Thursday, March 22, 2018

Older people are so honest.
Between them and children I wonder which set is most honest.

Yesterday at my aunt's party one of my other aunt's older friends, saw me and said " oh you look so lovely, why didn't you come with your husband?"

And I'm like, Oh we aren't together anymore.

And she says " ah thats Good, I didn't like him much" - which is a general sentiment, but this is what threw me off, then she says " Ah God has answered your mother's prayer".

My mum is out of town but she needs to come and explain why me getting separated is an answer to a prayer she had been praying.

Also this older woman just continued, having a conversation; then she paused when she saw how stunned I was, and said oh don't be sad; my second daughter is happily remarried and now has twins.
Then she goes ahead to invite me to her birthday party upper weekend.

On my way to the party; my cousin joined me and we went to the to get dressed together.
In traffic my cousin looks at me and asks me" How did you get over your estranged ex husband"
I'm like Huh?
She said " You are so genuinely happy and living your life, I'm struggling to move on from my Ex and It's so difficult"
Me: I dunno. It's God I guess
Her: shut up, you don't even go to church.
Me: LOL, maybe time

Lots of people keep asking me IF, I did any particular thing to get over Eros.
I didn't.
I think what happened was that I had exhausted all the possible avenues to make it work and I honestly know that ( yes I know God can do anything); but that this was something even God wasn't interested in working out.
Simply put- Nothing could be done. So I guess it was somewhat easier to move on with my life.
Coupled with his delightful (now ex) girlfriend who reached out to have lunch with me.
Yeah that ship that sailed never to return.
So I told my cousin to pray. because I think that is always a good answer for these type of questions.
She called me out though, she said " I know you didn't pray"


Earlier in the day, I was at the hospital, and ran into my uncle, who said, ah you look so beautiful. Fastforward to later in the evening at the party, I bumped into him, with my full face beat and my hair held back and my stunning( No really I looked TAKE AWAY) dress; he says to me I don't like how you look. You looked so much better earlier today.
Me: Good thing you don't wear make up then.
Him: I'm joking you look lovely. Me: oh I know.
Please go and give your wife grief. Leave me alone.

As an aside, feels like most of my friends are struggling with the fact that 1- I have these exams
and 2- I'm not playing about the exams and so there for 3- I am unavailable.

I am so unavailable, I have people thinking I have a new man.
Please guys.
ya girl is single like a solitary grain of rice. Singleeee.

That being said I think I have a mini to do before 30 list.
Like 3 things.
Threw the old one away.
But this one is so "strange" I love it.


This is la familia

I'd explain later.

So my aunt's 60th birthday went well.
well as well as a party of that nature could have gone.
And it was so well attended. Like all her family showed up and showed out for her.
And it was so nice.
And I just realized I really like my family.

Back to books.

Monday, March 19, 2018

Abundance in tiny letters

I don't know if you noticed, but if you didn't and haven't;  I'm being intentional about my life and my 2018.
I wan't to leave 2018 with nothing.
Like I want it finished, I will not look back and think damn I should have done this.

That being said I've always wanted to be a writer.
I've loved the idea, and I writing has never felt as difficult as a lot of the other things I have had to do repeatedly- case in point buy a financial calculator instead of lancome foundation I really wanted.

See Writing doesn't give me the need to make these trade offs.

Anyway by the end of the year, I want to refer to myself as a writer - and not feel like a fraud and eventually repurpose some of that writing into a short self published book.
Maybe- maybe not.
But I will write.
So basically if you want to see what I am "writing" - here you go,
go ahead,
you know you want to click  THIS

Second,
Moving back home meant that I had to condense almost 3-4 years of cohabiting and all the things I had bought into one room.
I left a lot of things behind at the old house, BUT, I also brought so much with me.
And this year I decided not to buy any more clothes.
I am constantly giving away and taking only as little as I need from people " shout out to temmerz" and yet I'm still stuck with a significant amount.
The aim is to build a lean functional wardrobe, plus I really just wear what it is I like so it's not like I need to own that many clothes.

we are two thirds through march and the only thing I've bought this year is my home girls asoebi, a blouse to wear to her traditional wedding AND a black opal foundation.

Still can't see where my money is going sha.
Anyway long and short is that I am giving more and I have more.

My aunt is turning 60 on wednesday, so a bunch of people are staying at the house till the party. My mum is out of town so I'm forced to look after them AND attend the party. meh

one of the guests staying at my house was so surprised that I was home.
She said - what are you doing here- I was so confused, I was like- Oh I live here.
and she was so surprised. And I was surprised that she was surprised, where else will I be if I don't come home?

