update

adult education issa bitch.

just being an adult and having to do the right thing especially when its difficult issa bigger bitch.

I officially ended things with Hercules, as a result of many things one of the mainest was that I didn't want anything as serious as what he wanted. and also the whole celibacy thing( we used to have the most fantastic sexxxxxx).

Anyway it was awful.
as terrible a person as I am, I honestly really hate hurting people who like me.
A younger me would have been like- meh just roll with the punches sis, but an adult me is like- Okay this isn't going to work, you need to get yourself together and get all the way out of here.

And its hard to sit across a table from someone who you actually enjoy and like and tell them this. its terrible. awful. 0/10. would never recommend. Ghosting never had me feeling this way.

I didn't offer to be friends because next thing will be friendly visit that'll end in Penis and attempted conversation about me considering what I don't know.

Anyway- that break up put me in a funk.

Coupled with the fact that my office let go of HALF of the staff strength. and tbh I was SHOOK. I've never had concerns about job security ever because I mean I worked in audit and every year we got promoted and then I moved here and it's been pretty stable until this.

So this week had me reeling from the loss of half my co-workers. ( for context we are about 33?); its terrible. I don't think I have survivors guilt but I actually thought I was gonna be okay o, until my office boyfriend told me he quit as well.

and was moving to competition.

absolutely gutted.

Anyway in this mix someone in my network sends me a perfect job description for what I'm tryna do:re exams. and I froze.
Then swung into action, reached out to my friend to do up my CV, and honestly would you believe all my years of pulling all nighters doing audit in hotel rooms, amounted to 4 lines?

4?

smh

Anyway I sent that in today so wish me luck.

I'm lowkey pissed because I was actually in the middle of finally settling into this enjoyment life.
plus my mum is ICAN president next year- if you know me personally reach out to me, she turns 60 next year so you know the party finna be popping! Was also looking forward to all the enjoyment travelling I'd get to do as her hand bag but now because this work thing I'm so unsettled and stuff.

Meh.

We are having a baby dedication for my sisters baby. And my sister insists on dedicating her child at COZA.
I'm sick and I'm not discussing this any further. I think they are all brain washed.
Told my mum to put her foot down and my mum is like- oh I don't want to impose, the child has a father.
I said okay.
So tell me why these people are running after me up and down to come and help them plan the dedication?
I'm like LOL- still helping them sha.
Cant use the vex to boil yam

NOW ONTO SOME FABULOUS NEWS.
well sort of fabulous
1- the divorce is well underway. and you guys don't even know how ecstatic I am.
2- I have a beach get away on Sunday. at 30 i'm going to buy food from a caterer because I couldn't care less to cook it. And I'm not correcting anyone if they assume I cooked it. *shrug*
3- I'm making slow and very steady progress with my studying. I'm so happy ehn.
4- my most recent piercings seem to have FINALLY HEALED. ( i hope I didn't just jinx it)
5- My new nail color is so sublime.
6- I might have a new crush ( lol I know I knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww) but this is like the wildest thing because; I liked him then I didn't like him, now I kinda like him? Urgh I think i'm PMSing so all my feelings are up down and everywhere.
7- Got my american visa. *whew* This was my second visa application and let me tell you it was rough.  but got it still so *insert dancing emoji here*


People who are celibate, please tell me how do you continue to practice celibacy with ease, because bruh. I didn't realise how often and how much sex I was having till I stopped.
And also how much condoms and lube I own. Now I'm like give away? LOL

OMG absolutely forgot to mention how I went on a date with this guy, I met and liked and when I asked him what his marital situation was he said "estranged".
So I asked him to wait while I googled the word estranged.
Turns out his marital situation didn't fit any of the descriptions. Before I got divorced, I'd have been very willing to play devils advocate for men like this and be like- maybe it's rough for him at home and he is struggling to consider what to do.
But now that I have put on my big girl pants, anyone who doesn't like their wife and wants to move to me should call lawyer abeg.

On the upside I'm soooo pleased I am on this celibacy track, because ya girl woulda def sampled  her coconut spelling skills on that- for posterity sake.

What else have I not mentioned?
OHHHHH I was gisting my sister this and then- she said, she told God that she'd never marry someone who has been married before.
And I'm like *waves hands* helllooo
and she said- oh you weren't really married.

And I was confused because I'm paying lawyers fees in the middle of a divorce but not really married.
I'm dizzy.

anyway I didn't say anything to her because, I really already know how she feels about people who are in the situation I am in, and I really couldn't care less. Honestly, my sister amuses me a lot. I'd call her my problematic fave, except she really isn't my fave.
LOL

I mean she is my sisterrrrr but abeg.

OMG last thing, because of visa application, my mother caught a glimpse of my payslip.
And her need for me to remarry has now intensified.
Another thing I hate about being an adult is how you can see your parents in full spectrum.
Like before my mother was who my world revolved around because she did everything for me.
and I mean my world still revolves around her, but now its optional orbit.

Like I could stop my orbit whenever I wanted and nothing'll happen.
Also I can see how important marriage is to her. which is interesting because I doubt she'd have been 1/4 as successful as she is now, if she remained married.

anytime I tell her this she says well- you have to have kids, and I said nah not really.
Her latest tactic is scaring me with her friends who married late, didn't marry men because they were black ( and honestly if this isn't valid- i dunno what is), or whatever other scary story she comes up with.
and the more she does it, the more I see a part of her that I find amusing. As a parent it must be rough to have a child you can't control with money. it ,must also be rough to see people going after what they want fully, i think of this when i see her friends who are at peace but my mother insits that they are all pretending and unhappy. because unmarried?

Sometimes, I want to tell her that unhappiness expires, can you imagine being sad at 25 you arent married, then at 30 the same sadness and 15 years later at 45 the same sadness?
I can't.
even me, i've filled my life with so many things that when I get some comments from people i'm positively tickled.


But none the less I am going to rent a boyfriend for her 60th if I don't have one by then because this thing might stress our relationship to a point where it actually breaks and becomes irreparable. Also money is good o. LOL

upside to my money goals, I wanted to save $10k this year.

we are not talking about that.

Also- Afronation for December or nah?
i really wanted to go away maybe i'll add sao tome to that for new years?
just looked through google flights, i need to find a private jet owning boyfriend.
and before you ask if I don't want to own one, imagine your lover owning a jet you can use anytime?




*bliss*