Monday, March 19, 2018

Abundance in tiny letters

I don't know if you noticed, but if you didn't and haven't;  I'm being intentional about my life and my 2018.
I wan't to leave 2018 with nothing.
Like I want it finished, I will not look back and think damn I should have done this.

That being said I've always wanted to be a writer.
I've loved the idea, and I writing has never felt as difficult as a lot of the other things I have had to do repeatedly- case in point buy a financial calculator instead of lancome foundation I really wanted.

See Writing doesn't give me the need to make these trade offs.

Anyway by the end of the year, I want to refer to myself as a writer - and not feel like a fraud and eventually repurpose some of that writing into a short self published book.
Maybe- maybe not.
But I will write.
So basically if you want to see what I am "writing" - here you go,
go ahead,
you know you want to click  THIS

Moving back home meant that I had to condense almost 3-4 years of cohabiting and all the things I had bought into one room.
I left a lot of things behind at the old house, BUT, I also brought so much with me.
And this year I decided not to buy any more clothes.
I am constantly giving away and taking only as little as I need from people " shout out to temmerz" and yet I'm still stuck with a significant amount.
The aim is to build a lean functional wardrobe, plus I really just wear what it is I like so it's not like I need to own that many clothes.

we are two thirds through march and the only thing I've bought this year is my home girls asoebi, a blouse to wear to her traditional wedding AND a black opal foundation.

Still can't see where my money is going sha.
Anyway long and short is that I am giving more and I have more.

My aunt is turning 60 on wednesday, so a bunch of people are staying at the house till the party. My mum is out of town so I'm forced to look after them AND attend the party. meh

one of the guests staying at my house was so surprised that I was home.
She said - what are you doing here- I was so confused, I was like- Oh I live here.
and she was so surprised. And I was surprised that she was surprised, where else will I be if I don't come home?

Anyway she keeps alluding to two things, 1- that I am really enjoying myself ( which is strange because duh) and two that there might be a scarcity of men.

First of all. There is nothing more in abundance in Lagos than men.
My friend faux T was telling me to enjoy the harvest because there comes a drought, and I'm like what?
At the risk of sounding like a pimpette ( lol), I have way too many men in my life to worry about scarcity.
And I think this is beginning to seep into all the other parts of my life. It's why I don't mind offering so much of my self to my loved ones, because it is only then that for some reason time is in abundance and we know there is nothing more finite than time.

It's almost counter intuitive, everything teaches you to grab and take and store away while, the reality is like manna, it's gonna go bad anyway if you store it up so you should only take what you need.
Do I love this; Yes will I always live along these lines- I hope so.
I really enjoy this tbh.

But somehow I don't think it is the same for love.
Maybe I have a confirmation bias.
I think love is finite, so you need to be superdupercareful with who you give your love to.

Also, I went on a date with Mr Guy from the streets.
I just need to point out that I honestly can't hack this dating life.
Like he was so sweet and so nice and then he told me " I like you and I want to be with you", and I thought to myself- YOU DO NOT KNOW ME.

Anyway in true me fashion, I don't take his calls anymore because, what do you tell someone who you have zero interest in but is somehow convinced in his mind that you are the one for him.
and if anyone cares: we saw a movie and went foundation swatching.

And since we are talking about boys,  you know the boy I really liked and was so excited about. So we stopped talking, then started talking and we hit a sweet friendship spot and I'm like oh lovely now I am friends with this boy we can live happily ever after in our perfect platonic friendship, when he messages me on sunday.

And I am like: -Smh. no winning with these men at all.

Ps: I haven't had this much of a flow re: blogging in a bit so I'm really enjoying it.
pss: School is school. I think I've settled into it fully.
psss: You know how I wanted to be celibate this year? OMG I can not wait for lent to end.
pssss: my body is literally at body goals now, I'm contemplating doing my birthday photoshoot from last year in like 3 weeks. LOL
psssss: Also my sister is an amazing interior decorator if anyone is looking for someone to do up their living space, please hola at my sister, she is  really the best.

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