Friday, August 29, 2014

On the finality of Death

Death is so final.

It makes everything seem futile.

Like you are slaving away on earth for nothing.

Today was my cousin's burial.

I was at the grave side and we were called to rites.

From dust we came and to dust we return.

Nothing is more final than that.

I also learnt that there is no such thing as water proof mascara when you are having a nice break down.

His care taker came and cried. AND she cried. and cried and cried.

My aunt had to scream at her to stop crying and demonstrating.

As we finished the rites and they shut they grave.

It started to rain.

You may not believe it but family is everything- Just standing there watching them rally around my aunt and tease each other and crack jokes.

Even in the face of death; we still found things to laugh about.

and that is the beauty of life I guess- there is always something to laugh about.

As an aside- You internet users are creeepppyyyyyyyyyy/ stalkerrrrrrssss.

But in a good way.

One of my blog followers found me on google in under 10 minutes.- according to him; dont take my word for it.

And I was touched at the effort.

Personally I can not be bothered about the writers of the blog's I love so you can imagine how amusing I found it. I confess all the interest is flattering.

As much as it may seem like I want to be anon- It really just stems from Laziness.

I can be arsed to take photos or link my instagram here so I have no pictures.

But I am not catfish sha- you can take my word for it.

I currently tweet from  here. I am pretty random and obsessive. And I also have zero tolerance for iranu.

I block very easily- no threats just saying; so keep your opinion to your own twitter okay?

I have updated my profile to include an email address where I can be reached on- So if anyone wants to send me presents for " coming out" feel free to contact me.

As for my instagram- I am wary as to how most readers will receive me so no instagram account- but again; this needs repeating- I AM NO CATFISH.

Admist all the tears and laughter, I resolved to live my life to the fullest.

The utmost fullest life is what I think I deserve.

Which I why I am going on another vacation.

LOL- Hardly a vacay. But once I get approval from my managers and partners.

I am off to have the time of my life. With people I love and who love me in return.

Also in all the laughter with my family. I did not feel so alone.

On a different note

Last night I went to karaoke with my mainest day one office lovers.

We had such an amazing time- My friend Ori who is a singer but pretends to be an investment banks to idle about has the most amazing voice.

But she was not last nights star.

Actually Last night there were two stars.

This nice young man who decided to stare into my soul while doing a really good rendition of - Az's yet last night. I was like


Can You stop staring at me pleaseeeeeeeeeee. LOL

My friends found it so hilarous. I was like urgh.

the second and main star was someone called "Austine"- I remember his name because as he picked his song Muni and I were saying " Please do not do this"

But HE DID THE DAMN THING!

Home boy channeled Neyo and slayed " do you" by Neyo.

He also recorded the whole performance AND I strongly believe he plans to get an ex back.

If you are the woman he sends that recording to- Stay strong, I also do not think your current man stands a chance. So if " Austine" gets you back- I understand.

Finally the weekend is here. I plan to take my other cousins to see a movie and just generally spend time with them catch up on who is dating who; who has a new boyfriend - my younger cousins seem no have no issues switching partners. Almost too easy.

There are not enough side eye's in the world for me to give to them.

But I am looking forward to them and to my mini vacay.

Enjoy the weekend and make the most of it.










Thursday, August 28, 2014

Last night

My grandma's eightieth birthday party is in december.

Being planners that we are my mother and I had already shared the asoebi and etc to everyone iin our direct nuclear family.

But last night was hard; we had to unpack my cousin's own clothes from that bag and put it aside.

Death is the saddest thing.

And what is worse is how the world just keeps spinning and everyone goes around like nothing is happening.

The burial is tomorrow- I saw my aunt today she seemed so subdued.

Would not talk and just kept wailing.

It was too sober. And I hated it so much.

But we move on. and take it one day at a time because there is no other way to take it.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

mini High

My skirt keeps falling off my waist. I had to use a saftey pin to hold it.

Its so odd how sadness makes one skinny.

I am going away for a mini vacation soon. I am looking forward to it so much.

It is ridiculous.

