Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Bigger person

Some kind of evil can not be overcome by good. Sometimes you need to overcome such evil with a greater kind of evil- Chronicles of Riddick. 

So today, I walked into my client site, one hour late- which was no ones fault but mine.

But my client saw me and tried to come and start talking smack,

OOOOOHHHHH I gave him the ela of HIS LIFE.

The ela should have been tagged Ela of life. So hot, hotter than Amala,

and let me tell you, it felt so damn good.

All that talk of being the bigger person and client first went right out the window.
You should have seen his face. He could not believe it was this same me that had been so nice and helpful these last weeks that was being so mean to him.

Like- I told him I am working round the clock to give you your account and I am going on leave on monday. if you do not give me whatever it is I need before close of business tomorrow just forget your account till I return from leave.  and some other things I wont say here, because I mean, who knows if one of my readers decides to employ me tomorrow.

Bottom line is this.  I have now transferred the aggression AND if he had a blog, I am positive he would be writing about how much of a bitch his auditor is.

Mission accomplished.

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Shitty Clients

I hate my clients.

The way some People hate mother in laws. I hate all my clients. before I meet them. When I meet them. When I have to relate with them. I hate them

Why do I hate my clients- Every client rubs me the wrong way.

My clients are off the impression that they know it all.

My current client- does not know shit. I have had to carry out so much accounting function that I now have access to their accounting software.

And off course as an occupational hazard, you ultimately know a client that doesn't know shit. It is hard to have someone tell you you do not know shit. especially when it is true.

I found this out 1st hand while training at my current firm.

Bottom line is this.

Clients are the bane of my existence.
Quod me nutrit me destruit

Basically- In a nut shell that is the nature of my relationship with my clients.

They destroy me and at the same time I am able to actually do my work.

The nature of my job is destructive for my person. Its really simple.

I have to quit. soon- When? I do not know. but soon before, I find myself having to slap some sense into one of my clients.

And I know how strange that might sound, but I can not understand the rubbish most of them get up to.

Explain to me how you have a trial balance and you cant produce a schedule that agrees to that trial balance forget that you posted those entries and moved it into the trial balance your self.

My tolerance for bullshit is too low, I never should have been an auditor.

Random sidebar: Since my clients found out I had a driver- They have been tip toeing around me.

Like what does having a driver have to do with anything? Nigerians are too petty abeg.

Again my clients disgust me. but to be fair only this particular one. probably because they are super clueless.

Hopefully I don't get them next year.


I am not sure if I like preparing AFS's.

Like I can do them- which I am thankful for- but I'm lowkey beginning to detest them. lowkey.

Like repetitive dot com.

Thanks to spell check my spelling is actually getting worse.

I can not believe my birthday is here. Again- Already. LOL.

Time literally flew by this year. I am so looking forward to the induction. My friend is being inducted as well, so I have someone to sit with and crack silly jokes with.

Also I get two tickets to invite whoever I want. Since Mother dearest sits on the council. She would be there any way. Me on the other hand- I do not have two people to invite.

I wonder about the nature of people I have as friends, Or my nature in fact. How can I say I do not have two people to invite.

Actually I feel like I do not know two people who are friends but are important enough for me to include them in my induction. - excluding the lover off course.

Does this make me a bad person?

Maybe I hold people to such a high standard I subconsciously treat them like they wont ever meet up.

Or maybe- I do not want to get off my moral High horse.

Or maybe I have too many friends are are patron saints of loose lips and I don't to feed them fodder for thier disciples?

Or maybe I am so influenced by Nigerian movies that I am unable to share my successes with others but close family?

Or maybe I really am just a bitch- who stopped giving a shit ages ago.

I have decided to invite My mother and My sister.

When in doubt- Family. as shitty as they come- they never disappoint when it comes to important things.

Like taking Tuesday off to drive to Amuwo and just faff.- Listen to boring lectures and clap when I get called on stage.

Again- I am a horrible person. Sometimes I forget this. But on days like this- when I have to pick my brain and come up with things like this. I realise either I am terribly terrible OR terribly honest.

Because lets face it- I can not possibly be the only one who has these train of thoughts sometimes.

I have been so tired of late- I find it impossible to wash my face before going to bed.

or to change my clothes. or to even drive to work.

Two days in a row, a driver has had to bring me to work. I feel so drained. physically.

I am so super tired.

