Merry christmas

To you and yours.

God's light shine on us all this delicious holiday season.

Im hurriedly packed and ready for my road trip that leaves in 10 minutes to my village for the birthday party of laiveee.

My grand mother turned 80 this year and my mother and her siblings are leaving no stones unturned.

Either ways

This year has been so good.

will be back to do a proper instrospective post when I return!

OMG work is so much! :(

But still HAPPY HOLIDAYYYSSS!


MERRYY CHRISTMASSSS!

Old years and new years

This year there are a few things I plan to accomplish.

The first one is to buy a house- Yes I think I am ready to take that step.

Second is to travel more in Nigeria; because of work I am fortunate to travel around - Lagos Abuja Portharcourt mostly. But this year I want to go to Calabar.


Also below are a list of all the cities/countries I want to see
-Dubai- because I have never been
Venice- Because I have never been
Morrocco- Because I need to have a PROPER HAMMAM BATH.
Monaco- Because P-square said so in collabo
Vegas- Because Hangover movie
London- Because Family
Paris- Because Paris is always a good idea.

This year I also want to get a gynecologist. and visit him ( obv not a her) every quarter.

Along with getting a physical check every year- including blood work and all that

I want to show my body love and care -since working out consistently is obviously not happening.

I also NEED to change my job. Why because I am burning out and I am not enjoying my life as much as I want to.

I also want to wake up at 5:30 daily, sometimes I manage to hit 6:30 but 5:30 is good- because all successful women wake up that early.

Also I had no idea that the world existed before 7am, blame my mother for living in ikoyi and my employers for having an office in ikoyi- I never ever came to work early. I woke up at 7 ish everyday.

Anyway that is neither here nor there.

All of this is in addition to being a kind person.

Most random things men have told me and other cool stories

Men like me.

I know how obnoxious and minx like that statement sounds but Nigerian men actually really like me.

For instance at the last TPL- I'm walking to my seat and then major holleration.*

* holleration is a word made legit by MaryJ- But I digress.

So they are screaming and I start smiling then laughing but they wont stop.

It is amusing- really amusing; worst part is everyone else thinks it's super funny.

fast forward to me getting to my seat; I ask Tobyyy (hey boo) - what was up with that and why me.

he said I can not explain it but men know the women they would hola at.

5 different women passed and he correctly guessed the women that would endure holleration.

Honestly I am a bit ( only a little) of an attention whore so holleration from men who want to "conversate" do not stress me too much.

However- there are somethings that men have said to me/somewoman I know; that cause me to be *gasp* speechless.

Last night I went to the spa and I really really really liked it- I wonder why I stopped getting massages and more importantly stopped giving them.

On my way back to further my enjoyment I was at the round about then someone hit my friends car- Yes It was a small scratch but what the fudge tho?

So she came down and the man driving the car said " Baby please don't waste too much time"

As per - yes I hit you but look; we are all in a hurry do not waste anytime just keep your shouting for another day.


Nigerian men are amusing.

This post can never be complete without my obligatory gym story.

Nigerian men at the gym are so fucking creepy.

Anyways- So Mr A see's me at the gym and does the whole song and dance about how I am so skinny and asks what I am doing at the gym and all that Jazz.

Then goes to offer me N100,000 if I can meet my weight loss target.

I would not tell you how this ended but it did not end well.

Then there is the man I met who promised to get me pregnant to keep me in his life.

I finally decided to start taking sexual protection seriously and roll around with my own condoms.

The occasional man who attempts to downplay the significance of the work I do and the fact that I earn my own way ( most times asides xmas)

And so many damn men.

Off the top of my head- men are say a lot of things to me but these are the ones that I can recall.

Also I am going to my first micro dermabrasion session tomorrow!

I am equal parts excited and nervous.

My body is so weird when it comes to beauty treatments. And for a long time I did not realise this.

My first hammam bath had be bruised and scarring in the worst possible place.

After which I went on a solo holiday and returned with a case of pityriasis rosea

Then I got my first brazillian wax ( let us just say that strips are fucking savage and never again) - although everyone swears by them- please give me hot wax any day.

After all these various incidents- I just decided that look- this shakara life may be for me in my mind but my body is saying no viciously.

Still I am excited about the micro dermabrasion.

Finally I miss abuja.

I know I can not believe it but I do- for me abuja has morphed into boarding house- a second home with a different set a rules; all your friends and no damn parentals( plus all these yummy men and my hotel room) LOL jk.

But really.

I miss closing work at 6pm and getting to my hotel at 6:15 pm.

Traffic free life is not a myth lagosians. It exists in abuja.

Update

My life has been too full lately and for that I am oh- so thankful.

I have been lazing around ( working) and just generally being a baby girl.

Anyways I had a fraud on my Uk bank account= what is that thing about God giving grace to the humble and resisting the proud.

Dear Lord forgive my pettiness.

Anyways I went to the Hennssey Artistry concert over the weekend and OMG AMAZING!

I actually have some videos on my snap chat but I have no sound- My heart breaks for all the data I wasted sortingg that shit out

#slackerstatus

It was amazing. The concert opened with daddyShowkey then went on to baba fryo; then maverlous benji; then azadus; then styl plus then jazz man olofin  AND OLUMAINTAIN.

Olumaintain is such a baby boyyyyyyyyyy- he performed Yahoozee which is such a solid jam.



anyways Rugged man came ( meh)

Plantashun boys and wizkid were there too. can someone say nostalgia over load.

After which Eneni dragged us to sip ( I'm team Escape btw) so much space.

That sip is like hell fire.

So I decided NOT  to buy anything this month but all of a sudden; events are springing up everywhere but I am decided to attend only those I have outfits for.

I know I say I won't  buy anything everytime but I am proud to say as at 8th of December I am yet to buy one single item!

WHOOP!

Also saturday was Tola's grandma'a birthday; small chops on fleek! and cake OMG.

I had no idea cakes and creams made such decadent cakes. I assumed it was only that ugly 3 roses cake that they made- turns out they have some interesting stuff up their sleves.

Either ways it was a good weekend.

On sunday My whole being hurt: So I turned to food in the form of Johnny rockets for healing.

The food was shit.

So shit that the person I went with said and I quote  ( ps- the statements I'm about to disclose are super inappropriate so if you might be tempted to leave any stupid comments now would be the time to stop reading)

Anyways so here I am eating my chilli cheese fries ( which is SHIT by the way)

And he tastes it. and we look at each other

and start laughing at how rubbish it is.

And he said - This thing is so nasty I can not believe you are actually eating this shit.

If I ever hear you complain about my sperm again...

And I'm like pause; how did we get here?!

Anyways I sha like the men in my life - but y'all probably already knew that. They are yummy and good to me

This is obv a preamble to them fulfilling my christmas potential wish list

Because baby girl!

Also the women are not left out of the gifts!

Y'all can buy me  presents!

Last night was mad real

I mean for all the shitting I do on Abuja it is pretty decent when it decides to be.

A bit pricey but I mean it is not Lagos!

So last night after work I decided not to work but to leave my hotel room alone and flourish as an aspiring abuja baby girl.

So I decided my friends and I would see a movie.

When I got to the house ( they were at) we decided to go bowling.

