Lets talk about sex baybee

So guys.

I have been having the most delicious sex of my life.

With the absolute worst person I can even ever imagine.

Like if this is not a catch 22. I do not know what it is,

You know when something is clearly bad for you but is so good so you are just like yah- fuck it?

Exactment.

I was telling my friend that this sex is the single  most delicious sin that Jesus Christ died for.


Now this presents two problems for me.

1-I think my boy is already catching the feelings and
2- I did not think this my clandestine hotel popping behavior through properly.

and your girl is unwilling to actually go to his house because- eek.
Actually since I gave up men and the concept of relationships; I stopped going to men's houses.

And I think I am about to break that.

Don't have sex outside marriage kids.  It will ruin you.

But in a good way because when you get into childs pose at yoga, you feel a twinge in your innner thigh and you smile.

Also, I'm not a huge kisser.  This stems from ( nvm will talk about that later). but I have def not been a big saliva swapper, especially casually.

But beloved. being kissed all over every where has never felt this good.
and how is it at almost 30, that I figure I might have been kissing all wrong?

The kisses are like learning a new language in  first person real time, only me only now. everything ceases to exist.

Beloved. this is the sex that the M&B authors speak off. The sex is seamless. The banter is LIT. There is such comfort that I'm like OMG OMG OMG.

And this is an unreasonable amount of sex, I only just realized this when I looked through my dwindling stash of condoms, that I'm running up some serious mileage on my vagina.

Anyway I realized that this might be a problem for me when I found myself driving down to my house at 5:20am without underwear from an impromptu sex session.

But this is a problem I welcome with open arms.

I was talking to my friend about it and he said, you have sex with someone three times in one week sis you are in a relationship.

Me: Yes with his penis.

Now back to the person who I am having this glorious sex with.

He is physically, not my type. I do not have a type, but if I did it won't be him.
Conventionally he is unattractive and lives a very alte lifestyle that doesn't really agree with me.
And he has these weird ass friends, that he keeps trying to get me to hang out with in the strangest places.
And quite frankly- I can't stand him.

None the less, the energy between our bodies might be visible to even the most un-discerning because, I was leaving the club on Saturday night with someone else AND he stopped by to hug me.  Someone pulled me aside and said : I hope you aren't fucking that guy.

And I lied.

I think that was the first time I realized that maybe this thing might be stressful.
Like why did I lie?

I mean, I'm single, I'm allowed to be sleeping with who ever I want and here I am having the most delicious sex and i'm lying about it.

And I have been thinking about why I lied, and I'm coming up blank.

Ps: I met someone who might just be a thing.
pss: not the sex boy
psss: How can I bottle this delicious sex and make it last so perfectly?
pssss: I realise that It might seem like I am exaggerating, but beloved, I do not even have the worlds to accurately describe the perfection that these sessions are.
psssss: It gets better. the sex. every time is better than the last. It makes no sense.

Currently

Listening non stop to

Baby all these nights

I've struggled and fought my pride

scared that someone your type

couldn't see past my flaws.

Reading

Kitchen confidential,

It's a tell all that Anthony Bourdain wrote. The first and arguably the best of  the 20 something books he wrote.

Thinking

about a lot of things. 

Top of the list is if I want to continue fraternizing with someone I know who does drugs ( recreationally)

- about if I should retake these exams, because preparation is so time consuming.

-If I should get a brazilian this week OR wait till next month when my wax girl comes in from 

Abuja?

- of what color of nail polish to get done.

Celebrating

-Answered prayers from God.

My home girl had this issue and I had prayed and prayed and prayed and I put it on my list for halleluyah challenge and prayed ehn. Today she messaged me that it had come through. RELIEF.

My other friend had been writing ICAN forever, literally.  Today too, she told me she had passed the exams. I was so happy.

- My potential booty call on friday.

- Waste his time wednesday (issa movement)

- My new role, I actually really like it. I'm working. I mean teething problems with my boss but never have I been happier to over promise and leave them to take what they get like that. :)

Match Makers R Us.

Sparingly Occasionally  I hook my friends up with men and women who I think will make a wonderful couple.

