I think and therefore.. I might be losing my mind.

 Walk with me. 

I moved to north america seeking greener pastures and while it has been green, significantly greener than the green on the nigerian flag, HELLO I bought a whole 4kg salmon for $4. so its green. It has also been bleak AF for people of color. aka me.

Because I grew up in Nigeria, I never understood that whole white people are crazy racist thing till I moved here and I'm  like- BLOOD OF GOD. these mutherfuckers are actually racist AF. 

But who no go, no go know. so moving past it has really just been a function of building community but the realization has really radicalized me.

Which is why when Kamala announced she was running, I was like, wailing throwing up and falling to my knees in the parking lot of my real canadian superstore.  I'm not going to lie before I moved her my aunt who worked in the US but lives in canada and shuttles daily, used to complain about immigration moving mad during trump Szn. 

A cousin of mine got kicked out of the US even though she was there legally, Honestly immigration as a Nigerian was TERRIBLE during trump and Biden brought back drop box. All I'm going to say is- I'm learning there is little to no greater good in North America.

While I'm not disilusioned about the move, I'm more like what the fuck kind of life is this?

Moving here has radicalized me in a way that would never have been possible from lagos, such that I want to slap all the trump lovers in Yaba lagos because what the fuckare you people talking about?

Why is DEI in your mouth?

Anyway rant over. I'm obviously not losing my mind, but its annoying.

The thing that mostly annoys me is that I have fucking chinese & filipino people that can't string 2 sentences together talking about only God knows what. Honestly, my english is going through it in this country.

But its not all bad, I discovered a fantastic asian afrobeat DJ WHOOOOOOO is so good but obviously lacks cultural context because he was still playing Naira Marley in the club.

This being said, I actually love living here. I thought my life was great in Lagos- IT WAS, but my God its about to get greater, I can just feel it in my bones. Does this make any sense? I'm not someone who I thought her life will change much if she moved, but i literally play tennis mid week with my husband for an hour every week. Its such a fantastic BIG life.

Honestly God bless the me of one year ago that decided to finally move to Canada. While school is tough. It can never last forever so I know that one day- this too shall pass.

I miss my family so much, My siblings, my mum, my nephews & niece ( who graduated to big school??????) can you believe it? I miss seeing lagos babes all dressed UP. urgh the fashion in this city- abysmal.

I do love a good food haul though. And access to asian skincare on tap? no more waiting 100 years for delivery from  Korea? This God is too good I will praise him name forever.

But For real because two things can be true, I miss home so much, but I am forever grateful for this move. :)

Influence of Geography

 Stream of consciousness/ random rambling spurred by an insignificant happening that is now making me curious as to how much of your actions are influenced by what is acceptable in the area in which you find yourself living?

I have a non Nigerian friend who moved to Nigeria and I met randomly on a night out and we hit it off, anyway fast forward to drinks and her swearing vehemently about how she could never and scoffing at all the Lagos girls frockling with married men- because where she was from such things are frowned upon.

Fast-forward to 3 months later, she is telling about how she wants to go on vacation with a married man she has been seeing on , but her friends from her home country are telling her its wrong and Nigeria has changed her.

Her defence? They are not here, they do not see everyone doing it. When she asked me, I told her, in Nigeria, it is not a big deal, but you are not Nigerian so you might struggle so reconcile your actions with what you have been taught is the right way to be/ do things.

Anyway what is it about Nigeria that makes people lean into grey area's more than they would have if they lived anywhere else in the world? And it is not just the women with married men, its the Married men who come back here from the West and act so out of turn, I find it mildly amusing, but I am also slightly concerned because I know what erosion of a person's moral fibre can do to a person.

My friend thanked me for not judging her, and I was like- girl get in line. However, on the vacay she did not act like Nigerian girls and do one or two cryptic posts and call it a day, instead she has content for days and reels speaking about #softlife and blessings, and now I'm like girl rest.

Is there a way things are done in a place that make you adopt their practices whether or not they are at odds with your personal values? 

and why is Nigeria so prone to making people swing so far out and not recognize themselves? 

