Thursday, August 29, 2013

I can not wait for septemberrrr!

Day 1:  The story of your life in 250 words or less (or one paragraph... no one will be counting your words... probably)
Day 2:  Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)
Day 3:  Things that make you uncomfortable
Day 4:  Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it
Day 5:  Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don't have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member
Day 6:  If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?
Day 7:  The thing(s) you're most afraid of
Day 8:  A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.
Day 9:  A moment in your day (this can be just a photo or both a photo and words)
Day 10:  Most embarrassing moment (s). Spill.
Day 11:  Sell yourself in 10 words or less
Day 12:  What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)
Day 13:  Issue a public apology. This can be as funny or as serious or as creative as you want it to be.
Day 14:  Ten things that make you really happy
Day 15:  A Day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day - this could be "a photo an hour" if you'd like)
Day 16:  Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it
Day 17:  A favorite photo of yourself and why
Day 18:  Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.
Day 19:  Five of your favorite blogs and what you love about them
Day 20:  Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.
Day 21:  A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives
Day 22:  Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. (a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)
Day 23:  Things you've learned that school won't teach you
Day 24:  Your top 3 worst traits
Day 25:  Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad)
Day 26:  Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.
Day 27:  A letter to your readers
Day 28:  Only pictures
Day 29:  Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post
Day 30:  React to this term: Letting Go
Day 31:  A vivid memory

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Hosting, posting and Washing

On wednesdays my friend debo plays soccer with a bunch of his friends.

I go to offer moral support and make snide comments from the side lines.

I love the energy there and even more than the energy- I like that I have something to do on wednesdays.

Last week, he was hungry and came through with a bunch of his friends to eat eba and okro after the game at my house.

-side bar: If I had to find my calling, I will swear Eba and Okro is somewhere at the top.

So I made the eba and Okro- and offered to make pounded yam for Kay- who I havent seen in ages!

Anyways one of his friends seemed surprised that I could host so well. Even more so because apparently- I come across as someone who can not be bothered to cater to other people.


Nothing can be farther from the truth- while I have shut my doors to many people in my life- not because I hate them but simply because I am yet to find out who I can trust with my business- and right now the answer is no one.

That as an aside- I am a fabulous hostess. I might possess a career path is beer - palour-y and what not- all I need to do is learn how to make nkowbi and I am set for life.

I have also found extra amusing the incessant need that people have to post other people.
posting means to keep stringing someone along indefinitely till you are satisfied.

And because I can not understand how you as a person can you even have a certain mapped out plan for your life I can not seem to take you seriously. I would not even pretend to try to.

That as an aside.
What I find most amusing is the non stop washing that goes on in Lagos state.
I have a 9 -5 which might be an internship but I get up and go somewhere everyday.

But when I meet a male who at 5pm when I have closed from work is still in his pyjama's and is crying entrepreneur. seems like a valid scam to me.

More than a valid scam- seems like a lazy bastard telling lies. about everything.

Now I am not saying every entrepreneur is lazy and a scam artiste because he is in his pjays at 5pm after I have spent the whole day at work.  There must be something in my subconcious that makes me so vary of such washer men.

I do not even know how to handle such people but just to give them space.

If you want to lie- take the lies to people who can be bothered.

I personally have had enough lies to last ten life times.

Anyways- What have you all been up too?

I found a bag I have been wanting to buy in such a delicious mint color! I am so pleased!

I can not wait for my new clothes- so I can start carrying the bag.

I am at such a good place- I have found that in the end, you will be fine.

Eventually- at the end, we will all be okay.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Who you should marry.

You should marry your brother or cousin.

But a close cousin.

In fact, a 1st cousin.

I think Abraham knew what he was doing when he gave Issac to" Rebby baby girl"*

Why should you marry your brother?

Because then you do not need a new family. Your old one will suffice.

You never have to learn how to greet your husbands mother- because I mean you have been greeting her all
your life a certain way.

You know what else? Your mother will never wake up at 3 am to pray for the salvation of your husband to be.

I mean- You guys already attend the same church/ mosque.

Which means if you are catholic, your husband will never have to sign away his rights to raise his kids how he  likes to the church.

If you marry your cousin- your aunty becomes your mother in law.

I can give you a million and one reasons why this would work, pure blood lines, no half blood princes etc etc etc

But most importantly- the off chances of loosing the one you really love to religion or tribe differences - totally eliminated.

Okay- maybe same aso-ebi during the wedding is more important.

*= Rebecca in the bible was chosen to marry her cousin Issac as all the other girls around were heathens.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Good God.

b-ismi-llāhi r-raḥmāni r-raḥīmi

In the Name of Allah, the most merciful, the most Beneficent.

Merciful: adj: To show mercy. To be compassionate.

1Compassionate treatment, especially of those under one's power; clemency.
2. A disposition to be kind and forgiving: a heart full of mercy. 
3. Something for which to be thankful; a blessing: It was a mercy that no one was hurt.
4. Alleviation of distress; relief

Beneficent: adj:  Characterized by or performing acts of kindness or charity. 
Doing good or causing good to be done 
Generous or doing good.
Resulting in good.

Al-rahmani Al rahim.

Has become one of my favorite phrases.

I do not know much about Islam, but during ramadan, I took time out to search out the meaning of that phrase.

And I fell in love with it.

