Lagos

Lagos reminds me of the madness in those end of the world movies will smith is so damn famous for.

Except in that in Lagos as the world is falling apart, people are going about their business like its nothing.

Everyday we witness accidents that Hollywood block buster action sequences want to be when they grow up and  we just shrug, probably mutter God abeg o and continue on our merry way.

There is a method to the madness in Lagos, which seems to defy all logic. But it works.

And if it aint broke, why you tryna fix it?

In the last week, Lagos has taught me one very important lesson, all is fair in love, war and parking spaces. Because of your car can fit in, and no one stops you, then you can park there, even when you know its wrong- especially when you know better.

Because that must be the only reason someone who has complete control of his faculties will park and  block the road like they are chasing him from his mother's village.

side bar- why do they always chase from only mothers village.

Enough with the complaining- I love Lagos, fuel scarcity and all.

When I decided to not drink any more alcohol or soda anymore- what I forgot to factor in was that in Lagos, going to " drinks" is an actual event. Not as a date or as a rendevous but just because you do not want to stay at home. and you have loose change. Drinks become an option.

That really isn't the problem except Nigerians or should I say lagosians make the weakest mocktails on the face of God's green earth.

You might as well set your cool N2000 on fire.

I have taken to drinking water in large amounts.

I have another holiday 2nd week in april so I need to be bikini ready.

As always, I am dragging my feet, But God willing, I will do better going forward.

I have eaten rice only twice this week and I have drank soda zero times.

I am pleased with my progress.

I am not pleased with being my mother's errand girl.

That is a lie, since I spent a lot of time with her in London, I have gradually become aware of her, her sacrifices and how amazing her work ethic is.

In my recurrent job search, I have found that she is highly revered among her peers and industry people.

I think it is a shame that I am just making this realization. I screech so much about leaning in every damn day and just 2 feet away from me my mother is breaking glass ceilings everyday and not just leaning into the table but flipping the damn thing over every chance she gets.

This mini praise session seems valid as Sunday happens to be mothers day.

So mummy- I know you do not read my Blog and I hope to God you never do.
But I am proud of you. the woman you are and the choices you have made and the amazing life you have given us.

So this mother's day- seeing as I am almost a mother myself* I actually finally understand what you mean when you say " when you make your own money use it to buy what you want"

I am thankful to God for blessing you so immensely. for how selflessly you treat everyone and how much you want to see everyone succeed.

If everyone in the world was like you, the world would be a much better place.

I love you. Not because you are my mother, But because you are THE ideal mother.


emosh trance over.

Anyone else here get labelled user?

Nope, just me then. And the worst part, I do not bother to conceal that I might be taking undue advantage of said usee.

Some of us are wired without fucks to give.

Lagos- The  Your Queen has landed

* I am not pregnant or expecting a child or a dog or a cat.

Conversations.

Him
I never really did well in school.

Me
Why?

Him
I did not like chocolate.

Me
You might need to do better than that.

Him
for real. They always rewarded academic excellence with chocolate, And I've never liked them so there was no need to excel in school.

Me
Well damn.

Him
Benfica beat Spurs.

Me
Shit. I closed my Ladbrokes account today. I knew I should have bet.

Him
You have a ladbrokes account?

Me
But I have closed it.

Him
You do not seem like the type to gamble.

Me
Well I used to.

Him
You hide it well.

Question.

Why are we different to different people?

Let me rephrase and put in context.

I meet person A. Person A is male.

Person A and I have mindless banter and I give him my social media id's. ( instagram and Twitter only- God forbid anyone finds my Facebook)

And Person A gets back to me. I do not know you.

Me
I'm kind of busy right now so you need to make your point as fast as possible.

Person A
Like who are you. I meet you and you are one person. I go on your instagram and you are someone else then I see your tweets and I do not even know what to do with you. Who are you.

Me
Boo- there are no boxes big enough to fit me into. Stop trying. I am multi faceted like a diamond.

Person A
You are also full of it. Drinks later in the week?

Me
My people will call your people.

So- Am I the only one who gets those messages.

People trying to place you but struggling.

Three weeks ago with my friend Jade. And she said, I honestly have no idea what is going on with you.

I said baby girl- Do not worry about me, I am on top of it. and things.

I wish people would take me for who I am and not trying to make sense of it.

I am me.
Perfect imperfections and potty mouth to match.

