IN my opinion

I'm hard to love and harder to stop loving.

I am not cut out for serious human relationships

I really like you but I don't know how this is going to work.

Boys like me.

I like boys.

I write when I'm upset, happy or overtly emotional.

I cry way to easily, over the most trivial things.

But for some reason when we have these arguments I don't.

I don't even second guess me and you.

And I should, but I can't. And I won't and I don't.

I am ready to argue and argue and argue and argue and argue till I get this right.

I never knew it would be this hard.

And in my honest opinion I think u may have my mumu button,

Howelse do I explain last night? Jazz??

I may just be ridiculously sprung.

And I like it. Without the fights.

Marriage

Today I'm writing on just one leaf because the man beside me asked last week if I was a writer. Today I've got marriage on my mind. Well I can count the people I know that are "happily" married. Notice I said happily. That is the key word. I know people who make statements like "oh my parents don't speak" or " I'm with my husband just for the money" and the likes. How come we have this many unhappy marriages in Nigeria?? I do not know but I have 2 logical reasons why. Maybe it could be that to many women are chasing money? It could be that, these women seek from marriage- financial security.
Or maybe we don't pray enough. It could be that, the married people do not pray enough.
Anyways my aunt that is a lawyer came 2 see. My mummy who wasn't at home so she met urs truly at home. I had an oral interview on how to make starch and owoh soup. I had to recite the steps I'll take to make owoh soup that I have made so many times I have no choice than 2 marry someone that eats it. After I finished (I gorrit by d way). She then decided to tell me how the itsekiri women cook it to hold their husbands and after I took note. She went further to mention that she had a nice uroboh man for me. See honestly I am not against my aunts / uncles finding me husband. What I am against is what she said Right after. She said and I quote " oh so that I will drive the brand new car that the husband will give you while u stay home and cook for him. She and my other aunt found this fucking hilarious. I think its greed. I know these women, their husbands are rich. Filthy rich and none of their husbands have given either of their mother-in-laws brand new cars 2 drive. While these women cook for them. Nor okada nor bicycle nor Spoke. So WTF do they want 2 do with the car my husband will give me? Or am I a cash cow to be sold? Like seriously Is that the reason why everyone wants me 2 get married? Just so they know the person I think I have my eyes own is not going to give anybody a car, or keys to a bicycle or keys to anything. I'm not letting him do that shit *rolls eyes*
I also wonder why everyone goes on and on about how your man must be filthy rich. Both of these my aunties married poor men. WiTH ambition. And now their husbands are rich. Rich enough that my uncles bbm name is "Rich Man" like seriously. In his defense the girls like it.
Whatever the case this marriage talk is just plain freaking over rated
Overrated like the hype of brazilian hair.

Malade

I am sick. I think I have malaria. But I'm positive I have a cold. I have been blowing so hard. (My nose) and I have been sneezing so much I feel like some 1 is wanking with my name. So I came to the hospital. Because I was running MAD sitting home with a headache. Wielding my Gold hygiea card, my lover dropped me off at the hospital. He had a biz meeting to dash off to. Great.
Well not so great. U see the hospital is renovating PLUS I feel, today is an ante-natal class. Everyone here is preggers. No not preggers like 3 months. Pregnant like heavily my water is about 2 break preggers. Even the man here. Ok that's just a huge pot belly but he does look a lot like the 3 women beside him... Bellywise offcourse. The only person asides me here that isn't sporting a belly is the lady behind me. She has a kid. And her kid might as well be pg. The boy has been crying non-stop since I got here. Coupled with my headache aka little chinese people having an orgy in my head.. I have become grouchy. Maybe my newly aquired grouchiness is due to the facT that these hospital people decided to not let us watch AFmag. Instead we are watching Mnet action. Don't gerrit twisted, I hate Afmag but if I have 2 watch tv at d hospital Afmag is there preferred choice. Which brings me to the issue. My AFmag yoruba isn't working. This is bad real bad mJ. The man just called me Mrs Olaolu. I had to look really hard at my card to check if I am a Mrs and I'm not aware.
Moving on, I hate the clinical smell of hospitals. They somehow have a way of sticking to your clothes. And I am also scared of injections ... I think. Well I've had about 3 operations, uncountable injections and I've had my blood taken time without number. So why am I still scared? I have no idea. I should be familiar with the pain by now. However let it be known that every single time I had 2 take an injection. I screamed, kick and cry. Today I hope I don't have 2 take an injection. My lover isn't here and there is no 1 2 pacify me when I scream kick and cry.. That is if I do take d injection offcourse.
The doctor still isn't here, I can't remember the last time I was sick enough to miss work.
My mum thinks its all the stress of weekend school, work then Weekday school. She has forbade me to attend weekday lectures. *sigh*
I feel drowsy I need to be looked after.. Mummy should take 2 days off work and come look after me.
Anyways the doctor said its malaria prescribed the drugs bUT still insisted I took the malaria test. Which means they have 2 take my blood which means needles.
Clearly I would never be able to do drugs. That involve needles offcourse.
Bottom line I hate being sick, all these little things that threathen my regular routine. Like a cold that limits me 2 d fan instead of a sleeping with ac. Or just the fact that I can't go 2 school. *shudders*
Its so sad. On the upside I've had quite some visitors.
To all of you who called, texted, bbm'd and actually came. (Like to see me not came asin past-tense of Cum) I'm Really thankful u made these few days worth it.

