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Saturday, January 7, 2017

Hair

Slighty excited and nervous about new job.

Also what to wear on first day AND what to do to my hair!!!

Keep my hair cut. Tweak it a bit OR,

Get braids

Or get an actual pixie cut.

Plus I let someone use my card and now, complications on charges.

Truly getting tired of being a good person.

Also forgetting to protect myself more.

February will come and I will do better.

All in all freaking excited! 🎉🎉🎉

Still haven't drawn up my budget for the year and month but  ok.

Maybe after next week.

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Prayer

and small fasting ( because they go hand in hannnnd)

But ( OMG I am so over talking about this because I swear I sound like a broken record), but
Brcxause of how much I prayed for this one thing last year, I sort of didn't appreciate how flipping perfect my life actually was.

Today is drafting my 2017 themes ( shout out to sisi on a budget for the road map) and the themes just show me how actually pleasant 2016 really was.

New job= more money.
I have more and more clothes to give away= which means I went and bought more in 2016 ( still giving them out)

Also I'm yet to curate my capsule for my new job, I don't know If I want to be all short dresses OR just generally pretend when I get there then show my true colors after 6 months with my short dresses,

What I really wanted to ask/ write about when I typed in that title is how to go from praying for one thing so desperately and getting a No, to just getting back into prayer generally.

I might sound showoff-y but y'all read my blog so you aren't surprised but- bad things generally don't happen to me.

So yah.

Anyway please send me your prayer requests so I can have something to pray about?

Because I hate how lackluster I am about having something to really depend on God for.

And because one of the themes I want in 2017 is that whole " And David inquired of the lord " stance   Before I take any steps towards any thing.

I'm going to want to be like God- how do we feel ( we bring you obv) about this step? Is this a Yay or a Nay? Or a wait you aren't ready.

I guess what I'm really really asking is how to find my way back to praying and hearing from God as easily as I did when I was fasting and praying nOn stop in 2016, now that I have nothing to fast and pray non stop about?

Hint: I know the answer is to fast and pray.

But when I start to pray, I have nothing to say.

Help.

No really  send me an email if you know how to combat this. It's 2017 and I'm not interested in taking any L's this year so please ehn.

Hit that contact me button and let loose if you are shy to comment.

Also I promise I don't bite.

( sometimes )

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

2016 reviews and all that good stuff

Ah 2016.



That bible verse is what 2016 was for me really.

and it a damn shame I didn't even know it till I stumbled across it last night.

And then I knew it was time to write this post.

Soooooooo


2016 was delicious and sad but mostly happy times.

I went to cape town in May to watch my friend get married to the love of her life! *insert balloon emoticons here*

Then went to Lebanon to have what I would always refer to as the best holiday OF MY LIFE.

(truly Liban was perfect- all this they are fighting stories always so extra with it)

I also went to Dubai & Abu Dhabi. ( I would totally have to go back), because I didn't finish doing all the things I wanted to truly do.

Now for the sad part, you know how I said I was trusting God for something earlier in the year and praying and fasting and putting all the positive vibes in the world out?

Yah.

It didn't pan out quite like I expected.

Infact the outcome was so far removed from what I expected that I'm still just like WAWU.

But totally taking it one day at a time. You know, because how else is there to take such things?

I mean asides the belief that all things will work out for my good and all that jazz, God is really intentional about the things he does.

On to new beginnings.

New job starting first week in Januaryyyyyyyy.

Are we excited?
YASSSSSSSS.

I just read through my posts this year and realized how hard I prayed for a different outcome than my current reality and I'm like wow, me not getting this thing must be like a blessing in disguise.

Because I'm trying to think if I have never wanted anything so much, that I prayed so much about it. And still did not get it.

Totally unfair.

But I guess it is what it issssssss.

Now I have lots of people asking me if I am heartbroken?

LOL.

I know for a fact, I am not heartbroken.- a little sad at how things played out.

I have been heartbroken and the symptoms are all the same.
Random breakdowns in public places, constant non stop messages with my friends about the situation almost akin to picking at a scab and finally the crying in my sleep.

Seriously I would dream I was crying, and wake up choking on my tears.

and also the random 50 page text messages I would send out at 4am in the morning -once I awake from my sleep crying sessions.

So no I am not heart broken.

