Finally

I am going home.

For the longest time I wanted to 1. Go home
2. Get an oil and gas job
3. Not write a dissertation.

How is it that ALL these 3 birds got killed with one stone?

Finally I can tell you guys what I have been dying to share.

At least one of the things- I am going home to do an internship in an oil and gas company AND I write a 10,000 word report.

:)

:)

Just got it approved narrowly. I am so excited.

I am going home FOR the whole summer.

Like you guys I am going home for the summer legit.

Mixed feelings for various reasons. But the mainest- Is that I am going to be with my Mummy!

:) :) And just be in Lagos.

I appreciate the hustle of Lagos. The over priced lunch dates. The late hours at work. the traffic. the stage plays. the nights out. the multiple entrepreneurs.

Just being at home. makes me so at peace. LOL.

Vegas.

Her:   Asides hotel, food and drinks at the club.
         And one dollar bills for the strippers,
         what else would I need to budget for?

Him: Rehab

#birthdaybehavior

Gratitude

And just like that, everything falls into place.

Like dominoes one good deed sets all the pieces falling into place.

All glory be to God in heaven.

Dear Friend

I have had so many firsts here.

I wish you were here to share all of them with me.

:)

For M. who struggles with vulnerability.

So one of the distractions I contend with while I study is fiction reading.

I can read for AFRICA!

Anyways so last night I was reading this book and I came across this paragraph.

“When the music faded, we shared a gaze. She looked as delicate as a snowflake, and just as unique. In her eyes were friendship, and a twinkle of seriousness that made me shiver. Whenever her eyes met mine, it felt like all of her attitude, all that crap that a woman picks up from struggling in a man’s world, all of that dissipated. She became vulnerable. Her femininity shined through. She stared at me with the soft eyes of a gentlewoman. Soft, trusting, and longing. And that eye-to-eye makes me weak for her, softens me up, takes away the edge, and makes me feel like a man. Allows me to feel the way a man is supposed to feel”


Sweetie. It is okay to let your guard down. Trust me- I know what I am doing and saying- ala sledge hammer style.

Love you lots!

:)

I underlined for emphasis.

Ps: book is titled " Milk in my coffee by Eric jerome dickey. If anyone wants to read it- Hola.

Pss: Do you guys think I might get into trouble for sharing e-books? I'm asking for my political career down the line.

Psss: I am serious about the above question.

Pssss: M. Do. Not. Turn. Into. A. Bad. Girl. ( repeat twice)

Flying colors

I really really really want to finish my degree with a distinction.

And I know I can do it. Really I have no doubt in my mind that I am intelligent enough.

I just need to allow myself to stop being distracted by 1. the internet. 2. other random things that do not aid/ develop my aim.

To be honest- coming here I wanted to do EVERYTHING!

And believe me- I have tried to.

And I have done most. But now I'm wondering is it really helping my main aim.

I mean I LOVE POLE DANCING!

Honestly I was born for that. When I am on the pole I am at peace- But I am also not studyinggg.

LOL- so It is kinda a catch 22. happiness over a result my mother can brag about?


All of this is spurred by my result- Remember the exam that slapped me so hard- my Finance Exam?

It was the only paper in which I got an A. the other two papers- I got B's.

When my course work came out in one of them- I saw a C- I almost fainted.

well not really- I was pissed off because I swear I owned that shit- although I did not ask for help/seek as much help as I should have( because I hate disturbing people) I could swear I would have done better than that.

Luckily for me. - Class participation came out and over all I got a B.

To graduate with a 1st class you need a minimum of B's and need to get A's in at least half of your courses.

So out of the 8 courses Im taking. I now have 1A and 1B.

You guys need to pray for me.

Okay heavy stuff aside. From now I would need to include Martha Stewart in my initials.

Last night was my friend's ( and I use that word extra loosely here) boyfriend's birthday.

I met them both a week ago at some other surprise birthday party. And they were dressed alike. well not alike but closely themed. And I'm like cuteeeee.

( he also said I reminded him of his ex girlfriend- which I was like *yawn*)

Anways fastforward to yesterday since I decided to take it upon myself and invite some of my friends( plus 3). I decided to bake a cake.

And 3 people is a lot of people so I decided to go all out with the cake.

how all out? well red-chocolate  and vanilla with cream cheese in the middle and as icing with bits of white chocolate and spicy cinnamon. Then a red velvet cake for my friend D( she is actually my friend) because she was jealous I was baking for someone I had only seen once.

