's a bad thing to happen, but you are not a bad person, and it is important to remember this.


Out of the mouth of Babes.


If I could weep from relief I would have.

I mean I have friends till date who made the most off hand comments and hurtful comments about this but look at this underage baby giving me clarity.

Amazing.

As an aside: These Young boys have all the linessss.
Like I am equal parts impressed and amused at the same time everytime we have a conversation.

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

August

A few things I had planned to be able to do in 2017

Run around in heels

Play the Piano

Do a full split

Start and hopefully conclude legal separation from Eros.

Today is August 2nd

Ask me where I have reached?

No where

Still not wearing heels anywhere

Still haven't started Piano classes

LOL at the full split

And very interestingly I can not even find the marriage certificate to even start the process.

I had a really interesting day yesterday

- Sorted out my last vendor payment which happened to be the wedding cake. Converted it to a cake for my mother's husbands birthday. Meh

- Found out my Amala woman has closed down. Hiss

- and off course the crushing disappointment from the realization that the thing with the boy won't work.

But on the upside: Remember when I told you how I was praying for something else asides ticket money?

My Aunt was really sick, it was going to cost a shit load of money to sort her out, but in under a month she is back home.

Walking. Talking. Eating.

Also my sugar wax girl is in Lagos from Abuja.

Pleased doesn't even cover it.

Even more exciting,

I've ordered my birthday cake already. My Birthday is in November.

Heh.

Even with the left-ness of yesterday I am pretty excited about August.

I'm attempting a whole 30 no alcohol thingy thingy thing.

Will let you know how that goes.

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Update on I met a boy.

So you know the boy
that I actually developed a range for a liked to bits  liked

Yeah
It's not happening.
And it's so awful how you grow up
and you realize that things won't work
no matter how much like
or potential a thing might have
or perfect vibes

I miss being young and stupid
and making those stupid decisions with my chest
But you gatta learn, you gatta grow
Ignorance is actually bliss.

So I'm thinking do I want to try this friend thing
But you know how you end up being friends with someone
and next thing
Reverse cow girl.

To thine self be true abi how do they say it?

I feel maybe I should try this celibacy thing Fr Fr.
I mean I'm already on course abi?
Let it be deliberate.

I am thankful for T,
for Thursdays and for being
the right type of asshole.



ON THE UPSIDE
My wax girl from abuja just happens to be in lagos.
Color me dying of excitement abeg.
Body gonna be out here feeling like
the glory of God.

Monday, July 31, 2017

List 27: List the things that make you feel healthy, Mind, Body and Soul

Not in any particular order


Mind

Reading
Praying
Texting the boy I like
Writing
Solving problems
Getting a manicure
Shopping
Meditating
Witty conversations
Listening to Music


Body
Working out
Yoga sometimes
Lie-ins
Amazing amazing amazing sex. ( yes 3 Amazing's)
Spa days that consist of Hammams and Massages
Whole 30
Moscato

Soul

Travelling
The beach
Celebrating my friends
Shoulder kisses
Back of neck kisses
Forehead kisses


Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Currently and musings.

Listening

Non stop because I'm the Queen of indulgence.


say her name na fiona
she ah very fine girl but you know that she no nice
alcohol and cigarette oh oh


Reading

Nothing.

Which is weird because I'm always reading. 

Anyway

My mind is everywhere. So I would not finish this.
But I promise myself that I will write.

So I sent an email to the boy that I most certainly and it's blowing my mind because what the actual fuck type of stress is this,  think I like.

Trying to explain, 
that I do an immersion thing*,
that I'm quick to leave
and that I'm scared that I'd break him
and whatever the fuck this thing we have is
Like I break everything else.

Without sounding like I'm the Queen of excuses.
And eliminating more maybes?


E said- You can enjoy the juice but do not get lost in the sauce.
Me: Oh I think I already drowned.

* Sassy says I do. I do not even know what this means.

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Update

So I met a boy.

That I *actually* like.


via GIPHY


Lets check back in a month to see how I feel about this, cool?

Cool.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

T & E

Me: I do not know maybe I will go out on friday
E:    Well its election saturday
Me: Even better let me go and find whose house I will spend it at
E:    You know there is NO movement right? so you need to be sure you want to spend the whole day with whoever it is you wake up next to.
Me: Yeah, I'll probably just go home.
T:    Yeah you are probably not going home.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

testimonyyyy tahmmmm.