Also My friends from dundee formed a bbm group and invited me.

That cheered me up a bit.

Finally I might be going to uganda in February next year.

All things being as God has laid out.

I hope you all have been having a great time?

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Lows

Yesterday was good.

Great even. I pulled an all nighter on saturday so I could shut my boss up and it worked out alright.

She was mighty impressed and gave me new tasks. ( urgh)

After work I went to see Hercules, which was really good. Interesting even I liked the angle a lot.

So imagine how good a day I had.

while at the cinema, my aunt called me.

A little back ground on my aunt- we used to be very close. Like so close we took ICAN classes together and wrote those exams together - and let me tell you; that struggle binds you tighter than a three way woven chord.

So I went to school and we kind of drifted apart.

Kind of because I became busy and life just came and all that. We still saw each other at functions and all that but we were not as close anymore.

And that was okay.

When the doctor's strike started my aunt mentioned in passing that her nephew who was an orphan and she was his primary caretaker- even though he lived in benin with her mum ( his grand mother) was ill and she was going to bring him to lagos.

I asked her why. I said is he not going to get better care at UBTH?

That surely there would be some doctors around to help you. See I do not trust these lagos private hospitals.

She laughed and said- no jo, it is even better he comes to lagos- she has been thinking of moving him permanently here anyway.

So I said okay and that was that.

A few weeks ago, my other aunt called me to tell me they had discharged him and he was home recuperating but since my own immune system is not up to par I should not go just yet.

And she would tell me when the coast was clear- so to say.

So I did not go.

On saturday after the wedding on the way to my uncle's house- my mother and I discussed it in passing. We mentioned how it is such a horrible thing for a mother to die and leave a child helpless at the expense of relatives to look after.

I said it is the will of God.

And that was where it ended.

Yesterday night; after showering I was getting ready for bed, my sister told me so casually- that my cousin died.

I almost fainted.

People get sick all the time but they live. I have been in poor health since June; but look at me I'm here.

So I went to see my mum to ask her if my sister was lying.

Turns out he was rushed to a general hospital because the private one refused to take him back.

and he passed away yesterday morning.

I am so sad. So terribly sad.

My heart is so heavy.

And when I heard the news, I had no one to tell.

not to make this about me- but it had been a while that I had felt like I had no one to talk to about things that happened to me.

That I felt so alone.

I need to call my aunt and be there for her. But I do not know how to.

I have not called her. or spoken to her in ages.

I have not been there for her the way she has been there for me.

and what is worse, I do not think I remember how to be there for my aunt who has the lost the closest thing to a child that she has right now.

I am sad. I am so terribly sad.

Even my nail polish is not cheering me up.

And I keep going through the motions because whenever I stop to breathe I remember and become sad again.

:(

Death is such a terrible thing.


Saturday, August 23, 2014

Random update

I never blog on the weekends because- lets face it.

My weekends are so much of a blast that to even stop to document is stress.

Anyway today I woke up wanting some tuface of the face to face album.

Planned a spa date. shave my legs, do my nails, then just go some work then have lunch with my girl who was in town from law school and basically just chill.

Ore proposes- Her Mother does as she likes.

So I stopped by the tailor. came home with my aunty and her babies, about to settle in for some weekly book download- as my firm blocked all the download sites * insert angry face here*- My mother showed up.

Not only did my mother show up, she asked me to get dressed and follow her to her friend's daughter's wedding.

Me- But I haven't done my hair/nails/ nothing.

She- we leave in 20 mins.

And we leftin 25 minutes.

In as much as I hate Yoruba boys, You have to give it to them, they know how to PARTAYYYYY.

This Igbo wedding was rather low key regarding the way lagos weddings are set up.

But I liked it.

Took a million and one selfies with my mother. Took a stunning photo of her.

- which I would tweet and instagram later on.

Then we did  a bit of random chilling.

It just occurred to me that 1- my mother is getting old and I must as much as possible spend time with her.

And 2- I need to get married, because everyone is dying to come and eat her daughter's wedding cake.

