Splurging

But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this word AND IT IS CERTAIN we can carry nothing out.... (1 Timothy 6:6-7)Emphasis all mine

So I have a party this weekend, Why am I so eager to go and get a new outfit?

because I am not content. I have a shit load of clothes to wear, and I will wear one of the many numerous ones I have. I do not want to buy anything again except it is an absolute neccesity.

I always have this weird power tussle in my mind on spoiling myself and just being plain incontended with what I have.

I mean I draw the line at a certain number of things- which are borderline madness such as buying hair at 100 grand a head- There are children in my village whose mothers will bless you forever if you use that money to pay their fees.

so no while I won't do things that ridiculous, I find myself wanting to spoil myself a little. sometimes more than needed( I admit)

Today my sister saw me naked and said " stop sucking belle" I replied- I am pushing it out.

she squealed " it is a lieeeeeeee, your stomach is vanishing sha" she then got up touched it. asked me to suck belle, proded and just generally exclaimed about how I am so skinny now, my body is lithe enough for italian ball room dancing and I should take up the classes.

Me: No Im only trying to lose some belly fat for the party this weekend and the wedding at month end.

her: you sha look very good- please keep it up.

My face could not contain my smile!

I Love when people compliment my body- surely that must be unhealthy as well.

Dont know and I do not care- I need something to stop me from shopping the way I do.

Books from Bookie.

My friend just sent me the most delicious book ever.

Dear 50 shades of grey fans. Imma let yall finish BUT no one does BSDM erotica like black lace.

Anyway.

I just popped over to let you know

1- My current  client is trying to poach me- AS IF.

2- I am a happy bunny- Neww books!

3- I went to the gym this morning- Also a fit bunny!

I will be back with a more decent post on how my weekend went.

By the way I met this 40 something year old hair dresser.

Probably the most agreeable Nigerian male I have ever met.

I am one of the worst peoples' hair to make- My current hair dresser Yinka must be tired of me.

But Baba?

Too sweet. Perfect disposition.

I'm soo accustomed to the abrasive nature of Nigerian men, that this was a pleasant surprise.

However the saloon is in Festac.

I was so horribly drawn to his person. * sigh*


I say horribly  because I am never drawn to anyone. attracted yes. drawn Never.

Plus he started making hair in 1986 when he was wrapping up his stay at yaba tech.

In 1986, I was not even born.

I do not know what kind of person this makes me.

Yesterday was absolutely delish. The lover, his brother, his brothers girl and I all went to visit his mother.

It was such an amazing time. After which we came home and drank wine from the bottle because we were both too comfortable in our postion.

Does that happen to anyone? You find the perfect postion with your lover and refuse to move?

No one? Well just me then.

so we sat there, drinking wine and watching el-classico.

I am team C-Ronaldo just incase anyone is interested.

Its days like yesterday that make me so skeptical about going to school.

I have been thinking about it a lot lately.

Also my birthday is coming.

While I'm not particularly excited- I can not believe it. I am going to be twenty- something!!!

I'm getting so old and I have no millions to show for it yet.

I'm also thinking of going away for my birthday.

Calabar, cotonu, Ghana, togo?

However alone.

Does this make me strange?

I also attended a new church yesterday- However, my spirit did not quite gel with that of the pastor and I have no idea why. Will go by again to see if it was just a fluke or for real. Although I am listening to his tapes and he comes across as hella obnoxious. We'll see.

Anyways I'm still reeling from the excitement from yesterday AND the book from today!

Thank you Bookkie for the book!

You rock, hurry back home so I can pay you back with copious amounts of palm wine and Nkwobi!

Interview

My Uncle runs a logistics company.

While at my house tonight, he decided to gist us about his attempt to hire new drivers at start up.

So him and his manager "Jerry" were at the panel.

1st, he asked the staff to write application.

His received responses varied from

"Ah Oga leave that one abeg, no be by writing person dey drive bus. 10 years don nack I dey drive"

"Oga I can write only 1,2,3"

While some could actually write.

He decided to hire those who could write.

Noting his managers unease with the hiring process, he asked him " Jerry wetin?"

Jerry responded " Oga no be by writing"

Jerry was upset because some of his people* could not write and
Were not being hired.

