2016 reviews and all that good stuff

Ah 2016.

That bible verse is what 2016 was for me really.

and it a damn shame I didn't even know it till I stumbled across it last night.

And then I knew it was time to write this post.

Soooooooo


2016 was delicious and sad but mostly happy times.

I went to cape town in May to watch my friend get married to the love of her life! *insert balloon emoticons here*

Then went to Lebanon to have what I would always refer to as the best holiday OF MY LIFE.

(truly Liban was perfect- all this they are fighting stories always so extra with it)

I also went to Dubai & Abu Dhabi. ( I would totally have to go back), because I didn't finish doing all the things I wanted to truly do.

Now for the sad part, you know how I said I was trusting God for something earlier in the year and praying and fasting and putting all the positive vibes in the world out?

Yah.

It didn't pan out quite like I expected.

Infact the outcome was so far removed from what I expected that I'm still just like WAWU.

But totally taking it one day at a time. You know, because how else is there to take such things?

I mean asides the belief that all things will work out for my good and all that jazz, God is really intentional about the things he does.

On to new beginnings.

New job starting first week in Januaryyyyyyyy.

Are we excited?
YASSSSSSSS.

I just read through my posts this year and realized how hard I prayed for a different outcome than my current reality and I'm like wow, me not getting this thing must be like a blessing in disguise.

Because I'm trying to think if I have never wanted anything so much, that I prayed so much about it. And still did not get it.

Totally unfair.

But I guess it is what it issssssss.

Now I have lots of people asking me if I am heartbroken?

LOL.

I know for a fact, I am not heartbroken.- a little sad at how things played out.

I have been heartbroken and the symptoms are all the same.
Random breakdowns in public places, constant non stop messages with my friends about the situation almost akin to picking at a scab and finally the crying in my sleep.

Seriously I would dream I was crying, and wake up choking on my tears.

and also the random 50 page text messages I would send out at 4am in the morning -once I awake from my sleep crying sessions.

So no I am not heart broken.

If anything I'm slightly irritated and can not wait for this to blow over so I can pretty much move on with my life.

In 2017.

I do not know if I have any resolutions per say.

I just want to find a variation of my whole 30 meal plan that I can adopt fully into my life and sell my adult coloring books in peace, and have my skin look like walking photoshop.

And offcourse my vacations, I'm thinking of doing lots of africa travel in 2017 soooo, Madagascar, Mauritius, Morocco, Senegal, Seychelles, maybe Kenya & Ethiopia.

with the usual America to use my visa obviously and london because wagamama.

I enjoyed being intentional in 2016 and in addition to that in 2017 I'm leaving one sided relationships behind.

This means if you are my friend and you have blocked me on instagram (yes sub), please get out of my whatsapp messages because I am never doing you any favors in my life ever again.

This also means If I have heard that you are badly behaved and you are out there talking about me and my business because you have been privy to my inner circle gist. In 2017 -actually starting from when you read this post, please ehn, do not call me ever again. (yes sub)

and finally Finally FINALLY, if you have taken sides, please I'm using God to beg you. be principled enough to stay away from me.

I just want to drink 8 glasses of water without drama in my life, so my skin can shine and I can make money in 2017.

Anything else is Jara from  God. Truly.

Xmas

I'm feeling all sorts of meh the closer we get to Christmas, because this is not how I envisioned the whole thing to pan out.

Actually this is not how I envisioned 2016.

I legit went from fallinb( and being) in love to drunk and falling apart.

I even took a 30 day break fro, alcohol because I did moh want a dependency.

Anyway I'm feeling very meh. About lots of things

The first is that I am yet to get any presents , for xmas,

Update

It is with a heavy heart, I am forced to concede defeat.

The 30 day writing challenge well.

there are 365 days in 2017, I will try again.

I was out of town for a week visiting London and finally DXB!

while I truly really liked Dubai, It is such a soulless city.

Or maybe it was the head space I was in (which I am still in).

I'm worried I'm causing my mother a lot of pain and its causing me pain and I wish there was something I could do to help her.

Actually I'm not worried, I know I am causing her pain, because she sent me an email today saying-

I have been in a lot of pain since you made this decision.

And that broke me.

I did not cry, which is strange. I'm guessing I am cried out.

You know how I used to enjoy crying. Like I could just sit and cry?

Now I loathe crying.

Totally. hate it.

So I do not do it as much as I would.

Also because I'm all cried out as I said.

None the less!

Also I'm finding that material things are not consoling me as much.

I literally bought maybe 5 items and gave my sister all my money to buy things.

Strange. ( I used to be such a buyer)

Also maybe I have too many things?- My mother surely thinks so.

Tomorrow is another day.

I'm getting my hair done.

And I'm getting my dress fitted for Debo's wedding on Saturday.

Ps: My friend Debo's who I talk about all the time's birthday was yesterday.

Today was his traditional wedding( But I'm working because clearing my desk)

and Saturday- I PLAN TO FINISH THEM. 

Fingers. Hair

I did not want to write about fingers because they bring back the most delicious thoughts of my most salacious activities in the worst possible way. But fret not, I have not done porn yet.

I have the most complex relationship with my hair and fingers.

In that I Love fingers running through my hair.

But lately I haven't wanted anyone running fingers through my hair.

Or anything really ( I may be lying- but who cares?)

I recently found out that I liked holding hands and  linking fingers with people.

Which is truly strange because I actually hate leaving my hands in people's palms?

Lots of things are so strange these days.

My hair is the shortest I've had it since birth and now I'm liking holding hands.

For someone who is swirling in confusion, I quite like it.

for the first time in  a long time, I made..

Never mind what I made.

Just don't run your hands through my hair anymore.

Because that ship has sailed, and left you behind.

Villain. Sister. Drunk

What makes someone a Villain?

Is it the bad things they do to the protagonist in a story?

Or is it the fact that they never get to tell their own story?

My relationship with my only sister has been for lack of a better word stressful.

And sometimes I wonder if that makes her the villain in my life's story.

She constantly moves my things around; she takes what I specifically tell her NOT  to take,

But I do not think it makes her a bad person, because villains are not one dimensional.

They are living, breathing sometimes drunk people who do shit to stress you out.

Heart

#HonestyHour

I'm going to talk about the gift and curse of feeling things a bit too deeply, and how I embraced

Step 1. I read Paulo Cohelo's the way of the bow and the four agreements by Don miguel Ruiz.

Lots of people say it's fluff reading.

But both of them taught me to not take anything personal.

In realising it's not you, Its literally them, there is some form of peace and you find that there is some space in your heart for things that truly matter.

Like cholesterol from the Steak I could have been eating this afternoon if I decided to play truant AND not even come into work today.

But old habits die hard.

Step 2. Read step 1, Drink some red wine and ask your self why?
-why am I so upset?
-What is triggering these emotions that run so deep?
-Do I ever plan to address these issues?


Step 3: Honesty has a way of bringing you peace.

And it gives you ease of mind, I have always always always been a fan of love that is erratic and butterfly filled and just crazy stupid passionately drowning.

Always.

Because what else is there to do than to put your heart to work, pumping blood at a rate that feels like your heart will burst?

Suggestion: Nothing


In as much as I feel the crazyness of the love that is erratic, I can swear to you that you need your head.

even better put pen to paper and write.

Write out what you want AND then tell your heart to do what you want.

Step 4:

Be steeped in it, as an unashamed lover girl, y'all know by now that I'm a lean mean fronting machine.

I stopped fronting. Going all in ensured that I put my back and best into ventures and I was able to pull out when said ventures stopped serving me.

There is literally nothing else to be done.

Your best was not good enough.

And your heart makes peace with that fact and lets you have peace.

Thanksgiving

I am generally thankful person.

I try my best not to grumble and I always try to see the best of every situation.

But this year has been TRYING, for lack of a better word, so when thanksgiving came around and I

was out of Lagos I just kneewwwww in my heart of hearts that I had to host a friendsgiving shindig.


So quick shout out to everyone through who came at such short notice.

It was truly a perfect night.

My heart is full and I am bursting with pleasure at the thought of the memories of last night.

Like today I just remembered something and burst into like loud laughter. more like cackle because

y'all know I am truly reckless.

Debo called me today and said he was about to file an official complaint against whoever was

holding  me in Abuja.

Debo that would be my credit alert at Month end for real.

But Truly Truly Truly the blood shared on the battle field of life is superior to the water of the womb.


Also did the most lavish mannequin challenge video and it was perfect...

