Musings

I am not sure if I like preparing AFS's.

Like I can do them- which I am thankful for- but I'm lowkey beginning to detest them. lowkey.

Like repetitive dot com.

Thanks to spell check my spelling is actually getting worse.

I can not believe my birthday is here. Again- Already. LOL.

Time literally flew by this year. I am so looking forward to the induction. My friend is being inducted as well, so I have someone to sit with and crack silly jokes with.

Also I get two tickets to invite whoever I want. Since Mother dearest sits on the council. She would be there any way. Me on the other hand- I do not have two people to invite.

I wonder about the nature of people I have as friends, Or my nature in fact. How can I say I do not have two people to invite.

Actually I feel like I do not know two people who are friends but are important enough for me to include them in my induction. - excluding the lover off course.

Does this make me a bad person?

Maybe I hold people to such a high standard I subconsciously treat them like they wont ever meet up.

Or maybe- I do not want to get off my moral High horse.

Or maybe I have too many friends are are patron saints of loose lips and I don't to feed them fodder for thier disciples?

Or maybe I am so influenced by Nigerian movies that I am unable to share my successes with others but close family?

Or maybe I really am just a bitch- who stopped giving a shit ages ago.

I have decided to invite My mother and My sister.

When in doubt- Family. as shitty as they come- they never disappoint when it comes to important things.

Like taking Tuesday off to drive to Amuwo and just faff.- Listen to boring lectures and clap when I get called on stage.

Again- I am a horrible person. Sometimes I forget this. But on days like this- when I have to pick my brain and come up with things like this. I realise either I am terribly terrible OR terribly honest.

Because lets face it- I can not possibly be the only one who has these train of thoughts sometimes.

I have been so tired of late- I find it impossible to wash my face before going to bed.

or to change my clothes. or to even drive to work.

Two days in a row, a driver has had to bring me to work. I feel so drained. physically.

I am so super tired.

Must be the strain from all the flexing in port harcourt.

But good news- My mother said my skin is clearing.- She always says that about my skin.

Not like I have excellent skin, ours is just a case of land of blind.

My sister, Mother & I all have terrible skin. oily and acne prone. But amongst all three- I have been able to manage mine and keep it at the barest minimum thanks to mostly unsolicited advice from random strangers and internet forums.

I'm babbling- bottom line is this- in the land of blind one eyed man is king. that is the only explanation  plus I'm dark skinned. Dark skin wears acne and scars a lot better than light skin.

Now if only I can find an oil free moisturiser and a good powder for a dark skinned lady with a strong yellow under tone.

This birthday would be perfect.- Not like it isn't already.

I have achieved all I have set out to do a year early. Now I have to set new goals to fulfil myself.

Clearly a good amount of my self worth is hinged to my personal successes.- Only because I have no idea what else to hinge them on?- Faith?, Relationships?, Friends?, Personal belongings?- Probably because those things all have determining factors beyond my control, BUT achieving my goals- all on me. And I have made it a point of contact to deliver consistently- not for anyone really. more for myself. I live for meeting dead lines. and glasses of moscato with the lover at 3am in the mornings.

Does this make me strange? Possibly. We can't all be the same now can we?

*makes mental note to order 6 bottles of moscato*