And on the 7th day of christmas

Amel Larrieux.

She has put me to bed these last few days.

on the 6th day

The "bestest" American National anthem ever. no lip sync-ing.

Yes shade at Beyonce.

Whitney H- Performing the Hell out of the American Nat.Anthem

I feel like Nigeria has so many damn official events.

We should have more artists performing our National anthems.

Totally.

Political activists and public relations officers should look into this please.

And on the fourth day of Christmas...

I give you one of my most recently discovered treasures.

German machinery tuned to the finest possible specifications.

Mr Kodjoe, Boris. Butt Naked. In the real husbands of Hollywood.

And here is a clip to prove it.

Don't Worry. You can not see anything.

Although little is left to your imagination.

Christmas came early this year ladies.xxx

Side bar- This show is HILARIOUS!!!! I can not get over how good it is.

On the third day of christmas

I am a 90's baby at heart.

I love the black leather. the over exaggerated baby hair, the skinny brows.

The powerful music with horrible music videos but well meaning lyrics.

I love 90's music*.

Anyway, I found a video that embodies all these traits and is my theme song for December.

Tell me if you want me to

give you all my time,

I want to make it good for you.

because December is the month for taking charge.

* I love the 2000's music too.

Side bar, a hearty congratulations to my mother. Today she was her investiture as the President of the society of women accountants of Nigeria.

I love you mummy. But why do you have to raise the bar so damn high?

On the 2nd day of Christmas.

This weekend had me experiencing several bouts of nostalgia.

In waves and waves.

In the spirit of home sickness, nostalgia and the reason for the Christmas season- Jesus,

I give you:

Abo Abo- Volume 1.

To douse all confusion. I'm part Isoko* and this track has been a staple in my Sunday mornings as well as car rides with my mother and summer holiday's in Warri and everything else.

It was one of the foremost gospel productions from the Niger delta and my mother played the Shit( pardon my french) out of this CD.

I speak Isoko passably, but can sing along to all the songs in this production.

Ps: Abo means hands in Isoko, so basically he is asking you to clap. Also they are subtitled.

Note that the production of Niger Delta gospel tracks have improved significantly.

This was a pioneer.

Enjoy.

pss: This is just part a of a 5 part production.

*Isoko- is a tribe from the Niger Delta where my mother hails from, and I claim occasionally when I want to get out of the garb of being Yoruba from time to time.

Read occasionally in the above statement to mean- ALL THE DAMN TIME.

I'm Yours.

I wont hesitate no more.

Our time is short. This is our fate.

I am yours.

12 Days of Christmas.

This is the most amazing thing!
I love Christmas.
I love December- I get to a review of my year and I get to spend it with family.

Plus I have like 10000 weddings.
Now I'm not sure if the 12 days start from today.
But if it does, Here is my day one present to you my readers.

!2 days of Christmas. Straight, No chasers.

This is GOLD!!!!!!!!

It makes me cheese so hard!

1:59 is my best part

To thine self, be true

Sometimes, it is okay not to be okay.

And it is more than okay to protect your mind.

It is okay to do things your way.

Eat up your doubt, and spit it out.

For what is a man, what has he got? 

If not himself? 

My friends complain that, I always pick the oldest songs at Karaoke to sing so no one would join me. Not true. I LOVE OLD SONGS.

But this is probably one of my best best best songs. I do a shit job at karaoke all the time with it.

but the message is so powerful.

Another one of my favorites- Probably because I'm still struggling to learn the piano piece. But it is probably because of my obsession with love- you guys know I LOVE, LOVE. In any form it comes.

I fell in love with you, heart and soul.

Frank Sinatra- My way.

Ella Fitzgerald- Heart and Soul.

One week to exams guys, Pray for me. Send me good wishes.

And happy thanksgiving. To everyone.

Usually I'd ramble about how all we do is copy traditions but I'm thankful for thanksgiving.

I'm personally not thankful enough- So thanksgiving is my thing.

I am so thankful for the year. I can not even imagine. But look at me. Im here, Alive, in one piece.

My family is fine. No losses. Nothing we couldn't overcome.

So So So much to be thankful for.

Thank you Jesus.

Thankful.

I have been told, that if the only prayer I ever said was thank you, it would be enough.

I am thankful for growth, for all the wonderful people in my life. and even for the more wonderful people who came in this year, I am extra thankful for you guys.

I am thankful for music. I am thankful for everything. Everything. 

Every. Single. Thing.

Only Time

So I am super impressed.

with Van Damme and Volvo.

And Enya.

They should have aired this on Super Bowl night.

Broken promises and Old money nail poilshes.

Is polishes a correct word?

Anyway. So I went shopping.

Which was strange because I did not plan to go shopping.

Granted I had been doing a lot of shopping all month- for my sister, for my aunt, for my friend.

Always shopping and since Christmas is already here, I decided to do a bit of present shopping- And I am done now by the way.

Anyways soooooooo,

I went to the shops, got carried away and went shopping.

I really was not going to buy anything except this blouse and sweater then I saw it.

A little history on it- YOU know those items that you just have to own?
Over summer my friend gave me a bottle of sally Hansen mudslide.
now I know there has been an influx of newer brands in the market- awon china glaze and co.

But let me tell you, sally Hansen is the oldest money of nail polish. When I was like 10 or 12 and looking at fashion magazines- the sally Hansen pages were usually the best campaign in the magazines. so beautiful.

Anyways so my other friend- Asake, saw it liked it, took it.... I finally got around collecting it back.

Then I went to visit my cousin in festac two days before  came back.

Said cousin- saw it liked it, promised, in vain if I might add, not to finish it- I don't know.

All I do know is that I came back to Dundee- without my mudslide.

So randomly I walked into boots- And what do I see- My mudslide at £6.99

I am in awe, I had no idea, nail polish was that expensive full price.

So I am deliberating on whether or not to buy this nail polish.

When November comes around- and its No Buy Vember.

Urgh.

Anywayssss- I ran into a pack of four Sally Hansen nail polishes at £7.99.

Do the math. The offer was too good to be true- PLUS, It had my darling Mudslide in the pack. With this super delicious shade of Red.

God works in Mysterious ways.