Also, is this something that people coming to Nigeria should be aware/wary of?

Masah Allah

I stumbled across this one instagram and flew to youtube to look for it.
This reminds me of the 2nd of January 2019 while I was lying in bed in Essaouria ( alone if I might add); I had just woken up and checked my phone of the results of my Exams.

Now the exams were good, but it was the second time I was retaking them so even though I was pretty confident, the exams were percentile based so my perfomance was gonna be graded against everyone else's perfomance as well. All of this is to say, that I was confident BUT also the tinest bit nervous.

Anyway I passed the exams as you know, but I was swamped with an overwhleming relief and then the Adhan started. I'd heard lots of it in Marakesh, but this one felt so different. So I laid in bed and listened till it was done.

And then texted and called everyone and tweeted.

Anyway I hope we are all keeping safe, and doing our best to social distance.

This week I listened to a podcast of a woman who said her dream was to work for the UN, which she started doing in Abuja, but then she got married had kids and is now a fitness coach for stay at home mothers.

And while I absoultely do not think becoming a stay at home mother is a bad thing, I was overcome with surprise and slight irritation by how quickly she let go of her life dreams to support her husband and nurter her marriage. She said she made a first class and she was the first person to do so in her department in her university because she knew that was her life's goal, travel around the world AND work in the UN doing international relations.

I say this as someone who had a front row seat to watchin my mother really go after everything she wanted including single parenting three children. That being said I realize not everyone has that zeal but at the same time I wish people wouldnt give up so easily and then say that them giving up is God's plan for them.

God's plan is to do exceedingly and abundantly more than you can ever imagine or dream. Which means our desires come from God.
So why are we playing small?

On sunday I was talking to my uncle and we were talking about earning, and I said I was buying some dollars and he said but you are technically unemployed, and I said actually I am unemployed, unemployed.
And he was like well but you are earning investment income and I said but it isnt my salary so.
I think people find it strange that I am comfortable being unemployed.

Which I find very fascinating. simply because for some reason if you are not gainfully employed people expect you to be panicked and maybe asking for hand outs. but it's really neither of those things for me. It's like I'm not working because I don't have a job. Thats it. Like when I get a job, I'll simply go back to working. I also think a big portion of who I am isn't tied to what I do for a living so it's not too hard to tell people that I am unemployed. because its simply what it is.


And I was in the shower thinking about that and I was thinking should I have told my uncle the number of months that I'd be able to go through unemployed if I wanted to and won't have to worry about money?

And then I also thought, about my relationship with God, and I told God, I really want to develop a relationship with you now that I am not in dire need of anything. I know that it's when your back is to the wall that people usually reach for God but I was like, look I'm in a good place I want to be in a good place with you now. I don't want it to be a situation of I needed this and I came to you.

And as I'm writing that, I'm thinking is the relationship you have with God better when its by choice or when circumstances have backed you into a corner and that's your only life line?
This lock down has slowed down everything and quietened everything in my mind and I can ask myself all these questions that I'd never have asked myself before, and has allowed me be comfortable with saying, I do not know, and I can sit with not knowing because I have nothing but time to figure it out. to untangle all the wires that have jumbled up while running around in the circles of lagos living.
so I guess we bobby valentino's lyrics "slow down I just wanna get to know ya' has some meaning.

Lagos state has lifted the ban tentative on May 4th. And I can't think of anything worse tbh. But my potential employers are going to get back to employing people so I need to get back to identifying what I'd want to do full time going forward.
And honestly I am at my wits end.
But I'm learning to trust that there is bigger plan for me. and its exceedingly abundantly more than whatever it is I imagine.

Hope all of you are well.
Oh and Ramadan Kareem to my Muslim brothers and Sisters.

Celibacy

How do yall work this celibacy thing?
I'm asking because I dunno again.

Bad things and Bad people

Sometimes you need a reminder that you know circumstances are just that - Circumstances.

They aren't defining points, neither are they labels. 