I think my life is pretty perfect now tbh, and that makes me happy.

What are you thankful for this year?

Bones

I remember watching the Bone Collector on DBN's NightShift.

( I just realised I might be a collectors Item)

I actually know people that did not meet DBN.

Bones

When things grow we never pay attention.- Well I don't.

Because  I'm carried away, with sinew with muscle

With flesh.

With Blood

And everything but bones.

Lately I am finding a new found love for Bones.

Solid, dependable and without wax.

And also because I am finding the act of stripping down

to the bone of certain matters therapeutic.

Like picking at scabs,

We should leave to heal but we do not any way.

Because we are all a bit crazy.

Well I'm finding that to be true about me,

Teeth

and you take a bite of reality,

And you begin to chew, slowly ,

Savouring the favors

And just enjoying the textures in your mouth,

Then a sharp sensation, because it's not pain

It's a jolt.

It is exactly what you feel with you bite on foil with an amalgam filling.

Except it's 10 times worse, and then it hits you,

You either have to spit out reality

Or you lose a tooth.

Guess which went?

(hint: I have 30 teeth left, but I'm chewing till the wheels come off)

Ash

When I saw this prompt all I could think of was this quote

Ashes.

I like the beginning of things.

I'm not a slow starter so I put my back into most things when I start.

I'm the self starter that smoulders like coal.

I tell myself , you do not want flames, smouldering is better, the residue is more solid.

Then I kick in, and start stoking the fire.

Some olive branches of affection serve as tinder.

My best behavior as oxygen.

Then flames. Bright. High. Hot

Fiery Red.

In this moment, I am all of a sudden disinterested in this fire.

And flames change to blue.

They say the flame that burns twice as bright burns out in half the time.

They never lied.

Sometimes, I see embers and  last minute I try to revive the fire.

But every time,

Every time, all that is left , is a pile of ash.

And what else is left to do with ash, than to rise like a phoenix?

You tell me.

30 Day Challenge

Today starts the writing challenge.

Hero.

For a long time, I always assumed that someone would swoop in and save me and be my hero.

But I'm finding that, like broken down vehicles, people only come to your aid when they see you

come down, pop open the hood of the car, and pretend to stare intently at what you do not know,

Then  the Hero comes amidst the noise makers who start asking questions, "Do you have water for

the radiator?" or just generally commenting " Ah this over heating is serious, Aunt-ee why did you

not check your water today?".

I find that the Hero takes charge, the hero does not ask stupid rhetorical questions,  the Hero makes

no foolish comments, the Hero just gets to work.

The Hero asks " Is there someone who you can call to be get you to your destination in the unlikely

event that we can not sort this out?"

But the beauty about the Hero, is how they are always the most unlikely people, in the most

implausible situations, offering assistance. Invariably shaming the people you hoped would help you.

I find that taking the first step towards a solution in any direction, invariably brings noise makers,

but going placidly towards a solution, brings the Hero. The Hero is always there, we just need to

listen, pay attention and be aware.

I have no idea how or why, but that's just how it works.


Update: In a bid to be more accountable, I am writing these 30 days along with D (who writes here),

who has so  graciously decided to write along me till the wheels fall off. ( Hopefully this happens

after 30 days). Show him some love.

Strokes and Vibes

Can we agree that maybe I should regroup this 30 day challenge?

Because I have missed three days and  I think I want to collaborate with my friend to keep ourselves accountable?

Sha. We have to agree.

This weekend was so for lack of a better word interesting.

Because I went to see Femi Kuti with my girl Steph and it was such a good show.

From there a bunch of us went to some 24 hour restaurant type place  (That has MUCH better food than prime chinese -Lagos take note) and had salads because Whole 30 perfection.

Saturday had me seeing friends I hadn't seen in AGES, and having candid conversations and just basically chilling.

I also popped into vanilla and it was nice to finally see the selfie mirror. You guys my selfie game is so poor. *In rekado banks voice* its a problem.


and came back to my hotel to catch up on ALL the sleep I missed out this week.

Sunday had me attempt to finish coloring the first page of my coloring book.

And offer running commentary for my friends golf practice.

Take aways from the weekend, I need to Focus.

Also I;m doing a lot of 2016 stock taking and my God, I think I left too much that concerned me in the hands of people that had no business.

in 2017. Iyalaya Anybody that tries me.

will be resetting dynamics and what not.

I am also thankful for this Abuja trip because I found the much needed rest and reset I needed.

I'm not missing meals and my skin is good and my whole 30 looks perfect.

and I am truly thankful for answered prayers.

Contemplating hosting a thanksgiving dinner on Thursday at one of my fave resturants, because I love my abuja fam bam and I am here so I might as well be present & Thankful.

Day 1: Love

Ha.

I know.

First a love quote:

There are lovers content with longing, I am not one of them- Rumi

Here are a few things I am currently loving (In no particular order)

-Emeli sande's new album (I'm actually looking up tour dates)- faves for now include Babe, Sweet Architect, I'd rather not.

-Wendy's blog and these three posts on love.

This ,This and Thisss

Most especially the last one.

- The 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 test.
You really need to follow me on twitter to get the general gist, but basically a good test before you let someone into your life and grant them the capacity to wreck you; you need to carry out the above test.

It's basically substituting the love in those verses, with the persons name.

So for example,

4. Love Ore is patient, love Ore is kind. It Ore does not envy[ Her friends designer bag] , it Ore does not boast [ about how perfect her finances are], it  Ore is not proud [ If you stopped here to laugh, It's fine, I laughed too].

You get the drift. I'm not completing it because it is abysmal how I fail this test.

 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

I always hope sha so.

But you get the point.
This is also always the goal,always has been. to be 1 Cor 13:4-8 compliant.

Always.

Now some of us are not Christians,  this is fine, I suggest the invitation by Oriah mountain dreamer.

 It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.
It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

It is a good way to know if said person deserves to darken the door step of the gate where you keep your heart under lock and key (to which Dj Khaled holds the major one)

So those are my take away's on love.

Beloved, this goes beyond letting one's penis into your love garden. Because the hurt that brings heals but letting the wrong person in, fractures you. In ways where you eventually decide to put yourself together again; you are a whole new different person.

And Trust me. That sucks, especially if you liked the old you alot.

Ps: I have a bunch of people reaching out to me, wanting to be there for me.
Thank you, but if I didn't send for you. Please do not come and want to be there for me.

I know how rude it sounds, but really please. Just PLEASE.

Thank you.

Pss: Everytime we speak of  love, we often negate the first line of love, the love our friends give us.

So my friends, Thank you.

You have loved me tenderly and gently and all the ways I have needed to be loved.

And I am thankful. Truly *In donald trumps voice*

Psss: My friend M, got engaged this week and I was about to combust from the pleasure of the news.

No really. If I could, I would have.

Pssss: You should really follow me on twitter, today I had a few solid  gems on there. Solid, Bigly and any other newly created trump adjective.

I find it weird how Americans voted for a man that said "Bigly" and they get a dictionary in Microsoft word? *insert eye roll*

A whole 30 days of blogging

I miss blogging so honestly so much.

I came across a 2010 post when I spoke about how much I missed #Thelover but was never going to tell him.


ah best times.

coinciding with my whole 30 which took a hit last night because I followed my friend to go and watch the accountant (Because she promised her boyfriend she would not see doctor strange without him), and she bought popcorn

And I ate.

You are not allowed to eat popcorn or rice or pasta.

I'm going to my friends house to cook me a whole 30 dinner.

mince meat and mushroom sauce with yam or sweet potatoe or plantain.

I think what I would miss the most is the rice & beans from chicken republic.

So day 1: LEZZ DO THISSSS.

Does anyone know of a site where I can get a promter/topic for a 30/20 day blogging type guide?

Or should I just be random with it?

Day Trip To Paris

I would be going on my second to the  last vacation in December ( I know I know)

But I would be in London for a few days maybe 5, But for some reason I am DYING, just dying to go to Paris for a day.

I have been to Paris Twice before but NEVER alone.

Because- what sort of sad person goes to the city of lights alone?

(Hint: the person who is in the frame of mind I am currently at)

I do not really have anything I am going to do in Paris per say.

I think I just want to go somewhere get lost (because I speak zero french) and at the end of the day
pack my things and come back home.

Does anyone else feel the same when they can't hack the head space they are in?

Also how sad on a scale of 1 to Americans voted for Trump is me going to Paris alone in winter?

