Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah

 So thankful to see the December 2020. 

I feel like this year has drawn so many hallelujah's from my soul.

Many of which were cold and broken.

But broken crayons still color so Hallelujah for the end of 2020. 

Kai. 

So so thankful.

So so many good things happened to and for me this year most important of all is all the resting I got to do, and let me tell you if there is anything 2020 has taught me it's that, there is no need to do EVERYTHING. 

As someone who did everything, I didn't even realise how little grace I was giving myself to lean into the full rest that was present till 2020 gave me the plate to do nothing and let me tell you.

Less is MORE.

Anyway if you can not tell, I am so happy to see the end of this year and get into some gratitude sprinkling to usher in a fantastic 2021.

I know lots of people are nervous about declaring good things about 2021. 

But NOT I, said the cat. I am going to to speak many good things regarding my 2021 with a voice as big as the sea.

2021 is going to bring myself and my family

 glad tidings,

 great joy, 

success stories, 

shouts of joy, 

two turtle doves 

and a partridge in a pear tree.

So speak good things into your life, you deserve them.

Wishing everyone an uber dramatic (but in a totally good way) December.

Also, not writing here much because gathering content for the new house per my last post. super excited about that as well. Cant wait! eek!

One House

After writing on a million and one personal sites on the internet for over 10 years, I have decided to get everything in one place one one page.

ie. the personal finance column I write for peermentors, My travel blog, my tiny letters and also this personal blog. None of which I'd be deleting just moving to one place and consolidating them there.

One of my biggest concerns is how private I want to be but how public I worry that I'd be forced to become. but we'll see. this is definitely something I'm mad excited about because on some level I'd been stressed about not having my whole writing in one place but now I'm really looking forward to having a website where ALLLL of these will be sitting pretty.

Not sure the direction in which it will evolve but I'm excited about starting it.

Honestly Can't wait. I'm still finalizing the format and content calendar and contributors but definitely looking at a mid august roll out.

In other more important news, I hit a 100 day streak on my bible app. thank you Corona. being able to stop and chill gave me room to attempt to cultivate a relationship with God, and really just read the bible which is why when I set the 100 day target I was like hmnnn. Just take it one day at a time. and like joke like joke, I have hit and surpassed it and I do not know how to act. LOL.

I have applied to two jobs, for two very different roles, One I'm at the second stage of interviews and the other one took roughly 6 weeks to come back to me and tell me no. It was when they said no that I realized that maybe I wanted that one more. But no use crying over split milk now is there?

I only started realized that maybe I need to start taking the job search seriously when my home girl asked me to loan her some money and I had to say no because I actually didn't have spare cash. One of the things I pride myself on in life is having spare cash to loan my friends and family when they ask. And because I have a super strict budget- hello emergency funds- saying no to her during payroll week made me sad, even though I know I had no reason to be sad.

So I started filling out OTHER job applications that honestly I'm like meh. Infact one role that is $60k a year, I did the assessment and was just so tired that I didn't bother to complete the process because abeg. Then the Hiring manager called me from Yankee to ask if I was going to complete it because I scored super high. I said yeah sure and planned to ghost. But I'll do it now sha.

This other job that I wanted in the beginning of the year, and got called for an interview but I blew off because I was going on vacation and then got rescheduled and I never heard back from them because corona, have put up the job availability. I know all I need to do is fill out the application and It'll be a breeze because I already have the networks and etc etc but I'm SOOOO lethargic about doing it.

I've spent the last few months really knowing myself and getting super specific about certain things such as, the kind of work that will suit my personality; the kind of work relationship I want with my direct boss ( the kind 007 and M had); the amount of money I'd love to earn; the kind of tasks I want to do daily and just how much public speaking I'd like to do outside of work. And honestly the two jobs in the last two paragraphs- no too fit in. The very first two I applied for are more suited to me and my person tbh.

In other news, I  singlehandedly organized a fund raiser and provided mattresses and food items for a less privileged home last month. Honestly I've struggled with speaking about it because 1- I feel some type of way and 2- I don't know that I should be sharing it. I am super proud of myself. Was telling T and he said not everyone who feels bad about something can singlehandedly change it in response to me telling him that my heart was SO heavy after seeing the video. When I told him that he was like- lots of people would have felt bad and kept it moving, but you paused and did something about that feeling.

