Emails at 1am

This week the love of my life Uloh was in town.
Sooo we went out eating drinking running and just generally doing nuisancey shit around town.

Friday night comes and we inevitably end up at velvett because you know that's where my heart resides.

I walk my friend out and on my way in I see someone who I have had repeated flirtations with but for some reason logistically we have been unable to consumate our flirtations.

 he pulls me into a corner, we talk for a bit- how long have you been in town, when do you leave type conversations and then he asks what I'm doing after this.
I'm like well I'm with friends

He looks at me, gives me his hotel room key and says I'm at XYZ hotel lose your friends in an hour and come meet me.

Sounded very good to me so I plead with the love of my life to drive herself home, even though its roughly 4 am and she doesn't live in lagos.

we text back and forth for a bit and then I force my lover's hand and she agreed so
I took an uber to meet my host.

Who was absolutely so sweet to me.
Offered me drinks even though I had had waay too much to drink and then took off his clothes and proceeded to give me the most miserable porn-esque sex of my whole entire adult life.

I had to tap out and tell him we could try this tomorrow because -someone telling you they want to split you in two does not sound sexy AT ALL.

and I kinda think he meant it.

Also the sex was Zero.
 zero technique.
Zero finesse.
Zero everything.


And I feel awful because we had such good conversation the morning after and when he looks so good on paper
but beloved, I was glad to see the end of that.

Anyway I'm gisting my home girl when he is like why didn't you let him know

I'm like- ehn let him know what?
and she was l

So at 1am I drafted a very pleasant email with many stories but koko was that - his penis was too beautiful for his stroke game is scatter the whole thing and that he strikes me as a fast learner and I'd be willing to carry out reviews and so he should hit me up when next he is in town.

I am a terrible person but there is woman out there who'd thank me immensely for this stroke tutorial email.

whoever you end up being- chanel earrings are  a good way to say thanks!

Update

Third and probably final installation of my little sexcapade.


I felt my partner might have been getting a bit too involved and I had to remind him that I was not in the market for anything more than what we had.

I do not think he took it well.

Actually he didn't because we said we should cancel our hook up session after he tried to bait me into having a fight about nothing.


And I said okay.

so why has my darling been calling me, round the clock? and messaging me? and sending me voice notes?

I think he is surprised I am ignoring them.
but to be fair.
All I want is good sex with minimal emotional labor.

the reason I had to remind him that we were not anything concrete was that he had spent friday night dragging me around Lagos and I kinda wasn't interested.

Oh ALSO, one of his friends invited me and him as a Unit - Unit because the word couple gives me hives- to dinner at his house. And that really freaked me out.

Because ya girl is not emotionally mature enough to know how to be friends with the men she has causal sexual relations with.

So I might have panicked.

I mean I knew this whole thing was going to end, I just didn't think it'd end with him trying to literally finesse me into ship of sorts.

Also I just realized how difficult it is to get a reaction out of me, these days.
Like I was uninterested.
Me 3 years ago would have written an essay trying to convey, poorly mind you, how and why I hate certain actions.
But now, I'm just like "Okay".

In the words of Kanye west, you can either leave or live with it.
There is no need for non stop deliberation on issues that will never change.

That being said.
I will miss having such delicious sex.

Like hayyyy.
My vagina is heart broken.

Lets talk about sex baybee

So guys.

I have been having the most delicious sex of my life.

With the absolute worst person I can even ever imagine.

Like if this is not a catch 22. I do not know what it is,

You know when something is clearly bad for you but is so good so you are just like yah- fuck it?

Exactment.

I was telling my friend that this sex is the single  most delicious sin that Jesus Christ died for.


Now this presents two problems for me.

1-I think my boy is already catching the feelings and
2- I did not think this my clandestine hotel popping behavior through properly.

and your girl is unwilling to actually go to his house because- eek.
Actually since I gave up men and the concept of relationships; I stopped going to men's houses.

And I think I am about to break that.

Don't have sex outside marriage kids.  It will ruin you.

But in a good way because when you get into childs pose at yoga, you feel a twinge in your innner thigh and you smile.

Also, I'm not a huge kisser.  This stems from ( nvm will talk about that later). but I have def not been a big saliva swapper, especially casually.

But beloved. being kissed all over every where has never felt this good.
and how is it at almost 30, that I figure I might have been kissing all wrong?

The kisses are like learning a new language in  first person real time, only me only now. everything ceases to exist.

Beloved. this is the sex that the M&B authors speak off. The sex is seamless. The banter is LIT. There is such comfort that I'm like OMG OMG OMG.

And this is an unreasonable amount of sex, I only just realized this when I looked through my dwindling stash of condoms, that I'm running up some serious mileage on my vagina.

Anyway I realized that this might be a problem for me when I found myself driving down to my house at 5:20am without underwear from an impromptu sex session.

But this is a problem I welcome with open arms.

I was talking to my friend about it and he said, you have sex with someone three times in one week sis you are in a relationship.

Me: Yes with his penis.

Now back to the person who I am having this glorious sex with.

He is physically, not my type. I do not have a type, but if I did it won't be him.
Conventionally he is unattractive and lives a very alte lifestyle that doesn't really agree with me.
And he has these weird ass friends, that he keeps trying to get me to hang out with in the strangest places.
And quite frankly- I can't stand him.

None the less, the energy between our bodies might be visible to even the most un-discerning because, I was leaving the club on Saturday night with someone else AND he stopped by to hug me.  Someone pulled me aside and said : I hope you aren't fucking that guy.

And I lied.

I think that was the first time I realized that maybe this thing might be stressful.
Like why did I lie?

I mean, I'm single, I'm allowed to be sleeping with who ever I want and here I am having the most delicious sex and i'm lying about it.

And I have been thinking about why I lied, and I'm coming up blank.

Ps: I met someone who might just be a thing.
pss: not the sex boy
psss: How can I bottle this delicious sex and make it last so perfectly?
pssss: I realise that It might seem like I am exaggerating, but beloved, I do not even have the worlds to accurately describe the perfection that these sessions are.
psssss: It gets better. the sex. every time is better than the last. It makes no sense.