Your Parents

 I read an essay about Lagos, and growing up and parents written by a man called Tunde Wey. 

Anyway the essay made me realize what I have been struggling to put a finger on for a long time.

My parents are two very different people who got married, had 3 children and left each other ( well my father left my mother), they are both remarried now.

The older I get the more I am able to look at them through non judgemental lenses, and just see them, and what I see are both flawed people. One who stayed to raise her children because her back was against the wall and she had run out of options.

and one who left because he had never had a chance to practice building the capacity that will be needed for difficult times. So he ran. and keeps running. But slows down long enough to ask for a soft loan- which I always ignore. then he continues to run.

Neither of my parents are bad people, infact both of them are victims of Lagos living. and we all know how vicious Lagos is. If you show a hint of fear Lagos will chew you up and spit you out like it did my Father who now lives in Oshogbo with his wife and two daughters from that marriage.

But if you face Lagos head on, every day, eventually she yields and grants you all the trappings of Lagos living. A day bursting with the potential of a missed flight because traffic or a missing side mirror because another car is doing a high speedchase with law enforcements, all of which you will avoid because you have mopol in your 4x4. The high seats of the 4x4's - which my mother has 3 of, really distances you from the daily potential lagos madness. You can see it, feel it but it can't touch you.

Not in the way Nigeria touches you anyway.

So I love my mother, If I was in her class, I'd be her friend, very casually not too close, mostly for money talk because she had all the spirit of frivolousness beaten out of her by her mother.

But I'd avoid my father like a plague, a man who is filled with nothing but excuses, will never know how to roll up his sleeves and get the job done. And even though I am super lax about making friends, that is the one thing I know I wouldn't have wanted in my inner circle. A mouth full of a excuses and a pocket of empty promises.

My father is 70 now, and my mother is 60. 

My mother who I deeply adore is a living reminder of how much is possible when you just roll up your sleeves and get the work done, not caring who gets the credit. 

My father reminds me of the lifestyle that is possible if you don't responsibility for your actions and habits and eventually your life.