And that's such a great thing. And honestly just having to ask people for money non stop scared me shitless which was why I went above and beyond in the reconciliation bit. Haha.

And everyone was soooooooo gracious. it was a great feeling. And the cherry on the cake was that the next time I went to the home, they had tarred the road, so it was great all around.

Someone also asked me to come and sit on the board of an NGO he owns. I was like - LOL PASS. 

In more positive news, I got my nails did today. And I do not know how to act. I'm so excited because honestly the evil corona has done is enoughhhh.

However it gave me a book club; a 100 day bible streak; time to settle down and organize and donate to the less privileged and allowed me see what my ideal life could really be like if I took out Lagos hustle and bustle. And I feel very blessed and I do not take it for granted.

Honestly I recognize the place of privilege that I sit in currently to be unfrazzled about being unemployed. Infact, my friend came by for me to assist her on some personal finance ish and after an hour mentioned that I hadn't mentioned that I am looking for a job. And I was thinking to myself well that is not why we are here, and shamefully - I don't think you'd be able to employ me anyway so, why should I mention it to you? Plus I already had the two options I really wanted already lined up.

Anyway I am thankful that I do not have to deal with the anxiety that comes with searching for a job because "Corona is outside" and also because I'm just super chilled. Life is good.

I have some even more interesting personal news I am bursting to share but hopefully come august when all the ducks have fully lined uppp then I"ll announce it.

I really love my nails and I even love the nail girl more. I miss attending lagos weddings, going on uncountable dates and being on the receiving end of attention from lagos boys. 

Which is strange because I haven't opened bumble ONE time during this lock down and I stopped replying messages from boys. Stranger things have happened sha.

Blogspot changed their layout again. OH LORD.

Half year review- But it's really 5 months

Ah June is already here and honestly this year could not be any stranger if it tried, that being said, the earth keeps spinning, white policemen continue to kill unarmed black men in America and Hercules continues to be a much better cook than me.

Without much a do, lets get into it.

On relationships

This year I really wanted to get fundamental relationships i.e my female friendships in my life sorted. I have spent a good portion of my life being there for people, and helping them so I had hoped that if the need arose, I'd be comfortable enough to ask the people in my life for help.
I don't know if it is corona, or that people are just who they are but I have been unable to find the depth of satisfaction I am seeking in friendships. I guess everyone is a little preoccupied.

On doing difficult things that I had struggled with.
One of the things I realllllly wanted to do this year was build a reliant relationship with God starting with studying his word. It is with great pleasure and some pride( I'm not gonna lie) that I announce to you my 6 week, 42 day streak on the bible app. All the Glory goes to Jesus because I had started a first streak and 9 days in I lost it. And I am not ashamed to say that I considered  turning back the clock to get the back, but I was like- whats the point? I missed a day but God is ever present, so we move. And here we are at 42 days. When I get to 50. I'm writing a separate post and dedicating it to God.

Another difficult thing I ( not struggled per say) wanted to do was build a work out routine into my lifestyle.
I have not really had the need to lose weight for aesthetic purposes because thankfully my body type is in vogue with the flavor of the Szn. Naomi WHO?
But for the longest time I'd always wanted to be able to do 25 push ups. Now the best part of this is that if I had to get ready for a vacation- IN TWO WEEKS/ my body snaps into perfect formation and honestly by the 3rd week of working out I'm looking like I eat iron for dinner.Thankful to this body for letting me pepper my IG feed with bikini photos without having to suck belle.
That being said- still haven't built a work out routine. Must find something I enjoy.
I had tried to keep up with my trainer, but I really draw the line at Zoom work out sessions.

