Sometimes, I like to write.

I like to churn out decent pieces and then discard them

or leave them sitting in my drafts.

Other times, I write to relive the moments shared with loved ones

Most times I write, Because I can.

And even when I do not get paid for it,

I do it because it is my release- after struggling with excel sheets all day.

I come here to just pour out what I feel, How I feel, when I do not feel like punctuating,

or spell checking, or googling facts, I just come here and spew forth my bull shit.

My friend from work resigned on friday- Just after we returned from SA, talk about awoof.com

LOL- I keep teasing her that she may have to refund her ticket money.

She laughs.

I like my new senior- at least the one I've had in the last 2 months.

She can scream at me, and in the next minute, we are abusing kim k.

She reminds me so much of my table facilitator- Claudia.

Anyway that is besides the point. Appraisal time is here, and yours truly is reluctant to send in her apprasials.

Why? Its been a fucked up half year- To say the least.

My 1st job this year was a mess, my manager was mean- and I was a weakling who kept crying.

Unfortunately or maybe fortunately for me- My second job was with the same senior who I worked on the same job with. And I brought my A-game.

I hate feeling like I have so much to prove, but I'm learning that I do have so much to prove, to myself, my senior and my various managers.
I also have to prove to bad-belle people in the firm that irrespective of my mothers relationship with the Big Bosses- I can hold my own in my own right.

And I think I am doing this quite well.

I've had only one major breakdown this year in Janury - and that was basically because, my then manager was MEAN.

But that isn't the point. APR's are here and I've been excited with feed back.

My favourite manager has told me to submit my APR. He promised to list of my audit outstandings when I submit it.

Speaking of APR's my counsellor is on leave. How apt. Especially with all the rumours swirling around the office- He managed to go on leave.

Speaking of leave- I need to go on another holiday- I know this would be the third one this year.

I am excited!

My Lovers neighbour was telling me yesterday how thankful he is- that he is male. He said " I doubt I would have been able to resist the pull of aristo"

Speaking of The Lover, We had breakfast on Saturday with my friend from work- same one who quit, and it was absolutely divine. It is one of those memories I will cherish to pull out and caress when I go to school.

And yes- I still intend to go to school, eventhough I am yet to send out my applications.

I think there is a demon involved. holding me back

and this demon has string affiliations with my fear of rejection.

Which is odd- Because I have no fears of rejection.

Its the least thing I worry about- Most times, I believe everyone wants to be my friend.

Is that odd? or a wrapped sense of entitlement?

My mothers birthday is coming- still no grand children, Just thanks and thanks and more thanks.

We are thankful to God.

Now what I really need to understand, is why Im sitting at work at 8:36pm blogging?

Why haven't I gone home?

Why am I strange?

and most importantly- Why does the Lover love me?

The last question is nagging in my subconscious terribly because he has told me " I don't know. I just do"

If I were not an accountant- I wont have felt the need to further probe.

I cant seem to figure it out, and its driving me craaaaaayyyyy- Especially seeing as I'm not a fixer.

Anyway enough of my aimless rambling- How is everyone?

and why the hell am I feeling what seems suspiciously like menstrual pain- Its not 30 days yet uterus, get with the program.

I swear I'm probably the only one on this earth, who doesn't count her days and doesn't carry around a tampon. What can I say- I Like surprises( I think)

even though getting stained by the red robot isn't my idea of a surprise- It is a pleasant surprise.

And oooh Comments!

I get one every now and then- Then you my kind people, while my blog posts are random and not necessarily designed to seek out comments- They are nice.  and I appreciate them.

and would soon develop some guts and start posting some around as well. Anyways thank you all of you that think I'm so bubbly!

Okay this pain is killing me. Gatta run!

Eyebrows and Managers

People usually see me and assume i spend a huge amount on my nails, or hair or whatever.

That is not true. But that is besides the point.

I constantly search out ways to find cheaper things all the time.

However I've  found that Lagos girls people  are never too pleased with me when they ask me about something,

and I say- oh I got it at the market, or so its at so and so and so.

First off they give me that- Urgh you go to the market look.

then never ask me ever again- Which I really do not mind.

Lately its my eyebrows. This girl in my office had been commenting on the shape of my brows repeatedly for maybe  2 weeks or so.

I just smile and say thank you. never saying anything.

However when we were in Abuja for work she came along, and continued to make a fuss about them.

Then I figured I should just tell her the truth about my art work drawings every morning.- Before one day she will see me without them and die of shock.