Must be the strain from all the flexing in port harcourt.

But good news- My mother said my skin is clearing.- She always says that about my skin.

Not like I have excellent skin, ours is just a case of land of blind.

My sister, Mother & I all have terrible skin. oily and acne prone. But amongst all three- I have been able to manage mine and keep it at the barest minimum thanks to mostly unsolicited advice from random strangers and internet forums.

I'm babbling- bottom line is this- in the land of blind one eyed man is king. that is the only explanation  plus I'm dark skinned. Dark skin wears acne and scars a lot better than light skin.

Now if only I can find an oil free moisturiser and a good powder for a dark skinned lady with a strong yellow under tone.

This birthday would be perfect.- Not like it isn't already.

I have achieved all I have set out to do a year early. Now I have to set new goals to fulfil myself.

Clearly a good amount of my self worth is hinged to my personal successes.- Only because I have no idea what else to hinge them on?- Faith?, Relationships?, Friends?, Personal belongings?- Probably because those things all have determining factors beyond my control, BUT achieving my goals- all on me. And I have made it a point of contact to deliver consistently- not for anyone really. more for myself. I live for meeting dead lines. and glasses of moscato with the lover at 3am in the mornings.

Does this make me strange? Possibly. We can't all be the same now can we?

*makes mental note to order 6 bottles of moscato*

Monday, October 29, 2012


And thanks be to God, who always causes us to triumph- 2nd Corinthians 2:14

My birthday is around the corner.

I feel like I have so much work to do- I actually always feel that way. While I am happy to be doing the work.

I look forward to January.

I am low key excited about it.

Next week is my induction into the institute, and my mother's friends have started calling her to congratulate her. I tell you- Nothing gives me greater joy that making my mother happy. Like I live for that. totally.

My birthday is around the corner. Literally- Its 4 days away.

Everything I want- or usually want- I have been given already. New bag and new chanel perfume.

I am getting supper predictable.

I miss the Lover. I have not seen him all holiday. We both had different engagements in the south south and missed each other on sunday at the airport. * insert sobs here*

Since I am dead at work, and he is busy as well, we are yet to see each other. I think I'll just wait till friday to see him. Need to take out my hair TONIGHT!

Long weaves are the enemy. LOL

My sister and I are now low key besties. Till she does something to massively piss me off.

I am still sitting still in the whole madness of this life.

and watching it go by. and liking it totally.

I started walking/running again today. My whole body hurts.

I love it.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Mental Illness

I keep telling people that mental illnesses are real. But no one believes me.

I have this cousin, who I know, I am 1000% ( yes that is a thousand) sure that she suffers from middle child syndrome.

I have friends who exhibit serious bipolar characteristics- Up and down like  yoyos.

and most popular of all- Depression.

I know depression is real because I have experienced it before- Sometime earlier this year, or maybe it was just a lack of holiday.

I do not know, But this I know- a lot of people are imploding seriously because they have no one to speak to, no shrinks and they are not eager to make friends.

I now think maybe I should have studied pyscology  or something helpful.

What brought this one? I read this blogpost and I saw the comments- at least 12 people that commented said and I quote" That is my life".

I know 12 out of 6vbn people is really small. but its still scary.

I think this church business of the holy spirit being your best friend is for the birds.

Sometimes- You want to banter with your friends- Physically. go shopping or whatever it is that you do, with someone you can see?

Why did this really get to me?

Because I have been there before.

And no one should have to be there.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

On Provision

Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly father feedth them. Are you not much better than they?(Matthew 6:26 KJV)

In deed I am.

Today the office increased expense claims.

Say what you want, but God looks after his own.

Today I am going to fit my dress- I am super excited!

It is Port harcourt O'clock. Plus I did not even have to lie to get off work- The government declared public holidays  for Thursday and Friday!!!

If this not the work of God, Please I do not know what it is. Infact- I am super estatic!

Please people be happy.

Date night with mr Lover Lover. Every night is date night with mr Lover.

My nails keep breaking- which is rare because my nails never break. ever.

well 1st time for everything, will cut them and get them fixed, I was gunning for a shellac but....

Liver is failing me.

What has been going on?

Monday, October 22, 2012


And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back and with a loud voice glorified God, and fell down on his face at his feet giving him thanks... ( Luke 17:15-16)

I am so happy and thankful!


And this has nothing to do with my pending birthday for which I am yet to figure out what I plan to do with myself.