So good( and bad) people, that is how my No buy Vember campaign took a hit.

Next day I decided to stop over at the ebay and bid of this delicious dress when- I lost the bid.

And I realized that was the Almighty making sure I got back on course for the remaining  7 Days of November.

So- As the bible says, we are hard pressed on every side but not crushed... struck down but not destroyed.

Here is to finishing November without buying anything.

Meanwhile- I noticed that- I spent A LOT of money doing nothing this month, Not shopping but indulging in my excesses- Such as baking and other stuff.

Just goes to show that money will still be spent anyways. LOL

A few of my favorite things- Foot Rubs.

He said " you have such beautiful feet"

He also asked  " Is it just the feet you want me to rub?"

He then said "let me get on my knees so I can  work your feet properly" And he did.

Sometimes, the universe answers your prayers.

Don't be rude and ask why.
Just say thank you Universe. Thank you.

Pss: The He here is not Mr A. So no in advance to the questions. Thanks.

Psss: Thank you my readers for-reading and following up. Its so lovely.

Smiles

Sometimes, you learn that you must be kindest to the people who love you and have shown you support through your darkest times.

This year- I went through one of my darkest lowest bouts- and I was shocked.

All the people that I kind of expected to be there for me. Left me.

Hanging.

This year- I had a lot of strained relationships. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

But then again- So few people were good to me.
So good to me. If I was objective then, I would have smiled at the whole scenario.

But I am now.
And you know what- I have so few smiles in me- they belong to those that wiped my tears and placed those smiles on my face and inside me. ( ps this is not even remotely sexual)

Soooooooooooooo If you are wondering if, our relationship has become strained.

You know it has.

And this is a PSA- Stop trying to mend bridges.

I burnt them all.

I love you- But I can do without you in my life- I am sure you understand that.

In other love news

My friend L put me on this beautiful John legend song- But then all his songs are always so beautiful.

So while we were listening to it.

F says: You know John Legend is gay right?
L: Aww, why do they say that?
F: Urm because he sleeps with men. Duh!

Here is the video.

LOVE IT!!!!!!

One week

It's been a week since I did my nails.

Usually, I change the color weekly.
last week something strange happened.

I chipped it. one. In the most awkard manner.

I had no idea how to even file it.

So I did what I do when I get into awkward situations.

I just walked away. And left it alone

Which means for a week, I have no had my nails done.

My Mother would be appalled.

But old habits must truly die hard because here I am two weeks later- with my nails undone-

Because I do not know how to handle a chipped nail.

This year flew by. So flipping fast.

I can not wait.

Information

The bible holds all the secrets in the world BUT

the internet comes very close in second place.

Research. Read. Investigate.

There is a whole world of  information just awaiting your absorption on the internet.

I'm serious guys.

Google is your friend is no joke.

All legs

I am all legs- Literally and figuratively.

I am a little over 6 feet tall with the shortest torso ever.

And before you ask- NO I did not play any sport like - basket ball.

And regretfully no- I am not a super model.

I have a day job, which requires I wear day clothes.

Which for some reason do not exist in tall.

Asides the struggle to find jeans/ trousers which are not automatically ankle grazers.

I personally struggle with maxi dress.

I LOVE maxi dresses.

I feel like the right maxi dress can do for a woman what the fairy God mother did for cinderella- or was it the shoes? I cant remember- But you get the drift.

As with everything we love in fashion- I can never ever ever seem to find a decent length maxi dress.

It breaks my heart to little pieces.

Like I want to- I really really really want to wear a sexy flimsy maxi dress and let mt sexy underwear mistakenly show through it but fashion houses deny me this simple pleasure.

I usually just sew the long maxi dresses I want- But for once it would be ace not to deal with any wretched tailor. To just walk into a shop and buy a maxi dress that is long enough.

Cooking, Beating and Red Benz'es.

Sooo today the Niyola video for toh bad came out.

And as usual, got the good folk at twitter including myself flustered.

The video- depicts reality for a lot of people, and  thus- got the whole marriage discussion up and running as usual.
Nigerian twitter is obessed with Marriage- lets blame bella Naija.

Anyway- all the discussion reminded me of a couple I know.

The husbands family did not want him to marry her, because she couldn't cook.
He married her, and they are happily married now 19 years abi 20 years.

Well mostly happy. Bar that one time he beat her, and she called her father- who is now late, but was a general in the Nigerian Army. And he ended up in prison for a HOT minute*
Until his sister came to bail him out.

Buuttttt they are still happily married and stuff.

So in the spirit of Marriages being in the air- I swear EVERYbody is getting married.

In December, I have 5 weddings in Lagos.

That is 5 different dresses. Plus at least 2 bridal showers.
Lagos is so expensive in December.

But I am soo home sick. :(

Anyways so for all my friends- getting married, especially you Nneka- I know you dont read this blog, But if you ever come across it, you should totally read this,

and work so hard, so your marriage never ever ever ends.

How not to screw up your marriage.


And Know that I am rooting for you. That even know we are not as close as we were in QC- EVERYBODY is sending the best wishes your way. I pray you slay this marriage.

In a totally good way.

And about the red benz.

here is the Video that sparked all the talk. watch out for the controversial Red benz

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CzR9s2rRkk

for some reason, I can not upload it.

Ps: I made puff puff today.

The first batch- burnt.
The second batch- flat like pancakes.

The third batch came out perfect- except by then I was already sick and tired of licking the batter I couldnt eat it.

Said puff puff currently resides on my kitchen counter in all of its glorious golden brown splendor.

*- hot minute= a long ass time.
Even if you are not getting married- Kindly read the post.
Its gold.

Catching Fish

My friend L, is from Uganda, and I find that whenever my other Nigerian friends and I are gisting, She has to stop us occasionally to explain terms that we do not know the meaning of- such as - Abi, Shebi, Sha- etc.

So today we were talking about toasters.

And she asked- what does toasting mean? And I'm like talking too? wooing? courting?

Toasting is toasting because a nigga is trying to get to you- Its the period before you say yes abi?

Anyways then the term catching fish came up.

In Queen's college- Which was an all girls school, two occasions were important to Us. or Me.

At 13/14/15 any opportunity to catch fish was welcome.

