Sunday, December 27, 2015

More general updates

So I'm blogging from my iPhone because too warm in my bed to get up to my laptop 3 steps away. 
Forgive me.

Turns out the client I had, said they were closing for the year which means I've been out of work for 5 days *dancing*
I've been partying like no tomorrow 

And let me tell you?

That life style is NOT SUSTAINABLE.

Ah least not for me. I'm cranky, Tired and constantly buying food for my husband because too tired to cook.

Also haven't showered in 2 days.


But yah.
Looking for an affordable nail place in Lagos.

I need to get back on that Gel nail tip Abeg.
My nails are already chipping.

Went to a salon in VI, and they said 3k5. To do my nails with my own polish.

I just carried my legs to downtown.
Who did it for 1k( hand and leg)
I should in all fairness do a full year review but since phone and can't see the actual post where I made plans- that may have to come later.

Meanwhile let me tell you. This year has been amazing.

Sometimes, I've been upset but generally , it's been a solid year and I have so much to be thankful for.

Top of the list is my family. I got added to a new family, and they have been so so so accommodating- 
life marriage major Key 🔑🔑🔑
Marry a man whose mothe has all boys 

They don't want you to know this, because they don't want you having nice things - BUT, if you follow me on the path to more success- your mother in law will ply you with the nicest things. #LAIOOOOOOON.

Shout out to Khaled. You should be following him on snap chat.

But really. Speaking of marriages- another couple I introduced to each other got engaged this year.

Time to open my side hook up business or nah? 

All the weave I bought from Ali express  was too amazing. 

2015 was also a huge year of learning for me.
1- if you have curly weave you need to pack it forwar and wear hair net to sleep . 
That way your curls bounce back tomorrow.

2- long nails will cut you in your vagina.

Nobody told me after cutting myself twice ( okay maybe my husband told me) when washing my vagina to reduce the length of my right hand. I mean it's long but isn't cutting so much. Although I think he wanted shorter nails because I've scratched his back to finish.

3- pay your tithe. ( I'm hoping this is self explanatory)  this is something I struggled with, but next year I've told God to arrest me daily. For every month I receive money and not pay tithe.

Since I don't have a fixed church. Anywhere I find myself worshipping. I pay there.

I also want to give more. And borrow money out less.

Which brings us to four 
4- neither a lender nor a borrower be.

Onigbeses are too plenty in Lagos. DONT borrow people money. I've learnt .
Only money I can forget about. Is the only money I'm borrowing out.

5- stop judging people.
Woke up and found that I had morphed into a you can not greet Aunty.

Look yeah - if you enter a place, don't let your mouth be heavy. #Greet. 
Because what does it really profit a woman to be a babe and get scolded for not greeting.

Hint- the answer is Nothing.

6- that marriage is a good thing.
Look ladies, stop being afraid. At the risk of being married for two weeks and giving marital advice. Marry your friend.
Not like best friend ( because 14 years in jail for that) but someone who is your actual friend. A lot of times we have an ideal in our head, but marriage has made me question whose ideal really.

My mother is steady salty I'm not my husbands handbag to events. But we are in the same bed every night, because that is what is important to us. ( I'm also still trying to lobby for a separate room- no show)

So please when you marry- or plan to marry, marry someone who you are his friend and is as much your own friend.
Don't let your case be the one of your best friend having another best friend that isn't you.

7- speak out.
At work, at home, for the youth ( if you get that last part, maybe you are old like me).
Because none of us are mind readers( except maybe Dynamo the magician) you need to speak up. If you don't like something, say it.
More importantly if you DO like something say it too. Odds are you will get more of said thing you like.

9- it is consistency that breeds results.
You are better off working out for 25mins everyday for 30 days than for 1 hour 3 times a month. Orobo no dey reign.

10- and this is a major key.
🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑🔑
choose happiness always.
Especially when you know you have to business being happy.

I don't think any year has been this disappointing for me, or had a more different outcome than I expected but look yeah- I'm happy.

Finish. And I feel better about being happy.

