Chasing Cars and Conversations

Lets waste time chasing cars around our hearts.

Its 12:30am.

And I am online shopping and having random flash backs to a  conversation I happened ( shamefully) to be involved in.

- side bar I find myself blogging more and more about the conversations I have- obviously without the permission of those involved; because YOLO. and mostly because most of those people do not read my blog.

Any way tonight my cousin- who I absolutely adore and writes this beautiful blog here came to see me, and we went to visit my other friend.

While we were there the inevitable topic of men came up * insert eye roll here*

and My friend attempted to throw me under the bus because I graciously agreed ( despite my better judgement) to hook her up to my friend. lets call him J.

And she said and I quote. J does not have swag.

Actually, she implied that.

She said and I quote " You know white rice?, naked bland? exactly. no carrots, no green pepper, no sweet corn, just plain rice"

And our other friend asked her- Why can you not cut the carrots and garnish your rice.

she- It is not her destiny to come and garnish rice for someone else to eat.

I need to put J in context.

J is well educated. has a good job, drives a nice car, and is tall dark and handsome by every M & B standard in the whole wide world. J has not dated any of her friends.

Essentially  J is one of the good guys.

 But unfortunately J is bland. like naked white rice.

And for that J gets no marks- Its a cold world out there.


People say a lot of hurtful things to me, but nothing hurts me more than when a client tell's me

" You are too pretty to do this job"

It kills me.

Even more than the men toasting me. I had to sit in a one on one meeting with my client today.

Kiss his ass. have him kiss mine. threaten to  escalate to my partner. Then go through a 200 line TB item after item.

How dare anyone say I am too pretty to do my job?

A close second is when people tell me how I break everyone in my life.- And its Just them that fell off.

I get that waaaaaay  more than I should.

I feel like people should pay more attention to me when I tell them I am a particular way and I would act a certain way in certain situations.

Instead they envision something else and I am always the bad person.

And hearing that shit repeatedly gets to me.

I find myself chanting how I am good person every time to remind myself that I am infact, only unable to manage expectations.

And that is not a skill set taught in Covenant University.

One more thing.

I need to find a way to have that coy amber rose - esque look back it laugh/giggle.

I currently cackle. Literally. Think wicked witch in Disney then project that sound.

That is me when something excites me.

Unfortunately I am easily excited.