Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Me and T conversations

Me: I was so tired, I considered turning off my phone and pretending to be asleep
T: wow how are you even think that- at this point you are better off sucking it up
Me: I did. Meh
T: ah last week this boy was all up on your IG and this week see how you are talking
Me: One minute you are cock of the walk next minute you are the feather duster
T: Indeed.

Monday, October 30, 2017

The weekend and first date and the birthday count down.

My birthday is in T-3 days
You all know how exciting birthdays generally are, but I am amped up.
Decided to just ask everyone to donate money to  #TheBriconFoundation instead of stressing with presents that I will use small and then dash out or something.

I've never really been big on visiting oprhanages and doing the photo ops- even though I think they are a great idea, never really been my style. So I'm really excited that I get to work with breast cancer survivors.

what- I'm a boob girl through and true.

Party talk aside.

I went on a date this weekend.
because I don't go on a lot of these things I'm generally torn with what is appropriate and what is just down right stupid.

ps: Date told me I smiled alot but came across as cold, and when I asked him what I could do to be warmer he said nothing.
I will not be speaking to him again, because abeg no power.
Also I spent maybe 15 of the date texting my home girls about how much I missed the boy I liked but I do not speak to anymore.

It was a good date though. Music. Abuja nights. Wine and no one trying to grope me.

This weekend was BUSY.

Friday I went to Ijebu for my friends grandma's burial.
Saturday saw me on the first flight out of Lagos to Abuja for my friend M's wedding.
ps: I really like Abuja sha.

The wedding was really really good except I got there at the tail end, but got to spend time with the bride. She looked radiantly gorgeously stunning.

M- you make a beautiful bride and I wish you and Y- all the happiness in the whole wide world.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

List 37: List what you would spend a million dollars on, just for you.

1- Bitcoin
2-treasury bills
2.b- Fund a Nigerian start up that deals with waste management on beaches.
3- the two pent houses  here
4- Round trip to Asia for a month
5- Yacht week for italy -ALONE.
6- Trip to ice-land with my momma.
7- Paris for the weekend
8- Maybe a one bedroom apartment at eko atlantic. I mean we all know that water is going to still carry it away last last

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Why does it feel like

Everyone is trying me today?

One girl who entered my dm's last year thinking I was fucking the boy who was talking to her who is my friend Dm'ed me today about a book.

Like bitch?
Do I look like Santa?

Then I have noticed another one's wife LOL-ing my tweets indiscriminately.
This crazy

Then the icing on the cake is my whatsapp group from my vacation- Yeah that one/

Someone posted a group photo and cropped me out.

Bumped into him at Yoga on Saturday and you can be sure I asked him what that was about.

He said, " It was nothing personal"
Him: " No it just looked better with you cropped out- the aesthetic."

And I thought to myself that this fucking wanker who opposed every single group photo suggestion
talking about- He only wears shorts and he doesn't mind not being in the photos- thought the aesthetic of a photo would be better on Instagram- which by the way lets you zoom in so you can post all the wide angle lens photos you want- with me cropped out.

Mind you said photo was taken on my iphone.

Anyway I'm good with it. I mean its your Instagram and whoever we want to post on our page is our perogative.

Fastforward to this afternoon- He says oh he is writing about the trip and wants to  crave our indulgence to use our photos-

you can be sure I replied- Crop me out please.

So someone else in the group is like I think the group damages my reputation and they are not good enough to be seen with me- I neither confirm nor deny because you know it's not a thing

But I message the someone on the side and tell him what happens.
and he is like wow.
but continues talking about how I'm too good for them in the group.
Me: Leaves group *deletes group*

Now this is the real trying- WHY. THE. FUCK. ARE. PEOPLE. ASKING.ME.WHY.I.LEFT.THE.GROUP?

Look- I'm not even angry just carry your teasing and be going. Thanks.

Like I'm at a point where nothing is going to stress me out.

Asides this ovulation that has my boobs acting up.
but I'm ready for it.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Birthday Wishlist

Everyone has been asking me what I want for my birthday.

well for the first time in a long time I'm having a party at home.

I love hosting- seemed like a good idea.

Without much ado let me tell you people what I really want.

A new car battery and a spare tyre.

I use a 12v 75amp battery and I think a size 15 rim tyre.

I don't want none of that N25k floral arrangement thingy.

But I think I want ballons sha. helium preferably.

A N20k voucher for my nail guy would be very welcome

N100k voucher for my fashion designer girl would be also very welcome.

Okay maybe N50k.

All expense paid vacation to Asia? or Italy in summer?

The actual physical copy of the new boyzIImen "under the streetlight" cd.

And three months of Yoga at my Studio. I think it's 40k.

There we have it.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Sugarcane Baby.

I had been deliberating inviting my sugar baby to my birthday party.

And like clock work he messaged me,

so I call him and we go and have lunch- he isn't too impressed.

But he showed up in the shortest shorts and ashiest hands.

And I'm like you are so irresponsible.

It was such a good time, I think I am beginning to understand older men with younger girlfriends.

