Monday, July 1, 2013

Modesty

Apparently- I am immodest.

At least that is what people ( my friends here and family say)

- none of that out of the mouth of two and three the truth is established story abeg.

For instance- My friend was telling me about how she did not really want to take photos at a wedding because she did not feel she was looking her best/ on point. And she said - shey you get?

And I said - err nope.( I never even attend events even remotely thinking I am not looking on point/ putting my best foot forward.)

And she said urgh I wonder why I even asked you- I knew you would say no.

Last week while we were studying my friend F, asked me so urm how is studying going, I replied- quite good actually you know finance is kinda like my bitch, I have little to do really.

Then she said- I need to come and make a speech at your wedding- I will start off by saying, I really hate Ore, I do not know anyone as immodest as her. LOL

and we all started laughing.

Today my uncle called me to enquire about my exam and I said - Oh it was fine.
then he said- so that means you will pass.

And I replied * insert eye roll* offcourse I will pass. The issue is how well I will pass, I am tired of B's abeg I want an A.

He said - a little humility please. LOL and we both started laughing.

I admit- I do nothing by halves.

Over time I have garnered a  healthy amount of self confidence ( probably an over dose) from certain things- school work results, looks, nails, taste in music and most recently my person in Christ Jesus.

And I know you would not believe me BUT I was not one of those people who as born confident. Honestly I must have suffered from middle child syndrome.

I always had my face in a book- frowning- Which I still do but now I smile and even LOL when reading but that is besides the point.

What happened a class of 80 11-12-13 year olds. Queens college refined me.

It was literally a DOG EAT DOG world. I honed my verbal skills and gradually became comfortable enough in my own skin ( I mean then I did not know it obviously- hindsight being 20/20 and all that). I picked my friends and gradually could not be bothered about any one else's opinions.

Personally, I learnt to take things less personally.

And I honestly honestly honestly think that that single one thing- is where my confidence emanated from.

The lack of paying excess attention to what people say. Probably why I picked up that dirty habit of gossiping ( WHICH I am struggling to drop now) I mean I just thought you can talk about me, I do not care what you say- why should you care what I say. Kinda reasoning.


Anyways fastforward to 10-12 years later. Its  kind of not okay to be confident any more.

Now people want you to shrink so everyone can be comfortable.

And not feel to left behind.

I would honestly have assumed that seeing someone shine- would only light up a fire in you to want to do better. you know be better and not bitter.

Generally speaking of course.

Over the years I have become that person who  people ask to not " come and over shine" or not to speak to boys they like because they don't want stories. And I honestly respect that.

But what I need to point out here - at the risk of sounding overtly conceited- is that I am NOT the prettiest flower in the bouquet.

( although I might be the brightest crayon in the box- toot toot) LOL

But I have never ever found it to be an issue.
You know so I find it strange when people get all comparative and live their lives like a who wore it best magazine column.

Off course I get pangs of jealousy now and then but they are so few and far between that I can dismiss them when they show up.

I guess the koko of this post to understand why I am the way I am. I guess. A lot of my posts are about me finding out about myself etc etc.

meanwhile I hate that I am changing. ( I know I said I had changed and completed full circle and yada yada yada)

But I am not a truly selfish person. - Conceited maybe- But not selfish. In fact I can put myself on the selfless train. Because Its another place I draw peace to balance out the confidence in my life from.

The ability to just basically fix things or help people. and listen and be there and brainstorm with people and offer solutions and help people pick out aso-ebi styles and link up business owners to prospective customers and introduce girls to my various wretched tailors

You know that is who I am. And I'd hate to not be that person anymore. To become passive aggressive and be unwilling to be there. I honestly believe that is my talent. To help people and bend backwards for people ( sometimes) and for random trips to lagos market or whatever.


Anyways I get peace from helping people. Like I do not even care if people do not want to help me- they probably cant anyways.

( see what I mean about not taking it personal)

okay post over.

Ps: Meanwhile... People who say things like you can never have too many shoes, I have a question for you.

What do you do with these shoes when you have only baggage allowance of 2 23kg bags and BA is not even being friendly about excess luggage?

Pss: I did not proof read so all grammatical errors are mine.


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