(Hint: Very I know, I also kind of do not care)

I'm contemplating the Whole 30 because,

I want luminous skin that looks like it has been airbrushed by your fave Instagram photo retoucher,

I want body fluids that taste like ambrosia

And I want a sex drive that goes from zero to 100 in 3.5seconds rivalling your MCM's dream Ferrari.


I also need the get rid of these menstural cramps that ( while I'm grateful for not being pregnant), I ca t understand why they hurt so much.

I am also at a place in my life where I'm leaning into changes so why not?

I am so excited about starting the Whole 30. And trying to prepare my mind for it because - In December from the 15th, my calendar is full and I'm just trying to be ready for all the champagne that I will be drinking.

My friend Debo is getting married ! Semi surreal.
My Friend Tola is also getting married.

So as you can see- there is no way I can risk not being able to drink alcohol and these events!

None the less it is particularly difficult for me because I'm currently in my favorite hotel in what might just become one of my best cities in Nigeria( only because of how convienet life here is)

Ps: how do I go about drinking more water?

I'm doing less than 750cl/ day and my pee tells me Das not gud.

Update

Two posts in one day,

you guys are lucky.

Just popping in over  here to state categorically that I love my hair cut.

My New driver starts Tomorrow (Can someone say Big girl?)

I actually just printed out guarantor forms.

Some times I can not believe that This is my life RN.

Like, It is surreal.

But I am thankful.

I also think I am relieved.

But I am mostly thankful.

This year I'm learning that No is an answer that God gives as well.


And the answer comes with a bout of peace you can't buy in the market.

Totally Random but worthy of note: Can wedding decorators KILL this mood light trend?

All the photos from Saturday are horribly pink.

Reminds me of Life hotel opposite garage in Warri.

urgh

Moving, Leaving, Progression

In the last few weeks I might have dipped one foot into the baby girl lifestyle and let me tell you.

Life is Good.

I do not know if I mentioned this earlier AND truly I should have,

I GOT A NEW JOOOOBBBBB!

And my last day here is Dec 31st.

:(

Obviously since I have put in notice I have become even more tardy, coming in at 9:45am, and what not.

But I just realised I would REALLY really really miss this place.

Truly my partner who is my office sugar daddy, all my clients who repeatedly tell me I'm too goodlooking for the job and I should be resting in my husbands house (This is silly, but I get that it is from a place of love), to my whining about traffic to just walking into balogun to buy what I like, to my free parking space at the car park.

Like and these are just the perks. The deadline pressures, the excitement over a wedding, the small chops they share during birthdays. You guys are very close for an Audit firm- my mum said this morning when one of my Senior managers called me because I hadn't bought small chops for my birthday.

And I said yes, we are quite close, I will miss them.

And I would actually miss them, there was a time I wanted to make partner here but then I wanted to leave so much and now I'm leaving I'm not having any buyers remorse.

Like I can not wait

I mean I am truly nervous but for the most part I am excited.

I had lunch with my friend Debo yesterday.

Inamorato, (Because I hope all of you are men reading this)

I have no idea how I got sooo lucky.

None at all.

I overate over the weekend and my skin is splotchy AF,

I know my diet does not agree with my skin and really should leave this alcohol in the morning life alone but SOMETHING MUST KILL A WOMAN.

I miss hosting.

When I lived in Ikoyi, all I did was have parties, games nights, random come chops, friday night wait out traffic meetings. Dinners

But now: :(

Ah well.

I need to rememdy this because both Aldmoni  & Debo pointed out that they have missed my parties at home.

Oh wellllllllllll.

I saw the Accountant.

I couldn't be prouder to be an accountant during the movie.

I mean minus the killing.

But it is such a good movie- I am slowly falling in love with Ben affleck again. Plus shey they said he is single now?

I hated him so much after he was rubbing J-lo's bum bum in that video on the yacht and they were #Bennifer and then they broke up.

Off course all of this anger vanished after I saw him in Gone Girl.

But now- Truly I am like *insert Love struck Emoji here*

#TwentyFineLikeWine

How old are you turning?

Twenty Fine.

Huh?

Did I stutter?

I have been unhappy for a while, but I think I am happier now.

I laughing. from my belly.

I did not realize it till my friend C from a previous post pointed it out to me.

(I was really cackling).

yes I cackle.

Anyway so yesterday I decided to put on my big girl pants and sort most of my life out.

I interviewed a driver. *Fingers crossed he starts on monday*

Two- I went to theEtag Office. You need to know that Yoruba demons are still alive and roaming the streets in their freshly starched native looking for unsuspecting women to devour.

To the really nice man at the LCC office yesterday. You could have apologised without caressing my arms so lovingly.

Three: I went to Ikoyi club to TRY to start my membership process because I AM so ready to face Ikoyi club chilling as an adult member.

Beloved, When I saw the bill and requirements.
They want your CV.
A letter of Introduction from your place of work
A fully Fledged member to sign for you.
Two pints of your grand mothers blood
and
a bucket of Unicorn Piss

Along with maybe 1.5 million Nigerian Nairas.

Beloved, perhaps this adulting thing we can get a subsidy for it?

I went to the saloon and cut of my bra length hair.
Now this hair cut I have.
Is not just a problem.
It is THE problem.

For real.

None the less.

:)

If compliments could kill you I would be dead by now.

It's my girl Ori's birthday so I'm taking my Twenty Fine year old self to support her at bogobiri.

Along with one of my male friends that I've invited for her birthday present (because I am generous)

And T, Because come on its T, he drove my siblings &I to Vegas from LA and back and didn't collect fuel money.

I also just had such a stressful but neccesary conversation with a co-worker of mine who said he had to work so hard for us to become friends.

Me in my mind : We are not even friends.

I'm serious.

But because I'm obviously well behaved, I was like I can see why you would have felt that way, I am a little guarded.

He said yes, even your instagram account is protected.

Children of the most high- Do you see a correlation?

Anyway that ended and I am so ready to face this week and this year heads on.

I am truly happy and I am at peace with my cackling self.

Pss; I swear I'm not as fancy as people say I am.

Anointing

I'm unsually late to this party.
But better late than never.
I was at 355 on Saturday with another of my Yoruba boys and this song came on.
I just knew I had to download it and have it on repeat non stop.

Anytime wey I see her,

Any time I'm holding her hand

Anytime we are doing something else

She say she dey feel the anointing.

Ehen.

*insert woman in the red dress dancing emoji here*

On hair cuts

Two things before I get into my haircut story.

T is in town. One more Yoruba boy in my life to really drive home the point that, Yoruba boys make the best friends and the most disastrous lovers.

Beloved, stop letting Yoruba boys put their penises in your bodies.

Two
I need to let you all know how hard Timaya's BangBang bangs.

It goes soooooo hard.

If anyone tells you money is not good. delete their number before the annual new year purge.
You do not need that sort of negativity in your life.
But before you delete them, ask them to go and watch Timaya's Bang Bang video and they should see how good money is.

Anyway.
When I turned 18, I was in this stressful situation with a boy I had no business being in situations with. Anyway so I turned 18, he liked my hair but he hurt me so much so I cut my hair.

I got this really chic hair cut at Bobbies in Lere in a bid to spite him but turns out it came out super cute, brought more boys to the yard but was unbelieviably hard to keep it looking fresh, So I grew out my hair.

In a few days I turn 28.

10 years later, I find myself seriously contemplating cutting my bra length hair that I've spent the last 2 years cultivating.

And I worry that there has been no emotional growth.

But that is crazy because I know there has been growth.
So riddle me this- Why am I goggling pixie cuts?

And on the 7th day,

The baby died.

And because of how my life is turning out right now.

I'm just here like

Maybe I should adopt David's method.

And go back to enjoying my life no?

Ps- Looking for tailors to get me slay worthy jumpsuits.


Thanks.

pss; How do we feel about cuttoles?

Soooo

I want to learn to let go and let God.

I have been wanting something for so long and I've got it but it is starting to stress me out.

I am feeling really really stressed.

I feel like I have spent the year managing and walking a tightrope and I am at my wits end.

Confused.

You want something for so long,

you get it- BUT you do not have peace?

What is that about?

I also need to have a meeting with my partner and I'm nervous as hell.

And I'm never nervous and he is my actual friend.

This is really scary.


Who wants to guess what is really plaguing me now?

Eros wants 7 people per sex for our bridal party.

I want 2.

why do we need 7?

Urgh.

Head of the house

So I buy water at home.

Not really buy more like take from my mum's house because she has a water factory and these are the dividends of labor.

so I get water from my mum's house to my own house.