Anyway she keeps alluding to two things, 1- that I am really enjoying myself ( which is strange because duh) and two that there might be a scarcity of men.

First of all. There is nothing more in abundance in Lagos than men.
My friend faux T was telling me to enjoy the harvest because there comes a drought, and I'm like what?
At the risk of sounding like a pimpette ( lol), I have way too many men in my life to worry about scarcity.
And I think this is beginning to seep into all the other parts of my life. It's why I don't mind offering so much of my self to my loved ones, because it is only then that for some reason time is in abundance and we know there is nothing more finite than time.

It's almost counter intuitive, everything teaches you to grab and take and store away while, the reality is like manna, it's gonna go bad anyway if you store it up so you should only take what you need.
Do I love this; Yes will I always live along these lines- I hope so.
I really enjoy this tbh.

But somehow I don't think it is the same for love.
Maybe I have a confirmation bias.
I think love is finite, so you need to be superdupercareful with who you give your love to.

Also, I went on a date with Mr Guy from the streets.
I just need to point out that I honestly can't hack this dating life.
Like he was so sweet and so nice and then he told me " I like you and I want to be with you", and I thought to myself- YOU DO NOT KNOW ME.

Anyway in true me fashion, I don't take his calls anymore because, what do you tell someone who you have zero interest in but is somehow convinced in his mind that you are the one for him.
and if anyone cares: we saw a movie and went foundation swatching.

And since we are talking about boys,  you know the boy I really liked and was so excited about. So we stopped talking, then started talking and we hit a sweet friendship spot and I'm like oh lovely now I am friends with this boy we can live happily ever after in our perfect platonic friendship, when he messages me on sunday.

And I am like: -Smh. no winning with these men at all.

Ps: I haven't had this much of a flow re: blogging in a bit so I'm really enjoying it.
pss: School is school. I think I've settled into it fully.
psss: You know how I wanted to be celibate this year? OMG I can not wait for lent to end.
pssss: my body is literally at body goals now, I'm contemplating doing my birthday photoshoot from last year in like 3 weeks. LOL
psssss: Also my sister is an amazing interior decorator if anyone is looking for someone to do up their living space, please hola at my sister, she is  really the best.





Friday, March 16, 2018

On first dates

So quick background story

Yesterday I was in traffic tryna meet my girls 1pm dress fitting appointment because 1- I did not want to be late and 2- I did not want to be late and 3- I really wanted to be on time.

So here I am in traffic trying not to be late listening to music having a blast when I see someone either trying to enter the front of my car or something. I'm like whatever. I'm on the bonny camp bridge.

Fastforward to 5 minutes later I'm at the Onikan link road to Igbosere ( where the dress maker is) WHEN. this car parks infront of me and flags me down.

Now I'm slightly confused, It's HOT AF and I'm being stopped in the middle of the road, so I swerve Lagos style and the driver comes down. So I wind down my front passenger window and I'm like " yes?, can I help you?"

And he is like okay I don't think you can park here,
and I'm like yeah so did you want something?
And he says " Oh I just wanted to say hello and get your name"

And it occurs to me that this young man has just pulled me over, illegally parked his car, walked to my car in the sun to get my phone number.

As an aside: I looked a right mess yesterday. Like I don't even think I had my brows drawn on

I was bemused.

Anyway my bemused self said to him, oh thats why you came all the way?, I laughed pulled out one of my complimentary cards and said please send me a text I have somewhere I have to be. and drove off.

I was 5 minutes late to the meeting but the bride was 30 minutes late. I was actually the first person to get there. LOL.

So I tell everyone and they are like - does this still happen in Lagos?
and WHY ALWAYS YOU.

I swear I have no idea.

Anyway so this morning at 8am there are two missed calls on my phone. My lil boyfriend had called me.

I didn't know at the time, so I think it's someone who I'm supposed to meet with but I'm like can I call you back.

Which I do and he asks if I'm free today because he is free from 12 and would love to see me.

I'm thrown off because I'm like two things - one it's lent and two, I've given up men in 2018.

Anyway I'm talking to Yorubae, about how I wan't to cancel and vanish, and he is like but you had a good week so you should treat yourself.

So I say let me think about this and get back to you at 1pm. its 2pm I'm here writing this instead.

I have no idea what to do, usually people just say - do you wanna go see a movie, have lunch, grab a drink etc etc. but I never get to choose so when I said I'll get back to you I kinda meant like I'm never getting back to you.

