Monday, June 11, 2012

Sometimes, I like to write.

I like to churn out decent pieces and then discard them

or leave them sitting in my drafts.

Other times, I write to relive the moments shared with loved ones

Most times I write, Because I can.

And even when I do not get paid for it,

I do it because it is my release- after struggling with excel sheets all day.

I come here to just pour out what I feel, How I feel, when I do not feel like punctuating,

or spell checking, or googling facts, I just come here and spew forth my bull shit.

My friend from work resigned on friday- Just after we returned from SA, talk about awoof.com

LOL- I keep teasing her that she may have to refund her ticket money.

She laughs.

I like my new senior- at least the one I've had in the last 2 months.

She can scream at me, and in the next minute, we are abusing kim k.

She reminds me so much of my table facilitator- Claudia.

Anyway that is besides the point. Appraisal time is here, and yours truly is reluctant to send in her apprasials.

Why? Its been a fucked up half year- To say the least.

My 1st job this year was a mess, my manager was mean- and I was a weakling who kept crying.

Unfortunately or maybe fortunately for me- My second job was with the same senior who I worked on the same job with. And I brought my A-game.

I hate feeling like I have so much to prove, but I'm learning that I do have so much to prove, to myself, my senior and my various managers.
I also have to prove to bad-belle people in the firm that irrespective of my mothers relationship with the Big Bosses- I can hold my own in my own right.

And I think I am doing this quite well.

I've had only one major breakdown this year in Janury - and that was basically because, my then manager was MEAN.

But that isn't the point. APR's are here and I've been excited with feed back.

My favourite manager has told me to submit my APR. He promised to list of my audit outstandings when I submit it.

Speaking of APR's my counsellor is on leave. How apt. Especially with all the rumours swirling around the office- He managed to go on leave.

Speaking of leave- I need to go on another holiday- I know this would be the third one this year.

I am excited!

My Lovers neighbour was telling me yesterday how thankful he is- that he is male. He said " I doubt I would have been able to resist the pull of aristo"

Speaking of The Lover, We had breakfast on Saturday with my friend from work- same one who quit, and it was absolutely divine. It is one of those memories I will cherish to pull out and caress when I go to school.

And yes- I still intend to go to school, eventhough I am yet to send out my applications.

I think there is a demon involved. holding me back

and this demon has string affiliations with my fear of rejection.

Which is odd- Because I have no fears of rejection.

Its the least thing I worry about- Most times, I believe everyone wants to be my friend.

Is that odd? or a wrapped sense of entitlement?

My mothers birthday is coming- still no grand children, Just thanks and thanks and more thanks.

We are thankful to God.

Now what I really need to understand, is why Im sitting at work at 8:36pm blogging?

Why haven't I gone home?

Why am I strange?

and most importantly- Why does the Lover love me?

The last question is nagging in my subconscious terribly because he has told me " I don't know. I just do"

If I were not an accountant- I wont have felt the need to further probe.

I cant seem to figure it out, and its driving me craaaaaayyyyy- Especially seeing as I'm not a fixer.

Anyway enough of my aimless rambling- How is everyone?

and why the hell am I feeling what seems suspiciously like menstrual pain- Its not 30 days yet uterus, get with the program.

I swear I'm probably the only one on this earth, who doesn't count her days and doesn't carry around a tampon. What can I say- I Like surprises( I think)

even though getting stained by the red robot isn't my idea of a surprise- It is a pleasant surprise.

And oooh Comments!

I get one every now and then- Then you my kind people, while my blog posts are random and not necessarily designed to seek out comments- They are nice.  and I appreciate them.

and would soon develop some guts and start posting some around as well. Anyways thank you all of you that think I'm so bubbly!

Okay this pain is killing me. Gatta run!

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