Lows

Yesterday was good.

Great even. I pulled an all nighter on saturday so I could shut my boss up and it worked out alright.

She was mighty impressed and gave me new tasks. ( urgh)

After work I went to see Hercules, which was really good. Interesting even I liked the angle a lot.

So imagine how good a day I had.

while at the cinema, my aunt called me.

A little back ground on my aunt- we used to be very close. Like so close we took ICAN classes together and wrote those exams together - and let me tell you; that struggle binds you tighter than a three way woven chord.

So I went to school and we kind of drifted apart.

Kind of because I became busy and life just came and all that. We still saw each other at functions and all that but we were not as close anymore.

And that was okay.

When the doctor's strike started my aunt mentioned in passing that her nephew who was an orphan and she was his primary caretaker- even though he lived in benin with her mum ( his grand mother) was ill and she was going to bring him to lagos.

I asked her why. I said is he not going to get better care at UBTH?

That surely there would be some doctors around to help you. See I do not trust these lagos private hospitals.

She laughed and said- no jo, it is even better he comes to lagos- she has been thinking of moving him permanently here anyway.

So I said okay and that was that.

A few weeks ago, my other aunt called me to tell me they had discharged him and he was home recuperating but since my own immune system is not up to par I should not go just yet.

And she would tell me when the coast was clear- so to say.

So I did not go.

On saturday after the wedding on the way to my uncle's house- my mother and I discussed it in passing. We mentioned how it is such a horrible thing for a mother to die and leave a child helpless at the expense of relatives to look after.

I said it is the will of God.

And that was where it ended.

Yesterday night; after showering I was getting ready for bed, my sister told me so casually- that my cousin died.

I almost fainted.

People get sick all the time but they live. I have been in poor health since June; but look at me I'm here.

So I went to see my mum to ask her if my sister was lying.

Turns out he was rushed to a general hospital because the private one refused to take him back.

and he passed away yesterday morning.

I am so sad. So terribly sad.

My heart is so heavy.

And when I heard the news, I had no one to tell.

not to make this about me- but it had been a while that I had felt like I had no one to talk to about things that happened to me.

That I felt so alone.

I need to call my aunt and be there for her. But I do not know how to.

I have not called her. or spoken to her in ages.

I have not been there for her the way she has been there for me.

and what is worse, I do not think I remember how to be there for my aunt who has the lost the closest thing to a child that she has right now.

I am sad. I am so terribly sad.

Even my nail polish is not cheering me up.

And I keep going through the motions because whenever I stop to breathe I remember and become sad again.

:(

Death is such a terrible thing.