In conclusion 2 other things.
Resolution: to not imbibe other people's marriage road map as mine. (This because ah, everyone always has something to say about someone else's marriage) and after a while I may want to just adopt for peace to reign, but I'm writing this here to remind my self in the future that sex four times a week works well for me( even if it makes me late most times) and pizza on football nights are the 🔑 to evening rest. And finally it's okay when my Husband will drink a smoothie as dinner because he doesn't want me stressed.

2: to take my job search more seriously and to seek out this side hustle thing much more seriously. 

I know I only said 2 but-
Another one- to work out consistently, mind my business more, pick up a sport. Be more concious about using my new last name. Find a steady church, drink more water .

I hope you all had a delicious 2015 and I pray that you will prosper in 2016 in line with God's principles even as the economy forecast is predicting gloom.

Where there would be a casting down for everyone - God will lift you up.
Lines will fall in pleasant places for you and yours.
You will get into a new land and dominate .

These are the things are wish for you my readers in 2016!

Have a lovely lovely lovely holiday period; don't drink and drive,wean yourself of Arsenal football club( only heart break is there), do something you really enjoy and be unapologetic about it. 

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Yet another update

I'm literally in the middle of a shit storm,
but I am okay, taking it one step at a time.

Letting tomorrow deal with it's self.

This Xmas and I'm literally going to have to make an actual physical list of things I'm thankful for

AND  budget  BECAUSE DECEMBER.

Been totally lusting after these "Balogun Tee's"



Because Balmain is cost and y'all know I rep balogun market to the T in represent.

And I really want to give myself something for christmas.

Two- I thought of getting matching Tee's for my Husband & I- LOL.

I feel like I should speak more about my husband and the kind of person he is so that all my readers collectivelly can laugh with me about how I am over reaching.

My nails and hair are currently inspiring serious envy.

Honestly I get the hair- because these Edges are from the Most high.

But the nails- Like any monsurat can give you stick on with super glue in less than 10 minutes for a full 10 fingers ( and toes- if you have bleached your's and you are okay showing them off)

I have pepperfruit like toes
Image result for nigerian pepper fruit

Literally.

and cheesy feet. I cringe when people talk about toe sucking during sex like please-

My boobs are sufficient for this.

lets not suck any thing below the knees.

Speaking of below the knees. I am currently looking for a non invasive way to shave my legs.

without a blade/shaving stick and without the struggle of shaving cream and none of the pain of waxing.

My hair is fabulous.

I do not think you heard me. MY WEAVE IS FABULOUS.

I may have struck ali-express gold with this purchase.

metaphorically speaking. All my frog kissing finally gave me a prince- that everyone now wants a piece of.

No issues; I share my contact. No shame in my game.

I also entered the ultimate beauty box give away here and look I am holding out on getting  my nails done

Till after I win.

*speaking in faith because church going baby girl*

Also really holding out because wanna use the Vane nail polish in the box.

pss- Also looking forward to the maybellin powder as well ( hope we get our shade o)

cacao-ing here I come


I have a wedding on saturday. going to start meal prepping against today and tomorrow.

with what you ask?

well- I thought you would never ask-
I HAVE ONE WHOLE CHICKEN IN MY TRUNK
A BAG OF RICE
AND A GALLON OF ORORO.

Starting to feel like Xmas eh?

I think that is what I really like about paid employement. The rice in December.

Also everyone at work keeps asking what I'm doing because my stomach has apparently gone in
and my shape has come out

I want to lie and tell them its the marathon legal sex I'm having but because xtain- I am on a strict diet as well as 3 a week work outs plus every night I do burpees.

At least 20 before I sleep.

strong armed someone who isnt my husband to buy me a polar watch and looking back maybe I should have got a fit bit instead.

Hmnn- Awoof dey run belle or nah?

Off to the gym.

Slighty upset Sir Shina peters wont be at Afropolitan BUT excited in advance of all the orishirishi accents I would be subject too.

Ps- lost some weight in my fingers.

Guess how campaign like my ring looks?

