Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Fingers. Hair

I did not want to write about fingers because they bring back the most delicious thoughts of my most salacious activities in the worst possible way. But fret not, I have not done porn yet.

I have the most complex relationship with my hair and fingers.

In that I Love fingers running through my hair.

But lately I haven't wanted anyone running fingers through my hair.

Or anything really ( I may be lying- but who cares?)

I recently found out that I liked holding hands and  linking fingers with people.

Which is truly strange because I actually hate leaving my hands in people's palms?

Lots of things are so strange these days.

My hair is the shortest I've had it since birth and now I'm liking holding hands.

For someone who is swirling in confusion, I quite like it.

for the first time in  a long time, I made..

Never mind what I made.

Just don't run your hands through my hair anymore.

Because that ship has sailed, and left you behind.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Villain. Sister. Drunk

What makes someone a Villain?

Is it the bad things they do to the protagonist in a story?

Or is it the fact that they never get to tell their own story?

My relationship with my only sister has been for lack of a better word stressful.

And sometimes I wonder if that makes her the villain in my life's story.

She constantly moves my things around; she takes what I specifically tell her NOT  to take,

But I do not think it makes her a bad person, because villains are not one dimensional.

They are living, breathing sometimes drunk people who do shit to stress you out.

Friday, November 25, 2016



I'm going to talk about the gift and curse of feeling things a bit too deeply, and how I embraced

Step 1. I read Paulo Cohelo's the way of the bow and the four agreements by Don miguel Ruiz.

Lots of people say it's fluff reading.

But both of them taught me to not take anything personal.

In realising it's not you, Its literally them, there is some form of peace and you find that there is some space in your heart for things that truly matter.

Like cholesterol from the Steak I could have been eating this afternoon if I decided to play truant AND not even come into work today.

But old habits die hard.

Step 2. Read step 1, Drink some red wine and ask your self why?
-why am I so upset?
-What is triggering these emotions that run so deep?
-Do I ever plan to address these issues?

Step 3: Honesty has a way of bringing you peace.

And it gives you ease of mind, I have always always always been a fan of love that is erratic and butterfly filled and just crazy stupid passionately drowning.


Because what else is there to do than to put your heart to work, pumping blood at a rate that feels like your heart will burst?

Suggestion: Nothing

In as much as I feel the crazyness of the love that is erratic, I can swear to you that you need your head.

even better put pen to paper and write.

Write out what you want AND then tell your heart to do what you want.

Step 4:

Be steeped in it, as an unashamed lover girl, y'all know by now that I'm a lean mean fronting machine.

I stopped fronting. Going all in ensured that I put my back and best into ventures and I was able to pull out when said ventures stopped serving me.

There is literally nothing else to be done.

Your best was not good enough.

And your heart makes peace with that fact and lets you have peace.


I am generally thankful person.

I try my best not to grumble and I always try to see the best of every situation.

But this year has been TRYING, for lack of a better word, so when thanksgiving came around and I

was out of Lagos I just kneewwwww in my heart of hearts that I had to host a friendsgiving shindig.

So quick shout out to everyone through who came at such short notice.

It was truly a perfect night.

My heart is full and I am bursting with pleasure at the thought of the memories of last night.

Like today I just remembered something and burst into like loud laughter. more like cackle because

y'all know I am truly reckless.

Debo called me today and said he was about to file an official complaint against whoever was

holding  me in Abuja.

Debo that would be my credit alert at Month end for real.

But Truly Truly Truly the blood shared on the battle field of life is superior to the water of the womb.

Also did the most lavish mannequin challenge video and it was perfect...

I think my life is pretty perfect now tbh, and that makes me happy.

What are you thankful for this year?

Thursday, November 24, 2016


I remember watching the Bone Collector on DBN's NightShift.

( I just realised I might be a collectors Item)

I actually know people that did not meet DBN.


When things grow we never pay attention.- Well I don't.

Because  I'm carried away, with sinew with muscle

With flesh.

With Blood

And everything but bones.

Lately I am finding a new found love for Bones.

Solid, dependable and without wax.

And also because I am finding the act of stripping down

to the bone of certain matters therapeutic.

Like picking at scabs,

We should leave to heal but we do not any way.

Because we are all a bit crazy.

Well I'm finding that to be true about me,

Wednesday, November 23, 2016


and you take a bite of reality,

And you begin to chew, slowly ,

Savouring the favors

And just enjoying the textures in your mouth,

Then a sharp sensation, because it's not pain

It's a jolt.

It is exactly what you feel with you bite on foil with an amalgam filling.