The last difficult thing, was share some family responsibility with my siblings. I felt and I continue to feel like I do a lot of the heavy lifting house wise and honestly- it sucks. I don't mind it but it's unfair.
I had been doing a lot of secretariat services for my mother since we both home bound, but during the week I nipped out to see Hercules. So tell me why at 2 AM on sunday my mother texted me that she was going to look for a business center to type a speech because I wasn't home.
So I asked, ask my brother, and she said he told her he was going out.
I didn't bother to ask her to ask my sister, because in Nigeria having a husband excludes you from mundane family tasks.
Very well I waltzed into the whatsapp group and LIT EVERYBODY'S ASS UP. And let me tell you, it felt GREAT.
My mother ignored all the messages while my brother protested that he had been working since. I told them IDGAF, I don't want my mother asking me about business centers if they have access to her. Her husband ended up typing it for her. and I didn't bother to even ask anyone anything.


On Money

Tbh, If I knew I could survive on so little cash, I'd have been more willing to quit my job and travel the world when I was 25.I have not saved as much as I targeted, HOWEVER- I am not broke even though I haven't gone to work all year. I was going to say I haven't worked- but all the secretariat work I've done for my mother this year has me contemplating putting EA on my CV.  Adjacent to this money talk, turns out I have way too many clothes. I don't know who the fuck I thought I was buying clothes for EVERY SINGLE FUNCTION I ATTENDED LAST YEAR.
And to think I had a clothing budget. This year it's Zero. I do not need new clothes AT ALL. However I really should consider beginning to earn income that is not from investment. If anyone wants to Hire me. shoot me an email

On Career.

I'm thankful for the break in transmission because -what the fuck are those hours anyway?
And what better way to explain a 6 month break in your career than Corona?
That being said my two top choices for a job want to hire me but have a global freeze on recruitment.
And even though I feel like I should be doing something with some degree of urgency with my free time. All I can do is read, run my book club, wait hand and foot on my mum and speaking lovingly to my plant. That being said in all the downtime, I finally figured out what I want to do career wise, and because the universe is gracious, I found the exact role. Honestly it's a perfect fit for me.Fingers crossed for corona to go because I have no idea how a virtual on-boarding is going to work.

On Happiness

I think driving in Lagos puts so much tension in my body that I can not believe how tightly wound up I am when I get home. In the last 3 months I have driven maybe 6 times and the last two times have had me like- are lagosians okay like this? Anyway when I'm not driving I am happy.I do not think I have had this little anxiety in my life. Also I took a break from men- dating them, fucking them and entertaining them frequently- so I'm sure that contributed to the rise in my happiness level. Showing up for myself consistently has definitely contributed to me being happier than usual. I am so happy that I haven't even leaned on retail therapy. And that's a big deal because I'm always buying something.

On Listening to my body

Not just physically but mentally as well. All this quiet has really shown me my self. The growth I have experienced and continue to experience and tangible evidence of that growth. The compassion I show myself when I act irresponsibly or I go against my body and how quickly I am to self sooth. One of the most fascinating things is the ease with which I exit conversations that I have no business being in. See this alignment of self with body is something I think many people should strive for. And because I know when I am acting out of turn, I am quick to apologize and align my actions with the person I am aiming to be. Also this is me acknowledging that oil-cleansing is not for me and I need to hang it up and stop clogging my damn pores. I've attempted to punish my skin and inexplicably myself by over exfoliating post oil clogging. As with the number of my men in my life, my skin flourishes under the maxim that less is more. Since most of my products finished my skin has really been on its best behavior, except when I drench it in oil and clog my pores.

In line with listening to my body, I miss my facial girl and my massage therapist.


On Knowing myself

I set out to really hone in on the intentional practice of predictability this year. I wanted the people in my life to know and state beyond the regular cant vouch for anybody, that in certain situations, my actions would be consistent with their expectations because of the person that I am. And I want the record to state that it is I, who makes up the people in my life. I wanted to - barring never say never- categorically say this is who I am in XYZ situation and my stance is unwavering. I am making very certain progress.Which is why when I was expressing surprise at the swiftness with which a mutual friend was leaping into a relationship with my friend, her off hand remark of "Oh you are still so Jaded" took me by surprise. I asked myself, Are you a jaded babe? I came up with a resounding no.
and kept it moving. Last year I might have attempted to explain why I said what I said, but this year Jesus has died for me and that is enough for me. We are not debating things about myself with non factors.


