Unhappy

I hate how unhappy Men make women feel sometimes.

I loathe it.

And it saddens me.

The Notebook

yes yes i agree i am lifting the heavier last on this issue.

Oyinkan is carrying the most sha, because she still hasnt seen the movie.

Today at work, i got bored and decided to watch the note book.

Since my bladder is behind my eyes- all my gangster went away.

i cried and cried and cried. someone would think i got fired.

:(

It was just so sad. and sweet and the kind of love that i now know for a fact probably doesnt exist.

but im so impressionable, i really should refrain from watching these movies.

they screw up my love psyche.

not like i even have a love psyche or anything. they just help you built castles in the air about certain things that make you forget about your own bungalow that is on the ground jejely.

Need to fight that.

All men are the same, no good men, no bad men.

Just good women.

I havent been married before, BUT i have received enough martial advice in the last one year from every woman ( both married, unmarried, divorced, seprated, second wife, sade okoya-esque wife) in my line of sight to come to this conclusion.

I know when people have issues. Im not stupid and i dont pretend to act like they dont.

I am that person, who is probably not your friend, but would listen to you when you literally have no one else to talk to.

Because i am Honest. i am that one person who has no problem pointing out the fact that you are a side chick. or that you are doing something wrong.

However i am not strong enough i have never been to say get out of that relationship, or you deserve better. ( mainly because only you knows what you deserve)

i had previously mentioned how i cant not run my mouth when it comes to trifling men abi?

ehn the same way i cant not just want to reach out and hug some one who i know is in pain because i can.

Maybe this is my calling.

I have so much to be thankful for

1. i wore a red belt today AND my senior or manager didnt come in today.

violating dress codes arent healthy.

2. My lover and i were supposed to go out to dinner today, but i dont know if i want to eat out tonight.

3. My weave is really nice ive been checking the internet for it soo tayyy. still havent found it.

4. My birthday party, or rather my birthday. i turn 2* this year. *gasp*

i am getting old. however i dont know if i want to have a party or dinner or come chop or sthg at home.

i have too many friends in too many circles( read as different clique of girls that loathe each other) so having like a birthday dinner would be waaay too expensive.

A house party is seriously being considered, although my birthday is on a weekday AND i dont understand people that have parties like on days that arent their birthdays. like whats the point?

The mother dearest has offered to take me out to chinese, i dont know if i should just take the money and be on my way.

although i have been itching for an ikoyi club party at the pool for ages.

i know eventually i would do nothing all day but collect presents.

lol.

By the way i saw that lay it on me video. kelly's body be banging yooo.

I was a skinny rat all my life till like the last 2 years where i miraculously filled out in all the right ( ass, boobs and thighs) and wrong ( stomach and arms) places.

so i have now become a gym rat trying to some how lose the belly and arms without loosing the yansh.

basically this is proving a lot more difficult than i envisioned. i would choose curvy me over skinny me, anytime. the male attention is over-whelming,

this may be one of the reasons. but i really like that i can make my booty clap and wear jeggins and have people being extra helpful.

I dont know what kind of person this makes me, but i like it.

Bu

OMG But you are sooooo Dark.

I giggle and reply, i've never been a light person- what are you on about?

Whenever i meet people for the 1st time, especially females, They comment on my skin shade.

They say " you are quite dark o"

I find it amusing. Ive never been Light skinned, so i dont understand their shock.

Maybe i seem/ speak/come across like a light person.

The same way people cant believe im tall.

Or cant believe im not a size 16- With the way i go on and on about my weight.

My point is this, Nothing is wrong with being dark.

especially if you have really bad skin like yours truly.

But Whenever i see some dark sinned people bleach themselves

Im confused.

There was this girl in my Uni MRS, in year 1 she was probably as dark as me.

Now she is probably as light as Nadia Buari.

I saw her naked the other day and was disgusted.

Green and red veins criss crossed, back of her knees

Blackened knuckles

Black stretch marks

She looked a mess and a half.

Is bleaching worth it?

Do girls really feel not beautiful because they are dark skinned?

Would i feel more beautiful If i was light skinned?

No. I would feel extremely beautiful if i had clear skin.

So yesterday at the party i Deejay'd for, i was a bit late due to other stuff.

Thats how My uncle said i could make some extra cash on the side with this DJ gig.

I said oh no thank you.

Uncle Reggie( one of my Uncles friends) said: E be like say your guy they sort you out well. pepper rest for the guy hand abi? *

Uncle CY laughed and said no mind these ones, them no dey pay rent.