So my uncle decided to have Jerry ask a few questions when the next applicant came in.

After asking all his questions, he then asked Jerry " Do you have anything you want to ask?"

Jerry then said yes. And took the floor.

Jerry " Name three major pot holes between shagamu and algbasegin"

Applicant : "When you pass shagamu small, then if you move right where the police stand used to be..."

Jerry Interupts " I said Major pot holes"


At this point, everyone erupts in laughter. We can not believe it.

After the applicant leaves, Jerry justifies his actions thus" See Oga, If the driver knows the pot holes are, he can start slowing down before he even sees it. If not the clutch is at risk, the passengers are at risk..."

My uncle says shut up. Ask all the questions you want. I will just be here watching.

Bottom line is this" the drivers who could write were shit. Those who knew the answers to Jerry's stupid questions- excellent drivers"

I do not know if there is a moral to this story.

Anger Management and other cool stories

But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth ( Colosians 3:8 KJV)

Let me tell you what. I have a terrible anger problem.

I did not know this until this morning- Ok that is a lie, I knew it, I just assumed it was impatience.

I hate people that do not have any sense at all.

They irritate me and make me very angry.

Like those people who see everyone on the queue at the toll gate and drive to the front of the queue and shunt it.

What upsets me further are the people who actually let them in.

In retrospect, I should have bought a gun before I even learnt how to drive.

I do not keep malice- That is a lie, I forget people simply existed. I am so skilled at it. If it was someone else with this skill, I would recommend theraphy.

I do not indulge in blasphemy of any kind- or at least I make a conscious effort not too.

Filthy communication- The queen of sexting here. * bows head in shame*

Double innuendos are my forte- I wonder if these count as filthy communication? Who am I kidding, they probably do.

Second my staff has been taken away from me. Second solo audit.

I am not too amused by all this.

I am coming to terms with the lover having a 9-5.

Less bonding time for us, BUT we are making it work and for that I am grateful.

Planning anything is stressful. I'm currently helping her friend plans something and planning a family vacay to Ghana.

You know what is so stressful about all this?

Dealing with people- getting them to pay. even after talking and talking and talking.

Its almost ridiculous. If I had my way, in my next life- I would be a computer enthusiast.

so that my interactions with human beings at the work place would be oh so limited.

The ideal job entails not ever having to work with anyone. Something along the lines of working from home.

Dear Internet, I believe in you, you can do this, make this happen.

I FINALLY finally. fucking finally completed my application for the induction process of  my professional body. Oh lord, I can not wait, to attend the women accountant meeting with my mother in November.


Im sure she cant wait either.

Tomorrow, I have to sort out some running around in the morning.

Then I have a spa date with super star Lover, and lunch afterwards.

I think I want to take anger management classes.

You know what? I am a bloody hypocrite.

I keep harping people about referring to me by my Yoruba name.

Today I spoke to the ex- MD of my current client trying to clear up some issues on the TB and we were on the phone for a while.

When I was about to get off, he said " so will you come and have drinks with me tonight? what is your name?"

And I replied, without blinking and or giving it a second thought, " My Yoruba Name"

and this didn't even occur to me till I got off the phone.

Like this is a clean slate, someone who I do not know from jack, I can make a change right here.

Still, But  Yet- I gave him my Yoruba name.

A rose by any other name is still a rose.  would still smell as sweet.

The rubbish that is this country Nigeria.

I don't know why people keep saying Nigeria will be great.

I'm currently at the filling station. Trying to buy fuel.

And I assure you- this country is not headed for greatness.

Infact. If you can get out. Now will be a good time.

Tell me why this agbalagba* knows his tank is the right side of his car BUT he is on the opposite queue?

Like. I. Can. Not. Fucking. Deal. With Nigerians.


Then this wretched soul of a fool in front of me. Took jerrycan to go and buy fuel. And wasn't in the car when the queue finally moved.

Like I feel the overwhelming urge to walk up to him and spit in his face for being so ridiculously stupid.

I am so seriously irritated. I can not believe this country actually has oil.

I mean this totally defies all logic.

This anger is also as a result of the fact that I wwent to some government office that was supposed to close at 5.

I got there at 4:35pm and turns out all the staff had left- why?