The opportunities came only when boys were allowed into school. - Inter house sport AND  Rotary whatever.( I cant remember what the meetings were called)

The rotary thing was pretty exclusive, And Because I was MC of every Rotary occasion- I saw the boys alright.

But what I could never understand was how at that age, we did nothing explicity got boys to advance and talk to us and some how credited ourselves.

We refered to boys coming to talk to us as catching Fish.

Catching Fish. We wore those hideous uniforms, Hideous- But somehow got boys to talk to us AND gave ourselves props for it.

I think there was something we were taught in QC- which I can not explain or put into words that has to do with attracting men.

My Friend L- Does not know how we " Nigerian girls do it"

I think Nigerian girls have found the balance in being toasted.
You are able to front- But at the same time give off enough for said toaster to continue toasting you while not coming off as easy.

And I did try to explain this to L- who the Nigerian men here are in awe off. But can not understand how someone can be so " without guile".

L has all her cards on the table.

And that is not working for her.
Sooooo do Nigerian Men revel in chasing women who make them jump hoops?

Maybe.

Four Other things.

1- Best Man movie 2 is coming out soon. I have a crush on Taye Diggs. Who I am sure smells delicious.
I feel really blessed to be in a generation fortunate enough to be gifted not one but two best man movies.

2- How impressionable are you by tv? I remember watching boomerang with eddie murphy- and KNOWING that the minute I could get my nails done- I would ALWAYS have my nails looking on point
( In the movie, he left a woman because her toe nails were shit).
And offcourse the Domitila movie which I already spoke about. Before somewhere on the blog.

3- I do not know if I should indulge in Mr A. Mr A is everything that could go wrong. Bottled up. BUT he smells so damn good.- We will see sha.

4- Did I tell you how the few friends I made here are the most amazing. And I do not say this because of my extra thoughtful birthday presents. OR because they are always good to my terrible ass. But because I like to applaud myself on my excellent choice of people.

BUT I need to credit God for bringing all these people into my life. There is absolutely no way- I worked this one out on my own.

I know I said four but last thing.
I baked my birthday cake, myself, from scratch.

You guys need to know that
1- if my CEO/ Partner life doesn't work out
2- And I do not become a super model.
3 I could always become a baker.

Everyone said the cake was amazing. So I am guessing it was.

No-buy-Vember and Neck kisses.

I have decided to buy nothing this month.

No clothes.
No shoes
No bags
No Make up.

No Nothing.

This is the No buy Vember month. Is this a struggle?

Yes. Asos just sent me a 60% off link.

There is this boy- There is always some boy- who has this massive crush on my body.

I say this because- I treaty him very badly- This is not something I am proud off by the way- it is just what it is.

It just happens- I really am a nice person.

So Mr A has a crush on me and knows where I live.

Because the town is really small and someone thought it would be a funny joke to tell A where I lived.

- Sidebar when I was homeless, Mr A was an option as a house mate- But we had to share bathrooms- and I am a bit anal about those things.

Long story short.

Mr A is creepy. Really Pervy.

But smells so fucking good.

I know this because I hugged him when I walked him to the door at the library today.( longer story)

And he attempted to kiss my neck- But got my scarf.

Birthday Behavior.

For my Super twenty Fifth birthday- I wanted to go all out!

Give them Vegas with some friends! Or better still go somewhere overtly romantic with the lover.

Due to lack of planning and general logistics. I did neither.

I had a party at home.

And it was amazing.

I had 10 people over. cooked a three course meal for them. baked the  most delicious cake ever.

Had too many cocktails.

Received the best presents. It was a super birthday. To say the least.

It was a general reminder that- Whatever will happen, will happen.

Its what I learnt this year- Let the chips fall where they may- what wants to happen will happen and everything will be all right.

I had an amazing year. And an even better end to the year.

Also can I tell you people how amazing my friends here in Dundee are?

I got the best birthday presents in the world.

I have never been happier on a birthday.

I think. I am not sure- and I am a pretty happy person.

Also I think I need to say a huge thank you. A lot of people called me, looked for me, texted me.
Instagrammed me well wishes- WHICH  I am proud to say I returned all greetings with thanks and stuff. I am really proud of myself I never reply to those things!

So much love! Everyday should be my birthday guys!

Merchants, Dealers and slaves.

 That everyone out here, listens to Brymo's New album.

It is delicious.

It is music at its finest.

We cant stop.

I love this version of the song.

And It has nothing to do with the fact I have a twerking video.( yes I have a twerking video- Stop judging me)

PS: see how she gave Jimmy side eye when she was talking about girls with big butts.

I am def buying downloading or spotify-ing this album.


Plus this is going to be the opening theme for my birthday- Its my party- I can do what I want.

Like cook a three course meal- for 10 of my friends here and not give a shit.

Also- I am going to see Abba the musical tomorrow.

In other towns, they get awon drake and co, here we have to contend with what we have.

Plus I totally LOVE ABBA- My mother loved them and I grew up listening to Abba, and buying their greatest hits everytime I was stuck in traffic and found out it scratched super easily etc. anyways- I will download the movie/ torrent of the album to brush up on my abba skills.

Asides my prep for my super sweet sixteen birthday party-  I am Fine. Back to doing my nails.

Oh And I wrote a test and got all the answers- I have never been more dependent on God for anything ever in my life since I moved her.

Like Oh Gosh! He totally came through.

I am very pleased with this- Dear God, I know I have said thank you, but I need to " loud" the matter for everyone else.

Thank you and I love you.

Ps: That was for God.

Birthday Wishlist and other cool stories.

Unlike last year- I have a lot of things I want for my birthday this year.

Actually off the top of my head- maybe two, or three.

First stop.


1.Lipstick.

I walked into Debenhams the other day and tried on this delicious shade of lipstick- In the words of F- I so much loved it.

This is the rouge in love by lancome in color 381B Violette Coquette

2.Bag

I have travelled ALOT this year, so much that this MK travel tote is beginning to seem like a necessity. I'd take that in Plum. Please and Thank you.

This Image is Navy- but I swear, there is a Plum one and I want it.

3. T-shirts and Sweat Shirts.

I love Parody tshirts, I have probably loved them forever. Even better one of the ones I want is on Sale.