And I think too many people are dishonest about who they really are. Which is why I must shock people so much.

As a side bar

Along with giving up gambling and betting. I stopped drinking alcohol.

For my skin, weight and to enable me leave the club with the right man. Make better life choices.

As much as the next person, or probably more I enjoy a good drink every now and then so you can imagine that this is really hard for me.

couple this with the fact that I arrive Lagos tomorrow for GOOD.

School is over and I am back to work.

Equal parts excited and dreading it. even worse the fact that I cant drink myself to stupor after a bad audit.

That being said I can not believe how fast last year went by. Gosh.

One more thing- People tell me i'm a bit too cheery.

I think the world has enough problems without me adding gloom to it. you know?

and to be honest- I am actually quite blessed, My life is good and has me sitting pretty at the top right now.

Pss- I still have not found a buyer for my black dress. these things do not usually take this long, I complained to my friend ( who I was propositioning to buy my dress- without much success, I might add)

His response-  Maybe you are losing it.

Me- that one sef dey.

And speaking of friends- I received the most delightful email this week from Oyetola of this delicious blog. We used to be pen pals or email pals and just basically check in on each other. It was refreshing to read the trail. Oye boom Love you!

But she has since retired.

So when I return to Lagos, I will be seeking a replacement for pen-pal ship. or links to blogs which are as personal as mine.

I feel like there are no personal blogs anymore.

Post is everywhere as always. Typo's are all mine.

texting problems.

A female turns 25 and all of a sudden every single male, thinks she wants to marry them.

Now when texting, I have to be extra clear.

In houston, I had to call a boy. Called him, he did not pick.

So I text him " give me a ring when you see this text"

He does not call me back.

So the next time, I physically see him, I find myself having to explain that  I infact have no desire to marry him, all I needed was for him to ring me back AKA call me, so that I could make plans for my day.

Awkward moment averted.

Today, I'm texting a different boy and excerpt of the conversation.

Him: So what are you up to?

Me: nothing much Shopping online

Him: What are you shopping for?

Me: Wedding dresses.

Him: oh

Me: yeah

Him: *typing message for 5 minutes*

Me: OMG I meant a dress for a wedding

Me: Like for my friends wedding not my wedding dress

Me: A dress to wear for my friends wedding.

Him: Lol, ok.

Me: before you start panicking.


And in my mind, I'm thinking surely, I'd have to have dated you before texting you to give me a ring.

Last I checked, you kind of have to be in some sort of relationship  no?

Perseverance in Love.

source: Google images.

When dating, or when attempting to get into an exclusive relationship with someone who ticks all your boxes ( imagined or real)- Heart break is inevitable.

The likelihood of the said person not wanting you with the same intensity with which you want them might occur.

Or even worse, they might just take you as a filler or starter till main dish shows up and they discard you.

Another outcome is that they just are not that into you.

A more favorable outcome could be that- you eventually grow on them and all those qualities your mother repeatedly affirmed to you as a child, is finally visible by your object of desire.

Not one to over reach on statistics but the odds are that if you and your object of desire do not hit it off, from day one- you might get a 20% chance of a favorable outcome. And 20% is over reaching.

To increase your odds, you are likely to jump hoops. You pay for expensive dates, you stay up all night even when you have work tomorrow for trans-Atlantic phone calls- rendering you useless at work.  You find yourself willing to swim through the Styx River in Hades if that is what it takes.

But this really truly begs the question.  When do you call it quits in the game of getting someone to date you exclusively?

Does the patient dog always get the fattest bone when it comes to matters of the heart?

Or is that just an age old adage that is inapplicable in this 21^st century speed of light fast dating world?

I tweeted about this last night (and no, I would not be plugging my twitter account on here), and concluded that we all need to make better choices, with our heads. For our sanity and for the sanity of the friends who are forced to listen to your complains- repeatedly.

Leke however tweeted back at me regarding the issue, “You’ve got to know when to hold them, you’ve got to know when to fold them, you’ve got to know when to walk away and know when to run.

I agree. Wholeheartedly.

Holidays, English breakfasts and Crossing thresholds.

MIAMI was everything I expected it to be and more.

I had to restrain myself from putting up all the photos on the internet.

But I did put up some.

It was such an amazing time, would definitely be going back.

Also- NEVER EVER EVER FLY DELTA.
Ever.

Even if your life depended on it.
especially if your life depends on it.
They would screw you over in massive proportions.
I know this first hand.