I do not worry a lot.

Things work out a lot for me, and those that don't, I chalk them up to things that shouldn't and I when I look back I'm thankful that they didn't.

But I worry sometimes about money when I make poor choices because I run a really tight ship with my finances.

Like if I deviate or wrongly forecast, I literally have to live on N5k for a week type tight ship.


Anyway, my friends and I have been trying to go to Ghana for AGES. and these heifers are the most unreliable sme sme filled girls. So to say we haven't been able to sort it out is an understatement.

Sha on saturday I was at Yoga, and turns out a bunch of people are going to * insert African country* and I'm interested.

Then when I'm told how much it costs I'm like yeah sign me UP.

So I pay for the accommodation on the spot.

And I'm like cool, I still have money for my mechanic who came to take my car that morning.

Sha, mechanic came and it was double what I budgeted, meaning I was going to be left with maybe N800 in my checking account.

But no biggie, I had money on my E-tag and fuel in my car for the week so I'm cool.

Sunday comes and these heifers are now " Serious" about Ghana.

New dates and what not, and more expensive ticket prices.



via GIPHY

I also check the second trip because I mean I'm already intensely emotionally and financially invested.

Rookie mistake, I do not book a ticket on hold.


So Monday morning I get to work, I check online and I book a slightly cheaper ticket that the booking expires in 3 days but I do not really care because I mean I do not have the money and I'm doing the mental maths of  the fastest way of moving money around and maybe paying or not.


And because I'm silly and ungrateful and my memory is sooo short about how all the times God has come through for me, I start telling Eneni how, OMG I'm going to have to cancel one of the trips, most likely Ghana because no money etc etc etc.

Then I get a credit alert.
From my Old employers.
Co-operative Scheme.

Which is the exact amount of money for my ticket. That I had booked 30 minutes ago.

Because I have home training and I don't have power for onigbese and I'm well behaved I look at the details of the person that paid me. Like huh?

Okay so I'm confused, I'm calling who sent me the money like- EXCUSE ME, off course no one picks up.

I panic and tell Eneni that I just got some money but it has to be a mistake, she said send an email.

I send an email like " Hey guys I got some money, whats it about?"

Turns out on Friday they had a meeting and decided to pay Dividend and since I was a member up till May of this year I was eligible for payment and that was that.

Color me amused.

By the time the decision was made to pay me, I did not even know about the trip.

When I decided to go on the trip, I did not have the money but I paid for the accommodation anyway.

I booked the ticket and I had no idea where I planned to get the money from.

In literally 30 minutes of the booking being made, I got the exact amount.

You guys, I did not even pray or anything. It did not even occur to me to pray or tell God, I have other things I'm praying for so I'm like wo, this one I can handle let me not disturb God, I'm already asking him for that other thing- PS: He also sorted that one out as well.

All I did was try to start worrying about what had already been taken care off, before I even knew I was going to have that need.

Is God not amazing?


Doesn't he really see the end from the beginning and deserve our full and ultimate trust?

Am I not crazy for worrying when EVERY SINGLE TIME, he has come through so spectacularly that I am ashamed of how silly I was and I have Nigerian politician levels of shame AKA non existent.

Hint: Yes. Yes and Yes I am obviously crazy.

Like I want to put up the conversation I was having with my friend about how I'm going to have to drop a trip and stop buying things etc etc etc.

Shaaaa once I confirmed the money was actually mine.

I called the airline, confirmed the office location, and closing time.

Left my office at 4pm and went to pay for my ticket.

And that is that.

Vacation for the second half of the year sorted.

I still can't believe it.

Honestly if you want good things to happen to you, maybe you should hitch your self to my star because even me I can't explain it.

And this is why I really really really think my life's work has something to do with travel and travel finance, and why I keep at writing my Travel blog because I truly think they are linked but I'm still trying to work it out.
Plus there are only so many throwback posts I can give the gram before my bad belle followers block me.

Because, this is such a massive thing for me, I got home and told my mum.

She was like- God really likes you sha.

I told her- You think???

So that's the second travel testimony this year and we are just in July.


