Tuesday, March 17, 2015

update and other yummy stories


Work has been a slave camp.

Literally busy season as a senior is slavery do not let anyone tell you otherwise.

Anyway so I have been dying had 2 listed clients who are sent from the DEVIL I tell you.

When God comes and banishes them to hell to go and be with their oga satan, I just hope they find someone to work for them.

That being said I have not had ONE Unassigned week since the year started

I am mad upset about this but whatever.

I have been thinking a LOT about quitting my job.

which is the oddest thing because I could swear I liked my job and was good at my job but now I don't even know if I want to do this anymore.

Is 26 to old to have a gap year?

I am currently in Abuja for work and I am not even remotely pleased with how my life is panning out.

Literally now that I have to get married, I just feel like I have so much reshuffling to do, and if you know me you would know that I am a creature of habit.

Totally set in my ways and stuff.

Anyway I need to say this I suffer from the most debilitating PMS ( when ever I actually suffer from it)

My last period cycle was horrible. I was constantly angry then next minute crying about the most random things ( I saw a couple having pre-wedding photos taken on ajose at 10pm when I was returning from work and started crying).

If I did not get my period I would swear I was pregnant.

And I HOPE to God, I am not pregnant because everyone I tell, hits me with this story of someone they know who was pregnant but saw her period for the first ( insert number ranging from 1-5) months.

Best believe I decided to keep the watch for lent.

Asides the obvious weight loss and stank breath from not drinking water ALL day. I am making way/ peace with my walk with God.

Also I need to draw up new holiday plans.

Married women out there, was  anyone so reluctant / slightly resistant/apprehensive to the actual thought of getting married?

Because OMG- is it appropriate to blog about this?

I find that having to change ALL my holiday plans ( especially going to vegas) is doing my head in.

I also find that I have to "slowly" and willingly learn not to challenge authority.

The weirdest thing because ALL my adult like I've had free rein.

really, My mother pretty much let us(me) do what we want within a reasonable parental realm ( no hiv or pregnancy or missing work).

And at work I soon found a means to get out from direct supervision and micro management.  so I just go to the field and do what needs to be done, manager comes in 3 times for the whole audit, I give manager account- everyone is happy.

and Ore is happy with minimal/zero supervision- provided I do not drop the ball.

BUT now, urgh. I am just here like * insert slightly disinterested face*

I am sha willing to learn and defer to my husband ( before you bible wielding hypocrites crawl out of the wood work)

Anyways hopefully I would have one of those pretty lenient husbands who would let me run free rein.


Otherwise I will come here to be crying wolf every damn day.


asides all I have said I have been generally excited.

Even all my abuja boyfriends have been excited for me.

I mean some have refused to speak to me and I get that, and I am not sorry ( if you are reading this FUCK YOU).

But some have been so decent and even offered to take me out to celebratory lunch/drinks. ( I mean it isn't adultery till you actual get married right? LOL JK)

A few of my friends have shown concern about me not wanting to get married and over night having to.

And I told them, while the timing is fucking off- ( even I admit to myself waaaay off); It is here and it is here.

and we do not turn away blessings when they come- in whatever form they come.

We say thank you to God and keep it moving.

Also I want to take this medium to thank all the people ( who I know must wish me well) but somehow sent me happy mother's day messages telling me how next year I would be celebrated too.

Me- side eye I have been engaged for a month. ONE MONTH, and you people are talking about mother's day celebration.

mother's day next year is in march, it takes 9 months to have a baby so except I conceive in June ( which is highly unlikely since I may not be married by then) where is this baby coming from?!

* in jay Z voice*
the pressure is on/ but guess who aint gon crack/
 ha ha pardon me/  I had to laugh at that.

I don't quite understand it.

Also my friend T and I had the most delicious conversation the other day.

He congratulated me on the whole thing- then asked me when I planned to start drinking again.

I also plan on using him as my driver when ever I get around going to buy my dress- so T boo if you are reading this- keep the last week in may free for me.

Upside to getting married though; is the little things

My father in law gave me the most generous wedding dress budget.

is it possible to love your inlaws so much right now; I think not.

Second thing is the shopping, OMG all the legal shopping I would be doing
*dies in designer wedding shoe heaven*

every single female friend I have berates me for not having a wedding scrap book *confused face*

Apparently it is a thing and you have to be prepared, because now I am absolutely clueless about anything and everything wedding related.

I mean my favorite color is purple but really thats all I know for now.