And that was where the fun began!

We were the only ones there; AND OMG so much fun had not been had in AGES.

Fastforward to post bowling; we went to XO; some club in a building called cubana to do some karaoke.

I have found my go to song for karaoke.

Turn ya lights down low.

And I slayed the rap- if I do say so myself!

Ha!

Anyways So I got home to my hotel room- excited and flushed about all the singing and dancing we did; when I checked my email and OMG my security deposit people ruled in my favor.

BASICALLY.

my Agents were trying to charge me 273 GBP for a mattress replacement because when I moved out of the flat there was "small blood stain" on the mattress.

I do not know if this is true but I knew that 273 was too damn high to replace a double bed mattress.

So I spoke to my flat mate who totally threw me under the bus and is probably now regretting this!

Ha.

She said and I quote since it was my mattress; I should bear the cost of the replacement while she bears the cost of cleaning.

Cleaning came to 173. and mattress was 273.

So I told her I would fight the charges and she declined to join me in my struggle.

Which was fine by me.

Fastforward to me struggling to gain evidence; and then compile and collate and then submit my evidence alone while struggling with work- This girl REFUSED, like vehemently and this really strained our relationship.

Because she said she wanted her money and could not wait.

Anyway the deposit people came back to us yesterday.

Guess who they ruled in favour of-
ME.

 I then checked my black berry messenger to gloat talk to my flatmate about it and guess what

she had deleted me!

Ha ha ha.

So I did the mature thing and sent her an email!

Saying congratulations on her graduation and I am excited they ruled in my favor and she needs to remember that if they pay the money into her account it needs to be refunded to me ASAP.

because I am fucking petty like that.


She has not responded but I will give her five days after which a follow up email with my account details ( which she already has) would be sent.

As I said- I am fucking petty.


BUT OMG I AM STOKED!

everyone kept saying how I should free but as a warri girl- I could not carry last on the matter.

Dear Nigerians living abroad and paying security deposits- contest if you feel the charges are high- Oyibo people might be racists but they are reasonable and non biased.

The reasons that these people gave for ruling in my favor was so basic and I'm like if you people think like this- I WOULD HAVE CONTESTED THE WHOLE DAMN AMOUNT!

ha ha ha.

They said- a small blood stain amounts to wear and tear.

and if the mattress was in a good condition asides the stain then we have contributed a certain amount and the deposit is not insurance that grants new for old in the situation where damages occur.

I am particularly pleased because my agency and the agents were generally ass holes about my flat and the living arrangements.

And charged Nigerian girls ( who are basically the human versions of steam mops and vacum machines) 173 gbp for cleaning a flat proffessionally.

Also major side eye to my flat mate- my old flat; when I moved out; they paid me every single pound back!

HA HA HA.

You go fear bleach.

Anyways as the bible says- God resists the proud,

But is it the same bible that says cleanliness is next to Godliness - I dunno, I wont check but I am super pleased

Look; Naira has gone up and Im going to use my new cash windfall to do black friday shopping.

Kindly disagree in your back yard. Thanks!

12:40 am

And I am awake in my hotel room.

for some reason I did not shower all day
and now I might have to shower.

And I hate showering at mid night.

You know what I need?

I need a holiday.

Life is so weird, A solo holiday for all this scandalous and maybe one with friends.

I can not belive 2014 is almost over gosh.

And I also can not believe my driver's license has expired for almost two years now.

And I can not believe I did not go away for my birthday ( I am currently saving for a lavish solo holiday next year)

And I also can not believe  next year makes it 10 years since I left QC.

* join me to collective say OMGGGG*

I have been mentally putting together a 30  before 30 list; but I keep drawing blanks

So can I do a 15 before 30?


Meh I dunno; I probably will anyway.

I has been ages since I wrote in my actual journal and I miss it.

I travel around with one all the time to jot down the gems during the introspection I never get to do when I travel but I carry it around none the less.

I am getting really restless at work.

Bored really.

But i am thinking of staying for three more years so I can become a fellow of the institiute before 30.

Although; I might have died of boredom by then.

I also need to edit my linkedin page.

It is so dreadfully bare.

And while I am not one to compare myself; I see some people's page and I say to myself - baby girl you are slaccckinnggg and loosing this race one linkedin update at a time.

For one I am never properly dressed ( for work)- I am that person the flimsy blouse and semi formal skirt - and hence I have not a single photo of me in a suit or anything remotely professional for my linkedin page.

Two I need a new job;

Three I do not have the power or currently possess the job seeking skills I seek.


Also I do not know if I can write GMAT again.

or practice for it.

Not washing my face last night and then today is going to give me some very delicious pimples that would have me cursing the skin gods tomorrow.

And yet here I sit, refusing to wash my face.

that thing about being your own enemy has never been truer than now.
but you know what they say- YOLO.

Presents, Laughter and showing your workings.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record

I love men who make me laugh.

tonight I found out one of my friends is getting married - side bar every body and their non existent pet parrot is getting married.

So I'm teasing him and I ask him

" ah na so you no gree marry me again"

And his response floored me. I haven't laughed that hard in maybe three days.

He said " Yes now, when you no gree show workings"

I have laughed so much in recent times, it is border line obscene that I can be this happy/excited again.


Today my friend ( term used loosely here) came by my office to drop off my birthday present ( also a virtual cookie for anyone who knows what item off my wish list got crossed off)

And we just sat in the car and chatted for like an hour in that heat about everything.


And I really enjoyed that.

I quite liked the fact that there was no awkward ness and just plain open-ness.

For someone who is supposedly unkind- I find people are willing to open up to me a lot.

Anyways It was nice, It reminded me of boozey brunches which invariably led to reckless conversations.

While I do not say this enough since all I talk about are my wretched men/ small abuja boyfriends

I realise that I love and I am thankful for my female friends.

Really thankful.

So if you are a woman in my life, thank you.

You are a star girl and I fucking appreciate you.

Also we should have lunch sometime.

For -real; insist I am amazing company and I have the best gist about everyone else

Did I mention I want to quit gossiping this year along with being kind?

help! SOS

If there is one thing you must know about me

I am a border line hoarder that hates to lose things.

about 8 years ago; my aunt gifted me with this perfect watch

And I loved it; wore it and changed the batteries only once.

Last year I moved to dundee; and when I was moving out I forgot it on my dressing table.\

And that I would pop into Dundee sometime and pick it up.

My aunt thought the idea was ridiculous as my friends could just post it to me.

Long story short- they lost the watch.

So I go online to look for it EVERYWHERE.

And I can not find it.

Finally today I stumble upon an image and a short description of the watch from  1998.

AND THAT IS ALL I CAN FIND.

So if anyone has any information about this watch

it is the silver interlocking heart bracelet one one the extreme left in the image above.

Now I have checked every where; to no avail- 

I am willing to pay a small finder's fee to whoever can provide me solid leads 

As my aunt's heart would break if I have to confess to her that this watch is missing.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.

It's a YSL, simple quartx, silver stainless steel, heart face, interlocking heart braclet watch made to commemorate 40 years of the fashion house.

If anyone has any leads please PLEASE PLEASE you can email me I have my email address in my contact me thingy of my  blog. 