These Genes

Growing up I was very insensitive and ignorant. And I believed the world revolved around me. So since that was my disposition to life I wasn't aware that I had people around me that were special. Ada. My friend was virtually my family friend, we attended the same church and her mum was my aunty. If u are Nigerian you wil know that there is a difference between your mothers friend and your "Aunty" that isn't your Mothers sister. Aunty. Elaine was in my mum's church committee and all that fan fare so ada her siblings and I with my siblings sometimes had 2 wait after church for those unending meetings. Cut the story short. Ada was illogically beautiful. She had really long hair. And we all know how hard that feat is to acheive as a Nigerian female. Plus her eyes were really cute and she had dimples and no pimples. Anyways we got into uni and studied the same course which meant I already had a friend before I got 2 uni not bad. Our mum's came for matric and we still have loads of pictures. Another Ridiculous thing we do at home. Keeps pictures forever. Anyways so along the line since we were good friends plus family friends only naturally I was asked of her whereabout when she missed school. The thing is she was always gone just before school closed and she never resumed on time. There were also times she just left in the middle of school. I always assumed she was forming big girl. I don't know why but it never occured to me that she was SS. She was to happy and had 2 bubbly a personality to be SS. She didn't have the yellow eyes. Neither was she tiny or sickly looking she had nice rack and what not. It was a huge blow when I found out. And sadly I found out the last semester of Uni. We had just resumed and we happened to have the same bag. One brown abi yellow tiger print bag from primark that caused all our classmates to call us sisters. Well most of year four she was in and out off school. She missed the 1st semster exams and by then everyone had started hounding me for answers. Still I had no idea.
Come the 23rd of November Ada was no more. The day had started as normal except Ada's close friend M had been pedaling a rumor asking people to pray for her that she had a Crisis. I was sooo furious. Where did she get this smelly gist from. Excuse me if any one shoulda known about this, it would have been me. I even saw her mum during the harvest AND she gave me food to bring back to Ada. Ada did not have crisis. She was just sick. So offcourse we all know how news spreads. Everyone kept saying it. On and On and I went to call her younger sister who happened to be a year below me in school and I couldn't find her. People said she had gone home. I rememeber seeing the kind of my car in school but I shrugged it off. My driver couldn't not be in school at 8pm. Mummy dosent even let me come to school later than 4pm cus of her car.

Well cutting this story short. Last night the car came to get Uju. Ada had passed. She had renial failure. I guess that has something to do with her kidney system. She had been having crisis on and off in the last six months. She was the first child of her parents. She was 21 years old. And she had passed. In pain. Because of the SS.
I have had other encounters with SS patients but this is the closest I have experienced. My friend is AS her elder sister is SS. She said its the most difficult thing to watch you sister helpleSs and not be able to do anything.

I couldn't help Uju pack Ada's things. It was too hard for me.