But there are lapses often and it results in no water situation.

So on wednesday I am lamenting that there is no water ( in the Taps)

Eros being unusually passive aggressive said- yeah you are supposed to be handling that

Me: I meant no water to shower , not drinking water

Eros: Yes that has been since morning but there is still no drinking water and its your area. you are supposed to handle it.

Me; *sensing an argument that I do not need* OK. I'm not handling water again. Please you sort out water.

Him: NO. you have to handle it. you have been handling it since.

Me: You are the head of the house; please take responsibility for this water.

both of us: starts stifling laughter.

Him: I've told you, keep doing the water.

Me: Head of the house.

Him: Head of the house, says you should do the water. Honor your husband.

Me: Urgh Go to church, it is respect not Honor.

Him: Whatever- just keep doing the water.

Me: eyeroll.


ps: I loathe bridal showers. I think they are just a final waste of our time. None the less I am tasked with planning one for my sister.

Because (side eye to her friends)- I am finding out three very important things, I did not know because I am a salary earning soul- People do not like to pay for anything.

you give them small space- They do what they want.

I had initally done the wise thing to get a planner based on the budget I had envisioned when I asked people to pay.

Then it turns out people do not want to pay. AT ALL. So I have to scrap the planner and actually do this myself.

frustrated.com

But slowly overcoming.

Glad I am skilled in budgeting and cash management. We are on course for the shower.

Although everything is so damn expensive- It is the dollar ma.

Look out for the photos on the blog and my Instagram.

*squeal*

Update

I'm Not Pregnant

via GIPHY


Now to struggle with the Cost of tampax pearls in Nigeria.

Why oh lord are tampons that are such a necessity so damn expensive?!

So Exactly what did you get up to in Lebanon?

Itunu asked as we were sorting through the items for delivery from her Sallah sale.

Me: well typically my day went like this, wake up,  eat breakfast, come back to the hotel room, have sex, shower, wait for my host to come and get me, go swimming in the ocean, eat lunch, come back to hotel more sex, shower get dressed to go out in the night. Go clubbing till about 4am.

Wash Rinse Repeat- basically.

She: so basically you are like pregnant now?

Me: OMG, I hope not, asides the fact that we can't afford it. My boobs have been acting funny.


I honestly think Leban was one of my most RESTFUL vacations. No work looming over me,

No random need to buy anything.

It was literally perfect.

Would I love to go again? YES please.

Lebanon

Aka Leb.

I do not know if I ever mentioned it but Eros does not do conventional work like me.

This does not translate to house husbandry unfortunately as he still isn't as proficient at house work as he should be.

Anyway. One of the things he does- Liquor business he runs with some lebanese people.

Well two lebanese people. However the lebs are so so family oriented that somehow we have become honorary Lebs.

So one of his  business partners is getting married today and we are here in lebanon for the wedding


You guys; Most of my holidays are full enjoyment but I have to confess- This one is next level.

Chai.

The level of do nothing ness is appalling. But in the best way possible.

Enough about happiness and satisfaction. Let me tell you about Leb.

So when I heard that the groom was getting married to a woman who had never been to Nigeria and was lebanese- I felt so sad. like deep down sadness for the bride. Nigeria is bad enough for Nigerians that are women. Talk less of Lebanese women moving to Nigeria to get married. I was up in arms, how would be cope?


Turns out there would be little or ZERO adjustment.

Lebanon is pretty much lagos with Lebanese people.
from the airport trying to cross the road with luggage- The cars wont even stop lagos style.

It was amusing.

The driver was a manic. Eros refused to come and get me from the airport ( Totally Lagos behavior).

And the only difference is that the city is really really war torn.

even though it is being rebuilt? The scars of war are everywhere. It

In control

So I think I give off the vibe that I have all my life under control.

Today I couldn't rationalise buying a pack and pearl tampons for N4,000 but went to the liquor store and bought the most delicious bottle of moscato for myself to drink at about the same price.

Even though I am trying to slow down my drinking.

Anyways, I think I struggle to sell myself.

Like look, I am amazing at what I do. please Hire me now.

Why do I need to convince you that I actually can do what I know I can do.

There should be sell your self classes in University -because hello real life skill.

I think I am ready to become deliberate with my new friendships.

So if you have a private jet - Hi I am open to being friends with you. and I promise to clean up after myself and to not be tardy( Last bit is a lie- BUTTT I am working on it)

I am dying to tell you guys about all the things going on in my life.
But I need you guys to remember that God makes everything beautiful in his own time.

Including my holiday ready manicure.

:)

I would put up a photo but. nah

Ps- Why do people who know me in real life laugh at me when I say I am anonymous on twitter.

I am though.

On responses that no one asked you for.

because really at the end of the day it is just hair.

So obviously I am at work and instead of working, I'm combing through my usual blogs (ps- I am still crying about the reduction in the frequency of personal blogposts)

Anyways I come across this interesting post about hair.

Which is really good that people are beginning to take note about.

Currently my hair is in 6 plaits all back across my head and its really rough because this is the second week running.

My bosses do not even care anymore and HR has started to emulate me my plaiting their own hair.

When I comes to hair, I'm pretty much the path of least resistance.

I mean, I have an event I NEED to slay at, my hair has to be LAID.  and it could be braids, or crochet or a weave, as long as it shows my good side and is flipping low maintenance.

For someone with relaxed hair, I take super super super good care of my hair according to my natural friend Eneni, Ore you are really extra with this hair shit.

Meaning I do a pre-poo treatment before I shampoo, I do minimal heat and I do not comb wet hair.

Anything else is Jara.

But what I have learnt working in corporate Nigeria and carrying didi to work (no wig) is that no one cares if you do not care.

I work in a building with about 20 other companies and we all use the same 4 elevators, I'm constantly on my phone while riding, so I am yet to have anyone stop me and ask why my hair isn't done.

And if I ever get asked, I would respond- IT IS DONE. Just not how you like

which is really fine because it is not your hair and it is not on your head, so really.

Now for all my bragging I will be the first to admit that a huge chunk of this confidence stems from the fact that Eros hates the wig life. Which translates to the fact that I am confident enough to carry my didi because in the Nigerian wife lingo for "how is it your problem"= My husband is not complaining.

And because of how many extra minutes of sleep it gives me in the mornings- Neither am I.

Pss- Yesterday my client asked me if I was transitioning. I laughed and told her nah, I'm going on holiday in a week- I need my hair to be FRESSHHHH. meaning one week in literally.

Pss- Still undecided about what I should do to said hair. torn between crochet braids- because lying down around the pool for IG photos  swimming or a weave because my dress for the event is this thigh high slitted monostrap pink dress and I have been dreaming about that shayla hair flip for waaaaaay to long.

Either way- These IG followers gon get it!

On the future.

So while I have been praying for a bunch of stuff.
And they have been coming to fruition. ( I know color me excited!), I did not realise that I had been so fixated on the past.

On the things I didn't want, on the things I wanted to leave behind and on the things I needed to stop.

Focusing on these just further strengthened the already existing neural pathways they commanded in my head.

There were a lot of things I wanted to get into but I had been paralyzed by some sort of fear mostly that I lack lasting power to finish strong. ( This has been slowly dispelled from my mind- will go into it in a minute).

And so I never did anything asides what I had to do.

But I'm learning that these strong holds are false, and the learning is accidental.

For one, I do have lasting power to finish strong(This sounds sexual but it really isnt), I just need to have enough riding on the need to finish.
-Case in point, My sister's wedding planning.

Even me I am surprising myself daily.

Everyday I say I do not like people, but everyday I am finding that people like me a lot so.

2.I am pulling through daily. making lists and crossing them out. ( I guess that's really all one needs to hit completion).

But I thought I couldnt finish because at work, I would start strong and half way I would just be like- fuck this shit, and by the time I need to wrap up the engagement I'm just here like- I DO NOT NEED THIS SHIT.

But it turns out my person needs things wrapped up and tidy and all that jazz.

But I discovered this, not in trying to focus my energies on work but just steady building at completing my sisters wedding.

So now I know I can finish strong, I am here to talk about all the things I am looking forward to finally doing.

-1 using the candle I bought from miami 3 years ago in the guest bathroom at my new house (Yes I'm moving house)

-2 accumulating flier miles from my new job such that I can go to three new countries every year for a pittance! (yay)

-3 Finally seeing dubai

-4 Getting into the fights I have been avoiding because I know that there is help

-5 Fighting for what I want, getting it, and KEEPING it tightly. ( this is personal but I will talk about this later)

-6 Enjoying my new relationship with money because the lord provides all my needs according to his riches in glory.