My mother plans to organize a party for me- for the induction.

we looked through the clothes I own sef- and found nothing decent to wear.

I am so excited for her- She almost can not believe it,

This year was so full of good tidings for me. It is amusing and to think I started my 1st audit job this year in tears.

Now- I am doing Senior work. I have staff. I am meeting deadlines.

I am growing in paid employment.

I am sha happy.


Are you guys happy?

Please be happy.

I have sooo much to speak about. But I have no time.

Hopefully soon I will have some time to talk about all the delicious goodness of my life.

Thank you Jesus!

* falls on face*

Friday, October 19, 2012


Now unto him that is able to do exceedingly abdundantly above all that we ask or think... ( Eph 3:20)

What do you ask for from someone who consistently exceeds your expectations?

Again today, The Lover asked what I wanted for my birthday.

Because we both do not know when my ideal present would be available.

I said- I do not know, what do you want to give me?

Him: Everything.

*end of conversation*

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Birthday wish list and all that Jazz

Before you were formed I knew you.

For the plans I have for you are good and not of evil to bring you to an expected end.

This morning, Mr Lover asked me what I wanted again for my birthday.

I said holiday.

He said December.

I said give me cash.

He said, I already ordered your present, I don't know if it will arrive before then.

Me- whatever you do. Make me excited.

Him: You are always excited.

Again this year- I have no idea what I want for my birthday.

Contentment or just plain confused.

I have been happy most of the year.

And I'm even happier still about my news - that I'm not ready to share yet.

So for my birthday- what do I want this year?

Cases of moscato. I think. I really do not know.

Birthday wish list and all that Jazz

Before you were formed I knew you.

For the plans I have for you are good and not of evil to bring you to an expected end.

This morning, Mr Lover asked me what I wanted again for my birthday.

I said holiday.

He said December.

I said give me cash.

He said, I already ordered your present, I don't know if it will arrive before then.

Me- whatever you do. Make me excited.

Him: You are always excited.

Again this year- I have no idea what I want for my birthday.

Contentment or just plain confused.

I have been happy most of the year.

And I'm even happier still about my news - that I'm not ready to share yet.

So for my birthday- what do I want this year?

Cases of moscato. I think. I really do not know.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Bullet proof

And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground....(Malachi 3:11)

So this morning, I woke up and I didn't have fuel.

I just hopped in my sister's car and came to work.

Now I have the hugest crush on Tu-face, this is not gist.

I can totally understand his huge flock of baby mama's- Hell even I, want a piece.

Tubaba is Yummy as * insert yummy metaphor here*

I do not fight the crush I have on him. the way I fight the crush I have on Meek.

I embrace it. Enough of that.

I was in traffic idly clicking at the seek button on the steering wheel when the most amazing thing happened

Ihe neme came on! I had no idea it was on the cd.

Yeah yeah- Im a groupie of the person not his track listings.


So I am incredibly happy.

audit work is rounding up.

Im going to port harcourt.

LOL last night the lover sent me a picture- Turns out the wedding we attended, the photograper included us in the photo-book photo album

and he captioned it- "We are official baby!"

My lover can be cute sometimes.

My birthday is coming, at Yoga last night with tola ( whose blog change looks delish btw)

We were like OMG it has been a year since her surprise birthday party.

This year literally flew by!


Another year- Too many things to be thankful for.

We also spoke about something- That when you split with someone- Its normal to not want any of your friends to speak to your ex.

And she was trying to be a bigger person. and I was like- Bitch please, let us see road.

Personally speaking ( hypothetically offcourse) If I split with the lover. I do not even except any of my friends speaking to him.

I'm talking breeze treatment. ( Not like anyone speaks to him now)

But I'd expect 1000% ( yes a thousand ) loyalty on that front.

Obviously I am not a bigger person type of person. This is not something I am ashamed off, as a matter of fact, It is something I am beginning to embrace- The art of putting myself first.

I put family 1st all the time. best believe when it comes to friends- I am so exerting my self and it is something I am unapologetic about.

Anyways asides that- Something is making me incredibly happy.

And no- I'm still not ready to share.

* does a salsa spin*

Is it just me or there is something delicious about waking up next to a loved one.

And yes it is living in sin and all that- But it is so abso- fucking-lutely delicious. It makes me want to elope and never have to wake up alone ever again.