If we had parks now shey I would have said we should go and sit there and chatted for a bit. Now none of that in lagos, so my options is to take him to one of my favorite lowkey resturants AND OR take him foundation swatching for me.

Beloved these are my first date choices.

Actually I can always just go see Gringo at silverbird with him but abeg.

I'm a clapper. at the movies.

So I think I'll just cancel.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Musing

I spend a lot of time
More than I ( or anyone who isn't a music producer really) should actually lying in bed and listening to music.
now whether I'm alone or with company with unimportant.

But occasionally I'm in someone's bed and I've hooked up my phone or ipod to their speaker and we are just lying there listening to music.

And it is the most delectible and delicious thing.
I'd just like there pulling the notes out of the air and adlib-ing.

When I become a sugar mummy full time, it will be in this zone that my sugar baby will get anything he wants if he asks.
Nicely.
Saying please.
and giving me a foot rub.

Anyway I'm going away to Portharcourt for my friends wedding and I think I might spend a good portion of my time sitting by the pool working, pretending to be working and real life studying, while I just listen to music and enjoy my life.

Before I come back to Lagos and start stressing about parking space and mad people driving on the road

Now my dresses are ready for the wedding.
My tailor is the best thing since sliced bread. no jokes.
She did a madness with my dress.

Back to Port Harcourt I am dreading going sans plus one. Everyone is going to have someone they are coming with and I am dreading that the bride will do something ridiculous like give me the bouquet. I think I will die. Like literally the ground will have to open up and swallow me die.

People keep thinking because I'm separated I hate weddings.
I love weddings. I actually enjoy them so much. If I was a braver person I would go to china and buy a pyrotechnic machine and come back and cash out massively.

But we all know I'm a coward.

Anyway I am excited to make it a vacation. My first one this year because again I woke up and decided to do a complete 180 career wise and for someone who never second guesses herself; I keep asking myself- is this really what you wanna do.

I was telling my mum that I am so over qualifications. That in the last 8 years I've managed to get a Bachelors, a Masters, and I'm on my second set of charter qualifications.

Look if after all of this I'm not a billionaire then I'm going to find a billionaire and marry the fuck out of him because I do not understand this shit.

But as I was writing this I got an email offer for a job suiting me to the T. Like this thing is so strange just when you don't want to do something again then it starts falling out of the sky. case in point. This job.

I didn't even reply.
The hiring team called me like hey, I sent you an email you did not respond.
And I told her I do not think this aligns with my career plans.

And in my mind, I'm like na me be this?
Turning down jobs?
Damn.

There is really nothing I'm not worthy of.

I am wearing the cutest black dress today it's a Zara medium I don't think I could fit maybe 3 months ago and now I can zip it up myself.
Although I think it's squeezing my boobs too much sha. but we will see.


I miss T so much

If he was in Lagos I'd be an orobo by now because we'd be eating our way through. Also he is coming to town month end with his girlfriend- FINALLYYY. I'm always so excited when my friends bring their girls to meet me.

My mum thinks I'm tying too much to my exams.
How could I not I think? She looks at me like meh.
I think she is playing too much with the things important to me.

This week has been good, I'm having the strangest set of dreams.
I am happy.
I fit into a dress I like.
I'm off to the library to do some reading.
I'm packing a swimsuit and getting a brazilian. for my vacation to PH.

What color to do my nails?
Thinking of a mini ghana road trip in June?
Eyeing my vacation to italy like are you gonna be possibleeee- Yas.







Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Currently

listening non stop to


I love this song.
I love Burna. But this song.
Damn, I love this song.

Reading
This book.
It is so good.
I read it into 1am and I am currently sleep deprived but damn. So good.
Please if you are less busy get into this.
If you are super busy.

Spending
My time: split between listening to my mum and I'm constantly in awe of how amazing she is. and preparing for exams.

My money: and a lot of it, for my exams.

Time I don't even have: Trying to see if I can squeeze in a mini holiday. ( I know I know)

Contemplating
if this emotional maturity is where it's at. because turns out I'm might be "guarded". whatever that means


Buying:
Nothing. okay only Eneni's asoebi and sewing it. And a blouse to wear for the traditional wedding.
and I have room for only one more clothing item purchase the whole year.

Hoping
for actual thorough healing. and the sense not to lie on my stomach when I sleep.

Wishing
Someone just actually buys me flippin' titanium bar bells.
and sunscreen







Update

I keep getting little signs that maybe I am on the right track, Just maybe,