Except it's 10 times worse, and then it hits you,

You either have to spit out reality

Or you lose a tooth.

Guess which went?

(hint: I have 30 teeth left, but I'm chewing till the wheels come off)

Tuesday, November 22, 2016


When I saw this prompt all I could think of was this quote


I like the beginning of things.

I'm not a slow starter so I put my back into most things when I start.

I'm the self starter that smoulders like coal.

I tell myself , you do not want flames, smouldering is better, the residue is more solid.

Then I kick in, and start stoking the fire.

Some olive branches of affection serve as tinder.

My best behavior as oxygen.

Then flames. Bright. High. Hot

Fiery Red.

In this moment, I am all of a sudden disinterested in this fire.

And flames change to blue.

They say the flame that burns twice as bright burns out in half the time.

They never lied.

Sometimes, I see embers and  last minute I try to revive the fire.

But every time,

Every time, all that is left , is a pile of ash.

And what else is left to do with ash, than to rise like a phoenix?

You tell me.

Monday, November 21, 2016

30 Day Challenge

Today starts the writing challenge.


For a long time, I always assumed that someone would swoop in and save me and be my hero.

But I'm finding that, like broken down vehicles, people only come to your aid when they see you

come down, pop open the hood of the car, and pretend to stare intently at what you do not know,

Then  the Hero comes amidst the noise makers who start asking questions, "Do you have water for

the radiator?" or just generally commenting " Ah this over heating is serious, Aunt-ee why did you

not check your water today?".

I find that the Hero takes charge, the hero does not ask stupid rhetorical questions,  the Hero makes

no foolish comments, the Hero just gets to work.

The Hero asks " Is there someone who you can call to be get you to your destination in the unlikely

event that we can not sort this out?"

But the beauty about the Hero, is how they are always the most unlikely people, in the most

implausible situations, offering assistance. Invariably shaming the people you hoped would help you.

I find that taking the first step towards a solution in any direction, invariably brings noise makers,

but going placidly towards a solution, brings the Hero. The Hero is always there, we just need to

listen, pay attention and be aware.

I have no idea how or why, but that's just how it works.

Update: In a bid to be more accountable, I am writing these 30 days along with D (who writes here),

who has so  graciously decided to write along me till the wheels fall off. ( Hopefully this happens

after 30 days). Show him some love.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Strokes and Vibes

Can we agree that maybe I should regroup this 30 day challenge?

Because I have missed three days and  I think I want to collaborate with my friend to keep ourselves accountable?

Sha. We have to agree.

This weekend was so for lack of a better word interesting.

Because I went to see Femi Kuti with my girl Steph and it was such a good show.

From there a bunch of us went to some 24 hour restaurant type place  (That has MUCH better food than prime chinese -Lagos take note) and had salads because Whole 30 perfection.

Saturday had me seeing friends I hadn't seen in AGES, and having candid conversations and just basically chilling.

I also popped into vanilla and it was nice to finally see the selfie mirror. You guys my selfie game is so poor. *In rekado banks voice* its a problem.

and came back to my hotel to catch up on ALL the sleep I missed out this week.

Sunday had me attempt to finish coloring the first page of my coloring book.

And offer running commentary for my friends golf practice.

Take aways from the weekend, I need to Focus.

Also I;m doing a lot of 2016 stock taking and my God, I think I left too much that concerned me in the hands of people that had no business.

in 2017. Iyalaya Anybody that tries me.

will be resetting dynamics and what not.

I am also thankful for this Abuja trip because I found the much needed rest and reset I needed.

I'm not missing meals and my skin is good and my whole 30 looks perfect.

and I am truly thankful for answered prayers.

Contemplating hosting a thanksgiving dinner on Thursday at one of my fave resturants, because I love my abuja fam bam and I am here so I might as well be present & Thankful.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Day 1: Love


I know.

First a love quote:

There are lovers content with longing, I am not one of them- Rumi

Here are a few things I am currently loving (In no particular order)

-Emeli sande's new album (I'm actually looking up tour dates)- faves for now include Babe, Sweet Architect, I'd rather not.

-Wendy's blog and these three posts on love.

This ,This and Thisss

Most especially the last one.

- The 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 test.
You really need to follow me on twitter to get the general gist, but basically a good test before you let someone into your life and grant them the capacity to wreck you; you need to carry out the above test.

It's basically substituting the love in those verses, with the persons name.

So for example,

4. Love Ore is patient, love Ore is kind. It Ore does not envy[ Her friends designer bag] , it Ore does not boast [ about how perfect her finances are], it  Ore is not proud [ If you stopped here to laugh, It's fine, I laughed too].