-7 making a choice between long nails and completing learning how to play the piano. ( So help me God)

-8 Becoming an interior decorating genius. because again, new house and hopefully final Home.

I think I am a bit too open and I want to become a bit more guarded.- what do you think?

And yet another update and #becomingabetterhusband

Today listening to the radio and I just realised I might have figured out what my calling is.

What could this be you ask?

Welllllll

My latest calling is curbing the excesses of men before the decide they want to get married.

Because prevention is better than cure.

And due to the sex bias inherent in all people who better than a married woman to point out the very obvious but still somehow over looked flaws that many men have.

and guard so selfishly.

Mate- you are playing yourself.

But to get to this- would be the most important underlying factor that men (who are christains or even demon worshipers) have to deal with is this.

A marriage not working out is your fault. You are the head of the house. So you know how the ship sinks the captain takes the fall. The same is applicable to marriage, Guard your ship.

Fearlessly. Because we will judge you when it sinks.

My point is this, men have to become more responsible, with their money, with their time and with the lives and love of the women who want to become one with them.

This is the only way for peace to reign.

And you know how else my classes/articles will help you; BY not listening to men who tell you to hit your wives.

Stop listening to bad counsel.

You want to know how counsel is bad- Google the advice you get and add "what does the bible say regarding this".

I guarantee you, you will know.

And the googling is just for demo, because odds are you probably already KNOW it's shit advice.

Off course there would be those asking me why the men and not the women.

Urgh- Trust me all the women I know probably all know more than I do. Women are experiencing an information overload and nearing saturation when it comes to preparation for marriage advice.

Worst part of that advice is that it stems from damage control.

People who are happily married will probably tell you they pray and xyz, those who are in bad marriages always have the most to type out on face book. and yen yen yen.

Listen women, this post is not for you.

Men, come with your pen and paper, let me make you better husbands, lovers and generally all round human beings.

Remember, Happy wife, Happy Life.
Pss- I will post one thing on this every week. with the hashtag #becomingabetterhusband

or #BABH. bab-h? I like the sound of it.

pss- why are there no ghen ghen movies this summer?!!!!

Why composure is the master key

After prayer to God in heaven through Jesus his son obviously.

On Wednesday evening after work I saw tarzan the movie.

It was glorious. I quite liked all the action scenes and what not.

Anyway, when we finished, Eros wanted to grab some KFC because he was hungry but I wanted hans and rene and they closed at 9pm.

KFC girl took her sweet damn time even after I told her to please hurry because I wanted to pop into the next store for some agbalumo and zobo gelato.

meh- Home girl pressed rewind and was being super slow.


All the while this strange looking man kept staring at me. Like it was the weirdest thing.

Like he would look, then remove his face, then stare harder times 2.

I was like urgh abeg.

So I said ah Eros see this man he keeps looking at me.

Turns out it his uncle*.

So they hug and say hey and all that all the while I'm really upset because hans and rene has closed.

And he comes back to me saying come and meet my uncle and I'm like urgh. I want ice cream you are saying I should come and meet your uncle.

So I do a twirl and the uncle had gotten up so I smile the widest possible smile.

His uncle looks at me and says- did you ever consider being an actress?

we all just start laughing.

And he said you know I had been staring at you because you looked so much like *insert My mother in laws name here* and he was really wondering if she had any younger ones in lagos because you know. I look a lot like her. So imagine his shock when he finds that Eros is actually married to the spitting image of his mother.

*round of applause for Eros limited selection*

-Side bar, when people say this that I look so much like my MIL, I feel really bad for them because I am NOTHING, like her in temperament. The matriarch of Eros' family found this out the oddest way and went to tell my mother to teach me to be humble.

I think my mother went further to clear her doubt.

What i am saying in essence is this- My mother in law is the sweetest, probably most docile person I know. without airs and graces, just staying in her own lane, you know doing her thing easily. no dragging. no tearing of shirt type life style.

I also think people sense the difference and say a silent pray for Eros because it must be a hard transition coming from a home where everyone jumps at what daddy says to one where your wife is like oh, you said something?

We had a really nice conversation with his uncle, who was so pleased. to see Eros and was so happy he got married.

-Another side bar, his family members always seem so happy that he is married. It is really strange because you know how it is only as if women are the ones that should get married.

Anyways moral of the story is this. Ore needs to stop showing herself outside.
ps- he also seemed impressed that I had a job doing what I did. *and was probably doing the math in the head of the dynamics of how the marriage will work*

Everyone seems to be doing that these days. What does your husband do- Hmnnn. Maybe you should/ have you considered/ perhaps you should look into.

Me: Maybe you should mind your business? I do not know just maybe?

Pss: My sisters wedding is going along so splendidly. It is amazing really.
I love it.

Eros keeps scolding me, but last night he said- I do not think planners are even this concerned about the weddings of their clients.

I am on the phone day and night weekdays. market on Saturdays. and having my eyes constantly peeled out for vendor deals around the clock on Sundays.

And as in everything in life, you get what you bargain for.
So do not be unwilling to negotiate. okay?

  

*for the sake of my non Nigerian  readers, this loosely translates to father/mothers friend.

I should write more

Even when I am feeling excited about a lot of things.
I should put my thoughts in order and write out properly how I feel.

Now let me tell you how funny life is- I did a job for a manager last financial year and she gave me 2.

that is over 5 mind you. That means that I did not meet expectation on the job.

Which in reality mean I do not get promoted this financial year.

But after printing out the slander and taking it to my counselor, He was like LOL, It's beef she will change it to 3, do not worry.

She did change it.
But by doing that she put my name in the mouth of office rumor mill.

And there is nothing Ore hates more than a gossip narrative about herself that she did not 1- share and 2- can not control.

Anyway we move past it and we are all happy and jolly.

When- guess who asks me to come and work for her again. On the same assignment she gave me 2 for.

That is when I realised that many are mad but few are roaming.

You would have assumed that if I did such a poor job, she would give me a wide berth.

Turns out she was just mad I went on vacation without telling her.

Which is odd because she has asked me to come and work for her but my next vacation just got approved.

Can I get an Encore?

My partner is the court jester with this set up.

And guess who still hasn't told her she is going on vacation?

Because really when you do your worst.

People stop to fear you.

And it is really a shame when people that should have some semblance of respect for you. stop because you showed your hand to early.

In the words of Khaled- You played yourself.


Now onto my upcoming vacation, because we are all Christians and we all love to do the lords bidding- who is going to give cheerfully to my cause?

I will set up a go fund me- If you people assure me you will contribute.

Maybe I should run a half marathon to raise the money- Because this vacation must be taken.

I lowkey envy people who do not travel. or do not have to endure wanderlust.

Maybe if I do more photo posting on IG, I will always look back fondly at the trips?

All I know is that I need to find a way to travel every quarter. Because Nigeria finds a way to drain your energy.

Or maybe if I'm honest, I'm just dying of envy that Eros just got back from holiday with two full suitcases and I was forced to be excited to look at all the things that you can't wear and that do not concern you.

In his defence- we do not wear the same size.

Still but yet.

Ps- I have become obsessed with Pandora bracelets.

Which is really strange, because I honest do not like expensive things.

Currently trying to reconcile spending all that money on Iron Twine.

I'm here for the charms though.

Thinking of swaping my fridge magnet travel habit for pandora airport charms.

More expensive but that way- my wear my memories literally on my sleeves.

Literally.

ps- Who remembers when this was my favorite word?

pss- I am really leaning into this minimal lifestyle thing.- who knows why?

Top 5

My Top 5 poorest decisions this week (never mind that its just Monday) in no particular order.

- 1 Let someone thread my already non- existent eyebrows. ( In my defence I was ill)
-2 I took a malaria drug that I apparently react too, but I did not know ( again fully ignorant)
-3 waited a whole 24 hours before deciding that I might die and took myself to the hosptial
-4 Changing my hospital same day via Avon HMO ( you already know how poorly HMO covers work)
-5 Cutting raw pepper for indomie and going to pee.

Bonus:
this adverse reaction I am experiencing , is apparently something everyone that has two eyes and has had malaria in the last 3 years.

Ore did not know.

She just jejely took her drug. and started itching like there was no tomorrow. Everywhere.

I think I might have started developing buyers remorse for gifts.