They are simply circumstances.

Last night I was out with T as is our usual tradition, my sugar baby text me.

And I went out to talk with him for  a bit, in a bid to disuade him I mentioned that I was currently separated from Eros.

He said

It's a bad thing to happen, but you are not a bad person, and it is important to remember this.

Out of the mouth of Babes.

If I could weep from relief I would have.

I mean I have friends till date who made the most off hand comments and hurtful comments about this but look at this underage baby giving me clarity.

Amazing.

As an aside: These Young boys have all the linessss.

Like I am equal parts impressed and amused at the same time everytime we have a conversation.

More Changes

You know how when things happen to you and you find yourself promising yourself that you will never change.

Like this thing would not affect me no matter what?

Yes?

But you wake up one day and find that except you are reluctant to learn from mistakes- You will keep getting burned.

Which explains why I have over 100 people on my bbm and I am scared shitless to talk to anyone because I have no idea where what I say will end up.

I never used to have this fear- I used to be okay with people I tell things telling their other friends sef.

I did not really mind.

Betrayal really screws you over. Now- I have no idea who I can talk to.

I guess I'll just write in my journal.

I do not like this person who is overtly secretive. I used to LOVE sharing things with the people in my life. NOW I am scared to carry out a conversation with anyone just so I know my shit is safe.

What kind of life is this?

Hopefully I'll over come this (maybe) irrational phase or maybe just like grief it is a phase when over coming betrayed confidence.

"The I want to trust you human beings- But ya'll are too fucked up for my liking" phase.

I think that is what it is.

Meanwhile I had the most delicious Friday night that I have had in a minute.

I saw Iron man three with my home girl and it was amazingggg- That movie left me so emotional.

Like.... * sigh* I was just screaming HAAAAAAYYYY through out. Plus I now even saw the  preview of fast and furious 6. I'm telling you guys that even if they make fast and furious up to 1000. I will watch.

I LOVE those action sequences and scenes. And let me point out that - the preview was FIRE!

After which we went to this house party and then ended up at this african shindig. House party was Ace. I think I am becoming a really good deejay. Don't ask me how.


Came home slept- woke up feeling the need to talk AND then boom this hits me.

Hope you guys have an amazing week- and remember, positive thoughts only! :)

Changes

Coming here, I have learnt one thing, and that is the most important thing that must be taught to children in school- unfortunately it isn't.

Actually, I have learnt a good number of things. not one thing.

Like I have mastered the art of painting my right nails with my left hand and as a result discovered the need and importance of practice.

Its pretty much wash. Rinse.Repeat.

That is what life is. And the more you do this the better it gets. Only if you are doing the right things.

Moving here 5 ( gosh its 5 months already) months ago- I was ready to cut anyone who was in my path- I did not want to make friends, I was not here for the people. Basically I was checking for no one. I wanted to go home * sigh* I complained and lamented and murmured because you know, that's what I used to do when ever I did not get my way- lament and bad mouth and so one and so forth- again wash rinse repeat.

But in the last couple of months I think I have mastered the art of being the bigger person. Well not really the bigger person but learning to let things go. It doesn't matter.

The world I came from was about grudges and who said what and who did this and saying ALL sorts of things. And I do not mean that figuratively, I mean it literally. I used to say ALL sorts of things.

But coming here and being along- forced me to re-evaluate my lifestyle.

Back home it was okay because everybody knew how I was anyways. But here I did not have the validation of " everybody back home" knowing who I am and telling me who I am.

Coming here- I kind of lost myself. I was not sure who I was or who I wanted to be or who I wanted to be perceived as.

Along the line I found out who I wanted to become. And I am not there yet BUT I am definitely not where I used to be - or where I am coming from.

The person I am not looks back at the person I used to be and thinks- How did people stand me. I see people who are exactly the way I used to be- I smile and say a prayer for them - that they become better people because the world is an inherently better place when we become better people.

Coming here has taught me to rise above my emotions. There were days when I did NOT feel like going to school for no just cause. Just because I did not feel like it. But I learnt to rise above that feeling of not wanting to go- and drag myself there.

