Emails at 1am

This week the love of my life Uloh was in town.
Sooo we went out eating drinking running and just generally doing nuisancey shit around town.

Friday night comes and we inevitably end up at velvett because you know that's where my heart resides.

I walk my friend out and on my way in I see someone who I have had repeated flirtations with but for some reason logistically we have been unable to consumate our flirtations.

 he pulls me into a corner, we talk for a bit- how long have you been in town, when do you leave type conversations and then he asks what I'm doing after this.
I'm like well I'm with friends

He looks at me, gives me his hotel room key and says I'm at XYZ hotel lose your friends in an hour and come meet me.

Sounded very good to me so I plead with the love of my life to drive herself home, even though its roughly 4 am and she doesn't live in lagos.

we text back and forth for a bit and then I force my lover's hand and she agreed so
I took an uber to meet my host.

Who was absolutely so sweet to me.
Offered me drinks even though I had had waay too much to drink and then took off his clothes and proceeded to give me the most miserable porn-esque sex of my whole entire adult life.

I had to tap out and tell him we could try this tomorrow because -someone telling you they want to split you in two does not sound sexy AT ALL.

and I kinda think he meant it.

Also the sex was Zero.
 zero technique.
Zero finesse.
Zero everything.


And I feel awful because we had such good conversation the morning after and when he looks so good on paper
but beloved, I was glad to see the end of that.

Anyway I'm gisting my home girl when he is like why didn't you let him know

I'm like- ehn let him know what?
and she was l

So at 1am I drafted a very pleasant email with many stories but koko was that - his penis was too beautiful for his stroke game is scatter the whole thing and that he strikes me as a fast learner and I'd be willing to carry out reviews and so he should hit me up when next he is in town.

I am a terrible person but there is woman out there who'd thank me immensely for this stroke tutorial email.

whoever you end up being- chanel earrings are  a good way to say thanks!