So. Cougar alert and other stories

Cougar alert.

Why did I go out with T last night and meet this 24 year old who wants to give me his heart?

No

I mean like he said to me while holding my hand clasped in both of his, " I like you, I like you a lot and I think I want to give my heart to you, but I want to be logical about it"

Me: Thank you ( I guess)

Me: I am also 32 so yeah

Him: I've always liked older women

Me: No you just like me. not older women.

Him: You are right, I like you.


Now this wont have been a problem at allllllllll except you know how I said he is 24, turns out he went to school ( like shared a room- went to school) with Eros's younger, younger younger brother.

So I mention that oh I happen to know his room mate and he says oh " That's strange, how come he never introduced me to you, I usually meet most of his friends"

" well, I won't say we were exactly friends"

" Were you people having sex"

" Oh God no, but the nature of our relationship doesn't matter now"

"Doesn't matter how?"

"Like it is irrelevant".

"Okay, I'm going to let it rest and we would come back to it".

We would?





via GIPHY



So I mean this is getting major awkward because- wth?

And because really I'm the worst person to get tangled with right now, and because who the hell gets involved with someone 8 years younger- Actually the Macrons and WadeUnion begs to differ.

It just seems so interesting.

Also there is another very very very very interesting angle to this shit I can't blog about but trust me.

Someone would end up crying and it won't be me.

"Disclaimer received loud and clear"

My creative said, " I hate and envy how easy it is for you to get boys to like you".

me "It's my winning personality shining through".

Other stories.

I know someone who I used to be in a fitness group with. Won't say we are friends, we are cordial enough as you can be in a fitness group with over 30 women.
Group dissolves.


Last year, I move back home. raw as hell. and I start hearing from people that this "someone" has been asking everyone, why she is seeing me in traffic. since she knows I live in VI.

Not one person

Not two people.

And then those ones came to ask me if I was okay, which I was for the most part.

But it was the most intrusive thing ever because if you want to know so badly, why do you not ask me? why are you going around asking people who aren't me?

But okay no problem.

I told myself I would make sure this shit didn't make me hard, or bitter or spiteful towards anyone, So it didn't matter what I heard, or what XYZ said, I just told myself I won't be a bitch I would be gracious to everyone consistently irrespective of how I felt.

So I ignored this.

Today "Someone" messages me talking about I look so good
me: I KNOW. :)

Her: Please you seem to have the secret to this weight loss thing down. I just saw the photo you posted on IG. Tell me what you did.

*pause*

So I'm thinking I'm not the only person you must know who has lost weight, people loose weight all the time. And you can come to me for information about this, but you "heard" *I* moved back home and you thought to ask *everyone* else but me who had the information about it.

But I said- I'm trying to remain soft but this whole thing is really pissing me off.

Sunday night I'm out, I run into one of Ero's friends who wants to talk to me.

Me: Okay, I'm listening

Then he goes off on a tangent about how he can not believe I let things get to this point and he is disappointed in me.

Me: You are disappointed in me?



via GIPHY

So I just said okay nice chatting with you and entered my car.

I mean I could have read him and told him what he really wanted to hear but to what end?

I love Amebo as much as the next person but I guess this has really taught me to just be sensitive to the fact that the gist is actually someone else's reality and it wont hurt to measure your words before you open your mouth.

Ps: I have left said someone on read. for now. I'm probably going to answer her sha.
Because I'm a softie at heart.



Pss: I did take my 24 year old's number before he started declaring his serious like for me, but but I think it is best if I do not even use it, although I did say I will invite him to my next get away.

And my next get away finna be LITTY.

List 23: List all the things that make you laugh

- Funny books

- Being Savage in traffic

- Having conversations over meals with my friends

-Random compliments

-The moment when people realize my actual greatness ( there is always that moment)

- Me being calm when everyone is going crazy.

- Me going crazy when everyone is being calm.

Honestly, everything just cracks me up. I'm one of those "Everything is a joke to you" people.

Currently

Contemplating

If this 6 month celibacy challenge is going to be the death of me.
Probably not
But knowing how these things work, Its going to be raining dick.
Always excited to try out how much self restraint plus my body really needs me celibate now


Listening

non stop to this and thinking should I try 3months instead? LOL JK

You should feel it, meet and greet it

I would be a genius if I didn't think with my penis

Thinking

-About the madness this weekend is about to be.

A Madness.

- About the boy I met at my boy's house last night who looked at me and said, " You are interesting, but not interesting like I want to figure you out, because I think I might lose my mind, but interesting in like I want to draw from you.

I hear all sorts but you guys I was like 

via GIPHY

No for real.

What is in this lagos water? I did not give him my number sha. No power.

-About how the reason I stopped snapchatting is going to be the same reason I stop using Instastories.