I like hanging out with them. they are sooo street. and they all turned out so well.

Its just a testimony to the fact that you can be dirt poor and turn yourself around**

So I also got saddled with Taking someone out this weekend. so whoohoo to friday and drinks!!

Gats Ginger Debo.

Oh and i did tell My mum about the Incident at the club.

She said all Men are useless.

* Because my mother is from warri, we always speak pidgin whenever her siblings are around.

** My Mother grew up dirt poor. Like one room with seven children kinda poor.

Questions People Ask.

What would you do if your Lover left you?

Answer:

I dont know. i have never considered him leaving me.

Because i wouldnt know what to do.

But im sure i would be fine.

- I dont think thats what most people want to hear.

They want tears, and hate and anger and whatever.

I tell myself and them, " its a great relationship, if he wants out, there is nothing i can do about it"

Nothing i'd even want to do about it.

They think i'm mad. hell even i think im mad sometimes.

But hey, Loves makes you mad. No?

I see people wanting to be happy with SO's. thirsty and needy.

I tell them they all need " the business".

If you are unhappy with yourself, somebody else cant bring you happiness.

Even if they were mother theresa. You'd still be sad.

I think Self love should be a course in University/ies. too many people walking around with issues that stem from nothing.

Like they are in some damn tyler perry movie.

being overtly dramatic, all because they lack self love.

What i've learnt.

Relationships are hardwork.

Probably the hardest thing for someone like me, who has always had her way.

Compromise, Probably the 2nd hardest.

Being alone, the third.

Thats why you gatta have your own thing. so When you have to be alone, because he wants to watch football with his friends, you dont die of paranoia.

You have to be patient, lots and lots of patience, Not everyone would know how to Love you- Which is why you muct know how to lovw your self.

Albert E- If you cant explain it, then you dont understand it.

If you dont know how to love yourself, You cant teach anybody how to love you.

Which is sad, because you have just one mother, you gatta teach everyone else how to love/treat you. especially the one person who you are with most of your waking hours.

You have to let go. no point holding back- if it doesnt work out. It didnt work out.

Dust yourself up and try again.

And for fucks sake smile- You arent hawking Akara under ikeja Bridge.

( I should take this advise, Im always squeezing my face like somebody they gave shit to eat).

_______________________________________________________

I went into work today and this Manager, asked me for my Number,

He said he had missed me.

I swear i must be like an Aristo Magnet or something.

Tbh that shit freaks me out.

Why are you missing a random staff in your firm that you have never worked with?

Older men that chase younger women, lack self respect. looking for validation with a Younger woman would only make you broke.

AND, even if you gat it, Deeep down inside you know its tricking.

so I managed to leave the office without giving him my number.

But i know he wont stop till he gets it.

I hate how men cant channel the persistence they use to chase women who are offlimits into something productive.

We live in scary times.

My friend Asake- who i met through this blog and also twitter. but mainly through this blog.

Is best friends with one of my Lovers Ex's.

Just when you think you know- Life throws you a curve ball.

She( Asake) is cool about it tho- i tease her all the time about having conflict of interests.

She also happens to be writing ALMIGHTY ICAN next month.

yall remeber when i was writing that nasty Exam. I pray for her. for courage and resilience

professional exams drain one. in all sorts of ways.

Shit im rambling.

Ok.

Last night a deejay...

Or rather tomorrow night a Dj would save mylife.

so my uncle is having a party tomorrow for his friend at his house,

and asked me to dj.

this isnt odd, seeing as every year i do it for all the family parties we have in the village.

AND I KILL IT YOOOO.

every single year.

simply because i know what they like/want and i've beeen doing it forever.

so i went over first to get song samples and drop my oldies playlist and i shall be running late, and i shall spend most of my tomorrrow downloading shalamar.

who or whatever shalamar is.

i dunno why family wait last minute to ask you favours.

Enough about tomorrow.

Today.

i think i am going to face disciplinary action at the club, for speeding and one way driving.

In my defense, they need to sort out their parking lot issues.

And the security didnt even report the case o.

it was one man, who had previously seen me at the gym AND offered me 100k if i was able to lose weight in 5 weeks.