I am so here for this ballin' sweat shirt. In this color- Black. and Size Large So here for it.

This one is on Sale- In a medium. Any color but white works.

4. Fitness paraphernalia.

On the top of this list is the Nike fuel band SE- in maybe color "any other color but blackkk".

I moved house( sorted out the accommodation issue), but my house is maybe a 30 minutes walk from the shops coupled with the carrying of my shopping bags up hill, I must be losing some serious calories. A really wise thing to do will be to document all this weight loss. That being said. One Nike fuel band SE.

I need to start flexing my muscles.

5. Wrist Watch.

List would never be complete without one.

This year I am all eyes for this DKNY Women's Quartz Watch Broadway 3 Hand NY8486. I also want the NY8862 lexington. Both in Rose gold.

 I think on my very shabby list, this tops my wants. That is- I really want this. Really Really. Sprinkled with some sugar on top.

That way I will never ever be late to class ever again.

This year has been full of surprises- Most unpleasant, unexpected and disappointing. In retrospect some were pleasant.

But I found Christ this year so that worked out alright. I started my piano lessons , and I started my masters.

To be objective- 2013 has been good by a lot of standards, my zeal for perfection must be my only stumbling block to admitting that.

In about 2 weeks- I hit the big 30. LOL jk- I am turning  twenty *guess* virtual cookies for whoever gets it right.

And I am pleased with where my life is right now, although I kinda hoped my mother's grand kids would have been ready this year- stilll. I am excited about the day.

I wanted to go on a holiday- but due to foreseen and some ridiculous circumstances, I had to unfortunately put that on the shelf, and have one here in school. I would probably merge it with my house warming party- which my flat mate totally does not want to have.

So probably 5 to 10 of my close friends, 10 bottles of  wine and home cooked food with home baked cake in my new oven.

Also along with the above- I will be receiving  the usual perfumes, cards, flowers and etc etc.

I know I have been awol- But trust me I have a reason- albiet shitty one, but I am back for good now.

To whom it may concern.

Reblogged without prejudice.

http://www.businessinsider.com/the-gselevator-guide-to-being-a-man-2013-9


I have had a LONGGG week- I will be back.xxx

Day 16 and a random blog post.

Day 16:  Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

Something I am dealing with right now.. is going back to school. Its hard because asides the fact that I love lagos but I have to go back- tickets are at an all time high- and I kind of do not have a house to live in- because I have not looked for one.

LOL.

My internship got extended by one week- because my employers are slave drivers I am a hard worker, And my oga said I can come in by each day- Like that is what I am looking for.

How do I plan to address my moving back issues- I plan not to worry.

Infact- I am so chilled, It is almost amusing.

I do not know if I should or should not do my missing days- work has been quite busy- so busy that I do not even have time to blog.... who would have thunk it?

Sell Your self in 10 words or less.

First, may the souls lost in the 9-11 attacks rest in peace.

Day 11. Sell your self in 10 words or less.

" Here, have a look at my CV"- 7 words.

Most Embarrassing Moment.

Day 10:  Most embarrassing moment (s). Spill.

So when I was maybe 10 or 11, I went to Abuja with my mother and we met up her friend and her friends kids- who we hung out with the whole time at Sheraton.

I had the hugest- est crush on one of her kids, and I was always striving to impress him.

So at lunch one day- the waiter brought us water- in a jug and a bucket of Ice.

As a babe- who could not drink room temp water- I loudly requested for Ice- But used the word block.

" Can someone please pass me the BLOCK", I screeched....

#pause. #flickhair #eyecontactwiththeboyofmydreams

And everyone stopped talking- and my crush passed me the ice bucket..

And loudly proclaimed " It's Ice... Not Block"

Even though this happened over 10 years ago.. I can not think of any more embarrassing thing to have ever happened to me.

Not even when I ran into this guy at the club- who hailed me as the QUEEENNN of facebook/ the Queeeenn of Sexiness... etc etc etc...

Day 7 &8

Obviously,
I did not blog over the weekend because I am a princess in my own right- However....

Day 7:  The thing(s) you're most afraid of:

I used to be afraid of failing- But now I have failed enough to know there is nothing to fear in faliure.

Then I used to fear failed relationships- But then I realised failed relationships are nothing fear- after experiencing it.

Now the one thing I am most afraid of- Is that I would never be close to my sister. 

And I am working on it- because if there is anything I have learnt- It's that every relationship takes work.

Day 8:  A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.

Do what you want. 

I know you want to be popular, and whatever it is. 

But live your truth.

Live within your means.- The pressure is only in your head

Stop caring about the opinion of others. 

Embrace sales. 

Be Fair.

Do not be a complaint box. Be grateful and thankful.

Do only what you really want to do.

Realize that everything is green on the other side- appreciate what you have.

Finally- Fuck Bitches and Get money.- Close mouth don't get fed.

Do not be bitter- Be better.

If there is anything you can do to yourself- Avoid being bitter.

Bitterness eats away at your joy- from inside. You become dark, ugly and you have a frown always giving you wrinkles.

Bitterness changes you- Not in the way you expect because you have no idea- until you have changed.

You know how you can not be bitter- Just stop.

Do not be bitter- Be better.

People ask me how can you not be bitter and I tell them Karma.
ever
The knowledge that what you do will come after you- and yours is enough satisfaction for me to be merry with my self.

I do no ill wishing tho- I feel like there is little or no need for that.

Over the weekend- I experienced so much love from my friends and witnessed first hand how bitterness can diminish a person.

While I have had horrible experiences with friends- this weekend reminded me that I still had a lot of loyal ones who have my back.

And made me realise that I might have been unfair to treat them so badly because one bad behaviors of people.

This weekend tho so terribly short.Was a very pleasant weekend.

I am thankful for my family and the few good friends in my life... Also to God for weeding out the shit ones- giving me space to love the legit ones harder than ever.

What do you do?

Day 6. September 6 2013.
 If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?

Questioner: What do you do?

Me: Drive all the boys that like me crazy.

LOL.

Public Declaration of Love and Affection

Day 5.

I totally Love the Rust geek's writing- and from the little I have gleaned off him, I have come to admire his persona.

