Sunday, May 28, 2017


to touch base and let you all know that I am alive and fine just on vacation and enjoying the life of my head.

Also that I hate that maybe people are taking my graciousness for granted because I'm two seconds from reverting to a canine of female persuasion and relating with them in the manner suitable

Hope you are all well?

Tuesday, May 16, 2017


 NON STOP to this song.
Now I personally believe Mr Steal your girl/neighbors know my name
is all talk and no action
But this song.
This song is trying to make me lose my home training and just be badly behaved

we both know it's been too long
show me just how you feel 
before the song goes off.

about my vacation in T-X days
Because can not allow awon aiye to pull down the plane from the sky.

Spanish. But really only these words/ phrases
pero no hablo espaƱol
Mas Fuerte
Mas Rapido
Ay Si
Cuba Libre por favor
Magarita por favor

Virtual cookies and a real life cuban cigar for whoever can be bothered to pop the words into google translate and tell me what they mean.

Mentioning casually in passing
That I am going to Cuba on vacation along with Miami.

I know.
I've earned it please.

About the time when my finances will be a realistic reflection of the lifestyle my vacation photos are going to portray abeg.
Because Slightly broke, but still stunting on these hoes, but broke and on a budget and still flexing but sort of broke.


with the madness my body is doing right now.
No Jokes. spent almost 20 mins in the bathroom checking myself out.
My body is Body goals right about now.
My girl saw me in the bathroom and was like " Nah I'm jealous"
Can not wait to put it in a bikini and give them drake lyrics as captions.


-getting a professional photographer travel buddy?
- taking out these faux single strip lashes I installed that make me look like a baby dragon and won't let me wear sunglasses. They are THAT long. (but everyone at work seems to like them so)
- getting a brazilian before I leave
- if I have over packed for this trip?
-if I should go to Disney world, but memorial day weekend.
- if taking sand to the beach is a good idea. (It isn't)

Get to know me tag

I actually enjoy doing these things.

Ps: Re last post I spoke to my creative and we agreed I might be in a phase that is making my energy weird and he hopes I get out soon.
(me too)

1. Are you named after anyone?
No. But my mum wanted a boy and got a girl so I got named "Oreoluwa" which means Gift of God?, But please don't call me gift ever. Thanks

2. When was the last time you cried?
Hmnnn. I try to schedule in crying time weekly but I do not think I have cried in a while.
I enjoy a really good cry so.

3.Do you have kids?
Funny story
I was a prayer meeting and got into a coughing fit that left phlegm in my throat, so I ran to the bathroom to spit it out and then a lady there looked at me so kindly and said- Pele, morning sickness abi?
Me: God I hope not. Just a cough and cold please.

4. If you were another person, would you be a friend of yourself?

Welllllll. I'm a good person deep down inside so if the other person walks around with a shovel, we would be really good friends.

5. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
You think?
I'm pretty fluent in sarcasm and I'm witty too.

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people?
Nails. grooming basically.
Nothing more uncivilized than dirty nails and arm pit hair ( Yes men that includes you).
Lets invest in mani's and pedi's please.

LOL, I ran into someone and when I met him up sometime later, he said
" I just want you to know that I appreciate the fact that your nails and toes are always so perfectly done"

7. What is your eye color?
Brown/ Black

8. Scary movie or happy endings?
Happy abeg. Real life is scary enough, give me all the faux happiness Hollywood is selling.

9. Do you have any special talents?

Honestly. I have lots but I think at the top would be that people like me/ I have the ability to draw people to me/ infiltrate their lives.
Also I'm sweet as fuck.

10. Do you have any pets?

LOL. I'm still trying to like people, you now want to add animals.
Issa no please. No pets not now, not ever.

11. What do you want to be when you grow up?
An american citizen. These visa applications are stressful AF.
And maybe maybe maybe an OAP? I really want a radio show but I sound like shakira swallowed a frog. and I laugh like cruella de-ville and ursla wrapped in one.

12. Who was your first best friend?
I'm just gonna say Jesus.

13. How tall are you?

6ft tall.
But I've had shorter men tell me, everyone is the same height lying down.
Ps: It's not true.

14. How many countries have you visited?

Ayeeee: US. UK. Spain. Italy. France. Greece. South Africa. Ghana. Togo. The Gambia. Benin Republic. Lebanon. UAE. Ethiopia. Turkey.

Pss: I'm adding a new country to this list in T-X days. I am DYING OF EXCITEMENT.
Psss: You want to find my instagram for this for real.

15. What was your favorite/worst subject in High School?
Fave: Tie between Further maths and accounting. Further maths was challenging. Accounting was super easy.

Worst: Yoruba. because Lazy.

16. What is your favorite perfume?

I would say Chance Chanel.
But I currently really like Armani Si. So much I am using a dupe.

17.What would you name your children?

