Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Godiva, Sallah meat at 4am

The lover is the reason i am fat today.

and its the truth. from day one when i met him. that was his aim.

To fatten me up so nobody would look at me again.

but ASKO. IT DID NOT WORK!!

anyways that is besides the point.

I went over to his last night, and somehow ended up sleeping over.

*side bar- i swear that shit is getting outta hand, i say to my self, lemmie sleep for 30mins

and POW, I WAKE UP AND ITS FUCKING 3AM!!!!

and you know the irritating part, Nigga would probably be up watching TV.

I dont know what that says about the typa sleeper that i am.

But that is not why we are here.

So lastnight, since We are now both trying to lose weight,

WE decided we would have ONE sharwama for dinner.

*another sidebar.
I dunno about you but sharing sharwama is HARD!!!
Its difficulty can be compared to * insert insanely hard metaphor here*

such as-

Its difficulty can be compared to shooting a HD video with a Black berry curve 2 that doesnt have flash.

-exactly its fucking impossible.

But you know what they say, you cant lose weight, if you stay eating the same way you gained weight.

so I bought the said sharwama and forgot it in my car. And remembered when i got to his.

so While we were watching Alpha- he fell asleep.

Being the over skilled monkey that i am. - I sharply ate half.

And stop judging me.

i think the smell woke him up, so i lied it had finished. and he proceeded to open the Godiva.

* i swear last side bar.

the first sheet you see when you open that box, is the Nutrition fact sheet. in black and white, as if its practically jumping at you.

i would spare you the deets, but basically a serving is 200 calories.
now thats the good part.

this is the great part- a serving consists of about 3 pieces.

ARE THESE GUYS FUCKING KIDDING?

THERE ARE 36 FUCKING PIECES IN THE BOX.

but that didnt stop us tho.

which is really sad, because we are probably gonna be a fat couple till we both tie our teeth or something equally as melo dramatic.

and 4 to 5 other things.
1. Nershy's crush hasnt called me with the Sallah meat he promised to bring to work for me.
2. I am accepting donations to my Buy me moscato fund- BTW i dont appreciate TOLA saying i made her an alcoholic. making it sound like i put a gun to her head- but to be fair, i am pretty persuasive when it comes to alcohol. ask the Lover. before he could stand Rose wine, but now- Nigga is hooked.
3. so i went to Lagos Market and found the lace. AT *insert drumroll here* 7k. yes so said lady intended to make 13k on a piece. My mother was livid. I dont blame her. i cant stand people jobbing me. especially family.
4. Today is Oneki's birthday. I love her muchos, growing up she practically raised us. She sued to let me go to parties and shit.
5. at 4am this morning, the lover and I ate all the sallah meat i forgot at his over the weekend. along with some more Godiva.( i took only one piece) but he gobbled everything up.- Afterall he that is down need fear no fall. Me on the other hand. I still have hope.
6. I know i said 4 or 5. BUT i need to know what is wrong with Men giving women money? you see the problem with women is that we are our own enemies. Fine you dont want your boyfriend giving you money, park in your lane, but instead you are abusing the girl that is demanding what she wants, and getting it, calling her hungry and what not- WHEN IN REALITY YOU SEF YOU WANT THE SAME THING. talking about, OH i dont wanna ask, but if you give me i will take.

Matt 7:7 Ask and it shall be given unto you.
Even God knows the importance of asking, but instead be there simmering in bitterness. na you know.

anyways im #teamtakemoneyfromyoman #teamnevergodutch and most importantly.

#team10%istoofuckingsmall.

So how was your sallah break? was it Ace?
Did you whore for meat?
Or did you come to work like lil ol me?


ps: i just realised how dirty " did you whore for meat sounded".



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