Thank you in advance!

You follow all the rules, you miss all the fun

And other cool stories.

I moved houses last week.

You would not believe how stressful it is to furnish a room you would not really be sleeping in.

I would appreciate recommendations for where I can find;

 A MATCHING BATHROOM SET

Which includes but is not limited to

A waste basket; soap dish; shower curtain; bath mat; tooth brush holder; tumbler; toilet brush holder;lotion dispenser and etc.

Themed bathrooms for the flipping win!

Asides this I am still receiving presents! You people on here and off here are too much!

Especially since my core friends do not think I deserve presents.

Leke _ side eye.

In the last year and the near future I am big on breaking rules to have as much fun as I deem necessary to survive.

The funny thing is how people think I am unserious with work.

Nothing can be farther from the truth. I take my job so seriously. you have no idea.

I work weekends; week days; till 2 am sometimes.

And I hate it- sometimes because you know- I need to flourish as a baby girl.

ButButBut in the grand scheme of things; I LOVE my job. and what I do.

I figure if I did not like it; I still would not be doing it.

It is challenging and I have a large amount of discipline  instilled in my person.

That being said I am off to Abuja for work.

I have accepted that I will shuttle between these two cities for a long time and now I have to start fasting and praying for Journey mercies.

because Nigerian airlines aint shit.

The only problem with my self is how the discipline from work is yet to translate to my personal life.

I bought someone a fragrance as a present and started using it because I am crazy like that.

I could do without it; but I did it anyway because I am crazy and I like new things and my ideal job would be to shop for a living.

But it isnt and the world is not ideal.

I have been happy lately- maybe from my presents and all the goodness the universe has been showing to me, but l am happy.

I also neeed new hangers for my new wardrobe ( physical not clothes) and a rug because the floor is so coold in the morning.


I miss my friends and how much we used to hang out when I lived in ikoyi,  between work and moving; it feels like there is a chasm and I am so damn busy that I need to be pinned down literally to be seen.

So damn stressful if you ask me.

You know what I just realised I liked?

back of neck kisses.

And I did not know this because I never used to put my hair up except when I worked out at the gym.

And I'm really tall and I never used to fux with tall niggs.

Anyways. I like kisses on the back of my neck.

This is not a PSA,  It is my increased self awareness showing itself.

* insert eyelashes here*

I need a personal trainer.

One that would come to my house and make me work out. till I become model skinny or death.

whichever comes first.

I need to do my nails; they are disgusting and I should have done them yesterday.

And I got nail polish for my birthday this year so I am pretty excited to try out the colors.

Also I need to take my locks out but If I am going out of town; I do not want to touch my hair because I love to wake up and go. aka braids and the locs.

The weave is for the lavishness of Lagos.

Abuja does not deserve me in a weave.

Only because I can sleep in till 7;15am and still get to work at 7;45 including showering.

and this is because my hair is out of it.

I am currently at this training and I am so damn bored I'm here rambling.

Children of God live a little.

Break the rules you have no idea why they exist and how they apply to you as a person.

I know I sound like a broken record saying this repeatedly because it changed my life so much and the odds are it would change your's too.

Final word of advice  " It is the items that we did not buy that haunt us"

if you like it, and can afford it buy it.

Then sell it on Olx if it doesn't make you happy anymore!

Ha ha. Hope you have a good week.

And finally a new year's resolution

I love how my Birthday is in Novemeber

which generally allows me to make resolutions and not feel like they are cramped into the actual new year ( jan 1)

as my official new year ( re passport) is Nov 3.

This year I want to be kind.

I am not kind. Kind is not a word anyone would use to describe me.

I am dependable; fiercely loyal and always full of solutions but I am not kind.

I do not think I am mean either but I am not at the base of my being a kind person.

For one I give cash and not birthday presents.

I know I know.

However; I am learning that kindness is like a muscle and unlike muscle memory ( sadly)

So the more I act like ( fake it till you make it haaaayyy) I am a kind person,

the kinder I become.

This is going to be such a struggle for me because I spent the last year indulging myself in all the possible baby girl-ness available and just doing me ( and it was fabulous and I loved it) but I want to be kind.

And I realise that this might involve me having to sacrifice a lot of things I have grown accustomed to [ like self service laundry for actual catch up laundry session with my friends and do my laundry myself:( ]

So half year I would mentally evaluate if I like being kind ( because I also realise that I seem to like certain ideas more than the actual act. like the idea of being kind seems so beautiful but I might not like it when I start being kind)

And I would know if it is an attribute I would love to develop long term.

So word for 26 is kind.

here is to kindness keeping me grounded.

On liking you and You liking me

Another thing that I discovered about myself in the last year is this.

I am Likeable.

I am delightfully likable.

Like if I wanted you to like me ( male or female) I would work so hard at it; it would literally be between me and God to stop you liking me; you would have no say in it.

But then I found that I had a shit load of people who liked me that I did not really like.

So now I had a problem; I had actively and expressly put myself in your life when I did not want you in mine.

And since I am so good at leaving things I had no idea on what to do with- I would literally just stop

trying to get you to like me ( but my then it is usually too late)

Later in the year in about the last quarter of the year

I consciously decided to only concern myself with people I already like.

which meant I was going to do a lot of courting for women I liked and wanted to be friends with and all that jazz.

I find that managing these people are easier because I like them and not because they like me.

So going forward; I am going to encourage all of us; when walking into a room, when meeting people to be self aware enough to recognize early enough if you like them and want them in your life or you just really want people to like you ( and it eventually gets boring).

My friends female which I have had from QC and uni always complain about how hard it is to make friends now that we are older ( and I call bullshit) because it is.

It is pretty much because we aren't actively befriending the people who we actually like.

Ha *raises glass to how self aware I have become*

Post Birthday euphoria

I actually understand when Good luck and David Mark and everyone else in politics comes out to say people are begging them to run for office.

That is the exact way I felt about my make shift birthday party.

I say make shift because I moved houses from Ikoyi to Lekki over the weekend ( sad face)

And I thought I was going back to Abuja for work on sunday.

So having a party would have been grossly irresponsible seeing as I hadn't done my laundry ( as I blog this; said laundry is still at the laundromart in lekki)

Anyways last minute; my mother insisted I have a party since its what I have always done in Ikoyi.

I have a small gathering of friends; jollof rice, small chops, music and alcohol.
This year was pretty much the same minus the jollof rice. But it was good and I am so so so thankful for the people in my life AND the presents they brought me.

I have written for the last week a three paged word document regarding all the introspection leading up to setting foot into my late twenties ( ah shivers)

I am probably the only person excited to be turning older  according to everybody.

Which I would be putting up on etc.ng so you guys should go and read it there.

This year, I want to be honest and kind and thoughtful.

And I realize how impossible it might be to the those three things concurrently but there is no harm in trying.

Finally _ of all the items on my list; It seems that no one wants to give me money for my holiday.

And I understand this. I mean I am trying to understand this; but I am struggling to understand it.

Do you people not want me to be happy?

HISSS.

In all this; this was my year of horrible indulgence.

I was truly a baby girl and I loved every minute of it.

The only thing I hated about being 25; was how unstable I was with working out.

