Saturday, April 30, 2016

The comfort of Old friends

Last night I walked to my office car park to get a cab home AND I heard someone call my name.

Turned out to be my friend/ neighbor/ sisters ex boyfriend/ confirmation partner from way back.

So I'm excited you know. I tell him about my sisters upcoming nuptials. He feign's being upset. We laugh about it.
And he says what are you doing where are you going?

So I'm like I'm going to meet my sister at the mall and see a movie and he is like no don't get a cab, I'll drop you BUT drinks first?

I'm like hmnnnnn. Okay.

So we head out.

And I just realized how easy it is to speak to someone who has known you forever. Without guile. With no pretense like they know what you are going through and he is like are you okay? 

And I'm like nah. And he said you are still mad about XYZ? And I'm like livid. And I'm not even crying you know?

I'm just talking about why I'm upset. How the whole thing is playing out. And he gets it.  He really does.

And it's such a relief. Like no walking around on egg shells. We talk about probably solutions. We arrive at none.

But it's good to just talk you know?

He teases me non stop about all the weight I'm loosing. It's too much. You'll never be fat. 

He turns to his friends who went to drinks with us- I've known her over 15 years and she has never been fat.

She is crazy.
And in that solitary moment I'm thankful.

Like really grateful.

That I can go out and have drinks and grilled fish with this man that isn't trying to stick his penis in my vagina.

I am elated. 

My sister calls and I tell her, we are still here. I won't be coming because we just ordered Asun. ( it was bland) but the company more than made up for it.

In the car his princess calls. 
His face lights up! 

And he asks her- have you eaten?

Obviously I'm mute( because I'm not about to have him undergo the Spanish Inquisition of why there is a woman in his car)  but if I could I would have combusted from the emotion of being so cared for. 

And I wasn't even the one he asked if she had eaten.

#sidebar I currently have a love hate relationship with food Right now so it might not be the right question to ask me.

And as we sat and chatted and listened to music from my iPod.
It felt like everything was going to be okay. 

For the first time in a long time. 
He also said that it might not be such a bad idea to be flexible. Being rigid about the process is not all that.

There are so many ways to get what you want, he said. 

And I know right you you think it can't work, but I have never lied to you, and I won't start now, but you have done more  that enough to prove yourself.

And if I could have burst I would. this the healthiest amount of platonic love I had felt in ages.

Not Everytime freaky little flirt.
Sometimes honest heart to heart conversations with men who have known you forever and believe that you can do it. 

So C.

For last night. Thank you AND see you at the wedding! 😘

Ps- YC's omo Alhaji has me twerking all around like a stripper in KOD! I love it. 

Friday, April 29, 2016


That there is a difference between a rough patch & depression.

Somedays I wake up & I am throughly discouraged.

Like I can not even do the day.

I grossly dislike my job & I do not like how my life is panning out. ( sometimes).

But in as much as I know how to keep my mouth shut- I am learning that you really need to not be too excited and over gist your partner.

Let me tell you.

So I have staff I work with & so on, and on my last assignment. one of them said oh I have a huge crush & you /like you.

And that day the person mans the fresh meat stand & grand square, was so kind as to give me more than I paid for. :)

So I got home & was gisting away and mentioned it in passing.

Dearly beloved. To wear eyeliner to work now- I will get at least 2 side eyes because I am dressing up for my office boyfriend.

*insert eyeroll here*

That being said beach party this weekend.


I even had a new kaftan made.

I am giving out most of my clothes because- HONESTLY less is more.

and I hardly wear them anyway so.

Plus I have actually lost so much weight that the clothes & literally hanging off my body.

Co-workers keep asking what I'm doing.

PLease do you not see how I eat like a rabbit.

I currently have 2 lines on my abs.

Not trying to have rice to ruin it. :)

Meanwhile got my visaaaaaa! * squeal*

Off to South Africaaaaaa *spins*

LOL Am I a bad person for not buying aso-ebi for the lagos wedding BUT then travelling to cape town for the white wedding?