I also have introduced 2 couples that have gone on to get married.

So yeah I think I am a good judge of xter and what goes and what doesn't.

Anyway I have a friend who I introduced to one of my home girls from QC, who also doubles as a patriarchy princess.

Which isn't a bad thing, she doesn't want to give anyone her money but she will wash plates and do all the domestic lifting. Sounds like a stupid stance, but I'm big on live and let live.

Last week the boy messaged me and said your friend said she has no interest in contributing financially to anything ever.

Off course I say nothing to him because I know that this boy LOVES, being pampered- he is awon, this girl said she liked me and didn't send me food or come and cook for me- and loves to pay for shit. so I'm thinking yeah. whatever.

Then SHE, hits me up and is like please I don't want him to think I'm independent because I'm not about that life at all.

Now my friend is stunning. Like she is a very good looking but for some reason can't seem to find her someone who is the one.

Now because I know all the men in Lagos are looking for a domestic goddess I'm like it can't be that hard to settle on one man, since you seem to fit the spec, and she is like nah she doesn't understand it.

Also she told me of someone she was supposed to go on a date with, but he had a car problem and was trying to suggest she picked him up, and she said- she could not because she would have been too irritated the whole date.

Ps, my girl is not broke by any standard o, she has an MBA from one of the ivy league schools in America and works a very good job.

But I wonder what makes you so unwilling to part with money when you have excess.
I asked her and she said it's when men have free money that they get up to no good.

I didn't want to tell her.

I've always been one of those people who when they want something, they find ways around it, and I could swear she was one of those as well, so imagine my surprise when I found out that she told the guy  that she wasn't interested in helping her husband pay rent.

I had to ask her, if he had asked to marry her? because Forward much?

As an aside, I think both of them will actually get along very well. she fits his aesthetic as him her.

Actually I'm wholly rooting for both of them.





 

Growth

This post has me in stitches.

I failed my exam I spent the last few months slaving for. This time though, I did not spend any time in my office bathroom crying.

Instead I took a day off and drank champagne because that is what I planned to do when I got the result.
My mother came home and was like - ah, see the person I'm feeling sorry for enjoying her life.


If the last few years have taught me anything, is that life goes on. and on and on. ( and also my sugar baby reminded me this in the sweetest sweetest sweetest response to one of mu Tiny letters)

I will retake the exams in November, but this means I have to cancel my vacation to America because I need the leave days.

As you can imagine that is the most stressful thing for me.

Anyway I am seriously thinking about moving countries. A friend of mine is moving to cotonou and I'm like hmnnn. Maybe that won't be a bad idea.

My uncle think's I'm at a cross roads. I had been feeling like it bit him saying it sort of crystallized it for me.

What am I running to? what am I running from?
Where am I trying to be with my life in the next few years.

I told him I was thinking of getting another passport and he said if I wanted one just for ease of travel, the costs of marrying for a new passport is too high for the benefit.
If there is anyone I'd listen to, it's him. he has been unhappily married as long as I can remember.

And he is also one of the few men, who dud not stress me when I split from Eros.

I went to a party on Saturday and I think I'm over this Oyibo boyfriend life I'm looking for.
They can keep the craziness.
Imma pass.

I miss This girl so so so much. It is unreal how much of my social life revolved around her.

Also it is nice when people understand you straight away. I hate spending so much time having to repeat my self because these people don't understand.

That being said. I am thankful.
And even more thankful that I did not have to go away to become thankful.

Thinking of going somewhere for the long holiday. in august, but I wonder where I should go.

FINESSE

I am actually the queen of finesse, so when I got this job  last year I was like meh.
Long story short I loads of issues with the people I worked with.

Like one kept trying to get me fired.
He'd send stinker emails behind my back to HR in SA requesting them to move me talking about how I was dragging his team back.

Long story short.
I started talking to HR in SA separately. I spoke to people on a different team I followed up with people in the new group I wanted to work with and got a pulse of what they lacked. THEN I put a plan in motion and started underG.

I was terrified BUT there was no way I was not going to move.
Anyway long story short, today I got annouced for a new role that did not exist.