I have found that I hate english breakfasts.

Although I love everything individually, I hate everything in a plate.

I am stranger than I envisioned.

You know who have arrived when your aunties talk about sex in front of you like its nothing.

Aunty A- Ah I'm looking for a boyfriend for Omo, but you say she don born again, so e go hard small.

Aunty B- How?

Aunty A- Ah, she no go allow anybody browse. and you know say all these boys of now adays na only browse dem wan do.

Aunty B- Abeg abeg, all these born again people, na dem dey log in pass. dem go just dey log into thier websites anyhow.

Me- Dying of shame/ cringing

And they just went on, so blase like its sex, Ore has sex, ore can listen, contribute and have sex conversations like- its Nothing.

I am back in London. Its Cold and miserable and I have been sleeping like I got bit by a tse tse fly.

Its the miami fever.

But I wont be here for long- I plan to go on a little trip for a while.

asides that- I have been fine. a bit drowsy. thinking of how to get my songs on my ipod to my computer.

If anyone can help me- please get at me.

Thank you.

Validation and friendships.

If you know me in real life,or read my blog or follow me on Twitter and or Instagram.
You must know of my friend Debo.

Debo is worth his weight in Gold bars when it comes to putting things in perspective for me.

I have made certain choices that I believe are relevant for my sanity and as usual, they cause pain for others - I seem to be in the business of doing that these days.

Anyway so I'm talking to Debo and he tells me.

You are a lot of things, but you are not a bad person.

It made my day.

I'm thankful for friends like Debo- he insisted I remained in his life when I wanted to get out many times.

and I honestly LOVE him.

So Debo, I know you do not read this, but thank you. I love you.

And I can not wait to be truly happy because I know that it would bring you happiness too.

Difficult conversations and filthy behavior inducing liquor.

For an aggressive person, I admit my emotional IQ is maybe zero.
which is strange because i'm apparently supposed to be intensely emotional.

For that reason, I hate taking any decisions that would task me emotionally.

not even making decisions. but undertaking any action generally that puts the slightest strain on me emotionally. My Mo is usually to run away. and never deal with the issue. Or throw as much cash at the issue till it goes away. ( if you must know, the former has a higher success rate)

-side bar, I was not always like this- some where along the line I realized that emotions are limited and I started rationing them.

Then I realized the best part of life, People will get down with you whether or not you are emotionally invested. But only as long as it serves them.

That saved me a lot of emotions that I have running around freely now.- which might be the reason for this new bout of insomnia.

Anyways, My friend stopped speaking to me but today ( I acknowledge the part the copious amounts of Hennessy I drank took in this*)  I took the first step to face book message him.

this is what I texted verbatim

" I miss our conversations, lets be friends again, pretty please"

Sometimes, Less is the most.

But only sometimes. Usually I ply on the bullshit. heavily- firm believer in flattery getting me everywhere.

 I think sending out messages like this - border line desperate, painfully honest and setting yourself up for ela of life is a huge part of emotional development for me.

Because sometimes, you come to realize, you owe nobody because you own yourself.- Thank you Wendy

And then ela's don't seem so daunting.

And FYI- he text back, "I guess we can be friends again.... since you asked".

Bingo.

* I hate Hennessy. It is probably the only thing that gets me wasted. So why do I keep putting it in my mouth. I literally get filthy when that thing gets into me- No Bey once.

The best super power

From when I was younger, A trait I had which I should have honed but never did because society said it was wrong- or rather family frowned upon was persuasion.

I have been told by friends and people generally that I am manipulative. and so I kept the powers of persuasion on the back burner.

I just realized that- being able to persuade people to do what you want might not really be the worst thing in the world.

In fact. Dare I say, since I embraced it. It has probably been one of the best personal I have developed in the last  year.

I think women should be encouraged to use skills that come as second nature to them, as opposed to  what the society does and does not frown upon.

That being said- Getting things your way is not everything its hacked out to be.

Trust me- I'm still learning about this.

But I LOVE LOVE LOVE putting my manipulative skills to work. once in a while.

I can not quantify how much fun I am having here.

I Love it. Usually when I go on holidays- I go shopping and then chill.

But the older I've gotten, the theme of my holidays have changed.

I find myself doing more things as opposed to buying more things.

I am not sure how I feel about this yet but- we will see.

New month- new resolutions- new everything. yet same you.

This year is FLYING!