Life lately & a Divinely Helped September

 Before I get into it, Pj ( aka my husband) wants to give away the dogs because they shed so much. 

Insert the meme of the woman crying in court about her husband. I'm in severe pains.

My heart can not take it, but I get it. :(

Anyway, I'm sure he is just saying that because I don't work from home and he is with them all day.

Be that as it may, I am happy flourishing and spending as much time as I can with them because if they leave then all I will be left with are memories.

the housecleaner came yesterday and she cleaned the house so well that even after I hosted people when I showered & settled into bed I sighed a huge sigh of happiness and gratitude. The house was clean, the dogs were, walked, fed & sleeping at the foot of the bed. my lava lamp was gently illuminating the room, the candle- that I repotted & burnt for 4 hours lent a scent to the space, as I laid my showered body onto the bed, I sighed and thought, can it get better than this?

and I said it can but this is pretty damn good. 

Off course I woke up late today but I went to bed very happy.

I love my life and I am now ready to relocate. Canada we are coming.

Also I partook in a 28day writing challenge and it was soo good I did not write the last day because I did not want it to end but I'm so proud of myself, and It just showed how important having some community accountability is in meeting set goals. 

I am definately taking that lesson into this next phase of my life.

I hope you all are having a good time!

and Happy new Month

Influence of Geography

 Stream of consciousness/ random rambling spurred by an insignificant happening that is now making me curious as to how much of your actions are influenced by what is acceptable in the area in which you find yourself living?

I have a non Nigerian friend who moved to Nigeria and I met randomly on a night out and we hit it off, anyway fast forward to drinks and her swearing vehemently about how she could never and scoffing at all the Lagos girls frockling with married men- because where she was from such things are frowned upon.

Fast-forward to 3 months later, she is telling about how she wants to go on vacation with a married man she has been seeing on , but her friends from her home country are telling her its wrong and Nigeria has changed her.

Her defence? They are not here, they do not see everyone doing it. When she asked me, I told her, in Nigeria, it is not a big deal, but you are not Nigerian so you might struggle so reconcile your actions with what you have been taught is the right way to be/ do things.

Anyway what is it about Nigeria that makes people lean into grey area's more than they would have if they lived anywhere else in the world? And it is not just the women with married men, its the Married men who come back here from the West and act so out of turn, I find it mildly amusing, but I am also slightly concerned because I know what erosion of a person's moral fibre can do to a person.

My friend thanked me for not judging her, and I was like- girl get in line. However, on the vacay she did not act like Nigerian girls and do one or two cryptic posts and call it a day, instead she has content for days and reels speaking about #softlife and blessings, and now I'm like girl rest.

Is there a way things are done in a place that make you adopt their practices whether or not they are at odds with your personal values? 

and why is Nigeria so prone to making people swing so far out and not recognize themselves? 

Also, is this something that people coming to Nigeria should be aware/wary of?

Currently

Reading

ALL THE GRAYMAN BOOKS. Honestly I have not been so sucked into a series like this since maybe The Coroman strike series. I absolutely LOVED That. But this, I adore it so much.

Last week someone asked me how I could manage to read so much, and I was like- what? I enjoy it so much I even run an online book club where I pick a book every month and we discuss it. Its such a great way to get people to read.

Listening

TO THIS SONG NON STOP. Its absolutely crazy how much I love it. 

Cobams is a musical genuis. I actually really like him. I remember an interview of his I listened to, where he said, sometimes sight can be distracting. That his wife may go into a store at the airport to get ONE thing and come out with stuff she didn't plan for and that really struck me as profound. If there is anyone in the music industry I'd love to see uber sucessful. It's him.

Send down fire, bless my ota

Give them long life to see me prosper

Make dem see say me I no dey suffer again

Watching

Actually just finished watching the Strike series, Its an adapation of the Coromon strike series written by JK rowling using a pseudonym. It was done by BBC one and I watched it using the Amazon Fire stick. It was so so good. British TV seems more intentional and less showy than American TV. cant explain it. Anyway if you ware looking for something great to watch, it is a mini series, so ranges from 3-4 episodes per season like sherlock and its great. Also use subtitles because the accent get as e be.

Thinking

About how all my life in Lagos, I've been experiencing fuel queues. Also about how because all of my friends have relocated I either have to make new friends ( Yuck), fly to see them often ( wahala) or move myself ( sigh). God has to punish Buhari for me, its awful, my friends kid turned 1 and I haven't even set eyes on her. How can this be life?