I just read the last two paragraphs. I AM a drama queen.

Who else is super happy when they make new play lists?

No one? Just me then. My  friends wedding is next week.

Still cant make up my mind about the dress. Well I have 2 dresses, but I want to make a third one.

What- I'm a work in progress. I struggle with obsession to buy/ make clothes, when the ones I have are sufficient.

But on the upside- My friends always come and cart them away. and what is left my sister colonizes.

Yes this is me rationalizing my behaviour.

I think- maybe I am becoming super impressionable.

I'm watching the Tv series- necessary roughness

-STOP how do I put movies on my Ipad?

Someone should tell me. I'm desperate.

anyway so I'm beginning to think I should see a shrink.

Except I have no problems. But I am itching to be hypnotized.

Anyways I'm sure it will pass.

I need a Holiday! dear Universe- Hear me.

I have been unduly excited of late. Not complaining just observing.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Monday, October 15, 2012

Dear Etisalat...

You have failed.

I won't be angry.

Even though your customer care is shit.

And its my fucking money.

And your wretched sims don't work with the new iOS.

And your wretched sims do not work with other branded blackberries.

And the so called trainees are so fucking smug is not letting you know this.

Dear Etisalat. Fuck you. Fuck you to hell and and back.

I swear I can not wait to never ever have to come here.

And while I am at this Dear park and shop- let me tell you

Soon and very soon. I'm going to buy a set of knives and slash the tires of the next fool that blocks me- Okay?

Yes now that we are clear.

I still hate your fucking guts.

Once I find a way to get internet without ever have to use you lot. Best believe I would be gone forever.

LOL. So I just paid for the new microsim to be able to download the new iOs and voila. It isn't coming up. Turns out the supposed 3.75g network isn't even up to 3 to do the download.

I'm seriously contemplating moving to america just for faster internet and better customer care!


Friday, October 12, 2012

At home

When people say they do not feel at home in a certain place.

I often wondered what they mean by this.

Today I had a somehow day at work.

So I went by the lovers place after. But I was just so unsettled and restless and felt so unwelcome there that I left and came to my own house.

So I sat in traffic, finally got home and found now self knocking for almost 20 minutes at the door.

Finally my sister comes to open the door but has her boyfriend in the room we share so I can't even access the room. Nor arrange my wardrobe nor change my clothes. Or really do anything.

Today. I do not feel at home. Anywhere.

I totally understand when people say, they are not at home.

I long for a place that is my own.


Is this selfish?

Days like this. I am extremely irritated.

I want to come home and see no one. Just listen to my music and be great.

Days like this- I am reminded about how un- at home I am. Even in my own home.

And Days like this make me sad.

On the upside. I finally found a solution to my dress issue for the wedding next two weeks.

So excited!

Newest Blog Obsession

When I find a blog I like- I read all the posts.

From the latest till the oldest- Forget about the work I'm paid to do, This is the shit I live for!

Personal blogs even better!

I even contact the writers for passwords of protected posts.


why? What is a stranger on the internet going to do with your post- asides plagiarize it?

I really really really hate those short story/ poet-y/ creative writer blogs.

They are borderline ninja status. and Irritate the hell out of the amebo inside my very soul. even more than laborious reading

HOWEVER, I have found one I like.

I have no idea IF it is a personal blog because the stories seem realistic at the same time so damn off, or it just gives off this ninja vibe.

Nothing personal- Yet I feel like I can know the person through the posts.

And the writer doesn't even know he/she does that- See? serious Ninja undertows.

Doesn't change the fact I like it though.

So here is my newest blog obession- How people write so properly sometimes baffles me

They must have so much free time at work - a part of me thinks.

Not really- another part replies. They are probably just patient enough to proof read whatever they throw up on the web.

so here- Newest obsession Blog  go on. click it. you know you are dying to find out what/who has my knickers in a twist like this.

The last time I went on a drive with my friend Debo- was two years ago.

Debo's car was bad so he rolled up in his sister's Rav4 and turned on the radio as I got in.

Tracy was playing.

We listened to fast car on repeat as we drove through lagos, from my house in Ikoyi. to our primary school in apapa, to his grand mothers house in Illupeju, through lagos Island where were went to seek out this pepper soup that has spaghetti in it back to my house.

And that was one of the best times I spent with Debo- Forget the fact that I always spend " best" times with him

So when I found my new obsession liked tracy- I knew the time had come to share.