I mistakenly, And I say mistakenly- because I keep forgetting that because of my marital status a lot of things I do would be subject to all sorts of interpretation, but for real I'm just badly behaved, it's not personal. So I mistakenly  put up a photo while hanging out with my friend last night at his and he had a T shirt that said " Bad gang" and tagged it " With the boy".

Jamb Question galore.

-About how people who know me didn't even realize I never put up a photo of Eros. Ever

Speaking of Eros

-About how this would be the first time in a little under 10 years that I would not give him anything on his birthday.

Actually I'm a fucking liar, because I did consider sending him a cuban cigar.

via GIPHY

C'est la vie.


Looking

For my favorite earrings

Realizing
My mother was right, all those years of taking of jewelery and just dropping them everywhere, kitchen, bed, floor, bathroom sill was going to burn me when I got older.

Remembering 

How I almost died from embarrassment when I was looking for my Pandora.


Feening

For my body to heal it's self

Wondering

-If Yoga on the beach on Sunday morning is doing the most.
-If " Enjoyment Enthusiast" is the wrong answer when people ask me what I do.


And if any of you were wondering, I am still reading Camino Island.

List 22: List all the favorite places you have been

At the top of this list is actually Beirut Lebanon.

Lebanon was perfect for all the reasons a vacation should be.

Sex ( I went with Eros), Food (Lebanese hospitality), Love ( I was there for was a wedding), Ocean swimming (even though I can't swim), Roof top parties( with the best live band) and watching the sun rise and set on the deck of a boat half naked.

I left a HUGE chunk of my heart in Lebanon and I'm hopeful I can go back (sometime this year) to get it or leave some more.


Art galleries and artist studios are another favorite of mine.
I like how clean and spare the spaces are. In a common case of juxtaposition I love how messy artist studios are. The spaces reek (metaphorically)  of grit, broken dreams and work but literally of paint and acetone and sometimes weed.

I like to think it reminds me of my life and what I portray.
Messy room, messy mind but well thought properly fitted out fits and coherent critical commentary.

Yes that is why art galleries & Artist Studios are my favorite places.


I haven't been, but I know that Riad's in Morrocco would easily feature on this list.

Easily.

Currently

Listening 

NON STOP BY THE WAY. ( as always)

I know you wanna see me

Nakey Nakey Naked.

When I'm with you all I get is Wild thoughts.

I hope you know I'm for the takin'?

Here for Rihanna giving us a summer anthem filled with thirst trap lyrics and Instagram captions for days.

And how did she morph into this sex siren?

I'm short of words, and I'm never short of words.

Reading

And It seems prettty good so far.

but this (which I found wayy more interesting)

https://www.intelligence.senate.gov/sites/default/files/documents/os-jcomey-060817.pdf

James Comey writes so well. I would work for the FBI if it means I get to write that well.

Looking 

For my favorite earrings. 

and because I'm not a child, I'm not messaging anyone to look for them.

When they are ready they would surface.

Excited

about my friends pretty perfect proposal (If I do say so myself) yesterday and the subsequent art gallery visit we made.

about my current manicure, got it done at a random saloon in Lagos Island and it works. It more than works. matches what I have on my leg finger ( Toes- if you do not have twitter)

ps: I love love love the Lagos art space, reminds me of all the good things I have planned out for my living space. White walls and spot lights.

Thinking 

-about forming a book club. I mean I always send out e-books

-of quitting alcohol. I have become quite light headed and  I get absolutely filthy when that liquor gets into me.

Plus I'm supposed to be healing and Lagos traffic stresses me too much.

Making

Plans for the long weekend.

Secretly

Hoping they don't see the moon or they see it on the wrong day and we get three days public holiday again this year.

Energy

One of the most interesting things I learnt about going on vacation to a city where you do not speak the language is how much you are forced to rely on energies/Vibes/Vibrations/Intuition ( whatever you want to call it) to decipher situations, sentiments and relationships.

Which makes me wonder before languages, how did we communicate.

I personally have really high energy levels, I am incredibly private but I love to help out people.
It's weird. You would come hang with me and the vibes would be so perfect. ( No horn tutting)

I am yet to find someone who matches my energy with the same intensity. It's awful I know, I also do not care because it is true. In many relationships I am in, I am consistently giving, this isn't a problem for me because plot twist- The more you give, the more you have. ( life principles  I guess)

Lately I have been struggling to give/do things that normally would not be an issue. Ah well.

Now Since I started leaning in and listening to the energies around me, I'm finding my range getting shorter. (I was supposed to find stillness) but now I do not really care what people say and or do.

I'm leaning more into how I feel around you.

And if the vibe does not edify myself. I'm out.

Because here is what I have learnt to be true: The energy you bring can never lie.
So you may be smiling at me and wanting to stab me guts out and because of what you are saying to me, your intent may be concealed but not any more.


This realization has me listening more.
I think it's something I want to do more off in the second half of the year.
Listen more.
Because I'm also learning that I can not learn when I'm talking.

