Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Acknowledgements

When you start a journey.
You make a plan.

You have a map.
What you don't do- is give much though to those you meet on the journey.

Today I had to write an acknowledgement for my report.

And I froze- I still haven't written it.

But I just realized how much help I had on the journey.

And how little my plan mattered, and How important the people I met on the journey were.

And I am getting emotional trying to condense the last year into three concise lines- in accepatable academic lingo and  I ended up here on my blog. In my safe place.


Just so thankful.
So much gratitude.

Half of me cant believe I'm here, the other half cant believe how I even got here.

Yet here I am. Survivor.

So thank you. I acknowledge you.

And I remain indebted to you for all you did.





Holidays and The Ever Elusive Perfect body.

Urgh. Not the body talk again.

I know.
I just wanted to let every one know that I would be going under the knife to achieve those abs that have been avoiding me.

LOL. That is a lie.
This is the mini body rant.


Miami in a week- And I am still not bikini body ready.

Which is obviously why I bought a once piece with the most beautiful coverall.

I will not reduce my bride price or allow people ask me wretched questions like - So how far along are you now?

LOL.

I am exaggarating. No one in their right mind asks me such a question, without getting slapped.

Verbally.

Although in my mind- I drop kick them with my never ending legs.

Houston has been amazing. I can actually move here, But I wont because I am not mad.

This is by far the best holiday in a while.

Lesson to self: stop waiting for people to make plans.

Make your plans and people will fall in line.

PS: ALSO CHOOSE FORGIVENESS ALWAYS.

pss: And when giving blow jobs, do it on your knees. It is easier on your neck.

psss: virtual cookies for anyone who can tell me where that line came from.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Rambling

I love to travel but I hate to pack.

Ina bid to save some money I was going to spend the night at my friends house and get a cab to heathrow.

My Aunt who is super intuitive, and such a bad bitch offered to pay for my cab provided I come see her tomorrow morning before I leave.

her husband called the taxi and she made the payment online. All of this was done in 10 minutes.

Even though I told her I would not have minded if she put the money towards my black dress fund.

Yes- That is still a thing.

Meanwhile- MIAMI!!!!

I am so excited to be going to miami, Asides the fact that the kardashians have taken the city iver and over again.

Hello Sun,Sand and sea ( Limca!). The constant raining in Scotland was driving me crzy.

So I popped into Coventry where I drank more than the recommended 5.6 units of alcohol per week in three days.

I plan to give up alcohol for Lent.

Which Is intense because- I get to Miami on Ash Wednesday.

And I had so many plans for all the mimosa's I was going to wake up to.

Anyway as an aside two amazing things happened to me today.
1- I lost my travel card at stratford- I stopped by to do some last minute, last minute shopping.

And the guy at the ticket gate let me through.

2- I stumbled across the krispy kreme stand and the lady gave me an extra doughnut because- I looked like I needed it.

The awoof lover in me could not  resist.

My Bikini body for the beach is obv on the shelf.

Last night in Cov, we found a karaoke bar- i should upload the videos.

Can I point out how I hate hate hate that some women get engaged and change thier instagram bio's to " wife to be"!

Hello can we live in the present please.

My friends accused me of working out simply because I did not want to improve on my personality and become a better person.

Me- urm girls, I do not think the men in my life can fuck my personality.

Everyone- Erupts into laughter.

I really need to stop drinking.
And I need men to start handling rejection a lot better.

I get that the worst thing to happen to them are bad games by the sports team they support. but Im going to need them to handle rejection better.

Dear men- embrace failure and fail forward.

Speaking to failure- Can you really really really really move forward from like an old relationship and not screw up the new one with the supposed lessons you are coming with?

Like why can't we just get clean slates- mentally.

In recent times, I am coming to terms with the fact that I am passive aggressive and I Love it.

I have been agressive all my life. so This passive. Has me like - Oh I do not quite not like you.

Yes figure it out now.

LOL.

This post is everywhere. I really need to settle down and write something coherent soon.

Dear readers, bear with me.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

It kills me.


ALL the memories in this world- are attached to THIS DAMN SONG.

I still love it sha.