You get the drift. I'm not completing it because it is abysmal how I fail this test.

 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I always hope sha so.

But you get the point.
This is also always the goal,always has been. to be 1 Cor 13:4-8 compliant.


Now some of us are not Christians,  this is fine, I suggest the invitation by Oriah mountain dreamer.

 It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.
It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

It is a good way to know if said person deserves to darken the door step of the gate where you keep your heart under lock and key (to which Dj Khaled holds the major one)

So those are my take away's on love.

Beloved, this goes beyond letting one's penis into your love garden. Because the hurt that brings heals but letting the wrong person in, fractures you. In ways where you eventually decide to put yourself together again; you are a whole new different person.

And Trust me. That sucks, especially if you liked the old you alot.

Ps: I have a bunch of people reaching out to me, wanting to be there for me.
Thank you, but if I didn't send for you. Please do not come and want to be there for me.

I know how rude it sounds, but really please. Just PLEASE.

Thank you.

Pss: Everytime we speak of  love, we often negate the first line of love, the love our friends give us.

So my friends, Thank you.

You have loved me tenderly and gently and all the ways I have needed to be loved.

And I am thankful. Truly *In donald trumps voice*

Psss: My friend M, got engaged this week and I was about to combust from the pleasure of the news.

No really. If I could, I would have.

Pssss: You should really follow me on twitter, today I had a few solid  gems on there. Solid, Bigly and any other newly created trump adjective.

I find it weird how Americans voted for a man that said "Bigly" and they get a dictionary in Microsoft word? *insert eye roll*

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

A whole 30 days of blogging

I miss blogging so honestly so much.

I came across a 2010 post when I spoke about how much I missed #Thelover but was never going to tell him.

ah best times.

coinciding with my whole 30 which took a hit last night because I followed my friend to go and watch the accountant (Because she promised her boyfriend she would not see doctor strange without him), and she bought popcorn

And I ate.

You are not allowed to eat popcorn or rice or pasta.

I'm going to my friends house to cook me a whole 30 dinner.

mince meat and mushroom sauce with yam or sweet potatoe or plantain.

I think what I would miss the most is the rice & beans from chicken republic.


Does anyone know of a site where I can get a promter/topic for a 30/20 day blogging type guide?

Or should I just be random with it?

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Day Trip To Paris

I would be going on my second to the  last vacation in December ( I know I know)

But I would be in London for a few days maybe 5, But for some reason I am DYING, just dying to go to Paris for a day.

I have been to Paris Twice before but NEVER alone.

Because- what sort of sad person goes to the city of lights alone?

(Hint: the person who is in the frame of mind I am currently at)

I do not really have anything I am going to do in Paris per say.

I think I just want to go somewhere get lost (because I speak zero french) and at the end of the day
pack my things and come back home.

Does anyone else feel the same when they can't hack the head space they are in?

Also how sad on a scale of 1 to Americans voted for Trump is me going to Paris alone in winter?

(Hint: Very I know, I also kind of do not care)

Monday, November 14, 2016

I'm contemplating the Whole 30 because,

I want luminous skin that looks like it has been airbrushed by your fave Instagram photo retoucher,

I want body fluids that taste like ambrosia

And I want a sex drive that goes from zero to 100 in 3.5seconds rivalling your MCM's dream Ferrari.

I also need the get rid of these menstural cramps that ( while I'm grateful for not being pregnant), I ca t understand why they hurt so much.

I am also at a place in my life where I'm leaning into changes so why not?

I am so excited about starting the Whole 30. And trying to prepare my mind for it because - In December from the 15th, my calendar is full and I'm just trying to be ready for all the champagne that I will be drinking.

My friend Debo is getting married ! Semi surreal.
My Friend Tola is also getting married.

So as you can see- there is no way I can risk not being able to drink alcohol and these events!

None the less it is particularly difficult for me because I'm currently in my favorite hotel in what might just become one of my best cities in Nigeria( only because of how convienet life here is)

Ps: how do I go about drinking more water?

I'm doing less than 750cl/ day and my pee tells me Das not gud.

Monday, November 7, 2016


Two posts in one day,

you guys are lucky.

Just popping in over  here to state categorically that I love my hair cut.

My New driver starts Tomorrow (Can someone say Big girl?)

I actually just printed out guarantor forms.

Some times I can not believe that This is my life RN.

Like, It is surreal.

But I am thankful.

I also think I am relieved.

But I am mostly thankful.

This year I'm learning that No is an answer that God gives as well.

And the answer comes with a bout of peace you can't buy in the market.