So one morning over breakfast after she made a fuss, I casually mentioned how Its all pencil and I really have no eye brows or so to speak.

Next thing she asked-

What Shop in the UK did I buy my eye pencil.

I said oh- my friend gave it me

which technically isn't a lie as steph gave it to me, and I'm positive she bought it in FESTAC.

so yesterday at work, she waylaid me and said i have to show her this eye pencil, that its sooo nice and yada yada yada.

So eventually sent her the picture.

Her response- It doesn't look like its from the UK.

me : *ends chat*


And I wish my manager would just over look the fact that I'm a later comer to work.

because I work extra hours- Everyday. and i deliver on time. So what does coming early really have to do with anything.

Today he threatened to pull me out of the job because I came in 50 mins late.

Fuck that shit. the office stays putting me on clients that are at the opposite end of town, every fucking time.

Like its my fault i live close to the office.

And to think I applied because it was so close to home.

Hiss.

I know I said I wont complain this year- But that phone call really rattled me.

Especially since I just realised that this isnt what i want to do anymore.

Make Partner- Yes.

Make Money- Hell yes. and making partner wont even give me that kind of money.

I need to finish my essays and apply to schools.

I need to get away from work.

URGH

*throws laptop against the wall*

i cant believe the average class score of GMAT for cambridge is 690.

not only that but i have tto write an essay about my future career path.

Please do i look like a sooth sayer?

How many people are able to say this is what i know i want to do with my life at 22?

scratch that. apparently many people know.

although this is inherently lazy, i am contemplating having one of those PFL people aid my application.

yes i know its lazy, but i fear if i go through this with no one holding my hand, i will quit and slip into a bridezilla, except its not a wedding but a masters.

urgh urgh urgh!!!!!!

Applications and shi

I am excited to announce that i have started applying for my schools!

yay me. by February i intend to start taking the very expensive GMat classes.

im stoked about the whole thing.

Only downside- i have problems making friends AND i will miss my loved ones terribly.

and obviously this is the ideal time to swallow all my " i cant do LDR words back"

off kess this would be a test and strain on what i have going on with the lover. but since no one sees the future i dont know.

as usual with new experiences, i will keep a hand written journal.

hopefully it would make my writing better.

- i siwear God intended for me to be a doctor, my writing is nothing like a stingy accountants own.

i find myself giving my sister more room since she returned. having to go to work all day must be

the reason, or maybe ive grown.

offcourse i have to establish boundaries but yes our relationship works fine.

something my subconcious needs to do is to stop catering for people.

its how i was rasied, and probably because of the nature of the family i come from( people dropping in unannounced and shit all the time) I am able to whip up meals on the spot.

say 15 mins typa whip up. obviously not chef fregz style, but enough to sate appetites of growling stomachs.

this is my gift and curse.

at least from what i gather on twitter anyways. LOL

I still have nothing to wear.

and i somewhat still worry that not having a particular set of friends will make me end up like those people who have no one to holiday with them. blame sex and the city and shit. for giving me the impression that all women have a group of friends that have coffee during lunch breaks on the side walk smoking cigars and discussing sex.

i am obviously the exception.

and talk less of a year with People i do not know and have no fucking idea about- urgh this gives me shivers. who will i cry too, and force over to help me clean up my closet or even dash out my clothes that only God knows why i buy them when i have no intention of ever wearing them.

whoooo? * bursts into tears*

but this doesnt make me any less excited about school sha!

i guess what sprang this whole friendship rethink was on new years i ran into my friend from High school.

i mean i stay steady meeting people i went to Qc with and we can have conversations.

and we laugh and its like nothing changed- except i have less pimples now.

So you can imagine my shock when i ran into my "friend" and she was cold.

i mean she hugged me, but acted like- she couldnt be bothered to relate with me.

Then i was too excited to even realise until later when i contemplated trying to invite her for lunch with the rest of my friends from QC and decided against it.

Do people change? Because she had an accent. and lots of powder,amd 26 inch "cambodian" hair.

But does all that really change who you are? or was she never even friends with me from QC.

although these questions arent important to keep me up at night, they are important so i know how to tread when adressing/ relating to my other "just got back-ers"

although to be fair- none of the other ones have been that way.

I guess its weird having to accept someone not wanting to revel in my greatness.

i resume Gym runs tomorrow- Can i get an AMEN.

shamlessly in a bid to get into decent shape for the wedding with the lover on saturday.

STILL, no dress and No nails and no idea on what to do to my hair. :(

ps what color can one wear lilac with? i'd hate to end up looking like the color wheel, all in the name of fashion.