If anything I'm slightly irritated and can not wait for this to blow over so I can pretty much move on with my life.

In 2017.

I do not know if I have any resolutions per say.

I just want to find a variation of my whole 30 meal plan that I can adopt fully into my life and sell my adult coloring books in peace, and have my skin look like walking photoshop.

And offcourse my vacations, I'm thinking of doing lots of africa travel in 2017 soooo, Madagascar, Mauritius, Morocco, Senegal, Seychelles, maybe Kenya & Ethiopia.

with the usual America to use my visa obviously and london because wagamama.

I enjoyed being intentional in 2016 and in addition to that in 2017 I'm leaving one sided relationships behind.

This means if you are my friend and you have blocked me on instagram (yes sub), please get out of my whatsapp messages because I am never doing you any favors in my life ever again.

This also means If I have heard that you are badly behaved and you are out there talking about me and my business because you have been privy to my inner circle gist. In 2017 -actually starting from when you read this post, please ehn, do not call me ever again. (yes sub)

and finally Finally FINALLY, if you have taken sides, please I'm using God to beg you. be principled enough to stay away from me.

I just want to drink 8 glasses of water without drama in my life, so my skin can shine and I can make money in 2017.

Anything else is Jara from  God. Truly.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Xmas

I'm feeling all sorts of meh the closer we get to Christmas, because this is not how I envisioned the whole thing to pan out.

Actually this is not how I envisioned 2016.

I legit went from fallinb( and being) in love to drunk and falling apart.

I even took a 30 day break fro, alcohol because I did moh want a dependency.

Anyway I'm feeling very meh. About lots of things

The first is that I am yet to get any presents , for xmas,

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Update

It is with a heavy heart, I am forced to concede defeat.

The 30 day writing challenge well.

there are 365 days in 2017, I will try again.

I was out of town for a week visiting London and finally DXB!

while I truly really liked Dubai, It is such a soulless city.

Or maybe it was the head space I was in (which I am still in).

I'm worried I'm causing my mother a lot of pain and its causing me pain and I wish there was something I could do to help her.

Actually I'm not worried, I know I am causing her pain, because she sent me an email today saying-

I have been in a lot of pain since you made this decision.

And that broke me.

I did not cry, which is strange. I'm guessing I am cried out.

You know how I used to enjoy crying. Like I could just sit and cry?

Now I loathe crying.

Totally. hate it.

So I do not do it as much as I would.

Also because I'm all cried out as I said.

None the less!

Also I'm finding that material things are not consoling me as much.

I literally bought maybe 5 items and gave my sister all my money to buy things.

Strange. ( I used to be such a buyer)

Also maybe I have too many things?- My mother surely thinks so.

Tomorrow is another day.

I'm getting my hair done.

And I'm getting my dress fitted for Debo's wedding on Saturday.

Ps: My friend Debo's who I talk about all the time's birthday was yesterday.
Today was his traditional wedding( But I'm working because clearing my desk)

and Saturday- I PLAN TO FINISH THEM. 

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Fingers. Hair


I did not want to write about fingers because they bring back the most delicious thoughts of my most salacious activities in the worst possible way. But fret not, I have not done porn yet.

I have the most complex relationship with my hair and fingers.

In that I Love fingers running through my hair.

But lately I haven't wanted anyone running fingers through my hair.

Or anything really ( I may be lying- but who cares?)

I recently found out that I liked holding hands and  linking fingers with people.

Which is truly strange because I actually hate leaving my hands in people's palms?

Lots of things are so strange these days.

My hair is the shortest I've had it since birth and now I'm liking holding hands.

For someone who is swirling in confusion, I quite like it.

for the first time in  a long time, I made..

Never mind what I made.

Just don't run your hands through my hair anymore.

Because that ship has sailed, and left you behind.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Villain. Sister. Drunk


What makes someone a Villain?

Is it the bad things they do to the protagonist in a story?

Or is it the fact that they never get to tell their own story?

My relationship with my only sister has been for lack of a better word stressful.

And sometimes I wonder if that makes her the villain in my life's story.

She constantly moves my things around; she takes what I specifically tell her NOT  to take,

But I do not think it makes her a bad person, because villains are not one dimensional.

They are living, breathing sometimes drunk people who do shit to stress you out.