There were days I made appointments and had no plans to keep them but because I have learnt respect for people's time, I would go. And if I was going to be late- I'd call in and tell them.

I say this because a huge part of my former bosses problem with me was my perpetual late coming.

I am not saying I never go late for anything again O! I'm just saying I have started to manage my time and my life and the words that come out of my mouth a lot better.

If there is one thing I want you to take away from this post- It is that in times of adversity- say NOTHING.

In my low moments in the past because of pain- I have said things that I could do without saying, things that had no business coming out of my mouth anyways. and because your words are seeds and they create your world- and you have to live in that world- urgh Lets just say I know and do better now.

Do I will feel like throwing fits- HAAAAY GOD! all the time. Working with people would do that to you. However do I throw fits- not really no.

Do I still feel like going on shopping sprees- Hell YES! Do I- not really, not anymore- I realise I hardly need all the stuff anyway.

I feel like coming here has helped me to rediscover myself, find out weaknesses and strengths I did not even know I had and how to work/ deal with them.

I have no idea why I am writing this- Maybe someone else who moved away from home is feeling as lost as I did when I first came here- I want to tell you- that it is okay. To embrace the change and rediscover your self and if you find the grace and love of God like I did in the process. all well and good.

But whatever you do- Continue to strive to be a better person. Always.

On Helping

Till I moved here- I had no idea how hard it was to ask for help

I hated it. If I could not do something, I would learn it- take the time and struggle till I got it right.

I used to think that was how I was wired. Now I realise it was pride.

Moving here to do a second degree was a major eye opener in how little I knew.

I came here to do an Msc in Energy Finance and instead I found my self taking Law courses and Economics courses.

I was LOST. to say the least. I mean I did some reading and all of that BUT you can not read for 8 weeks what someone else went to university and studied for under-grad. Needless to say I had to ask for help.

Did I hate it- Always. But the more I did it the more I realised life did not have to be so hard.

I guess that is what we are put on earth for- To help each other.

And this applied to my spiritual life as well. There are things I do not struggle with. Never have and hopefully never will while I have watched people- friends, enemies - people generally struggle with and I just thought they were so weak.

Like how can this small thing mess you up like this? I'd think to myself. Then I realised that the reason I did not have the same problems was not because I am a better person( even though I strongly believed it at the time) but because of the grace of God.

Which I would explain in details going forward.

Moral of the story is this- Ask. If you need anything. Ask. And not google. I mean google has a lot of answers but not all the answers.

And for me I know it might seem like so small, But this is such a huge realization.

Ask and it shall be given unto you. Close mouth don't get fed.

All of this is spurred by my Economics research paper which I knew nothing about but I have a beautiful topic as well as a fabulous methodology and I am currently wrapping up.

I am thankful to God. because without him all of this would have been extremely impossible.


:) Hope you guys have a great week.

Remember to give today. and this week- there is so much poverty around. It would not hurt to bless someone out of our excesses. It could be time, money or even knowledge. Give a little.

Musings

I am not sure if I like preparing AFS's.

Like I can do them- which I am thankful for- but I'm lowkey beginning to detest them. lowkey.

Like repetitive dot com.

Thanks to spell check my spelling is actually getting worse.

I can not believe my birthday is here. Again- Already. LOL.

Time literally flew by this year. I am so looking forward to the induction. My friend is being inducted as well, so I have someone to sit with and crack silly jokes with.

Also I get two tickets to invite whoever I want. Since Mother dearest sits on the council. She would be there any way. Me on the other hand- I do not have two people to invite.

I wonder about the nature of people I have as friends, Or my nature in fact. How can I say I do not have two people to invite.

Actually I feel like I do not know two people who are friends but are important enough for me to include them in my induction. - excluding the lover off course.

Does this make me a bad person?

Maybe I hold people to such a high standard I subconsciously treat them like they wont ever meet up.

Or maybe- I do not want to get off my moral High horse.

