In control

So I think I give off the vibe that I have all my life under control.

Today I couldn't rationalise buying a pack and pearl tampons for N4,000 but went to the liquor store and bought the most delicious bottle of moscato for myself to drink at about the same price.

Even though I am trying to slow down my drinking.

Anyways, I think I struggle to sell myself.

Like look, I am amazing at what I do. please Hire me now.

Why do I need to convince you that I actually can do what I know I can do.

There should be sell your self classes in University -because hello real life skill.

I think I am ready to become deliberate with my new friendships.

So if you have a private jet - Hi I am open to being friends with you. and I promise to clean up after myself and to not be tardy( Last bit is a lie- BUTTT I am working on it)

I am dying to tell you guys about all the things going on in my life.
But I need you guys to remember that God makes everything beautiful in his own time.

Including my holiday ready manicure.

:)

I would put up a photo but. nah

Ps- Why do people who know me in real life laugh at me when I say I am anonymous on twitter.

I am though.

On responses that no one asked you for.

because really at the end of the day it is just hair.

So obviously I am at work and instead of working, I'm combing through my usual blogs (ps- I am still crying about the reduction in the frequency of personal blogposts)

Anyways I come across this interesting post about hair.

Which is really good that people are beginning to take note about.

Currently my hair is in 6 plaits all back across my head and its really rough because this is the second week running.

My bosses do not even care anymore and HR has started to emulate me my plaiting their own hair.

When I comes to hair, I'm pretty much the path of least resistance.

I mean, I have an event I NEED to slay at, my hair has to be LAID.  and it could be braids, or crochet or a weave, as long as it shows my good side and is flipping low maintenance.

For someone with relaxed hair, I take super super super good care of my hair according to my natural friend Eneni, Ore you are really extra with this hair shit.

Meaning I do a pre-poo treatment before I shampoo, I do minimal heat and I do not comb wet hair.

Anything else is Jara.

But what I have learnt working in corporate Nigeria and carrying didi to work (no wig) is that no one cares if you do not care.

I work in a building with about 20 other companies and we all use the same 4 elevators, I'm constantly on my phone while riding, so I am yet to have anyone stop me and ask why my hair isn't done.

And if I ever get asked, I would respond- IT IS DONE. Just not how you like

which is really fine because it is not your hair and it is not on your head, so really.

Now for all my bragging I will be the first to admit that a huge chunk of this confidence stems from the fact that Eros hates the wig life. Which translates to the fact that I am confident enough to carry my didi because in the Nigerian wife lingo for "how is it your problem"= My husband is not complaining.

And because of how many extra minutes of sleep it gives me in the mornings- Neither am I.

Pss- Yesterday my client asked me if I was transitioning. I laughed and told her nah, I'm going on holiday in a week- I need my hair to be FRESSHHHH. meaning one week in literally.

Pss- Still undecided about what I should do to said hair. torn between crochet braids- because lying down around the pool for IG photos  swimming or a weave because my dress for the event is this thigh high slitted monostrap pink dress and I have been dreaming about that shayla hair flip for waaaaaay to long.

Either way- These IG followers gon get it!

On the future.

So while I have been praying for a bunch of stuff.
And they have been coming to fruition. ( I know color me excited!), I did not realise that I had been so fixated on the past.

On the things I didn't want, on the things I wanted to leave behind and on the things I needed to stop.

Focusing on these just further strengthened the already existing neural pathways they commanded in my head.

There were a lot of things I wanted to get into but I had been paralyzed by some sort of fear mostly that I lack lasting power to finish strong. ( This has been slowly dispelled from my mind- will go into it in a minute).

And so I never did anything asides what I had to do.

But I'm learning that these strong holds are false, and the learning is accidental.

For one, I do have lasting power to finish strong(This sounds sexual but it really isnt), I just need to have enough riding on the need to finish.
-Case in point, My sister's wedding planning.

Even me I am surprising myself daily.

Everyday I say I do not like people, but everyday I am finding that people like me a lot so.

2.I am pulling through daily. making lists and crossing them out. ( I guess that's really all one needs to hit completion).

But I thought I couldnt finish because at work, I would start strong and half way I would just be like- fuck this shit, and by the time I need to wrap up the engagement I'm just here like- I DO NOT NEED THIS SHIT.

