That feeling when you do not know what the fuck you are feeling.

It is 3am and I woke up at 2:30 with p-square's collabo blaring outta my speakers

And I smiled; now I want to go to Monaco.

also I hate sleeping alone. or rather waking up alone.

So some weekends are pretty decent in Abuja.

This weekend was one of them; although freaking expensive, it was worth it plus my skin feels amazing.

Some nigga at the club brushed against my thighs and commented( the dress was short; we weren't love in this club a la usher)

Anyway my skin is amazing, and I had the most amazing time last night; I hung out with my friend B

and it was so nice. It was so Lagos girl meets her potential Abuja boyfriend.

Haha- No jokes.

I have never craved alcohol so badly.

Like right now; I'm thinking. Red moscato would be perfect.

I hate how much self awareness I have had to embrace since I quit alcohol.

I feel like all my repressed emotions and feelings know that I am alone and they come creeping so slowly and I have to put up with them.

I saw Gone girl on friday. I also read the book; it left me in some higi haga - esque state.

This post is everywhere.

but side bar- Collabo would be a decent song to get down to.

side bar to sex inducing play lists- I have the affinity to get songs that have a beat and a rhythm as a opposed to a bland slow song with people whispering obscenities( AZ's last night is exempt off course) that song is worth its length in gold bars

Ps: I hate how I think I am finally somewhere and something happens and I realize that not a damn thing has changed.

Pss: for the first time last night I decided against my better wishes to receive a compliment with thank you as opposed to my signature response " I know"

Compliment provider said : I know you know; I know you must get that a lot.
Me: sips water, I was just being polite
CP: but you aren't really polite.
Me: no not really

And in that moment I finally understand how people have one night stands.

I mean finally in my mind. Not physically.

I mean even me, is self aware to know that I do not have the capacity to engage in one night stands; must stem from being in a relationship for so long.

It just occured to me after listening to this song how- maybe collabo means sex.

PssS: My subconcious must have known that on some level.

All typos are mine. It s 3am and i'm in my hotel bed alone;surely  there would be typos.


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