In Conclusion

I know it seems like I set out to do A LOT of personal work this year. I did. and honestly asides my inability to write as often as I'd like, or keep up with my travel blog as consistently as I'd like, I'm taking my wins where I find them. For the inconsistency with my travel blog, I hail myself on the consistency I show in running my book club. For how quickly I lose my temper over the most inane thing, I clap at how willing I am to apologize and make up for cutting remarks. When I am uncharacteristically short with a sibling, I applaud the efforts I make in stretching myself working to assist the other sibling. I guess this year I am really striving for balance. not perfection.

As always in the other 7 months of this year I want to take my piano lessons seriously. And build a work out routine, and stop putting oil on my face. And write consistently. And define what consistently means. ( it means two travel posts and one tiny letter per month- I have so much to sayyyyy)

Tomorrow is a HUGE day for my family. I have planned my mother and sisters wedding and the anticipation for tomorrow is bigger than both combined.
Tomorrow June 2nd 2020, my mother becomes the president of ICAN. *cue champagne popping*
Honestly so so so so so proud of her. I really really really like when people get what they have worked so hard to attain.
This might also be the reason why I am unwilling to work as hard on certain ventures- BECAUSE ITS SUCH BLOODY HARD WORK. and just having front row to how hard the work is, makes you really wonder- Do I want it bad enough.

And for me, most times the answer is no, but when its Yes, nothing in my path survives. hash tag indaboski?

That being said, I should have done my nails instead of lying in bed all day reading.Maybe I'll do some Yoga.

Lockdown

A couple of things I have realized about myself during lockdown:

-I really like my mother. not as a parent but as a friend.This is the most time we have spent together since I became an actual adult and honestly I love it. She can be annoying but still

- I don't like my sister.  I mean I'd give her a kidney but she annoys me. And I've been trying to work out why and it's simple. I just don't like her person. If she wasn't my sister, I'd never speak to her.

- I prefer structure in my life, it makes me more efficient.

- I hate DIY. DIY hair, nails, anything and everything DIY. I did an oil cleanse and clogged my pores. my skin hasnt recovered. On the other hand I BEGGED my hair dresser to open her saloon on the low and attend to only me so I could take out my braids and wash my hair. So she snuck me in and I felt like a xter out of money heist. But there was no way I was taking out my braids. I don't even have that much upper body strength.

- Money likes me. I don't know how to explain this except I have been unemployed for approx 6 months and my lifestyle hasnt changed and I haven't had to dip into my savings and It's so fascinating really how much planning and budgeting does for your physce.

-I don't need half of the stuff I have, and once this corona lifts I'm giving away the half I don't need.

- I am shallow. I was watching a company I was considering working for and they had a promo video. so I decided to watch it, since someone I knew was in the video. the opening montage had someone typing on a keyboard and her nails were terrible. chipped nail poilish, uneven length. And I was like does this mean they don't pay well enough or nobody in the office cares?

- When I want things, I realllly want them. I saw the JD of my dream role and while I know it might be a LONG shot, I threw my hat in the ring anyway. Also super pleased with myself for getting my refund from BA in under 24 hours. I guess stake holder management experience has it's perks.


- I want to teach eventually. This lock down has shown me that I don't want to live a rat race life. I need to work to finance the life I want for myself but I don't have another twenty years of my life to give to this grind. I want to teach women about the positive correlation between economic indepence and quality of life available to them.

-  The most fun I've had with a man is with hercules. We spent roughly 20 days together ( not at a stretch because come on) and we had so much fun together. Our days consisted of me sleeping at 5/6am because of a broken body clock from trinidad, and him sleeping at roughly 1am because 30 plus. On the mornings where he wakes up before I go to bed, we have breakfast, sometimes have sex, he lets in his house keeper. we play 10 rounds of table tennis. we work out sometimes. I sleep. He works. when I wake up at 6 ish. he makes dinner, I pick a movie or show for us to watch. We have drinks, snacks, some more sex. sometimes we play cards. I try to half heartedly apply for jobs. he gives me bootyrubs and we daydream about getting a place together.we also send each other funny jokes on Ig. and we google recepies for what to eat It's basically a mini honeymoon except we are on lock down in his flat and we only went out a couple of times for groceries.
 and we are obviously not married.
( if anyone is interested he has asked, more than once, I reply hmmmm all the time)

- When I get married, its definately to a man who cooks, cleans and lets me be a starfish during sex because I've had so much to eat and drink. Also this is so far removed from what I'd have envsioned as someone who does everything in her own life.