FreakingRegal.

Love eet.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

on general updates

I am better now.

No more upset/crying/depressed.

so many good things have happened to me.

I just have no choice but to be thankful.

I'm working through the holidays as always.

But in VI- can you believe it?

I am so super excited.

I'm so happy for 2016. In advance in faith.

work is good. Life is good. My waist line is snatched.

My ass is lifted.

My skin is clearing.

My work table is cleared. Like I'm going to celebrate Xmas with no work hanging over my head.

Off course I am relived.

I feel the urge to publish my Xmas wish list- Since I did not do a birthday wish list.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

standing

or sitting unpretty.

I absolutely feel like my life is going to shit right now.

No jokes.

Someone stole from me.

Some who I lent money is being shifty.

AND I have shit to do with money.

I can not move house-because theft.

my car is bad, and I cant change it because- theft

And there are only so many " we regret to inform you emails" regarding my current job search

that I can take.

Plus I'm broke.

but that is mostly my fault.

20k dinners, 11:11 day ali express sales and this delicious charles keith purse I bought this month.

Plus I have generally been reckless with money.

Normally I do not stress about money( well more than usual), but i am just literally freaking out

Looking at my December expenses and my current income. and my holiday plans for 2016.

I think I need to grow up.

And I do not think I am interested in growing up.

It's just tuesday and I honestly do not see how this week is going to getbetter.

( lies- SALARY  is due friday)..

I'm just generally grossly irritated.

because I'm slowly getting to the point where I will take a pay cut to move jobs.

but check this- no one wants to hire me.

I have one offer on the table. BUT- It is not what I even see my self doing.

Remotely.

But I am feeling like it maybe my only option.

It is higher pay ( BUT probably shitter hours and ZERO travelling opportunites)


And do I really want to trade my happiness for more money?
Right now?

YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

Also I'm left with no option than to explore EFCC for my theft situation.

Friends please stop stealing from me. there are so little of you left in my life.

AND; you know I am petty AF.

Randomly I would not even budge about going to the police regarding the theft

but let me tell you, I have been cheated on before.

The pain of a friend stealing money you do not even have from you?

IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST THING IN THE WORLD.

Like my heart literally broke when I found out.

BROKE TO PIECES.

having to resume at Ikoyi to sort out those forms.
were horrible.

And you know what is even more horrible?

Everybody has left me out to dry.

Obviously I can not go into details BUT

It is a harrowing experience.

Like in my worst nightmares- I would not even have seen this coming.

And even worse i'm not allowed to talk about it.

It is horrible. I wake up thinking about it. I have dreams about it.

I am distraught. Literally and I do not know what to do or how to go about fixing my life.

rather this issue in my life.

:(




Monday, November 23, 2015

On slaying and other stories that touch

So I have a wedding this weekend.

I'm trying to do this thing where I only attend weddings where I personally know the bride and groom personally.

Doesn't make much of a difference since I do know quite a few people.

So on saturday I have a wedding.

I know the bride and the Groom, Although the groom invited me

my main aim is slayage.

why?

My one ex- The tampon introducer- Is best friends with the groom.

While I do not speak to him, the groom and I have remained friendly ( of sorts)

ANYWAY.

He will be at the wedding.

And the groom has been weirdly insistent that I attend.

maybe he was also trying to sell me the asoebi ( NO MORE)

So I decided to kill all my enemies and SLAYYYY in a jump suit.

I've always found jump suits to be a bit extra for weddings.

Like aunty why are you wearing trouser.

oyinkan wore one last weekend ( to yet another wedding)- IT WAS LITTTT.

And I thought.YES PLEASE.

So I went to lagos and bought this pretty print fabric

Now.

To find me a tailor that wont slam me with pinafore and act funny when you ask them.

On weight loss.

I'm making steady progress.

My friend FBG, Who I have probably blogged about a lot has morphed into a fitness monster.

So I showed him a few photos of my body pre scuplting.

AND NOW HE IS ON MY CASE-DAILY.

F I love you for real but can we NOT do this?