I like Ani's blog as well. He writes laboriously but I have come to appreciate it.

if only he would write some more.

Today I publicly declare my love for my Aburo- Who I know Does not own a blog, and should.

When I started my Internship here- I just wanted to learn but as usual, I made friends and my Aburo is the dearest of them all.

We bonded over her body piercings and my lowkey freaky attitude.

Low Key.

Slowly she won my heart and I her's and we have become some what inseparable.

If I could be 21 again, I would not mind being her- Light skinned natural haired and broken hearted.

What makes my Aburo great is how open. trusting and honest she is. I do not know a less self serving person.

Who is more beautiful inside and out.

Remember when I said God had brought me new friends- I think I am putting My Aburo on that list.

Favorite Quote

One of my Favorite Quotes- used to be the worst quote to my ears because- It implied that Family is everything. Turns out it has been incomplete and touted that way forever.

Blood is thicker than water- I hated this quote because it meant I had to be kind to  wretched Yoruba wicked family members to endure thier BS because they were blood.

Fast forward to 2013, I stumble across the real quote on Wendy's blog and I research further-

Apparentlyyyyyy  the whole Quote is this " Blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb"

Which means- Family relations carried in the same womb dont have as strong a claim as those whom you have made blood covenants with.

Hehehehe.

Another versions speaks about " Blood shed on the battle field with comrades, is thicker than water of the womb".

So when you go to battle and you and your fellow soldiers bath in the blood of your enemies- There is a stronger bond with them, than with those of your family whom you really do not give a shit about.

Another Reason I like this Quote is that You can change your friends, but can not change your family.

And God knows I have been doing a lot of that lately.

I do not know the origin/ whom to credit with this quote but various articles refer to Arabic history as the source.

#Repost

Probably one of the best blogs in a while.

This should be fun, try out the exercise.

here

Things that make me uncomfortable

Day 3.
September 3rd 2013.

Fewer things make me uncomfortable than an older man hitting on me inappropriately.

I remember going to visit a friend of mine and her dad told me he loved me and wanted to date me.

I was so freaked out, I ran away and made a conscious effort to never visit her whenever he was around.


Because I am a selfless person by nature, people with low self esteem make me uncomfortable. I always feel the need to dim my light so everyone can be comfortable.

People who indulge in self depreciating comments make me uncomfortable, because I am unable to make those kind of statements in return to keep the conversation going and then I look like I am proud or conceited. When in reality I am content with what my legs look like.

People who say things like " I heard XYZ, but I can not tell you who told me"- I'm always in my mind like- take your half loaf of miserable gist out of my life jare.

Off all this, people touching my hair, or body, inappropriately* makes me really irriatable and uncomfortable.


Read inappropriate to mean-
1.without invitation, which may be express or implied but usually the invitation is clear.
2.when both parties are sober and in a really professional environment- Like work.

Basically when I'm drunk in the club, I have no problem with people touching me or my hair or dancing with me.

One more thing is make me irritated and disgusted ( even though this post is about things making me uncomfortable) is people who get upset when people hit them in the club. Im like- do you think I came here in my sexy out fit to brush my luscious chocolate butter skin on your fucking ashy elbows?

Like is that what you really think? that you can open your smelly mouth to start chatting shit because I mistakenly stepped on you at the club and apologized????  Lagos is just different.

Something I know A lot about.

I have been tweeting about this post-

Should I write about false friends? - I seem to have learnt a significant amount of the issue in recent times.

Or about how to care for nails?

Or about how to grow your hair- as is evidenced by my yansh length human hair- albeit relaxed.

But then I decided you can read up on that every where you want. I am going to write about something every Nigerian both local content and imported returnee's need.

The Art of Crossing the road in Nigeria- Especially the Zebra Crossing.

When one is unfortunate enough not to be in a car and has to encounter a zebra crossing in Nigeria, the rules differ dramatically.
what do I mean?

For one- The cars no not stop for you.

Yes- It is your pedestrian right, but the cars will never stop for you- be it in Ogba, Yaba, Alausa, VI, VGC. The cars simply do not stop. Why? Simply because you are not a Zebra.

So how do you cross the roads in Nigeria? Simple.

 Do not look left and right and left again.

Say a prayer to God, and cross the road. while flagging down the car zooming towards you and hope it has brakes that are functioning.

Many Lives have been lost while crossing the road in Lagos- A fool proof method, is to wait until a mob needs to cross the road and then mingle in when the crowd dashes into the road forcing the cars to slow down.

Or you can ask your office security to help you flag down the cars, while you cross- Although this method is comes at a price- N200-N500 tips to the security men.

All in all, It is quite an experience when you finally get a hang of it and then it grants you an inkling when you are driving such that you don't seem so upset when all the cars behind you are "horning" incessantly as you slow down to let pedestrians cross the road.

Story of My Life in 250 words.

September 1st 2013

First 250 words are not enough but if there is any thing I have to mention when talking about my life, I must mention how lucky I am, and I have been all of it.

Basically My Chi is a very good one, I have been fortunate to find myself at the right place at the right time.

And for this I am very thankful. For some reason God looks out for me all the time- making my life the most delicious journey thus far. I currently have an overdose of self confidence and self love- Which I strongly believe, is as a result of the belief I have in myself to do whatever it is I set out to do.

And even when I fail, I get up and do it again.

I currently struggle with bad friends- ie. I have had a recent episode of amassing friends that have failed to have my intrests at heart. And I am yet to recover. Infact- I doubt I would recover fully- although I can not lie God has found a way to give me better friends- and for this I am inherently thankful.

Finally- I went out on friday night and lost my ATM card.

Story of my life thus far.

I can not wait for septemberrrr!

