Update

Third and probably final installation of my little sexcapade.


I felt my partner might have been getting a bit too involved and I had to remind him that I was not in the market for anything more than what we had.

I do not think he took it well.

Actually he didn't because we said we should cancel our hook up session after he tried to bait me into having a fight about nothing.


And I said okay.

so why has my darling been calling me, round the clock? and messaging me? and sending me voice notes?

I think he is surprised I am ignoring them.
but to be fair.
All I want is good sex with minimal emotional labor.

the reason I had to remind him that we were not anything concrete was that he had spent friday night dragging me around Lagos and I kinda wasn't interested.

Oh ALSO, one of his friends invited me and him as a Unit - Unit because the word couple gives me hives- to dinner at his house. And that really freaked me out.

Because ya girl is not emotionally mature enough to know how to be friends with the men she has causal sexual relations with.

So I might have panicked.

I mean I knew this whole thing was going to end, I just didn't think it'd end with him trying to literally finesse me into ship of sorts.

Also I just realized how difficult it is to get a reaction out of me, these days.
Like I was uninterested.
Me 3 years ago would have written an essay trying to convey, poorly mind you, how and why I hate certain actions.
But now, I'm just like "Okay".

In the words of Kanye west, you can either leave or live with it.
There is no need for non stop deliberation on issues that will never change.

That being said.
I will miss having such delicious sex.

Like hayyyy.
My vagina is heart broken.

Ice ice baby

Do I come across as cold?
I mean I figure a good number of my readers have followed me for donkey years and they'd know if I was a cold person or nah?

So since all good things come to an end or at least get a break; I got my period over the weekend putting paid to all the delicious sex I have been having.
Now since I am an idiot, and not very adulty I kept avoiding my sexual partner, because casual period sex for me- issa no no.

Anyway after insistent messaging, I gave in and decided to see him after my day.

And since there was no sex to be had, we had to have conversation.
And so I mentioned that I had been married before and I have an ex husband and I am technically still married because my divorce isn't concluded yet.

And he was like oh. Is that why you are cold?

I'm like excuse you??!

Anyway I rolled my eyes and he starts to explain about how sometimes we might be talking on the phone and I abruptly get off the phone. Or how I shut down conversation regarding myself, and how I'm always so tight lipped.

And so I asked,  " does this Ice seep into the sex?"
He said no
and I said, we are done here.

If the sex is warm what are you worried about?

Also is it rude to tell someone who might possible like you, and who you do not like much but enjoy having sex with them that, you just wanna have sex with them indefinitely?

Because beloved, I'd hate to loose all this prime sexing over a little imagined ice.

PS: I had someone coming from America and instead of ordering sanitary towels like I usually do, I ordered 4 dozen condoms.
If I am not finished, I have no idea what I am.
*whispers under breath* I am not finished in Jesus name

Lets talk about sex baybee

So guys.

I have been having the most delicious sex of my life.

With the absolute worst person I can even ever imagine.

Like if this is not a catch 22. I do not know what it is,

You know when something is clearly bad for you but is so good so you are just like yah- fuck it?

Exactment.

I was telling my friend that this sex is the single  most delicious sin that Jesus Christ died for.


Now this presents two problems for me.

1-I think my boy is already catching the feelings and
2- I did not think this my clandestine hotel popping behavior through properly.

and your girl is unwilling to actually go to his house because- eek.
Actually since I gave up men and the concept of relationships; I stopped going to men's houses.

And I think I am about to break that.

Don't have sex outside marriage kids.  It will ruin you.

But in a good way because when you get into childs pose at yoga, you feel a twinge in your innner thigh and you smile.

Also, I'm not a huge kisser.  This stems from ( nvm will talk about that later). but I have def not been a big saliva swapper, especially casually.

But beloved. being kissed all over every where has never felt this good.
and how is it at almost 30, that I figure I might have been kissing all wrong?

The kisses are like learning a new language in  first person real time, only me only now. everything ceases to exist.

Beloved. this is the sex that the M&B authors speak off. The sex is seamless. The banter is LIT. There is such comfort that I'm like OMG OMG OMG.

And this is an unreasonable amount of sex, I only just realized this when I looked through my dwindling stash of condoms, that I'm running up some serious mileage on my vagina.

Anyway I realized that this might be a problem for me when I found myself driving down to my house at 5:20am without underwear from an impromptu sex session.

But this is a problem I welcome with open arms.

I was talking to my friend about it and he said, you have sex with someone three times in one week sis you are in a relationship.

Me: Yes with his penis.

Now back to the person who I am having this glorious sex with.

He is physically, not my type. I do not have a type, but if I did it won't be him.
Conventionally he is unattractive and lives a very alte lifestyle that doesn't really agree with me.
And he has these weird ass friends, that he keeps trying to get me to hang out with in the strangest places.
And quite frankly- I can't stand him.

None the less, the energy between our bodies might be visible to even the most un-discerning because, I was leaving the club on Saturday night with someone else AND he stopped by to hug me.  Someone pulled me aside and said : I hope you aren't fucking that guy.

And I lied.

I think that was the first time I realized that maybe this thing might be stressful.
Like why did I lie?

