Tuesday, September 22, 2015

On Tampons and Ex-boyfriends

I started wearing tampons relatively early

I say relatively judging my the senior aunties on my TL that haven't ever tried them.

Let me tell you tampons have made me a better person.

How did I get into Tampons?

I am glad you asked that question.

When I was in Uni, I was dating someone. (not seriously- Casually) * this line will self destruct because I have no ex's.

Anyway So I used to whine. WHINE. to my then bae, about how; I hated Always. ( sanitary pad)

I was ALWAYS getting stained.
Forget those stupid adverts.
I would be on my period and EVERY single night I would draw map of Japan on my bed

Every single night. Some days sef I would go and visit someone in their room, Get up to go and boom -Me stuttering; Sorry I think I stained your bed)

Plus the sticker on the pad wings were horrible.
As in; the thing would stick on my pubic hair and give me an unrequested bikini wax.

In essence my period days were dark and struggle filled.

I mean there were other issues But bloody sheets every morning and sticky pads to my bikini line were at the top of the foodchain.

Anyway fastforward to My then boo going on IT and coming to visit me in school. He had a surprise for me

A Box of tampons.

I was slightly hesistant because -Urgh to putting this thing into my vagina.

And what if it gets stuck and what if the rope cuts and all the what ifs.

Anyway So I used a tampon, and except that one time when my tampon over flowed.

I have never till this day experienced any staining.

Except when I want to allow my Vag rest.

And I get stained. Again like clock work.

Will forever be thankful and grateful to my ex boyfriend for putting me on tampons.

Now Three other things.

I do not ever use Nigerian always.
I know how bougie It sounds but the foreign pads, You might as well be wearing panyt.

I love the texture.

Second- no more unwarranted bikini waxing.

The glue stays on to the other wing stead fast.

Like My mother knows all she needs to buy me when she travel's " london always and mac lipstick at duty free".

Even the always SP, I bought when I went to gambia was superior. ( Lions of africa- how far??)

I never use paper applicator tampons.

because I imagine that the claws of the applicators scratching against my insides and so;
I always ALWAYS ALWAYS use the plastic applicators.


They say you shouldn't ever keep in your tampons for more than 8 hours because of TSS.
Toxic Shock Syndrome.

Apparently there is a 30% death rate from TSS in America.

which loosely translates to 3 in 10 women that enter the hospital because of this reason -DIE.

its high.

so be careful, If you do decide to morph into a tampon weilding ninja like myself-

Try to shower twice a day and change your tampon at least twice a day which means you will use at least 3 tampons a day fulfilling the 8 hour rule for tampons. (24 hours divided by 3 is 8) so you are safe. ( rough estimate)

So you know how I spoke about talking to jeweler, So I fixed an appointment.
You guys this appointment was like by 10pm.
9:45 my alarm went off and I was running around like a headless chicken because

Ore couldn't remember her skype password AND Eros was being a slow coach ( because I woke him up from sleep)

Shaaa at 10:01 nepa took light.
Children of God at 10:03 Gen came on

at 10:06 gen went off.
So I ask Eros; Should we just skype him with your phone?

Him: In this darkness,you want him to think you are poorer than you already think you are- being Nigerian.

Side bar: My co-worker met Eros today and said - he is so strict.

me: Huh? My Bubba is a teddy bear.

But secretly excited that she knows to tuck in that familiarity.

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I keep getting little signs that maybe I am on the right track, Just maybe,