I swear when it comes to cooking- I literally just wing it. eye ball the amount and then mix viciously pop it in the oven and pray to jehova it turns out alright.

All the time. I tell you I'm blessed because I am yet to be disgraced.

Anyways so I arrive at the party with my plus 3 guests and cake in tow. and guess what?

Home girl didnt buy her boo a cake- turns out she couldn't find in dundee and was super excited.

Next thing Mr boyfriend is like- Oh you baked me a cake from scratch I like you. * side eye*

and on and on the subtle coming on of Mr boyfriend to me.

I was creeped out. My God, half way through the party. Home girl was like- " Ore, My boyfriend needs to fuck you to get it out of his system"


And Im like- HUH?????

Anyways Long and short- everyone said OMG your cake is amazing. Derin grumbled because it was better than the little red velvet one I made her( sorry baby)

And I think I am really really really going to add baker to my cv. after I succeed in making like an apple pie or something.


MEANWHILE- I swear guys I really am bursting by the seams to share what has been going on with me.


But the first person I told ( V my flat mate) was like " YOU keep surprising me, who are you? I can not believe it, If someone told me you did that, I'd tell them to stop defaming you.. etc etc etc" generally expressing pleasant shock at it.

So Because I love and value my " Blogfam" I honestly honestly honestly do not know IF I should tell you guys.

I mean I feel like you guys already see me as a particular person. I'd hate to change your views about me.

But believe me- I am dying to tell you. Maybe next week? Or in two weeks time.

Mean while guess who has started sight reading her music sheets?????

I feel like an over achiever!

I have this fantasy where I go out to eat with my friends and there is a piano and I just sit down and start belting out tune after tune after tune. and then the manager offers me a weekly arrangement and etc etc etc.

I mean I Love the surprise on my tutors face when I get ut right the first time around.

And I got stern warnings from him with LOTS of home work to practise over the summer.

Even though I have to cut my nails to get my chord progression right- I swear I love playing the piano too.


Okay Enough sharing from me today.

You guys need to remember to pray. Always! I swear Tell God whatever it is you want to do. He is into the little details! :) Believe me. I keep seeing this first hand- everytime I go- SHOPPING!

Like I saw torera ( who writes this delicious love blog here) Its about other things too but I love her take on love, and how she works through it. Anyways, I saw her on instagram with a tshirt with kanye on it.

And I wanted it- off course it was sold out EVERYWHERE!

So today while roaming the high street I walk into HnM. Offcourse I see some BIG ones- but I mean biggie isnt kanye right? right.

So I totally walk around finally find a decent neck cuff to wear with my oleku's and what not and then I'm leaving and BOOM what do I see- A KANYE VEST. IN MY SIZE. ON SALE. THE ONLY ONE IN THE WHOLE SHOP. IN WHITE.

off course since I was on a budget I dropped all the other shit I wanted to buy and snapped up the vest( after trying it on obv- nothing worse than dashed hopes at home. in store is better)

paid and walked out. With Kanye in my bag.

As I said God cares about me. and you too- let him in. :)

ps: I did not proof read so all typo's are mine. :)

Fire Alarm

I hate it when the fire alarm goes off.

I wonder if thats how rapture will be.

Out of no where * insert siren sounds*

And obviously I am always never ever ever dressed or anything.

Like now I'm sitting in my towel.- Do you know how long it will take me to 1- clean my face, find what to wear, change my bag, pack my bag and then actually get dressed to go and assemble?

I think a lot of us are like that in our spiritual lives. Lackadaisical, because its always a spoof fire alarm. Jesus has been coming soon we say. We still haven't seen him. And so a lot of other things are more important than our walk with him.

Basically we need to be prepared at all times.

Spur of the moment post. I love the analogy although I have no idea where it came from.

Changing yet remaining the same.

Moving here might have been the best thing for me.

I am changing yet some how remaining the same.

And I might have just turned into a closet * insert inappropriate word here* whatever that means.

And I LOVE EETTT.

I know how strange this might sound but I am absolutely selfless. Like- Before I did anything I would consider all parties involved. and stoffs

But now- I am learning that its okay to like only what I like- Which is good because I have never really been a main streamer type of person.