Dear God,

You know how we spoke about Asia being 2018 travel. Come through for your daughter.
Since you clearly have the hands and you are in the business of showing off in my life.

So I'm thinking the Thailand Yacht week* to ring in 2018 because you guysss I finalllly turn 30!

Then two weeks in May doing the big 4 Asian countries,

And if you have been reading this blog you already know how excited I have been about turning 30.

I really think I will enter my final form of fabulousness

Although people who know me say I am well on the way.

So that is the testimony.

God provided before the need physically manifested in my life.

 Also I'm thinking of trying out this fly without checking in luggage life.

So if anyone has tips come through for your girl abeg.

* I think it is cancelled now sha.

Ps: If anyone has been to Asia with a Nigerian passport tell me how you hacked it.
Pss: What Asian cities should I see?
Psss: Every trip is probably 2 weeks/10 working days.

List 26: List the things you would change in your life right now if you could

- MY JOB.

- My commute to work

-The fact that Eneni doesn't want to have a birthday party

-  The fact that I over sleep the next morning when I shower in the night ( and this is absolutely ridiculous)

- The fact that I'm not the Virgina black's ambassador for the West African market. please someone should talk to Drake for me.


Friday, July 14, 2017

Matrimony

LOL relax.

The Wale X Usher Song


Its like any growth, you can't be ready for it
Because its growth , It's gonna be new
you are going to have a new life
you are going to be a new person.


Baby I've been making plans 
FOR YOU

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

List 25. List the things that make you feel powerful

This is so random because only last week someone said to me, you like to feel like super woman.

LOL - I need to get back into the gym.

I think I feel the most powerful when I win/get what I want.

It's awful but true.

also when I am able to get my body to do what needs to be done sometimes at the gym, or on the Yoga mat.

Finally when I react just exactly how I decided to response irrespective of how I feel like responding.
I feel so good when that happens.

Like I love it so much.

When I'm like girl you already decided you weren't going to flip, and I do not flip.

Perfect and Powerful.

Monday, July 10, 2017

Currently

Listening 

non stop to as I am wont to do.


I know I know yet another spanish song.
In my real life, I'm going to marry a spanish billionaire because
in the words of JayZ, whats better than one billionaire? Two.

Y se formó la gozadera, Miami me lo confirmo
Y el arroz con habichuela, Puerto Rico me lo regaló

My spanish is getting better btw.


Reading

or just concluded reading this book.
Everything I needed to read/here in a flooded in weekend.


As you all know I am on a path to find my emotional range and I'm doing a lot of reading re: self awareness and this is such a good book.
Really important quote " You do not have to explain your love, You do not have to justify your love, You just need to practice your love.

Started a bout of self love my appreciating my body with sun salutations yesterday morning, fixing my hair and going to see the works of someone who said my features were very striking and he wanted to paint me. Old me would  have been like *side eye*, current me is like - wa wa wa thoughts. LOL.


Anyway its a really really solid book. 



Being

-Kind to my body. I've had three surgeries and my body has housed my soul through recuperation and I'm done trying to get it into something else. My body is gonna be the body it is.

- Forgiving to the people who offended me. This is difficult because I used to be petty AF. But over the weekend, I took a step to forgive someone and I was really pleased. Still upset but glad.

-Late to work because rain came and washed away all the roads in Lagos.

- Truthful to myself and others by no longer telling lies that I do not need to tell. but especially to myself


Looking

For my favorite earrings. This loss of jewelry is so stressful for me because I never used to lose shit now I can't find anything.

Forward to this weekend, I have a yoga class and a wedding and I'm thinking maybe drinks and dinner.

Back at the delicious weekend I had. Asides being flooded in, I finally sorted out something that I have been stressing myself over. So pleased. I also took my new rings for a spin. Super pleased.

For people to do my get away with. Still silence.


Wondering

-What someone who I met said to me, "I'm worried. You have so much depth", meant.
for whatever it is worth I'm sure it was a compliment.

- If this statement is true " Just because you are not winning, doesn't mean you are loosing"


Hoping

That statement is true because its the window with which I plan to look at my supposed 6 month celibacy plan that turned into a short lived 3 week run.

Short lived is even being ambitious. but IDC IDC.