Day 1:  The story of your life in 250 words or less (or one paragraph... no one will be counting your words... probably)
Day 2:  Educate us on something you know alot about or are good at. Take any approach you'd like (serious and educational or funny and sarcastic)
Day 3:  Things that make you uncomfortable
Day 4:  Favorite quote (from a person, from a book, etc) and why you love it
Day 5:  Publicly profess your love and devotion for one of your blogger friends. What makes them great? Why do you love them? If you don't have blogger friends, talk about a real-life friend or even a family member
Day 6:  If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, 'what do you do'?
Day 7:  The thing(s) you're most afraid of
Day 8:  A piece of advice you have for others. Anything at all.
Day 9:  A moment in your day (this can be just a photo or both a photo and words)
Day 10:  Most embarrassing moment (s). Spill.
Day 11:  Sell yourself in 10 words or less
Day 12:  What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)
Day 13:  Issue a public apology. This can be as funny or as serious or as creative as you want it to be.
Day 14:  Ten things that make you really happy
Day 15:  A Day in the life (include photos from throughout your typical day - this could be "a photo an hour" if you'd like)
Day 16:  Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it
Day 17:  A favorite photo of yourself and why
Day 18:  Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.
Day 19:  Five of your favorite blogs and what you love about them
Day 20:  Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.
Day 21:  A list of links to your favorite posts in your archives
Day 22:  Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. (a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)
Day 23:  Things you've learned that school won't teach you
Day 24:  Your top 3 worst traits
Day 25:  Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget (good or bad)
Day 26:  Something you read online. Leave a link and discuss, if you'd like.
Day 27:  A letter to your readers
Day 28:  Only pictures
Day 29:  Five songs or pieces of music that speak to you or bring back memories. Use Grooveshark or YouTube to include them in the post
Day 30:  React to this term: Letting Go
Day 31:  A vivid memory

Hosting, posting and Washing

On wednesdays my friend debo plays soccer with a bunch of his friends.

I go to offer moral support and make snide comments from the side lines.

I love the energy there and even more than the energy- I like that I have something to do on wednesdays.

Last week, he was hungry and came through with a bunch of his friends to eat eba and okro after the game at my house.

-side bar: If I had to find my calling, I will swear Eba and Okro is somewhere at the top.

So I made the eba and Okro- and offered to make pounded yam for Kay- who I havent seen in ages!

Anyways one of his friends seemed surprised that I could host so well. Even more so because apparently- I come across as someone who can not be bothered to cater to other people.

False.

Nothing can be farther from the truth- while I have shut my doors to many people in my life- not because I hate them but simply because I am yet to find out who I can trust with my business- and right now the answer is no one.

That as an aside- I am a fabulous hostess. I might possess a career path is beer - palour-y and what not- all I need to do is learn how to make nkowbi and I am set for life.

I have also found extra amusing the incessant need that people have to post other people.
posting means to keep stringing someone along indefinitely till you are satisfied.

And because I can not understand how you as a person can you even have a certain mapped out plan for your life I can not seem to take you seriously. I would not even pretend to try to.

That as an aside.
What I find most amusing is the non stop washing that goes on in Lagos state.
I have a 9 -5 which might be an internship but I get up and go somewhere everyday.

But when I meet a male who at 5pm when I have closed from work is still in his pyjama's and is crying entrepreneur. seems like a valid scam to me.

More than a valid scam- seems like a lazy bastard telling lies. about everything.

Now I am not saying every entrepreneur is lazy and a scam artiste because he is in his pjays at 5pm after I have spent the whole day at work.  There must be something in my subconcious that makes me so vary of such washer men.

I do not even know how to handle such people but just to give them space.

If you want to lie- take the lies to people who can be bothered.

I personally have had enough lies to last ten life times.

Anyways- What have you all been up too?

I found a bag I have been wanting to buy in such a delicious mint color! I am so pleased!

I can not wait for my new clothes- so I can start carrying the bag.

I am at such a good place- I have found that in the end, you will be fine.

Eventually- at the end, we will all be okay.

Who you should marry.

You should marry your brother or cousin.

But a close cousin.

In fact, a 1st cousin.

I think Abraham knew what he was doing when he gave Issac to" Rebby baby girl"*

Why should you marry your brother?

Because then you do not need a new family. Your old one will suffice.

You never have to learn how to greet your husbands mother- because I mean you have been greeting her all
your life a certain way.

You know what else? Your mother will never wake up at 3 am to pray for the salvation of your husband to be.

I mean- You guys already attend the same church/ mosque.

Which means if you are catholic, your husband will never have to sign away his rights to raise his kids how he  likes to the church.


If you marry your cousin- your aunty becomes your mother in law.

I can give you a million and one reasons why this would work, pure blood lines, no half blood princes etc etc etc

But most importantly- the off chances of loosing the one you really love to religion or tribe differences - totally eliminated.

Okay- maybe same aso-ebi during the wedding is more important.

*= Rebecca in the bible was chosen to marry her cousin Issac as all the other girls around were heathens.

Good God.

b-ismi-llāhi r-raḥmāni r-raḥīmi

In the Name of Allah, the most merciful, the most Beneficent.

Merciful: adj: To show mercy. To be compassionate.

Mercy:
1. Compassionate treatment, especially of those under one's power; clemency.
2. A disposition to be kind and forgiving: a heart full of mercy. 
3. Something for which to be thankful; a blessing: It was a mercy that no one was hurt.
4. Alleviation of distress; relief

Beneficent: adj:  Characterized by or performing acts of kindness or charity. 
Doing good or causing good to be done 
Generous or doing good.
Resulting in good.

Al-rahmani Al rahim.

Has become one of my favorite phrases.

I do not know much about Islam, but during ramadan, I took time out to search out the meaning of that phrase.

And I fell in love with it.

The Muslims say every prayer in the name of a God, who is merciful and compassionate to the children under him and a God who always causes good to be done.

I find it intricately beautiful.

That even though I am unworthy, the God I pray to is making sure everything is good for me- the most

I totally understand why the Muslims take prayer, seriously.

Because I would if I knew the person I was asking for anything is my corner the most, I would be talking to him all the time.

Bismillah Al'Rahman Al'Rahim

Black dresses

I appreciate honesty- no matter how crass.

Which is why I did not get mad when this Nigga told me how he wanted to fuxk me the moment he saw me in my black dress.

Since I love honesty- I might as well be honest.

I am here for honest Niggas.
I do not go out and learn how to booty pop and swing my hips seductively in sexy black dresses for girls to give their opinions.

I am very here for boys who like that I look sexy and are not afraid to say it.

However- keep a lid on it. Be classy about it.

