Snatches of Perfection

*Random Musing Alert*

I keep having random flash backs a la Nollywood of a weekend I spent at T's.

He has just moved to London for work for 6 months and I  graciously offered to help him settle in.

No details.

But It was perfect.

I have been having a lot of perfect days and nights lately.

And while most have been spontaneous, they have one thing in common.

I was intensely present.

In the moments.

I have no other moments to tag to these perfect moments except the moments themselves.


I tend to do a lot of things at once, so it is rare that I am so immersed in a moment that all I have are memories of that moment.

And the memories are so vivid.

It is almost perfect all over again.

Two weekends ago, I spent the most delightful Sunday with my baby girl and we were at the beach.

And it was perfect.

I think a lot of my present-ness has to do with the lack of Twitter in my life?

So I am not constantly reaching for my phone to tell and share the perfection with my half a thousand followers.

I would be the first to admit- I may be sating my SM yearning via Instagram stories,

But even that, can't seem to hamper how vivid the flash backs are.

They are perfect.

And even though I may be tempting fate right now.

I am happy and I am in love with the perfection that is my life.

Dear Universe.

Thank you.

Keep up the good work.

Fall for you

I have somewhat become obsessedddddddd with love songs.

Lets blame Ed Sheeran. ( Yes, Lets).

Anyway after a more detailed google search of my new fave " Leela James"

I, and the current number on my itunes play count for this song, have decided that this is now my new best absolute fave.

For now


Offcourse.

AND THE PIANOOOOOOO.

You guys I am serious about my piano lessons now.

Pleaseeee  if anyone knows any tutor, send them my way.

Pretty please with two cherries on. the. top.

Anyway video.

Feels like I'm loosing control.

I'll take another step

if you catch me when I fall for you.

Also how has baby girl NOT. YET. BLOWN?

Shame.

Say that

Because I always have spare time these days,
I keep running well, not running
but being able to visit more people than I should

Anyway
That is how yesterday I was with my other rapper friend T, (not to be mistaken with my favorite Yoruba boy T, who is actually moving home in 2 weeks)


Anyway so we are sat in my car and my iPod is on shuffle and keeps playing the sort of stuff I like and listen to and he looks at me and says


 Your soul is so old.
 huh?
The sort of music you listen to has me thinking you are 33-34.

*slight chuckle*

Find a video of one of the things I now currently enjoy.

Say That.

Got me thinkin' bout I do

To you I always would be true

and I know you feel it too.

Yall know I can't be bothered about comments but my girl Wendlyn who writes the most stunning stunning beautiful blog here left me the most delicious comment.

It is such high praise.

Thank you.

Honorable mention,

To the people who reach out to ask me if I am okay- despite how awkward the conversation might degenerate to- Thank you soooo much. For your concern. Hopefully it is from a good place.

And yes, I am Okay*.

Trying my best and finding that Enjoyment can really not kill you.

* Okay is relative. 

But I will be fine.

List 12: List your best qualities

Because I am unrepentant about how much I hype and gas myself, I decided to ask a few people who I spend time with and I would say are my friends and know the real me to a certain degree " what are my best qualities?"

No names because I do not have power to separate fight

Meh.

Names included.
Comments in italics are mine.

Sassy: Your ability to infiltrate any gathering and draw people to yourself effortlessly (as chairlady bad bishes and head honcho Pretty Gang) and your organizational skills

Bunny: You do everything with zeal and gusto (asides go to work obviously),
You are kind and generous,
You love hard and deep ( I doooo, I do not know if this is a quality sha) and
you are loyal.

Princess:  Err. Resilience. Qualities as in?

Sbaby: Resilience & Resourcefulness

CEO: Ha you have plenty ( but she somehow managed not to list any)
Update: Strong willed and  grounded

M: Keeping in touch ( which is really good to know since I am rather flaky)

Singer: You are very good at encouraging people

Local Rapper: Your happy vibes and your ability to ginger enjoyment ( Yes that would be me)

Creative: Having a laugh ( Oookay- whatever this means)

Hajiya Savage 1: Very resourceful, tenacious, kind and intelligent (wipes tear)

I also posted the question on snap chat

The graffiti artist : Your ability to think very fast

The married man: Enjoyment

MA: Speaking hard truths right from Jss1 ( I find it strange I have friends from over 15 years ago and I also love it- means I'm not THAT bad a person)

Happiness: Go-getter (some people would say I am predatory), resourceful, Smart,
 Brings people together (Perhaps the time has come to form a political party?),
Strong (meh )


Common denominators include

- Resilience
-Resourcefulness
-Kind?
-Enjoyment Ministress

I would like to add to this list even though NO ONE thought to mention it.