I mean, I'm single, I'm allowed to be sleeping with who ever I want and here I am having the most delicious sex and i'm lying about it.

And I have been thinking about why I lied, and I'm coming up blank.

Ps: I met someone who might just be a thing.
pss: not the sex boy
psss: How can I bottle this delicious sex and make it last so perfectly?
pssss: I realise that It might seem like I am exaggerating, but beloved, I do not even have the worlds to accurately describe the perfection that these sessions are.
psssss: It gets better. the sex. every time is better than the last. It makes no sense.

Currently

Listening non stop to

Baby all these nights

I've struggled and fought my pride

scared that someone your type

couldn't see past my flaws.

Reading

Kitchen confidential,

It's a tell all that Anthony Bourdain wrote. The first and arguably the best of  the 20 something books he wrote.

Thinking

about a lot of things. 

Top of the list is if I want to continue fraternizing with someone I know who does drugs ( recreationally)

- about if I should retake these exams, because preparation is so time consuming.

-If I should get a brazilian this week OR wait till next month when my wax girl comes in from 

Abuja?

- of what color of nail polish to get done.

Celebrating

-Answered prayers from God.

My home girl had this issue and I had prayed and prayed and prayed and I put it on my list for halleluyah challenge and prayed ehn. Today she messaged me that it had come through. RELIEF.

My other friend had been writing ICAN forever, literally.  Today too, she told me she had passed the exams. I was so happy.

- My potential booty call on friday.

- Waste his time wednesday (issa movement)

- My new role, I actually really like it. I'm working. I mean teething problems with my boss but never have I been happier to over promise and leave them to take what they get like that. :)

Match Makers R Us.

Sparingly Occasionally  I hook my friends up with men and women who I think will make a wonderful couple.

I also have introduced 2 couples that have gone on to get married.

So yeah I think I am a good judge of xter and what goes and what doesn't.

Anyway I have a friend who I introduced to one of my home girls from QC, who also doubles as a patriarchy princess.

Which isn't a bad thing, she doesn't want to give anyone her money but she will wash plates and do all the domestic lifting. Sounds like a stupid stance, but I'm big on live and let live.

Last week the boy messaged me and said your friend said she has no interest in contributing financially to anything ever.

Off course I say nothing to him because I know that this boy LOVES, being pampered- he is awon, this girl said she liked me and didn't send me food or come and cook for me- and loves to pay for shit. so I'm thinking yeah. whatever.

Then SHE, hits me up and is like please I don't want him to think I'm independent because I'm not about that life at all.

Now my friend is stunning. Like she is a very good looking but for some reason can't seem to find her someone who is the one.

Now because I know all the men in Lagos are looking for a domestic goddess I'm like it can't be that hard to settle on one man, since you seem to fit the spec, and she is like nah she doesn't understand it.

Also she told me of someone she was supposed to go on a date with, but he had a car problem and was trying to suggest she picked him up, and she said- she could not because she would have been too irritated the whole date.

Ps, my girl is not broke by any standard o, she has an MBA from one of the ivy league schools in America and works a very good job.

But I wonder what makes you so unwilling to part with money when you have excess.
I asked her and she said it's when men have free money that they get up to no good.

I didn't want to tell her.

I've always been one of those people who when they want something, they find ways around it, and I could swear she was one of those as well, so imagine my surprise when I found out that she told the guy  that she wasn't interested in helping her husband pay rent.

I had to ask her, if he had asked to marry her? because Forward much?

As an aside, I think both of them will actually get along very well. she fits his aesthetic as him her.

Actually I'm wholly rooting for both of them.





 

Growth

This post has me in stitches.

I failed my exam I spent the last few months slaving for. This time though, I did not spend any time in my office bathroom crying.

Instead I took a day off and drank champagne because that is what I planned to do when I got the result.
My mother came home and was like - ah, see the person I'm feeling sorry for enjoying her life.


If the last few years have taught me anything, is that life goes on. and on and on. ( and also my sugar baby reminded me this in the sweetest sweetest sweetest response to one of mu Tiny letters)

I will retake the exams in November, but this means I have to cancel my vacation to America because I need the leave days.

As you can imagine that is the most stressful thing for me.

Anyway I am seriously thinking about moving countries. A friend of mine is moving to cotonou and I'm like hmnnn. Maybe that won't be a bad idea.

My uncle think's I'm at a cross roads. I had been feeling like it bit him saying it sort of crystallized it for me.

What am I running to? what am I running from?
Where am I trying to be with my life in the next few years.

I told him I was thinking of getting another passport and he said if I wanted one just for ease of travel, the costs of marrying for a new passport is too high for the benefit.
If there is anyone I'd listen to, it's him. he has been unhappily married as long as I can remember.

And he is also one of the few men, who dud not stress me when I split from Eros.

I went to a party on Saturday and I think I'm over this Oyibo boyfriend life I'm looking for.
They can keep the craziness.
Imma pass.

I miss This girl so so so much. It is unreal how much of my social life revolved around her.

Also it is nice when people understand you straight away. I hate spending so much time having to repeat my self because these people don't understand.

That being said. I am thankful.
And even more thankful that I did not have to go away to become thankful.

Thinking of going somewhere for the long holiday. in august, but I wonder where I should go.