I also do not want aso-ebi orrrr a bridal shower orrrr a bridal train because I really have become minimalist over night ( blame my profession) and the whole austerity shit,

But I can not deal WITH women on a large scale. Luckily for me I am marrying a man ( ha)!

Last thing- the congratulatory messages are so overwhelming you guys.

Like I just want to tell people ( and I have told a few) how I wish this many people were excited for me when I got my distinction.

Tola said- they were happy for me but they are happier for me now.

And I'm just like all of you have your happiness meters twisted.

I guess I feel like people are not recognizing all the work i put into slam dunking that degree.

Because really lets face it- getting engaged and getting married can not be that that that hard.

Judging from all the weddings these days You know?

I feel like the grinch who wants to single handedly destory the wedding ministry and industry but 5 years ago you could get married without having to use a wedding planner OR a N400k make up artist or a 2.5 million naira photographer.

Note that I would not be having anyone of these ( asides the planner because really, I have a job and family members to rein in); ALSO I do not think I am so ugly that I need N400k for wedding day make up plus the person I'm getting married to, already knows what I look like you know?

I am obviously bitter I am not having the wedding of my dreams because
1- My dreams did not consist of wedding planning AND
2- I am not paying for the wedding so- the paying parties are calling ALLLLL the shots.

I know how ravingly upsetting this whole thing sounds but I am quite excited about becoming a mrs.

Also I would be changing my last name ( to a non yoruba one-YAY) and dropping my Yoruba first name as well.

I am so stoked about that.

Because I have been treated really badly by Yoruba people who assault me at every turn for my inability to speak the language.

Now bitches BYE.
 You know what else I am stoked about- body lotion on my hard to reach areas on my back; then someone to zip up my dress and help with hard to clasp jewelry.

most importantly NEVER having to sleep alone ever again.

Except when I am out of town for work and I am quitting this job soon anyways so

- I keep saying I am quitting but I have never even looked for another job, madness

I also have no idea if I want to continue to audit or to follow my hearts true desire and make zobo while living of my husbands plenty plenty plenty money.

while picking up my twins from school with my nails properly done and my weave laid by the gods and my face make up free but looking like baby's bum bum because there is no more stress in my life.

You know when I said my dreams do not consist of wedding planning?

I forgot to mention what it is they consist of- day dreams of being a kept woman.

Like just kept and pampered  but being busy ( not like billionaire's wife busy on IG o)

But really doing the things I want to do like play the piano and cook lasagna. and go to the gym at ikoyi club three times a week.

ha ha ha

You know how weird my dream life is, is that I live most of it minus the twins.

Side bar married women with twins- How do you get twins?

I think I really want twins.

Second side bar- Sabirah was talking about getting honest feed back and I just realized that I do not think I have a lot of honest people in my life.

You know?

And I tweeted how I think I want to get honest feed back but would need to get my nails on fleek before I did that so that whatever it is I get served; I know a portion of my life is in order.

And Tola said that is why no one would ever give me feed back.

All complaints aside- I am currently in the market for an older married mentor, who works ridiculous hours like me, but has found a way to stop complaining about life and was a bit apprehensive about getting married to.

I am aware marriage is hard work ( duh I woke 100 hour work weeks) But I need the internal 411 not all these bella naija 2 years reviews that have women so thankful that they married their best friends and all is rosy. But actual real life examples and advice on how to navigate marriage and all its pitfalls that span beyond the Nigerian "just pray and fast"

Okay I think I have everything covered

last side bar- I did my nails last night. they look horrible.


1 comment:

mizchif said...

LOL! I love you Ore. I really do.

never too late for a gap year, except.......husband and sturvs. Things like having a partner can really interfere with such a thing as a gap year.

Lemme not lie.......you haven't ever sounded like the ready to marry tomorrow type so when i heard the engagement news i was a like ||
And i think apprehension is normal. And i hope you find that honest older female mentor because that pray and fast/ rosy i married my best friend shit is just wash. Doesn't even have to be older by much, just married long enough.

I don't have a wedding scrap book, or any concrete wedding ideas. I just know i want simple and i have to start saving money so that i will be a principal paying party and be able to get my way for the most part. Can't stand carnival weddings.
As for that 400k make up, God forbid. But yes to the wedding planner. I'm too lazy for certain things. Oh yes i would like a kick ass hen night in a city where no one knows me.

Being a busy kept woman would be the life tho. Amen to baby's bum bum skin.

Are you okay and other stories.

The last few months have been difficult for me. Not in the I'm broke way but when you count the cost of an task to undertake but you so...