I am badass at money management no really I have a guy on the DL for everything.
and if I find that my guy can't do it. I find a guy of my guy.

Basically I'm a really good fixer for cheap too.

and I do not know if this is a good quality but people like me. A Lot.

Honesty Hour

I am overwhelmed with how much gratitude I have coursing through my body at this very moment

I am truly thankful for my life and how it is panning out.

Which is strange because

I hate when things do not go my way-BUT

2017 has shown me that there is a better plan

A master plan if you will

that has the good days and the bad days working towards 

fulfilling the plan.

So I got out of the driver's seat and I have been so overcome

by how easily it is all coming to me.

When I moved back home, my mother (bless her) told me that the things she struggled

the hardest for, job changes, relationships whatever never worked out because

there was always something better around the corner. 

She said

" It would be a good lesson to learn at this point in your life"

But I'm a go-getter with a one track mind.

You can't lead the person with the map girl-

get in formation.

I have spent the first quarter of 2017 getting in formation

and goodness me.

I am overwhelmed

And if you read my blog/ follow me on S/M

you'd know my life is pretty decent by all standards

So imagine it now.

Unto him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above

ALL that we think or ask or imagine or fantasize or daydream of

I am grateful for 

the big things- My Job, My Holiday, My Family, Lent

for the small things- how amazing yesterday was

for the things in between- Things that can not be written but Lord,

last night was amazing.

It is always the randomest things that set off the flame of hindsight and you are just out here connecting the dots like you are an astronomer and the tarantula nebula is in your path.

Be anxious for nothing

the person that holds the map and has charted the course of your life

see's the whole photo

is able to do immeasurably more than you can imagine.

And that should be enough confidence for you.

It's turning out to be enough for me.

Rude, Beauty & the Beast and Grace being unmerited favor.

So I'm sat with my new shiny creative and they say,

You are actually rude you know? But I really over look it because I know it is not malicious, you are just badly behaved.

*cackles* You are getting there, we would be really really good friends and you sound like all my friends.

They really enable your bad behavior

You are part of the "they" now.

Maybe.

Maybe.


I saw beauty and the beast yesterday asides the fact that- the person that was cast as Belle had a British accent (because to Hollywood Europe is one country)- the movie was perfect.

And if this is the line Disney wants to tow re: cartoon to live motion adaptations they need to do Aladdin next.


Also slight petition for GDC to steal the crepe guy from Silverbird? Please?

Ps: Asides praying where do you go for advice?

Pss: I keep getting really interesting requests to do things. It's scary that you people have so much faith in me.

Psss: I'm back to going late to work. It was only that one day I managed to come early last week- Big Fat Shame.

Pssss: My uncle is in town and lorrrrd I swear we have all the really difficult conversations I can't seem to have with anyone else, plus he constantly encourages me to take the high road and be a better person and he reminds me that grace is unmerited favor.

I think during lunch this week I'm going to tell him how satisfying the low road is,

I mean it's pretty crowded but there is so much fun to be had!

I love it.

Psssss; If  you are a male fitness enthusiast, message me abeg. Lets sculpt my body. I'm ready now.

Dear Universe

I mean its lent.

But yeah.

Everything.

Also want need to meet new people who do not marvel at how intelligent I am.

Ps: Does this mean people think I am a ditzy blonde?

Pss: I think I have love life down to a science

I had such a delightful weekend, I spent the whole Saturday with my mum and I ended up picking out and framing some art, I think I want to give out some art as presents.

I think I would start this week.

Sunday was reallllly perfect.

Teeto says my life looks like a vacation and I'm the ultimate baby boy.

I'm like hmnnn. you people do not even try to look behind the scenes. 

Also I swear I must have been very good because there is a new James Blunt album that doesn't come out till the 24th.

A cursory google search will tell you the name and other details so go and look it up.

My current fave song is " Don't give me those eyes". 

Last night my iPod randomly shuffled onto "you are beautiful" and I was like ahn ahn, won't we get any more music from him and today while suffering from weekend withdrawal and a random cold that I only seem to get when I come to work, I see he has a new album like YASSSSSSSSS.

List 11: All the ways you can rejuvenate your space

1  De-clutter
2 Give out clothes you haven't worn in 12 months
3 Give out clothes period
4 Stop buying clothes
5 Give our more things
6 Empty your bedside closet
7 Put everything on the side table INSIDE the drawers
8 Clear the actual dressing table
9 Drink more tea at night
10 Drink more tea
11 Put brandy in your tea.