Ps: I am LOWKEY excited about this party tomorrrowwwwwwwww! Like I can not wait!

*squeal* I need to make more friends that have parties- and get myself invited!

Din Din with Mr L.

Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.... (Proverbs 15:17
So last night I went to dinner with Mr Lover Lover. LOL

Well not exactly dinner, we were watching Tv and his friends just showed up and we had to leave the room and come out to hang with them * insert eye roll here*

I love them, But I like Tv with the Lover too.

Anyways by the time this set was gone- another set had come.

While the 1st set were around, they kept talking about this place in Vi that served really good food and it was ridiculously cheap and yada yada yada.

So being the awoof lover turned foodie that I am- I said " Lover dearest take me"

Me looked and me and said " never, you'd hate it"

thinking to myself that I had found the perfect spot for breakfast with the girlies ( when I do find the girlies)

I insisted and all that jazz.

So we said tomorrow, we would go to the " place"

but then I remembered I had plans for tonight, ( washing my hair, doing my nails and trying out an oil cleanse)
 which I did not disclose-

#sidebar I used to love doing stuff like that- Hair washing and nail coloring- Now life has just come and taken away all my damn time. Hate it.

So half way through coloumbiana he said - Oya lets go, because I wont hear word.

So we headed there. And as we walked in he told me there are a few white guys around.

And i'm wondering to myself- What has that got to do with anything?

White men seem to be everywhere these days.- so I shrugged it off. Mistake of life.

as we approached the restaurant- there was a warning that said " Chewing gum is not allowed"


Anyways wetin concern me? I kuku wasn't chewing any gum.

As we entered, I felt like I had been transported into an ashawos R us convention.

#sidebar In Lagos where there are white men- ashawos flock to the place like flies following shit.

half the girls were naked. the serving girls were dressed like hooters wanna be waitresses.


My lord- I just made a mental note that nothing would ever take me there again.

the Lover saw the look on my face- and sent me a look that said " I told you so"

so I just said- Shut up abeg. " But I didn't say anything" he protested.

"But you were thinking it so shush."

"I told you so"

so the server girl came and took our orders-
he had wings, fries and a cheese burger.

I had a chicken escalope and mashed potatoes.

our food took about 20 minutes to come which we filled with mindless chatter and I kept attempting to wipe off the data on his phone, and he kept trying to kiss my hand and sing to me.

it was cute- In a weird way it reminded me of when I met him and were used to just kick back and chill.

half way through our meal- this girl walked in and this white man just jumped on her and refused to let her see road- and I was like really?

What do white men see in prostitutes anyways?

The Lover replied-
Everything- For one, these are the girls who have their time. the are free to hang out at 2 in the afternoon and 1am in the morning and what have you. they are their answers to jungle fever with little or no resistance.

Plus the men dont even know these are prostitutes, I mean they cant really grade them, as far as they are concerned, these are the hottest babes.

It made some sense- But still was very disgusting to watch.

The lover asked me twice what I wanted for my birthday this year and I replied

"Better is little with the fear of God, than great treasure and trouble therewith"

I want to go on holiday.

Simple, I know I have had 3 this year- will it be bad to do another two?

afterall I dont recall coming to this life to suffer.

He replied " We'll see, can you get time off work?"

me: What work? hell YEAAAHHHHHH!

Anyways I couldnt finish my food so i took some home for his brother while he took his burger home as well.

Last night was decent solid fun. the kind of banter that makes me thing separate rooms in marriage is madness.

Also I know with every fibre of my being that it isn't.

Saturday is here and SURPRISEEEEEE I still have no idea what to wear. Maybe a sleeveless blazer. I bought two on my prior holiday and I'm yet to wear the black one.

Although I do not want to be over dressed- I dont think its such a bad thing- You know?

So party this weekend- While I attempt to drag the lover to this new church on sunday- Sam adeyemi is going to be there and I totally adore him and his ministry.

Asides that, No solid plans for the weekend.

just kick back and chill. and dear friday- You really took your sweet time showing up this week.

It wasnt really funny.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Queens College Yaba

If you did not already know.

Now you know.

I am a QCOG.

Queens college taught me some of life's best lessons.

It also gave me some of my best friends.

I honestly do not know how I would have turned out if I went anywhere else.