The cruise is sweet die.

Anyway I did invite him and asked him to invite someone else so he won't be alone and he responded, well I guess this means our relationship now has to move to the next level.

I'm like stuttering and he says- wait, you are one of those people that the word relationships fluster?

Me; lol, No. we are friends.

And he says if I'm come, you have to introduce and invite  me as your sugar baby none of that friend shit.

Me: well your ass is uninvited.

Everyone says I'm a smart ass.
I hung out with Faux T last night and we were talking about how he feel's used by the women in his life for just sex. I'm like I'm sorry what else are you good for? and I start laughing

I'm meeting more men who are ready to settle down tired of playing around and just want to find one person. I want to feel sorry for them but at the same time, I'm like buahahahahahahaha.

It's good to always listen to advice that people give you.
I went ahead and was reckless and now I think that maybe I might have ruined what may have been a very wonderful wonderful wonderful friendship.

Offcourse if I was a sensible person I might still back track and be like - kiss and make up
but because I just realised I am truly a badly behaved sweet girl.
I think I'm sitting this one out.

Can't believe I'm even delibrating this shit.

My friend sent me a message about how she is serious about me " not becoming a Yoruba boy"

As if. That is even possible.

Monday, October 16, 2017

Friday, October 13, 2017

List 35:List all the obstacles that stand in the way of facing your dreams

1. Lagos
2. Nigerian Passport
3. Eating Rice
4. And indomie
5. My inability to find a job that fulfils me
6.The craziness of Nigeria, I really want to teach and do something back end for the kids.

In case you can't tell, my dream is to become a super model living in asia and teaching children English in my spare time.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Him: You know everyone said you are trouble?

Me: Everyone can't be wrong. And yet, here you are.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017


Recent discovery about myself.

I don't talk out issues.

If you upset me I either rationalize it for you OR stop speaking to you.

And because of how open I am, and how immersed I am in the lives of the people who can upset me,

me stopping is a bit of a shock.

But at this point I can't really be bothered sha.

I'm just like cool.

In as much as I really want to be the person who talks things over.

I'm not too keen on wasting words on people.

And because I can be badly behaved, I know that people know that they are being badly behaved.

I had one of my home girls point this out to me and I'm like

You are right.

Call me Edward Scissors hands.

Actually don't.

Monday, October 9, 2017


I had an interesting weekend.

It started off on friday with me visiting my tailor's studio in Magodo.

Yes I know it is at the end of the world but beautiful clothes must be made, worn and slayed in.

Plus I am really against that aso-ebi culture of having a dress being the exact same one someone else has on at an event.

Yeah call me a DIVA I'm leaning into that anyways.

So fast forward into the day I stop at my uncle's house for a pick up that turns into a crying fest for me ( not unusual), and then a conversation about education in Nigeria- Nigerians outside Nigeria ALWAYS seem to know the solutions to all the problems we have. I guess when you don't have to deal with the daily Naija problems you can see clearly enough to solve the bigger ones. meh

He also supports donald trump. But I'm not surprised, he has never really been a kind person. And I would know, his wife is my aunt.

Came to work and got a message from my lawyer that totally demoralized me.
Called Itunu to go and clarify and turns out my lawyer might be right.
Also I was warned not to tell lies.

I do not lie as often as I used to, infact as much as I can I have consciously decided to stop telling lies. It's not as difficult as people imagine.

I meet up with Debo at twenty five and drink star and sprite. Also the moon was really pretty.

Checked my emails and I got a message from the boy I liked and is now meh- more on this later.
I reply the email.
I'm slightly irritated but I reply it as cordially as I can.

I get home and my mother is sulking, my sister is in the house and it is also her wedding anniversary.
She tells me how she has dreamt that I will get married soon.

Fewer things rub me the wrong way than my sister and this God told me about your marriage talk.
Now I know she means well but to be honest- I wish she would really just leave me alone because it is really irritating and grinds my gears especially since I am not the type to tell people how God will do their own when they congratulate me on anything. It reeks of faux modesty. Take your thank you and go please.

Saturday my lawyer sends me another message that just has me dissolving into a pool of tears, My mother sees me and suggests I start working for God.
She prays with me and then tells me to make sure I show up at the wedding today, also to look Ghen Ghen.

her "best friend" step son is getting married.

She even had professional make up artist come to the house and get her dolled up. ME: okay o.

She looked super cute too.

I call Eneni and cry some more she tells me to take sometime to wallow then shower and go about my day.

I get a message from the boy who I used to really like.
And that puts me over the edge.
Like in that moment I know that this ship has sailed and is never coming back again.
I do not reply it.
I have never felt so insulted in my whole entire life.
And maybe at that moment I was not too pleased with how my life was looking.
and most likely  his treatment is collateral damage.

I go to the wedding looking like a Spice. my mother's best friend is so excited she starts telling everyone I'm her niece. She also mentions to me that she was the one that introduced the bride and the  groom. She said it maybe 500 times and I was reminded why I never picked her calls all the times she called me.