If your answer is yes. Keep it to yourself.

I want to cut down on my expenses & save more money so that I can take out time to look for another job.

Trying to go a daily analysis of how much I spend & I need a new budget.

For real.
No way I'm spending this much money.

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Weepy ( but the good kind)


As I said the good kind.

So this morning my house guest was like are you okay?

And I'm like SULKKKK- I do not want to go to work today. This current assignment is so hard.

Him- They work you so hard you should be used to it by now.

Me- This one is extra hard AH!.


So yesterday on my commute to work ( current assignment is on the mainland), A boyz II men song came on and I started leaking tears.

And I am like OH SHIT.

*back story*

A friend of mine just finished off with a pregnancy scare and I might have participated in one of those "OMG did you cum inside me sex sessions/ I'm not sure/ take the pill/" and you might have guessed right. I did not take the pill.

So I turn off the radio as I descend into oworo, and say a quick prayer like God please.

Anyways my boobs had been heavy for a hot minute so I had been saying I'd go and get a strip.

(saying and never doing)

So when I got weepy. I was like oh LORD. Please let me not be pregnant.

NOT right now ( I mean later obv)

And I was just feeling like oh gosh. Then I got to work found prime parking & felt better.

Fastforward to this morning.

Woke up and got my period.



Because - vain I know but I have just lost enough weight for even Eros to acknowledge and we all know how much of a hater he is.

I must confess that I also came across a thread on twitter about people on birth control/pull out method/ condoms and they were ALL either pregnant or with babies.

You guys.

You do not know relief till you are pregnant in your head and your body is like trick not this month. you good.

I am so excited also because I'm finally at this 28 inch waist line and I'm getting this lace black waist snatching dress made.

You can not grow a baby inside you with a 28 inch waist line.

And oh lord. the thought of being a pregnant bride.

I just want to send a quick shalla to Baba God for picking my call & giving me the all clear this month.

If anyone is coming back from Houston please help me.

I have two lipsticks & a dress stuck there. I am at my wits end on how to get them.

who wants to help me?

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Self Preservation

When I was about to get married, EVERYBODY. and I mean errbady and their one eyed dog gave me marital advice.

I was gracious enough to receive it smiling, but most of it was along the lines of " Cater to your husband, pander to his every whim etc etc" I actually asked someone if he had given Eros stern warning to look after me.

He laughed and said- Just do the one I'm telling you . But I digress.

My aunt called me and said that she wants to tell me something and that as I am getting married, It is something I need to remember.

I internally rolled eyes, because here was yet another wife of my family coming to tell me to pander to my husband.

What she told me has been an antithesis of everything Everyone told me. And I will share it with you.

She said when she got married, she had a job, and her husband was doing his own thing; Just like you and your husband she laughed.

She said she would wake up, do school runs, go to work, run back to school pick up her kid after school, settle him at home; then go back to work. And come home and cook and clean and fuck her husband.

And it was not like she minded, because what mother or wife does not want to drop of her kid, or cook for her husband but you cant and shouldnt buy into the myth of Super woman.

Me- Side eye.

She said she had asked her husband to relieve her on afternoon pick up and he said nah- shey she has been doing it, go and pick him abeg, I'm busy.

And so she was carrying her cross jejely in peace.

Till one day.

She said she was sent to Niger for work abruptly. She had to drop her kid off and go straight to Niger but assumed she would be back same day.

She was stuck in meetings so her husband could not reach her. She was stressing about how would her kid get home, what would he eat.

Eventually she spoke to her husband, he was LIVID, Like where are you, why didnt you pick up the phone, the school called and I had to go pick up our son.

Her- I'm still at work.

Him - Fumes *repeat till fade*

Plot Twist, she did return same day and was actually holed up in her sister in law ( my other aunt's house); who told her she was mad for that schedule she was running and she would soon break down and she should sit it out, the house would run without her presence. And this was her deliverance from Afternoon school run.