I honestly need to fix up regarding my weight loss; develop a routine and sculpt my dream body.

Another disgusting habit I need to drop is giving out my number and never picking up when people call me.

I find that it is easier to give you my number, then never call you, than to tell you I have no intrest in you calling me.

see the struggle- Honest; kind and thoughtful? Damn Catch 22.

Anyway here is to a really chilled week so I can slowly wind down from all the celebration this weekend.

Because sometimes the books are not enough

This man has it all worked out.


Do not let him tell you stories. He does.

Best think piece.

Amal

By now you guys know how much I love weddings.

Imagine how its just today that I have actually taken the time to peruse the  almightly Amal (now) clooney.

I think she is so bad ass.

The end.

I really think women should wait till they are a bit older to get married.

Get all that hoe-ness out of your system

Or whatever it is one needs to do.

Amal is sofa-king gorge.

Look at her legs.

Also her sunglass game is 100. 

I dunno but seems Mr Clooney is the utltimate winner here.

Where did she meet him; and more importantly, how did he convince her to marry him.

Because Look this woman is so bad-ass; I know he begged for her hand.

I mean look at her legs.

Anyways I wish them both happiness and badassness. all around.

I really like Amal; I mean I do not know her, but it is always nice to see when someone not in the industry in anyway- some how swoops in and slays all y'all models and co.

Anyways; one last time for the road

Look at her legs you guys.

PERFECTION.

Finally. she is such a fashion killer. 

I do not think she has a stylist but even if she does- 100 points for no bad days.

And her features are so fiercely lebanese.

I love that. 

Clearly I am obsessed with her.

Anyway enough about Amal; IT IS SCORPIO SEASON! * sting sting sting*

While I do not take this horoscope shit serious- I love how scorpio's are allegedly so bad ass.

Moodly. deeply emotional, passion filled and the best sex you would ever have.

Basically everything I am not.

Still I love the scorpio PR.

Anyways back to work. xoxo

ps: One more shot of Amal for the road...

Look at perfection. *sigh* a white pant suit is the answer to all my problems right now.

Birthday wish list

Because what is a birthday without presents?

I will tell you- A BORE.

So without much ado-

1. Viktor and Rolf bon bon.
My friend Eneni has this scent and my GOD, it is divine.
100ml. Edp - obviously.

2. YSL mascara in shocking.
 I currently have the baby doll, and I am ready to take it to the next level.

3. Foreo lunar face wash

This is touted as the revolutionary and apparently the best face washer in the world.

meh- My skin is oily and sensitive so when you get to the store, make your you mention it.

4. BMS Indonesian massage session

I have been so stressed of late that- I need a full day pampering session just to unwind.

I like the BMS spa in Ikoyi; I have been there once; and the women were so good, I never fall asleep during sessions because I am always so scared that they would molest me ( Too much porn) However, when the women woke me up, I was not so mad.

5. White skinny jeans ( Inseam 36 waist 28/30)

Look I have searched high and low, tall girls get NO DAMN LOVE WHEN IT COMES TO PANTS AND MAXI's. Yes I am shouting. I honestly believe that white skinny jeans take you to the next level- ask khole kardashian.

Note that this photo is for illustrative purposes only.

6. Clinique Dark spot corrector.

Because lets face it. I am an Olympic gold medalist when it comes to picking at the pimples on my face. and HELLUR scars.

This serum actually works really well. 

7. Bang and Olufsen bluetooth speakers.

I am currently lusting for the beo play A8 in purple ( obviously); 

However since this is above my pay grade; I would manage the beats pill

8. Running shoes

Because I have let my body go. and my reverse cow girl is now shit since I stopped working out.

( I'm not playing here)

these look decent enough to make me want to wear them then work out- Hopefully.

Side bar- I need one of you fitness enthusiast to come and make my body his/ her ( his preferably) pet project. my body has so much potential I just like rice too much and late night dinners always have me like YASSSSSSSS. 

9. Tom Ford Tuscan Leather 

Three weeks ago, I ran into my friend and he smelt so damn good, and I know he used to wear Gucci pour homme, turns out he was wearing this fragrance.

fast forward to this weekend; I met my new almost Abuja boyfriend ( inside joke) and he smelt the exact same way. 

Suffice to say- I want to smell the same way- And I never want to smell like men I can not have but I am making an exception.

10. A sizable contribution to my next holiday.

My next holiday is going with the theme lavish with a budget. I have no idea how that would work but yeah that is in my plan. I plan to do a Lagos - London- Morocco- Canary Islands- Monaco- Paris- London- Lagos holiday.

Obviously by now y'all know I do nothing by halves. 

Do not worry I would take pledges and I wont call out defaulters. This isn't church you know?

Ps- crossed out items have been gifted.

Pss- If you want to buy them again, that is fine too.

Psss- I did not put up locations because we need to put in a little thought/ work into gift giving you know?

Pssss- If you do not really know where to get them from call me/ email me.

Parachute

I don't tell anyone about the way you hold my hand

I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favorite sound.


I love those lines.

Because ...

To whom it may concern

I'm real what you get is what you see.

THE END.

pss: This is not a sub. Subs are so 200 and late. 

update

That feeling when you do not know what the fuck you are feeling.

It is 3am and I woke up at 2:30 with p-square's collabo blaring outta my speakers

And I smiled; now I want to go to Monaco.

also I hate sleeping alone. or rather waking up alone.

So some weekends are pretty decent in Abuja.

This weekend was one of them; although freaking expensive, it was worth it plus my skin feels amazing.

Some nigga at the club brushed against my thighs and commented( the dress was short; we weren't love in this club a la usher)

Anyway my skin is amazing, and I had the most amazing time last night; I hung out with my friend B

and it was so nice. It was so Lagos girl meets her potential Abuja boyfriend.

Haha- No jokes.

I have never craved alcohol so badly.

Like right now; I'm thinking. Red moscato would be perfect.

I hate how much self awareness I have had to embrace since I quit alcohol.

I feel like all my repressed emotions and feelings know that I am alone and they come creeping so slowly and I have to put up with them.

I saw Gone girl on friday. I also read the book; it left me in some higi haga - esque state.

This post is everywhere.

but side bar- Collabo would be a decent song to get down to.

side bar to sex inducing play lists- I have the affinity to get songs that have a beat and a rhythm as a opposed to a bland slow song with people whispering obscenities( AZ's last night is exempt off course) that song is worth its length in gold bars


Ps: I hate how I think I am finally somewhere and something happens and I realize that not a damn thing has changed.

Pss: for the first time last night I decided against my better wishes to receive a compliment with thank you as opposed to my signature response " I know"

Compliment provider said : I know you know; I know you must get that a lot.
Me: sips water, I was just being polite
CP: but you aren't really polite.
Me: no not really

And in that moment I finally understand how people have one night stands.

I mean finally in my mind. Not physically.

I mean even me, is self aware to know that I do not have the capacity to engage in one night stands; must stem from being in a relationship for so long.

It just occured to me after listening to this song how- maybe collabo means sex.


PssS: My subconcious must have known that on some level.


All typos are mine. It s 3am and i'm in my hotel bed alone;surely  there would be typos.