- I have the constant concern ( and it is really an insecurity) that whenever I want to give out things to people, they are too small and I end up never giving them. But this lockdown I decided to give people what I have like that jare, its a pandemic. Asides reaching out to all my domestics to send them something small to hold body. I bought a soap and glory body wash set for the lady at the BA desk in lagos who got my ass on that flight ensuring I didn't miss trinidad. And then I got back and was stalling to give her because I felt I should have gotten her something more ghen ghen. It crossed my mind to give her a bottle of zara perfume I got for myself but I got one for my sister and my aunt so it was like a set. I literally had to talk myself into giving her the gift like that.

- There is no new normal. I hate the covid webinars. As an aside, anybody else's mother pronouce it the same way Ribena is pronouced? LOL

-There are a lot of things I say I want to do, but I really don't because if I did, I'd have started doing them already.

- I'm more concered about the person I'm going to be reporting to, at whatever new job I get, than what the role title is called. I really want an intelligent and challenging boss.

- I think I have a crush on HBO. if you know who that is, then you know. I l0ve intelligent men who have industry experience.

- I like kind men

- I find it harder to like people than love them.

- I continue to have the fantasy of older me in the south of france, with all my friends and their kids and a large table on a patio that connects to the kitchen and me screaming to every one to settle down, and when they finally settle down,  my voice cracks as I say " For the food we are about to receive, we thank you oh lord" and all the girls burst into laughter because its a QC food prayer and I reprimand one of their husbands saying " I did not hear your Amen" and someones asks me about the wine and everyone rolls their eyes while I say, oh this? it's from this years harvest from the vineyard.

- I might be suited to a much slower and languid pace of life than the frenzy of the old normal might have led me to believe

- I still love wine. I think this as I struggle to get through the remaining half bottle of the uber expensive whiskey someone gifted me for my last birthday.

- I caved and made my first wig, It's a super sleek power bob and it was heavily discounted when I bought it so I figure, why not? I got the weave on sale from lolavita hair, cost N24k or so.  A STEAL. I confess I forgot about it. but I've now remembered and wig life loading.

- I showed someone my linkedIN photo he said it looked like a Tinder shot. Honestly this packaging life will kill all of us, but I'm taking a newer photo sha. Let it not be because of slay Queen employer will say no.

- I might do my nails, by myself. Urgh God punish Covid 19.

Ps: travel blog updated

Masah Allah

I stumbled across this one instagram and flew to youtube to look for it.
This reminds me of the 2nd of January 2019 while I was lying in bed in Essaouria ( alone if I might add); I had just woken up and checked my phone of the results of my Exams.

Now the exams were good, but it was the second time I was retaking them so even though I was pretty confident, the exams were percentile based so my perfomance was gonna be graded against everyone else's perfomance as well. All of this is to say, that I was confident BUT also the tinest bit nervous.

Anyway I passed the exams as you know, but I was swamped with an overwhleming relief and then the Adhan started. I'd heard lots of it in Marakesh, but this one felt so different. So I laid in bed and listened till it was done.

And then texted and called everyone and tweeted.

Anyway I hope we are all keeping safe, and doing our best to social distance.

This week I listened to a podcast of a woman who said her dream was to work for the UN, which she started doing in Abuja, but then she got married had kids and is now a fitness coach for stay at home mothers.

And while I absoultely do not think becoming a stay at home mother is a bad thing, I was overcome with surprise and slight irritation by how quickly she let go of her life dreams to support her husband and nurter her marriage. She said she made a first class and she was the first person to do so in her department in her university because she knew that was her life's goal, travel around the world AND work in the UN doing international relations.

I say this as someone who had a front row seat to watchin my mother really go after everything she wanted including single parenting three children. That being said I realize not everyone has that zeal but at the same time I wish people wouldnt give up so easily and then say that them giving up is God's plan for them.

God's plan is to do exceedingly and abundantly more than you can ever imagine or dream. Which means our desires come from God.
So why are we playing small?