Eros gifted me perfume, And I was like really *insert eyeroll here*  because I thought it was a cheap move to distract me from me calling him out on his debit card Ninja behavior.

Anyways I asked him how much he bought it, when he told me, I had to physically stop myself from saying- PLEASE GIVE ME THE MONEY.

But this new attitude is even when I say I want something, we go to said store, I buy said item.
I come home and regret buying it like- Help me please. Who is this person?

I'm finding that I do not really like material things anymore, and I blame that woman who wrote the book about sparking joy.

She said your house/space  is not untidy because you are messy. It is because you have too many things.

Obviously I gave a shit load away and decided to do a more buy only what you realllly need approach.

Turns out, there are few things, you reallly need and a vacation is one of them. I promise.

We should travel and see the world.
P.s - Young people are so amazing. My 17 year old cousin is staying with me for a bit and has just shown me how reckless young people are.
Also how expensive house guests are and
How in sync Eros and I are as people who live together.

He is also really shy which means he tends to lie a lot. Well he does that thing where I ask him if he is hungry and he says - no.

And I'm like okay sha come and eat because I'm guessing you should be hungry and He just literally jumps into the plate.

AND I'M LIKE BUT I JUST ASKED YOUUUU, if you were hungry? *confused*

Its exasperating.

but I have a new found respect for my momma.

She let people run AMOK, in her household for so long. Like sisters, cousins, nieces.
Everyone wants to come to Lagos and stay in her house.
She has truly earned the name Big Mummy.

Tired of Waiting

I got tired of waiting to read a love story I can relate to, I decided to do something about it.

Keep your eyes peeled.

Meanwhile I just realised how much overlapping the men in my life were doing.

Thinking of my great 3 5 loves and I can't talk about one without someone random popping up.

Unlike most men I know, a lot of the decisions I made regarding the relationships I had, were influenced by concurrent existing relationships with other men.

Think a Venn Diagram.

But Only my very first Love T, did not experience that juggle act with me.

But before people crawl out of the wood work. Let it be known that I have always been honest.

Always, was honest when the men overlapped, was honest when they had to stop over lapping, and was even most honest when they could not overlap for social reasons.

*ps- Rebound, I am so sorry you came ALL the way for my birthday and I could not see you. ( You get a slot in my great loves roll call.

I am really really excited about this but I am nervous as well. Like I mean if you read my blog you have probably figured out the loves by now.

BUT it is still an emotionally tasking thing to do. It is like looking for something in a bag of clothes you have kept away for so long and you just do not know what you will find.

And it is scary because- What if I find something I had planned to give out and decide to keep for myself?

Especially when I know I can not keep anything I have kept in the bag to give out.

Because Happily Married.

Because all you have is your word and when you say you are going to give out something. You keep your word and if it out.

Pss- I really am talking about clothes. and men.

Femi- Mosa

While we all know Ore is not team Yoruba boys.

I am in LOVE. Love. Love. Irrevocably, utterly, absolutely, categorically,completely, implicitly, undisuptedly,  wholeheartedly in LOVE with this song.

Anyways. here it is. My new love.

I would say I hope you like it.

But Honestly, I couldn't care less if you don't care for it.

Because it's my blog and if I say the song is popping. 

It's Popping.

*insert Joan the scammer hair flip here* 

Yet another update

If I said my life was anything but uneventful, I would be telling lies that would make the devil proud.

These last few days have been something else.

Now Eros turned 30 and we did NOTHING.

No rice, no cake no "minerals". I swear the Yoruba girl in me died a little.

But on the upside it was the extension of the three day middle of the week public holiday. You have to love Nigeria.

I mean. Best really.

I slept, went to the gym, washed my hair did wedding planning.

OMG my waking hours are occupied with wedding planning details.

But on the upside my sister won a wedding dress yesterday!

My Mother is like " You won a FREE dress?, Like you do not have to pay?"

She does not believe. "If it is truly free, you have to buy accessories from her!" she said.

And she wants us to mention the bridal house in the wedding program. To say she is excited is not a joke.

This means our budget is actually getting feasible.

Helping my sister plan this wedding is teaching me many things.

One of which- Is that people will negotiate with you. and they would be willing to enter your budget- If you are honest.

In other words- Non packaging helps.

I know it sounds counter intuitive but it has been working for me.

Also try to get prices before you throw the W word around. The W word is wedding.

people just like to add costs for no reason.

Anyways that is all for wedding talk.

I am looking for someone who has adobe illustrator. if you have and you know how to use it let me know.

I am doing Okay these days.

I am undecided between going to to America in two weeks.

For some reason I am reluctant to go- I have no idea why.

And we all know I love to travel.

My mum has been falling ill lately, which is very unlike her.

I asked her, she said its the money she is spending on the wedding making her sick.

And you know what- I totally understood it. Totally. ha!

  

Sunday evenings

I've been home all day drifting in and out of sleep, tweeting, watching the season finale of season 6 GOT ( even though I haven't watched  season 2,3,4 or 5). - Peer pressure or nah?

Anyways. I feel like I need to let you people know something.

Eros Loves to argue.

I am sat here. writing this post and watching him argue. with his younger brother.
Guess what they are arguing about?

Whose University has a better digital library.

I am serious.
This man should have been a lawyer.
The sheer joy and happiness he must derive from arguing must be bottled and sold.
He is so passionate about this particular argument.

I have rolled my eyes so many times. and occasionally they both turn to me and ask me a question to back up their arguments.

*insert eye roll here*

I am learning that you have to support your husband.even googling facts to support his argument. especially when you know the argument is stewwwwwpid.

I mean Eros just stated that Davido is number 2 in the Nigerian music market and he graduated from Babcock.

You guys I quipped in and mentioned he studied music. No one believed the fact ( including the Eros that I was supporting)- so I had to google the graduation article. and read it out loud.

*insert silence*

anyways I am now inside the argument. and my brother in law is sweating an arguing with me.
Eros just stepped back in.

Argument has ended.

With the classic words " You are mad, Get out"

Marriage is definitely interesting.

I need to get back to go working on the weekend.

Update

Along with becoming kinder and seeing the world, I wanted to become more generous this year,
with my time, my money, my skill set.

You know that sort of thing. and I might have asked God to show me ways to become more generous and then promptly forgotten because Life comes at you quick.

Anyways a beautiful opportunity arose for me to be generous with my time and specialised haggling skill set- I have to assist my sister in planning her wedding.

I know I know. It is the most time consuming thing. And my mother is not budging on that budget ( and I respect her)

But planning someone else's wedding for free is mentally tasking but I am grateful because I have only one sister and if I am willing to help friends all the time why can't I do the same for my sister.

With Money.
I find that I want to give more. Oppotunities arise and I do not want to give to them.
Example: Someone is in prison and everyone is rallying around to raise money for lawyers. Personally I think if you are guilty, you should stay in prison, and I know this person is guilty so I even steer away from the topic when the issue comes up.
But last week someone close to me said she needed some money for lawyers. It was such a small sum but I did not have it last week. So I fashied.
But this morning I asked God to give me opportunities to be generous as he is so generous with me.
Person called me to ask for the money.

And I was torn between giving cheerfully and just giving because an opportunity arose.
I was not cheerful about it. But I gave. I do not know if I feel better/happier but I will win this generousity battle by hook or crook.

I really want to live a minimalist life style so one of things I did was give a good number of my stuff away( Because I wasn't really wearing them anyways)

But there are somethings I hold on to, that I should stop holding on to.
Like my skin care ( I have battled with acne for so long that I cant just let go of beauty products) Ha!

Second opportunity came today to give and I also struggled with it. I am on a N1000 a day budget aka the minimum wage and in order to save cost on fuel Eros drops me off at work and I use public transport home.
It is actually pretty decent. Anyways, I found a keke customer that takes me from obalende to a 5 minute walk from my house , total cost home N200. by 5 days a week N1000.

and it's not hot because lagos has been breezy. Anyway I keke driver had an issue with a mirror ( he broke a passengers mirror) and I just dropped and left. I got home gisted Eros but drove to work the next day because I was really traumatized about the whole thing.

Anyway today back on my keke grind, I see my customer and his keke is empty. I ask him to charter the keke ( I wonder why, I'm usually okay with waiting) anyway so we head out minimal traffic and something in my mind just kept saying pay him N1000.

I had already negotiated to pay N550. ( which is a really good deal). Anyways I was like nope. Cant click I have to do and I think of all the things I have to do with money.
But then I remember I want opportunities to be generous , he drops me, and I give him the money and I walk home.