Enjoying

My life to the fullest.








Friday, July 7, 2017

Cougar du jour

Spent today in bed, I had exposed myself to the elements on Thursday and I just took today out rest and recoup.

My mum came in and said when she saw my car on a Friday night, then she knew I was really sick.

Imagine that?

Last night I was at bogobiri with T as is now our Thursday tradition ( till he runs away to America), and I met yet another 25 year old.

T shakes him and says, I prefer the one from last week.

I am about to die of laughter.

Why do you get to have a pissing contest with my baby boy's ? I ask.

Because It is always a pissing contest he replies.

I met an artist on Wednesday who has an exhibition I want to go and see after church on Sunday,

If anyone is interested please let me know so we can make plans to go together. My contact me page/link thingy has my email.


I'm finding my foray into art very very very interesting, It's almost like I stepped in and now EVERY door is opening to me.

I love that it is a really different laid back vibe from what I am used to in my actual job.

Also someone said they cant decipher what I do for a living from my Instagram account. Strange I swore IG had a different purpose but I guess I'm playing myself.

If anyone cares I'm in PR. LOL

That's what everyone thinks I do anyway so. :)

My former co-worker is getting married tomorrow and I honestly do not want to go.

Like I so don't want to go ehn, but I am going to go because it has already been decided by me and I think it would mean a lot to the bride if I show up.

Today is Eros's birthday.

And no I did not send him any present or message or olive branch because what is dead may never die but rise again stronger and oh look its 9 days to season 7 even though I don't watch GOT.

Still waiting on the final book sha.

I need to be really really really careful what I think/wish It always seems to come to pass.

I'm ready to become a super model and travel the world for free and run on beaches half naked and walk in fashion shows and write columns in magazines about my life in my spare time.

Dear Universe, my skin is clear enough for this now, over to you.

Speaking of travelling the world, I had planned to do more Nigeria travel but why does no one want to follow me?

I'm about to get myself a chunk of expat boyfriends to face this my travel dreams with because You nigerians aint shit ahn ahn.

Travel plans include IITA, Kaduna and Abraka.

You know just incase anyone is interested they are pretty much friday to sunday plan trips, pocket friendly and I'm celibate so I won't jump you. ( you can relax)

The only thing I ask, pay your way and take fire photos of me okay?

M thinks my life is very interesting.

Asides my self imposed sex drought, I am inclined to agree.


Wednesday, July 5, 2017

5/7/17

I think my boss is inappropriate.

Which isn't unusual. This is Nigeria.

But inappropriate in that he is giving me marital advice and we are not close like that.

Today in a group of people he said if I married you I would be flogging you in the house.

Interestingly enough I wasn't livid.

Just slightly amused because I'm never going to marry you what is the point.

And it dawned on me that I really really really might not get the range back.

Took a trip to clear my mind and now I'm even more lost with a shorter fuse than I can survive with.

But it means I'm not giving myself a headache over hypothetical situations that are never ever ever going to come to pass.

My favorite past time used to include doing that, building situational castles in the sky, but I learnt quickly that what you think is what you get so, I switched those thoughts up positive real quick.

And now life is good.

Sunday by the pool at Intercontinental with T,

T "So the boy from thursday"
Me: OMG he is 24444!
T: and?
Me: I don't know if sugar mummy is something I want to dabble in
T: He is going to be really smooth, if that he him at 24, his game is only going to get stronger
Me: Yeah definitely. but not for me
T: Gabrielle Union swears differently

*swats him*

My old friends have started throwing shade about T and I, which is really interesting because they couldn't be farther from what it is.

Same way my friend in Miami thought Yorubae was my boyfriend.

Interesting thing I've noticed is that everyone has started asking me if I am dating?
It's weird because I'm not.

Inappropriate boss was telling me today how he wishes he was 35 and could do life over again. Said he got jilted at 26 and carried it with him forever so he went on a sleeping around spree and then just couldn't stop and got married but still wishes he stopped to get to know people.


And it occurred to me that is why I was becoming celibate.

IssaRaunchySexRabbitLifestyle was becoming a tad too comfortable for me and not like it's a bad life (seeing as I enjoy(ed),- hopefully, it thoroughly), It always ends with people who aren't me getting hurt and that is not who I am ( okay maybe it is but I'm trying to be better).