But now I am comfortable with it- Now I do not even consider 2nd opinions when shopping. when previously I would have sent photo's and what not when my indecisiveness got the better of me.

Now I just pick an item and move on. Sorry Stylists I think I might have found what works for me.

I find it easier to forgive myself.

Even after my 1st peter 5:8 yesterday. I will went and spazzed on the ass of the human that offended me.

And I do not feel sad/bad or like it has taken anything away from my struggle to be a better person.

I think in essence- I am learning to fall and stand up as gracefully as possibly while keeping it moving.

I have been to the gym only twice this month. And I do not feel so bad.

I had an accident ( minor) on my left leg ( I swear my left leg is just going for most scars on my body)

So I couldnt work out and I am not sad. :)

I think I am finally at that place where when they ask- I can say " Im fine" and its an honest answer that suffices.

I am taking love from whoever wants to give it. Motives do not concern me. I was so worried about changing for the longest time that I struggled to remain the same.

But I am changed. And when I look back I try to find the point where I changed. I can not. I find that it occurred over a series of events- while I struggled to remain the same I was changing. My subconcious, My body, My ideals, My values everything was just waiting for my conscious self  to catch up.

And Like merging of two souls- seamless.- Actually two souls merging is everything but seamless in reality even though theory makes it seem that way.

But you catch my drift.

All of a sudden I know that everything would be okay. - If God says so then  it will be.

Christ Like

Everytime I want to be Christ like. really I do. I try to be a better person.

I constantly struggle to not habitually fall into sin and so on and so forth.

Basically I try to love my neigbours and enemies and pray for them.

So please can someone tell me why other human beings somehow go out of their way to thwart my efforts?

Like I'm just here trying to be a better person and you are just there trying to make me remain the same person I used to be.

So annoying.

And I was going to do a name and shame and a rant on twitter then I saw this bible verse.

1st peter 5:8. Be careful! be alert! be on the watch. Your enemy the devil roams around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. be firm in your faith and resist him because you know that your fellow believers in all the world are going through the same kind of sufferings.

Calmed me down.

I need to create a list of bible verses to recite out loud for when I am angry.

I have one for when I am down and it works wonders for me.

I really was just going to cry and rant and rave but abeg. I'll just try to keep calm.

Although I am reallllllyyyy upset.

I'll not let my anger get the better of me.

A man in control of his anger and all that...

Sooooo what is going on with you?

That question is so loaded- I always say nothing.

because I do not know who I can trust with my business in thier mouth.

Obviously I am struggling with trust issues- with females and its so odd because you'd think that people talking about me wont concern me too much.

Now I really do not care- I'd rather just not give you my business myself. Its no hard feelings till I sort out who I can trust- EVERYBODY gets to know what is going on with me from here- AKA NOTHING!

Lol. Meanwhile at this amazing house party on friday my friend said she can see the influence of my pole dancing classes in my life. I was putting it down and looking like a bag of money.

-Thats what "they" told me sha.

You know the down side to suffering from lack of trust- Dying to share but having no one to share with.

And no- I'm not sharing on the blog either.

In other more interesting news- It's my mother's birthday!

Another year and no grand kids but I think she is coming around accepting flowers and spa certificates in the place of grand kids.

:)

Obviously not accepting but more tolerating.

I Love my mother and I wish her the absolute best this year. She has been so amazing to me this year and even better she supported all my choices I made. I do not think I can thank her enough for her support.

But Mummy do not worry grand kids are in the works for you*. I love you so so so much, you probably love me more ( as it should be) but I love you alot. Have an amazing day at all your meetings!

:)

*: No this does not mean I'm with child. or maybe it does. whatever.

For: You know who.

I can get used to song dedications like this.

Thank you.

And I Love you too. Sometimes.

ps: The sender knows him/herself.

pss: If you think its you, I most likely love you too.

psss: I had the most amazing day today. - I'm not sure I should share. But it was amazing

pssss: Be very Jealous.

Seeking the face of God

I admit. I am super lucky.

I am that one person who everything seems to work out for right on time.

For instance- I booked a ticket to london for the 28th of march before I even knew what my time table looked like. and my last exam was on that day and I was able to shift my flight and stuff.

Or like today. when I as looking for a travelling bag and I saw this delicious bag in Oasis. - sidebar I never go to oasis, its waaay to expensive and the clothes are a bit too prim and proper for me-

anyways so I was just passing through and I saw this bag. and it was discounted by over 50%.