Ps: I am looking serious for a solid solid solid Yoga situation space in Lagos, preferably in Ikoyi or VI.
And I mean Solid, I have attended a few classes and they fall so short they practically do not exist when compared to the one class I took at Viscaya in Miami.
I bought a freaking Yoga mat.
I might as well start doing self practice.

And I looking to going back to playing the Piano.
I happen to have enough time now, so why not?

Currently

I know I know
They are easy to put together.

Listening 

Non stop to this song

Non freaking stop

Before we hit the road 

lets put our phones on silent

Nobody's tryna bring sand to the beach

Say what you will about Diplo and cultural appropriation and misappropriation but he is putting Naija music ( I know not African NAIJA) on the freaking world map.

Drafting

A strong worded statement to defend Diplo's sexual prowess. 

I dunno who died and made Katy Perry Sasha Grey.

Reading 

Third installment in the crazy rich Asians series 

and this book is ACE.

Killed it. I love reading about all the luxury I didn't even know

existed.

Wearing

-My Pandora bracelet ( Yes I found it and it was not on anyone's bedstand- Thank you very much)

-So much pride at the fact that GSW won.

#DubsNation #ChefCurry #SweepGang

- Red nail polish and I know it is the wrong choice.

Excited 

-about everything, which is really weird because what is exciting me?

-My body is making me so pleased. I have no idea why but I quite like what I look like when I wake up and I see myself naked.

- Also my mum's birthday is coming up. Prettttty Excited about that too

So pleased.

Looking

For cheap tickets for my Christmas vacation.

I know- Yen yen yen

I still need a vacation.

List 21: List the things that you want to make

Beautiful babies with Wes (aka Diplo).
ps: I have had celebrity crushes before but none of this level. It's equal parts annoying and amusing.


- Mix tape with Diplo
-Coffee table book with travel photos
- a Book ( that has actual words and not just photos)
- nail polish line

And because I am a Nigerian and ultimately a mummy's girl

- my mother happy/proud.

Currently

Crying at my office desk in joy about how perfect this woman's life is because of her precious/ positive attitude

If you have the time, watch this and see how amazing resilience is.


Giving 

out cuban cigars and my co-workers can not believe I bought them.

I think my new co-workers think I do not like them much.



Reading

This is a rather interesting book

Listening 

non stop to this.

I mean non stop

Súbeme la radio que esta es mi canción 

Siente el bajo que va subiendo 

Tráeme el alcohol que quita el dolor 

Hoy vamos a juntar la luna y el sol

And wondering if the rumors of Enrique being gay are still true because. *Insert cackle*

Googling

-Words that rhyme with Rain-drop for my instagram #WhileIWasAwayWednesday photos I'm about to bless my followers with.

- Translation of despacito in english  and sending out , hey what you doing after work texts.

Wondering

If Justin beiber is old enough to be singing these lyrics, 

Because I know a few things he is old enough for.

why the hell haven't I started applying for jobs outside Nigeria?

preferably in spaces that have Spanish speaking men?

If I am as bad a person as everyone says I am ( probably yes but still wondering)

If everyone is also right about how I am not working in the right space. My friend T said He feel's

Sending

-out emails of one of my favorite books it's called " The lovers Dictionary" by David Levithan. 

Love and light and positive vibes to all my readers.

Feeling

myself like I lost my keys, no really, my body is making me really happy. 

Not like it hasn't made me happy but I'm talking peak levels.

It's healing nicely and even my little jiggle belly is making me excited.

Realizing

All my vacation photos are naked. and thus can not go on the gram. :(

LOL. JK. Instagram gon get all these shots.

Vacation tales

I am updating my travel journey on my travel blog soooooo if you are interested in what I look like
( which must mean you are a really poor stalker if you haven't hacked it by now)- You may want to look into that.

I mean I do not have photos yet but we are getting there.

So Part 1 of cuba is up on The travel blog

So go on, you know you wanna click on it and see how much fun I had in Cuba.

Pss: I really should have done a series on the men I met/spoke to in Havana.

Psss: Cuban men are soooo affectionate. I did not even realize how much I liked affection. LOL.

Like they would hold your hands to cross the tiniest gutter. Well they kept holding my hands and you guys know I do not wash my hands. ( I really should disgusting habit).

Pssss: Please stop sending me hints. I am AWFUL at deciphering this shit. AWFUL. Like half the time if I'm not coming on to you I have no idea you are angling for me.

Like you have a better chance of getting me in your bed if you open your mouth and tell me : "I am trying to get you in my bed", instead of a thousand and one baseless conversations that center around nothing.

I know. I know. But life is too short for empty chatter.

List 20: Things that make your spirit free

Boat rides

Moscato

Completed Audited financial statements

Properly done gel manicures

Stage performances.

Music

Runs that leave me winded.

Time lapse videos of planes taking off and landing

Lying in bed, half naked, reading  and drinking.

Witty conversations that never end.