On sunday I was talking to my uncle and we were talking about earning, and I said I was buying some dollars and he said but you are technically unemployed, and I said actually I am unemployed, unemployed.
And he was like well but you are earning investment income and I said but it isnt my salary so.
I think people find it strange that I am comfortable being unemployed.

Which I find very fascinating. simply because for some reason if you are not gainfully employed people expect you to be panicked and maybe asking for hand outs. but it's really neither of those things for me. It's like I'm not working because I don't have a job. Thats it. Like when I get a job, I'll simply go back to working. I also think a big portion of who I am isn't tied to what I do for a living so it's not too hard to tell people that I am unemployed. because its simply what it is.


And I was in the shower thinking about that and I was thinking should I have told my uncle the number of months that I'd be able to go through unemployed if I wanted to and won't have to worry about money?

And then I also thought, about my relationship with God, and I told God, I really want to develop a relationship with you now that I am not in dire need of anything. I know that it's when your back is to the wall that people usually reach for God but I was like, look I'm in a good place I want to be in a good place with you now. I don't want it to be a situation of I needed this and I came to you.

And as I'm writing that, I'm thinking is the relationship you have with God better when its by choice or when circumstances have backed you into a corner and that's your only life line?
This lock down has slowed down everything and quietened everything in my mind and I can ask myself all these questions that I'd never have asked myself before, and has allowed me be comfortable with saying, I do not know, and I can sit with not knowing because I have nothing but time to figure it out. to untangle all the wires that have jumbled up while running around in the circles of lagos living.
so I guess we bobby valentino's lyrics "slow down I just wanna get to know ya' has some meaning.

Lagos state has lifted the ban tentative on May 4th. And I can't think of anything worse tbh. But my potential employers are going to get back to employing people so I need to get back to identifying what I'd want to do full time going forward.
And honestly I am at my wits end.
But I'm learning to trust that there is bigger plan for me. and its exceedingly abundantly more than whatever it is I imagine.

Hope all of you are well.
Oh and Ramadan Kareem to my Muslim brothers and Sisters.

Random

its so fascinating how there is not one site on the whole internet that has the functionality that lets me put in ALL my skincare products and then it generates a routine for me.

Because I have A LOT of skincare and I'm not buying anymore till all of them finish.

And when I say alot. I mean a lot lot lot.

Anyway I have started building the routine my self because if there is anything I'm tryna come out of qurantine with, asides being alive offcourse; it's glass like skin.

So my once in two day showering habit is clearly working against me. None the less.
The goal is really to have the skin on my face match my neck.

I've stopped wearing foundation because honestly- it's been a bitch to find my exact match, my skin is super oily and not to brag but my skin looks good enough to go without foundation these days.

I mean my last holiday I didn't bother wearing and it looked perfect.

Another thing I want, no NEED to learn is how to wear lashes. God give me steady hands please.

pss: I started a book club. Super duper amused/excited. I read a book wanted to discuss it at length couldnt find anyone so I started one. And honestly its rudimentary AF, but it works, 12 women who just want a distraction from being isolated. Reading a book a week and talking about it so viciously.


I am "also" hoping to get back into yoga even know my favorite mat is stuck in the studio in lekki one ( if you think this sounds like an excuse, it is and you are right).

last but not the least, I am hoping to write up a CV and apply for Jobs. Fantastically enough there are quite a ton of openings AND they are all up my alley, although everytime I think of writing my CV, I'm like I've been working for 10. TEN years?
WIUN.

Even though I am great with money- I have to say that I do not have the egg nest of someone who has worked for 10 years.
I mean 3 vacations a year will do that to you, but still.
Will need to revisit my financial goals for this decade. Actually will need to create financial goals for this decade and get into it. ASAPLY.

I really should get into writing, about my last holiday if not for anything to relive the whole process again. Honestly you people should brace yourselves to hear about this vacation for a very very very long time.

Also, do y'all think I should include a running thread of posts of the books my book club is reading?

Risky Risky

At the risk of sounding like an unbalanced deranged crazy woman,

 I am enjoying the corona lock down.

I know. And I feel horrible about it.

One of my closest friends is panicked because she has had to shut down two of her businesses,
the other one is stressed over some immigration hang ups now extra delayed by this lock down.
And a spread of other people who are generally anxious.