Offcourse I bought it. even better- I got a free chocolate with my purchase.

God looks out for me. And not because I am a better person than everyone else but because he is an amazing God.

I mean everything seems to have worked out perfectly for me here. I found a cheap ticket to london stress free.

I am able to help the people around me without strain.

I am finally understanding what it is to walk with God. When you seek the face of God- everything works out for your own good.

When something happens to me-I am not flustered again. I just say God yeah over to you and I move onto the next one abeg. NO TIME for worry lines.

My point is this. Seek the face of God constantly. I mean no one gets its perfect but with God you get full marks for trying. Trust me - I know this.

My life is evidence.

Europe

I want to go travel through Europe for summer.

"What do you know about Europe?" he asked

I know about Danish cookies, Deep tissue Swedish massages, Spanish fly and French kisses.

" Show me " he said.

She obliged.

#thend

on repeat- groove therapy- Tell me.

Story telling- LONG ASS POST

If you do not like their story, tell your own- Chinua Achebe.

Last night I found a free copy of Adiche's Americanah online and I stayed up all night reading it.

I have never done a book review before but this book left me with a longing to say something- about everything.

The book has a lot of themes the most popular being : race, hair and feminism. all of which are subtexts for equity.

But you see- I have come to acknowledge that equity is like perfect gravity. It does not exist, better still, it can not exist.
The reason being Equity is not fair and equity gives rise to inequality Catch 22 eh?. In my books fairness is greater than equality.

Which is why cries of racism, sexism and feminism amuse me.

On feminism
Feminism according to dictionary dot com which is on my iphone is " the doctorine advocating social political and all other rights of women equal to men."

A lot of people I have spoken to equate feminism to a choice for the women. They say that is the bane of feminism. That a woman is able to choose. If she wants to work, or stay at home or be a mistress or have her nails done daily at the expense of her father. The whole advocacy of feminism is that you have a choice. However, what everyone I spoke to about feminism had to say also skipped an extremely important portion. It missed out the responsibility to respect the act to exercise the choice and ultimate respect for the choice made.

Personally I believe in all honesty no one above 12 is really and truely forced to do what they do not want to do. They might not like it, but asides extreme cases of the literal gun to your head- everyone really and truly does what they want.

And it is the first reason I find feminism amusing- women are allowed to vote,to work, to wear trousers and to drive ( asides in the middle east) so what rights are you truly advocating?
The right to a choice of life you want to live yes? Basically- domestic goddess or boardroom banshee.

And that is what feminism has given to women. however what it failed to give along with the choice is the responsibility to respect the choices that other people have made. I have seen people sneer at working class mothers whose children go awry and make snide comments like- " when she was chasing money, she neglected her God given duties" while I have heard women with jobs mock thier house wife counterparts in the very likely and often frequent event of lack of economic power with statements like- "shebi you were feeling like a madam now you can see?"


And I believe it is this lack of respect which invariably emanates from the school of thought that one's way is superior to the other that truly defeats the purpose of feminism. It is the fact that while you exercise a choice, someone somewhere who is a feminist be-grudges that choice because it is simply not the route she would would have taken.

This is why feminism amuses me- because you are allowed to choose but in the eyes of MANY feminists only one answer can be right. NOT both- even if/when they tell you- we are fighting for YOUR option of choice.

On Race

Racism and racial slur is something I am yet to encounter since I moved here. Maybe because I find that the scottish people deal with you on a one on one case. They do not even refer to us as black- at least to my hearing- I am Nigerian in the eyes of every scottish person I have met. And I can understand why people in America might have issues with Racism- I'd hate to be referred to as Ghanaian. But you see eradication of racism can only truly exist when you bring yourself to the table. I believe that all race is equal but because of fairness- everyone can never be treated equally. You can not be a chinese man and have poor grades and then say because you are chinese that is why you arent getting hired. Neither can you be black and complain about the lack of goof jobs when you have 3 children at 17 and you havent gotten your act together.

I honestly believe that all men are equal and all women are equal. ONLY due to the possession of similar genitalia. Men are only equal because they have penis. To further clarify. Blackman= white man= hispanic man= jewish man. because they have the same penis. Finish. And that is really the only grounds for equality. that simple fact.