Or maybe I have too many friends are are patron saints of loose lips and I don't to feed them fodder for thier disciples?

Or maybe I am so influenced by Nigerian movies that I am unable to share my successes with others but close family?

Or maybe I really am just a bitch- who stopped giving a shit ages ago.

I have decided to invite My mother and My sister.

When in doubt- Family. as shitty as they come- they never disappoint when it comes to important things.

Like taking Tuesday off to drive to Amuwo and just faff.- Listen to boring lectures and clap when I get called on stage.

Again- I am a horrible person. Sometimes I forget this. But on days like this- when I have to pick my brain and come up with things like this. I realise either I am terribly terrible OR terribly honest.

Because lets face it- I can not possibly be the only one who has these train of thoughts sometimes.

I have been so tired of late- I find it impossible to wash my face before going to bed.

or to change my clothes. or to even drive to work.

Two days in a row, a driver has had to bring me to work. I feel so drained. physically.

I am so super tired.

Must be the strain from all the flexing in port harcourt.

But good news- My mother said my skin is clearing.- She always says that about my skin.

Not like I have excellent skin, ours is just a case of land of blind.

My sister, Mother & I all have terrible skin. oily and acne prone. But amongst all three- I have been able to manage mine and keep it at the barest minimum thanks to mostly unsolicited advice from random strangers and internet forums.

I'm babbling- bottom line is this- in the land of blind one eyed man is king. that is the only explanation  plus I'm dark skinned. Dark skin wears acne and scars a lot better than light skin.

Now if only I can find an oil free moisturiser and a good powder for a dark skinned lady with a strong yellow under tone.

This birthday would be perfect.- Not like it isn't already.

I have achieved all I have set out to do a year early. Now I have to set new goals to fulfil myself.

Clearly a good amount of my self worth is hinged to my personal successes.- Only because I have no idea what else to hinge them on?- Faith?, Relationships?, Friends?, Personal belongings?- Probably because those things all have determining factors beyond my control, BUT achieving my goals- all on me. And I have made it a point of contact to deliver consistently- not for anyone really. more for myself. I live for meeting dead lines. and glasses of moscato with the lover at 3am in the mornings.

Does this make me strange? Possibly. We can't all be the same now can we?

*makes mental note to order 6 bottles of moscato*

Random culture shock and sex

"Prostitution in and of itself is an abuse of a woman's body. Those of us who say this are accused of being simple-minded. But prostitution is very simple. (…) In prostitution, no woman stays whole. It is impossible to use a human body in the way women's bodies are used in prostitution and to have a whole human being at the end of it, or in the middle of it, or close to the beginning of it. It's impossible. And no woman gets whole again later, after.”

- Andrea Dworkin

Today I got teary eyed when asked why I do not speak Yoruba.

Its so simple that I live with my mother, who I have lived with alone as an only parent for almost 15 years does not speak Yoruba.

She speaks Isoko which we speak along with pidgin at home.

But I think what really threw me off, was the suggestion that the person who asked me wanted to get me a Yoruba lesson teacher. I can stand the sarcasm and caustic remarks. But the kindness is strange and not necessarily unwelcome. It is just strange.

I can not wait to get married to my Non Yoruba husband and drop my Yoruba 1st name for my Isoko Middle name. Infact Maybe I should have people call me that.

But the strain of correcting people every single time on the proper pronunciation. 

I am finally applying to ICAN for my membership, I have been faffing for almost 3 years now.

It is about damn time.

The quote above is something I need every woman needs to carry around. You can run up mileage on your pussy and be mad that you aren't whole.

There was somewhere I read about sex being different for women because it takes place in her body. Men can come and go but women are stuck housing whatever goes on.

Womanhood is the gift and the curse.

What is it with co-workers asking what you bought them from holiday?

WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?

forget I have been back for a month now.

Like the hell?

The singledom

My darling.
There is more to life than dating someone.
I suggest learning to be alone.
Enjoy your company- Then you can remind yourself how much you like it when " awon aye"
make stupid comments about not dating.