Alternatively I can and probably should:

1 Invite Chioma over to your house more
2 Give her wine so she can help you

Perceptions, Inception and Deception

Sooooooo

I usually do not care but yesterday I was telling someone how I went to the maket and entered Keke and okada and he was like

*scratch pause* you did what?

Me: went to the market

Him: no not that the other stuff

Me: What other stuff?

Him: the one when you entered keke?

Me: The sun set is so pretty tonight.

I swear I'm fake bougie. If you can even say I am bougie.

I meannnn, I like the finer things (who doesn't?) but I have lived long enough to know that

obtaining the finer things take time, money and these are things I generally haven't lived long enough for and I can't afford.

I mean before I gave up twitter I already mentioned that I planned to buy myself my first Chanel purse to celebrate my 30th and my first child's birthday.

Asides the fact I have re-evaluated the child benchmark; the exchange rate adjusted for inflation with my salary means I have to shift it to 35.

I'm not beating myself up over it.

I agree that I enjoy to be pampered. I like to pamper the people in my life, today my friend said

" You probably make everyone's life easier"

And I think that because I'm one of those " To know me is to love me people", the perceptions that people have do not bother me too much.

But I feel like maybe because I do not wear struggle well, people assume that struggle doesn't exsist or was not a formative part of my life.

It's odd because I don't have those assumptions about me.

I can not even believe that someone will use the term "Spoilt" to describe me.


via GIPHY


Yesterday I decided to stop complaining about my new job.

And today I came in at 8:30. Resumption time is 8am and I usually do a 9:20 ish average arrival time.


Change is here.

List 10: Things I should Ignore

-The voice in my head suggesting, goading and just generally encouraging me to morph into a full Lagos boy and fuck this, my new shiny sparkly friendship with a creative that fascinates me to no end, all the way up.

Never Change

I do not think human beings ever change.

I mean I know God can change a person, but for the most part we remain the same.

Case in point, me.

I came across my JS3 year book and I read the introduction that I wrote about myself, and let me tell you guys, it is probably the same thing I would write about myself today.

Features my really bad hand writing with a bit of french and just be generally washing my self like there is no tomorrow.

Also- I had a crush on Aj from Back street boys so if anyone knows where he is or where to find him, please point me in that direction.

Finally in the introduction, I stated how my best friend would fill out the page opposite. 

If you guessed the page opposite was empty, You are correct, pass Go and collect $200.

Friendship is still slightly sketch for me.

I have a love hate soul mate with my current "best friends" bordering on acceptablity of how good and bad I am simultaneously. 

Alsooooo, I meet people now, 15 years later and what they say about me is the same thing my class mates/dorm girls/friends from when I was 13 wrote in that book.

You are nice, annoying, keep being cool. Some spirnkles of you are nasty peppered with I hope we remain friends.

Just seems so odd.

Although people who meet me now, add generous to that mix.

I think I have mastered the art of giving because, I came across this and just realized that really the bible is ready for all of us.

 For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?

1 Cor 4:7

I mean, I have a wide range of abilities and I am able to make people's lives better, for a long time I may have felt like I was the shit but look at the bible, like baby girl, you ain't shit. You didn't do it on your own. You received the gift from God quit playin'. And quit frontin' like you figured it out all on your own.

How apt is this bible verse.

Very apt.

Quick shout out to my girl who helped me fix my room. I appreciate it so so much.

I mean I could have done it but abeg.

Maybe the people who say I am a diva know what they are speaking about.

In a bid to stop crying so much,

I wore eyeliner today.

It hurts/stings so much when you get teary eyed end it enters your eyes.

Still constantly listening to the Divide Album. It is so perfect.

Side bar: you guys need to go and listen to it and tell me your favorite songs.

Mine are currently: Castle on the hill, Dive, Perfect, Hearts do not break around here, Supermarket flowers and Save myself.

I know I know.

But Perfect is literally the most perfect song.

So I opened a new Instagram account and guess what? it has the multiple thingy/ Did someone report me to instagram?

My friends and I try to have dinner once a month but today if we get around to going it would mean that I would have to sit and wait for roughly 40 mins waiting for my party.

Not a problem.

Except for some reason now, there is a neon beam on my fore head. I can literally not go anywhere.

Toasters. Oh Lord.

Are you okay-ers.

Can I join you-ers. ( Always no)
May I join you-ers ( Maybe)

Why is a pretty girl like you sitting alone.

TIRED.  And I'm not even team yellow bone.

Dear Instagram, International Women's Day and other stories

This shit has to stop.
For real.

I still cant post multiples on Instagram after,

Updating
Deleting said app
Re downloading said app
Deleting it from I tunes
Signing into my friends phone
Nothing works.
Listen Instagram, Facebook Mark Zukerberg:
 I. Want. To. Pepper. Them.
At my wits end help.

