Difficult conversations and filthy behavior inducing liquor.

For an aggressive person, I admit my emotional IQ is maybe zero.
which is strange because i'm apparently supposed to be intensely emotional.

For that reason, I hate taking any decisions that would task me emotionally.

not even making decisions. but undertaking any action generally that puts the slightest strain on me emotionally. My Mo is usually to run away. and never deal with the issue. Or throw as much cash at the issue till it goes away. ( if you must know, the former has a higher success rate)

-side bar, I was not always like this- some where along the line I realized that emotions are limited and I started rationing them.

Then I realized the best part of life, People will get down with you whether or not you are emotionally invested. But only as long as it serves them.

That saved me a lot of emotions that I have running around freely now.- which might be the reason for this new bout of insomnia.

Anyways, My friend stopped speaking to me but today ( I acknowledge the part the copious amounts of Hennessy I drank took in this*)  I took the first step to face book message him.

this is what I texted verbatim

" I miss our conversations, lets be friends again, pretty please"

Sometimes, Less is the most.

But only sometimes. Usually I ply on the bullshit. heavily- firm believer in flattery getting me everywhere.

 I think sending out messages like this - border line desperate, painfully honest and setting yourself up for ela of life is a huge part of emotional development for me.

Because sometimes, you come to realize, you owe nobody because you own yourself.- Thank you Wendy

And then ela's don't seem so daunting.

And FYI- he text back, "I guess we can be friends again.... since you asked".

Bingo.

* I hate Hennessy. It is probably the only thing that gets me wasted. So why do I keep putting it in my mouth. I literally get filthy when that thing gets into me- No Bey once.