So to every QCOG out there. To my friends turned sisters that I found in QC. I'd like for us to say a word of prayer today. For our "princi's " Sojirin and Euler Ajayi. Our SBHM Juba for the House watchers " obi, ogunbekun Njoku and the likes"

For the teachers who touched our lives while we were there.

And for the friends we made in those 6/5/4 /3/2/1/ half years we spent there.

Those years were solid and dare I say some of the best of my life.
Happy 85th Birthday. Queens College.

Pass on the torch!

Tuesday, October 9, 2012


But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this word AND IT IS CERTAIN we can carry nothing out.... (1 Timothy 6:6-7)Emphasis all mine
So I have a party this weekend, Why am I so eager to go and get a new outfit?

because I am not content. I have a shit load of clothes to wear, and I will wear one of the many numerous ones I have. I do not want to buy anything again except it is an absolute neccesity.

I always have this weird power tussle in my mind on spoiling myself and just being plain incontended with what I have.

I mean I draw the line at a certain number of things- which are borderline madness such as buying hair at 100 grand a head- There are children in my village whose mothers will bless you forever if you use that money to pay their fees.

so no while I won't do things that ridiculous, I find myself wanting to spoil myself a little. sometimes more than needed( I admit)

Today my sister saw me naked and said " stop sucking belle" I replied- I am pushing it out.

she squealed " it is a lieeeeeeee, your stomach is vanishing sha" she then got up touched it. asked me to suck belle, proded and just generally exclaimed about how I am so skinny now, my body is lithe enough for italian ball room dancing and I should take up the classes.

Me: No Im only trying to lose some belly fat for the party this weekend and the wedding at month end.

her: you sha look very good- please keep it up.

My face could not contain my smile!

I Love when people compliment my body- surely that must be unhealthy as well.

Dont know and I do not care- I need something to stop me from shopping the way I do.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Books from Bookie.

My friend just sent me the most delicious book ever.

Dear 50 shades of grey fans. Imma let yall finish BUT no one does BSDM erotica like black lace.


I just popped over to let you know

1- My current  client is trying to poach me- AS IF.

2- I am a happy bunny- Neww books!

3- I went to the gym this morning- Also a fit bunny!

I will be back with a more decent post on how my weekend went.

By the way I met this 40 something year old hair dresser.

Probably the most agreeable Nigerian male I have ever met.

I am one of the worst peoples' hair to make- My current hair dresser Yinka must be tired of me.

But Baba?

Too sweet. Perfect disposition.

I'm soo accustomed to the abrasive nature of Nigerian men, that this was a pleasant surprise.

However the saloon is in Festac.

I was so horribly drawn to his person. * sigh*

I say horribly  because I am never drawn to anyone. attracted yes. drawn Never.

Plus he started making hair in 1986 when he was wrapping up his stay at yaba tech.

In 1986, I was not even born.

I do not know what kind of person this makes me.

Yesterday was absolutely delish. The lover, his brother, his brothers girl and I all went to visit his mother.

It was such an amazing time. After which we came home and drank wine from the bottle because we were both too comfortable in our postion.

Does that happen to anyone? You find the perfect postion with your lover and refuse to move?

No one? Well just me then.

so we sat there, drinking wine and watching el-classico.

I am team C-Ronaldo just incase anyone is interested.

Its days like yesterday that make me so skeptical about going to school.

I have been thinking about it a lot lately.

Also my birthday is coming.

While I'm not particularly excited- I can not believe it. I am going to be twenty- something!!!

I'm getting so old and I have no millions to show for it yet.

I'm also thinking of going away for my birthday.

Calabar, cotonu, Ghana, togo?

However alone.

Does this make me strange?

I also attended a new church yesterday- However, my spirit did not quite gel with that of the pastor and I have no idea why. Will go by again to see if it was just a fluke or for real. Although I am listening to his tapes and he comes across as hella obnoxious. We'll see.

Anyways I'm still reeling from the excitement from yesterday AND the book from today!

Thank you Bookkie for the book!

You rock, hurry back home so I can pay you back with copious amounts of palm wine and Nkwobi!

Saturday, October 6, 2012


My Uncle runs a logistics company.

While at my house tonight, he decided to gist us about his attempt to hire new drivers at start up.

So him and his manager "Jerry" were at the panel.

1st, he asked the staff to write application.

His received responses varied from

"Ah Oga leave that one abeg, no be by writing person dey drive bus. 10 years don nack I dey drive"

"Oga I can write only 1,2,3"

While some could actually write.