Me, I'm just happy for the very first time in a very long time to be doing nothing and having no expectations looming over me.

When my company shut down, I told myself 3 months and I'd go back to work. My mother wanted me back at work so I told her I'd get to it once I got back from my vacation.

And it was the best vacation of my life because I didn't have to worry about anyone calling me and asking me about work related anything. I also didn't have a budget because I felt working for a decade I had earned a treat. Hence a reckless holiday AND a purse ( that is stuck in the US because COVID).

Anyway. I came back and attempted to unpack and etc all the while networking and setting up interviews for jobs and attending interviews and speaking to recruiters but still not fully rested but also resigning my fate to the 3 month break ONLY FOR COVID lock down to swing by.

I am ashamed at how happy this time off is making me.

TBH, I should be anxious, as I have never ever ever since the day I got into university had this much free time in my life, little to no responsibilities and minimal concern about income. ( I think my investments are sorta nifty).

I feel so blessed. I have two meals everyday with my mother and we don't argue.
I sleep at 4am or 2 am or 5 am and wake up at noon or 1 or 2. then practice the piano and then read till 6pm.

Have dinner with my mother. Have a drink with my brother. My sister comes over sometimes we gist.

I'm washing my hands but honestly showering maybe once in two days.
I've had the same braids in for over a month because there was no way I was going to the saloon to take the out when this whole thing started. And I am honest to God uninterested about taking out my braids myself

Maybe I should do some more writing with this time?

Nah.

Maybe I should just enjoy this season of rest.

To everyone who is panicked now please here is one of my favorite bible passages for when things are going askew " Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the lord delivers him from ALL".

This too shall pass.

Today at dinner but really snacking at midnight, my mother asked me to come to newyork with her in september.

Honestly I think this virus will go as it came.

My friend is panicked about being locked in for a long time and I told him, even 100 years is forever, this too shall pass.

I hope you all take this period to relax, the Good lord knows we all need it.

Twenty Twenty

And everything was supposed to be double double for 2020.

This year was loosely unplanned for a number of reasons, 1- I didn't have to go to work everyday and because I was still doing a lot of ground work for my mother due to her 60th birthday coming up.
So that was that.

Then I went on holiday and had the time of my life. Unfortunately I did not have time to sample the trini men because ya girl was all partied OUT. That was the real party after party. After party after party. Well deserved because I sort of didn't have a budget and did not have any responsibilities asides occasionally send a decent looking photo to my mother and family members.

It was glorious. Add that to this I think for the first time so long I actually rested.
Then I went to tobago rented a car and drove around the island- a quick shout out to google maps for not getting me lost too many times.

I remember reading something from wendy about being careful about who fills up your cup. Before I went to tobago, my friend had mentioned that it was expensive and the logistics of driving were off because narrow roads with a city set on a hill.
My other friend was like- nah you good.

When I got there I was like, nah It can't be that bad.
Readers, it wasn't. Between the car and my hotel for 4 nights everything came to $400.
It was not as expensive as I envisioned, at all. it was fun.
And it's right had drive. the last time I drove right hand was in Cape town in 2016.

Anyway this bit is interesting because I went to an interview two weeks ago and the interviewer was trying to explain something to me and asked- do you drive, I said yes.
then he asked - have you driven right hand before?
and I said actually just got back from tobago where I drove right hand.

And he said so you will understand the basics of overiding your instincts and switching over when the need arises.

I said yes- because duh its an interview, but I had absolutely NO IDEA what he meant by that. I didn't bother asking him to explain because I'm like meh.

After tobago I went back to london where I saw Lionking the stage play and felt an overwhleming urge to make more than enough money so I could fly my aunt's kids to london and have them watch it!
I also swung by my friends house. And honestly that house was glorious. never seen house in the UK that looked so nice and lived in and lagos-y.

It was warm and filled with love. And I'm not saying the houses in london are not filled with love but the people who live in London CAN be cold. and it shows in their living conditions. Everything is rationed and measured and cut. This house had that buffer living that lagosians understand.
where something can be 6 but if its 6.5 that's okay too, its not the end of the world.

It had the flexibility of things not being exact and certainty that the lack of exactment would never translate to the end of the world. The kind that lagosians have and infuriates the whole world.