Monday, February 17, 2014

Stereotypes

How believable are stereotypes?
I ask because I get labelled with the most random types.

for instance - I meet people off  the internet twitter and they hit me with
" Oh I cant believe you are tall. you do not tweet like a tall person"

LOL how do tall people tweet?

Or the one I get the most in real life- You do not look like you have long hair.

Because I am Nigerian with relaxed hair, I think I am expected to have short hair not almost bra length hair.

LOL it makes no sense.

Stereotyping is awkward- and usually incorrect.

But as much as I hate it, I am the Queen of stereotyping, how else am I supposed to categorize the men I meet, if I do not use the stereotypes?


I have had waaaaaaaay too much to drink tonight so all errors belong to me.

PS- I do not usually drink 4 bottles of wine of Monday nights, I came to visit my friends and we just had a cook in with slcohol and here I am.
Twerking to Up down and being a general nuisance.

Do you have friends who you have had for over 10 years?

These ones are one of my most loyal set.

I am crazy about these day one niggas abeg. These wipe my tears dry ass type niggas.

i needto ask something about giving the opposite sex green light. but when im more coherent.


bye.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Independent Woman Circa DC3 single

I must have been in Js3 when that single dropped.

The shoes on my feet - I bought it
Clothes I'm wearing- I bought it

The song goes further to point out the fact that the car and the house were bought by the independent women.

I sang along- even though I have never ever ever been truly independent.

Not in Js3. and Definitely not now, almost 15 years later.

And nothing makes me more aware of how " dependent" I am- than having travelling all the way from Scotland to London by the train and praying fervently for a nice man to offer to carry mu suitcases down the stairs.

One - Dear TFL, why do stations still exist without step free access? in 2014?

Two - to the Premium Vanilla Brazilian looking young man who offered to help me carry my bag even when I mentioned it was heavy and did not once drop the bag the whole flight of stairs.

Thank you. You make dependence bearable.

Three and finally I think I have a shopping problem. I might be addicted to retail.

That being said I honestly look forward to when I can say I am independent and sing along to DC3 without my conscience taunting me. Until then if you are willing to buy me shoes or clothes I wont say no.

ps: Is it possible to get married in black?
I found the most delicious dress in Black yesterday.

The dress gave me - THAT body.

I mean I have the body or rather I'm currently on my way to getting that body BUT this dress takes me all the way there.

If the spirit leads you- in the spirit of Valentine or any other reason you have my email. get at me.

If the spirit does not lead you and you still think I deserve that dress. get at me.

If you need to see me in the black dress. Get at me. or my instagram here

Happy Valentines day all. I wish all of you who have chosen Love over fear the best and lots and lots of hapiness.

pss: I suspect a lot of women are side chics- where are all the presents your boo gave you?

psss: except that one girl whose boyfriend gave her 7 bottles of perfume- which invariably begs the question, does she smell?




Saturday, February 1, 2014

On men and Shoes.

My family friend just moved from America to London. As is natural, I did some online shopping and had them ship my stuff to his house before he moved.

What did I buy? shoes.

And on the phone tonight while we were making plans for me to stop over in London, get my shoes, cook him dinner for a few days among other things he pointed me to  very very very important self flaw.

I lie to myself.

Last time we were together in America we went shopping together, and I bought a bunch of shoes, all the while repeating how and I quote " I really hate shoes/ shoes are really not my thing, I'm really a bad girl".

My Nigga was like- I swear you keep talking about how you hate shoes- But you bought 10 pairs the other day, you had me buy two extra pairs and you do not really like shoes?

Maybe you say that to yourself, but you need to face up to the fact that you are a shoe lover.

Side bar- I swear in my heart, I really am a bag girl.

So after that we just randomly touched base on a bunch of stuff. Lagos, mutual friends back home.

And obviously the men in my life- after which we concluded that
1- Niggas aint shit.
2- I'm not ready for Nigerian men
3- I use the term " Lean-in" waaaaay too much for someone who hasn't even read the book.

Randomly I love how we just had seamless conversation from topic to topic about nothing and everything.

Good conversations that to do veer towards marriage are everything.

Lord give me more of those.

Drive

You drive I'm assuming? Your assumptions are correct, do you need me to pick you up? No, but thank you. You are welcome. ...