To go and sit in the staff bus.

The staff bus doesn't leave till 5:30.

Like you would rather sit in the bus for an hour than actually do
what you are paid to do?

This foolish person beside me wearing suit that looks like what carpenter made- actually had the guts to try to shunt the queue when it finally moved.

Offcourse I told him off. From the bus drivers Yes.

But fromyou who is educated- because I am sure you are coming from work. I won't take such retarded behaviour.

Best believe I gave him an earful of all. And some extra.

Its because of idiots like him that I'm advising people to jump ship.

Its people like the wretched soul in the red mitsubishi that I hate driving in Lagos.

People these are the people whose evil can not be over come with good. But a greater kind of evil.

Probably 20 strokes of cane.

Nonsense.



Agbalagba* - Old person in Yoruba. Usually used to describe someone who is engaging in a shameless act.
This word is perfect, because most Yoruba older men are lacking in shame.

Addictions & Nicotine Patches

For if any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally...( James 1:5a KJV)

I am addicted to online shopping.

HELP!

I have a party on saturday and I have spent the whole morning scouring the internet looking for what site to devour me- in a bid to find the perfect out fit.

and hair style and what have you.

I wonder why people hire stylists when the internet is readily available.

For my people perish for lack of knowledge.

Anyway this is a cry for help.

I closely contemplating cutting up my card- as I spend too much from it

I am practically a debit card ninja- swiping away and typing away my card number at ever given opportunity I get.

Its horrible.

If it is so horrible- tell me why I wont stop?

I rationalize the buying by telling myself- i work so hard- I should spoil myself.

Which I should- BUT at the same time I am a strong disciple of delayed gratification.

I am addicted to Online shopping FROM ASOS!!!!

And plastic payment.

This whole cashless movement is pretty much gonna wreck me very soon.

Other things

This weekend was good.

It was long and filled with me doing abso fucking lutely nothing.

and I loved it.

In my new obsession- List making of pro's and cons.

Top five reasons why I want to lose weight.

5- New clothes. Drop sizes buy new clothes-  because slimfitting clothes is soooo last year.

4- So everyone at the gym fawns over me and reminds me how I am so beautiful, I shouldn't be there - because I am an attention whore.

3- For comments like this " OH my God, are you losing weight"- still an attention whore

2- To enable me respond to above comments like this " I'd Better be!, with all the hours I'm spending in the damn gym!"- even though I'm probably the most IN-consistent person that goes there.

1- So that when I parallel park perfectly (which I do perfectly 10 times out of 10) and I open the door and the space is too tiny, I can squeeze myself out of the car-  as opposed to climbing out through the passenger seat totally gracelessly. Not Like it has ever happened to me, I just see people doing shit like that.




Top 5 reasons why I hate driving.

5- People see you trafficating* and speed up, or worse flash their headlamps almost as if telling you not to think about it. and I'm thinking Nigga please, I do not even trust your brakes enough to risk this.

4- Merging Lanes- If you have ever been in traffic from third mainland bridge and entering kingsway road.
five  lanes into two lanes you are bound to encounter idiots.

3- Horns- Nigerians are constantly in a competiton they are unaware off. Who can toot thier horn the loudest. Both figuratively and literally. Like Nigga the light is red, can you stop leaning on the damn horn.

2- Okada Men- These are the vermin of roads. On the food chain of vehicles, they rank lower than pedestrians. And it doesn't help that they drive like they have 9 lives. until you hit one of them, and all the relatives swarm you like flies following shit.

1- Traffic- In Lagos, Traffic is the bane of my existence. Everywhere I go, Traffic abounds. I. Can. Not. fucking. DEAL!

Oh I got promoted on friday- Only in my firm would they post promotion list, at 6:30pm on a friday, when COB is 5pm.  Just screams sketchy. Anyway, I did not get the double promotion I wanted. So I was pretty disappointed.

I told my mother and she replied " he makes everything beautiful in his own time"- Super Woman stance yo!

I did not exactly feel better, just not as bitter as I should have been. I was bitter because I had pretty much finished spending double promotion salary next month in my head  deserved it.

Anyways- What has been up with you people?

I hate being so indecisive. What would I do to my hair?