Heart

#HonestyHour

I'm going to talk about the gift and curse of feeling things a bit too deeply, and how I embraced

Step 1. I read Paulo Cohelo's the way of the bow and the four agreements by Don miguel Ruiz.

Lots of people say it's fluff reading.

But both of them taught me to not take anything personal.

In realising it's not you, Its literally them, there is some form of peace and you find that there is some space in your heart for things that truly matter.

Like cholesterol from the Steak I could have been eating this afternoon if I decided to play truant AND not even come into work today.

But old habits die hard.

Step 2. Read step 1, Drink some red wine and ask your self why?
-why am I so upset?
-What is triggering these emotions that run so deep?
-Do I ever plan to address these issues?


Step 3: Honesty has a way of bringing you peace.

And it gives you ease of mind, I have always always always been a fan of love that is erratic and butterfly filled and just crazy stupid passionately drowning.

Always.

Because what else is there to do than to put your heart to work, pumping blood at a rate that feels like your heart will burst?

Suggestion: Nothing


In as much as I feel the crazyness of the love that is erratic, I can swear to you that you need your head.

even better put pen to paper and write.

Write out what you want AND then tell your heart to do what you want.

Step 4:

Be steeped in it, as an unashamed lover girl, y'all know by now that I'm a lean mean fronting machine.

I stopped fronting. Going all in ensured that I put my back and best into ventures and I was able to pull out when said ventures stopped serving me.

There is literally nothing else to be done.

Your best was not good enough.

And your heart makes peace with that fact and lets you have peace.

Bones

I remember watching the Bone Collector on DBN's NightShift.

( I just realised I might be a collectors Item)

I actually know people that did not meet DBN.

Bones

When things grow we never pay attention.- Well I don't.

Because  I'm carried away, with sinew with muscle

With flesh.

With Blood

And everything but bones.

Lately I am finding a new found love for Bones.

Solid, dependable and without wax.

And also because I am finding the act of stripping down

to the bone of certain matters therapeutic.

Like picking at scabs,

We should leave to heal but we do not any way.

Because we are all a bit crazy.

Well I'm finding that to be true about me,

Teeth

and you take a bite of reality,

And you begin to chew, slowly ,

Savouring the favors

And just enjoying the textures in your mouth,

Then a sharp sensation, because it's not pain

It's a jolt.

It is exactly what you feel with you bite on foil with an amalgam filling.

Except it's 10 times worse, and then it hits you,

You either have to spit out reality

Or you lose a tooth.

Guess which went?

(hint: I have 30 teeth left, but I'm chewing till the wheels come off)

Ash

When I saw this prompt all I could think of was this quote

Ashes.

I like the beginning of things.

I'm not a slow starter so I put my back into most things when I start.

I'm the self starter that smoulders like coal.

I tell myself , you do not want flames, smouldering is better, the residue is more solid.

Then I kick in, and start stoking the fire.

Some olive branches of affection serve as tinder.

My best behavior as oxygen.

Then flames. Bright. High. Hot

Fiery Red.

In this moment, I am all of a sudden disinterested in this fire.

And flames change to blue.

They say the flame that burns twice as bright burns out in half the time.

They never lied.

Sometimes, I see embers and  last minute I try to revive the fire.

But every time,

Every time, all that is left , is a pile of ash.

And what else is left to do with ash, than to rise like a phoenix?

You tell me.