And also because I was reading my journal and I remembered that someone told me that I break everything I come in contact with ( Fake news by the way, I'm a total healer).

I'm swearing off casual sex till I find the range to actually enter into a committed lets see what we are doing anyway type thing.

I also harbor this really strange fear where I'm not going to be able to pick someone because- who keeps bringing more I've had too many type thing.

And It's really strange because - How can I be afraid that I won't be able to chose someone, when I know a problem most people have is literally the opposite?

But you know what?

Problems are problems.

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Urgh

While I am totally thankful that I can afford to live the life I am living currently,

I absolutely hate the fact that I have choices to make and they are stressing me out.

1- To get a new passport OR to pay for 40 yoga classes at 40k. for 3 months which is honestly  A STEAL. ( i.e 1k a class in LEKKI, hello Unicorn?!)
I also need a new passport because

2- To invest some money or pay for my ikoyi club membership.

3- Find people to come to kajuru with my girls and I. Stress. esp as I do not know if I would be out of town for work.


Weirdly number 1 is the most stressful one for me because its such little money but because I run such a tight ship with my money I'm just like urgh. urgh. urgh.

List 24: List your quirks

Ah this.

I have like a really really really evil laugh. Think Cruella de-vil meets Ursula (Both Disney villains)

Like my real laugh not my I-think-you-are-cute-so-I'm-coy-and-giggling-laugh.

I snort when it's really really funny.

I complete people's sentences. ( However this is something I think I am trying to stop).

I'm likeable? Really likeable and very persuasive.



Monday, July 3, 2017

Banana fall on you

Last night something interesting happened.

A few things actually.

1- Someone stole our bottle of Hennessy at the club.

Lagos is too much for me.

2- I ran into someone who I hadn't seen in maybe 5 years and when he asked me if I was single, had a boyfriend seeing anyone, I casually said " Yeah I'm separated from my husband".

And he just said, lets have lunch some time, I let you get away before, I won't make that mistake again.



via GIPHY



Ps: If you read this blog you know about the boy who wanted to take me to Paris for the weekend but I was in a "relationship". Yeah It's him, he moved back to Lagos last year.

3- I am actually really skinny now.  I saw a photo of myself on my friends snap chat and I'm like WHAT?

I'm so tiny. I need to eat like a goat abeg.


Friday, June 30, 2017

So. Cougar alert and other stories

Cougar alert.

Why did I go out with T last night and meet this 24 year old who wants to give me his heart?

No

I mean like he said to me while holding my hand clasped in both of his, " I like you, I like you a lot and I think I want to give my heart to you, but I want to be logical about it"

Me: Thank you ( I guess)

Me: I am also 32 so yeah

Him: I've always liked older women

Me: No you just like me. not older women.

Him: You are right, I like you.


Now this wont have been a problem at allllllllll except you know how I said he is 24, turns out he went to school ( like shared a room- went to school) with Eros's younger, younger younger brother.

So I mention that oh I happen to know his room mate and he says oh " That's strange, how come he never introduced me to you, I usually meet most of his friends"

" well, I won't say we were exactly friends"

" Were you people having sex"

" Oh God no, but the nature of our relationship doesn't matter now"

"Doesn't matter how?"

"Like it is irrelevant".

"Okay, I'm going to let it rest and we would come back to it".

We would?





via GIPHY



So I mean this is getting major awkward because- wth?

And because really I'm the worst person to get tangled with right now, and because who the hell gets involved with someone 8 years younger- Actually the Macrons and WadeUnion begs to differ.

It just seems so interesting.

Also there is another very very very very interesting angle to this shit I can't blog about but trust me.

Someone would end up crying and it won't be me.

"Disclaimer received loud and clear"

My creative said, " I hate and envy how easy it is for you to get boys to like you".

me "It's my winning personality shining through".

Other stories.

I know someone who I used to be in a fitness group with. Won't say we are friends, we are cordial enough as you can be in a fitness group with over 30 women.
Group dissolves.


Last year, I move back home. raw as hell. and I start hearing from people that this "someone" has been asking everyone, why she is seeing me in traffic. since she knows I live in VI.

Not one person

Not two people.