But it turns out my person needs things wrapped up and tidy and all that jazz.

But I discovered this, not in trying to focus my energies on work but just steady building at completing my sisters wedding.

So now I know I can finish strong, I am here to talk about all the things I am looking forward to finally doing.

-1 using the candle I bought from miami 3 years ago in the guest bathroom at my new house (Yes I'm moving house)

-2 accumulating flier miles from my new job such that I can go to three new countries every year for a pittance! (yay)

-3 Finally seeing dubai

-4 Getting into the fights I have been avoiding because I know that there is help

-5 Fighting for what I want, getting it, and KEEPING it tightly. ( this is personal but I will talk about this later)

-6 Enjoying my new relationship with money because the lord provides all my needs according to his riches in glory.

-7 making a choice between long nails and completing learning how to play the piano. ( So help me God)

-8 Becoming an interior decorating genius. because again, new house and hopefully final Home.

I think I am a bit too open and I want to become a bit more guarded.- what do you think?

And yet another update and #becomingabetterhusband

Today listening to the radio and I just realised I might have figured out what my calling is.

What could this be you ask?

Welllllll

My latest calling is curbing the excesses of men before the decide they want to get married.

Because prevention is better than cure.

And due to the sex bias inherent in all people who better than a married woman to point out the very obvious but still somehow over looked flaws that many men have.

and guard so selfishly.

Mate- you are playing yourself.

But to get to this- would be the most important underlying factor that men (who are christains or even demon worshipers) have to deal with is this.

A marriage not working out is your fault. You are the head of the house. So you know how the ship sinks the captain takes the fall. The same is applicable to marriage, Guard your ship.

Fearlessly. Because we will judge you when it sinks.

My point is this, men have to become more responsible, with their money, with their time and with the lives and love of the women who want to become one with them.

This is the only way for peace to reign.

And you know how else my classes/articles will help you; BY not listening to men who tell you to hit your wives.

Stop listening to bad counsel.

You want to know how counsel is bad- Google the advice you get and add "what does the bible say regarding this".

I guarantee you, you will know.

And the googling is just for demo, because odds are you probably already KNOW it's shit advice.

Off course there would be those asking me why the men and not the women.

Urgh- Trust me all the women I know probably all know more than I do. Women are experiencing an information overload and nearing saturation when it comes to preparation for marriage advice.

Worst part of that advice is that it stems from damage control.

People who are happily married will probably tell you they pray and xyz, those who are in bad marriages always have the most to type out on face book. and yen yen yen.

Listen women, this post is not for you.

Men, come with your pen and paper, let me make you better husbands, lovers and generally all round human beings.

Remember, Happy wife, Happy Life.
Pss- I will post one thing on this every week. with the hashtag #becomingabetterhusband

or #BABH. bab-h? I like the sound of it.

pss- why are there no ghen ghen movies this summer?!!!!

Why composure is the master key

After prayer to God in heaven through Jesus his son obviously.

On Wednesday evening after work I saw tarzan the movie.

It was glorious. I quite liked all the action scenes and what not.

Anyway, when we finished, Eros wanted to grab some KFC because he was hungry but I wanted hans and rene and they closed at 9pm.

KFC girl took her sweet damn time even after I told her to please hurry because I wanted to pop into the next store for some agbalumo and zobo gelato.

meh- Home girl pressed rewind and was being super slow.


All the while this strange looking man kept staring at me. Like it was the weirdest thing.

Like he would look, then remove his face, then stare harder times 2.

I was like urgh abeg.

So I said ah Eros see this man he keeps looking at me.

Turns out it his uncle*.

So they hug and say hey and all that all the while I'm really upset because hans and rene has closed.

And he comes back to me saying come and meet my uncle and I'm like urgh. I want ice cream you are saying I should come and meet your uncle.

So I do a twirl and the uncle had gotten up so I smile the widest possible smile.

His uncle looks at me and says- did you ever consider being an actress?

we all just start laughing.

And he said you know I had been staring at you because you looked so much like *insert My mother in laws name here* and he was really wondering if she had any younger ones in lagos because you know. I look a lot like her. So imagine his shock when he finds that Eros is actually married to the spitting image of his mother.