She went home the next day , and life continued as usual except she didn't do afternoon school runs again.

She told me, when you get married, you want to bend over backwards and please your husband and do almost everything to make his life a comfort.

And you will find that no one is looking out for you and you are burning out.

You need to incorporate some self preservation so you do not completely loose your essence because- married.

And I was like- (in my mind obv) see bad market.  This one wants to come and scatter marriage that hasn't even started.
I'm finding that as I go along, she was right.

She knew what she was saying.

And I am thankful that I got deliverance before even starting the Journey. Hence all the- but aren't you a married woman story. But that is neither here nor there.

The advice allows me to live a guilt free life that society tries to impose on young married women so that they sit on a moral high horse & remain generally unhappy.

My aunt died last week.

Under 40. with two kids under 10 and a husband who I know is how hopelessly lost.

They had been dating from Jamb lesson.

I cant quite call my uncle to tell him sorry, because, what do you say?
And how do you say it?

Death is such a horrible reminder that- Life is short. And comes fast at you. And I must live life to the fullest.

Rest in peace, Ewy.

You will be sorely missed & you will always be deeply loved.

Saturday, April 9, 2016

You do not look one bit stressed

A co-worker cooed to me on friday while I frantically searched for an A4 envelope.

I smiled. bemused.

I have 4 accounts pending.

My manager would not come and review my work

My agent is DRAGGING his feet to send me ticket reservations,

I am 2 weeks away from just going around and shopping my CV.

And my mother is just fussing over this whole wedding thing.

I told the girl- Look I am stressed.

Hmn she replied, your skin is clear sha.

Me- Thank you.

Hers not so much.

Friday was crazy. somewhat.

Had a meeting that would usually be a breeze somehow turned into a rainstorm of shit.

Finished from there and I realised my tank light was blinking.

Called my brother in law, and he gifted me half tank.

I mentioned I needed to service my car.

He was like girl- You are lucky you came, your engine might have knocked. for some reason even after using 7k/gallon engine oil. I am still finding sludge in the tank.

Whatevz we reverted to Quatro.

I find that adulting is really just an advanced game of opportunity costing.

For example- The money I spent on the car, was the money I had planned to use to get a wig made while I decide on what to do to my hair.

No I would have to carry these two plaits about for the next two weeks.

#unbothered really.

Meanwhile- Won another give away!

and took Eros to the saloon for a mani pedi. Sesh.

I swear luxury is hard to achieve in Nigeria. If its not your staff screwing you over, Its Nepa not carrying the AC in your shop.

But still we move.

really intrested to see how long the nail polish stays before chipping.

I might have a newly developed fear.

What fear- Children/ babies/Actually having them

Because while Draya's maternity shoot is giving me laiveee and is getting all the flame emoji's I am capable of posting.

The simple fact that having a child/children would totally mess up Eros's and I's house flow is my genuine worry.

For example. we get back home. eat. pick a movie. or snapchat for 30 minutes. and we just walk around naked and you know chill.

One day we were lying in bed and I was thinking oh lord a child will just come and disrupt our flow,

and he blurted out- Lets not have children yet. I am enjoying the aloneness with us too much.

I'm like pause Negro- Are you in my head.

Although I wanted to have all my kids before 30- Totally do able btw.

I just do not know if I am ready to trade in this type of Joy for the other kind.

And it scares me.


Shout out to pamela for getting me my new face mask ALL the way from the Amerix.

I love you.

I think I just realised how much food my body needs and the hours in which it works hardest in digesting said food.

That being said I am ready to go back to the gym. I'm lean enough now for general muscle building.

Also- The big short is such an amazing movie. I think I want to go into finance. FULL time.

Like invest and predict the market and what not.

This is why I refrain from watching TV.

I wanted to be a lawyer after watching all seasons of boston legal.

Speaking of TV. Downloading books to read in the next few weeks.

For some reason I have been feeling very unlike me.

I'm not reaching out. I'm severing ties with a lot more finality and I am spending my money much more wisely.