Because I am happy

Recently actually since I returned from Greece I have been on some weird ass high I can not place.

But that is neither here nor there.

I have been happy.

You know that self hugging extra happy happy- That you worry about when it comes because you know it never lasts but it does.

And you are just happy and it doesn't go away.

And for the longest time I have been so scared to talk about this happiness because lets face it- I CAN  go on and on about something ( re-greece) But for real I was also afraid because - awon aye will come and send all these negative vibes my way.

And also I had kind of gotten comfortable being a grouchy. cynic.

_ side bar; my friend says I'm broken. I tell him all the better- wider cracks for love to go into.

Anyways I also found that when ever I tried to write about happiness; It was difficult to translate that into words ( meh)

So here are the reasons I have been unable to be happy on the internet
1- all that negative energy
2- Fear that it would go away
3-The comfort of being an unhappy writer.

Which have all really made me feel like a fake person.

Anyways I have been laughing a lot. Like really laughing.

Loudly.

It is odd because I am already loud and I have a cackle-esque type laugh think ursla meets cruella de-vile. ( Im for real)

Anyways I find that I have been laughing loudly, This random throaty laugh that ( sometimes) morphs into a coughing fit and has me in tears ( not wailing). The good type that messes with your bottom lash eye liner but somehow leaves your mascara untouched.

Last night I was on the phone with my friend B- who makes me laugh so much; and I was laughing so hard I almost fell of the bed.

I caught myself and started laughing at that.

_side bar: I love men who make me laugh my random throaty laugh.

I keep saying I would write about my Greek trip in detail with photos as a result of the need to immortalize that holiday and all it did for my physce (sp?)but my legendary laziness overwhelms that need.

So I can not put my happiness into words- But it literally radiates from my being.

It is so random. ( I am really not self aware so I had to have people point it out to me)

Also two of my friends ( well the groom is hardly my friend) but the bride is my roll dawg,- got married.

And I introduced them to each other.

Then again you people already know how much I adore weddings so let me just say I over adored this one. i LOVED THE WEDDING SO HARD I THOUGHT MY HEART WILL BURST.

And you guys know how hard I love ( see lover related posts circa 2012)

But I genuinely honestly Loved this wedding from the make up champagne session and Ms spears blaring out of my super blue tooth speakers to all the crying her daddy did when they asked her to go to her new family to all the shoki to my amazing make up ( shout out to my cousin who always lets me get my way when it comes to make up and my skin)

Also I just loved the energy. It was good.

My body hurt too badly for work the next day so I worked only one day last week.

I felt a little bad till my boss called me and ripped me a new ass hole.

But even that could not dampen my happy stance.

I came to abuja on Monday  and I woke up disoriented and confused on tuesday- which is strange because I really really really like my current hotel.

It is the cutest thing.

And it just gives off vibes of love nest ( HELLO MY ABUJA LOVERRRSSSS).


But just hello.

Sidebar- The Jollof rice at Jevnik is shit

Little miss busy bee

I have been so damn busy.

And I was praying and fasting that I would be too busy to go to abuja for my new clients- LOL JK.

I leave tomorrow am.

And I am somehow looking forward to it, even though I have not yet packed anything. he he.

Although I have mentally packed my stuff.


I have finally completed this account that I started preparing in august and I am relieved.

Sent in a final final final draft today at 11:30pm on a sunday.

I am not a hard worker; I have no idea what I am.

Anyways. I cut my nails and for the first time in a very long time I have mixed feelings about abuja.

But that is story for another day.

I hate how busy my life gets when I am working then all of a sudden my birthday comes around and I have not had time to settle down and collate a decent birthday wish list. meh.

Anyways I will do my best to churn one out to think that I turn 26 in 2 ish weeks,

You know the funny thing is that is someone asked me where I saw myself at 26 and I look  at my life now; It would most likely be here.

I think now is a decent time to draw up a thirty before 30 wish list. haha. Because with all this work I am doing; I am going to wake up one day and find myself at 30 with half of my desires ( when I eventaully figure out what they are/ might be) unchecked from my wish list.

However I was not too busy to go and see that Oct 1 movie ( I wonder why everyone keeps calling it Oct 1st?)

And I was kind of disappointed. Maybe it was the picture quality at silver bird cinema's in VI which is so damn run down now - I only go there with men I want no one to see me with ( lol jk)- but for real uncle benny Bruce WHAT IS UP???

sha I felt like it was just thereeeee. Like nothing super fancy and it was slow to pick up either ways A for effort; I applaud Nigerians who feel the need and go ahead to satisfy that need to tell our own version of events/ stories.

Makes me wonder when I am ready to be a social commentator would I still grossly compare life here with life in scotland.

I do not know if I have spoken about this but I think I want to go on another holiday.

Stop judging me.

It is my bday and I think a little R and R are in order.

I was thinking Morocco and canary Islands. But what is the point of going away if I do not pop into london to see what is going on there?

Anyway. That is that.

I might just rouse up a few people and go to cotonu for the weekend.

remember two years ago when I went and it was ace?

Also I went there for a friend's birthday so It might be a good idea although I kinda have no idea who to tell/ go with/ urgh.

My friend got married on thursday. Blog post for another damn day. but I must say that I was personally very vested in that relationship I mean; I hooked them up. well more like introduced them but still; I lay claims and thus would start an online dating service for people I know.


I wish  you all a fruitful week. I am just here like urgh- thinking of my pending abuja deadlines.

Love and light and perfect nude nails!

The holiday

OMG I had such a wonderful day out.

Let me keep this brief.

-  I got a new book

- Jade turned 25

- And she had a bbq

- Did some sale shopping

-Did some aso-ebi organizing

- Got some shopping FINALLY.

This is super brief.

But I had such a good day.

* twirls around*

But for some reason I can not attach books in my emails for my book readers. so annoying.

Happy. Unhappy then happy again.

So I have been having a mini crisis of sorts.

My flat mate from dundee had been super difficult regarding my security deposit and the sharing ratio
But thankfully we have come to an agreement.

so that made me a bit happy.

I managed to complete my first IFRS AFS from scratch today.

I am mighty pleased with myself I can not lie.

I dropped off the first draft with my manager today- she seemed surprised and lowkey impressed.

Me- I was like meh.- I'm bad ass like that.

I saw "no good deed" with a friend of mine ( male and Yoruba)

who has been friends with me for such a long time that I did consider him

a staple in my life- No friendzone-ing. Like my actual friend.

So imagine my shock when my friend came at me with that whole " I am attracted to you etc etc etc".

I somehow helped him pick out a ring for his fiancee.

I am so dissapointed in him. And you need to see how casual he is about the whole thing.

Any way in that moment I realised two things about myself.

One- I do not flourish in casual relationships.

Actually that is a lie from the pit of hell.

I do not flourish in casual relationships that I did not instigate. * rarrrrr*

LOL.

second thing- in spite of all my baby girl ness- I am a one man woman.

That doesn't mean anything.

I think I am so single track minded that two or more men just cause me stress.


Another thing that is currently making me happy is

surprise deliveries!

A super kind woman on instagram sent me a message requesting my phone number.

Two days later- I got a delivery at my office.