Plus why would you want to date so soon after a split anyways?

I think you would want to enjoy the freedom and all the space and free time.

So you can go into the studio or do whatever it is you wanted to but couldn't because you-  had to be with the boo.
Space is good. do not let anyone rush you into anything.
At the same time- Do be in a haste to turn away all suitors.
Align the deal breakers- and stick to what you can not deal with.

Have a good time and more sooner than later- Mr " He who shall put a ring shall show up"

- Clearly I am the queen of unsolicited advice.
I swear I need a talk/ reality TV show- these nuggets of wisdom can not go to waste.

Sometimes, I like to write.

I like to churn out decent pieces and then discard them

or leave them sitting in my drafts.

Other times, I write to relive the moments shared with loved ones

Most times I write, Because I can.

And even when I do not get paid for it,

I do it because it is my release- after struggling with excel sheets all day.

I come here to just pour out what I feel, How I feel, when I do not feel like punctuating,

or spell checking, or googling facts, I just come here and spew forth my bull shit.

My friend from work resigned on friday- Just after we returned from SA, talk about awoof.com

LOL- I keep teasing her that she may have to refund her ticket money.

She laughs.

I like my new senior- at least the one I've had in the last 2 months.

She can scream at me, and in the next minute, we are abusing kim k.

She reminds me so much of my table facilitator- Claudia.

Anyway that is besides the point. Appraisal time is here, and yours truly is reluctant to send in her apprasials.

Why? Its been a fucked up half year- To say the least.

My 1st job this year was a mess, my manager was mean- and I was a weakling who kept crying.

Unfortunately or maybe fortunately for me- My second job was with the same senior who I worked on the same job with. And I brought my A-game.

I hate feeling like I have so much to prove, but I'm learning that I do have so much to prove, to myself, my senior and my various managers.
I also have to prove to bad-belle people in the firm that irrespective of my mothers relationship with the Big Bosses- I can hold my own in my own right.

And I think I am doing this quite well.

I've had only one major breakdown this year in Janury - and that was basically because, my then manager was MEAN.

But that isn't the point. APR's are here and I've been excited with feed back.

My favourite manager has told me to submit my APR. He promised to list of my audit outstandings when I submit it.

Speaking of APR's my counsellor is on leave. How apt. Especially with all the rumours swirling around the office- He managed to go on leave.

Speaking of leave- I need to go on another holiday- I know this would be the third one this year.

I am excited!

My Lovers neighbour was telling me yesterday how thankful he is- that he is male. He said " I doubt I would have been able to resist the pull of aristo"

Speaking of The Lover, We had breakfast on Saturday with my friend from work- same one who quit, and it was absolutely divine. It is one of those memories I will cherish to pull out and caress when I go to school.

And yes- I still intend to go to school, eventhough I am yet to send out my applications.

I think there is a demon involved. holding me back

and this demon has string affiliations with my fear of rejection.

Which is odd- Because I have no fears of rejection.

Its the least thing I worry about- Most times, I believe everyone wants to be my friend.

Is that odd? or a wrapped sense of entitlement?

My mothers birthday is coming- still no grand children, Just thanks and thanks and more thanks.

We are thankful to God.

Now what I really need to understand, is why Im sitting at work at 8:36pm blogging?

Why haven't I gone home?

Why am I strange?

and most importantly- Why does the Lover love me?

The last question is nagging in my subconscious terribly because he has told me " I don't know. I just do"

If I were not an accountant- I wont have felt the need to further probe.

I cant seem to figure it out, and its driving me craaaaaayyyyy- Especially seeing as I'm not a fixer.

Anyway enough of my aimless rambling- How is everyone?

and why the hell am I feeling what seems suspiciously like menstrual pain- Its not 30 days yet uterus, get with the program.

I swear I'm probably the only one on this earth, who doesn't count her days and doesn't carry around a tampon. What can I say- I Like surprises( I think)

even though getting stained by the red robot isn't my idea of a surprise- It is a pleasant surprise.