International women's day quote remains the same from last year

God made man, then he had a better idea.

Other stories

I'm having lots and lots and lots of conversations about myself with the people who know me and I realize how badly behaved I am.

And even worse, how little it bothers me.

How someone be so badly behaved and casually unbothered at the same time?

So unbothered it hurts me on some plain, but in real life I do not care, and I know this is true because I am so one track mind if I wanted to change something I'd put my back into it.

Someone asked me if I was a last child today, I said yes- I come from a long line of last children.

#PatentedPampering

She was slightly confused.

Are middle children not supposed to be happy happy happy?

I am wearing the most delicious dress to work today and to be honest if I do not get a query about it then I might just be home Re: work place structure.

Said dress is so inappropriate.

Co-worker said I'm mysterious. too many layers to me.

I said we are the sum of our experiences and I am very very very experienced. *insert raised eye brow here*

Someone else said he thinks girls like me are dangerous.

#Triggered because, I am nothing if not kind and gentle and all antonyms of dangerous.

Okay maybe slightly.

I'm finding myself in lots of difficult conversations about women, and I am thankful everyday that my life is pretty good example of myth debunking.

My Kamokini swimsuit makes me a swan.

Ps: Still constantly listening to the Divide Album.
And my heart. please.

Pss: Perfect is actually supposed to be my first dance song. A girl can dream, because all your dreams are valid.

Divide

I was not going to blog today but anyway since I'm here:

Currently listening to the Ed sheeran album "Divide" and I am thanking him on behalf of all the 2017 Nigerian brides for giving us newly minted first dance songs and retiring "Thinking out loud"


Totally adore the whole album- ADORE!

Potential faves: Perfect**. Dive. Save myself.

I do not even like Ed Sheeran because not my spec but I need someone to introduce him to me so I can tell him something.

And reminisce needs to leave because he has been over thrown.

Ed sheeran has my heart.

*Insert heart beating emoji*


** I took a crying break for this song. and i's going to be on repeat on my ipod today so If you see me in traffic bawling my eyes out. It's Ed's fault.

Hashtag blessed

I had the most delicious weekend.

It was a most deserved weekend away that I had encountered in a long time.

And I want to talk about all of it but as usual, I am a bit wary of how much I should be saying and in these last few days, months really I have been struggling with if I am over sharing, controlling narratives about me and just generally if there is TMI swirling around the vortex that is Lagos gist sewer about me

And I never worried about this ever.

Anyway, if you are on my snap, you know what I got up to.

I have no idea if I mentioned that I along with the usual suspects for lent I gave up Twitter.

If you follow me on Twitter, you would know that this is the real dying to flesh.

I had to, because I was constantly on there round the clock and even though I fostered enough amazing relationships on there, I needed to wean myself off.

Along with twitter I need to leave pettiness behind.

I'm struggling with this one, forgiveness is unusually difficult for me, usually you'd just be dead to me but now, I want to talk through the whole thing.
 I am trying to mend relationships/build new relationships.

I think i'm failing at this.
I give up too quickly.
My friend says things come too easily to me, and I get flustered when things do not.

I know a few people think this,  it is not true.

Categorically  untrue.

I saw a play on Saturday with my girl M and OMG it was soooo good.
She looked at me and said- You are shrinking. Are you okay?
Me: I should be an actress *shrug*

I need to actually learn how to swim.
because I'm ready to lock my hair and get my body right

Lately since the last thing I do before I sleep is pray and not tweet, I wake up with a song in my head .

Today's song  was a bit strange because I do not think I had heard it before, but the words were in my head. So a quick google search and boom:

*cue water works*

Death could not hold you down,

You are the risen King

and today You are seated in Majesty

You are the risen King.

I am thinking of going to Benin Republic for a weekend but in the usual manner of these things my plug connect has no trust in me.

Why did my nail guy vanish from the face of the earth and now I have got a regular mani and because of what I got up to over the weekend, I have chipped nails. FFS its Monday.

Who starts the week with slightly chipped nails.

Slight update: T is moving back to Lagos.

He had spoken about this thing for so so long that I can't actually believe he is coming home.

WHO WILL BUY ME DSW SHOES??!!!

I told him last night when I spoke to him that how will he deal with darkness. He said and I quote " I am willing to spend as much as I need to ensure there would be no darkness in my life" 

Me: yeah cool, lets revisit this in 6 months.

Both of us: Burst into laughter.

And to think he is coming a month earlier than we spoke about.

Anyway more Yoruba boys to fill my days and nights in Lagos.