Because you see- Everybody's penis is not the same size. and it can never be. So when you say all men bring your "kini's" out let me see- you are the judge feel's the need to reward those in the larger group with a better reward as opposed to those repping for team biro cover.

And that is how I feel with life. There is so much that black people can do to develop themselves and move into the big league instead of blaming everything on racism. You can get a degree. you can work summer jobs. you can intern. you can apply at places. you can network. you can really honestly take a cue from the jews( whom a fellow light skinned aka white person wiped out a huge chunk of but have somehow managed to rise above this-also I believe it was worse for them  because they were white, another white man was wiping out fellow white man) and lets face it. Its pretty much the same as the black people selling themselves yet they have never been able to move past it. And they need to, because until then, they would never get into the big league. they would never be experience equity, because to be fair, it would be unfair to the white man to give them the job JUST because they are black.

Which is really why I applaud Obama. call him mixed race, kenyan, hawaiian. Whatever mix really he is black and has a black wife in that same white america crawling from floor to celing with racists  who drink racism in their morning coffee along with breakfast everyday. Yet he has become president. Please What is your own excuse?

On Sexism and Hair

 You see this sexism is really strange because women are DIFFERENT FROM MEN. And I find it amusing that despite this oh so obvious difference you want to be treated the same.

Except you intend to grow a penis. You need to move past this expectation. While the roles of women have evolved over the years- the fact remains unchanged. That you don't have a dick. and you need to get over this.

What you should be touting is fairness and not equity. You should demand a reward commensurate to the effort you put in irrespective of whether the effort-ee is male or female. And that is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. except for that irritating fact about how men are physically stronger than women.Which  is fine because I doubt women feminists are clamouring for physical labour jobs.
So that fact changes nothing. Get that money and get to the top. Stop self sabotaging with the words " its because I am a woman" To be honest do your job well and nobody gives a shit. At least in my former firm.

Hair. This topic was given waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much  face time in that book to be honest.
I found myself yawning. and thinking honestly I am female and it really is just Hair okay? Do what works for you. And to the people who mock our brazilian weave wearing sisters I need to just point out 2 things.
1- if they paid for it, It's theirs.
2. Possession is 9/10ths of the law. and it doesn't get any more possessive than it sitting on your head.

-sidebar, I mean when you buy a car from toyota and you have paid, I do not think Toyota can come back and claim it is theirs. I mean the car is sitting in your compound. face it. You own the facking car!


Generally It was a good book. Although a tad condescending and fairytale like especially the ending.
But let us face it. Life is hard enough as it is- the books should be our escape. So why is everyone irritated at that ending?

Because our reality is different or because it is so obvious that Adiche struggles to unlearn all she has internalized from the Nigerian culture?

Obinze's friend tell's him he can not leave his wife simply because the person he loves has arrived. Only if he beats her or she has a child for another man. But he leaves her anyways. Five years ago I would have aww'd at that ending. But today I rolled my eyes and called Obinze an irresponsible coward. Because it was what I have been taught, not expressly but the  Nigerian society has taught me over and over and over again.

- sidebar ALTHOUGH the more new weddings I hear breaking up the more I think- Maybe just Maybe Adiche  is father along the curve in the road by that ending?


There is SO much I want to say BUT 1st- I am glad I did not spend money buying the book.2 I have had waaay too much to drink tonight and I did not bother to proof read. and 3rd. Whoever has a kindle and wants the book should send me an email.


What did you people who have read the book think? Yay or Nay.

Shoes

Being 6 feet everything, I have never had to wear heels.

seriously. Never ever. Also because I had not seen a pair that moved me.

Last week- I found two. OMG.

*side note* Is it possible for your feet to be totally flat that it's impossible to wear heels?

Anyway here they are.

Red shoes

and
brown shoes

I have no idea why but these ones called out to me.

is this love?

Resolutions

In the month of June, I am going to read my books

watch what I eat

and visit the gym everyday.

In the month of June- i am going to study my bible everyday

and stop snapping at people.

In the month of June- I am going to fuel try to buy a pole

I am going to read more chick lit. more than I should.

I am going to write my law paper in the month of June.

Why? So I can be accountable to someone.

I think I should throw in 8 minute abs everyday as well.

:)

I am going to write a shopping list and stick to it.

I have another surprise I want to share buttttttttt- I have no idea IF its what I wanna do.

I mean since I'm shy and stoffs. :)