And oooh Comments!

I get one every now and then- Then you my kind people, while my blog posts are random and not necessarily designed to seek out comments- They are nice.  and I appreciate them.

and would soon develop some guts and start posting some around as well. Anyways thank you all of you that think I'm so bubbly!

Okay this pain is killing me. Gatta run!

Dilemma

How do I tell my mother
That I constantly stay away from the house
and come home late, or not at all

Because I cant stand my sister?

I feel terrible saying it. But it is true. I Love  like my sister- as much as the * insert something here*

But I don't think I want to be her friend.
Basically if I had my way- I would have little or no relations with her.

I mean- I'm sure she is a good person.

But we just are not meant to be.

How do I explain this to my mother without upsetting her?

Million Zimbabwean Dollar question.

Musings

The belief that because one person is your blood

Means they can only be your best friend is flawed.

Because in reality, your enemy lives in your house.

The end.

Thankful for friends who become family.

Although they are far and few between, coming from a family such as mine,

One cannot be too careful when choosing friends.

Happy place

I am at a happy place right now.

And it has nothing to do with payday.

It's satisfaction. That can only be derived from self accomplishment.

From something as little as making someone smile.

Or proving someone wrong.

Or letting everything just be in their own lane and you in yours, and waving when being wove (is that a word? Wove?) to.

Basically for someone like me who makes it her sole aim to be the rock for most of my friends - who never show appreciation.

Being in. Happy place is learning that people either friend or foe are generally forgetful and not necessarily ungrateful. I mean some are, but not all.

So I having learned this, I kinda never minded if a friend I was there for somehow managed to never be there for me. Or show appreciation.

However at my friends cook out/pop up restaurant thingy yesterday he was so thankful, and grateful and what not, I was actually surprised.

And I was happy, e en though I had learned that people are generally ungrateful.

His gratitude reminded me that doing good, can make me hAppy.

It's just odd.

That something so small can make me so happy.

It just goes to show how much God must appreciate our thanks.

Makes mental note to say thank you more often. To any and every body

Homosexuality.

and 4 other things.

not having a bathroom sucks.

what sucks even more, is forgetting you dont have one.

and even more than forgetting is the fact you have to wake up extra early since you are sharing.

too annoying.

BUT im thankful there is a roof over my head.

i really should stop complaining about petty things, makes me seem ungrateful.

and i am grateful.

Anyways on my way out, i saw an article that caught my eye on sunday's paper so i grabbed it

and decided i would read it in traffic.

this bit totally defines my stand on it.

"I have no capacity or justification to hate anybody because he is gay or she is lesbian. After all, am I a better human being simply because I’m not gay? Is sexuality the only standard by which men and women shall be judged? If I’m not gay but do not love my neighbour, does that make me a better human being? Is homosexuality the only thing God hates? Does God love lying, deceit, cheating, stealing, backbiting, treachery, pride, etc etc?"- Simon Kolawole.

you can read the whole article here

http://www.thisdaylive.com/articles/homosexuals-and-the-rest-of-us/102127/

Musings

I think we enable the men in our society to be dependents.

I look at my 21 year old brother, who is still living at home, who every thing is done for.

At 13, i was a frequent visitor to oyingbo market, i was cooking and what not.

I go to the market now sparingly because i have a maid( who is probably as useless as my brother)

But the point is, i was raised washing plates- that my brother used to eat

Making the bed- That he slept on

Sweeping the palor - that he and his friends came to play game in.

and basically picking up after him.

Infact my Mother would scream at me, if any thing happened to my brother.

And now she complains that he isnt accountable.

Because he has never been accountable for anything.

and all the while my mother would be screaming about how i intend to go and disgrace her in my husbands house if i burn stew.

One day im going to tell her" My husband probably cant cook -except indome- whatever i cook, he would eat"

- when i move into my husbands house off course.

So im wondering Who do we blame for men that are dependent, the men?

Or the mothers who babied them all their lives?

- This still applies to my grandmother and my Uncles, you should see how she pets them. *vom*