The Muslims say every prayer in the name of a God, who is merciful and compassionate to the children under him and a God who always causes good to be done.

I find it intricately beautiful.

That even though I am unworthy, the God I pray to is making sure everything is good for me- the most

I totally understand why the Muslims take prayer, seriously.

Because I would if I knew the person I was asking for anything is my corner the most, I would be talking to him all the time.

Bismillah Al'Rahman Al'Rahim

Monday, August 19, 2013

Black dresses

I appreciate honesty- no matter how crass.

Which is why I did not get mad when this Nigga told me how he wanted to fuxk me the moment he saw me in my black dress.

Since I love honesty- I might as well be honest.

I am here for honest Niggas.
I do not go out and learn how to booty pop and swing my hips seductively in sexy black dresses for girls to give their opinions.

I am very here for boys who like that I look sexy and are not afraid to say it.

However- keep a lid on it. Be classy about it.

However you wanna go about that- does not concern me.

But tell the truth.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Would you believe me if i said I'm in love?
I want you to want me.

Ps: This post is complete.

Thursday, August 15, 2013


I find that, I am not sure about the music I like anymore.

Whatever this change is- I like it.
I realised this because I am trying to make a cd for my car-

Turned in my paper yesterday and YASSSS I am about to TURN UP and paint LAGOS REEEEDDD.

Obviously, I am super excited.

How have you guys been?

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

TV morals

In as much as a love a good book, one of the most valuable life lessons I have gleaned was from a movie.

Domitilla to be precise.

Lesson in a nut shell - "ashawo no be work". Fuck around and get your head cut off.

If you do not like the message- talk to Fred Amata.

ps: for some reason, this movie is showing this month on DSTV.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

How many children do you want?

Last week, I ended up in the hotel room of a friend of a friend of a friend ( aka do not ask- I swear it was not runs sha)

 For the benefit of this post, lets say we were three, me, him/he, Heem.

So the conversation steered towards kids.

"I want two kids" I quipped.

He laughed at said " if I married you, i'll give you five".

I'll tie my tubes after two, I retorted petulantly.

Heem: I want like three kids. But if I get small money, maybe four.

me: Yimu

Heem: But if the money too bad, five.

me: get out of here.

Heem: if the money make water pass garri, bad as e bad, I will have one outside.

everyone erupts into laughter.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Elevator Ettiquette

I work in a sort of building complex with 12-13 floors and so I have to use the elevator.

I think Nigerians seem amused when you look them in the eyes and say- Good morning or Hello.

Even though I am not a morning person- I am quite cherry when I get to work plus its polite to smile and say hi.

I have noticed that people find elevator small talk uncomfortable.

3 incidents.

I was going down one day and I ran into a guy who is friends with a friend of mine- And I saw his ID card- and I started talking to him- he was ridiculously hostile- And by the time I finished he was smiling- and I'm like- so why were you frowning before-= You think my 6 foot self is checking for your 5 foot nothing ass?

The other day I was coming upstairs when- The elevator opened and I said hiiiii. And some Nigga started lecherously smiling at me. And said so you do not know me. And I said err no. He said- But you said Hi- And I'm like- I stepped into this elevator, off course I said hi. And we all started laughing. Apparently- you only say hello to persons you know in this building.

Today- I was coming in and an elevator was leaving, I waved them away- because
1- I did not feel like running
2- I did not feel like running
3- I did not feel like running for the elevator.

So I waited and took another one.
#sidebar in my building there are 4 elevators 2 are akin to flying british airways ie. they are posh- have see through doors and people who sit in them all day and man the elevator.

The other two are akin to sosoliso- they haven't been renovated and all that- they seem like death traps.

Anyways the next available one this morning was a sosoliso-esque one so I jumped in with another guy the doors started closing. As they were closing two ladies appeared- Did not ask to hold it, but out of the goodness of my heart I held it open for them. These girls came in and did not have the courtesy to say thank you. Offcourse I gave them both the look over- and then they mumbled Hello. to which I replied with another stinker side eye. They quickly looked away. While I kept staring at them. And when they got off on their floor, the relief in their eyes was evident.

side bar- I am not a bully.

Anyways these are my experiences thus far- Although to be fair- I have met people who are extra excited to speak to you. Like the guy who i struck up a conversation with by asking if he was fasting- and he replied by saying I look haggard abi? And we started laughing.

 I like easy meaningless conversations in the elevator. Makes the two second elevator ride almost worth it.

I don't care- I love it!

pss: You know the law course I am taking and attempting to write a paper on, its about Human rights abuse in the Niger Delta. It is horribly sad. It breaks my heart every time. And the kind of things I see, It is almost as though we Nigerians deserve to be treated the way we are treated by other people/countries.

Today for the first time in the long time- I considered seeking a dual citizenship. I know, I know.

Proudly Nigerian but the need to stay alive is more important.

pss: I am sure in hind sight, Ken saro Wiwa would have supported Ojukwu in his Biafran quest had he known the same Nigeria he fought to keep was the same one that had him killed.

Urgh and now I have deviated. Oh well.

Friday, August 2, 2013


I Love this video.

I think it is so fresh and refreshing.

And honestly 1000 times a better video than I expected Olamide to put out.

Its looks like it would have been so much fun to make.


For some reason I can not upload the video. But you can watch it here



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