*round of applause for Eros limited selection*

-Side bar, when people say this that I look so much like my MIL, I feel really bad for them because I am NOTHING, like her in temperament. The matriarch of Eros' family found this out the oddest way and went to tell my mother to teach me to be humble.

I think my mother went further to clear her doubt.

What i am saying in essence is this- My mother in law is the sweetest, probably most docile person I know. without airs and graces, just staying in her own lane, you know doing her thing easily. no dragging. no tearing of shirt type life style.

I also think people sense the difference and say a silent pray for Eros because it must be a hard transition coming from a home where everyone jumps at what daddy says to one where your wife is like oh, you said something?

We had a really nice conversation with his uncle, who was so pleased. to see Eros and was so happy he got married.

-Another side bar, his family members always seem so happy that he is married. It is really strange because you know how it is only as if women are the ones that should get married.

Anyways moral of the story is this. Ore needs to stop showing herself outside.
ps- he also seemed impressed that I had a job doing what I did. *and was probably doing the math in the head of the dynamics of how the marriage will work*

Everyone seems to be doing that these days. What does your husband do- Hmnnn. Maybe you should/ have you considered/ perhaps you should look into.

Me: Maybe you should mind your business? I do not know just maybe?

Pss: My sisters wedding is going along so splendidly. It is amazing really.
I love it.

Eros keeps scolding me, but last night he said- I do not think planners are even this concerned about the weddings of their clients.

I am on the phone day and night weekdays. market on Saturdays. and having my eyes constantly peeled out for vendor deals around the clock on Sundays.

And as in everything in life, you get what you bargain for.
So do not be unwilling to negotiate. okay?

  

*for the sake of my non Nigerian  readers, this loosely translates to father/mothers friend.

I should write more

Even when I am feeling excited about a lot of things.
I should put my thoughts in order and write out properly how I feel.

Now let me tell you how funny life is- I did a job for a manager last financial year and she gave me 2.

that is over 5 mind you. That means that I did not meet expectation on the job.

Which in reality mean I do not get promoted this financial year.

But after printing out the slander and taking it to my counselor, He was like LOL, It's beef she will change it to 3, do not worry.

She did change it.
But by doing that she put my name in the mouth of office rumor mill.

And there is nothing Ore hates more than a gossip narrative about herself that she did not 1- share and 2- can not control.

Anyway we move past it and we are all happy and jolly.

When- guess who asks me to come and work for her again. On the same assignment she gave me 2 for.

That is when I realised that many are mad but few are roaming.

You would have assumed that if I did such a poor job, she would give me a wide berth.

Turns out she was just mad I went on vacation without telling her.

Which is odd because she has asked me to come and work for her but my next vacation just got approved.

Can I get an Encore?

My partner is the court jester with this set up.

And guess who still hasn't told her she is going on vacation?

Because really when you do your worst.

People stop to fear you.

And it is really a shame when people that should have some semblance of respect for you. stop because you showed your hand to early.

In the words of Khaled- You played yourself.


Now onto my upcoming vacation, because we are all Christians and we all love to do the lords bidding- who is going to give cheerfully to my cause?

I will set up a go fund me- If you people assure me you will contribute.

Maybe I should run a half marathon to raise the money- Because this vacation must be taken.

I lowkey envy people who do not travel. or do not have to endure wanderlust.

Maybe if I do more photo posting on IG, I will always look back fondly at the trips?

All I know is that I need to find a way to travel every quarter. Because Nigeria finds a way to drain your energy.

Or maybe if I'm honest, I'm just dying of envy that Eros just got back from holiday with two full suitcases and I was forced to be excited to look at all the things that you can't wear and that do not concern you.

In his defence- we do not wear the same size.

Still but yet.

Ps- I have become obsessed with Pandora bracelets.

Which is really strange, because I honest do not like expensive things.

Currently trying to reconcile spending all that money on Iron Twine.

I'm here for the charms though.

Thinking of swaping my fridge magnet travel habit for pandora airport charms.

More expensive but that way- my wear my memories literally on my sleeves.

Literally.

ps- Who remembers when this was my favorite word?

pss- I am really leaning into this minimal lifestyle thing.- who knows why?