Friday, December 12, 2014

Most random things men have told me and other cool stories

Men like me.

I know how obnoxious and minx like that statement sounds but Nigerian men actually really like me.

For instance at the last TPL- I'm walking to my seat and then major holleration.*

* holleration is a word made legit by MaryJ- But I digress.

So they are screaming and I start smiling then laughing but they wont stop.

It is amusing- really amusing; worst part is everyone else thinks it's super funny.

fast forward to me getting to my seat; I ask Tobyyy (hey boo) - what was up with that and why me.

he said I can not explain it but men know the women they would hola at.

5 different women passed and he correctly guessed the women that would endure holleration.

Honestly I am a bit ( only a little) of an attention whore so holleration from men who want to "conversate" do not stress me too much.

However- there are somethings that men have said to me/somewoman I know; that cause me to be *gasp* speechless.

Last night I went to the spa and I really really really liked it- I wonder why I stopped getting massages and more importantly stopped giving them.

On my way back to further my enjoyment I was at the round about then someone hit my friends car- Yes It was a small scratch but what the fudge tho?

So she came down and the man driving the car said " Baby please don't waste too much time"

As per - yes I hit you but look; we are all in a hurry do not waste anytime just keep your shouting for another day.

Nigerian men are amusing.

This post can never be complete without my obligatory gym story.

Nigerian men at the gym are so fucking creepy.

Anyways- So Mr A see's me at the gym and does the whole song and dance about how I am so skinny and asks what I am doing at the gym and all that Jazz.

Then goes to offer me N100,000 if I can meet my weight loss target.

I would not tell you how this ended but it did not end well.

Then there is the man I met who promised to get me pregnant to keep me in his life.

I finally decided to start taking sexual protection seriously and roll around with my own condoms.

The occasional man who attempts to downplay the significance of the work I do and the fact that I earn my own way ( most times asides xmas)

And so many damn men.

Off the top of my head- men are say a lot of things to me but these are the ones that I can recall.

Also I am going to my first micro dermabrasion session tomorrow!

I am equal parts excited and nervous.

My body is so weird when it comes to beauty treatments. And for a long time I did not realise this.

My first hammam bath had be bruised and scarring in the worst possible place.

After which I went on a solo holiday and returned with a case of pityriasis rosea

Then I got my first brazillian wax ( let us just say that strips are fucking savage and never again) - although everyone swears by them- please give me hot wax any day.

After all these various incidents- I just decided that look- this shakara life may be for me in my mind but my body is saying no viciously.

Still I am excited about the micro dermabrasion.

Finally I miss abuja.

I know I can not believe it but I do- for me abuja has morphed into boarding house- a second home with a different set a rules; all your friends and no damn parentals( plus all these yummy men and my hotel room) LOL jk.

But really.

I miss closing work at 6pm and getting to my hotel at 6:15 pm.

Traffic free life is not a myth lagosians. It exists in abuja.

1 comment:

mizchif said...

Abujs is life. Like i know people stay going on about how dull it is compared to lagos, but please, abuja anyday. I'm going next week. Gimme no traffic and 200 naira cabs.

See i've been going to the gym steadfastly nobody has offered me money. I want please. Show me the way.

Meanwhile BArazahi pissed me off yesterday and today. Might be needing to find a new wax place. I've never tried fancy stuff like hammam and micro dermabrasion.

And yes, carrying your own condoms is always a good idea, even though sometimes convincing #him to use it is another task.

Lets talk about sex baybee

So guys. I have been having the most delicious sex of my life. With the absolute worst person I can even ever imagine. Like if this is...