Moscato. Rossato. Rissato. and all the other variations.
LOL. I haven't given this any thought at all because I do not know that children are in the works for me tbh ( I only make plans for things that are on the horizon)
But if I decide to have children I would have the father of the children name them, I am really indecisive.

18. What sports do you play/have you played?

I currently box as training.
Another funny story.
At training this weekend, I met the Ex president of the Nigerian Sports Association, we got talking and he seemed so mad I had no plans to go pro.
He then went ahead to tell me how with my body frame there are other sports I would excel at. I'm like cool cool.
He went ahead to berate my coach for training me if I have no plans to go pro.
Ps: I am the LAZIEST. lazy. person my coach probably trains. so.

19. What phone do you currently use?
The Iphone 6.
But I want the Iphone 7 plus because the camera on that phone ISSA MADNESS.

Funfact: I've never bought myself an apple product ever but I own, an iPod, an iPhone and an iPad.
what? People like giving me things.

20. Tell us one of your bad habits!

All my habits are good.

Maybe I pick my nose?
but currently my nails are so short I need a shovel to pick my nose so.

I also need to be more forgiving?

I also do not make beds. or cook. (Except it's jollof rice for Diplo).

I really enjoy doing these things.
Ps: I have lashes installed for the first time and OMG, can someone say uncomfortable?

Monday, May 15, 2017

List 19: People who you want to most be like

People who own American/Swiss/German Passports

People who have found their lives purpose

People who can keep to time

People who make chocolate cake from lemons life dealt them and leave observers confused.

People whose purpose include being half naked on a beach/spa half the year.

People who have picked the right struggle and are reaping.

People who create

People who use their gifts/Talents and not bury them

People who pick up the phone and say " You have 5 minutes, please make this quick" ( I think that is me but okay)

People who do not tell lies

People who do not shy away from difficult conversations with their shiny new creatives.

People who can wink

People who can lift an eyebrow and smirk at the same time

People who are committed to whatever they decide to do.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

So Gracious.

Keeping in theme with Banky and Susu

I got married to a wilding and now my life is wild thing.

Someone slid into my Dm's talking about how he feels my life is pretty eventful and I was like nah, its pretty tame. 
I lied.
It's wild.

Yesterdayyyyy I had the most interesting meeting.

So Eros's girlfriend ( she says ex but you know how these things are) reached out to me to have a meeting*.

And it was interesting to see how even after we are not together I am some how still saddled with the task of making his life easier. Like you are not even honest with your new girl and she has to come to me?  

Because when we were done chatting, she said you know this is the most clarity I've gotten of the situation, he just wasn't telling me anything and I didn't know what to believe.

Me: Insert upside down emoticon.

Ps: She is the most delightful person and under different circumstances we might have been actual friends? 

Pss: On the upside, check me out guys. So gracious about the whole thing. I'm even surprised myself.

No really not to toot my own horn but she said " I was scared to order a drink because I felt you might throw my drink in my face".

Me: Oh?

Y'all think I'm wild like that?


* I had no idea who she was when I accepted to meet with her.

Psss: Life comes at you soooo fast. If someone asked me to write out what my life would look like when I was 18 10 years from now, I would never have envisioned that it would include pacifying my ex husbands ex girlfriend at a restaurant in Lagos at 2pm on a sunny Tuesday over water and lime ( Because air and water diet).

But as I said, life comes at you fassssst. :)

Monday, May 8, 2017


If we are in an altercation and you call me a prostitute I'm just gonna not be mad at you because you are blind and you have something else on your mind.


Because if I was a prostitute my life would be so far removed from you. I will use my ashawo money to insulate myself from mad people who go around calling people prostitutes.

So yeah once you call me a prostititue I know you do not know me, and you do not rate me as well because if you rated me you would know I won't be ashawo-ing in my little Hyundai.

Matharoo sisters will be learning from me.

True story.

So If you watched the insta story and you are wondering why I'm so chill.

It's that I'm day dreaming of what I will use my ashawo money to do.


Sunday, May 7, 2017

List 18: List the things that motivate you


When it comes to work ethic: I'd say my mum motivates me so much, everytime I speak to people that know her or have met her or have had cause to interact with her and the find out I am her daughter and we are in the same career space it's just always good things.

First shock, your mum let you come out? she is really strict you know?
Me: LOL only to her employers.
But yeah career wise my momma is my motivation. Now if only she would let me work with her

When it comes to following my dreams: Paulo Cohelo. (self explanatory) but I will explain. I read the alchemist and it changed my life.
It's so frighteningly simple it makes no sense yet makes all the sense.

And when it comes to looking like a damn spice: Agbani Darego ( LOVE HER BODY). she is stunning and her body could really be mine if only I took out time to steady my hands and face this gym life.