Now I am still not so learned about this whole sickle cell thing. But I know some people who are. A certain twitter persona @Toptosyn has an event called "Jeans for genes" I don't know the procedure for this event. But it takes place on d 27th of march 2010 I think its at Swe bar. I would love to attend. My schedule won't allow me. But what I do know is that this SS thing needs more awarness and support. This isn't like HIV or an STI that people supposedly bring upon them selves its a condition they are born with.
An uncle of mine married an SS lady. Aunty K is one of the nicest people I know. She isn't domesticated simply because she can't do the work but she tries so hard to fit in. *sigh*
She told me that before she went in to labour people had raved about the labour pains. She said she went in had her kid and came out, she didn't experience the pain people were raving about. She said "the pain I experienced during my labour is not up to 1/10th of a crisis pain"
I have menstrual pain. And I want to DIE. When it hits me without having my meds. So I can't imagine what these people go through. For more information about this event go to
www.jeansforgenes.blogspot.com.

These Genes

Growing up I was very insensitive and ignorant. And I believed the world revolved around me. So since that was my disposition to life I wasn't aware that I had people around me that were special. Ada. My friend was virtually my family friend, we attended the same church and her mum was my aunty. If u are Nigerian you wil know that there is a difference between your mothers friend and your "Aunty" that isn't your Mothers sister. Aunty. Elaine was in my mum's church committee and all that fan fare so ada her siblings and I with my siblings sometimes had 2 wait after church for those unending meetings. Cut the story short. Ada was illogically beautiful. She had really long hair. And we all know how hard that feat is to acheive as a Nigerian female. Plus her eyes were really cute and she had dimples and no pimples. Anyways we got into uni and studied the same course which meant I already had a friend before I got 2 uni not bad. Our mum's came for matric and we still have loads of pictures. Another Ridiculous thing we do at home. Keeps pictures forever. Anyways so along the line since we were good friends plus family friends only naturally I was asked of her whereabout when she missed school. The thing is she was always gone just before school closed and she never resumed on time. There were also times she just left in the middle of school. I always assumed she was forming big girl. I don't know why but it never occured to me that she was SS. She was to happy and had 2 bubbly a personality to be SS. She didn't have the yellow eyes. Neither was she tiny or sickly looking she had nice rack and what not. It was a huge blow when I found out. And sadly I found out the last semester of Uni. We had just resumed and we happened to have the same bag. One brown abi yellow tiger print bag from primark that caused all our classmates to call us sisters. Well most of year four she was in and out off school. She missed the 1st semster exams and by then everyone had started hounding me for answers. Still I had no idea.
Come the 23rd of November Ada was no more. The day had started as normal except Ada's close friend M had been pedaling a rumor asking people to pray for her that she had a Crisis. I was sooo furious. Where did she get this smelly gist from. Excuse me if any one shoulda known about this, it would have been me. I even saw her mum during the harvest AND she gave me food to bring back to Ada. Ada did not have crisis. She was just sick. So offcourse we all know how news spreads. Everyone kept saying it. On and On and I went to call her younger sister who happened to be a year below me in school and I couldn't find her. People said she had gone home. I rememeber seeing the kind of my car in school but I shrugged it off. My driver couldn't not be in school at 8pm. Mummy dosent even let me come to school later than 4pm cus of her car.

Well cutting this story short. Last night the car came to get Uju. Ada had passed. She had renial failure. I guess that has something to do with her kidney system. She had been having crisis on and off in the last six months. She was the first child of her parents. She was 21 years old. And she had passed. In pain. Because of the SS.
I have had other encounters with SS patients but this is the closest I have experienced. My friend is AS her elder sister is SS. She said its the most difficult thing to watch you sister helpleSs and not be able to do anything.

I couldn't help Uju pack Ada's things. It was too hard for me.

Now I am still not so learned about this whole sickle cell thing. But I know some people who are. A certain twitter persona @Toptosyn has an event called "Jeans for genes" I don't know the procedure for this event. But it takes place on d 27th of march 2010 I think its at Swe bar. I would love to attend. My schedule won't allow me. But what I do know is that this SS thing needs more awarness and support. This isn't like HIV or an STI that people supposedly bring upon them selves its a condition they are born with.
An uncle of mine married an SS lady. Aunty K is one of the nicest people I know. She isn't domesticated simply because she can't do the work but she tries so hard to fit in. *sigh*
She told me that before she went in to labour people had raved about the labour pains. She said she went in had her kid and came out, she didn't experience the pain people were raving about. She said "the pain I experienced during my labour is not up to 1/10th of a crisis pain"
I have menstrual pain. And I want to DIE. When it hits me without having my meds. So I can't imagine what these people go through. For more information about this event go to
www.jeansforgenes.blogspot.com.