Slightly confused because I do not know if this is how it works. I really want to be generous and I think a good way to start is by giving especially when I do not feel like giving.

Eros says I am grossly dishonest about money. So I am trying to do better.
My mother says I am shrewd with money.
My sister says I always have money.

I tell them that the only reason I have money is because I do not buy everything I see on the way to where I am going?!!!!

No one believes me with all the stuff I own sha.

Second- I have had such good fortune negotiating with vendors for my sisters wedding.
Third- I think a lot of you are mad for spending so much money on none factors for a day that would come and go so quickly. LIKE!

Haba. when I see some vendors quotes, I'm like buh bye.  Real quick I called a band, and he said N1m.
that is one million Nigerian Naira's for music band.

I said bye.
The venue gan was not N1m. so what are we really saying?

On grievances and what nots

So I am really mad at my partner at work.

And the funny thing is that we are kind of close.

So he called me on monday and said AHN- Are we still fighting?

I do not want to keep grudges with you.

hahahahahahahaha.

I'm still quitting come June 30.

Meanwhile why do Older people think they know what is best for your life?

When I moved back- I wanted to change jobs; my mother, my uncle & all the concerned stake holders in my life- were against it.

And now they have finally seen the light. There is remorse and had we known stories.

Unfortunatley it's my life so.

No I'm not listening to them again.

People keep asking me if my job is hard. It actually isn't.

So why do you want to leave? I see my partners and I know this is NOT the life I want.
I'm serious.

One day I might just get up and shoot up the whole damn office. That is how over the place I am.

Second.

I just realized that I want to go to thailand for my birthday this year.

Which means that If I am going to thailand, I would not be able to go to both America in summer and lebanon.

And then Thailand.

Can I start a go fund me for my happiness?

Because I am genuinely happiest when I am somewhere new and what not.


I have managed to keep off the weight I Lost.

Like people see me and they are like OMG stop. Do not lose any more weight.

You are not the owner of me. Be gone.

Third.

I usually have my hair in faux locs for a quarter of  the year to let it grow out. Usually this is summer, or when I have zero movement plans or stuff like that.

However this year my movement is so unstable that I can't even get my locs in.

Why you ask? Well weaves and vacation photos really good together like Rice & stew.


I saw Now you see me  2 last night. And I Loved it. LOVED IT.

I could hardly remember what happened in part one, But that didnt stop me.

I had delightful company AND the side talk in portharcourt cinema is literally out of this world ( the world is lagos btw).

I am trying to drink only water ( again- this must be like 100th attempt- Shut up Femi)

Hopefully It works out alright. Maybe some lemon and pineapple?

ps- Best laxative in the world, A spoon on ACV in a glass of HOT WATER.

Everything I eat. literally it is like my disgestive system is on fastforward, The churn out rate is HIGH.

I have been saying I would do a review for my south african trip and how much it cost and how I was able to bandy people on my famous whatsapp group and make sure there were no slackers.

That sort of thing.

Maybe.

Update and Goals

June is usually the month of reflection for me so yah.

However I haven't written in a while because - I have been so uphappy. well not unhappy.

But grossly dissatisfied. with everything.

Except my darling Eros ( sometimes)

But for real,

I was in cape town for a week and it was so beautiful. *sigh*

further reminded me how much I want to be a travel agent/ make a career in something that brings me so much joy.

I am currently contemplating making a list of things I need to shed to be able to live this life.

Then making another one about convincing my husband HOW, this life would make so much sense if we just got up and moved. ( I mean we have no kids, plus we can always come back)

Anyways It's all in my head.

And another thing I want to do this year is self publish a book of short stories.

But I promise to properly write them with capitalizations in the appropriate places as well as  punctuations where they should be with minimal typos.

And I already know what I am going to name my book.

And I know what I am going to base it on ( this blog- DUH)

Will you guys buy tho?

That way I can make more money in Foreign exchange and be happily happy? So I make you cackle and you pay me for the jokes I crack.

Ps- I am going to open a small (very small) side hustle of travel sort out within budgets for my close friends and family.

with a flat rate that ranges between 30-50k.

I do not know if I mentioned it but Cape town was amazing ( snapchat has all the good stuff), instagram is getting throwbacks weekly, while twitter got some action ( Like when my para gliding pilot was trying to hit on me, but I was not too sure).

Anyways It was amazing- I was so sad to leave and also Imma need FRSC to put some respeck on my name because it takes a lot of courage to drive on the right side of the road when your country's roads are left hand roads and basically lawless driving.

Shout out to my hotel in Cape town- Pepper club, Hotel and spa. unfortunatley we were too busy to try out the spa, but maybe next time.

Travel tip: Let the hotel/ booking website or whatever payment method charge you in Naira. because globally the market rate is maybe N200 max, while the parallel rate is 360 to a dollar.

Ps; I swear by Agoda.
One three occassions, they have come through for me.

When I was in Italy and was moving to spain but didnt have a hotel booking.
When Eros was off to DXB, very last minute and he ( me really) had to make the hotel booking.
When Stanbic Refused to allow my first choice hotel charge my naira card, Agoda, was so kind to split the charge over two days.

:)

So I swear by them.

NOW.
Let me tell you guys about Stanbic IBTC.

Gt bank had been badly behaved, I got some money and the froze my account because of the amount. (EFCC tinz).

Anyway so I got the account unblocked BUT they hot listed my ATM card.

I just  went to open a stanbic account.

But Stanbic has been so wretched.

My card works when it wants. Sometimes my pin ( which is correct); doesn't work. Like I have to enter it repeatedly (4 times).

Other times they debit me but the transaction declines.

8 is the different number of incidents I had to deal with and send them DM's to try to resolve the issue.

Turns out it takes 45 working days for international disputes to be resolved on stanbic.

If you want my advice: Leave Nigerian cards alone when you are going overseas.

For real.

You guyssss!

My nails are done.

And I am at peace. :)

Ces't la vie

Today I started out my day with N2250 in my wallet.

My uber cost me N2200.

I was really relieved.

Although I am giving my Uber driver 3 stars- He was so forward ah.

I said I'm going somewhere, He said oh is it XYZ.

No oga just shut up. be be to.


Anyways came in to work checked my email only to find that my hotel booking I had been massaging & managing and looking forward to the luxriousness of the whole place-Cancelled.

Turns out Stanbic IBTC is just as useless and the rest of the Nigerian banks AND- I am so over the mess that is the fact that I need to call my bank WHEN; I want to use my card to make a foreign transaction.


Also Guess who has booked her tickets BUT has not done her hair or nails?
*raises hand*


Found another hotel now praying that stanbic IBTC gives themselves brain.

I was telling someone last week how I do not understand how and why I should now start entering bus again

Alas at N145/liter, the time has come for me to start wearing sandals and figuring out this Bus serenren.

today I will try from Obalende to Victoria island & see exactly how it works out.

Gratitude

5/6/16

I am grateful for having a job that gives me money to pay my tithe.

I am grateful for dinner conversations like that one I had last night that reminds me that is better to give than to receive.

I am grateful for this article- what is your favourite shit Sandwich that reminds me to pick my struggles wisely.

I am grateful for co-workers who notice my weight loss & can't believe it is because I pack lunch everyday & eat like a rabbit.

I am grateful for the two tailors I commissioned for wardrobe population for this my holiday. I will snap plenty photos and show off on Instagram. ( I will try)

I am grateful for the strength to prepare accounts that balance.

(Truly grateful).

But most of all I am thankful for my family. ( and Victory) ; but I will tell you more about that later.

My sister is running me mad and other cool stories

But what is new there?

Nothing

Her introduction is next week and my whatsapp messages are filled with images.

Do you like this dress?

this gele nko?

Also her husband did the right thing and told her to go & get her ring by her self.

You guys. It is so much work picking a ring. Like HELLO STRESS.

Now thankful that Eros just gave me the one he liked with not too much talking required.

I appreciate you boo.

Looking forward to my next holiday like RAHHHH!.

The comfort of Old friends

Last night I walked to my office car park to get a cab home AND I heard someone call my name.

Turned out to be my friend/ neighbor/ sisters ex boyfriend/ confirmation partner from way back.

So I'm excited you know. I tell him about my sisters upcoming nuptials. He feign's being upset. We laugh about it.

And he says what are you doing where are you going?

So I'm like I'm going to meet my sister at the mall and see a movie and he is like no don't get a cab, I'll drop you BUT drinks first?