Also I might need to go to abuja for the week to support her- It is the ICAN conference [ of which I am a member/ and my mother happens to be the president of the society of women's accountant's of Nigeria; and I was not going to go- although I really wanted to] anyways I might have to pop in for the week but I would need a suitcase.

Bottom line was I had such a good time. I wonder why I never spend time more downtime with my mother.


Thursday, August 21, 2014

So I can get to know you- Long random post ALERT

OMG.

I know this might sound like I am a little ungrateful wench but can the men stop coming at me now?!

OMG everywhere.

Every damn place. And I am like - BUT I do not even like you.

I do not want to get to know you, and I hate to be rude.[ Sometimes].

Anyway on the off chance that I actually do meet someone who I might feel I may possibly be interested in [ side bar this happens too]

I just die when they ask me about me.

I might need to make an actual blog post about me.

Likes, dislikes. appropriate jokes. inappropriate comments to make.

Things I love - shoppinggggg [ seeing as it's all I did today- lol]

Things I really really Love- HOLIDAYYYINGGGG [ which I can not get enough off since I am in paid employment]

How I am really the shit [ I discovered this when I wa strying to update my linkedin account- for real].

How I know I am the shit- Because my mummy told me so.

How men who worry I would emasculate them amuse me - only because I have waaaaay more age approprite things to do with my time.

How I need someone to  update my linkedin account for me.

How when my nails are on point [ most times by the way]- I feel my life is on point.

I pretty much feel like my life is on track so you better be trying to add value.

And how I love phone calls- but I am never 100% on the phone so do not take it personal- multi-taskers are us!

and How I am a cheapskate. [ In the grand scheme of things].

But because these are the basics and I can not over load you at one - not for fear that you would run away, because lets face it, you are lucky you are getting face time BUT it is just too much of me for you.

So if you are trying to get to know me- know this.

I am fun loving. and witty and 6 feet tall [ which is good because everyone loves a tall girl] but do not ask me if I model because I don't and I do not play any sport.

And I have a job- which I think I like- sometimes.

And I'm a bit unorthodox in my ways.

How could I forget- I DO NOT DRINK  alcohol.

yes even wine.

I am close to my mother.

My nails are really nice- I already know; so save your compliments on them.

I have a lot of plans. so to get along with me you need to be flexible.

I go with the flow alot- except when it comes to sex.

Which I would not elaborate on here because you know [ my mother might get bored one day - highly unlikely - and do a google search on me and etc etc].

I would offer to pay for food you eat. It is nothing; I am just aware of how everyone needs spare cash.

I live within my means ALOT.

I like presents- giving and receiving. I hate flowers, I'd rather you give me cash.

Finally I am pretty much a big deal.


So there like a way I can critically structure the above points to come across like I mean well, without sounding like a diva ( which I would admit to be sometimes) and just fast track all that getting to know you without wasting all your time.

Because with this august rush I am experiencing- It feels like all yall sperm quality is dropping and you'd think as a woman I would be the one in a hurry.

Anyway- I already froze some eggs so aint shit. LOL JK.

OMG do you guys know the most awkward thing?

when I lie that I would call a person[ which I do a lot], I make a show of collecting cards, numbers, home adresses, work numbers promise to text before I call  etc etc etc when I have ZERO plans/intentions to ever call.

Then I randomly run into the person I lied to that I would call.

And then I am forced to tell the truth because I am so over telling lies to people I can not be bothered about.

This happened to me two weeks ago and the next thing my tooth started hurting - side eye to yoruba boys and their which craft mothers.

Because I know one of yall put a hex on me.

* pout*

Regarding my extraction site ( in my mouth - thank you very much); I went into the dentist again to irrigate and suction out the site - more crying ( shamefully I admit) but I left there with stronger meds which I already over dose on.

And this extraction really freaked me out because I actually liked going to the dentist.

Like I have 4 fillings. one extraction prior to this, one root canal and 4 s and p's annually.

As I said- I love the dentist. ALOT.

Regarding the state of my teeth. Let us blame Yakubu. who I feel I have blogged about but I will check and tell yall the whole story.