A RANT

There is a phrase I can't stand. " I am not your mate". funny thing is I hear that a lot. And I shall hear it for a long time. Simply because I do not deal with my mates. My average female class mate is 35 married with 2kids. The Men average about 40. So they have my age mates at home automatically think they have earned my respect. Which would be alright is this happened 10years ago. I think there is something about learning with your child's age mate. Technically I being 15 years younger is sharper than you. I would assimilate faster than you. This means that I will be Nicer to you. My mother trained me to realise that not everyone is as fast as 1 am. Moving on the older ones are yet to realise that me being Nice or slowing down is not your right neither is it an obligation I have to you. If we are class mates this must mean there is something in my head and I did not sleep my way here. This isn't your organization. I don't care how the young ladies there operate.
I also don't appreciate you making stupid snide comments that are totally unbecoming of your age mates about my attitude to classes. You did not pay my fees and I am not accountable to you. Yes the society raises a child. But you forget that I AM not a child. I am an adult whether or not you admit it, age has nothing to do with maturity, as you have made very obvious. And clearly me leaving the class every saturday by 5pm irks you. Well this is not my problem. Dear Ma and Sir whatever problem you have with me you will have to take up with Jesus because u see, it is he who blesses me. That's all.
Good night and have a nice drive home.

lovers to friends?? why do all good things come to an end....:)

Personally I do not remain friends with my ex. I have a way of somehow managing to get them in that fix where they "want me back" SO I don't do it. I love drama. But ex man friend drama. *sigh* I am NOT up for that.
Well right now as I'm putting up this blog, there is this one person thaT I have remained friends with. For reasons I can't put my finger on. And NO we are not mile high club members. Well in my defense I was very young and naïve and blah blah blah blah. Let's call him "J". So anyways J and I had this FAB love affair. We never defined what we had going on and whatever it was, was on for 9months. Btw that's d shortest I've ever been with some one, so if u are reading this and u thought to ur self "oh but we were together less than 9 months" I hate to burst ur bubble but we were never together. Anyways. I was in 100L and I was oh so in love. Told every1 about him. Met his sister. Err G I'm really sowi about that lip gloss incident. But it was Mine. *smug smile* by d way his sister totally hates me. Somehow I end up with people whose siblings can't stand me. *sigh*. So we had that cute romance that made me who had done my 2 weeks in jand, go 2 yankee on d weekend of my disney world trip cancel and fly back 2 jand. U see I'm Very extreme when to comes to boys I actually Like. Offcourse my mum was Mad but she was in Nig and couldn't do much. I don't wanna List all the unresonable sacrifices I made. Ok it was just that one but looking back now LAWD*slapping my self 4 times* what was I thinking?? Huh? That he was gonna be in that undefined space spending all that casH on my virgin self??? Hmnn? Maybe he has looked back and wants to recoup all his losses in KinD. Maybe that's why is still speak 2 him. MayBE its not just cuz of the raybans he has promised me. Either which ways since he started all this I want u talk. He can keep his rayban's till either I'm lover-less (not anytime soon) OR he stops wanting me. Which ever comes 1st. Although I know this a shot in the dark but really did he think I'll say oh yes cool. I missed u. Let's kiss and make up. Four years later. Darling that boat has sailed and shall never return.
Whatever he thought. He should have hurried back. Four years is a BSc and a 2yr relationship and another 4yr on and off undefined love affair. so why does he want me back. Lord knows not much has changed. And I'm even wiser now. How d hell are we supposed 2 work???
I think I'm really offended cuz he was my only claim 2 maturity in that oh I still speak to an ex of mine. Now I don't even have that anymore. But just 2 take d piss I should ask what happened to that police of a babe he got involved with just right afteR. Last I saw she said he was just "uni love" *smug grin* yes just so u know that totally Made my day. The day I heard it. Well I do not mean to brag but there must be sthg really FAB about me that keeps em coming back for more. Hell even my present lover came back. I must be laced with gold. Ok as delusional as that sounds it may be the honest truth.
I miss my lover. I want my lover. *sigh*
In other news I went to the market and bought satin. Sigh they were so beautiful I couldn't say no.

IMO
Ankara would always be my 1st love. Forget Satin AND tafetta.


HRS
I am the greatest .
iFloat like a butterfly. iSting like a bee.

#np Go. Crazy cousins Feat Meleka.