I'm like hmnnnnn. Okay.

So we head out.

And I just realized how easy it is to speak to someone who has known you forever. Without guile. With no pretense like they know what you are going through and he is like are you okay? 

And I'm like nah. And he said you are still mad about XYZ? And I'm like livid. And I'm not even crying you know?

I'm just talking about why I'm upset. How the whole thing is playing out. And he gets it.  He really does.

And it's such a relief. Like no walking around on egg shells. We talk about probably solutions. We arrive at none.

But it's good to just talk you know?

He teases me non stop about all the weight I'm loosing. It's too much. You'll never be fat. 

He turns to his friends who went to drinks with us- I've known her over 15 years and she has never been fat.

She is crazy.

And in that solitary moment I'm thankful.

Like really grateful.

That I can go out and have drinks and grilled fish with this man that isn't trying to stick his penis in my vagina.

I am elated. 

My sister calls and I tell her, we are still here. I won't be coming because we just ordered Asun. ( it was bland) but the company more than made up for it.

In the car his princess calls. 

His face lights up! 

And he asks her- have you eaten?

Obviously I'm mute( because I'm not about to have him undergo the Spanish Inquisition of why there is a woman in his car)  but if I could I would have combusted from the emotion of being so cared for. 

And I wasn't even the one he asked if she had eaten.

#sidebar I currently have a love hate relationship with food Right now so it might not be the right question to ask me.

And as we sat and chatted and listened to music from my iPod.

It felt like everything was going to be okay. 

For the first time in a long time. 

He also said that it might not be such a bad idea to be flexible. Being rigid about the process is not all that.

There are so many ways to get what you want, he said. 

And I know right you you think it can't work, but I have never lied to you, and I won't start now, but you have done more  that enough to prove yourself.

And if I could have burst I would. this the healthiest amount of platonic love I had felt in ages.

Not Everytime freaky little flirt.

Sometimes honest heart to heart conversations with men who have known you forever and believe that you can do it. 

So C.

For last night. Thank you AND see you at the wedding! 😘

Ps- YC's omo Alhaji has me twerking all around like a stripper in KOD! I love it. 

Learning

That there is a difference between a rough patch & depression.

Somedays I wake up & I am throughly discouraged.

Like I can not even do the day.

I grossly dislike my job & I do not like how my life is panning out. ( sometimes).

But in as much as I know how to keep my mouth shut- I am learning that you really need to not be too excited and over gist your partner.

Let me tell you.

So I have staff I work with & so on, and on my last assignment. one of them said oh I have a huge crush & you /like you.

And that day the person mans the fresh meat stand & grand square, was so kind as to give me more than I paid for. :)


So I got home & was gisting away and mentioned it in passing.

Dearly beloved. To wear eyeliner to work now- I will get at least 2 side eyes because I am dressing up for my office boyfriend.

*insert eyeroll here*

That being said beach party this weekend.

READYYYYY!

I even had a new kaftan made.

I am giving out most of my clothes because- HONESTLY less is more.

and I hardly wear them anyway so.

Plus I have actually lost so much weight that the clothes & literally hanging off my body.

Co-workers keep asking what I'm doing.

PLease do you not see how I eat like a rabbit.

I currently have 2 lines on my abs.

Not trying to have rice to ruin it. :)

Meanwhile got my visaaaaaa! * squeal*

Off to South Africaaaaaa *spins*

LOL Am I a bad person for not buying aso-ebi for the lagos wedding BUT then travelling to cape town for the white wedding?

If your answer is yes. Keep it to yourself.

I want to cut down on my expenses & save more money so that I can take out time to look for another job.

Trying to go a daily analysis of how much I spend & I need a new budget.

For real.
No way I'm spending this much money.

Weepy ( but the good kind)

Relax.

As I said the good kind.

So this morning my house guest was like are you okay?

And I'm like SULKKKK- I do not want to go to work today. This current assignment is so hard.

Him- They work you so hard you should be used to it by now.

Me- This one is extra hard AH!.

LOL.

So yesterday on my commute to work ( current assignment is on the mainland), A boyz II men song came on and I started leaking tears.

And I am like OH SHIT.

*back story*

A friend of mine just finished off with a pregnancy scare and I might have participated in one of those "OMG did you cum inside me sex sessions/ I'm not sure/ take the pill/" and you might have guessed right. I did not take the pill.

So I turn off the radio as I descend into oworo, and say a quick prayer like God please.

Anyways my boobs had been heavy for a hot minute so I had been saying I'd go and get a strip.

(saying and never doing)

So when I got weepy. I was like oh LORD. Please let me not be pregnant.

NOT right now ( I mean later obv)

And I was just feeling like oh gosh. Then I got to work found prime parking & felt better.

Fastforward to this morning.

Woke up and got my period.

YOU GUYS!

I was like YASSSSSSSSSSSS *SPINS*


Because - vain I know but I have just lost enough weight for even Eros to acknowledge and we all know how much of a hater he is.

I must confess that I also came across a thread on twitter about people on birth control/pull out method/ condoms and they were ALL either pregnant or with babies.

You guys.

You do not know relief till you are pregnant in your head and your body is like trick not this month. you good.

I am so excited also because I'm finally at this 28 inch waist line and I'm getting this lace black waist snatching dress made.

You can not grow a baby inside you with a 28 inch waist line.

And oh lord. the thought of being a pregnant bride.

I just want to send a quick shalla to Baba God for picking my call & giving me the all clear this month.

If anyone is coming back from Houston please help me.

I have two lipsticks & a dress stuck there. I am at my wits end on how to get them.

who wants to help me?

Self Preservation

When I was about to get married, EVERYBODY. and I mean errbady and their one eyed dog gave me marital advice.

I was gracious enough to receive it smiling, but most of it was along the lines of " Cater to your husband, pander to his every whim etc etc" I actually asked someone if he had given Eros stern warning to look after me.

He laughed and said- Just do the one I'm telling you . But I digress.

My aunt called me and said that she wants to tell me something and that as I am getting married, It is something I need to remember.

I internally rolled eyes, because here was yet another wife of my family coming to tell me to pander to my husband.

What she told me has been an antithesis of everything Everyone told me. And I will share it with you.

She said when she got married, she had a job, and her husband was doing his own thing; Just like you and your husband she laughed.

She said she would wake up, do school runs, go to work, run back to school pick up her kid after school, settle him at home; then go back to work. And come home and cook and clean and fuck her husband.

And it was not like she minded, because what mother or wife does not want to drop of her kid, or cook for her husband but you cant and shouldnt buy into the myth of Super woman.

Me- Side eye.

She said she had asked her husband to relieve her on afternoon pick up and he said nah- shey she has been doing it, go and pick him abeg, I'm busy.

And so she was carrying her cross jejely in peace.

Till one day.

She said she was sent to Niger for work abruptly. She had to drop her kid off and go straight to Niger but assumed she would be back same day.

She was stuck in meetings so her husband could not reach her. She was stressing about how would her kid get home, what would he eat.

Eventually she spoke to her husband, he was LIVID, Like where are you, why didnt you pick up the phone, the school called and I had to go pick up our son.

Her- I'm still at work.

Him - Fumes *repeat till fade*

Plot Twist, she did return same day and was actually holed up in her sister in law ( my other aunt's house); who told her she was mad for that schedule she was running and she would soon break down and she should sit it out, the house would run without her presence. And this was her deliverance from Afternoon school run.

She went home the next day , and life continued as usual except she didn't do afternoon school runs again.

She told me, when you get married, you want to bend over backwards and please your husband and do almost everything to make his life a comfort.

And you will find that no one is looking out for you and you are burning out.

You need to incorporate some self preservation so you do not completely loose your essence because- married.


And I was like- (in my mind obv) see bad market.  This one wants to come and scatter marriage that hasn't even started.
I'm finding that as I go along, she was right.

She knew what she was saying.

And I am thankful that I got deliverance before even starting the Journey. Hence all the- but aren't you a married woman story. But that is neither here nor there.

The advice allows me to live a guilt free life that society tries to impose on young married women so that they sit on a moral high horse & remain generally unhappy.

My aunt died last week.

Under 40. with two kids under 10 and a husband who I know is how hopelessly lost.

They had been dating from Jamb lesson.

I cant quite call my uncle to tell him sorry, because, what do you say?
And how do you say it?

Death is such a horrible reminder that- Life is short. And comes fast at you. And I must live life to the fullest.

Rest in peace, Ewy.

You will be sorely missed & you will always be deeply loved.