However you wanna go about that- does not concern me.

But tell the truth.

Would you believe me if i said I'm in love?
I want you to want me.


Ps: This post is complete.

music

I find that, I am not sure about the music I like anymore.

Whatever this change is- I like it.
I realised this because I am trying to make a cd for my car- confused.com

Turned in my paper yesterday and YASSSS I am about to TURN UP and paint LAGOS REEEEDDD.

Obviously, I am super excited.

How have you guys been?

TV morals

In as much as a love a good book, one of the most valuable life lessons I have gleaned was from a movie.

Domitilla to be precise.

Lesson in a nut shell - "ashawo no be work". Fuck around and get your head cut off.

If you do not like the message- talk to Fred Amata.

ps: for some reason, this movie is showing this month on DSTV.

How many children do you want?

Last week, I ended up in the hotel room of a friend of a friend of a friend ( aka do not ask- I swear it was not runs sha)

 For the benefit of this post, lets say we were three, me, him/he, Heem.

So the conversation steered towards kids.

"I want two kids" I quipped.

He laughed at said " if I married you, i'll give you five".

I'll tie my tubes after two, I retorted petulantly.

Heem: I want like three kids. But if I get small money, maybe four.

me: Yimu

Heem: But if the money too bad, five.

me: get out of here.

Heem: if the money make water pass garri, bad as e bad, I will have one outside.

everyone erupts into laughter.

Elevator Ettiquette

I work in a sort of building complex with 12-13 floors and so I have to use the elevator.

I think Nigerians seem amused when you look them in the eyes and say- Good morning or Hello.

Even though I am not a morning person- I am quite cherry when I get to work plus its polite to smile and say hi.

I have noticed that people find elevator small talk uncomfortable.

3 incidents.

I was going down one day and I ran into a guy who is friends with a friend of mine- And I saw his ID card- and I started talking to him- he was ridiculously hostile- And by the time I finished he was smiling- and I'm like- so why were you frowning before-= You think my 6 foot self is checking for your 5 foot nothing ass?
Urgh.

The other day I was coming upstairs when- The elevator opened and I said hiiiii. And some Nigga started lecherously smiling at me. And said so you do not know me. And I said err no. He said- But you said Hi- And I'm like- I stepped into this elevator, off course I said hi. And we all started laughing. Apparently- you only say hello to persons you know in this building.

Today- I was coming in and an elevator was leaving, I waved them away- because
1- I did not feel like running
2- I did not feel like running
3- I did not feel like running for the elevator.

So I waited and took another one.
#sidebar in my building there are 4 elevators 2 are akin to flying british airways ie. they are posh- have see through doors and people who sit in them all day and man the elevator.

The other two are akin to sosoliso- they haven't been renovated and all that- they seem like death traps.


Anyways the next available one this morning was a sosoliso-esque one so I jumped in with another guy the doors started closing. As they were closing two ladies appeared- Did not ask to hold it, but out of the goodness of my heart I held it open for them. These girls came in and did not have the courtesy to say thank you. Offcourse I gave them both the look over- and then they mumbled Hello. to which I replied with another stinker side eye. They quickly looked away. While I kept staring at them. And when they got off on their floor, the relief in their eyes was evident.

side bar- I am not a bully.

Anyways these are my experiences thus far- Although to be fair- I have met people who are extra excited to speak to you. Like the guy who i struck up a conversation with by asking if he was fasting- and he replied by saying I look haggard abi? And we started laughing.

 I like easy meaningless conversations in the elevator. Makes the two second elevator ride almost worth it.

I don't care- I love it!

pss: You know the law course I am taking and attempting to write a paper on, its about Human rights abuse in the Niger Delta. It is horribly sad. It breaks my heart every time. And the kind of things I see, It is almost as though we Nigerians deserve to be treated the way we are treated by other people/countries.

Today for the first time in the long time- I considered seeking a dual citizenship. I know, I know.

Proudly Nigerian but the need to stay alive is more important.

pss: I am sure in hind sight, Ken saro Wiwa would have supported Ojukwu in his Biafran quest had he known the same Nigeria he fought to keep was the same one that had him killed.

Urgh and now I have deviated. Oh well.

DuroSoke

I Love this video.

I think it is so fresh and refreshing.

And honestly 1000 times a better video than I expected Olamide to put out.

Its looks like it would have been so much fun to make.

:)

For some reason I can not upload the video. But you can watch it here

 Durosoke_Olamide_bestVideoinAmin

:)

Baby Mama Drama?

Would you marry a man that already had kids?

Yes? No? Maybe?

Last night an acquaintance was telling me about how his baby mama is a wicked person and cant cook and etc and etc.

And I said but you lived with her, you planned to marry her- now she is a witch*. because she got pregnant.

He said no- he always knew she was a witch but it became very prominent when he hit hard times and she said she must go to america to have the child and she became a nusiance. and etc etc etc.

And Then he said he was even contemplating asking her to abort the pregnancy at 8 months.

But his new girl is so kind and loving and wants to take the child into their home. Home boy said he is proposing to her on her birthday AND will do registry marriage before the year runs out.

And I'm Like oh gosh- because she wants your son?

Inherently I might not be the one whose moral compass always points north but im sure I am not morally bankrupt.

I do not see how to raise my husbands first  son that is not mine and be comfortable.

What if my own kids come and then I start to discriminate against the other child- what then?

I think marriage is hard enough without adding baby mama drama- with a witch.

Then what if the woman refuses to give my husband the child? He will now be going to see the child in her house and next thing she is pregnant again.

Like- I can not even understand the logic.

Obviously children are a gift from God- and Maybe when I find the person I think I want to spend the rest of my life with and I am oh so in love- that the love may transcend to his child- maybe just maybe I might consider contemplating marrying a man with a child and a difficult baby mama.

soooo Yay or Nay to baby mama's?

* witch here does not depict an actual witch, just a generally wicked person who might be acting like a witch. LOL

Ps: This is obviously the abridged version.

How not to cheat.

http://www.singleblackmale.org/2013/07/29/how-not-to-cheat-a-5-step-tutorial/

That article is gold. Although it left out a very very very important factor. Self discipline.