I want to give more.

I'm worried I'm not giving enough.

Please if you feel it in your spirit that there is something I can help out with, it doesn't have to be to your benefit.

There are always people in need and I feel like I do not do enough and it eats at me.

Still giving away clothes because, no one needs this many clothes.

I just realized I have maybe 20 black dresses.

I plan to start wearing color.

Speaking of color, stumbled across the new beauty & the beast video with John L & Ariana  and OMG stunning.

Beauty & the Beast is one of my fave Disney cartoons so I really hope the IMAX shows it in 3d when it comes out, I mean IMAX isnt even showing LOGAN 3D?

anyways videoooo:

Barely even friends

then somebody bends- unexpectedly

Just a little change

small to say the least

both a little scared

neither one prepared

beauty & the beast.

Show me a more iconic love story? I'll wait.

I mean Belle is literally every Nigerian man's dream
Be a stunner and settle in to marry a man that was rude to a witch and got turned into a beast and is so damn rude to all his house staff.

Listen she is the one.

None the less. Can. not. wait. Ah!

List 9: The things you treasure the most

I have about 3-4 journals that I wrote in diligently for almost 5 years. I read them now and laugh so much as how sitting on a boy's laps  and sipping from his bottle (totally unsanitary btw) at the club was something concrete to the effect of how serious our relationship was.

My journals are precious to me. I actually let a few people read them. makes them see me in a different light.

- My family.

-My ipod and ipad and maybe my speakers
I love my music and I love my books

My friends offcourse

But this list is difficult to collate primarily because I get tired of things easily.

Like I was so excited about owning a lava lamp and now it sits gathering dust at my bed side

But it aids sleep

Asides the relationships I have. I'm building and cultivating I do not think I have a lot of physical things I treasure.

I treasure long luxurious baths.

and friends who accept my flakiness.

What are you giving up for lent?

Oh you know, the usual- food, alcohol

Sex?

*laughter*

You can't quite give up what you do not have

*more laughter*

So what are you giving up for lent?

It's personal.

I respect that.

I'm trying to stop telling lies

and I'm trying to stop shopping

Why do people think I do not  do anything serious? A mutual friend of mine said she thought I worked for the government!

LOL.

I'm trying to go and get a pedicure and its just 11:51am. So maybe I can see why people would think I worked for the government.

Also my friends say i'm such a huge flirt.

This is crazy because I might be a slight misanthrope. 

I enjoy living in the moment, but when I get out of the moment, it has passed I'm not likely to call you or follow up or anything

And sometimes I realize I do not even like the people much.

I do not even know for me again.

Remember how maybe 3 posts ago I was missing my bath tub

I'll tell you on monday how I got to spend the weekend. most of it in this uber luxe lush establishment  and I just sat in the tub with my kindle reading and my favorite candle from miami 4 years ago.

 

No one should ask me why I have a candle from Miami from 4 years ago!

Also I'm trying to give more and use the things I keep for myself.

Ash really reminds you how you can't get out of life alive and you can't take anything with you anyway so.

Ash Wednesday and old friends catch up

So after work yesterday I went to church to get some ash on my head and be reminded that
all of this is vanity
I can not take anything away
from dust I came
and from dust I will return

Always such a sober reflection.

Fastforward to after service and being slightly irritated with church members who block the drive way entrance because they came late BUT SOMEHOW DECIDE TO SOCIALIZE AND BLOCK EVERYONE ELSE. Very Unfair! Sad!

Anyway

I popped in to see one of my old friends, we caught up about how I am, how I have been, how he has been.
And it was just easy to talk to someone who I had known for ages and just basically have a no air conversation.

Anyway today he sends me a message just a general thanks for coming, it was good to see you, do not be a stranger type message. I reply with one giant heart beating emoticon. ( Love that function on whatsapp)

His response:

"Like I said, don't ever for one second, look back and think u dulled it some where or u made the wrong moves, or you didn't put in enough effort...... bullshit Bants. That was not ur road to walk..."

It warmed my heart.
That was not your road to walk.

One of the things I asked for this year/lent from God was clarity.

And maybe it is time I start to listen.

Because I'm super extra

And I like to keep  breadcrumbs of my awesomeness of the interwebs

And because I can't send my real life people back here

And because lent is my favorite season...


I created a new blog for my 40 notes in 40 days lent activity.

Lenten Letters

It is a new wix blog and I am so excited about it.

Hopefully I finish strong, and hopefully one of you reading this gets a delightful little note from me.

But if you do not, feel free to use the contact page on THAT blog to send me a note

or even better a delivery note for my favorite case of moscato  a link to your own 40 notes.