He decided to hire those who could write.

Noting his managers unease with the hiring process, he asked him " Jerry wetin?"

Jerry responded " Oga no be by writing"

Jerry was upset because some of his people* could not write and
Were not being hired.

So my uncle decided to have Jerry ask a few questions when the next applicant came in.

After asking all his questions, he then asked Jerry " Do you have anything you want to ask?"

Jerry then said yes. And took the floor.

Jerry " Name three major pot holes between shagamu and algbasegin"

Applicant : "When you pass shagamu small, then if you move right where the police stand used to be..."

Jerry Interupts " I said Major pot holes"

At this point, everyone erupts in laughter. We can not believe it.

After the applicant leaves, Jerry justifies his actions thus" See Oga, If the driver knows the pot holes are, he can start slowing down before he even sees it. If not the clutch is at risk, the passengers are at risk..."

My uncle says shut up. Ask all the questions you want. I will just be here watching.

Bottom line is this" the drivers who could write were shit. Those who knew the answers to Jerry's stupid questions- excellent drivers"

I do not know if there is a moral to this story.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Anger Management and other cool stories

But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth ( Colosians 3:8 KJV)

Let me tell you what. I have a terrible anger problem.

I did not know this until this morning- Ok that is a lie, I knew it, I just assumed it was impatience.

I hate people that do not have any sense at all.

They irritate me and make me very angry.

Like those people who see everyone on the queue at the toll gate and drive to the front of the queue and shunt it.

What upsets me further are the people who actually let them in.

In retrospect, I should have bought a gun before I even learnt how to drive.

I do not keep malice- That is a lie, I forget people simply existed. I am so skilled at it. If it was someone else with this skill, I would recommend theraphy.

I do not indulge in blasphemy of any kind- or at least I make a conscious effort not too.

Filthy communication- The queen of sexting here. * bows head in shame*

Double innuendos are my forte- I wonder if these count as filthy communication? Who am I kidding, they probably do.

Second my staff has been taken away from me. Second solo audit.

I am not too amused by all this.

I am coming to terms with the lover having a 9-5.

Less bonding time for us, BUT we are making it work and for that I am grateful.

Planning anything is stressful. I'm currently helping her friend plans something and planning a family vacay to Ghana.

You know what is so stressful about all this?

Dealing with people- getting them to pay. even after talking and talking and talking.

Its almost ridiculous. If I had my way, in my next life- I would be a computer enthusiast.

so that my interactions with human beings at the work place would be oh so limited.

The ideal job entails not ever having to work with anyone. Something along the lines of working from home.

Dear Internet, I believe in you, you can do this, make this happen.

I FINALLY finally. fucking finally completed my application for the induction process of  my professional body. Oh lord, I can not wait, to attend the women accountant meeting with my mother in November.

Im sure she cant wait either.

Tomorrow, I have to sort out some running around in the morning.

Then I have a spa date with super star Lover, and lunch afterwards.

I think I want to take anger management classes.

You know what? I am a bloody hypocrite.

I keep harping people about referring to me by my Yoruba name.

Today I spoke to the ex- MD of my current client trying to clear up some issues on the TB and we were on the phone for a while.

When I was about to get off, he said " so will you come and have drinks with me tonight? what is your name?"

And I replied, without blinking and or giving it a second thought, " My Yoruba Name"

and this didn't even occur to me till I got off the phone.

Like this is a clean slate, someone who I do not know from jack, I can make a change right here.

Still, But  Yet- I gave him my Yoruba name.

A rose by any other name is still a rose.  would still smell as sweet.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

The rubbish that is this country Nigeria.

I don't know why people keep saying Nigeria will be great.

I'm currently at the filling station. Trying to buy fuel.

And I assure you- this country is not headed for greatness.

Infact. If you can get out. Now will be a good time.

Tell me why this agbalagba* knows his tank is the right side of his car BUT he is on the opposite queue?

Like. I. Can. Not. Fucking. Deal. With Nigerians.

Then this wretched soul of a fool in front of me. Took jerrycan to go and buy fuel. And wasn't in the car when the queue finally moved.

Like I feel the overwhelming urge to walk up to him and spit in his face for being so ridiculously stupid.

I am so seriously irritated. I can not believe this country actually has oil.

I mean this totally defies all logic.