People who lack self discipline will ALWAYS  go out and cheat- Not because they want to hurt you and destroy themselves in the process but because they are selfish and lack the self will to do the right thing.

That aside- I want to really really really point out that people do not even know what other people are going through.

I heard a story recently that chilled me to my bones- and made me realise how ungrateful I have been about everything I have.

This story had me feeling so low that I have been unable to shop- or even go to the sites. And yall know how hard it is for me NOT to shop. That is how shook I was.

People have real problems- and it is until you settle down and take out time to listen to other people's story- that you will know that what you think is wrong with you is nothing.

There is the story about people in a village who kept complaining about all their problems. The wise king then asked everyone to come to the village square and put their problems in a basket and then take their neighbors own since they felt their problems were too terrible.

Villagers appeared, and by the time everyone had displayed their problems. Everybody in the village was calm. Picked up the problems they came with and went back home grateful.

And I think that is how many of us are in life- The inherent need to compare yourself or to hate your problems and wish you had someone elses problems.

Till you hear their problems and you are like dayyyummmm son!

Anyways I have started my school work- PRAISE THE LORD! Amen!

little foxes.

Friday was my brothers graduation.

Thing is - we already knew the school had brain touch, but it is a good school.

However that day, they locked the gate and had everyone either walk quite a distance OR take a paid shuttle bus which was not even frequent.

We opted to walk in the sun. and My mother complained bitterly all the way.

To be fair, it is a good school but its these little things that take away from how good it is.

Things like this are the little foxes that spoil the vineyard full of tender grapes.

And it had me thinking- what are the little little things I do that take away from the general good that I do.

They are quite a few.

And I realise that irrespective of how big your good deed is- the little foxes are equally destructive.

Do not allow anything take away from your good deeds/ name/acts.

Be wary of the little foxes that spoil the yard.

Meanwhile i have concluded that I am going to learn how to sew. I am so fucking tired of people, actually tailors giving me grief- I mean it can not be that hard right?

Well I will find somewhere to go and learn the basics and then come back. and perfect it abeg.

LOL.

I was chosen to be an usher for my office's AGM which took place today.

And let me just say experience OF LAIVEEE. Yes I spelt Life as LAIVEE.

Oh gosh. So many things happened.

From the men who wanted to take me home. To the one who wanted to be my friend. To the man who was getting mad because there were no more seats to this good looking Nigga who kept checking for me. ( AND I will talk about later)

It was sha an experience.

LOL turns out  my radar is NOT off and that good looking Negro ran into me when I got back to the office AND asked me to stop by his office before I leave- Not happening abeg.

Aint nobody got time for office romance.

In more interesting news- Its Eneni's Birthday. Eneni is my friend who has become my sister and has managed to make her family my family and vice versa. And I love her oh so dearly. So please help me send out good wishes to her today and always!

Plus she is having a party today. Parties are my forte! I am so tired and I am yet to start writing my papersssss! Oh Gosh.

Did I tell you guys Lekan's birthday was this week and he did not tell me.

Also did I telll you guys that Lekan helped me to interpret my regression for the paper in which I got an A and the course work was 70%.

Did I tell you people how upset I was?

Lekan. KO DA!!! it is not good.

that aside please send him good wishes.

Ps: Everyday in my office it is someone's birthday- Hence SMALL CHOPS!
So I say this with authority that Laredo's small chops did not TRY AT ALL,

Okay guys. Bye.

Insincerity

Sometimes I can see through people.

Almost like they are bathing in windex.

I'm learning to let people tell their lies.

Especially when I know the truth.

Holy Water and Toll gate Charity

Greetings!

Since I somewhat sneaked into town I have had to apologize repeatedly to everyone over and over and over again and it is getting tiresome.

Anyways that is not what I want to talk about.

On Sunday my cousin had a thanksgiving in her church so I went with my mother. It was a catholic church and oh such a long service.

Anyway we arrived on time settled down. danced to the front during the thanksgiving and as I reached the altar. * splash* water touched me.

Haba I thought, the roof can not possibly be leaking now.

Alas- It was the priest sprinkling water on us.

So in my haste to avoid another splash I mistakenly turned left while my seat was on the right side.

And as I turned to the left * splash* right in the middle of my modestly exposed cleavage.

I kept going till my mother nudged me that I was in the wrong direction.

Quickly I did a 180 degree turn hoping I could avoid another splash while attempting to turn right.

No such luck.

*splash* AGAIN as I was attempting to avoid the splashes. I just gave up. and when the next splash touched me I did not even wince again.

( In retrospect, my so called modest cleavage might have been immodest for a catholic church and hence all the many splashes of water).

Drenched in the holiness of holy water I made my way back to my seat and waited for church to end.

After church I went to the reception and had uncountable amounts of puff puff because I was the chosen one annointed to oversee the distribution of small chops.

Abuse of power is inevitable when one is in charge of small chops. Like one is not even aware as they stuff themselves with puff puff instead of the little plastic plates in the tray.

Anyways after obviously packing take away puff puff.

I went home. There My maid decided to dissapear after church and so I was on kitchen duty for a while.

A while meaning 2 hrs- as I had to recook the stew, and vegetable. fry plantain and cook rice for my mothers guests.

#slightwork # dearfuturehusbandIamreadyforyounow

Anyways I went to lekki to see my friend and I had one N200 note and one N20 note.

Paid my toll to go through to lekki and collected my N100 change.

We had drinks at the Beehive ( Dear Beyonce, you should totally have your stans sue)

and it is this " crepery" - I swear the word is written on the menu there.

After drinks- I had to go back home through the toll because there was no way I was putting my new car through alternative route at 10pm on sunday night.


Fastforward to the toll gate- I just told the ticket man that I forgot I did not have cash and do they take cards?

After almost no pleading- They let me go.

That Holy water must be powerful!

:)))))))


Also I was out on friday But this post is long enough as it is. I will tell you people how Lagos teaches you np be wary of awoof but not to look a gift horse in its mouth at the same damn time.

Once you have struck this balance- you will be a proper lagos girl.

But later I will tell the story of friday night.

I AM YET TO START MY PAPER!!!! PRAY FOR ME GUYS! PRAY!

Okay. Have a good week everyone.xxx