I think this is because the motto for 2016- I'm not sure but seemed a lot like intentional living for me.

So basically more business minding, more water drinking and more savings

because even though I am not ready to have a kid- WHEN I become ready. It's Amerix or nothing o.

Baba God hear your daughter.

And do it for your girl.

I am thinking of buying a book on amazon to be read on kindle. the thing is I actually want a physical hard copy.

But because Nigeria.

I do not see it being remotely possible.

Who knows how I can go about it.

Book name: Fervent by Priscilla Shirer

Ps- My two Didi's on my head are so cute.

Pss- Fashionista's in Lagos who read my blog where can I get a fur stole from?

Psss: Who has the connect for glass cutters in Lagos, Nigeria?

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Job searching and Lagos failing

FYI- Lagos fails to kill me everyday and every night I celebrate my success and next day we do it all over again.

Like Ra battling Apophis DAILY.

But since Victory is ensured. Whats my own? we will be there fighting.

I got tired of waiting for people to notice how amazing I am at my job and try to poach me, and decided to be more proactive.

You guys.

1st. I re-did my CV.

I would not ever tag myself as a creative BUT after that CV, no one would say I'm not a self starter abeg.

2. I had to print out my CV. So off to Doculand I went-

Lets just say that when I am dropping off my CV- I would issue them with a stern warning-

Like if you wont hire me, please do not take my CV, paper cost me 480/ leave to print this.

So again.

If you are not sure or your secretary will use it to fan herself/sell to iya risika to pack her akara PLEASE- I take God beg you.

Just tell me upfront and let me go my way.

3. I redid my linkedin.

The first person I "reached out" to, because he works in a company I had my eyes on.

Started toasting me.
Or maybe he was being overtly friendly.

Either ways. I was like * scratches head*, if You are not offering me a job, what do I need your phone number for?

So I was just trawling the interwebs and saw this:


Anyways- I took it as motivation from God to keep at it.

Job searching CAN be daunting. No jokes.

But so can lots of things.

I'm learning to you know- Take it as it comes,

Offer doesnt click- Maybe it was not meant to be. Like on to the next one.

Because taking it any other way- might just really really screw you over- mentally.

Also seriously thinking of seeking out my passion AND then facing it squarely.

except- HA, guess who doesn't know what her passion is?

I am so seriously TIRED. of my current Job.

I have no idea how or why-BUT  I am tired of it.

waking up and coming to it everyday has me like OH LORD. save me.

Saturday, April 2, 2016


I have been saying I would write everyday.

Everyday I do not write,

But today I want to invite you guys to celebrate with me that Nigeria has not killed me.

Irrespective of how much it tries.

Case in point Gtbank.

I just want to close my account & go.

Please let me go- AH!

2nd FRSC. just so you guys know, it is cheaper for me to pay bribe, all year round, THAN to try to get a drivers licence.

But I am making a concerted effort to try to do the right thing.

To stop telling lies. and stop paying bribe.

I am really excited & happy. my ab lines are popping; my nails are growing back and I broke one and cut it all off and life is good.

There are still so many things I want to talk about, but is the time now?

I have no idea.

Waiting on God to come through for me with bated breath.

Meanwhile as a side bar- My older sister is getting Married! RAHHHHH!

It is so random how I am waaaaay more excited for her than me, Like *dancing* so excited.

now obviously because Nigerians like to help you to count and save your money- someone suggested that- WE GET MARRIED ON THE SAME DAY.

Look. just go back to the hole you crawled out from okay?

we are tayad.

Ah. Nothing generates unsolicited commentary MORE than getting married in Nigeria.

till now, I can not get over it.

2nd and 3rd. I need a new job.

And even though common sense and all the unsolicited commentary in my life is telling me to wait till I find another one to leave. July 31 would be my last day at work- where I currently work.

I know.

But that is what I am going to do abeg.

Emails at 1am

This week the love of my life Uloh was in town. Sooo we went out eating drinking running and just generally doing nuisancey shit around tow...