Friendships: I think I don't do friendships as well as I would like to because I chase after people and immerse myself in their lives and then I get mad when they refuse to do shit like sit shiva with me when shit happens, but they have never had to be on the other side. So it may be a huge adjustment for them.
For friendships it's Job's three friends in the bible who came to see him and when they saw him they sat with him in silence for 7 days and only spoke when he (job) spoke.
I want to listen more and try to stop fixing. Just basically listen more and just shut the fuck up.

On life issues: I'm torn between Yoruba adages and the bible. I do not really identify as Yoruba but I live for the adages. One of my favorite is " When your yam is done, cover it with your hand so that awon aiye will not come and take it" it however is hugely conflicted by " the Lord will prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies".

But I'm leaning towards the table and enemies.

Friday, May 5, 2017

Random update

I should be updating about my calabar trip but yah all I've done is tweet and download spanish trap music.

Yes Spanish trap music.


One of my holiday cities they speak only spanish so I need to even know the sort of music they listen to.

And let me tell you. Spanish Trap music is sexy AF and littyyyy.

I'm worried I'm not getting enough sleep along with the fact that *never mind what the fact is*.

I still can not find my pandora bracelet.

And I may just be starting to freak out.

I met someone who thought I was Lagos royalty??

I'm like what?

When I told him I was angling towards Swirling he said well you can look into English royalty, I can see you being a right fit.

Me: You people rate me so highly.

I cut my nails and they started chipping.

Short nails are not really for me tbh.

Today I dressed very down to work; and I tweeted how if I do not get queried I would take the job very seriously.

Tonight is going to be a movieeeee and I'm sort of equal parts excited and nervous. This is one of the first nights that I have actively made plans since I moved back home.

So again.

Equal parts nervous and excited.

Song for the weekend: I'm the one.
Because here for Quavo's adlibs/ Skrr.

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

I am currently


Non stop to "My love"- Wale, Major Lazer, Wizkid & Dua Lipa.

And I can be your last,
leave your past with your first.
As I said NON STOP.

As a self proclaimed Diplo fan girl, once I saw that there was a major lazer track on the album I knew I had to get on it. I love the album (It's called Shine, if you are living under a rock) and my favorites include: My love. Running back. Columbia Heights. Fine girl  and MY PYT. 


The mothers.

Best book really, I actually did 45 minutes on the treadmill and didn't die because I was reading this book. It's such a good book. It's about a girl who the pastor's son get's pregnant and then she has an abortion and leaves the city in the usual manner of life, the boy marries her best friend and that one has issues getting pregnant and finds out her two fave people are having an affair and wahala.

It's a well written book and shows how gossip erodes life.


No alcohol as I am currently on an intense air & water diet in a bid to get my body right for my vacation. Along with the alcohol ban :

Here for that photoshop looking skin ; getting my tummy on flat flat and pussy on agua.
Other non scale victories and health benefits are welcome.
I'm just doing this to look absolutely stunning naked and to slay my vacation photos.


-For my pandora bracelet.
Eros gave me. and every time I went on vacation after that I bought a charm for it at the airport, so saying its sentimental is not even scratching the surface.
Last time I saw it was 2 weeks ago so early days yet but slightly panicking because I swear I left it on a bed stand in someone's house and when I asked the person turns out he does not have a bed stand.

When I told my friend this story, she said and I quote " Maybe it is time to return santa's  hoe' HO'S.

- Forward to my vacation in a few days. ( dying of excitement but can not tell you guys the exact date because awon aiye).

-Back at the delicious weekend I had, I had a huge adulting moment where I couldn't afford to go see ASA, because I had so many other things to do with money coupled with the fact that I had just returned from my weekend of debauchery in Calabar and that cost a pretty penny as well as some other obligations that did not crystalize on time and a spontaneous purchase of a John Madu piece.

The piece sparked a lot of joy in my heart and calabar was so so beautiful (although I would not be doing anything wedding related asides attending as I do not have the emotional range for weddings).


Why the hell my nails are breaking so badly?
If I am actually as flirtatious as people say I am?
Why my data keeps finishing so quickly?
Whether I should port to Globacom?
If Goddess locs would suit me?
Where I can find a bottle of Gallo's White Grenache before friday?
If this white meat diet I'm about to proceed one is going to piss everyone off as much as I think it will?
Why awon aiye followed me from Snapchat to insta stories?
If I going to be stupid proud when my body morphs into it's final form? ( not really Probably yes)
Why no one understands when I say "I do not have the range"?
How long till T cracks.

Speaking of T. He actually moved back home. equal parts proud and nervous for him.
We had dinner on sunday and it was an actual vibe. 
I am thankful for the men in my life who always always always go out of their way to make sure I'm happy comfortable and give me all the most delicious compliments.

Wishing all of us a delicious weekend.
Yes I know it's Wednesday but yasss. to the weekend anyway.

List 17: List the difficult moments in your past that have shaped you for the better

I do not want to talk about this because I do not know the better (well I am still waiting for the better shaping)  in the most difficult moments I have experienced.


I keep getting little signs that maybe I am on the right track, Just maybe,