Ok enough,

back to doing not a damn thing.

ps- I could not be bothered to proof read. All typo's are courtesy co-codamol which makes me hella woozy.


Wednesday, August 20, 2014

life's highs and lows

Highs.


Family friend came over and I saw the quality of life through his eyes. Only naturally he wants to move back.

Also- I hosted a mini dinner party. AND- if you are male and you want to go into politics, I swear I am your best bet for a wife. I would not only make your campaign posters look good, I will bring you votes from the elitists party and host you the most fabulous dinner parties.

[ expressly implied is the fact that I would stand by you and your cheating ass- provided you make me so much money]

None the less- My dinner party rocked.

It was a small intimate affair and a success.

I was able to meet all my deadlines at work; respond to all my queries from home office.


I found this shirt and skirt set from a Nigerian designer for N 4,250- I have practically found a unicorn.

Hopefully the clothes can stand the assault of my washer-man's hands

Lows.

Tooth extraction.

Tooth extraction had complications in the form of a dry socket.

Two visits to the dentist, an infinite amout of salt water rinses and almost N50,000 later, I am almost okay.

Still living in fear of a repeat complication and I am doing these salt rinses like my life depends on it- Because it actually does.

-semi High from this low, Minimal food intake- Guess who is losing weight?





Thursday, August 7, 2014

On relationships

Last time I was in Londres, I saw HOAYS with my friend [ Term not used loosely here], who I had blogged about before- I reached out to him after we had an argument and I was drunk and etc etc etc .


Anyways we went to see the movie 9 Ps- ( I have also seen it in Lagos; I do not think it was edited).

So we were walking back to his flat where I was going to change and catch a cab for the airport  to greece [ shameless plug- but its my blog so whateverrrr]

And he said you know after Odenigbo cheated on Olanna, they still had a relationship- Just not the one she wanted.

He would come to beg. she would entertain and push him away and wash rinse repeat.


And re-watching that movie made me wonder-

What kind of relationships have we allowed previous relationships to morph into-  I refuse to use the word evolve because evolution depicts  some sort of growth.

Soooooo what kind of relationships do we currently have.

On friday bungalows with my friend [ again term not used loosely here- although I must make more of an effort with her and all of my other friends quite frankly], I said I find myself in various different situationships.

I honestly can not explain what that means but one must take it as it is.

That being said- My friends always say I am flaky.

I have friends from maybe 10 years ago, maybe 5 and recently 3 months.

I am not exactly friendly so I take the ones I have seriously. small circle and all that jazz.

Anyways fast forward to the last one year where I have been grossly busy and engrossed in my own self I kind of havent taken the initative to make plans or return calls or what have you.

Which is why I blog- I have a twitter- which if you are my actual friend; would know about. and an instagram page with my middel name as the user name.

If you really cared about me- Help yourself to the cookie crumbs about I left on the internet on my way to where I am at.

I tweet a lot and a instagram more than a lot. So when people say they can not reach me I'm like fuck out of here with your complaining ass.

I also think it is the evolution of letting people attempt to reach out to me that throws them off.

Anyways enough about how relationships are evolving- How are you evolving?

I do not remember making a new years resolution - But if I remember clearly I just wanted to be happy. and have people who were supposed to be my friends stop talking about me.

7 Months into the year, let me tell you this.

Regarding happiness- I have learnt that happiness is constantly moving so one must grab it with both hands when it is near- and say bye when it leaves because it always returns.

Regarding talking- If they do not know me personally- there is no need to take it personal.

So friend of a friend calling said friend to talk about me- meh.

Friend talking about me- double meh and a bye felicia wave.

No one needs that kind of negative energy around- I have co workers for that shit[ LOL- Jk, my co-workers are amazing to an extent].

Okay *vain alert* I swear the only reason I am writing this much today is my green nails are the most beautiful this thus far.

Love them so much.

Bye.

On self evaluation

There is this thing I read somewhere about how people judge other people by a different standard from them selves.

Eg- One has a mutual friend who starts dating another friend's ex.; one is livid and judgemental and call said friend a whore and other unsavory names and cuts the friend off.