I think about it so much and I hate that I think about it so much.

Wondering

If my stoic approach to most of my relationships makes it difficult for people to accept that I am mostly unrufflable. I also wonder if being the go to person in my family taught me very early that people mostly do not change and relying on myself is a good way to go. ALSO wondering if this has dulled my need to tussle.

I wonder- actually I know that most of them HATE that I let things go very easily- offences AND relationships. So I wonder if its almost like they are always walking on thin ice with me. Like yes she will forgive me, but is this the one that will make her drop me?

Who knows these things

Manifesting

A new life in a new country with my family.

Reconciliation with my cousins, I can't think of a heart break worse than my cousins not speaking to me. And to think the crux of the issue was a fight our parents had. LOL ( but its not really funny)

Laughing

Mostly about the CBA attitude I am serving at work. Honestly lately I can not be arsed about anything work related.

I need time off

Planning

A bridal shower. And wondering what the fuck is this even about? how does this even make any sense.

But planning it anyway because- THAT IS WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR.

My next Holiday- because what else to do except look forward to a big trip

Mulling

over the phrase "That is what friends are for" and wondering if it is giving doormat.

over if getting NDLEA clearance makes any sense. 

over why more Nigerians do not document visa struggles as much as the experience. 

Loving/Enjoying

My latest manicure. 

It is absolutely divine. 

My latest fashion nova haul that took 10 days to get to me from the US. OKAY Global village

Still Enjoying

Being a dog mom. And people say people can't change. Ha!

Weekend for the books

 The weekend that just passed was so lovely.

On friday I went by my friend's airbnb to pick up wedding access cards for his wedding the next day at oriental. 

On saturday morning, it was raining so I took the car to the mechanic to do some body work, the power came back just as I arrived home so I quickly vacuumed the flat instead of sweeping because I wanted to mop the house.

Because we have dogs, more frequent vacuuming and moping of the flat means that the floor stays sand free and it smells fresh. Although I think one of the dogs reacts to the bleach I use to do the final re-mop.

Anyway just as I had finished vacuuming Nepa took the light and I mopped and took a nap.

I called my tailor at least 50 times on saturday, she did not pick up. 

Power came back and we started watching strike in the living room. while the dogs napped.

I made Tomatoe based pasta with tuna and mushrooms and paired it with Red wine. Pj said " You have a way of turning everything into a special occasion" . I agreed. No point waiting for the best day to do things when you can just enjoy the things now, everyday you are alive is a special occassion.

The mechanic finally called us to get the car, so we went to get it, then came home & got ready for the wedding.

Went to the wedding then came home at past 12 and washed my face.

Sunday

We had susages and stir fried veggies with buttered cous cous. I hardly ever cook so when I do, PJ is slightly aroused & very amused at how good it tastes. You'd think being a Nigerian babe I'd cook more for my husband. BUT LOL, The less I see of a kitchen- any kitchen the happier I am.

Anyway, we ate, watched some strike, Nepa took light so we just fooled around playing with the dogs in the flat and then I got dressed for my friends Bridal Brunch.

One of my friends is getting married in September and has asked that I be on the train, as a matter of personal principle, I don't do bridesmaids. But I am more than happy to be your chief whip to get your girls ready for the day. I'm more than happy to miss the church service and I am more than ecstatic to show up late but to fully support you in all the ways that matter so your wedding can be an instagram show down, If that is your hearts desire.

Anyway bridal brunch was great from there we went to see sunday lunch at my in laws place where our dogs ran away on more than one occassion and we forgot our take away.

After catching the dogs, and since the link road to VI from the mainland is closed, we decided to pass Yaba and then stop at my Father in laws house.

Great time catching up with Alhaji as I call him. Loads of teasing and he has just started gardening so we talk shop about flowers and plants and the magic of growing things with our hands.

We return home and send an uber for the food we forgot at Sunday Lunch. Before the food comes we settle in season 2 of Strike and we fall asleep on the couch.

When I finally wake up to pee at 2 in the morning, the dogs are sleeping on me and PJ has moved to the bedroom.

I think a lot about all the things that are good in Nigeria and how much of them I'd be able to take away when I eventually leave the country. And I am slightly concerned that I won't be able to take a lot away.

The long weekend is coming up and I had planned to visit a city in the neighbouring state but since the shoot out at the church in a close by state, I'm rethinking my plans.

Nigeria is really a strange country. 

Everyday my mind is made up even further to leave.

 

Mothers day

 It's clear how I feel about having children, but it is so strange because I absolutely adore my dogs.

