Monday, October 8, 2018

Birthday Project

decided to stop calling my birthday documentary a Vanity doc and started calling it a birthday project.

First of all, this thing is expensive.
I've called in all the possible favors I can possible call in
and it's still expensive,

Do you know I need a stylist, a make up artist, a photographer, videographer, a director, a creative director to set the tone of the documentary, a second videographer.
I need to make food available for all my guests and vendors
Need to buy balloons for the shoot
need to get a speaker as well.

There is A LOT of work that goes into this.

I think I feel like I have bitten more than I can chew, but at the same time I'm like "whats the worst that will happen"

I have a new found respect for creatives who go out on a limb and do things like produce documentaries.

Anyway pretty excited, meeting with the creative director who is in the mix re: conversation above. and he seems pretty pleased.
Might be having a mini sleep over as well. but I think I need to start running or at least doing some exercise for my abs.

Will def be having a screening party once this is done.

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

Vanity Doc

So for the big 30. I'm getting a documentary made.

Its a very very big vanity project but its something I'm looking forward to.

while speaking to the person who will shoot and direct it, we spoke about themes and people who I'd want to interview and all that and I asked casually " do you think I should ask my ex husband to send in a clip?"

and he was like- Do you people speak?
and I'm like - lol nah, but he is someone who was in my life for 10 years.
it'd be odd to do a whole ass doc and just erase him.
and he said to me: You have to simplify your life.

And I'm like cool.

I mean if Eros asked me, I'd be like FUCK NO. But what is so strange is that someone who has been such a huge chunk of your life just vanishes. It's weird.

I mean I have other love interests that have morphed into friends that are going to either send in clips or be in the vide, but I am pretty excited about it.

Like I am looking forward to working on this project. Picking out the accompanying music; just getting the questions I will have the contributors answer, the friends I am going to ask to speak.

The tears I'm going to cry just watching it when it's done.

I am not looking forward to how much it will cost sha.

but I'm excited can you tell?

I have visions of an opening montage of me at my first birthday and zoom to my 10th and so on and just random casual videos of us dancing in the club and having a blassst.
I can not wait.

Also if you have random candid videos of you and I send them to me.

they just might make the cut.

Monday, August 27, 2018


I met this french boy on Bastille day in Lagos and we planned to meet up the next day during the day but that turned into a night thing.

While we were out, he was asking " getting to know you questions" and I was like
" are you trying to fuck me? or get to know me?, because I'm confused".

and he responded

"L'un n'empeche pas l'autre".

This loosely translates to " one does not prevent the other".

Fast forward to last week, I spent some time at his in his place and he asked me if he could call me Or.

I was like nope.

And he said, but in french it means Gold.

And I'm like that's sweet BUT, it's still not my name.

Oyibo people are interesting but I make sure he calls me by my full name abeg. 

No power

Also people keep asking me what the deal is with us and  I'm like "lets ignore the fact that he is coming to see me this weekend and I'm going back to see him and we are attending a wedding together and call it a fling".

Ps: I also managed to get me an Indian toaster.

So you can call me united nations. I won't be mad at all.

Thursday, August 16, 2018

Alexa, play bad habits by Maxwell

And as I got dressed for work this morning, I looked at my sex partner (who we are going to refer to as  Hercules from now by the way because it seems like he is here to stayyyy)  and said

you are not good for me. I have to cancel you.

He looked at me and said same. then made a big X sign with his hands in the air.

followed by, so see you later tonight?

Me: Yeah I'll let you know.

Anywaayyyyy I did the adult thing and had a conversation explaining and setting out my terms of relations with Hercules and he accepted.  which really was that I am not interested in doing any heavy emotional lifting but I am available for casual sex and will be willing to do a minimum of TWO group hangouts with him a month( he seems obsessed with carting me around town), not my cup of tea to be honest. but it was a compromise I was willing to make.

I also mentioned that I would be unavailable for the next few months because I have exams I need to read for. so our sessions will be limited.

Last term was that I do not need him being crazy when he see's me with other men out because you knowwwww, ya girl is single. he agreed. Sorta. (said his friends were off limits)
Which is interesting because I've been on two dates with one of these off limit friends. ( I know I know, but in my defense I gave my word to my friend before I agreed to the terms!)

Beloved, we had been having an unreal amount of glorious sex, THEN I had a crazy experience with him which spooked me for a hot minute and then its back to ignoring his messages and  fucking in restaurant bathrooms.


I know. Smh.