Please?

I do not like people heckling me

True to his word; he hit me up today to remind me.

little or no carbs.

our conversation was really emotional for me because we have been friends for maybe 15 years and he has never ever shut me down or said no to anything I said.

So imagine how SHOCKED I was when he kept calling me out on my lying-IN YORUBA.

I was so mad. :(

I mean I get that its all love but this love is too hurtful,

Please
My psyche can only take so much assault.

I have spent the last week commuting from Vi to Ikeja daily and can I just say that those people WHO do the commute the other way ARE THE REAL HEROES OF LAGOS STATE.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

God damn.

I have three massive pimples AND a sex starved kitty cat to show for that.

Like I would go to work at 6:30 ish and leave the mainland at like 9:30 ish

I was literally seeing eros in bed. Like wake up leave him in bed, get home meet him asleep.

How do people who work on the island but live on the mainland consumate their marriages?

And even more importantly how do they cook?

I did not cook all week but on thursday I came home early enough to do some cooking like 8 ish

Eros  came in and saw me prepping and said no
I should  go to sleep.

I married a unicorn.

Like.

Literally. So I'm like are you not hungry?

He said yes, BUT you are tired and we havent spent time together.

because my mother's spirit would have been gravely unsettled IF I let my husband go to bed hungry.

I quickly whipped up a smoothie.

And we settled in to watch Heist.(2015)

We slept off midway but I had never seen a more significant gesture of being put first from my husband ever before.

Like NEVER.

please 5 Gold stars for that boy.

Speaking of gold stars; I had a gel mani installed in Abuja at the insistence of Uloh ( baby girl 1)

and four weeks after mani is yet to CHIP.

Like there is so much nail growth. I am impressed.

Thinking of waiting- then going back to abuja and re-do them.

The nails are really pretty( Ps- they are on my IG)


randomly people keep asking me about my wedding.

It is actually my mother's wedding.

Because she is the owner of the wedding, maybe sharing with my MIL.

I mean all I'm doing is loosing weight to kill all my enemies.( my one ex boyfriend) and all my husbands's exes ( although I think the secrecy shrouding the whole wedding thing is killing them)

Also I have really become obsessed with my engagement ring.

I have lost enough weight for it to fit decently on my finger without making my otherwise slender fingers look like satis ( sausage)

Finally- Any one have a really good tailor?

Monday, October 26, 2015

Nobody has to know

Three things:

I wear black on mondays' to mourn the weekend.

I did not go to Dubai. But my husband went- So much for two becoming one.

I have my next holiday planned abeg.

I'm going to Gambia, to eat fish and watch SATC from season one sipping moscato and have nobody affi know type sex.

Why did I just come across this song by Kranium?

TOTALLY ON REPEAT ALL DAY.

But raises two trains of thoughts in my head.

ONE:

Do Jamaican men actually fuck women this graphically?

Or is it just in the music as an export? ( think how the theme of Nigerian music is pangolo)

TWO.
Are these girls, who you can detect their freakiness by looking in their eyes a thing?
What girls you ask?
The one's who open down the pole like a stripper, with pussy popping on a hand stand type girls that these Jamaican men sing about.

If yes

How does one morph into one of these girls?

And If No,

How does one become the first of these girls?



Ps: There are two nicer remix's but just like pringles; I prefer the original.

UPDATE.

I am sorry. I need us to collectively stare into the greatness that would be TY dollar $ign's eyes.

Because I am a good person.

Time stamp in video: 1:46, 1:50, and 1:56.

Pss: the way he looks at her in 1:56&1:57 is everythinggggg.






Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Question

Would it be irresponsible of me to Abscond.

Scratch that- HOW irresponsible will it be for me to abscond from work for two days; Leaving my brand new staff alone WHILE

I go to dubai for the Weekend?

Answer- VERY.

But why am I still considering it?

*sigh*

Nostalgia-maxxing with Michael Jackson

Like everyone who is a millenial I went to see the michael jackson movie and when I tell you I left there so deeply inspired that I got a co...