I love having them around even though the wahala is too much and because of them I sometimes feel like I never stop working. because I come home after a long day of work and then I have to attend to them because my husband has been with them all day and so he can get a breather.

And whenever I want to whine about it I remember women who have actual children and can't afford to be tired.

Honestly the UX of children leaves a lot to be desired.

I think one of the hardest parts about raising children is how no matter how terrible they are you are stuck with them for life. LOL

Anyway my uncle keeps telling me I did not want dogs and now I have two I love, maybe it'll be the same for kids.

And I'm like- can I board my child when I go away for the week?

*crickets*

Anyway happy mothers day to all the momma's in the building. I hope you realize that you people are doing the lords work and should be handsomely rewarded for it.

Currently

 Listening

To non stop Sungba and Omo Ope. by Asake. My friend vanessa thinks he has a certain sexy je ne sais quoi, and honestly after watching the Sunga video a total number of uncountable times, I'm forced to admit she is absolutely correct. The way he caught the stack at 0:35 seconds. Whoever cut the video did such a fantasic job because, that shit was sexy AF.

Wondering

How the hell Olamide discovers these acts and how he is able to nurture them so decently and not eclipse them with his ego and greatness, I mean YBNL has churned out Adekunle Gold, Fireboy and now Asake. That man has the midas touch.

Reading

Nothing for leisure and it shows, but I have queued up the Pakistani retelling of pride & prejudice to read this weekend although I have a ton of work and a birthday party at home because my niece is 3!!! it was just yesterday I went to yankee to look after her- but still will be nice to be able to read something.

Contemplating  

The state of Nigeria and just saying, it is well o.

ALSO CONTEMPLATING GOING FOR CARNIVAL IN 2023.

also seriously contemplating taking my husbands last name, but logistically its a Nightmare. and I really like my own name but I have double barelling. Women really go through it.

Alsooooo thinking of asking my boss for a raise. Because I dey work die.

Enjoying

Being a dog mum. I can not bloody believe I have TWO dogs. They are really the best thing except they shed so BLOODY MUCH. It's sickening. there is dog hair everywhere. I am considering giving them one of those non shed potions. But I really really really enjoy having them.

Being married.  Honestly it makes sense why the first one did not work. It simply could not have.

That's about it.

Hope you are well, I am also looking forward to the public holiday next week and in May as well!!!

Thanksgiving and Life lately

 The randomest thing happened to my household last night.

The former help in our house came with a team of armed robbers to attack the house.

Fortunately he was apprehended and is going to jail for life with an attempted murder charge.

My mother is obviously so shaken up, and more than that deeply disappointed and also seriously considering what she did wrong, and I keep telling her nothing but she does not believe.

Its rough. But we had a thanksgiving, and we have gone to court, so its over and done with.

And frankly crazy.

Lately I've been feeling the need to learn how to sew.

I love clothes and I'm ready to get serious with it to be honest.

So maybe a weekend class?

Who knows? but I am ready sha.

Whenever lent comes, I get so introspective, It is probably the best time for me to plan the whole year.

or at least my travel for the whole year...

Be that as it may..... we have a short list:

Jamaica- Yes again, I know but I love it so sorry

New York- Because Jamaica commute

Dubai- Because why not

India- Because I have a conference AND hello Taj Mahal

Rwanda- Because I have a wedding I can not afford to miss

Honestly I am very happy with that list, also might make a quick trip to porto novo to do the luxury lodge here so I'm hoping and praying that it comes through, maybe a girls trip or maybe a wellness trip? the lodge sleeps 6 and honestly it'll be nice to get away. but we'll see.

Asides these I can not believe it is April ALREADY!

This year is FLYING.

and I'm ready to start flying too. I'm feeling overwhelmed with gratitude & happiness. :)

On life moving forward whether or not we want it to.

 If you have read this blog long enough, you'd know my mother raised me and my siblings.

You'd also know my father has his new family and he did not look after my siblings and I.

My father who I have seen a grand total of maybe 6 times since he left my family randomly when I was 9, is now very ill.

My brother, not my blood brother, but my fathers child from another woman who happens to be older than my sister & we found out about on facebook in 2004 when we went on a family holiday to Atlanta, has been messaging me to update me on the status on his health.

It is so crazy how little there is to life.

How when you make your bed, you have to lie in it.

Honestly I did not think I cared so much about my father, till I felt tears prickle behind my eyes listening to the voice note my brother sent about his situation.

Ah well.