Totally Random but worthy of note: Can wedding decorators KILL this mood light trend?

All the photos from Saturday are horribly pink.

Reminds me of Life hotel opposite garage in Warri.


Moving, Leaving, Progression

In the last few weeks I might have dipped one foot into the baby girl lifestyle and let me tell you.

Life is Good.

I do not know if I mentioned this earlier AND truly I should have,


And my last day here is Dec 31st.


Obviously since I have put in notice I have become even more tardy, coming in at 9:45am, and what not.

But I just realised I would REALLY really really miss this place.

Truly my partner who is my office sugar daddy, all my clients who repeatedly tell me I'm too goodlooking for the job and I should be resting in my husbands house (This is silly, but I get that it is from a place of love), to my whining about traffic to just walking into balogun to buy what I like, to my free parking space at the car park.

Like and these are just the perks. The deadline pressures, the excitement over a wedding, the small chops they share during birthdays. You guys are very close for an Audit firm- my mum said this morning when one of my Senior managers called me because I hadn't bought small chops for my birthday.

And I said yes, we are quite close, I will miss them.

And I would actually miss them, there was a time I wanted to make partner here but then I wanted to leave so much and now I'm leaving I'm not having any buyers remorse.

Like I can not wait

I mean I am truly nervous but for the most part I am excited.

I had lunch with my friend Debo yesterday.

Inamorato, (Because I hope all of you are men reading this)

I have no idea how I got sooo lucky.

None at all.

I overate over the weekend and my skin is splotchy AF,

I know my diet does not agree with my skin and really should leave this alcohol in the morning life alone but SOMETHING MUST KILL A WOMAN.

I miss hosting.

When I lived in Ikoyi, all I did was have parties, games nights, random come chops, friday night wait out traffic meetings. Dinners

But now: :(

Ah well.

I need to rememdy this because both Aldmoni  & Debo pointed out that they have missed my parties at home.

Oh wellllllllllll.

I saw the Accountant.

I couldn't be prouder to be an accountant during the movie.

I mean minus the killing.

But it is such a good movie- I am slowly falling in love with Ben affleck again. Plus shey they said he is single now?

I hated him so much after he was rubbing J-lo's bum bum in that video on the yacht and they were #Bennifer and then they broke up.

Off course all of this anger vanished after I saw him in Gone Girl.

But now- Truly I am like *insert Love struck Emoji here*

Thursday, November 3, 2016


How old are you turning?

Twenty Fine.


Did I stutter?

I have been unhappy for a while, but I think I am happier now.

I laughing. from my belly.

I did not realize it till my friend C from a previous post pointed it out to me.

(I was really cackling).

yes I cackle.

Anyway so yesterday I decided to put on my big girl pants and sort most of my life out.

I interviewed a driver. *Fingers crossed he starts on monday*

Two- I went to theEtag Office. You need to know that Yoruba demons are still alive and roaming the streets in their freshly starched native looking for unsuspecting women to devour.

To the really nice man at the LCC office yesterday. You could have apologised without caressing my arms so lovingly.

Three: I went to Ikoyi club to TRY to start my membership process because I AM so ready to face Ikoyi club chilling as an adult member.

Beloved, When I saw the bill and requirements.
They want your CV.
A letter of Introduction from your place of work
A fully Fledged member to sign for you.
Two pints of your grand mothers blood
a bucket of Unicorn Piss

Along with maybe 1.5 million Nigerian Nairas.

Beloved, perhaps this adulting thing we can get a subsidy for it?

I went to the saloon and cut of my bra length hair.
Now this hair cut I have.
Is not just a problem.
It is THE problem.

For real.

None the less.


If compliments could kill you I would be dead by now.

It's my girl Ori's birthday so I'm taking my Twenty Fine year old self to support her at bogobiri.

Along with one of my male friends that I've invited for her birthday present (because I am generous)

And T, Because come on its T, he drove my siblings &I to Vegas from LA and back and didn't collect fuel money.

I also just had such a stressful but neccesary conversation with a co-worker of mine who said he had to work so hard for us to become friends.

Me in my mind : We are not even friends.

I'm serious.

But because I'm obviously well behaved, I was like I can see why you would have felt that way, I am a little guarded.

He said yes, even your instagram account is protected.

Children of the most high- Do you see a correlation?

Anyway that ended and I am so ready to face this week and this year heads on.

I am truly happy and I am at peace with my cackling self.

Pss; I swear I'm not as fancy as people say I am.


Listening non stop to Baby all these nights I've struggled and fought my pride scared that someone your type couldn't s...