Maybe she has a nephew waiting for me somewhere and she really believes her match making game is on 100. either way I'm not interested.
The wedding is fun. I run into her 22 year old son who is definitely extra excited to see me and wants us to sit down and gist but is unfortunately leaving town tomorrow. would I be at the party at his parent's house?

I know I'm veering dangerously into cougar territory but he is a really sweet kid. I remember him from sunday school.

I say maybe, depends on how I'm feeling. we chat for a bit and I leave.

I call the boy to drop off what he had asked me to buy him and he text's me that he will call me shortly.
He does not call me shortly. So I send him a message about where would be good to meet him and drop it off.

Sunday morning

He sends me a message about how he fell asleep.

I call him and I am frosty AF. he can't understand it. I'm uninterested in explaining it.
And I actually still can't understand it.
He is apologetic and insists its a slight jab. He is sorry. He misses me. I've been back for a week and I haven't even tried to see him. But I am posting photo's on instagram ( that one made me LOL). but not thaw. just laugh. I'm clearly having a better life since after Rwanda and I have dumped him. ( I neither confirm nor deny)

And it is at that point I realize that this chapter is really over. hashtag bittersweet

we make plans to meet up later in the day we both have commitments.
I have that party which my mum insists I attend and he has some work meetings and some stuff.
I say I will call you once I'm done.

I call T and ask if he wants to pop in for the party, he says sure around six ish. T has been in lagos too long he has finally understood that whatever you arrive at an event is the time you are supposed to be at the event, you can only be late for Visa appointment or International flights.

The party was basically a boozy brunch. Drank so much champagne ate Amala and something continental sat next to my mum's best friends 22 year old son and just had conversation.

Half way through something I was telling him he cuts me short and asks me, " what are you passionate about"

Me: Enjoyment.

Him: I respect the honest and simplicity of the answer.

What I do not tell him is that the cookie was crumbling in a way I did not anticipate and I might not be able to enjoy for much longer.

Me: Smile

Him: So how does that feed into your career?

Me: My dream job will be to be paid to travel and curate experiences and write about these in Magazines like GQ. Vogue.

Him: You are a model?

Me: LOL noooooo

HIm: so what are the magazines about

Me: I was saying it would be ideal to be a travel correspondent.
Him: Oh I zoned out.
Me: That's okay.

He leaves to do some home work I settle in to drinking and talking to lots of people and just generally having a good time.
Eventually everyone leaves except me so I settle in to finish reading "Fools die by Mario Puzo" and wait for T and his little brother.

He returns to say good bye properly, we do a bit more catching up, we drink champagne  ( and I actually tell him you have to tilt the glass to avoid the bubbles) he laughs at the discovery and he has to leave, flight to catch.

T eventually shows up, we eat and go see the parents of the groom. and get a tongue lashing about how lazy our generation is.
The boys are laughing I'm not. I tell them we got handed a failed state and I'm not going to sit down while the people that scattered it complain that we like enjoyment too much.

The Grooms father was distraught at the amount of champagne that was drunk at the wedding.
These boys only drink Champagne and Hennessy he lamented.

Me: wellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
Him: don't get me started the girls are equally as bad. they are singing all the Single ladies and they are all filing out I wanted to flog all of them.

Me: ah ahhhhhh.

Him: no o I hear all the things my sons tell me and he says the girls are too wicked.
Me: Everybody is wicked it is Nigeria that is making all of us wicked.

He talks a bit about how there is no moral fabric and how we worship money and how all the money he had he spent on educating his children and while they are doing good they really arent where he thought they will be.

Me in my mind: welcome to the expectations are cut short center called Nigeria.

We round off with an invitation for me to come and spend the weekend which I smile and say I will try to find sometime to pop in and then I head home.

I call the boy, he calls me back and we arrange a rendezvous in VI. I hand him his parcel and he says wow, all this attitude.

Me; LOL.

I get home to a very specific apologetic text that I don't reply. I hope he understands that this was collateral damage, because till now I don't even know why I'm this upset.
That ship has really sailed.
plus I need all the strength I have for the next 12 months so.

If there is anything this weekend showed me / told me/ taught me is that they don't serve champagne at pity parties so there is no point hosting them in my head and attending them in my life.

Here to a Monday full of restructuring of my life and just generally hoping all things fall into pleasant places. 

Thursday, October 5, 2017

The boys II men love album

In 2009 only the best boy band in the whole wide world,

came together and put together a cover of all the best love songs and titled it love.

In a twist of separation
You excelled at being free
Can't you find a little room inside for me?

I saw them live in Vegas two years ago, caught a rose and all that jazzz,  but this album is like soul food to my lover girl persona.

I can't wait to fly them in for my mum's 60th birthday party to sing her mama.


I will write about Kenya X Kigali soon I've just been taking it all in. 
It was amazing
tbh any time away from Lagos is amazing.

The views in Kigali shaaaaa.

Emails at 1am

This week the love of my life Uloh was in town. Sooo we went out eating drinking running and just generally doing nuisancey shit around tow...