No I would not say what it is. But OMG my spirits are so lifted!

Y'all know how much I love presents now imagine just staying in your lane and present coming to meet you.

I am pleased. very pleased.
More pleased than a * insert pleased related metaphor*

You people need to emulate said lady. for my birthday in November. OMG my birthday is here already!

You people do not even know how excited this made me.
I do not even know how to thank said lady.

I might have to send her a blank thank you card.

Although I am always so wary of fostering friendships on the internet since I am really cat fish.

hehe.

Also my go to baker for asap cupcake orders found me on instagram.

She sent me a text saying how I was all kinds of hot.

You people are putting this girl under unneccesary duress to serve hotness daily.

Anyways how are you peopleeeeee?

Cranky

I have latch on repeat while I am sstruggling ( double S for emphasis) on attempting to complete my current client's AFS before I go to abuja next week.

I quite like how I am told a week before I leave so I can prepare my self and life for abuja.

Because it does take a toll on me emotionally.

I have been so cranky since last night.

two reasons- ASOEBI PRICES.

These costs just creep up on you.

Like hello- I have the color at home; don't be making me buy clothes any how.

Anyway that is neither here nor there since the fabric is for my Grandma's 80th as well as my uncle's wedding.

But that isn't the real reason I am so cranky and I have been snapping at all and sundry.

I actually can not disclose the real reason because you know- I just can't.

But I am grossly unhappy.

and no it is not a man matter.

I am finding it so hard to be happy for someone so close to me who really does deserve all the happiness in this world but I feel like the person is being used and taken on a ride.

But there is no way to convey my exact concerns without coming across like a hater.

Which is odd because I am already a hater.

Like I just want to be in my bed right now doing nothing.

But mulling over my current situation.

Like this is a cloud hanging over my head. And I am quite pissed.

Also I have no one to talk to about this.

Everytime I have a mini emotional crisis I just run away from everybody.

which is really shameful since you know- people come to me with all their crisis.

Meanwhile who else has noticed how much fear festers in concealment?

Current;y reading the book "fine boy" and it is such a good bok- I want a paper copy for my mother because I do not think she is currently at the stage of reading ebooks on her ipad.

Although to her credit she is quite proficient at using the ipad.

:)

The era of think peices

The need to tell everyone how YOU think they should live their lives is and has become

exhausting.

So stop writing your damn think pieces.

You know why-
Because
It
Is
Not
Your
LIFE.


While I occasionally sit on the highest horse of my moral ( although frequently questionable) standards and mock and sneer at my perceived poor choices of other people's lives; I do not understand where one gets off writing a 5000 word essay on it.

Like I get it; you can not understand why someone stay's with a man that hits her- which is fine because we aren't all knowing.

What I do not get is you trying to garner and curate an ongoing dissection of other people's life's choices especially when you are making no plans to open your mind and understand.

Linda Ikeji behavior if you ask me.

And lowkey I exempt her because it is her daily bread.

But you who is not in that relationship; is not related to any related parties; you do not even watch the damn sport- how does it really really really affect you?

And I find Nigerian women who are crying about it the most hypocritical- because Look half of the women in my mother's generation Chopped beating ( maybe not until they became unconscious) BUT you get my drift.

I understand you want to mull over it with your partner who doesn't hit you; And I understand you laugh about it with your girlfriends over dinner; what I really do not understand is where you found the time to write a 5000 word essay on someone you have never met based on your own experiences.

Project much?

Meh.

Stop asking women to fight for their marriages; or leave their cheating partners; or do this or do that.

Really stop.

Just let women who want to be- do just that be.

And if she dies; she dies because you know what- we are all going to die one day.

All the above being said- I honestly do not condone violence of any kind in relationships OF ANY KIND.

Especially but not limited to co-workers.

I am just sad that a woman has made her choice to fully be with someone regardless of his flaws and the whole world is coming at her like she is mentally deranged.

Enjoying my life

LOL one of my numerous Yoruba male friends - yes I happen to have a lot of Yoruba men in my life.

Anyway one of them recently titled me the chairperson baby girl association.

he said and I quote- you like to enjoy your life.

And I find it amusing because- who doesn't like enjoyment?

I would love to launch into a long spell of how we all get only one life and we must live it to the fullest cramming and stuffing every waking hour with things we truly love and delight in. BUT

Drake said it best here - YOLO.

You only live once. and if you do it right- once is enough.

For a long time I struggled with being who I wanted to be fitting all stereotypes as I went along and it drained me.

Now I am just taking my life- one day at a time; doing what I feel like- except when I have to wake up for work;( urgh).

But generally I would attend a party if I want; and then do my nails by my self if I feel like, or go by the saloon and have them done if I feel like a little pampering is neccesary.

I urge all of you and myself included to live and lead a BIG life. one filled with decisions that would fill us with stories to tell; rather than choices that leave us with a horrible trail of what ifs.

I am currently on vacation in Abuja. and it has been such an amazing week,

I danced my heart away with KSA last night and I realised that I might be a lot more yoruba than I would like to admit.

And all that money spraying-  BE STILL MY BEATING HEART.

The funniest thing is that my mother took all the money I was sprayed. None the less.

It has been an amazing week.

Also- I am finally over my obsession with these my small small boy friends in abuja.

While I would love to be sad and whatever. I'm just like meh- lagos here I come.

This post was inspired by my friend who pointed out to me how full my life is- re my sequence of instagram photos.

while I by no means have it all together; I am definitely making sure I am not just existing but living.

Also I have decided to stop waiting for 30* to morph into a fabulous- power ranger/voltron and start now.



Again as always- ALL TYPOS MINE.

* I have always believed one just becomes fabulous at 30.

Gratitude

I have been so wrapped up in my self that I have forgotten all the good amazing beautiful things that have happened to me.

I am here sitting at my desk in my hotel taking a break from work to count my blessings one by one

and they are so damn many.

I/m just putting this here as a reminder when I want to complain about how much I hate  what my life looks like.

That It was much worse and it got better and would get so much better.

Looking back and now facing front-  There is so much to be thankful for.

#mp Pass you by- Black magic.

Learning

I've learnt that to sustain any relationship- 

One would have to treat people like they are your children.

You would accommodate and love and treat them like a mother treats a child.

Knowing fully well that when they say - I hate you; they really don't and you would still make them dinner.

That is the manner of love I've found that sustains relationships.

The love that gives without keeping score.

Guess who doesn't have the capacity to give that kind of love?

I hate how you learn this shit a little too late.

Hope you have a lovely weekend,

I'm off to a mini vacay on Monday. Would be back on Friday. 

Sending love and light to all of y'all!

On Shopping and a mini business review

I like to buy things.

This is probably at the top of my list of why I have not yet quit my job.

So I can afford to keep myself happy.

Anway moving back I was worried that I would be unable to shop as much then this popped up.

Go on- click the link. It would open you to a world of endless shopping possibilities.

I have bought and I kid you not
a sirus sonic face washer;a bag; two mary portas dresses; mario badescu face and body washes, nail polishes; hand sanitizersss; shoes; random bits and bobs.

All of these in a span of three months - a testament to her efficiency and speedy delivery.