And then those ones came to ask me if I was okay, which I was for the most part.

But it was the most intrusive thing ever because if you want to know so badly, why do you not ask me? why are you going around asking people who aren't me?

But okay no problem.

I told myself I would make sure this shit didn't make me hard, or bitter or spiteful towards anyone, So it didn't matter what I heard, or what XYZ said, I just told myself I won't be a bitch I would be gracious to everyone consistently irrespective of how I felt.

So I ignored this.

Today "Someone" messages me talking about I look so good
me: I KNOW. :)

Her: Please you seem to have the secret to this weight loss thing down. I just saw the photo you posted on IG. Tell me what you did.

*pause*

So I'm thinking I'm not the only person you must know who has lost weight, people loose weight all the time. And you can come to me for information about this, but you "heard" *I* moved back home and you thought to ask *everyone* else but me who had the information about it.

But I said- I'm trying to remain soft but this whole thing is really pissing me off.

Sunday night I'm out, I run into one of Ero's friends who wants to talk to me.

Me: Okay, I'm listening

Then he goes off on a tangent about how he can not believe I let things get to this point and he is disappointed in me.

Me: You are disappointed in me?



via GIPHY

So I just said okay nice chatting with you and entered my car.

I mean I could have read him and told him what he really wanted to hear but to what end?

I love Amebo as much as the next person but I guess this has really taught me to just be sensitive to the fact that the gist is actually someone else's reality and it wont hurt to measure your words before you open your mouth.

Ps: I have left said someone on read. for now. I'm probably going to answer her sha.
Because I'm a softie at heart.



Pss: I did take my 24 year old's number before he started declaring his serious like for me, but but I think it is best if I do not even use it, although I did say I will invite him to my next get away.

And my next get away finna be LITTY.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

List 23: List all the things that make you laugh

- Funny books

- Being Savage in traffic

- Having conversations over meals with my friends

-Random compliments

-The moment when people realize my actual greatness ( there is always that moment)

- Me being calm when everyone is going crazy.

- Me going crazy when everyone is being calm.

Honestly, everything just cracks me up. I'm one of those "Everything is a joke to you" people.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Currently

Contemplating

If this 6 month celibacy challenge is going to be the death of me.
Probably not
But knowing how these things work, Its going to be raining dick.
Always excited to try out how much self restraint plus my body really needs me celibate now


Listening

non stop to this and thinking should I try 3months instead? LOL JK



You should feel it, meet and greet it
I would be a genius if I didn't think with my penis

Thinking

-About the madness this weekend is about to be.
A Madness.

- About the boy I met at my boy's house last night who looked at me and said, " You are interesting, but not interesting like I want to figure you out, because I think I might lose my mind, but interesting in like I want to draw from you.

I hear all sorts but you guys I was like 


via GIPHY

No for real.
What is in this lagos water? I did not give him my number sha. No power.

-About how the reason I stopped snapchatting is going to be the same reason I stop using Instastories.

I mistakenly, And I say mistakenly- because I keep forgetting that because of my marital status a lot of things I do would be subject to all sorts of interpretation, but for real I'm just badly behaved, it's not personal. So I mistakenly  put up a photo while hanging out with my friend last night at his and he had a T shirt that said " Bad gang" and tagged it " With the boy".

Jamb Question galore.


-About how people who know me didn't even realize I never put up a photo of Eros. Ever
Speaking of Eros

-About how this would be the first time in a little under 10 years that I would not give him anything on his birthday.

Actually I'm a fucking liar, because I did consider sending him a cuban cigar.


via GIPHY

C'est la vie.


Looking

For my favorite earrings

Realizing
My mother was right, all those years of taking of jewelery and just dropping them everywhere, kitchen, bed, floor, bathroom sill was going to burn me when I got older.

Remembering 

How I almost died from embarrassment when I was looking for my Pandora.


Feening

For my body to heal it's self

Wondering

-If Yoga on the beach on Sunday morning is doing the most.
-If " Enjoyment Enthusiast" is the wrong answer when people ask me what I do.


And if any of you were wondering, I am still reading Camino Island.



Reckless

Went to my friend's brother's wedding on Saturday evening. No biggie, I'm settling into my seat but then my friend starts to i...