Two years later, one is in a similar situation but isn't a whore. One simply does not choose who one fall's in love with.

I have looked around its pretty much human nature.

For the most part I [ wonder how] have managed to skip this.

I do not know if I am a permanent pessimist or somehow managed to not end up like this but

BUT; somehow I think I might judge myself by harder standards than I do with other people.

Because I mean, other people are *rolls eyes* other people and I am me.

I might have a mini self elevation situation.

But that is neither here nor there.

Lately I have been getting compliments that throw me off.

Not the usual compliments that I already know about but the weird ones.

Like how I have beautiful skin.

- side bar; I honestly do not even think in any world my skin is close to beautiful. best case scenario; my skin is passable under the dim club light as one shade.

First time was when I got a hammam scrub - [ which i do not recommend as the girl scrubbed me so hard; I bruised and I still have scars to show] , the lady asked that I do not lighten my skin as it is so beautiful and etc etc , I figured she is supposed to tell that to everyone who she works on and stuff.

Anyways second time I got this compliment was in greece; But I just said, probably oyibo that hasnt seen black skin before and doesn't know anything.

Fast forward to going to the dermatologist for my spotty condition[ which was diagnosed as Pityriasis Rosea- I do not think I ever mentioned it]; and begged him to give me a "depigmentation cream" for my heavy spots [ Leopard status and shit], and he said your skin is so beautiful give it a year the spots will fade.

And in my mind, I'm like Uncle Doctor- I do not own long sleeved clothes- how am I gonna roll about town like this?


Anyways most recent and notable I went to a mutal friend's bach eve[ do not even ask] over the weekend and I met someone who sat next to me and said - Your skin is so beautiful.

I looked at him like - huh?

And he said, I am sure you get that a lot.

I was so flustered, I just said thank you.

I honestly refused to believe this last compliment because a Yoruba boy said it and all.

But he really went on and on.

So dear skin, did you just wake up after years of stressing me out [ acne, easy to scar and hard to fade] and decide to become glow-ly?

Do you not need to send me a memo so I can respond appropriately to my compliments in Ore- Like fashion?

Instead of mumbling thanks and getting flustered?

Anyways that is that-  Work is long and stress but Value adding and bill paying

My nails are performing at maximum capacity and my yansh length braids grossed me 99 likes on instagram..

I say this- at the risk of daring the universe to screw me over -but right now Life is GOOD.

I hope you all have an amazing weekend.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Friday, August 1, 2014

The power of the truth

People ask me a lot, how I am able to be so comfortable and confident and etc and etc.

I tell them it is because I am honest.

I am honest with my self, about what I like, what I fear and what my life is like.

I am honest with other people[ including our dear friends on social media]

I am yet to buy into the belief that one should make things seem easier because- respect in the eyes of others.

I used to lie- compulsively [ I think] But only because I lived with the fear that my truth was not good enough.

And it is.

It really is.

It might not be enough for anyone else- But it lets me sleep at night sans fear of a scandal tomorrow.

Or what have you.

For me, my truth is enough simply because it gives me peace.

I have friends who tell me- You are so honest, I tell them I'm forced to remember less when I tell more truths.

Yes it would mean that I have to repeat stories, but  i'm unapologetic.

I write this today because I feel like someone out there needs to know.

That the truth might hurt[ actually it always hurts like a bitch] BUT, BUT BUT

THE TRUTH WILL[ always] SET YOU FREE.

That being said- I cannot believe another weekend is here- *insert dancing emoticon*

I am dying to get a massage but because of my current skin situation[ which I am growing tired of explaining to human beings- I do not have ebola], I have to wait till I get the green light from my super hot dermatoligist who I see 15th of august.

So scrap the massage and the swimming session[ because new hair- which makes me look like a star], but yah.

I plan to read and pop over at the gym with the new squat rack machine and we would see how it goes.

I hope everyone has such a restful weekend.

Drive

You drive I'm assuming? Your assumptions are correct, do you need me to pick you up? No, but thank you. You are welcome. ...