Now I need to point out that I am a budget shopper- which means I scout the web for the lowest price of whatever item I want to buy;; read numerous reviews and I struggle with indecision.

Seyi- ( the business owner) understands this- infact she is the perfect example of calm.

When I wanted to buy the face washer- I was undecided about the clarisonic- she sent me links to check, reviews I could read- she even made various suggestions.

She was such a star.

Or when I wanted to buy the bag- which my sister has stolen- from Just fab.

I had discount codes I wanted to utilize and she was so willing to accomodate my excesses.

I am definitely at ease with the orders when I place them.

And the off chance that I need her to deliver a present to someone In America for me.

She is ready to handle that as well.

This is such a shit review for the large scope of what she does.

So if you are furnishing your house; or you are changing your wardrobe; or you just want to buy something nice or it's your birthday and you want to buy " birthday dress". Hola at her.

Also- you should follow her on instagram  and on twitter 

She ships from the Uk and US and she charges 11% of the total cost of what you are buying- minus your shipping costs as her charge.

See how generous she is?

There is no ripping off here. Infact you are getting the best deal with her.

On her instagram she always has one sale or the other going on and is willing you give out passwords.

so if you are eyeing an item and it is too expensive- do not worry there are always sales around the corner.

And USX is always willing to help you out. :)

On the finality of Death

Death is so final.

It makes everything seem futile.

Like you are slaving away on earth for nothing.

Today was my cousin's burial.

I was at the grave side and we were called to rites.

From dust we came and to dust we return.

Nothing is more final than that.

I also learnt that there is no such thing as water proof mascara when you are having a nice break down.

His care taker came and cried. AND she cried. and cried and cried.

My aunt had to scream at her to stop crying and demonstrating.

As we finished the rites and they shut they grave.

It started to rain.

You may not believe it but family is everything- Just standing there watching them rally around my aunt and tease each other and crack jokes.

Even in the face of death; we still found things to laugh about.

and that is the beauty of life I guess- there is always something to laugh about.

As an aside- You internet users are creeepppyyyyyyyyyy/ stalkerrrrrrssss.

But in a good way.

One of my blog followers found me on google in under 10 minutes.- according to him; dont take my word for it.

And I was touched at the effort.

Personally I can not be bothered about the writers of the blog's I love so you can imagine how amusing I found it. I confess all the interest is flattering.

As much as it may seem like I want to be anon- It really just stems from Laziness.

I can be arsed to take photos or link my instagram here so I have no pictures.

But I am not catfish sha- you can take my word for it.

I currently tweet from  here. I am pretty random and obsessive. And I also have zero tolerance for iranu.

I block very easily- no threats just saying; so keep your opinion to your own twitter okay?

I have updated my profile to include an email address where I can be reached on- So if anyone wants to send me presents for " coming out" feel free to contact me.

As for my instagram- I am wary as to how most readers will receive me so no instagram account- but again; this needs repeating- I AM NO CATFISH.

Admist all the tears and laughter, I resolved to live my life to the fullest.

The utmost fullest life is what I think I deserve.

Which I why I am going on another vacation.

LOL- Hardly a vacay. But once I get approval from my managers and partners.

I am off to have the time of my life. With people I love and who love me in return.

Also in all the laughter with my family. I did not feel so alone.

On a different note

Last night I went to karaoke with my mainest day one office lovers.

We had such an amazing time- My friend Ori who is a singer but pretends to be an investment banks to idle about has the most amazing voice.

But she was not last nights star.

Actually Last night there were two stars.

This nice young man who decided to stare into my soul while doing a really good rendition of - Az's yet last night. I was like


Can You stop staring at me pleaseeeeeeeeeee. LOL

My friends found it so hilarous. I was like urgh.

the second and main star was someone called "Austine"- I remember his name because as he picked his song Muni and I were saying " Please do not do this"

But HE DID THE DAMN THING!

Home boy channeled Neyo and slayed " do you" by Neyo.

He also recorded the whole performance AND I strongly believe he plans to get an ex back.

If you are the woman he sends that recording to- Stay strong, I also do not think your current man stands a chance. So if " Austine" gets you back- I understand.

Finally the weekend is here. I plan to take my other cousins to see a movie and just generally spend time with them catch up on who is dating who; who has a new boyfriend - my younger cousins seem no have no issues switching partners. Almost too easy.

There are not enough side eye's in the world for me to give to them.

But I am looking forward to them and to my mini vacay.

Enjoy the weekend and make the most of it.

Last night

My grandma's eightieth birthday party is in december.

Being planners that we are my mother and I had already shared the asoebi and etc to everyone iin our direct nuclear family.

But last night was hard; we had to unpack my cousin's own clothes from that bag and put it aside.

Death is the saddest thing.

And what is worse is how the world just keeps spinning and everyone goes around like nothing is happening.

The burial is tomorrow- I saw my aunt today she seemed so subdued.

Would not talk and just kept wailing.

It was too sober. And I hated it so much.

But we move on. and take it one day at a time because there is no other way to take it.

mini High

My skirt keeps falling off my waist. I had to use a saftey pin to hold it.

Its so odd how sadness makes one skinny.

I am going away for a mini vacation soon. I am looking forward to it so much.

It is ridiculous.

Also My friends from dundee formed a bbm group and invited me.

That cheered me up a bit.

Finally I might be going to uganda in February next year.

All things being as God has laid out.

I hope you all have been having a great time?

Lows

Yesterday was good.

Great even. I pulled an all nighter on saturday so I could shut my boss up and it worked out alright.

She was mighty impressed and gave me new tasks. ( urgh)

After work I went to see Hercules, which was really good. Interesting even I liked the angle a lot.

So imagine how good a day I had.

while at the cinema, my aunt called me.

A little back ground on my aunt- we used to be very close. Like so close we took ICAN classes together and wrote those exams together - and let me tell you; that struggle binds you tighter than a three way woven chord.

So I went to school and we kind of drifted apart.

Kind of because I became busy and life just came and all that. We still saw each other at functions and all that but we were not as close anymore.

And that was okay.

When the doctor's strike started my aunt mentioned in passing that her nephew who was an orphan and she was his primary caretaker- even though he lived in benin with her mum ( his grand mother) was ill and she was going to bring him to lagos.

I asked her why. I said is he not going to get better care at UBTH?

That surely there would be some doctors around to help you. See I do not trust these lagos private hospitals.

She laughed and said- no jo, it is even better he comes to lagos- she has been thinking of moving him permanently here anyway.

So I said okay and that was that.

A few weeks ago, my other aunt called me to tell me they had discharged him and he was home recuperating but since my own immune system is not up to par I should not go just yet.

And she would tell me when the coast was clear- so to say.

So I did not go.

On saturday after the wedding on the way to my uncle's house- my mother and I discussed it in passing. We mentioned how it is such a horrible thing for a mother to die and leave a child helpless at the expense of relatives to look after.

I said it is the will of God.

And that was where it ended.

Yesterday night; after showering I was getting ready for bed, my sister told me so casually- that my cousin died.

I almost fainted.

People get sick all the time but they live. I have been in poor health since June; but look at me I'm here.

So I went to see my mum to ask her if my sister was lying.