Anyway that aside, my friend said she hated that I wasn't dating.
I looked at her like- WHAT? I have no free nights. I'm always out on dates.
she said" with men you know you'd never seriously consider"
me: Like they are dead on arrival?
her: exactly.

to be honest. I haven't even considered seriously dating. Like It's not even something that is on my mind at the moment.

So its strange how everyone keeps talking about how I need to be serious with it.
Ps: ALL the people who tell me this are single.

I am happy with where my non existent dating life is. because there is no shortage of men.
Which is terrible because you'd assume that because everyone complains. there are no men.
Beloved. there are men.

the quality of sex is what I can not vouch for.

I am thinking of picking up a sport. I have been thinking of squash. The friend of Hercules invited me to come watch him play on sunday in apapa club. And I'm like hmnnn.

Last time I went to watch anyone play a sport was sugar baby and soccer.
So you know, I said we'll see.

or Maybe running, but this one that they have started seeing snakes in my estate, that is out of the question.

Its august and I'm kinda pleased with how my life is currently panning out.


Wednesday, August 1, 2018


You guys know I was screaming at the top of my lungs about this popping sex I was having.

and you know if I was telling you, I was telling everybody who cared to listen.

So my homeboy who was outta town called me for a work favor.
I take the opportunity to casually mention, that you know, me and sex boy are done.

This idiot says to me:

Look, your people management skills are poor. infact they are terribly non existent. 
How can you be having the best sex of your life and you can't manage to keep him around?

Me: err

Him: It's a shame I was looking forward to meeting Mr Hercules Penis.

Me: You are a goat, and I'm gonna block you.

Monday, July 30, 2018


Third and probably final installation of my little sexcapade.

I felt my partner might have been getting a bit too involved and I had to remind him that I was not in the market for anything more than what we had.

I do not think he took it well.

Actually he didn't because we said we should cancel our hook up session after he tried to bait me into having a fight about nothing.

And I said okay.

so why has my darling been calling me, round the clock? and messaging me? and sending me voice notes?

I think he is surprised I am ignoring them.
but to be fair.
All I want is good sex with minimal emotional labor.

the reason I had to remind him that we were not anything concrete was that he had spent friday night dragging me around Lagos and I kinda wasn't interested.

Oh ALSO, one of his friends invited me and him as a Unit - Unit because the word couple gives me hives- to dinner at his house. And that really freaked me out.

Because ya girl is not emotionally mature enough to know how to be friends with the men she has causal sexual relations with.

So I might have panicked.

I mean I knew this whole thing was going to end, I just didn't think it'd end with him trying to literally finesse me into ship of sorts.

Also I just realized how difficult it is to get a reaction out of me, these days.
Like I was uninterested.
Me 3 years ago would have written an essay trying to convey, poorly mind you, how and why I hate certain actions.
But now, I'm just like "Okay".

In the words of Kanye west, you can either leave or live with it.
There is no need for non stop deliberation on issues that will never change.

That being said.
I will miss having such delicious sex.

Like hayyyy.
My vagina is heart broken.

Monday, July 23, 2018

Ice ice baby

Do I come across as cold?
I mean I figure a good number of my readers have followed me for donkey years and they'd know if I was a cold person or nah?

So since all good things come to an end or at least get a break; I got my period over the weekend putting paid to all the delicious sex I have been having.
Now since I am an idiot, and not very adulty I kept avoiding my sexual partner, because casual period sex for me- issa no no.

Anyway after insistent messaging, I gave in and decided to see him after my day.

And since there was no sex to be had, we had to have conversation.
And so I mentioned that I had been married before and I have an ex husband and I am technically still married because my divorce isn't concluded yet.

And he was like oh. Is that why you are cold?

I'm like excuse you??!

Anyway I rolled my eyes and he starts to explain about how sometimes we might be talking on the phone and I abruptly get off the phone. Or how I shut down conversation regarding myself, and how I'm always so tight lipped.

And so I asked,  " does this Ice seep into the sex?"
He said no
and I said, we are done here.

If the sex is warm what are you worried about?

Also is it rude to tell someone who might possible like you, and who you do not like much but enjoy having sex with them that, you just wanna have sex with them indefinitely?

Because beloved, I'd hate to loose all this prime sexing over a little imagined ice.

PS: I had someone coming from America and instead of ordering sanitary towels like I usually do, I ordered 4 dozen condoms.
If I am not finished, I have no idea what I am.
*whispers under breath* I am not finished in Jesus name

Birthday Project

decided to stop calling my birthday documentary a Vanity doc and started calling it a birthday project. First of all, this thing is expe...