( I lied to him that i had a wedding when he asked me what i was doing at the gym, and had 2 drop a dress size because i pre-ordered my dress)

and since then said man has been trying to strike up conversation.

now im not one to be rude to people trying to make conversation at the gym, i mean, we all haave a common enemy (fat) and MOST of us share the same goal( lose weight)

While the others just basically come to meet the opposite sex.

as i was saying, i dont mind people trying to start random conversations at the gym,

actually thats a lie, i have watched enough porn to know that conversations in the gym always lead to dp gangbang sessions. and shit.

so no Mr Pot bellied, my fathers age mate man, i do not want to be "your friend" or receive encouragement from you via cash to lose weight.

Anyways since i am a junior member, i wonder IF my mothe would get suspended.

im too scared to tell her.

actually seeing as i am the only one that actually goes to the damn club, she'd probably be like.

"thank God you can stop trying to lose weight now and be fat"

lol.

now onto two other things a la Simon kolawole style.

Wrecking Relationships.

I've always been unable to not tell a girl when her man is stepping out on her.

I just cant not. I feel like God wont forgive me.

I also think its unfair.

Irrespective what most girls say, they actually dont want to know.

and it just wrecks the relationships.

The mother dearest

is having her bathroom remodelled and hence has 2 share a bathroom with me.

I wont even mention how many times she has shrieked my name only for me to find out how"appalled" she is by how clustered my bath is, she cant believe that i use all these variations of black soap.

and how many times she has reminded me that i would soon marry and go to my husbands house.

is this how i plan to disgrace her? Tufia.*

so yes while i await for RIM to get their act together, i shall continue to comb the internet for cheap Blackberry 9900's.

if you know who has one for cheap. hallate your gal.

My Lover

My lover is probably one of the best things to happen to me.

and i am someone who a lot of good things have happened to.

I think i must have been extra good in my past life,

that God decided to reward me and bless me with him.

I am thankful, each and everyday i spend with him

for him, for what i have with him, and for who i have become with him.

I am also thankful for the fights, the rough patches and the tears.

somehow all that makes all of this worth it.

he is a good man. and i appreciate that.

although we do not see eye to eye on some things, actually make that many things

he has always always been there for me.

and i am truly thankful.

Obviously i did something right in my past life,

God decided i deserved the best and

gave me the best.

My birthday wishlist

Amongst other things.

no need to doodle about here, lets get straight to the point shall we?

yes.

1. Ipod speakers.

I'm such a cheap skate, i've wanted these forever and yet i have been unable to buy myself one.

and i'd love to be able to play music loud from my speakerrrrsssss.

when i get one.

2. Earphones.

Preferably skull candy. but i"ll accept beats by dre, panasonic, sony and what not.

I just fucking need earphones.

As usual, the last earphones were a surprise gift.

which i was totally grateful for.

3.Blackberry bold 9900.

I want this. actually make that need.

this phone just reeks of sexy-ness. too sleek.

I love it.

Been combing the internet looking for a cheap one.

and i never comb the internet for gadgets.

4. Body Magic.

yes. you read right. actually in place of this i would take a cheque made out to my personal trainer for 6 months.

5. the boyfriend watch

long. before the era of boyfriend everythings, blazers, jeans. and waistcoats and shit.

i've always wanted the boyfriend toy watch

its actually my display picture on here. i love it.

6. Wii controllers in Red

Along with Mario kart, just dance and the Michael jackson this is it games. i got my console from the UK so im not too sure, if its NTSC or PAL? but just ask before you buy it.

actually i just want one controller. and it must have the added senstivity bit at the bottom. ( dont remember what its called)

7. Mac cosmetics

Im really dark, so eyeshadow, blush and powder in the range of someone who uses NW45 powder.

8. Pure gold jewellery.

( that spelling of jewellery looks a bit off)

i want white gold plain neck lace. and bracelet.

i also want a yellow gold neck and belly chain interconnected chain.- saw it in one rihanna picture. it looked stunning.

9.A carton of Alize.

I like to drink- socially offcourse, and i like to drink alize. both socially AND anti-socially. ( if that is the opposite of socially). so i want a carton that i can drink when ive had a bad day.

i would also accept a half a carton of Red muscadel and 5 bottles of Cafe patron in case of the carton.

10.Round trip ticket to firenze, dubai, NY, Londres.

i think that last bit was self explanatory. would use any airline asides "air afriquyah"

that airline is what the devil uses to bring the souls that he was won drown from earth to the bottom-less pit of hell.

side bar- i have missed blogging, so much has happened in these past 2 weeks, swift networks didnt allow me share.

would talk about them later.

OH MY BIRTHDAY IS NOVEMBER 2ND.

i just realized i didnt say the date.