Turns out he was rushed to a general hospital because the private one refused to take him back.

and he passed away yesterday morning.

I am so sad. So terribly sad.

My heart is so heavy.

And when I heard the news, I had no one to tell.

not to make this about me- but it had been a while that I had felt like I had no one to talk to about things that happened to me.

That I felt so alone.

I need to call my aunt and be there for her. But I do not know how to.

I have not called her. or spoken to her in ages.

I have not been there for her the way she has been there for me.

and what is worse, I do not think I remember how to be there for my aunt who has the lost the closest thing to a child that she has right now.

I am sad. I am so terribly sad.

Even my nail polish is not cheering me up.

And I keep going through the motions because whenever I stop to breathe I remember and become sad again.

:(

Death is such a terrible thing.

Random update

I never blog on the weekends because- lets face it.

My weekends are so much of a blast that to even stop to document is stress.

Anyway today I woke up wanting some tuface of the face to face album.

Planned a spa date. shave my legs, do my nails, then just go some work then have lunch with my girl who was in town from law school and basically just chill.

Ore proposes- Her Mother does as she likes.

So I stopped by the tailor. came home with my aunty and her babies, about to settle in for some weekly book download- as my firm blocked all the download sites * insert angry face here*- My mother showed up.

Not only did my mother show up, she asked me to get dressed and follow her to her friend's daughter's wedding.

Me- But I haven't done my hair/nails/ nothing.

She- we leave in 20 mins.

And we leftin 25 minutes.

In as much as I hate Yoruba boys, You have to give it to them, they know how to PARTAYYYYY.

This Igbo wedding was rather low key regarding the way lagos weddings are set up.

But I liked it.

Took a million and one selfies with my mother. Took a stunning photo of her.

- which I would tweet and instagram later on.

Then we did  a bit of random chilling.

It just occurred to me that 1- my mother is getting old and I must as much as possible spend time with her.

And 2- I need to get married, because everyone is dying to come and eat her daughter's wedding cake.

Also I might need to go to abuja for the week to support her- It is the ICAN conference [ of which I am a member/ and my mother happens to be the president of the society of women's accountant's of Nigeria; and I was not going to go- although I really wanted to] anyways I might have to pop in for the week but I would need a suitcase.

Bottom line was I had such a good time. I wonder why I never spend time more downtime with my mother.

So I can get to know you- Long random post ALERT

OMG.

I know this might sound like I am a little ungrateful wench but can the men stop coming at me now?!

OMG everywhere.

Every damn place. And I am like - BUT I do not even like you.

I do not want to get to know you, and I hate to be rude.[ Sometimes].

Anyway on the off chance that I actually do meet someone who I might feel I may possibly be interested in [ side bar this happens too]

I just die when they ask me about me.

I might need to make an actual blog post about me.

Likes, dislikes. appropriate jokes. inappropriate comments to make.

Things I love - shoppinggggg [ seeing as it's all I did today- lol]

Things I really really Love- HOLIDAYYYINGGGG [ which I can not get enough off since I am in paid employment]

How I am really the shit [ I discovered this when I wa strying to update my linkedin account- for real].

How I know I am the shit- Because my mummy told me so.

How men who worry I would emasculate them amuse me - only because I have waaaaay more age approprite things to do with my time.

How I need someone to  update my linkedin account for me.

How when my nails are on point [ most times by the way]- I feel my life is on point.

I pretty much feel like my life is on track so you better be trying to add value.

And how I love phone calls- but I am never 100% on the phone so do not take it personal- multi-taskers are us!

and How I am a cheapskate. [ In the grand scheme of things].

But because these are the basics and I can not over load you at one - not for fear that you would run away, because lets face it, you are lucky you are getting face time BUT it is just too much of me for you.

So if you are trying to get to know me- know this.

I am fun loving. and witty and 6 feet tall [ which is good because everyone loves a tall girl] but do not ask me if I model because I don't and I do not play any sport.

And I have a job- which I think I like- sometimes.

And I'm a bit unorthodox in my ways.

How could I forget- I DO NOT DRINK  alcohol.

yes even wine.

I am close to my mother.

My nails are really nice- I already know; so save your compliments on them.

I have a lot of plans. so to get along with me you need to be flexible.

I go with the flow alot- except when it comes to sex.

Which I would not elaborate on here because you know [ my mother might get bored one day - highly unlikely - and do a google search on me and etc etc].

I would offer to pay for food you eat. It is nothing; I am just aware of how everyone needs spare cash.

I live within my means ALOT.

I like presents- giving and receiving. I hate flowers, I'd rather you give me cash.

Finally I am pretty much a big deal.


So there like a way I can critically structure the above points to come across like I mean well, without sounding like a diva ( which I would admit to be sometimes) and just fast track all that getting to know you without wasting all your time.

Because with this august rush I am experiencing- It feels like all yall sperm quality is dropping and you'd think as a woman I would be the one in a hurry.

Anyway- I already froze some eggs so aint shit. LOL JK.

OMG do you guys know the most awkward thing?

when I lie that I would call a person[ which I do a lot], I make a show of collecting cards, numbers, home adresses, work numbers promise to text before I call  etc etc etc when I have ZERO plans/intentions to ever call.

Then I randomly run into the person I lied to that I would call.

And then I am forced to tell the truth because I am so over telling lies to people I can not be bothered about.

This happened to me two weeks ago and the next thing my tooth started hurting - side eye to yoruba boys and their which craft mothers.

Because I know one of yall put a hex on me.

* pout*

Regarding my extraction site ( in my mouth - thank you very much); I went into the dentist again to irrigate and suction out the site - more crying ( shamefully I admit) but I left there with stronger meds which I already over dose on.

And this extraction really freaked me out because I actually liked going to the dentist.

Like I have 4 fillings. one extraction prior to this, one root canal and 4 s and p's annually.

As I said- I love the dentist. ALOT.

Regarding the state of my teeth. Let us blame Yakubu. who I feel I have blogged about but I will check and tell yall the whole story.

Ok enough,

back to doing not a damn thing.

ps- I could not be bothered to proof read. All typo's are courtesy co-codamol which makes me hella woozy.

life's highs and lows

Highs.


Family friend came over and I saw the quality of life through his eyes. Only naturally he wants to move back.

Also- I hosted a mini dinner party. AND- if you are male and you want to go into politics, I swear I am your best bet for a wife. I would not only make your campaign posters look good, I will bring you votes from the elitists party and host you the most fabulous dinner parties.

[ expressly implied is the fact that I would stand by you and your cheating ass- provided you make me so much money]

None the less- My dinner party rocked.

It was a small intimate affair and a success.

I was able to meet all my deadlines at work; respond to all my queries from home office.


I found this shirt and skirt set from a Nigerian designer for N 4,250- I have practically found a unicorn.

Hopefully the clothes can stand the assault of my washer-man's hands

Lows.

Tooth extraction.

Tooth extraction had complications in the form of a dry socket.

Two visits to the dentist, an infinite amout of salt water rinses and almost N50,000 later, I am almost okay.

Still living in fear of a repeat complication and I am doing these salt rinses like my life depends on it- Because it actually does.

-semi High from this low, Minimal food intake- Guess who is losing weight?