Case in point, when I told my trini friends on sunday how I hadn't gotten my costume but I was sure by monday I'd find something to wear.
And they were aghast. And by monday I found something to wear in the band I was looking to play in. they were surprised, I told them I'm Nigerian.

At the airport I tried out some traditional trinidadian food and threw up on the plane.
That has never happened to me ever. getting sick on the plane.
But I realized how mind your business-ey white people can get. ONLY one man ( mixed nationality) beside me gave me a paper bag when he saw how I struggled during the turbulence and the older man (black) behind me, asked me if I was feeling better once I got out of the bathroom after puking out my guts.

Not one of the air host/hostesses asked me a damn thing- AND THAT IS WHY I WILL NEVER FLY BRITISH AIRWAYS EVER AGAIN.
Also including the fact that this flight was delayed by two days and I spent them apphrensive about missing my vacation.

Back to Lagos and Self isolating with hercules who so kindly got me from the airport- even though he was characteristically late. and then after a night of reckless hotel sexing, he took me home to see my mum.

Anyway. One thing I found so interesting about the Caribbean was just how interesting their maintenance culture is.

I came home and now I want to throw out half of my shit. these people don't have anything they don't use.

Literally like i was in awe. even those who were fantastically loaded. They didn't have any gold ostentatiousness in their houses.

Like even with designer items. everyone literally just wore the clothes they own and looked super cute.
This is making me reconsider, I'm not very obsessed with material items to be fair- I did reward myself with a designer purse for passing my exams and even then it was an existential crisis because I was like I promised myself I'd get it for when I passed.
but I had just spent a ton of cash at Carnival.
And honestly I know it's self preservation that is making me not even add up how much I spent. but beloved it was worth every dollar.

Anyway I bought the purse, it was also 50% off. so. The choice was sort of made for me.

2020 has been a fantastic year so far, I can't even lie. I have enjoyed this hiatus from working that has thoroughly fucked up my sleep pattern. I mean my bed time is currently 3am, because I spent the last quarter in 2019  pulling all nighters for my exam, then followed by a fine romance that had me on the phone till 5am a lot of times ( honestly this was fun), that sort of led to me pseudo cohabiting then off to the Caribbean for carnvial and that one broke my body clock, which is why its 4:11am and I'm very awake.

hope you guys are all keeping well? and you are resting  and not struggling to make use of this compulsory holiday.
yall should rest.

no one knows when next you will get time off like this. and honestly I am sooo unbothered about finding a job, its boderline irresponsible, but I love this feeling ngl.
God got me, and all of us, because look at the birds etc etc you know the verse.

:)



 

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Happy new year my lovelies!

And now that we have gotten that out of the way.

Here are some super fun updates.

- I passed my exams. and let me tell you it was by the grace of God because that exam- NA DIE.
- I also spent christmas in Warri, if you have read this blog long enough- by now you know why.
- My office shut down and made all the staff redundant, which means I am unemployed.
- I am currenly prepping for my next vacation and let me tell you this shit has turned me into a cheap mathematician
- Hercules and I are back talking. (well more than talking), but we are sha talking talking. and ngl, he can be mad cute with me- and has been since we randomly linked up one weekend in october.
e.g after my exams he heard how stressed I was about my performance and took me to the beach for the weekend. as someone who always plans shit- this was mad refreshing. can't lie. he won himself major brownie points.
-I'm good for cash and I do not want to work for a while.and I know how ridiculous this sounds but honestly ya girl just wants to rest.
- I feel like this is the first time in my whole life adult life that I do not have anything on my plate and it feels so delicious.
-I mean I still wake up at 4:45am to hit the gym but yah
-Speaking of gym- I GOT A PERSONAL TRAINER. and honestly its easily the best and worst thing
-Since my office shut down decided to do ijebu and cram in some medical work because HMO, and got two fillings on the same day and now I think they are too high but I can drink cold water in peace so win win win.
-I am currently obsessed with Fireboy's what if I say.


I think thats about it for me.
as always I am super excited for the newyear and all the fresh changes it'll bring as well as the opportunity to rest my head and strategize. which i am immensely grateful for.