This anger is also as a result of the fact that I wwent to some government office that was supposed to close at 5.

I got there at 4:35pm and turns out all the staff had left- why?

To go and sit in the staff bus.

The staff bus doesn't leave till 5:30.

Like you would rather sit in the bus for an hour than actually do
what you are paid to do?

This foolish person beside me wearing suit that looks like what carpenter made- actually had the guts to try to shunt the queue when it finally moved.

Offcourse I told him off. From the bus drivers Yes.

But fromyou who is educated- because I am sure you are coming from work. I won't take such retarded behaviour.

Best believe I gave him an earful of all. And some extra.

Its because of idiots like him that I'm advising people to jump ship.

Its people like the wretched soul in the red mitsubishi that I hate driving in Lagos.

People these are the people whose evil can not be over come with good. But a greater kind of evil.

Probably 20 strokes of cane.


Agbalagba* - Old person in Yoruba. Usually used to describe someone who is engaging in a shameless act.
This word is perfect, because most Yoruba older men are lacking in shame.

Addictions & Nicotine Patches

For if any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally...( James 1:5a KJV)

I am addicted to online shopping.


I have a party on saturday and I have spent the whole morning scouring the internet looking for what site to devour me- in a bid to find the perfect out fit.

and hair style and what have you.

I wonder why people hire stylists when the internet is readily available.

For my people perish for lack of knowledge.

Anyway this is a cry for help.

I closely contemplating cutting up my card- as I spend too much from it

I am practically a debit card ninja- swiping away and typing away my card number at ever given opportunity I get.

Its horrible.

If it is so horrible- tell me why I wont stop?

I rationalize the buying by telling myself- i work so hard- I should spoil myself.

Which I should- BUT at the same time I am a strong disciple of delayed gratification.

I am addicted to Online shopping FROM ASOS!!!!

And plastic payment.

This whole cashless movement is pretty much gonna wreck me very soon.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Other things

This weekend was good.

It was long and filled with me doing abso fucking lutely nothing.

and I loved it.

In my new obsession- List making of pro's and cons.

Top five reasons why I want to lose weight.

5- New clothes. Drop sizes buy new clothes-  because slimfitting clothes is soooo last year.

4- So everyone at the gym fawns over me and reminds me how I am so beautiful, I shouldn't be there - because I am an attention whore.

3- For comments like this " OH my God, are you losing weight"- still an attention whore

2- To enable me respond to above comments like this " I'd Better be!, with all the hours I'm spending in the damn gym!"- even though I'm probably the most IN-consistent person that goes there.

1- So that when I parallel park perfectly (which I do perfectly 10 times out of 10) and I open the door and the space is too tiny, I can squeeze myself out of the car-  as opposed to climbing out through the passenger seat totally gracelessly. Not Like it has ever happened to me, I just see people doing shit like that.

Top 5 reasons why I hate driving.

5- People see you trafficating* and speed up, or worse flash their headlamps almost as if telling you not to think about it. and I'm thinking Nigga please, I do not even trust your brakes enough to risk this.

4- Merging Lanes- If you have ever been in traffic from third mainland bridge and entering kingsway road.
five  lanes into two lanes you are bound to encounter idiots.

3- Horns- Nigerians are constantly in a competiton they are unaware off. Who can toot thier horn the loudest. Both figuratively and literally. Like Nigga the light is red, can you stop leaning on the damn horn.

2- Okada Men- These are the vermin of roads. On the food chain of vehicles, they rank lower than pedestrians. And it doesn't help that they drive like they have 9 lives. until you hit one of them, and all the relatives swarm you like flies following shit.

1- Traffic- In Lagos, Traffic is the bane of my existence. Everywhere I go, Traffic abounds. I. Can. Not. fucking. DEAL!

Oh I got promoted on friday- Only in my firm would they post promotion list, at 6:30pm on a friday, when COB is 5pm.  Just screams sketchy. Anyway, I did not get the double promotion I wanted. So I was pretty disappointed.

I told my mother and she replied " he makes everything beautiful in his own time"- Super Woman stance yo!

I did not exactly feel better, just not as bitter as I should have been. I was bitter because I had pretty much finished spending double promotion salary next month in my head  deserved it.

Anyways- What has been up with you people?

I hate being so indecisive. What would I do to my hair?


Listening non stop to Baby all these nights I've struggled and fought my pride scared that someone your type couldn't s...