Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Changes

Coming here, I have learnt one thing, and that is the most important thing that must be taught to children in school- unfortunately it isn't.

Actually, I have learnt a good number of things. not one thing.

Like I have mastered the art of painting my right nails with my left hand and as a result discovered the need and importance of practice.

Its pretty much wash. Rinse.Repeat.

That is what life is. And the more you do this the better it gets. Only if you are doing the right things.

Moving here 5 ( gosh its 5 months already) months ago- I was ready to cut anyone who was in my path- I did not want to make friends, I was not here for the people. Basically I was checking for no one. I wanted to go home * sigh* I complained and lamented and murmured because you know, that's what I used to do when ever I did not get my way- lament and bad mouth and so one and so forth- again wash rinse repeat.

But in the last couple of months I think I have mastered the art of being the bigger person. Well not really the bigger person but learning to let things go. It doesn't matter.

The world I came from was about grudges and who said what and who did this and saying ALL sorts of things. And I do not mean that figuratively, I mean it literally. I used to say ALL sorts of things.

But coming here and being along- forced me to re-evaluate my lifestyle.

Back home it was okay because everybody knew how I was anyways. But here I did not have the validation of " everybody back home" knowing who I am and telling me who I am.

Coming here- I kind of lost myself. I was not sure who I was or who I wanted to be or who I wanted to be perceived as.

Along the line I found out who I wanted to become. And I am not there yet BUT I am definitely not where I used to be - or where I am coming from.

The person I am not looks back at the person I used to be and thinks- How did people stand me. I see people who are exactly the way I used to be- I smile and say a prayer for them - that they become better people because the world is an inherently better place when we become better people.

Coming here has taught me to rise above my emotions. There were days when I did NOT feel like going to school for no just cause. Just because I did not feel like it. But I learnt to rise above that feeling of not wanting to go- and drag myself there.

There were days I made appointments and had no plans to keep them but because I have learnt respect for people's time, I would go. And if I was going to be late- I'd call in and tell them.

I say this because a huge part of my former bosses problem with me was my perpetual late coming.

I am not saying I never go late for anything again O! I'm just saying I have started to manage my time and my life and the words that come out of my mouth a lot better.

If there is one thing I want you to take away from this post- It is that in times of adversity- say NOTHING.

In my low moments in the past because of pain- I have said things that I could do without saying, things that had no business coming out of my mouth anyways. and because your words are seeds and they create your world- and you have to live in that world- urgh Lets just say I know and do better now.

Do I will feel like throwing fits- HAAAAY GOD! all the time. Working with people would do that to you. However do I throw fits- not really no.

Do I still feel like going on shopping sprees- Hell YES! Do I- not really, not anymore- I realise I hardly need all the stuff anyway.

I feel like coming here has helped me to rediscover myself, find out weaknesses and strengths I did not even know I had and how to work/ deal with them.

I have no idea why I am writing this- Maybe someone else who moved away from home is feeling as lost as I did when I first came here- I want to tell you- that it is okay. To embrace the change and rediscover your self and if you find the grace and love of God like I did in the process. all well and good.

But whatever you do- Continue to strive to be a better person. Always.

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