Monday, March 23, 2015

On liking myself

This post is going to go three ways- one about last night, two about what I want to comment about this post and three , my unwillingness to adopt baby girl in my bio.

This weekend was what good weekends are made off.

But we start from thursday.

I went to dinner * almost celebratory* with a few friends in town.

Again It was amazing and interesting and delicious and I am dead for the lowkey-ness of traffic in maitama.

Also I absolutely LOVE how women who do not want to do things, can get away with the phrase "you know I am a woman".

For example- we go to traffic and there was parking constraint ( as always); so the parking attendant decided to pop us into one ridiculous corner.

Now my friend has been driving for a longgggg time but we had had long days, she did not want stress, she just told the parking guy- you know I am a woman find me another space do not allow me hit someone's car, the parking man swiftly directed her somewhere.

Home girl expertly parked her car and the parking man was visibly upset he said- BUT you can drive well now; why were you lying.

My friend- I didn't want stress.

I am not above using my perceived feminine weakness to my advantage and I am unapologetic about it.

Anyway so dinner was amazing; everyone seemed surprised that I was fasting;

And I seemed surprised that everyone pegged me as someone who would dabble into "sugar mummy-isim"



I think people are odd when it comes to money and lovers.

personally I love. LOVE love presents.

However, in the usual manner of life screwing one over, I do not get as many presents as I deserve / want.

So I over compensate by giving presents- the kind I would like.

Offcourse even I know it means I would only be dissapointed but I find that I actually really like giving presents and so I give them. meh.

lady in the post up there is being led to believe that you can not have it all.

Yes there is such a minor minor minor portion of the exisiting minority of happily married women who have jobs, and have kids and some how make it work.

What they tell me- all of them is the same thing, you need two things- Find someone who understands that your marriage is for two of you and

who is willing to do the things that make it work for two of you.

One woman is particular has three kids she works in london while her husband works in Nigeria and America- and let me tell you; this woman is the ultimate damn baby girl.

I kid you not, went out to lunch with her and she had the warmest lushest rabbit fur stole.

( her husband bought it for her), and I was just like really?

And she said while you need to defer to your husband in public in Nigeria pretty much to save face- outta town you can do whatever the hell you want and "who gon check you boo boo?" her answer is NO DAMN ONE.

So You need to leave Nigeria to be happily married I asked her.

She replied- no, you need to marry a man whose mind has left Nigeria and is exposed.

Me- ahhhh I see.

On getting good grades and being the best you can be- It really is for your benefit and personal conscience.

I personally Love to coast because- baby genius over here. ( LOL JK), but I am inherently lazyyy.

I need to emphasize how lucky I am that the man I am getting married to- is happy with the idea of a maid.

* throw back titbit*

First time I went to his house and slept over, in the morning I was trying* key word being try* to make the bed and put the room in order.

He walked out of the shower and saw me and asked what are you doing?

Me- err making the bed.

Him- Leave it, someone will come and sort it out.

Obviously now my bed making skills are HORRIBLE.

Because while they were horrible before, my zero practice lead me to be a more horrible bed maker.

However I picked up other bed skills so I am not half mad. * insert lecherous laughter here*

But if you can- it is always advisable to perform at your optimum capacity.

Soooo on saturday morning, I went swimming at my hotel- took about 1000 photos and then ordered small chops.

Sunday I went to church- AHMAZING. then went to find a tailor; then bought the most delicious fish ever liveth.

Demolished said fish and went to XO for karaoke.

Now I have complained about how the women in abuja are not fancy in relation to clothes. Like aunties and gals will just be wearing rags under the guise of I drive a benz.

True Lagos girl at my core- I am dead for any opportunity to GIVE THEM.

But abuja really calms me down- Like half the time I have to go out, I just go from work, and yall know I wear rags to work in abuja.

Anyway- That is how on sunday I went to Xo with Uloh.

Uloh is the supreme leader of all the baby girls collectively on the face of God's green fertile and fruitful earth.

So going out with her is always always always a fun activity.

In the usual manner of things a nice young man sat beside me and began to make conversation.

He said I looked good for my age- Pause minus 10 points, and then offered me a drink.

I did the whole song and dance about how No- I am not drunk and No- I am not pregnant and No- I am not sick and No- I would really not like a drink because I simply do not drink.

So water was ordered; baby girl Uloh got champagne.

Pause Nigerian men are so extra- which one is champagne at karaoke?

Anyway Young man proceeds to slather me with compliments.

while I live for compliments- compliments from drunk married men don't really do much for me.

but he said - I see you and I have spoken to you and you just seem like the kind of woman that a man would be naked in bed with and not get physical with immediately because he wants to pick your mind.

Me- Pause.

Him- That is a compliment

Me- Okay thank you.

and he also said- you are all covered up are you not bothered that all the other girls here are dressed like * people who came to sell market*

Me- Again, Not interested in Abuja market rn, but thanks for your observation.

Then he pointed out how women get married and stop looking attractive.
And on and on he went till he said

You really do not give a shit about what I am saying or what men want- do you?

Me- Finally, we are on the same page. * cue laughter*

But the ultimate compliment was that - I would make an amazing wife.

Me- ha I know.

I am a liar (because you know, I do not know)

but it is weird because everyone says that and I am like huh? Y'all be tripping.

In same vein, everyone says I will be a sugar mummy.

And the really weird thing is how I cant stand younger men- FOR SHIT.

Except that one time with my darling J-lo. * inside joke*

Steps on self awareness soap box.

Point is this- I made no effort to glean further enlightenment from my dear married man who only wants to be friends- the same way I must have been born 2 years ago-.

Which is odd, because before if a man touched my palm and said Oh my lord your hands are so soft.

My default answer ( do not judge me) would be- ha, and they are the hardest part of my body * insert coy smile*

I told you people I really like men. and they like me back.

And men will fall into this thirst trap and on and on till I have to leave or whatever- I digress

My point is- I was unbothered.
Like I could not even muster enough energy to pretend to be bothered.

I could not care less-even if I tried my hardest.

And when I was leaving and he asked me if he could call me I told him gently

- That I was clearly not in the market for married men as "friends".

I am always so proud of my self when I can turn down advances without being rude or stand-offish.

I mean it must be so hard to walk up to the opposite sex and declare interest.

And It must be heart wrenching to be shut down viciously like your dreams are not valid.

even if you know in your heart that these wet dreams are really invalid.

Fancy- This is a word my close friends would use to describe me- and I am like no. no no.

I am nothing like that.

Baby girl- Is the other word.

One of my friends who I spent the weekend with was telling me how she just looks at my enjoyment and it is apt.

And I am like but noooo- I want more; then she looks at me and says

Any thing more than this- you know it's runz abi?

It is always nice to be operating at your fullest baby girl capacity I guess.

1 comment:

mizchif said...

Full baby girl.

I don't understand the no alcohol thing. Explain please, thanks.

I've had to dial down my flirting several notches since Nigeria because reasons.
I like how chill people dress in Abuja tho, like it amplifies whatever little effort you make to dress up. Unlike Lagos where even the maddest traffic is a runway.
Why make bed we bout to get back into a mess up again anyway *shrug*

P.s thanks for linking to that post. Love(d) it.


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