What I am deciding to learn in 2022

 is to receive things that come easily.

I'm working on a mindset shift from working tooth and nail ( which is not a bad thing o), it is just that I am enjoying significantly the restful state of having things done for me and being able to receive them with a clear mind instead of thinking of how to repay the person.

The thought that if someone does something for you, you MUST repay them is absurd, because the world is the world and who knows what channels you had given into that will bring you the blessings you seek?

Pre-empting learning to receive comes with letting God have the final say and for someone who is a proclaimed go getting self starting hardworking do it myself babe, it has not been as easy as I anticipated to let go of the reins, but the ease. WHEWWWWW.

Also I'm learning to receive assistance from people who I have once helped and want to give me something in return, prior I'd have brushed it off but now I'm like - why yes you can.

I have really enjoyed a life that has been relatively easy but lately these last few weeks have me really considering a deeper rest.

Intense receiving from the universe

inspecting and observing and really interrogating my relationship with certain things and actually deciding and believing that all the things I desire are necessities not just add on, and that all the things are available to me.

That being said I am really looking forward to receiving big things in 2022!

Lent 2022

 One thing that heralds lent is the end of Carnival. 

I know, I know.

Carnival is back in 2023 and I am very excited. Be that as it may, lent is here now and for the 40 odd days I have grand plans.

The most important is to watch what I say, while I have always been positive generally I am now even more committed to saying only the best things about myself.

I am finding that the more I speak positively about myself and my life, the better it gets.

The second thing I am committing to this lent is to speak positively about everyone I encounter, my hope is that God continues to give me the grace to do this

The 3rd thing I am committing to is heavily visioning of what I want my life to look like in the near future. It is great now, but I am aiming for exceedingly and abundantly more that is perfect for me.

For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned- Matt 12:37

I will medidate on a couple of bible verses through out this lenten season and by the end of the period I should have a solid sheet of affirmations culled from the exercise.

I am learning to be specific in my desires and I am very happy with the out come.

Happy Ash Wednesday.

Thank God its February

 Because January Sucked Ass.

It was an awful awful month. well not really awful, but I experienced such dissapointment that it has thrown me off and I'm grappling to get my life back on track.

First I did not get my Visa so I could not attend my residency. And I did not think I will be that dissappointed. Honestly the level of disappointment shocked and continues to shock me.

That visa rejection made me know at the back of my mind that I need to start my second passport journey with immediate alacrity. Can I write from lagos? yes, will the quality be the same- who knows?

Actually I know, and because I know I am mad irritated, can you believe that I was the only one who could not attend because I did not get the visa, hello 3rd world country.

I do not think I have been this upset in my whole life, It is seeping into everything, literally its been weeks and I'm still so snappy and I cant seem to snap out of it.

That being said, Thank God it is a new month, its so strange being so grouchy. Writing this makes me realize it is ONE thing that sucked in January and I've allowed it taint the whole month.

OMG another terrible thing happened and I am fasting & Praying to turn it around. Honestly cant wait for Halleuyah Challenge to come so I can get what I'm asking for. Hopefully I get the thing I was asking for, because lord knows I need a miracle.

On the upside something good happened to me in January, I was able to capture for my passport. in a week, everyone knows the madness of Nigerian passport office now.

And even more lush, is the news that Drop Box is BACK BITCHES. So that means Imma get a new passport and A NEW  american visa and I will apply for my Uk visa too.

I am very excited about those, since the world is now treating covid like a flu,means I will be able to get back into seeing the world.

Anyway I am hoping that february sees me actualizing my goals for 2022 because as the good book says, better the end of a matter than the beginning there of, alsoooooooooooooo

on my 2022 to do remains to get my book written and published, set up a site for my writing & social commentary career, physically move every day of the week [ or maybe 3] yet to decide and finally GO BACK TO THE PIANO.

I swear my to do every year has been the same for years. TBH this year the only thing I know for certain is that I'm learning crypto and I'm relocating.

Hopefully all my other goals get met.

But I am still looking for how to shake off the disappointment in my soul.

Also my cousins cut my siblings and I off because of some family drama and I'm just now realizing how sad I am about that. It sucks

On the upside, I now have two dogs.

Well we had to get a second dog because the first one was hella bored. and getting him potty trained HAS BEEN SOMETHING, at least now he is no longer shitting indoors.

Butttttttttttttttttttt, I love those two animals very very very much, I just need to invest in a lint roller. Ha

Happy 2022. I hope it goes splendidly and we get all our heart desires.