Like I created the role, convinced HR I take a risk and hire me AND then the guy who was trying to get me fired, had to announce the move today.

YOU GUYS I AM SO HAPPY.

MY HEART IS SO FULL I CAN ACTUALLY CRY.

I did not even realize how much I was holding out for this.

I'm so thankfullll.

and so happy
and so elated.

Now to work so hard, I will be sent to Thailand by my office for the global retreat.

As I said finesse is my middle name.

Are you okay and other stories.

The last few months have been difficult for me.
Not in the I'm broke way but when you count the cost of an task to undertake but you some how skip out the emotional cost.

I am always there for my friends.
Among my MANY redeeming qualities; this is at the TOP of the list.

And I do not even say this to toot my horn, but if you are my friend, I will go to war with you.
It's how I've always been.
Fiercely loyal and dependable.

So being unable to be there for people in my life because of the task at hand was hard. And not even in an ego way but hard in a, I'm so sorry I can't be there for you more way. but I need to get these exams done.

Anyway anthony bourdain is dead. He was 61 and committed suicide.

I almost started crying when I saw it. I'm almost still crying.
It is awful

One of my newer male friends who is a freelance journalist wrote for his parts unknown.
Like its crazy.
I want to reach out to everyone I know and be like

ARE YOU OKAY? Tell me talk to me

I am so sad about his death
I was having a shit day and now this.

Now usually I'd have gone to Ikoyi club this evening to have a drink and talk about how awful this is, but my partner has moved.
Crazy, she writes about going through it  in real life and popping off on social media here
While all my lives are connected, I understand that people live separate lives and seek solace in them.

But a lot of my friendships are those " real life, chill at home real life living"

Eric who was bourdain's best friend who also was the one that introduced his wife Octavia to him was the one that found him dead in his hotel room in france.
He just finished shooting parts unknown in Hongkong.

To say I am shook is an understatement.
I hope my friends are okay.
I know it's trying times now but this too shall pass. And when it does It will be a glorious day.

Kindess. Faith. Love. Excited

Last night, my mum came to see me because we hadn't caught up in a minute.
And she said I wasn't kind anymore.
I told her, I just started putting myself first and all of you are sad that I'm not running around for you people again.

She seemed surprised.
My family is very ungrateful. But I guess that is what kindness is, helping even when the response is ungratefulness.




Everyone but most especially Yorubae, tells me to have faith.
Incase you are wondering these are about my exams.
To give you a little context on how that went, It's been two weeks and I am still having nightmares. Literal wake up shaking nightmares.
I have never been this scared in my life.
But shey faith is the substance of things hoped for.
I am even afraid to hope.
Hoping which is free and costs nothing, and I am afraid
but we move still. steady proclaiming success and planning for the next level




I went to brunch yesterday with someone I met and I have known for like 2 -3 years. So it was pretty casual and laid back till he placed his hands on my knees and stared at me, making eye contact and said you are very beautiful.

I am taken aback. Not because I am not beautiful, I am very beautiful.
but because it was just such a heavy moment and I'm not very comfortable with heavy moments
I think I visibly flinched, or smiled and broke eye contact. I think he realized that he was doing too much and chilled.
I remain eternally grateful.

I stopped by at my friends house to try out a drink he is creating and he said
" I think you only pick men that you can already see have dead ends"
I said okay Dr Phil. You only know one person
He says " one too many".

Also my mother doesn't want me dating white men because she said " They can't fuck women".
I sniggered. and said okay.
The less she knows- the better.
But just to clarify, this is untrue.
Also she says to me , You are so intelligent, I do not think I know anyone as intelligent as you.
Me: stopp
her: I do not say this to flatter you, you are one of the most hardworking most intelligent people I know, I tell you things that happened when you were 3, 5 and you remember.
Me: *starts crying*



I am super excited to return to my social life.
All my friends have moved away which means I either need to make new friends or ride it out solo.
I miss my friends. I think it is unfair that everyone upped and left.
I mean I know it is for a better life, and it makes me so mad that you are Nigerian and there is no life to be lived in your country.
Its crazy.